Attachment: Supporting young children's emotional wellbeing

JulietNeillHall

According to attachment theory our first relationship with our carers acts as a
lifelong template, moulding and shaping our capacity to enter into, and
maintain, successful subsequent relationships with family, friends and
partners. It is believed that these early and powerful experiences with the
people who first looked after us will shape our long-term emotional wellbeing.
Advances in neuroscience and the development of early brain scanning have
shown that feelings, empathy and emotional understanding are hard-wired
into our brains through our early relationship experiences in the first years of
life.
Levels of key chemicals (serotonin and cortisol) that promote social and
emotional development, mood regulation and self-control are released
through interaction with early care-givers. The infant and young childs brain
is then hard-wired with conceptual ideas and understanding about emotions
and relationships based on these interactions. This means that pathways in
the brain are actually formed or not formed according to our attachment and
relationship with first care-givers both in the home and in any care-giving
setting.
Attachment signals
As children grow, indeed for all their lives, they adapt to attachment signals
and behaviours (see table, above right) in an age-appropriate way to make
emotional connection to others in order to:

behave in a socially appealing manner

approach, seek out and keep near to significant others for reassurance
when fearful or anxious
send out distress signals designed to invite attention or concern
set out from, and then come home to, loved ones.

Attachment styles
Research has shown that whether our emotional needs are met or responded
to in the first years of life can have a long-term effect into adulthood. This is
described as having a secure or insecure attachment. In addition it has been
found that attachment styles can often be passed on from one generation to
the next. In instances of insecure attachment it is only through appropriate
intervention that the cycle can be broken to introduce more positive
relational attitudes within families.
Secure attachment

A secure attachment develops when there is a healthy reciprocal relationship

between child and carer. Social interaction is characterised by fun and
playfulness and the childs need for comfort when anxious or distressed is met
quickly and effectively. The child feels able to explore the world at his/her
own pace knowing that the parent or carer is a secure base to return to.
When they become adults, securely attached children are able to enter into
reciprocal relationships and have an expectation that their needs will be met
and that they will be able to meet the needs of others. They have the
capacity to show emotional connection through empathy or mind
mindedness, are able to talk about their feelings, and are familiar with a
wide emotional repertoire in both themselves and others.
Securely attached children have internalised in early childhood the key
elements of positive relationship building. This gives them lifelong protection
from stress and emotional anxiety and a greater chance of coping with, and
surviving, traumatic life events.
Avoidant attachment
Avoidant attachment develops when parents or carers actively discourage
signs of either affection or distress, believing that emotions are to be
suppressed and feelings should be unexpressed. This means that it is difficult
for the child to access a feeling of being loved and nurtured and he or she has
to develop alternative coping mechanisms to survive emotionally. Children in
this situation can become withdrawn emotionally and learn to internalise
painful and difficult feelings.
As adults, avoidant children find it difficult to connect with the emotional
repertoire of others and find talking about their feelings a source of anxiety
and distress. They find it hard to maintain relationships and mistrust intimacy.
Ambivalent attachment
Children experience ambivalent attachment when they are never quite sure
whether their carers will meet their need for reassurance or comfort. The
parent may sometimes respond to distress and anxiety or may sometimes
ignore it. There is a lack of predictability in the behaviour of the carer that
makes the child feel all over the place. The child often feels distressed but
has no confidence that his or her distress will be heard. This form of
attachment is particularly prevalent in families where there are mental health
problems or issues with alcohol or substance misuse.
Ambivalent attachment in children is often perpetuated by producing adults
who are prone to mental health problems such as depression, anxiety and
eating disorders. They also find it difficult to recover from traumatic life
events and respond badly to stress and challenge.

Disorganised attachment
Disorganised attachment occurs when children send out attachment signals
but these are not received or responded to appropriately by the parent or
carer. Sometimes the parent appears unaware of the childs needs. This
attachment style can occur when the parent has many unresolved emotional
issues from his or her own past or has no emotional resources to draw on due
to mental health problems or a traumatic life event occurring during the first
years of the childs life. Alternatively, and much more seriously, disorganised
attachment can occur when the parent is a threat to the child through abusive
behaviours.
Children with disorganised attachment often fail to thrive and may have
developmental delay. Young children will inevitably show signs of emotional
and behavioural difficulties from an early age by demonstrating aggressive,
disruptive or withdrawn behaviours both at home and in the early years
environment.
Disorganised attachment in infancy has been linked by both longitudinal and
retrospective studies to a number of mental health problems and personality
disorders. In addition, disorganised attachment is a risk factor that hugely
increases a childs vulnerability to other harmful influences or events.
In adulthood there is an increased susceptibility to relationship breakdown,
substance misuse, self-destructive and self-harming behaviours, eating
disorders, suicide, offending behaviour and aggressive, violent and controlling
behaviours.
The role of the early years practitioner
As early years practitioners we need to be aware that all children have
complex emotional needs that have to be met in a number of different ways.
When childrens relationship needs are met they feel secure, happy and
confident. Equally, when their emotional needs fail to be met children can
feel insecure, unhappy and lacking in confidence. An extreme lack of
emotional sustenance can have repercussions in all areas of development
social and emotional, cognitive and even in physical growth and wellbeing.
Ideally, children will have most of their emotional needs met by their family
at home, allowing them to grow up feeling secure and emotionally stable.
Consistent failure to meet these needs at home can produce negative and
challenging behaviours and have an effect on long-term outcomes through
childhood, adolescence and into adulthood.
There is a responsibility placed on the early years practitioner to help to
supplement childrens needs within the early years setting and, perhaps even
more importantly, to support parents to meet their childs needs in a primary
way at home. It is sometimes difficult for parents to nurture their children
emotionally if they have very few emotional resources themselves. By seeking

opportunities to meet the emotional needs of parents we can also enhance

their ability to meet their own childrens emotional needs.
Key emotional needs
There are 10 key emotional needs that all human beings have a need for:
1. Attention
2. Acceptance
3. Appreciation
4. Encouragement
5. Affection
6. Respect
7. Support
8. Comfort
9. Approval
10. Security
Successful attachment depends on the infant or young child sending out
programmed signals and the parent or carer responding to these in such a
way that the child feels contained and held, loved, nurtured and safe.
Attention needs are met by taking a focused interest in thoughts, feelings
and activities. Listening and spending time together on a one-to-one basis
with either a child or a parent can build a sense of value and importance.
It is often difficult in the busy day to find time to give parents this attention
and nurture. However, by finding time to focus on their needs we also help to
fill their emotional tank to enable them to meet the attention needs of their
children.
Often we talk about people being attention seeking. It is sometimes more
fruitful to think of them as simply trying to meet an emotional need when it
is met they will stop exhibiting attention seeking behaviours. It is easy to
forget children or parents who are undemanding when it comes to seeking
attention. They too have needs which should be met.
Acceptance needs are met through accepting people for just who they are at
any given moment in time without judgement. Children need to know that
they are accepted even when they exhibit challenging or difficult behaviour
and that there is always forgiveness and a new beginning. Acceptance means
not comparing one child with another in whatever area. It means allowing the
child their own individuality and uniqueness so they grow in their sense of
self.
Families need to be accepted whatever their socio-economic status,
education, gender, race, class, sexual orientation, ethnicity or faith. Setting
staff can create an atmosphere of welcome and acceptance that allows
parents to be honest and vulnerable and seek support without fear of

judgement.
Appreciation is shown by giving positive celebratory feedback on big and
small things. Telling children what it is they have done well and why you are
proud of them means their sense of purpose is enhanced. Achievements
should be celebrated in whatever area. A lovely smile or a kind act are as
worthy of appreciation as tidying up the toys. Some children like public
acclamations of success; others prefer the quiet word of appreciation just
like adults!
Parents can be appreciated for contributing in whatever way to their
childrens learning and wellbeing whether this in the setting or at home.
Encouragement involves cheerleading through motivating and empowering
from the sidelines thereby giving children a sense of your strong belief in their
abilities to meet the challenges of learning, playing and growing. Stretch
them a little bit further than they thought they could go. Encourage them
when the going gets tough and resolve falters.
Equally, we can give parents encouragement in carrying out the complex and
difficult task of raising and looking after their children. We can point out to
them the positives and the joy and laughter their children can bring them
when sometimes life appears to be particularly challenging.
Affection involves using the power of physical touch to communicate our care
and support. Although we obviously need to keep within appropriate
boundaries it is vitally important to reach out to children with a simple pat on
the hand or touch on the arm.
Affection is a stronger language than the spoken word and communicates in a
way that a sentences or phrase can never do.
Respect for young children means seeing them within the context of their
whole life experiences both at home and in the setting and giving them the
dignity that comes from growing in independence and self.
Respect for parents means holding people in esteem and understanding that
they have their own beliefs, opinions and value systems which are worthy of
being heard, even if they are not the same as ours. We need to take time to
listen and to hear and be ready to negotiate and compromise when there may
be a clash or misunderstanding.
Support is necessary when children are finding life challenging in whatever
way, whether it is socially, emotionally or in tackling their learning they
need to feel help is just there ready to be asked for. Children need to know
that we will put ourselves out and be prepared to go that extra mile
sometimes too. This gives a sense of working and growing alongside others in
the knowledge that they are not alone.
In order to support children we need to support their parents in a holistic and

pro-active way. This might mean signposting them to appropriate agencies to

find the help they need or just giving time to listen to their troubles and
concerns and offering sound strategies if advice is asked for.
Comfort is needed when children are sad, upset or distressed. They need to
know that their feelings will be acknowledged and heard. Hurt needs to be
soothed through empathetic listening or appropriate physical touch. A time to
recover gives dignity and space. Everyone needs comfort sometimes both
adults and children.
Approval is received by giving regular verbal feedback, treats and rewards for
positive behaviour, actions and activities. Speaking highly of children in their
presence and to others allows them to feel proud of themselves and builds
self-concept, internalising a sense of worth. Approval should be about who
children are as well as what they do.
Parents gain from being given feedback and approval for the way they are
parenting. Parenting doesnt come with an instruction manual and sometimes
a bit of approval builds self-confidence that we are going about it the right
way.
Security is crucial to allow children to feel held and contained safely. Clear
expectations and boundaries that are systematically carried through in a fair
way provide the foundation of security.
Children also gain security through experiencing a consistency of routines and
from seeing adults work in a harmonious and integrated way. They also need
to know when there will be changes in routines, or when experiences will be
coming to an end so that a pathway through these can be negotiated in a
seamless way.
Equally we need to have clear professional boundaries with parents and be
reliable and trustworthy in doing what we say we will do.
In summary
In order to support the emotional wellbeing of children it is necessary to think
through different and complimentary ways in which we can meet the 10 top
emotional needs effectively. We also need to make sure that we are looking
after ourselves and we are meeting our own emotional needs through the
input of family, friends and colleagues. It is only when we have this input
that we can provide the necessary output. This is why working with parents
can have such an important positive effect on empowering and enable them
to invest in their childrens emotional needs.
Sources of information

Ainsworth, M, and Bowlby, J (1991) An Ethological Approach to

Personality Development, American Psychologist 46, 331-341

Brazelton, TB, and Sparrow, JD, Touchpoints Three to Six: Your childs
Emotional & Behavioural Development, Perseus Publishing, 2000
Buchanan, A, and Hudson, B, Promoting Childrens Emotional Wellbeing: Messages from Research, Oxford University Press, 2000
Goldberg, S, Attachment and Development: An Integrative Approach
Hodder Arnold, 2000