The Malay Wedding

The activities that take place during a Malay wedding come from the diverse cultural
traditions --indigenous, Hindu and Islamic--that have together served to shape traditional
Malay culture. The numerous activities constitute a Malay wedding may be conveniently
be divided into three groups representing three stages.
The first group of activities, all of which precede the actual wedding ceremony, consist
of (a) the investigation (merisik), (b) the engagement or approach to formalise the
arrangement (meminang), and (c) the hantaran or the sending of gifts and part of the
amount of money (wang belanja) for expenses (wang belanja) which the boys family
give to the girls side that will be incurred by the girls family.
The wang belanja is usually an amount of several thousand ringgit. It is different from the
dowry (mas kahwin) which is also paid by the man to his future wife. The amount of the
mas kahwin is usually fixed by the Islamic Religious Council in each state, but a potential
bridegroom may give any amount above the official figure.
The second group of activities consists of the actual marriage ceremony (akad nikah)
and berinai, while the third group of activities consists of berarak or arriving in
procession, sitting on a decorated dias ( bersanding and the welcoming of the married
couple to the brides house
(sambut menantu).
Despite overall similarities in the respective ceremonies as done in various parts of the
country, there are certain regional differences. Here only the general characteristics of
the ceremonies have been highlighted.

Merisik
When it is time for a young man to get married his family will look around to identify a
number of potential candidates. Having decided upon one particular young lady, then,
the merisik of investigation process takes place. For this ceremony one or more
representatives (wakil) of the young mans family will pay a friendly visit to the family
of the young woman whom they have in mind as his potential bride. The visit is purely for
the purpose of further investigation. Its allows the visitors to see the young lady. A hint
will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the visit, and their reaction will be
assessed. The girls parents may also give the visitors some idea as to whether or not
their daughter will be interested in the match. The merisik does not constitute a formal
proposal. Following the visit both sides can begin to think more seriously about the
possibility or otherwise of the union. It is possible that no progress may take place, and
the young mans parents or representatives will then look for another possible candidate.

Meminang
Once agreement for the marriage has been reached between the families of the
potential bride and the potential bridegroom, preparations for engagement (meminang)
take place. Representatives from the young mans side once again visit the house of the
young woman, following the confirmation of a date and time for such a visit. On the side
of the potential bride, a consensus is obtained regarding the following:
(a) The date and time for the meminang ceremony.
(b) The amount of money to be paid by the young man for expenses ( wang belanja).

(c) Details regarding the gift (hantaran) items.

(d) The date and time for the actual wedding ceremony and feast.
Details regarding the penalty should one of the parties break the agreement for the
marriage.
When the young mans representatives arrive at the young womans house, these
matters are discussed and settled. Agreement is also reached on certain details regarding
the engagement ceremony, including:
(a) The number of persons who will constitute the bride-grooms party.
(b) The number of trays (dulang) of gifts that will be brought in addition to the
traditional betel-leaf containers (tepak sirih).
Whether or not a part of the money for expenses (belanja) is to be paid by the potential
bridegroom at the time of the engagement (meminang) ceremony.
Following this settlement, the potential bridegrooms side will prepare the various items
to be presented to the potential bride. Similarly on the side of the young lady, gift items
to the presented to the young man are prepared. Customarily, the potential bride groom
will send the following items to the potential bride on the day of their engagement:
(a) A gold or diamond ring.
(b) A betel-leaf container (tepak sirih) complete with betel leaves (sirih) and other
ingredients. This is known as sirih meminang.
(c) A complete set of clothes.
(d) A scarf or shawl (kain tudung).
(e) Fruits or other gifts.
(f)

A handbag.

(g) A pair of shoes.

The total number of gift-trays and the number of items returned as gifts by the potential
bride must be in odd numbers, usually 7 or more.
On the day of the engagement the young mans party brings the items agreed upon.
For the meminang ceremony the young man and the young woman will be represented
not by their parents but by other carefully selected persons.
On this day the date for the wedding ceremony (akad nikah) and the various other
conditions and requirements will be also confirmed by both parties. Once all such matters
have been resolved, the bridegrooms representatives will hand over all the gifts
(hantaran) items with the exception of the engagement ring. The ring will be placed on
the finger of the potential bride by an elder sister or aunt of the potential bridegroom. The
potential bride will all this while be in her chamber.
The gifts from the family of the potential bride meant for the potential bridegroom are
now handed to his representatives. The gift items may include a velvet cap (songkok), a
prayer mat (sejadah) a pair of clothes and so on. The gifts must also be placed in an add

number of trays, the number of trays being higher than those received from the potential
bridegrooms party. This completes the meminang ceremony.
Following the exchange of gifts a feast is given to the bridegrooms party, before they
leave for home.

Akad Nikah
The Akad Nikah is the actual religious solemnisation of the marriage. While all the other
ceremonies performed in a Malay wedding before the Akad Nikah and after it may be
considered as derived from the traditional culture of the Malays, and may even be
omitted the Akad Nikah is an Islamic ceremony without which no marriage is valid.
Consent of both the bride and the bridegroom must be obtained, and the religious official
(usually a kadhi) conducting the marriage must make sure the marriage is entered into
willingly by both the parties. At times the marriage solemnization is in fact done by the
girls father in the presence of religious officials. In a brief sermon given by the officials,
the bridegroom and the bride will receive a briefing on their rights and responsibilities
as a married couple, particularly from the Islamic perspective. There must be two official
witnesses at the Akad Nikah. A marriage certificate will be issued by the kadhi or State
Religious Council representatives following the ceremony, and this is to be signed by the
bridegroom, the bride as well as the witnesses.

Adat Berinai
The ceremony of Berinai involves the staining of the couples hands with henna. Lesser or
greater berinai ceremonies are held three times as follows:
a.
Berinai Curi takes place three nights before the actual wedding ceremony (akad
nikah) with the participation of close relatives and friends only.
b.
Berinai Kecil. Takes place two nights before the wedding ceremony with the
participation of family members, neighbours and close friends.
c. Berinai Besar is usually held after the completion of the religious ceremony (Akad
Nikah).
Of the above three ceremonies, the berinai besar is the major one. The lesser ones may
take place in private, usually with the participation of women only. For the berinai besar
the newly married couple sit on the specially decorated dias (pelamin). Family members
from both sides take turns to apply henna to the hands of the seated couple. Rice and a
mixture of flour may also be applied to the palms and foreheads of the couple, as a sign
of blessing.
The Adat Berinai is intended to cleanse both the young persons now married to each
other. Henna is regarded as a blessed item, that is, it is used as a means of cleansing
and protection from evil or malicious influences.

The Bersanding or Hari Langsung

The hari langsung, literally the day of completion , which also involves the bersanding
or ceremonial seating on the dias, is considered the high point of a Malay wedding.

In the morning before the bersanding ceremony the bride will change into new clothes,
and various fashions may be tried out in selecting the dress to be worn for the
bersanding. Popular bersanding fashions include those of from the Minangkabau tradition,
Kelantanese styles as well as styles derived from the West.
The bridegroom is not allowed to enter the brides house before the bride sends him a
prepared betel leaf known as sirih latlat or sirih genggam. This is a sign that the bride
now awaits the arrival of the bridegroom. The bridegroom walks slowly towards the
house of the bride, his party is led by womenfolk. This is the ceremony of berarak, or
walking in procession. Behind them come the group of musicians beating various types
of drums, especially the hand-held kompang, as well as bearers of decorative flowers
(bunga manggar).
The arriving party take their seats in a special area of the house for the martial arts
( pencak silat) performance which is held as a sign of welcome and paying respects to
the bridegroom as the king for the day. Then both the bride and the bridegroom are
invited for the bersanding ceremony. This is the sitting in state ceremony and
theoretically the first time that a bride and her groom meet. Seated on their chairs on the
platform (pelamin) the couple are blessed with scented water, henna, sandalwood paste
and rice flour paste. The bersanding publicly ratifies the union.
Following the bersanding the newly-married couple will come down to the halaman
rumah for lunch or dinner (kenduri), to which guests will be invited. Further activities
including light entertainment or joget dance sessions may take place in the evening to
conclude the Malay wedding

Sambut menyambut
The adat of sambut menyambut or ceremony of welcome is usually done at the
bridegroomss house to welcome the bride. This may take place a day or two following
the bersanding. Sometimes a second bersanding ceremony is held in the bridegrooms
house to give the opportunity to the women of that household who did not have the
opportunity to be present at the first bersanding ceremony to bless the newly married
couple.