1/23/15- today i realized i have to look at life differently.

I've always loo

ked down upon people who have a 9-5 job and a set routine for their entire lives
, or even a career that doesn't change. With my ocd and restlessness, i wondere
d how anyone could be happy in the same unchanging environment for so long. But
now i realize that's how God calls most of us to live because this life is such
a short event relative to the span of eternity.
I see it as this analogy: there's a machine we're hooked up to as we're lying
in a hospital bed that monitors our heart rate and other vitals. Each beat of o
ur heart causes the machine to produce a blip to register it, and it continues t
o produce these blips as long as we're hooked up to it, which is for all eternit
y. This life, even if we live 90 years or more, is so short relative to eternit
y, that it's as if it's just one of those blips that lasts for a second and disa
ppears, and the machine makes an infinite number of blips because we're hooked u
p to it for all eternity. So the time it takes for that one blip to occur is so
infitesimal compared to eternity, it's almost like it never happened. But our l
ives do happen, they just go by in the blink of an eye.
The problem is it doesn't seem that way to us because our minds are finite and o
ur emotions cause us to have the desire to live for the here and now and not thi
nk about the next life, cause that requires planning and abstract thought, and t
hat's not our natural evolutionary instinct. Our human instincts tell us to do
what makes us feel good and to do whatever it takes to survive and prosper, but
those behaviors are often contradictory to the kind of moral and selfless behavi
or it takes to be a good person and get into Heaven.
So I realized it was my ego that caused me to think I was special and therefore
destined to not have a 9-5, but to have an exciting life that was ever-changing
and was satisfying to my wild imagination and restless mind. That's one reason
why God gave me this disease, to humble me and make me realize happiness doesn't
require a constantly changing or unique life. All it takes to be happy and to
be close to God is to love the people who were put in your life and who you enco
unter every day, and to try to do God's will within the circumstances you were p
laced in.
Eternity is so long in the human mind, and life is so short that it creates the
illusion that we gotta try to get the most out of this life while we're alive an
d not allow ourselves to settle down or be stuck in one environment most of our
lives. But in reality God calls the vast majority of us to live simple lives, b
ut to live them to the fullest, to love deeply, and to be humble and selfless wi
thin the context we find ourselves. He doesn't call most of us to change the wo
rld, but He does call all of us to change ourselves, and it just so happens that
that's easier to do in a stable environment that isn't changing around us. Thi
s stability may seem boring to someone with great ambition, like I once had, but
it allows us to focus on God instead of always looking for the next exciting ad
venture or environment to live in, which in the end are as fleeting as the wind
and always leave us feeling empty and wanting more excitement.
The people I've always marveled at who were so happy and content with their simp
le lives and routines are the ones with the most wisdom, who've figured out the
secret to happiness in life. They've learned that it's not about chasing the ne
xt big thing or trying to be famous or different from everyone else, but rather,
it's trying to be the best person you can be with the abilities God has given y
ou, and to live your life for God and others while bringing out the best in them
.
It takes wisdom to realize that most of us can't do special or amazing things, b

ut that doesn't matter because we're still very special in the eyes of God. Wha
t makes us special is becoming the best person we can be and finding God in ever
y aspect of our lives, even in the worst times and situations. He hasn't called
us to do special things, but to do ordinary and routine things in a special way
that only we can do with our unique personalities and abilities, and with great
love, humility, devotion, and gratitude. In the big scheme of things, special
people in this world doing special things often inspire us and change the world,
but the ordinary, unknown people doing little and ordinary things with great lo
ve and dedication are the glue that holds the fabric of society together. These
people doing their routine things with love and kindness are what gives meaning
to our lives and makes life worth living. They might not make big changes in t
he world, but they change the people in it. In so doing, they make the world a
better place for all of us because even little things done with a lot of love an
d kindness have a ripple effect that is always felt by others who aren't even in
volved in that action, even if they aren't aware of it.
These people with simple lives know deep down that God didn't call them to do gr
eat things in life, but to do little things greatly every day, because those lit
tle things done for God and others add up, and they'll be rewarded for them in H
eaven. There, they'll experience joys and happiness that are unlike anything th
ey've ever experienced on Earth and will make all the sacrifices and suffering t
hey've gone through in this life worth it. They have the humility, maturity, a
nd wisdom to realize that they are where they are in life because that's exactly
where they're meant to be, and therefore they're meant to find meaning and purp
ose within that context and to unite themselves with God in those specific circu
mstances.
It's immature, egotistic, delusional, and foolish to always compare one's life
to the lives of others because God put those special people in those unique circ
umstances and gave them those unique abilties for a reason. He uses some people
to change the world, some people to entertain us and uplift us, and others to b
e examples for us, both of how to live and of how not to live. But for the vast
majority of people in the world, He simply wants us to live a life of devotion
to Him by serving our fellow man and giving glory to Him in every little thing w
e do. When we do this, He gives us His peace and joy, not just in the next life
, but in this life.
That's why it's also delusional and selfish to have envy and always want things
to change in our lives and to have a different environment to live in. If God k
new it was best for you to be living in different circumstances, He would've pla
ced you in those circumstances. But He placed me in these circumstances because
He knew that that's what was necessary for me to grow as a person and to avoid
all the temptations and pitfalls that other environments and decisions would've
had for me. In the end, most things in life are out of our control, and if we'r
e in a situation that isn't changing despite our efforts to change it, or we hav
e no ability to change it, then we are where we're meant to be. We can either a
ccept this reality or foolishly fight against it. The former will allow us to h
ave some semblance of peace and happiness, while the latter will only lead to de
spair and sadness, and will cause us to make decisions that lead us further away
from God and that will create much more suffering in our lives.
This is because those decisions don't involve doing the will of God, and only d
oing that will bring us peace and happiness because He has a unique plan for eac
h one of our lives, and only following that plan will give us satisfaction and l
ead us to a closer relationship with Him and everyone else in our lives. The so
oner we realize this, the sooner we'll be able to see the hand of God in every a
spect of our lives, and to see it working in the lives of the people around us a
s well. Only then will we begin to understand why we are where we are, and that
it's because God knew from before time began that these circumstances were nece
ssary for our salvation, would lead us to Him, and were the best possible circum

stances to make us the best person we can be, the person He envisioned us to be.