The Kayson Point Trilogy, Book One - White Blood Cells, Chapters ONE & TWO

TheKaysonPointTrilogyBookOne:WhiteBloodCells
THEKAYSONPOINTTRILOGY
BOOKONE:WHITEBLOODCELLS
CHAPTERSONE&TWO
BYELECLARK
EleClark
Introduction
My name is Ele and I have two seemingly outlandish and ambitious goals. First of all, I aim to
help change the world. Compared to the failed attempts of the past, my methods might be
considered by some at first, to be a little peculiar and unorthodox. Secondly, I aim to avoid
becoming the leader of some sort of new age cult, while trying to achieve goal number one.
Nobodywantstobethatguy.
I believe we were all put onto this Earth for a reason. I am very excited and I look forward to,
helping each and every one of you to discover that very reason your Why. Whyyouwereborn
and Why you are here. Just as you will discover attheendofmyfirstbook,nothingeverisasit
first might seem. So beforeyoumakeupyourmindaboutanything,Iaskthatyouholdoffonall
decisionsandperspectives,untilyouhavereadthelastchapterofmythirdandfinalbook.
ChaptersOne&Two
I am releasing Chapters One & Two of Book One: White Blood Cells, in The Kayson Point
Trilogy, for free. Iamtryingtobuildmycustomerbasebyreleasingthesechaptersearly,aswell
as hoping for some positive feedback to keep me motivated while I continue to edit the
remainingthirtyeightchapters.
If I had to liken this creation of mine to anything, it would have to be Christopher Nolans
Inception. I can guaranteeyou,thateverythingwillprobably makeverylittlesenserightnow.
Butintheend,thesensethatitwillmake,willhopefullybeprofound.
Please share this PDF with your friends and family, if you enjoyed reading Chapters One and
Twoandthinkthattheymightenjoythemalso.
Facebook
Findmehere:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheKaysonPointTrilogy/
EleClark
ChapterOne
We travel eastwards. Climbing onwardsandupwards,wecontinuetomakeourway along

the winding and familiar stretch of road. The suns brilliance continues to grow with each
second that passes us by. I know what comes next, yet it remains to dull my ever growing
excitement.
Three
Ireachforward.
Two...
Withatwistofmyfingers,Iturndownthevolumeoftheradio.
One.
With an intense explosion of magnificent radiance, the apex of the road isfinallyreached.
I am torn between the instinctive need to close my eyes and the desire to soakinthisgrand,yet
gentle scene. So I squint. Waves break, as they near the shoreline welcomingus,aswereturn
to our favourite Point, attheheadofthisbeautifulPeninsula. Downtheentiretyofthecoastline,
the familiar red and green display dances hand in hand with the cool ocean winds. The
Pohutukawaisasymbolofthisjoyousdayforareason.
Idontthinkthisplacellevergetold
Seasoning my sinuses with the taste of the sea, Ibreathethecrispoceanair,inthrough my
nose and out through my mouth. The spray of the ocean is breathed upwards andintothehills.
Sucked through our open windows, the cool breeze blows through our hair, as we continue to
maneuver our way into paradise. Nearing closer to our favourite summer destination, the
distance we cover continues to be traded for further sensations still. The first audible wave,
breaks upon myeagerlyawaitingears. Unlikethosethatcrashupontheshore,thewavesofbliss
that roll throughout mybody,dissipategentlyinsteadflowingoveroneanotherandbuildingmy
spirits,likeanincomingtide.
WhydoweeverleaveWhycouldntwehavejuststayedhereforever
Her small and perfect hand, reaches over the parking brake and grips me gentlyabovemy
knee.Squeezingandshakingitsoftly,sheshowshowshetoo,lovesthisplacejustasmuchasI.
What are you thinking about Zachary? she smiles playfully, in her soft little voice her
adorableaccent,makingthisenchantresssoundevenmoreravishingthanshealreadyis.
Placingmyhanduponhers,Iturntomeethergaze.
Hmph
I can not help but shake my head, in dumb and utter amazement. I must have suffered a
million lifetimes for karmic retribution to afford me such luck. In mybeatup,littleredcar, sits
beside me the very thing I value most in this life. The most beautiful creature I have ever laid
my eyes upon and the only personwhohas everbeenabletotrulymakemehappy. Thescenery
and the fond memories I was so recently lost in, suddenly pales in comparison toherincredible
beauty.
HowdidIevergettobesolucky?
Hidden by earth and by ocean, this beautiful creature was brought to me from halfway
aroundtheworld. Deliveredtome,fromacityoflove. Littlemorethanthree yearsago,shehad
boarded a plane in search of a better life. She had no knowledge of this country, save for the
picturesquelandscapesthathaddweltuponthecoversofherfathersdustybooks. Sceneriesthat
would catch her eye, as she hadspentherdaystoilingaway,insideofhisfailinglittlebookstore.
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One cold and windy, winter morning, she had touched down on and disembarked out onto this
land. Unable to string a simple sentence together and barely able to say hello, she had found
herself alone in a country she had known very littleabout. Butwehadneedednosentencesand
we had needed no words. Ourdumb attractionthatwassoontobe,wouldallowusanexception
of speech. With no plan and with no place to stay, the actions of this young woman could be
interpreted as foolish and shortsighted. A risky venture, lacking consideration for contingency.
But luck favours the hopeful. Withapocketfuloffreshlyexchangednotes,shehadhailedataxi
and had begun to make her way into the city. Crawling slowly upon the wet and congested
morning roads, she had crept her way towards the tall tower in the sky swayed to this
destination, by the handful of flyers that were available to her, in her native tongue. The fare
alone had cost her a substantial portion of her humble and quickly whittling funds. A third in
fact,ifIremembercorrectly.
AndtothinkIhadprobablythoughtitwasgonnabejustanotherday
That very same morning, I had been sitting within one of the smaller and more modest
lecture theatres, contained within a rather pretentious building, situated upon the businessblock
of campus. Sustainable management was not a paper that would attract many volunteers.
Scribbling down notes andbarelyawake,Ihadnoideaofthetwopathsthatwereabouttomerge
andbindwithoneanother,ontheoutskirtsofthecountrysleadinguniversity.
Alright class! yelled the Professor, as hehadclungtotheremnantsoftheclasssquickly
fadingattention.
As the clock had signalled the technical conclusion of the lecture, students had started to
closetheirbooksandrisefromoutoftheirseats.
Dont forget the assignment due this Friday! the Professor had continued, And dont
forget to turn in your electronic copies too! HaveagoodweekendandIshallhopefullyseeyou
allagainnextweek!
Rising fromoutofmyseat,Ihadtakenamomenttoarchmyachingbackandtostretchout
thedullpainthathadpersisteddowntheoutsideofmyrightleg.
Have you done it yet Zach? had asked a voice behind me belonging to a pretty young
woman,whohadplaguedmewiththehintsofheraffectionsincethestartofthesemester.
Almost, Iremember havingtoldherturningtolookatthewoman,whounfortunatelyfor
her,wassimplyjustnotmytype,Illprobablyturnitinsometimetonightthough.
IllseeyouonMondaythen?Irememberherhavingsmiledunknowinglyinvain.
Yeah... I had smiled in return reciprocating, as I had lackedthehearttodeclinethisgirl
herharmlessconsolation,Yeah,IllseeyouMonday.
And with that, I had left the lecture theatre and had begun to make my way through the
atrium and towards the nearest exit. Having left the building and having spilled out onto the
streets alongside a few hundred others, I remember finding myself exhausted from the triple
threat ofanundergraduatelatenightcramming,duetopoorprioritisationandtimemanagement
poor dietary choices, due to the very limitedfundsofafulltimestudentandofcourse,adrizzle
of having had to have kept seated, whileprocessingtwohoursworthofmonotonouslydelivered
information. Made even worse from the hundreds ofmilligramsofpainkillersthatwerealready
in my system, I was the victim of unprecedented levels of exhaustion. Sitting on a public
waiting list for more than two years, while looking forward to a seven and a half hour hip
operation, the infinite wisdom of this countrys accident compensation system thought I might
have been amused to hear that I had been denied cover, based on their decision to deem the
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trauma sustained by a snowboarding accident, to be somehow congenital. I had found myself

placed within a doomed if I do and a doomed if I dont situation of sorts. Under the daily
influence of this opioid analgesic, I would knowingly allow myself to operate at a limited
capacity. Without it though, I would be in so much pain, that Iwouldnotbeabletoevencrawl
outofmybed.
... I remember having sighed watching my breath, as it had become visible against the
coldmorningair.
Final examinations were looming near and I had continued my day, as I would have any
other. Adhering to tradition and about to make yet another poor dietary decision, I remember
slowly trudging my way upwards on the foot path and towards the city centre. Having finally
reached the intersection at the top of the hill, I had waited patiently until the the red man had
taggedinandswitchedplaceswithhislittlegreencounterpart.
...hadsoundedtheaccompanyingnoiseofthetrafficlights.
The onset of beeps, had unleashed onto the road, a torrent of backpacks and books the
students wielding them, beginning to merge into each other from all four directions. Having
stepped off of the footpath and having stepped out onto the road, I had begun to maneuver
through the swarming horde of preoccupied students the screens of their cellphones,seemingly
more important than the people before them. Letting me know just how much longer I had, a
series ofdescendingnumbershadsuddenlyappeared,inlieuofthelittlegreenman. Myconcern
of dodging inattentive students, would soon become one of dodging oncoming vehiclesinstead.
Having steppedupontotheoppositefootpath, afterhavingmadeitsafelyacross,Ihad begunmy
descent into the city centre. I had refused to acknowledge a single shop, if it did not sell the
threedollarchickenandcheeseKoreanpancakesthatmystomachhadbeenyearningfor.
... I remember my stomach having growled at me distracting me from the snug pair of
cheeks thatwerewalkingaheadofme,astheyhadeachtakentheirturntopronouncethemselves
withinthejeansthathadhousedthem.
Compared to many of my male associates at the university, whose intentions had reached
far beyond thesetcurriculumandwellintotherealmsofquestionableextracurricularactivities,I
had believed myself to be promiscuous by no means. Provided that a healthy appreciation of a
strangers backside was to be considered normal ofcourse. Atthesametimehowever,Ibelieve
I was not so strange as to say that I had ever spared a thought for topicssuchaslove,marriage,
or anything romantic. But as I had discovered, life has a way of turning things upside down
whenoneisleastexpectingit.AndthatiswhenIsawher.
... I remember having held my breath stuck to where I had stood, with no regards to
thosethatweretravellingbehindme.
Until that very moment, I had never believed in true love, or in love at first sight. Of
course I had heard about such claims, but at the time, my understanding of such concepts were
ones of romantic fiction. Purely fictitious ideals, existing only on paper and on film. Before I
had been able to take my next breath, my paradigms had transitioned rudely and without
warning. Parked outside oftheestablishmentofmypreviousobjectiveandsteppingoutfroman
open door, even the smell of Korean pancakes was no longer sufficient enough to divert my
attention.
IllalwaysrememberthatdayThefirsttimeIhadeverlaideyesonmywife
With two large suitcases removed from therearofthevehicleand placeddownbeforeher,
I had watched as a flustered young woman had tuckedaflappingmapunderthearmofherpink
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overcoat. I had watched as she had held down her matching pink hat with the one hand, while
shehadtriedtopaythedriverwiththeother.
Holy shit I remember having had whispered under my breath this beautiful creature
tryingtokeepherselffrombeingblownaway,asshehadtriedtoreorientateanunsettledmap.
She was very clearly lost and I was very clearly in love. My heart had been beating a
million miles a minute and I had a fair idea why. She had been deciding where togoand Ihad
been deciding how to get there how I was going to approach her and how I was going to
convinceher,toonedaybemywife.
Hmph Who else can say they knew they were gonna marry their wife, after having first
laideyesonthem?
With such a drive in my mind, I had grown from a boy who had possessed very little
direction and purpose in his life and into a daring and clueless young man. Iwasstillwithouta
plan, but I was suddenly armed to the teeth with a purpose. Butterflies had fluttered along the
walls of my stomach, as I had suddenly understood those apparently fictitious ideals. My
medication might have been dulling the pain of my physical body, but her presence had
accomplished what no amount of counselling and anger management ever could. The hate and
the pain that has plagued my mind for as long as I could remember, was temporarily alleviated
for the first time in my life. I was instantly addicted and I knew Ineededmore. Awholelifes
worth in fact. Having held her in my sights, I had realised that those who would claim such
ideals to be fictitious, had either yet to experience them, or were far too old and bitter to
remember them. I still wonder how thepeopleofthatcitycouldhavebeensobusyintheirdays
and so overly captured by the mundaneness of their daily tasks, to not have stopped for a
moment and paid their respects to the creatureofperfectionandmagnificencebeforethem. Just
as the flow of the river would move around a rock, I remember the throngs ofmenand women,
young and old alike, having parted around her too. As if she had been an obstacle, obstructing
their preciouspathsofrinseandrepeat,everydaymediocrity,theyhad continuedtomovearound
her without end. But I had not seen her as an obstacle. No. I had seen her for what she truly
was.Theanswertomyeverythingandthebestthingthatcouldpossiblyeverhappentome.
...Irememberhavingchoked,ashereyeshadconnectedwithmine.
I recall justhowembarrassed Ihadbecome. Ithaddawneduponme,justhow longImight
have been staring at this stranger, with no effort to conceal my blatant love for her. Each and
every day, as I had passed through the city centre and hiked my way upwards from the train
station and towards campus, I would pass a series of benches. Each and every day, these
benches would support a combination of middle aged men, that would stare unashamed, at the
young women of this countrys future industries. These sleazeballs would sometimes even
shower these enterprising young women, with untoward and inappropriate remarks. With their
lustful thoughts and their hungry eyes, I had failed to understand how somebody could have
relished in theinconsiderateamountofdiscomfort,thattheysurelymusthaveknowntheywould
cause. Gawking like an idiot, Irememberassuminghowshehadlikelyconsideredme tobeone
of those sleazeballs too. I remember hating myself, for having already blown my chances with
her. I remember how I was just about to look away inembarrassment. Thatis,rightbeforeshe
hadansweredmystupidstarewiththatbeautifulsmileofhers.
...Iremembergaspingthebutterfliesinmystomach,havingbegunafuriousfreeforall.
Before I could have stopped myself and before I had even realised doing so, I remember
having taken a single step forward. It was if my body were possessed by fate and as if destiny
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itself were moving me. It was as ifmyownaccordcouldnothavebeentrusted,tohave actedin

that most important of moments. I remember having taken another. Before I had known it, I
was able to feel her breath upon mine. The five or so metresthathadobstructedthisseemingly
destined union, was suddenly dismissed for us. Simply shooed away, by a forcethatseemedto
havehadwantedustogethersobadly.
HolyshitAndtothinkIwasgonnaskipclassandsleepinthatday
Having boarded that plane and abandoned her homeland, she had taken quite the gamble
coming here. Shehadrolledthe dice,yetitwasIthathadwon. Istillgivethankstothosebooks
in herfatherslittlebookstore. I sometimeswonderiftheystillsituponthoseverysameshelves,
remaining unsold and continuing to collect dust. Who knows, her father might have long since
closedthestoredown. Itblowsmymindtothinkthatthose unwantedbooks,weretheverysame
items thathadcontributedtoaseriesofinfluencesandevents,thathadpluckedherfromhalfway
across the world and had placed into my life. A series of events that I will be forever grateful
mostfor.
Im not thinking about anything, I liesqueezingherhandgentlyandmatchinghersmile
withmine.
Even now, I remain unsure ifshehadfoundwhatitisthatshehadbeenlookingfor. Tobe
perfectly honest, I am unsure what she had even constituted a better life to be. But what I do
know, is that she is mine. Besideme,inmylittleredwreckofacar,sitsmybeautifulwife. My
gloriouscompanion.
Tell me! she smiles, as she frowns her brow and pretends to be mad with my reticence
knowingfullwellhowIfeel,butwantingtohearthewordsnonetheless.
Goodgodyourebeautiful
Hmph I laugh to myself a preposterous and hilarious concept in this day and age, to
beattractedtoonesownwife.
My eyeslookgentlyupontheflawlessnessofherface. Irreplaceablyprecious,Ibeholdthe
veryimageofherwiththeutmostcareandadoration.
Mygod
That gorgeous smile,formedfromtwosoftandtemptinglips. Herdaring,shortbrownhair
and the gentle curve of her perfect little neck. Her dangerously deep brown eyes. Like two
Sirens,luringmetomyunsuspectingend.AndIwouldgowillingly.
Hmph As if I possess anywhere close, the conviction needed for me to deny this woman
whateveritisthatshewants
Looking beneath the surface of her more obviousbeauty,thereremainsmanytreasuresyet
to be found. Her warm and loving kindness, for starters. A sweetness that can sooth even the
roughest of days. Her sexy stubbornness, for instance. An attitude so playful and fun, that it
evenmakescompromisingtoherwhims,anabsolutepleasure.Andheraccent.
Ohgod,heraccent
I am a fool for her. I am still hopelessly in lovewiththewomanIsworemyheartandmy
lifeto.LaurenWilliams.Mywife,andtheloveofmylife.
LaurenWilliams..IlikeitHmphItsgotabitofringtoit
Comprised of my poor choice of words and their even poorer articulation, I find myself
taking a strange offence on her behalf, towards my own lackluster thoughts. One half of me
wishes that I possessed the words, to truly do this womans beauty the justice that it deserves.
The other half of me wonders if perhaps, my folly lies with the fact that I insist on using these
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meager and earthly words to do so. And this is why I continue to fall short of portraying her
celestialbeauty.Abeautybeyondwords.
Huh?
Herfaceisinfectedwithfear.
WhWhatisthis?
...Itrytospeak.
Huh?WhWhycantIspeak?
...Itryagainrealisinginstantly,thefutilityofmyattempt.
AndwhycantImove?Whatisthis?Whatsgoingon?
My eyesremainfixeduponthe faceofmywife. Iamneitherabletoblink,noram Iableto
look away from this image of absolute anguish. Albeit confused and afraid, I find myself
comparativelyfreeinmythoughtsandfeelings.
Whydoesshelooksoafraidfor?
I notice for the first time, that it is not just my eyes that are unyielding. My peripheral
vision, locked in its place, indicates that everything around me isstill. ItisasifIwerestanding
inside of a gallery, staring helplessly into a framed and untouchable piece of art. A no longer
impressionable piece, forever frozen in its captured moment. Now corrupted and defaced, Iam
forced tolookupontheonlythingthatIhaveeverlovedmorethanmyself. Formerlyasourceof
solaceandrelief,sheisnowthecauseofdiscomfortanddistress.
WhWhycantItakemyeyesoffher?
For every second that I am forcedtoexperiencemywife inthisunduestate ofaffairs,Iam
madetofeelincreasinglyill.
Whatisshesoafraidofanyway?Idontunderstand?
...Itryoncemorefrozennotsomuchbyfear,butratherbyconfusion.
IwishIknewwhy
Instantregretcreepsuponme.Heavyandblack,Ibegintounderstandwhy.
But
Had I been able to know what was to come,Iwouldhaveneverwantedtoknow. I wasan
unknowingfool,armednowwiththepowerandcrueltythathindsighttendstoafford.
ButhowcouldIhaveknown?
It is too late. The pieces of the puzzle have already begun to connect. The dust of my
mind is reconstituted into the many pieces of afragmentedunderstanding. Areconstructionand
a pursuitofclarity,thatIcanonlywishtohaveremainedignorantof,onlyafter havingknownof
itinthefirstplace.
No
I know that I am speeding. I need not consult my odometer to realise this fact. I simply
just know. I am always driving much faster than I shouldbe. IwishIdidnotandIwishIwere
not.Thetruthofthematterthough,isthatIdoandIam.
NoNoNo
I attempt to deny this dreadful reality. A part of me wonders if perhaps, demonstrating
enough regret and despair might be looked upon with mercy. Perhaps an otherworldly
benevolence might allow me an escape from thiscruelexperience. Ignorantofmypleading,the
ordeal persists unrelenting and unphased. I am forced to experience, what I somehow already
have.Iamforcedtoremember,whatIsomehowalreadyknow.
Huh?
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Startled and confused, her scream pierces to the very core of my being. My fear is
suddenlymagnifiedandmysensesattackmenow,frommorethanonefront.
Ohgod
Herscreamcontinuestoresound,deafeningandunchanging. Theconstantandunwavering
pitch, is shadowed only by the fear that it elicits. I become light headed and woozy. IfIcould
throw up, I would. My pores are unable to coat my body, with the cold sweat that I anticipate.
Stranded inthismomentandfrozenintime,allIamcapableof,issufferinginsideofthistwisted
combinationoffearanddespair.
Thisisallmyfault
Trapped within the confines of my very own mind, my thoughts search frantically for an
escape.
Thisisallmybloodyfault
It quicklybecomesapparent,thatIamunableeludethedepravedcustodyofmysenses. So
I settle for less. Desperate for refuge and asylum from this perverse reality, I hope that Imight
stumbleuponarecessorcavityinstead.
Imsorry
Thereisnoplaceformetohide.Deportedbacktomysenses,Iamforcedtofacethefacts.
Imsosorry
...Itryoncemorewishingmorethananything,thatIcouldbegforhertostop.
Shecontinuestoscream.Thishaslongsincebecomefartoomuchformetohandle.
Please
Reduced toaseriesofpatheticandunfulfilledwishes,Ibegtobefreedfromtheeventsthat
unfoldbeforemeasseeminglytrappedintimeastheymaybe.
IjustwantittostopPleaseAnythingbutthis
Preoccupied with this most unbearable experience, I was ignorant enough tobelieve that a
darkerwaveofdespaircouldnotcrashdownuponme.Butitcan.Anditdoes.
No
My immediately prior experiences are now the lightest shades of gray, in comparison to
thisblackandputridturnofevents. Iwouldhaveratherexperiencedhereternalscreams,butasI
am allowed to rediscover, hindsight only ever allows its owner the redundance of a pointless
clarity.
NoPleaseno
In an instant, I am plunged intoan oceanofchaosandIfindmyselfdrowningindespair. I
am helpless. There is nothing I can do but sink further into this thick and heavy madness. Itis
happeningandthereisnothingIcandotostopit.
Ohgod,no
The sound of the radio slowly strengthens in its return. No. I had simply become
accustomedandoblivioustothequietmonotonyoftheconstantnotes.
NoNoPleaseno
I would do anything to take back my indiscretion and return to the previous level of Hell.
The expression on her face begins to shift ever so slightly. A shift that I would haveotherwise
been blind to, if had not existed within the same, unchanging interval, for what had felt like an
eternitycondensed.
Huh?
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I can feel something beneath the tyre of my front, left wheel. It feels as if an otherwise
unperceivable piece of asphalt, weretohavedisplaceditselffromtheroadandfounditselfbeing
crushed by the weight of my car. Proceeding to pass gradually overtop of it, I can feel the
internal pressure of the tyre increasing too. From this small and stray inconsistency upon the
road, I can feel the tyres redirected ever so slightly towards the ditch. Therestingweightofmy
handalone,isenoughtoopposetheweak,counterclockwisepullofthesteeringwheel.
Whatshappening?
I can feel thetemperatureofmybodyslowlyrising. Icanfeelmyporesslowlyfillingwith
sweat. I can feel the thinnest film of oil,betweentheskinofmyhandandthetautleatherofthe
steering wheel. Pressed firmly against by the nail of my index finger, I can feel the soft and
sensitiveundersideofmythumb.
Whatthehellisgoingonrightnow?
Becoming increasingly aware of the events unfolding before me, I begin to dread them
fiercer still. The inertia that had held everything dormant until now, is suddenly overthrown.
Time begins to slowly unfurl. The external happenings ofmyoutsideworld,arebutadulledge
when compared to the surgical sharpness of my internal perceptions. Like a scalpel, I cut
effortlesslythroughwhatmysenseswouldordinarilyfailtodiscern.
How
I begin to draw breath. No. I was always inhaling. I was just simplyunawareuntilnow.
Usually autonomic, I can no longer overlook this generally unnoticed act. In this moment of
rapidlygrowingawareness,Icouldnotignoreit,evenifItried.
Howisthisevenpossible?
I can feel every molecule of oxygen entering insideofme. Icanfeeleverysinewoftissue
stretching within my lungs, as they continue to expand. Icanfeeltheoxygendiffusingbetween
the millions of alveoli and the millions of capillaries that run alongside them. I can feel the
revitalisation of each and every one of my red blood cells, as the oxygen pours itselfintothem.
Memories of seventhform biology come to the forefront of my mind, as I not only grasp, but
literally experience the subject of gas exchange. I feel a subtle satisfaction of sorts, as the
concentration of carbon dioxide within my blood is slowly abated appeasing a yearning so
strong,thatitisnowondermybodyunconsciouslygivesitselftheairthatitneeds.
Impossible
My wife continues to scream. The intensity continues to climb. Icanfeeleveryvibration
of her vile screech, as it exits her mouth. Passingthroughtheairandintomyears,Icanfeelthe
membranes of my eardrums, quivering as they are repeatedly struck witheachwaveofsound. I
can feel the rattling of an arrangement of thin and very brittle bones, as the waves of vibration
continue to conduct through them and into a deeper structure still. Striking what I can only
describe as two, tiny, fluidfilled sacs, the vibrations permeate through this deeperstructureand
travel across the thick and mucousy substance inside. Adelicatesensationtinglesfurtherinside
ofmyhead.
WhWhatwasthat?
My attention becomesdistracted,asIbecomepreoccupiedbyherceaselessscreamingonce
more.
Andagain!
Almost immediately,thetinglingsensationrunsalongthesame thread,beforedisappearing
once more. Each successive tingle, follows closely behind the other before disappearing, time
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andtimeagainintonothingness. No. Sofaintatfirst,thatIwonderifitmighthavejustbeenmy

mind playing tricks on me, Ifeelagentlepricklingwithinmyhead. Continuingtodisperseover
thesame,twoopposingareaswithinmyhead,thesensationbecomesincreasinglyapparent.
Noway
I may not be able to feel it per se, but just as one perceives the throbbing arteries of a
jammed finger, I begin to determine its unseen structure. As the signals repeatedly discharge
themselves throughout the inside of my skull, I am able to perceive for the first time, the very
partofmybrainresponsiblefortheperceptionofsound.
SurelynotThiscantbepossible
Growing continually conscious of these subtle sensations, my attentionisdrawntowardsa
violent storm of electricity, as it rages within the forefront of my brain. Focusing upon this
source of commotion, only proves to excite it further. Not wanting to provoke this region any
morethanIalreadyhave,Ireturnmyattentiontothefrightenedfaceofmywife.
Huh?
I feel the same subtle sensations, as they travel from underneath the raging stormandinto
my eyes. Almost instantly, I detect another bout of electrical activity. Intersecting behind my
eyes and travelling along two separate nerves, the visual interpretation of my wife and my
surroundings are translated at the rear of my brain, for me to perceive them. Once more, my
attentionshiftstoherundeniablescream.
Why?Whymustshekeepscreaminglikethat?
I feel everything. I can feel multiple parts of my brain, as they communicate with one
another. I can feel the signals, being sent down the centre of my spine. I can feel the signals
dispersing over the top of each one of my kidneys and I can feel some sort of substance
dischargingfromthemandintomyblood.
WhatWhatthehellwasthat?
The signals return through my spine and continue to loop within their circuit. Myarterial
wallsexpand,asmybloodpressurebeginstorise.
Yet to complete a single beat, the blood begins to accelerate as it continues to be forced
from the valves of my heart. Electrical impulses continue to travel throughout my body. My
irisesbegintoconstrictandmypupilsbegintodilate.
Whatisthis?
Like a student who knows not just how little they know, I had been unaware of just how
unaware I had been. Everything is now so cruelly and blatantly obvious. The degree to which
my senses are heightened, is inversely proportional to thedegreeinwhichIwishtoescapefrom
this hellish nightmare. As my senses continue to overload themselves past a series of limitless
thresholds, I continue to grow evermoresensitive. WhileIsithere,wishingfornothingelsebut
to be ever so numb, I wonder why I am burdened with senses that insist on remaining ever so
keen. I did not think that such crueltywaspossibleinthisworld. Ididnot thinkthatthehuman
bodywasevencapableofthismuchpainandsuffering.
Icanttakethisanymore!
I resent my body for not failing me already. I wonder if my body tortures me, by
intentionally withholding the failsafe of unconsciousness forcing me to sit and watch, until the
end of the show. If her screaming will not stop, then I would love nothing more than for my
eardrums to explode. But because they do not, Icurseherfornothavingscreamedevenlouder.
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My suffering shows no mercy towards my ignorant and unheeded hopes of release. Perhaps
becauseoftheseveryhopes,myrealitygrowstobecomesadisticallymoreunbearable.
Whatisthis?!Whythefuckisthishappeningtome?!
As my pupils continue to stretchincreasinglylarger,myeyesallowmeaneverbefore seen
perspective of my wife. The skin on her face, is like the dry earth of a savannah cracked and
covered with innumerable blemishes. Fine blonde hairs, sprout from the flaking and craterlike
pores on her face kinked and unkempt. The buildup of plaque that coats her crooked and
discoloured teeth, is absolutely disgusting. I can notbelievehowIhadfailedtonotice,justhow
unsymmetrical and grotesque she truly is. Forced to stare at her hideously distorted face, Ifind
myself quickly becoming repulsed and revolted. I try to look away, but my eyes insist on
movingeversoslowlywithinthislanguidlycreepingreality.
Justshutupalready!
Momentum continuestobuild. Anotherlifetime passesmebyandmy heartstillremainsto
havecompletedasinglebeat.
Justshutthefuckup!
The passing of each incremental and infinitely small moment, diminishes the degree to
which I am able tomakesenseofthishellish experience. Unabletoescapefromthissuffering,I
yearn for the only other way out. I can not endure this any longer. I have never desired for
anything more, than I do the potential release of death. Thecumulativesumofmypastdesires,
are now but light and shallow pangs, when compared to the starved craving I have right now.
Losing my mind within this eternal anticipation, my sanity continues to be sapped. This
gluttonous parasite, having attached itself to the inside of my mind, continues to feedinsatiably
uponmyhopesofcessation.
Huh?
I am filled with a small sense of hope. Drowning out the screams of my wife, isthedeep
andblaringsoundofahorn.
Ofcourse
It dawns upon me. We are about to crash. An intermission from this madness presents
itselftomeandIexperiencethelongforgottenfeelingsofimpatienceandambition.
Acar!
I am excited. As mad and as irrational as my enthusiasm may be,Icannotdenythe furor
of this thrill. I can not be sure of the means of my demise, but there is one thing though, thatI
canbeabsolutelysureof.Whateveritis,Iwantittohitusalready.
Ormaybeevenatruck!
I wait for the impact, but of courseIamdenied. OfcourseIdonotreceivewhatitisthatI
so desperately wish for. I want to die, but it is simply not permitted. I would give anything to
catalyze the collision and bring my life to an end. I would gladly trademylifeforasingleslab
of stone. I would gladly reduce myself to a name, positioned above two hyphenated dates. I
care not for the message inscribed. Itisnotasifanyonewouldvisitmeanyway. Iwantnothing
furtherfromthislife,besidesthereleaseofdeath.
Whatstakingsolong?!
I feel neglected. I wonder why I am denied what nobody seems towant. Myinsanityhas
long since overridden the most fundamental of my human instincts. Pleading fordeath,thereis
no doubt about it. I have lost my mind. I have well and truly lost my mind. I would gladly
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embrace the most painful of deaths and meet it with open arms, if it could guarantee me an
eventualescapefromthismadness.Ionlywishthatitwouldhappenalready.
Fuck!
I would throttle the steering wheel, if the flow of time would permit me. I would throttle
the steering wheel like a captive monkey, shaking the bars of its cage, ina perfectsymphonyof
external heretical expression and an internal cry for release. But my impossible energies are
trapped and so they are forced elsewhere. Like an aneurysm, the anguish bleedsfrommybrain
and collects within the pool of my mental sphere. Lauren continues toscreamandmyinsanity
isfueledonfurther.
That fucking scream! And thatfuckingface! Shutthefuckupalready! Imsofuckingsick
ofit!
I hate that I will be forced to have to listen to and stare at her forever. As I lookatherin
disgust, I begin to grow to hatehertoo. Ihadbegunto blinkmanylifetimesago,butmyeyelids
have yet to drawthecurtainsandconcludeuponthisghastlyscene. AllbecauseI couldnot keep
my eyes on the road. Growing less able to deny the futility of itall,Iamforcedtoabandonthe
last dregs of hope that I cling to. My fatigued mind can no longer persist within this tortuous
ordeal. Overcome with exhaustion, the guard of my resolve can no longer be held high. I am
leftcompletelyvulnerable,asitfinallybeginstohappen.
Huh?
My blood begins to travel through my arteries, a little faster. An influx of cells are
suddenly rejuvenated, as my heart completes its seemingly belated contraction. I was always
going to be shat on, but the darkest reaches of Hell had been waiting patiently. Waiting until I
was reduced to my absolute lowest, I was destined to be taken a littlelowerstill. Withmyeyes
still fixed upon the wretched face of my screaming wife, I know that I will never get to see the
cause of my inevitable doom. But I know that I will feel it. Inmyhypersensitivestate,Iknow
thatIwilldefinitelyfeelit.Iwillfeeleverything.
HmphAndwhatsthebetthatImnotwearingmyseatbelteither?
And with that, I slowly begin to lean forward. Like a noisy roof, expanding on a hot
summers day, the bonnet begins to tick sporadically. My attention shifts to thelackofpressure
acrossmychestandtorso.Myhunchisconfirmed.
Ohshit
The soundoftheimpact isdeafening.Synchronizingwiththespeedatwhichthecarbegins
toroll,mythoughtsreturnrudelytorealtime.
Fuck!
We are now upside down. I am only able to orientate myself from the deafening noise
above me. I can only imagine that it could be the sound of the cars roof, scraping over and
againstthejaggedroad.
... I scream, through gritted teeth bracing myself, as I grip the wheelwithonehandand
pressmyforearmagainsttheupholsteryoftheroofwiththeother.
Huh?
No longer is there screaming and no longer is there scraping. Nolongeristhereanything.
I find myself floating withinthisdarkandemptyvoidofinfernalnothingness. Aloneandafraid,
Imanagetoscrapetogetherasmallsenseofcomfortandrelief. Myravagedandgaspingmindis
finallyabletorest.
Zachary!yellsafamiliarvoicedesperateandafraid.
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Lauren!
Iattempttotwistmyhead,asIsearchfranticallyforhervoice.
Huh?
I find though, that I lack the protuberance to do so. I find that I have no physicalbodyto
doanything.Trappedinsideofthisblackobscurity,Iambutavaguesenseofawareness.
AmIAmIdead?
Zachary!sheyellsagain.
Lauren,Imhere!Lauren,whereareyou!
The very littlesensethatthissituation appearstomake,issuddenlytrivialincomparisonto
the elation that I feel. Having heardhervoice,Iamhopefuloncemore. Fullofhopeandafool.
I regret allofmyformerthoughtsandItakethemallback. Iamaficklebeing,butIdonotcare.
Iwantheragain.Iwantmywife.
Zachary!Ihearhercrying,throughhersobbingbreath,Answerme!Please!Zachary!
I panic further. I am unable to shake the feeling, that if I were to fail in seizing this
opportunity,thatImaybeforcedtorelivemysufferingsoncemore.
No!No,Iwontletit!
Possessing the strength of a demon, I flail my limbs with all of my might. Igraspblindly
and wildly at the darkness. Clutching at straws, I hope to come into contact with something to
reorientate myself with. I kick and I snatch, as I sink deeper into the darkness. Left with
nothingbutemptyhands,Igrowincreasinglydesperateandpanicked.
MybodyIcanmove!Lauren!Lauren,whereareyou!
I reassure myself, that it was Lauren that I had heard. I convince myself, that it was
definitely Laurens voice that I had heard calling me. I just hope more than anything, that I
might be right. I muster every reserve of my strength, as I preparemyselfforone finalshowof
fury. An outburst, that the Devil himself could not ignore. And with that, I unleash my
desperation.
ComeonComeonCo
Istrikeuponabearing,withthebackofmylefthand.
Huh?
A brief instant of something other than nothingness. For the briefest of moments, I find
myself absolutely ecstatic. My efforts were not in vain. But for fear that I might never find it
again, I can no longer allowmyselftorelishwithinthisseeminglytrivialaccomplishment. With
theutmosturgency,Ilashoutoncemore.IreachtowhereIrememberitbeinglast.
There!Rightthere!
Once more, I feel something across the back of my hand. Something cold and wet.
Instinctively,Iretractmyhandfromthisstrangeandominoussource.OratleastItryto.
Huh?
Mystomachdrops,asthemenacinggripseizestightlyuponmywrist.
Thefuckisthat?!
Coiling itself tightly around my wrist, it continues to crush any hope I have of freeing
myself.Ipullawaywithallofmymight.
Fuck!
Theintegrityofthegripholdstrue,asitwarmsaroundmywrist.
Getoffofme!
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I feel a sudden pressure upon me. I feel something pushing down upon my stomach and
restricting my already rattling breath. I continue to struggle and my breathing becomesquickly
laboured.
No!Fuck!
I had become complacent. Believing for an instant, that I could afford to have let my
attentionshiftelsewhere,myrighthandbecomestakenaswell.
Fuck!Fuck!
Lauren! I try to yell, as I wrestle with my unseen oppressor my voice strained and
weak.
Icanspeak
Lauren! I try again, as I continue to struggle in vain, Get out of here Lauren! Its a
trap!
The pressure onmybody,shiftsfurtherdownmytorsoandontomyhips. With bothofmy
wristsheldcaptive,Icontinuetobeengulfedwithinthiscreaturesvileandclammyhold.
Zachary!sheyellsagain,StopstrugglingZachary!Itsme!
Huh?
Havingfoolishlyeasedatherorders,bothofmylegsaresuddenlysubdued.
No!
The warm and wet appendages of this mysterious creature, hook themselves over my
knees and bind my volatile and indiscriminateattacks. Withmylowerlimbsrestrained,Ican no
longerkickrecklesslyintothevoid.
Fuck!Notagain!
I feel stupid and naive. For the childlike and unquestioning trust that I possess, I resent
myself deeply. IknowthatwereI wereonlyalittlemorecynical, Imightnothavefoundmyself
inthispredicament.
Never!Neveragain!
Quickly tiring, I continue my exhausted efforts to fight against the holds that keep me at
bay. ThemoreItrytoresistthegripsthatbindme,themoretheycontinuetotighten. Itwistmy
wristswithindampshacklesofthisfoulbeast,believingthatImightbeabletoslipmyselffree.
Damnit!
Struggling against one another and juddering like two pieces of rubber, I discover thatthe
dampappendagesofmycallousoppressoronlyservetoconstrictmywristsfurther.
Whatisthisthing?!
I feel myself within the company of a cold and calculated entity. Biding its timetofinish
me, I fight toprolongmyinescapablefateforaslongasIcan. Imightpossessmytactilesenses,
but I remain blind to theformandappearancethatmysubjugatorholds. Inheedofitsapproach,
I can not help but bare thoughts of a serpent, as I imagine myself being inevitably exploited in
thispredatorystrugglewithmyunseenassailant.
Thefuckisthisthing?!
I try to keep ahold of my quickly whittling hope. Capable of such a wicked patience, I
liken my opponent to a snake. An anaconda, anticipating and capitalizing upon each andevery
outward breath of its prey. My muscles had long since flooded themselves with lactic acidand
my tendons teeter on the verge of snapping. As my finite strength nears upon its complete
depletion, my weary struggle begins to conclude. IambeingoverwhelmedandI amabouttobe
consumed.
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Zachary!Ihearheryellingagain,TalktomeZachary!Please!
... I am about to yell in return paranoia hatching from the shell of my mind, just in the
nickoftime.
WaitaminuteHowcanIbeexhaustedifImdead?
I grow suspicious of the voice I assumed had belongedtomywife. Questioningitssource
and intentions, I wonder for the first time, whether or not it is really my wife that is calling out
for me. A tactic perhaps. An auditory appeal to the weaknesses of my cracking mentality, as
this demon attempts to defeat me in more ways than one. It dawns upon me, that I had never
trulyleftthisHell.Ihadmerelyenteredanotheroneofitsmany,sadisticforms.
WhWhatsthatsound?
So faint at first, that I question whether or not I had actually heard it, the sound of an
approaching siren continues togrowlouder. Rescue,safetyandotherassociatedconstructsenter
intomymind.
Maybe Im not dead? Or Or am I just being led to believe that Im not? Is this more
false hope, so that I Just so that I can be built back up and And Andsmackedbackdown
again?Justlikebefore?
I know that I can not be too cautious with my assumptions. I have learnt from my
mistakes. I know that in this world, that hope is only given, just so that it can be snatched and
takenrightback.Andthensome.
Open your eyes Zachary!yellsthevoiceofmywifecontinuallytryingtodeceiveme,so
thatImightlowermydefences.
Iwontbefooledagain!
Isqueezemyeyestight.Areflexiverefusal,indenyingthisevilwhatitisthatitwants.
Zachary,itsme!Ihearhervoiceoncemore.
I squeeze my eyes even tighter than before. So tight in fact, that the small musclesofmy
eyesbegintoshakeandweakenwithfatigue.
Shutup!
AsIcowerwithadreadedanticipation,itfinallydawnsuponme.
My eyes My eyes had tove been closed in the first place for me tove squeezed them
Myeyeshavebeenclosedthisentiretime!
My curiosity overbears my sense of caution. I try to rationalize my inquisitiveness, in an
attempttojustifymyupcomingactions.
WhateverIdoIllbeinoneformofhellanyway,soSowhynotright?
I remain far from convinced, but it is something thatIknowthatImustdo. Musteringmy
courage, I begin to slowly build my resolve. There is nothing I want more than to peek, but I
dare not do it. I would rather commit to diving into the ensuing,thantodipaportionofmyself
into and get a small taste of what I must eventuallysaturatemyselfin. Withnothingtoloseand
with everything to gain, I throw back the lids of my eyes. Contracting my brow forcefully, I
exposeasmuchofmywhitesasIcan.
...Igasptremblingwithfearandunabletomakeasound.
There is an ominous presence upon me. Iampinneddownandtoweredover,byaheinous
andmalevolentsilhouette.
Thisplace
My surroundings are familiar. I feel as if I have been here before. The faint glow to my
left,gentlyilluminatesmysurroundings.
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WhwhereamI?
I turn my head. Blinking, as I allow my eyes to slowly adjust, I begin to finally realise
whereIam.
Zachary! she whispers sternly, as I continue to struggle within her grasp, Zachary, its
me!
Through the improperly drawn curtains, the faint glow of the street lights is replaced with
alternating flashes of red and white. The blaring sound of the siren reaches its peak, before
returningintothedistanceoncemore.
Zachary! she whispers once more persuading my return to reality, as she straddles my
waistandkeepsmywristspinnedtothebed.
Lauren
I begintorelaxmystruggles, asablend ofexhaustionandreliefwashesoverme. I feel her
hairandherhotbreathuponmyface,aswepantwearilytogether.
Itwasjustadream
My eyes remain fixated between the two curtains, as my mind attempts to catch up with
and make sense of the events that have just now transpired. Just asachildwoulddrawcomfort
from his nightlight, I too have found a small solace from this peeping glow. My mouth is dry
and tongue is raw. Heavedfrommystarvinglungsandpassedthroughmyachingthroat,Itryto
regulatethebreaththatpassesovermyalmostcrackinglips
No That was no dream That was a nightmare That same, god damn, fucking
nightmare
I continue to draw comfort from the glow, as I dwell within the thoughts of this infamous
and recurrent encounter of mine. Inmyexperience,IhavefoundtheestablishmentofHelltobe
disturbingly customerorientated. It is my belief and it is something that I can attestto,thatthe
Devil is a master of business. The Devil understands that each of his customers is unique.
Believing that it is absolutely pertinent for each and every one of his customers to receive an
equally unique experience, the Devil does what he does best personalizing each encounter to
suit and to cater for, each one of his customers individual needs. No doubt, it is because of
thesesamevalues,thatHellhasremainedinbusinesseversinceitwasestablished.
ItsokayZachary,sheassuresmerelaxingherholdonmywrists,Youreawakenow.
IturnmyheadtomyrightandIstare intothedarkness. Rememberingmyshame,Icannot
bear to endure the brunt of her kind and arbitrary gaze. Undeservingofsuchcompassion,Ifeel
absolutelypathetic.
...Isigh,asIamabouttoplacemyhandsuponherwaist.
Huh?
Without the need for guidance or instruction, she slides herselfoffofmeandontoherside
ofthebed.
Isthiswhatitscometo?
I prop my elbow behind me, as I sit myself up shakingly. In one smooth motion, I pull
myselfupwardsandIturntomyside.
HaveIpushedherasidethatmanytimesnow,thatwevecreatedsomesortveroutine?
Turning my pillow over, my arm shakes as I lower my head slowly uponit. Thecoldand
crisp sensation, soothing the side of my feverous face, offers me a minor and limited reprieve
fromtheshamethatIfeel.Ipulltheduvetovermyexposedshoulder.
Honeyshetriestocomfortmeplacingherhandgentlyuponmywaist.
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Ofallnights
... I sigh drawing a full breath into my lungs, before letting it out slowly through my
nose.
Well,ofcourseithadtohappentonight
I have also discovered thatinconvenienceisanaddedextra,oftenincludedforfree. Alsoa
master of consumer relations, the Devil is always happy to go that extra mile for his favourite
andmostloyalofcustomers.
I love you... she whispers, as she leans forward and kisses me on the back of my neck
removing her hand from my waist, as she accepts that her show of affection will likely remain
unrequited.
Im gonna be so tired tomorrow God damn it I cant afford not to be at the topofmy
game
I loveyoutooIwhisperplacingmy handuponmywaistandovertheabsenceofhers,
assheturnsaroundandleavesmetofeelsorryformyself.
WhydoIhavetokeepblowingherofflikethat
... I yawn removing my fist from out under the blanket and holding it before my open
mouth.
Whatsthetime,Iwonder?
Pivotingthefistthatcoversmymouth,Isquintatthefaintlyglowinghandsofmywatch.
Ohgod,itsthreeoclockalready
... I sigh once moreclosingmyeyesandtryingtocastfrommymind,justhowdrainedI
amboundtobeonthemostimportantofmornings.
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ChapterTwo
Daddy!Ihearasmallandfamiliarvoice,yellingathissleepingfather.
Ohgod,whattimeisit?
...Igroanturningmyheadinmypillowandsquintingatthefaceofmywatch.
Itsstillsoearly
Daddy,wakeup!pleadsmyuntimelyson.
Beginningtobedraggedovermybody,Igrabaholdoftheduvetthatmysonusestopull
himselfupontothebed.
Goaway
Crawlingacrossthemattress,heplaceshislittlehandsuponmyshouldersandrocksme
backandforthintoahalfwokenstate.Itrymybesttoignorethis.
GoawayElijah
Theshakingbecomesmorebothersome.Idoubtthatitcrosseshismind,thatImaybe
tryingtoignorehimintentionally.Hisunderdevelopedandinadvertentlyinconsideratemind,
likelybelievesthatsuchadeepstateofsleepcanonlymeanthatamorepowerfulstimulusis
requiredofhim.
...Igroan,asIrubmyfingersintomyachingeyesopeningoneofthemandpeeking
carefullythroughit.
Beforeme,withhisteddyinhandandhisheadlevelwithmine,standsmylittlecreation.I
ampromptedtoclosemystingingeye,asitbecomesunbearablysore.
Tenmoreminutes...Igroanrollingoverandturningmybacktohim.
...Ihearhimsniffingthroughhisclearlyblockednose,asIattempttofallbackintomy
slumber
Ohgod
Apartofmeknowsthathewillstandthereforanactualtenminutes.ItwasElijahsfourth
birthdaylastweekandhehadwantedawatchlikehisfathers.SothatiswhatIhadboughthim.
DontworryabouthimLethimwait
Apartofmeknowsthathisislookingathislittlewristandwatching,asthesecondhand
ticksslowlyaway.IbecomeuncomfortableandIbegintofeelbadforthelittleman.Buttoday
isanimportantdayandIamstillverytired.Shruggingoffmyconcerns,IdecideitisbestthatI
ignorehim.
...hesniffsagain.
Forfucksakes
IknowthatIamfoolingmyself.
HowcanIsleepwhenhekeepssniffinglikethat?
Elijahistooyoungtounderstand,thattenminutesisusuallyfollowedbyanotherten
minutes.Theboyissoliteralinhisinterpretations,thathelikelyfailstoanticipatethatanother
tenminutesisusuallyfollowedbytenminutesmore.
WhatisitElijah?Iaskhimtryingtoholdbackmyfrustration.
TodayisthemostimportantdayofmylifeandIamalreadyhandicappedbylastnights
inconvenience.IknowthatthesoonerIgetthislittlemanoutofmyhair,thesoonerIcanreturn
tosomemuchneededsleep.
ElijahItryagain,Whatdoyouwantson?
Hefailstorespond.
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...Elijahsniffsoncemore.
Perhapshedidnthearme
Elijah?Itryoncemore.
WhatareyoudoingElijah?
Elijah?Irepeatmyselfthistime,alittlelouder.
...Iamansweredbyanothercrustysniff,throughhislittlecrustynose.
Whatthehellishedoing?
...Igroan,asIturnaroundoncemore.
Thistimealittlewider,Iopenmyeyeandblinkbackthesting.Elijahsthinandmousy
brownhair,hangsoverhisforehead,ashelookstothefloor.
Whatareyoulookingatkid?
Ireachoverandgrabthelipofthemattress.Pullingupontheedgeofthebedand
executingalazyhalfcrunch,Isitmyselfupandtakealookformyself.Alittleredwatch,onhis
palelittlewrist.Justlikethoseofhismothers,helooksupatmewithhisbigandbeautiful
browneyes.Unlikehismotherthough,hedoesnotthinktoblowhisrunningnose.Rather,he
letsitdryandcakeabovehisupperlipinstead.
HmphYoudirty,littlegrommet
...soundsanothersniff,rightoncue.
Hiseyeswanderingallovermyface,Elijahcontinuestoblinkandsniffinrelativesilence.
Elijah,whatisit?Iaskhimadmittedlyalittleintriguednow.
Hashedonesomethingwrongperhaps?
Ihebeginssheepishly,beforebitinghistongueandlookingtothefloor.
Youwhat?Iprodfurther,Elijah,whatisit?
Mysonliftshisheadandlooksagainatmesilently.Judgingbythelookonhisface,heis
probablynotquitesurehimself.
Huh?
Suddenly,Elijahturnsonhisfeetandscurriesoutoftheroom.Withanincrediblyheavy
gaitforsuchatinyperson,Ilistentohimashestompshiswaydownthewoodenstairs.I
wonderifperhaps,heisheadedtowardsthekitchen,tomakemeanothercupofcoffee.
HmphIcannothelpbutlaughquietlytomyselfthinkingbacktothenightbefore.
Itsthethoughtthatcountsright?
Onlylastnight,afterhavingdraggedmyfeetthroughthedoorandslumpedintomy
favouritechair,Elijahhadtakenituponhimselftopresentmewithhalfacupofcoffeebeans,
mixedtogetherwithcoldwaterandmilk.HadIactuallytakenasip,Imighthaveavoidedlast
nightsterrorsbymitigatingthehumanbodysneedforsleep.
Kidsdotheweirdestthings
...Isighallowingmyelbowtogiveout,asIfallontobackontothebed.
Iarchmylowerbackandextendmylegoutasfarasitwillgo,asItrytostretchoutthe
dullandannoyingpainsthathaveplaguedmealloftheseyears.
Allthisfuckingmoneyandnobodycapableoffixingshit
Growingincreasinglyuncomfortable,Itwistontomyoppositeside.
Goodmorninghoney,shewhisperssoftlyawarmfootplacedgentlyagainstmine.
Ipullmyfootawayandpretendtoremainasleep.Remindedofmyshame,Icannotbear
toopenmyeyesandlookuponthesourceofsuchundeservedcompassion.
Morningsweetie
EleClark
Iturnaroundoncemore.Myshameissoondistracted,asIrealisehowphysicallyand
mentallyexhaustedIam.AsIfeelmybodyfallingasleeponcemore,Icannothelpbutwonder
aboutElijahandhisstompingdownstairs.Thelackofmetalteaspoon,clinkinguponporcelain
cup,hasmebelievethatIamatleastsafefromanotheroneofhisinfamousconcoctions.
...Ibreatheindeeply,beforesighingitbackout.
Shit,IhopeCaitlynsgoteverythingsortedfortodayIprobablyshouldvecheckedmy
flightdetailsbeforeIleftOrmaybeIshouldstartputtingalittlemoretrustinher,given
everythingthatshappenedlatelyWellIguessitstoolateifshehasnt,soImayaswellnot
worryaboutitright?
Irelaxfurther,asIvergeontheedgeofunconsciousness.
Yeah,Isupposetheresreallynopointinworryingabouti
Ah,whatthefuck!Iyell,assomethingisshovedintomyface,withenoughforceto
bringwatertomyrecentlyarideyes.
Crinklingloudly,Ipushwhateveritisawayfrommyface.
SeriouslyElijah?!
CantyouseethatImtryingtosleep?Igrowlathimopeningmyeyestoseemysonon
hisbackside.
Clutchingapieceofpaperalmosthalfhissize,itiscleartoseethatheisstartledbymy
morethanapparentirritation.
Ohgod,pleasedontcry
Elijahturnstoconcealhiswobblingchinandhisdownturnedlips.Risingtohisfeet,he
scurriesoutofthebedroom.
Hejustwantedtoshowyouthepaintinghemadeforyou,Laurenpointsoutsoftly,as
sheplacesherhanduponmywaist,Hefellasleepintheloungelastnight,waitingforyouto
comehome.
Yeah,nevermindthatmysonjustassaultedme
Yousaidyouwouldntbehomelate,shecontinues,Wherewereyoulastnight?
AlwaysonmybloodycaseIgetsomethingshovedinmyface,asImtryingtosleepand
somehowImthebadguy?
Zacharyshewhispersrubbingupanddownonmywaistgently.
IdontneedthisrightnowItellhertryingnottosnap,asIpushherhandoffofme,
NottodayLauren.
ZIhearherabouttopersist,beforedecidingtobitehertongue,Imsorry
AlwaysbloodyapologisingWhydoesshealwaysdothat?NowIfeelliketheworlds
biggestasshole
...Isighdeeplymylungsstillaching,asIdrawbreath.
Well,ImawakenowandIdoubtIllbeabletogetbacktosleepanywayAndtheres
boundtobesomelastminutestuffattheoffice
Hangingmylegsoutfromundertheduvet,Ipropmyselfintoaseatedpositionattheedge
ofthebedandplacemyfeetontothecarpetbelow.
Ohgod
Myheadspins,asIfindmyselfmorethanalittlewoozy.Iwasright.Holdingmyheadin
myhandsandclosingmyeyestight,Itrymybesttopullmyselftogether.
Luckilymysubparperformanceisstillbetterthanninetyninepercentofthesuitsout
there
EleClark
IreachahandouttowardsthebedsidecabinetandfeelforthebottleIhadleftontop.
Takingitinmyhand,Iproceedtounscrewthelidandbringittomylips.
IdidsweatquiteabitlastnightHopefullyImjustdehydrated
Takingamouthfulofwater,itdawnsuponmehowbarrenmythroattrulyis.Myeyes
water,asItrynottoguzzledownthepreciousliquid.Itfeelsgoodasitsoothesmyachingthroat
andtravelsintomyemptystomach.Icannothelpbuthaveanothermouthful.
...Isighoncemorethreadingthelidbackontothebottleandreturningit,toitsplaceon
thebedsidecabinet.
Muchbetter
Pleasedwiththeprogressionofmyrecoverythusfar,Ileanforwardandstandtomyfeet.
Whoa
Steppingforwardsandregainingmybalance,itoccurstomethatImayneedsomethinga
littlestrongerthanwaterifIwishtoremedymysorrystateofaffairs.
TakeiteasybigguyOnestepatatime
Staggeringtowardstheensuite,myfeetstepfromthecarpetandontothecoldbathroom
floor.Shiveringweakly,Ifeelthecolourbegintoreturntomyface.
Hmmm
Lookingdownatthegranitetilesbelowme,Ifeelthesuddendesiretoliedownnaked
uponthem.Entertainingtheidea,Idropmybriefsandletthemfalltomyfeet.
Nah,betternot
AsrefreshingasitmightfeelinmyimaginativeexperienceandasmuchasIbelievethatI
mightpreferanyamountofdiscomfortoverthisspinningnauseaofmine,Iknowthatmybare
asswouldregretitinstantly.
YeahYeahnah,fuckthat
Withasingledownwardsswipeofmymiddlefinger,thelightsilluminatetheroomandthe
extractorfanbeginstowhiraway.Steppingintotheopen,graniteshowerandturningthe
showerheadawayfromme,Iplacemyhanduponthetap.
Acoldshowerperhaps?
...Isigh,asIturnthetaptothefarleftandpullitupwardsthewaterburstsfromthe
showerheadandstrikesthegranitewall.
WhoamIkidding
Thecoldwatersplashesandspecklesmynakedbody,asIturnaroundandmakemyway
towardsthesink.Bendingoverandreachingintothecabinetdrawer,Igrabaholdofthefirst
toothbrushavailabletome,aswellasatubeoftoothpaste.
HmphIsmile,asIuncapthetoothpasteandsqueezeitalongthelengthofthebristles.
Idontgetit?SheshappyformetostickmytongueinhermouthAndifImlucky,
shellevenletmestickmyWellSowhyisitsodisgustingformetousehertoothbrushfrom
timetotime?
Turningonthecoldwater,Iwetthepastebeforeplacingthebrushintomymouth.
Throwingthetoothpastebackintothedrawer,Iplacemylefthandontothesinktosupportmy
waveringstance.
...Isighshakingmyhead,asIlookintothemirroranduponmybody.
Imgettingfat
IdonotlikewhatIsee.AlthoughIdonothaveabelly,myphysiqueisafarcryfromwhat
Ihadachievedinmyearlierdays.
EleClark
IvegottostartworkingoutmoreBetweenworkandfamily,Idonthaveafractionof
thefreetimethatIusedtothough
Stillbrushingmyteeth,Ilookovertheartthatadornshalfofmybody.Myeyesaredrawn
tomyrightbreastandtotheBakuthatcallsithome.Oncecrispandferocious,itisnow
stretchedandfading.
Howthemightyhavefallen
Twistingmyback,Ilookupontheworkmanship,inallofitsentiretythesevenvirtuesof
theBushidoCode,scatteredalongmyupperarmtheCherryBlossomandthemightyDragon,
stationedproudlyuponmybackthetwoinfernalOnimasks,hissingandcursingfrommyside
theGoldenKoi,fightingagainstthecurrent,asheswimsfrommyasscheekandtowardsthe
overhangoftheGoldenGateWaterfallandthestormgodSusanoo,engagedinbattleuponmy
thigh,ashedriveshisdivinebladeintothethroatoftheeightheadedbeast,Orochi.
MaybeIllgotothegymtomorrow
Irunmywifestoothbrushunderthetapandplaceitcarefullyintothedrawer.
Yeah,itllbegoodforme
Holdingthespittleinmymouth,Iturnoffthetapandwalkovertothesteamingshower.
Spittingatthedrainhole,Iwatchasthepasteiswashedawayandcarriedoutofsightbythehot
water.Adjustingthetemperaturetothedesireddegree,asIassessthewaterwithmyhand.
Ohgod
Thehotairmeltsthesweatthathasdriedonmybody.IfeelasifIamcoveredinoil.I
feelasifIamabouttobesick.Furthermore,thewhirringoftheextractorfanisdoingmy
splittingheadachenofavours,asmyheadspinswithit.Ifeelterrible.
ThatgoddamnnoiseAndwhydidshehavetogetlightbulbssobloodybrightfor?
Weighingmyoptions,Iturnaroundandstareatthetwoswitches.
IfIturnofftheextractorfan,itllgetevenhotterAndifitgetsevenhotter,thenausea
willonlygetworseButwhatgoodsfeelingalittlemorecomfortable,ifmyheadsaboutto
explode?
...Isigh,asIslumpmyshouldersandstaggertowardsthedoorframeunabletobearthe
racketanylonger,Islidemyfingerupwardsandoverthesametwoswitches.
Thebathroombecomesalittledarkerandthefanfadestoastop.
Betteralready
Iturntowardstheshowerandassessthetemperatureoncemore.Experimentingwiththe
tap,Itestfortheperfectblendofhotandcold.Finallyachievingthisbalance,Iturntheshower
headawayfromthewallandwithabowofmyhead,Istepintothewater.
ItsnotasbadasIthoughtitdbe
Blastingmefromabove,Icanfeelthesweatbeginningtowashoffmyskin.Frommy
head,downtotherestofmybody,Ifeelmyselfslowlybecomingclean.
...Isigh,asIallowmyselfthissimplepleasure.
Closingmyeyesandholdingmybreath,Ipresentmyfacetothesourceofthiswarmand
cleansingdownpour.Witheyesstillsealed,IreachforoneofLaurensmanyfacewashes.
Uncappingthelid,Isqueezeawholelotmorethantherecommendedamountintomyopenhand.
Rubbingthisridiculouslyoverpricedproductbetweenmypalms,Ilookawayfromtheshower
head,asIproceedtorubitintomyface.Tinygranulesbegintoexfoliatemyface,asIscrubas
hardasIcan,inanupanddownmotion.
SmellsgoodLikeavanillacoconutIthink?
EleClark
Liftingmyhead,Ibegintorinsemyfaceclean.Rubbingthewaterawayfrommyeyes,I
tilttheshowerheadslightlydownwards.Reachingfortheheadofanotherbottle,Ipumpa
handfulofshampoointomyroundedhand.Beingverycarefulandplacingonehandunderthe
other,Iflipitontomyheadandbegintolathermyhairasfastasmyfingerswillallowme.
Beforetoomuchoftheproductcanfallawayandgetwasheddownthedrain,Iamableto
developanimpressivenumberofbubblesontopofmyhead.
OoohThisoneslikeamangoandaAndaHmmmImsureIvesmeltthisone
before
Takingthebottleinmyhand,Isearchfortheidentityofthissuspectedscent.
Frangipanihuh?IdontthinkIveevereatenoneofthosebeforeImustgiveitago
someday
Scrapingthebubblesfrommyforeheadandpushingthembackintomyhair,Iproceedto
rinsemyhandsclean.Iamnoexpertoneverydayhaircare,butwhatIdoknowisthisthemore
shampoo,thebetterthemorebubbles,thebetterthelongeryoucanleavetheshampooinyour
hair,thebettershampoothatrunsintoyoureyesisnotidealandlastly,thatconditioneris
largelyunnecessary.
Whatdoesitevendo?Itdoesntevenmakebubbles
Returningthebottletotheshelf,Ilookaboutforsomethinglargerthanasmallsliverof
soap.
Bloodyhell,IthoughtItoldhertogetmesomemoreSoapscum,soapscum,soap
scumIfthatbodywashshitactuallydidanything,Imightnothavetokeepusingit
Unabletosettleforanythingmore,Igrabthesliverofsoapandbegintowashmybody
withit.Asmymorningritualdictates,Ireachovermyleftshoulderandwiththeassistanceof
myhand,Iamabletoreachthatlittlebitfurther.
AreyoufuckingseriousLauren?
Thebathroomfillsoncemorewiththeblazinglightofthebulbsandtheblaringnoiseof
thefan.
Sorryhoney...beginsmywife,Butthecondensationwillmaketheceilingmouldy.
Ohmyfuckinggod
Itdoesnotoccurtomywife,thatImightalreadyknowthisandIampossiblynotasthick
asshewouldhavemebelieve.Itdoesnotoccurtomywife,thatImighthaveleftthemofffora
reason.
ShebetternotcomplainaboutmeusingsoapeitherItsherowndamnfault,fornot
allowingmetohireacleaner
Returningfrommyannoyedthoughts,Ilookather,lookingatme.
Imsorryshewhispers,asshecontinuestostareatmewithaconcernedlookuponher
face.
ComeonLaurenNottoday
Withastarejustlikehersons,sheremainsunderthearchofthedoor,asIcontinueto
lathermybody.Droppingherhead,shestaresquietlyatthebathroomfloor.
DontLaurenYouknowhowimportanttodayis
Meetingmyeyesonlybriefly,shelooksoncemoretothefloor.Sheobviouslyhas
somethingtosay,butIdarenotask.Icannotaffordtoplacemorestressuponmyself.Not
today.
Idontwanttocauseafighthoneyshewhispers,afterhavingnotbeenasked.
EleClark
Ohmyfuckinggod,herewegoagain
Shereallyjustdid.DecidingthatIamdonehere,Ithrowwhatisleftofthesoapatthe
wallandIstarttofuriouslyrinsetheshampoofrommyhair.Iampissed.
YIbegin,beforethinkingbetterofit.
Youjusthadto,didntyou?!HowmanytimesmustwefuckingdothisLauren?!Andof
alldaystoo!
Runningmyhandsystematicallyoverandbetweeneveryinchofmybody,Irinsethe
remainingsudsaway,asItrytokeepmyselftogetherinthefaceofthisquicklywarmingtemper.
Fuck!
Zashebegins.
Nottoday!Iyell,asIswipeatthestucksliveronthewall,Howmanyti
Thenwhen?sheinterruptsmerightback,IfnottodayZachary,thenwhen?
Icannothelpbutlookather.Fromhercheektoherjawline,runsthebaneofmy
existence.AconstantreminderofthedayIalmostkilledthewomanIhadsworntoprotect.
Fuckinhell
JustIsighturningofftheshowerandrunningmyfingersthroughmyhair,Justnot
today.PleaseLauren.Please.
Youcantkeepputtingthisoffhoney,sheremindsmeforthefirsttimetoday,Youneed
total
Ineedtotalktoaboutit?Ibeathertoitlaughingmaniacally,asIstepoutoftheshower
andgrabmyselfatowel,What,withashrink?Becauseitsreallythatsimpleright?
Mywifecrossesherarmsandavertshergaze,asIridiculeherrecommendation.
Youjustcantbloodyhelpyourself,canyou?!
Here!Icontinuemocking,asIbegintodrymyself,Beforewegetstarted,heressome
ofmywellearntmoney!Nowthatthatsdone,whereshallwebegintowasteeachotherstime
today?Whatsthat?YouwanttotalkaboutsomethingIalreadyknow,becauseIwasthere
whenithappened?Sure!Whatabrilliantidea!No,no,keeptalking!Ireallyvalueyourinput!
Whatelsedoyourtextbookssayaboutme?Really?Ohwow!Howinsightful!Wait,whats
that?No,surelynot!Itcouldntpossiblybetimealready!Whatdaywouldsuitme,yousay?
Youknowwhat?Idlovetotakemoretimeoutofmyalreadyimpossibleschedule,butIdont
thinkthatdbenecessary!No,dontgetmewrong!No,itsnotlikethat!No,itsnotthatI
dontwanttoseeyouagainNo,Itoldyouitsnotlikethat!ItsbecauseIdontthinkIneed
to!Iwasalittleskepticalatfirst,butIactuallythinkyouvedoneit!IfeellikeImallfixed!I
cantwaittoneverhavetothinkaboutthatnearlykillingmywife,everagain!Myonlyregretis
thatIdidntgetaroundtodoingthissooner!
Areyoudoneyet?shewhispers.
Iwasdonelongbeforeweevengotstarted!Icontinuetomock,Whataboutyou
Lauren?Areyou?
Shewipesherbrimmingeyesandproceedstosniffquietly,assheremainsstandinginthe
doorway.
Talkaboutashitstarttotheday
AnditsnotaboutfixingyourselfZachary,shesniffles,asIhaveobviouslynotheardthe
lastofher,Orabouttryingtoforget.Itsaboutforgivingyourself.
Forgivingmyself?Iyell,asIthrowmytowelontothefloor.
Whoa
EleClark
Iplacemyhandagainstthewall,asmysuddenoutburstofenergyhasmefeelwoozyonce
more.
Howmanytimesdowehavetogothroughthis?Icontinuethistimeawholelotmore
reasonably,Howdoyouexpectmetopossiblyforgivemyself?YoucouldhavediedLauren!
Icouldhavekilledyou!
Butyoudidnt,shewhispers.
ButIjustaseasilycouldhave,Iremindher,asIbendovertopickupthetowelandplace
itintothelaundrybasket,Look.Thisissomethingthatwillstickwithmefortherestofmylife
andAndIdontexpectforyoutoeverunderstandthat.IdidwhatIdidandIjusthavetolive
withit.Ijustwishthatyoudletme.
Butyoudonthaveto,shecontinuestryingtogetariseoutofme,Itslikeyouve
alreadymadeupyourmind.
Unbelievable
YouthinkIenjoythis?Ishakemyheadindisbelief,asItrytoholdmyselftogether,
YouthinkIenjoygoingtobedeverynight,wonderingiftonightsthenight?WonderingifIll
beabletogetagoodnightssleepornot?YouthinkIenjoyworkingmyselftothepointof
exhaustionandbeingtooafraidtoclosemyfuckingeyes?YouthinkI
Youwonteventry!shecriesouthertinyframetrembling,asshestandsherground.
Ohgod
Sheisclearlyupset.Justlikeoursonshad,herchinbeginstowobbletoo.Ifindmy
temperquicklydissolving,asastraytearrollsoverthescaronhercheek.
...Isigh,asIemptymylungsthroughmynose,Iknowyouwantmetogetbetter.I
knowthatLauren.ButthesenightmaresThesenightmaresarejustapartofwhoIamnow.I
justwishyouwouldntbringupthepastallthetime.IjustwishIjustwishthatIcouldbeleft
todealwithmyownproblems,inmyownway.Iwishthatwecouldjustbehappyagain.
ButthatsjustitZachary!shecontinues,asshewipesawayhertears,Itsnotjustyour
problemthoughtisit?Itaffectsustoo!Wearenthappy,becauseyourenothappyZachary!
...Isighmyreticenceasmalladmissionofheraccusations.
Youveworkedsohard,!shecontinues,Youvedrownedyourselfinyourwork,asa
waytodealwitheverything!ButyoudonthavetoanymoreZachary!Youvemadeit!You
havemadeit!YouaretheCEOofthenationslargestcorporation,forcryingoutloud!Andfor
what?WhatmoredoyouwantZachary?Whydoyouinsistonstillworkingyourselftodeath?
Tobuyyoueverythingyouveeverwanted!Iyelltryingnottopullmyhairout.
ButIdontneedanythingZachary!sheyellsinreturn,Ijustwantmyhusbandback!
Ipursemylips,asItrytocontaintheprofanitiesIholdonthetipofmytongue.
FuckinghellLauren,youresofullofshitandyouknowit!
Whataboutthisapartmenthuh?Icontinuestarknakedandshakingmyhead,withmy
armsheldoutwide,Youwantedthisbigflashyapartment!AndyouknowwhatIdid?You
knowwhatIdidLauren?Igaveittoyou!Whataboutallthosegoddamnclothes?Whodo
youthinkpaidforallthat?Whodoyouthinkpaidforeverythingthatyouown?Allyouever
didwasdressupandgoouttothosefancyassrestaurants,withyourfancyassfriendsandeat
thosestupidass,hundreddollarsalads!Iveboughtyoueverythingyouveeverwanted
Lauren!Andyouknowwhat?Iwashappyto!AndIstillam!SodontyouaskmewhyI
worksohard,likeyouhavenoidea!
EleClark
ThingsaredifferentnowthoughZachary!shecries,Youhaveasonnow!Asonwho
barelyknowswhohisfatheris!Youspendmoretimeatworkthanyoudoathome!Andeven
whenyouarehere,itslikeItslikeyoudontevenwanttobe!Hejustwantstospendtime
withyouZachary.Webothdo.
...Isighunabletoarguefurther.
IthoughtthathavingachildtogetherwouldvefixedourrelationshipNotthatIdont
lovethelittleguyButeversincehewasborn,allshedoesiskeepherselfcoopedupinsideI
cantrememberthelasttimeshewentoutwithherfriends,orspenttimewiththemoutsideof
likingandcommentingonpicturesofeachothersfoodItneverusedtobelikethisItnever
usedtobethishardIpreferreditwhenshehadwantedtheworldAtleastthen,Iwasableto
giveherwhatshehadwantedEverytimeIwasabletopayforsomething,itfeltlikeIwas
buyingsomeSometemporaryformofforgivenessorsomethingIwashappytoworkmyself
intoanearlygrave,ifitmeantbeingabletomakeherhappyButforyearsnow,shehasnt
askedforanythingexceptformytimeAnditsnotlikeIdontwannagiveittohereitherId
lovetobeabletocomehomeandspendmoretimewithmywifeandsonButifIdontkeep
myselfuptomyearsindeadlinesandburymyselfwithwork,thenmymindstartstobecome
idleIneedtokeepmymindbusyIknowImightnotbedealingwithmyissues,butatleastI
onlydreamonceortwiceaweeknow,insteadofeverysinglenightIknowthatworkingthis
muchcantbegoodforme,butButifIhavetokeeponrevisitingthatplace,Idratherdoitas
fewertimesaspossible,ifIcanhelpitIworksothatIdonthavetimetorememberandAnd
sheknowsthatIknowshelovesmeandsheknowsIlovehertoo,butButIcantjustforgive
myself,aseasilyasshemakesitsoundIwishIcould,butIcantIjustwishshedletitgo
...foronceshesniffs,asshecontinuestowipeunderhereyeswithhersleeve.
Huh?
Foronce,what?Iaskaconfusedlookonmyface,afterhavingjustsnappedoutofmy
thoughts.
Nevermind,shewhispers,asshepusheshershoulderoffofthedoorframe,Illbe
downstairs.
Lookingatmeoncemore,throughtheinfinitekindnessofherbigbrowneyes,sheexitsthe
bathroomandleavesmetobe.
Fuck
Ilookintothemirrorandwishhowthingscouldbedifferent.Ilookalongtheshelfandat
eachandeveryoneofhercosmetics.
SheneverusedtouseanyofthisshitNowshespendsagoodhalfhoureverysingleday,
justtomakeherselflookprettyaroundthehouseTrynnahidethatscarfrommeAndshe
doesagoodjobaboutittooIcanbarelymakeitoutmostdays,butitdoesnthelpthatIknow
itsthereIfIsearchforit,ofcourseImgonnafinditThefactthatsheputsinsomucheffort
tooTomakebeingaroundher,easierformeTomakelookingatherlesspainfulHowcan
shebesokindtome?Howcansheforgivemesoeasily?
...Isigh,asIreachformydeodorantandrollitundermyarms.
NoSheneverforgaveme,becausesheneverblamedmeinthefirstplace
...Isighagainpumpinganiotaofmoisturiserontomyfinger,beforerubbingitintomy
handsandmyface.
Gross
EleClark
Ihavealwaysdislikedthefeelingofmoisturizer,sunblock,oranysortoflotiononmy
skin.Unfortunatelyforme,thefaceofWhithamBryerscannotaffordtobeanythinglessthan
perfect.Iamnoexpertoneverydayskincare,butwhatIdoknowisthisthelessmoisturiser
onecangetawaywith,thebetter.Continuingtoholdtruetoroutine,Ispraymyselfwithsome
fragrance,cleanoutmyearsandspikeupmyhair.
ThemorningsstillrecoverableAllthatslefttodo,isgetdressedandgetsomegrubin
meThisfightsfarfromlost
Returningtothebedroom,IseeElijahspaintingplacedstrategicallyontopofthebed.
HmphIsmileknowingfullwell,hewillpretendhehadnopartinthis.
One,two,threestickmenIsupposethatsLauren,ElijahandIButwhatthehellare
those?Reddotsofsomesort?Andablacktrianglewithwhiteteeth?Ihavenoideawhathes
trynnadepicthere,butIllmakesuretotellhimIloveitanyway
Openingtheslidingdoorsofthecloset,Ibegintodressmyselfwithmyinitiallayers.After
havingsteppedintomysocksandbriefs,Iremoveoneofthemanypurpledressshirtsfromtheir
coathangers.
Thecolourofroyalty
Buttoningtheshirtdownwards,Ipulloutasmalldrawerandscanovermyselectionof
cufflinks.
Thesewilldo
Reachingforandclimbingintoapairofblackdresspants,Ithreadmyfavouritebelt
throughtheloopsofmywaist,beforetuckingmyshirtinandpullingittight.
TalkaboutaselfesteemboostYeah,Illdefinitelybegoingtomorrow
IgnoringthefactthatImightneedanewbeltsoon,Ireachforoneofmydeepestdisgraces.
Positioningitabovetheuppermostbuttonofmyshirt,Iclipononeofmymany,blacktextured
ties.
Hmmm
Sodarkthatitisalmostblack,Islipintomyselectedwaistcoatandbegintobuttonit
accordingly.
DarkpurpleonnotsodarkpurpleIcouldvebeenafashionista,withthisflarefor
fashionofmine
Feedingmyarmsintotheliningofmybestblackjacket,Islipmyfeetintothepairof
alligatorleather,laceupshoesbeforeme.Fasteningthetopbuttonofthesuit,Istepoutfrom
thewardrobeandstandproudlybeforethefulllengthmirrorofthemasterbedroom.
HmmmOnemorething
Roamingintothewardrobeoncemore,Ipushthecufflinkdrawerforwardsandpulloutthe
drawerunderneathit.Selectingadarkblueandprefoldedhandkerchief,Islotincarefullyinto
mybreastpocket.
Letsseewhatwelooklike
Steppingbeforethemirroroncemore,Icannothelpbutsmile.
Black,purpleandblueJustliketodaysdeal,afterImdonesmashingit!
HmphIcannothelpbutlaughatmyownjoke,asIpuffmychestoutproudly.
Timetostartwritinghistory,yousmartlookingmanYouvegotthisThisiswhatyou
werebornfor
...soundsthegrindingofbeansandthechurningofthecoffeemachinedownstairs.
Ohgod,Icouldkillforoneofthose
EleClark
Ibeginmakingmywaydownstairs,afterrememberingtoswipethemysteriouspainting
fromthebed.Icansmellcoffee.Hotcoffee.MakingsurethatIdonotmissthefinalandoften
overlookedstepofthestairs,Imaneuvermywaythroughthetoysthatlittertheloungeandenter
intothekitchenunscathed.
Ismellcoffee!Iannouncemerrily,asIclapmyhandstogetherpickingupmyfavourite
mugandtakingasmallsip,DidyoumakethisformeElijah?
Elijahturnshisheadsofar,thatheturnshiswholebacktome.
Okay,IguessIdeservethat
Itakeanothersmallsipfrommymug.
Iwonderifanyoneelseseverboughtoneoftheseforthemselves?Theydidntevenaskfor
areferenceIwonderhowmanyotherselfproclaimed,numberonedadsmightbeoutthere?
Istareatthebackofmyson'sheadandtakeanothersipofmycoffee.Heistooyoungto
understand,thatjustbecausehecannotseeme,doesnotmeanthatIcannotnecessarilyseehim.
KnowingthatheisonlytryingtodemonstratetomethatIhavehurthisfeelings,Idecidenotto
pointthisout.
IloveyourpaintingElijah!Ilie,asIpretendtobeinaweofit,Isitforme?CanIkeep
it?
Twistinghisheadevenfurther,hecontinuestosulkinhischair.
Itrynottolaugh,inthefaceofsuchimpracticalityturninghimselfsofarnow,thatI
canseehalfofhisfaceagain.
Asillogicalashisactionsare,Iseewhatheistryingtoachieve.
...Isigh,asIwalktowardsthetableandtakeaseatnexttomyson.
Laurenplacesaplatedownbeforeme.Bacon,sausage,scrambledeggs,hashbrowns,
mushrooms,tomatoesandanalreadybutteredpieceoftoast.
Awesome
Inodaquietthankstomywife,assheleavesmetorepairmyrelationshipwithmyson.I
placemymugontothetableandpositionthepaintingbetweenthetwoofus.
Sothisoneismeright?Ibegin,asIpointtothetallestofthestickmen.
Elijahquicklyturnshishead,beforeresumingtodenymehisface.
No,thatsMum!heturnsaroundquickly,totellmematteroffactly.
ButImthetallestinthisfamily,bymorethanafoot
Ah,ofcourse,Iagreewithhimsarcastically,Howsillyofme.
Laurenthrowsmeaglance,afterhavingnotsatisfiedherbeliefofhowseriouslyIshould
betakingthismatter.
Okay,maybeImbeingalittletoocriticalofhimHesonlyfourandahalf,soIguessI
canletsuchparticularsslidefornow
AndImguessingthatsyouthere?Itryagain,asIpointtoanotherwithfiftypercent
oddsthistime,Iknowthatmychancesareonlygettingbetter.
Yeah,andthatsyou,heblurtsout,afterhavingturnedtoidentifytheremaining
stickmanwithhislittlefinger.
Rememberinghisdisdaintowardsme,Elijahsuddenlyresumeshisdemeanourandturns
awayoncemore.
Hmph
Beforesubjectingmyselftoanymoreofhiscapriciouscontempt,Itakethismomentto
diceuptheitemsonmyplateintomany,bitesizedpieces.Iamnoexpertongustationandthe
EleClark
culinaryarts,butwhatIdoknowisthisitisbesttoincludeabitofeverything,ineverysingle
mouthfulandwhenamassingeachmouthfuluponyourfork,itisbesttostartwiththemost
fragileitemsfirst.Lickingthegreasefrommyknife,Isetitasideandplacemyforkintomy
righthand,sothatIcanbeginstabbingatmyplate.
Toast,bacon,sausage,mushroom,tomato,hashbrownandegg
HIamabouttoaskmywifeforsometomatosauce,beforedecidingtobitemytongue.
Observingmefrombehindthekitchenbench,Igatherfromthelessthanimpressedlook
uponherface,thatitmightbeagoodideatoputmysonsfeelingsbeforemystomachtoday.
Maybenotagoodideathen
So,ahImumble,asIlookoverhispainting,TheselittleredthingsWhatarethey
supposedtobeElijah?
Cherrytomatoes!heblurtsoncemore.
Cherrytomatoes?
HmphIlaughquietly,asIbitedownupontherootofmyforkandpullitthroughmy
teethslidingtheassortmentofgoodnessintomyalreadywateringmouth.
Ohshit
Realisingmymistake,Iquicklynodmyheadandbegintomakesoundsofdelight.Raising
myeyesnervously,sheisalittletoolateinturningbacktoherstove.Ihadglimpsedthestartof
asmile.
...IbreatheeasyrealisingthatIhadjustdodgedabullet.
OnethingthatIdoclaimexpertisein,isgettingmyselfoutoftrouble.Thegoldenruleis
thisifonecanmakethescornfuleithersmileorlaugh,thenonebecomesfreefromsuchscorn.
Everyartistisproudoftheircreationsandalthoughtheymaynotalwayswanttoadmitit,every
artistwilltakegreatsatisfactionwhentheirhardworkisgiventherecognitiontheyfeelit
deserves.Evenifitisjustahomecookedbreakfast.
Untouchable
Daddyhemumbles,withhisheadfacingdownandhiseyeslookingup,Doyou
knowwhatthatoneis?
HmphIsmile,asIcanseethatmyfamilyhasforgivenmeforthemostpart,Which
one?
ThisoneDad!hesmilesinreturnstabbingwithhisfinger,whatcouldonlybea
threesidedmonster,withahundredwhiteteeth.
Isuredoson,Itreadcarefully,ButIthinkyourmotherishavingahardtimefiguringit
outfromallthewayoverthere.WhydontyouherwhatitisElijah?
Anotherheadspins,asIamglaredatcheekily.
YupDefinitelyforgiven
ShealreadyknowsDad!helaughs,alongwithhismother,Ialreadyshowedherlast
night.
Ohfuck
Isearchmyusuallywittybrain,foracleverresponsetoliberatemefrommysonssurely
growingsuspicion.Nothing.
ItsapianoDaddy,heinformsme.
Apiano?
...Isighshakingmyheadatthewomanwhotakesanapparentpleasureinseeingoneof
themostpowerfulmeninthecountry,atthemercyofachild.
EleClark
Iamgratefulforhisunpromptedreveal,butIamalsoalittleconcerned.
Cherrytomatoesandapiano?Wedontevenhaveapiano?AndifIrecallcorrectly,he
cantstandthetasteoftomatoesWell,whatdidIexpectfromakidwhocantevenutilise
heightproperly,inhisillustrations?IthinkIlljustputthisonedowntoaverypeculiaranswer,
fromanequallypeculiarboy
Whyapiano?Iaskinquisitively.
Well...hebeginscirclinghisfingeraroundwhatisapparentlyapiano.
WellIsupposethosewhitelinessortvelooklikekeys
Elijah?Iprompthimwatchingashecontinuestocirclehislittlefinger,afterseemingly
forgettinghistrainofthought,Well,what?
SoyoucanplayforusDad!heanswers,inhismatteroffacttoneoncemorelookingat
me,asifIfailtoseewhatIobviouslyam.
Really?Iask.
Yup,hereplieseasilynowstabbingthesupposedkeyswithhisfinger.
ElijahIlaughtryingtounderstandwhereallthismighthavecomefrom,Youdo
realisethatIveneverplayedthepianoinmyliferight?
Iknow,herepliessimply.
Iamleftbothextremelyconfusedandalittlebitamused.
Howdoeshenotseetheproblemhere?
Ihatetosayitson,IcannothelplaughingreflectingbacktothevividimaginationI
oncehad,whenItoowasaboy,IfIdidplay,IdontthinkIdbeverygood.
Butyouwillbe,heanswersagainunphasedbyanylogicthrownhisway,Youlllearn
reallyfast.YoureprettycleverDad.
Laurenleavesherstationandplacesanomelettebeforeourson.KissingElijahonthe
head,shepickshimupandsitshimbackdownuponherlap.Allthewhile,Iamtryingtoquash
thepridethatthreatenstoescapefrommytearducts.LaurenandIlookateachother,with
beamingsmiles.Itisobviousthatthefeelingismutual.
Yeah,wemighthavemoreproblemsthantheaveragecouple,butWell,Isupposewere
notanaveragecoupletobeginwitharewe?ButonethingsforcertainWevecreated
somethingprettyspecialrighthere
Andthecherrytomatoes?Iaskhavingpartiallyregainedmycomposure,Wheredo
theycomeintoallthis?
YouregoingtogrowsomeforusDad,herepliesoncemoreansweringasifitis
somethingsoblatantlytrue.
Ihatetoburstyourbubblekid,Ilaughagaincounteringwithsomemoreofmylogic,
Weliveinanapartment.Wherearewegoingtogrowthem,ifwehavenowheretoplant
anything?
Youknow!hesmilesmischievouslyraisinghiseyebrows,asifhewerehintingto
somethingIwasprivytoandhismotherwasnot.
NotetoselfLogicisnotrecognisedasanacceptedformofreasoning,inthedealings
withafouryearold
Ilookatmysonwithconfusion.Ilookatmywifewithconfusion.
IstheresomethingIshouldknow?Imouthtoher.
Laurenshrugshershouldersandshakesherhead,withanequallyconfusedexpression
uponherface.
EleClark
Inourgarden!addsElijahhavingtospellitout,afterseeingmestrugglingsomuch.
Huh?
Ourgarden?IasklookingatLaurenforanotherhint.
AtournewhouseDad!helaughsslappinghisforehead,asifIweredumb.
Laurenseyebrowsarescrunchedwithpuzzlement,assheslowlyshakesherhead.
Ournewhouse?
WhatnewhouseElijah?Iaskhim,asIassembleanotherforkfulofmyquicklycooling
breakfast.
Theoneyouwillbuildbackhomesilly!heslapshisforeheadagain,asifhehastoldme
fortheumpteenthtime.
Backhome?
Lookingathismother,Iseehershakingherheadadamantly.
IveneveroncementionedtohimwhereIdcomefrom?Anditsnotlikewehaveany
photosoftheplace,orkeepintouchwithanyonethatstilllivesthere?AndIthoughtImadeit
cleartoher,thatwerenevertogobacktothatplace?Thatisonecountry,filledwithfartoo
manymemoriesThatsoneplaceIdratherforget
Laurenkeepsshakingherhead.Sheknowsfullwell,mystanceontalkingabouttheplace
ofmyyoungeryears.
BothofouraccentsaredifferenttoeveryoneelsesIsuppose
Iletthisslide,asIshovelanotherforkfuloffoodintomymouth.
Andhedidntsaywhere,soheprobablyjustassumesthatitssomewhereotherthan
here
Youdontevenliketomatoes,IrealisepointingthisouttoElijah,withanopenmouth.
Ohshit
Icantranslatefromhersuddenglare,thatIshouldnotpracticesuchungentlemanly
behaviourinfrontofouryoungandeasilyinfluenceableson.Iclosemymouth,sorrythatIhad.
ButyoudoDad,hepointsout,ashetriestostifleagrowinglaughterinsideofhimself.
Huh?
What?Iask,Whatisit?
Justdontsquirtitonyourshirtagain!heburstsoutlaughing.
Onmyshirtagain?Iask,beforeithitsme.
WowNowayhecouldpossiblyrememberthat?
Laurenlooksoddlyimpressed,asshebeginstoremembertoo.
...Ilaughalittleamazed,asIbegintothinkbacktotheday.
WedbeenouttolunchtogetherlastyearsometimeNo,itwasoverayearagonow
Almosttwo,infactWewereatsomepizzaandpastajointIhadorderedapizzaofsomesort
forElijahandItoshareandLaurenhadorderedapastaCherrytomatoes,parmesanand
basilorsomethingHalfwaythroughthemeal,Istoleoneofhertomatoesandputitbetween
myteethandteasedherwithitMuckingaround,Ibitintoit,notmeaningtoanditsquirted
everywhere!MyshirtwasruinedButtoElijah,itwasthefunniestthingintheworld
IbegintojoininwithElijah,laughinghystericallytoo.Laurencannothelpbutjoininthe
funwithus.Laughingbetweenourselves,Ilooktomyson.
Huh?
Nolongerlaughing,butstillbeamingfromeartoear,helooksbackandforthbetweenhis
motherandI.
EleClark
HmphIsmile,asIbecomesilentaswell.
Lookingatmelovingly,Imeethereyesandwesmilesomemore.Elijahcontinuesto
beam,ashebasksinthisrareandpreciousmomentofours.Thebrushstrokesofherfoundation,
leadsmefromhereyesandtotheflawthatshecovers.Icouldnothelpmyself.
Look,itsalmostsevenoclock!Iannounce,asIrisefrommyunfinishedbreakfast.
Mywalletandphone
IreachoverthekitchenbenchandfeelwhereIhadleftthemlastnight.Shelooksatme,
withhurtinhereyes.
ImsorryLauren
IpickuptheseitemsandIplacetheminmypockets.Mysonmaynotunderstandwhy,but
herealisesthesuddenchangeinmymood.Myheartbreaks,asIseehimhanghisheadandlook
intohislap.Icannothelpbutwonder,ifhethinksthatitmighthavebeenhimthathaddone
somethingwrong.
ImsorryElijah...
Iloveyou,Imurmur,asIwalkovertomywifeandkissheronthecheekherleftcheek.
Iloveyoutoo,shesmilesmeekly.
Iloveyoubuddy,Isigh,asIkissElijahonhisforeheadbothagoodbyeandanapology.
Imsosorryson
Ifeelterribleforhavinggivenhimatasteofwhatwecouldhavebeen,onlytoremindhim
ofwhatis.
Flysafe,shetellsme,asIamheadedtowardsthedoor.
Fly?asksElijahlookingathismother,beforelookingatme,Areyougoingawayagain
Daddy?
Helooksconcerned.
Yesson,butonlyfortheday,Iassurehim,Illbehomebeforeyougotosleep,totuck
youin.
Areyoustillcomingtomorrow?heaskslookingdisappointedalready,asifpreparing
himselftobeletdown.
Tomorrow?
Ilooktohismotherforahint.
Hissoccergame,shetellsme,withanannoyanceinhervoice.
Thatsright
OIamabouttospeak,beforeIamstoppedbyalookthattellsmetochoosemynext
wordscarefully,Yesson,ofcourseIllbethere.
Doyoupromise?heasks,asheliftshisheadhopefullyhisbigbrowneyestryingtohold
metomyword.
...Isigh.
IdontblamehimItsnotasifIhaventlethimdownbefore
Inoticethathismotherislookingatmetoo.Thistime,awholelotmorefirmly.
Yeah,IdontblameyoueitherLauren
IpromiseElijah,Icommittohim,Illbethere,ifyoullbethere.
Jumpingfromhismotherslap,heturnstolookatherexcitedly.Mirroringhim,shespurs
hisdelight.Lookingbacktomewithhisbigbrowneyes,hismothertakesthismomentto
abandonherfalseelationandflashmeanexpression,showingjusthowaccountableIwillbe
heldforthis,ifIfailtofollowthroughonanotherpromise.
EleClark
Well,Illseeyoualltonight!Ideclare,asIremovemywalletfrommypocketandswipe
itonthepanelbeforeme.
ByeDaddy!wavesmyson,asIstepintotheopenelevatordoors.
Laurenkeepsmeonedge,ashereyescontinuetoholdmetomypromise.
ComeonComeonClosealready,wouldyou?
Byeson!Ismile,asIstartpushingbuttons.
Comeon,damnit
Theelevatordoorsbegintoclose,asIwavemysongoodbye.
...Isigh,asasmallweightfallsoffofmyshouldersnotmuch,butsome.
TimetowriteyourselfintothosehistorybooksZachTodaysyourday
EleClark

The Kayson Point Trilogy, Book One - White Blood Cells, Chapters ONE & TWO

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The Kayson Point Trilogy, Book One - White Blood Cells, Chapters ONE & TWO

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TheKaysonPointTrilogyBookOne:WhiteBloodCells

We travel eastwards. Climbing onwardsandupwards,wecontinuetomakeourway along

trauma sustained by a snowboarding accident, to be somehow congenital. I had found myself

itself were moving me. It was as ifmyownaccordcouldnothavebeentrusted,tohave actedin

andtimeagainintonothingness. No. Sofaintatfirst,thatIwonderifitmighthavejustbeenmy

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The Kayson Point Trilogy, Book One - White Blood Cells, Chapters ONE &amp; TWO

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The Kayson Point Trilogy, Book One - White Blood Cells, Chapters ONE &amp; TWO

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

TheKaysonPointTrilogyBookOne:WhiteBloodCells

We travel eastwards. Climbing onwardsandupwards,wecontinuetomakeourway along

trauma sustained by a snowboarding accident, to be somehow congenital. I had found myself

itself were moving me. It was as ifmyownaccordcouldnothavebeentrusted,tohave actedin

andtimeagainintonothingness. No. Sofaintatfirst,thatIwonderifitmighthavejustbeenmy

You might also like

The Kayson Point Trilogy, Book One - White Blood Cells, Chapters ONE & TWO

The Kayson Point Trilogy, Book One - White Blood Cells, Chapters ONE & TWO