theWorkZine

Vol2.Issue3. March2010
Price: Free

The need for a better way to do business

Rafayili Ronald Rwakigumba Sleek

Glenn Lauren Love @rhinorck Priscilla Mbabazi

Brian B Coutinho Bee Bernard Ewalu Olupot

Auma Maria Kagayi Peter

Sara AKelly
 theWorkZine

Techies vs Accountants 3

Getting back from the sack 5

And What of Now? 10

Tips and Tricks for the Ignorant 13

Idler’s Corner 14

The Cuddlers 16

SuperPower Nation 20

The Team Writers In This Issue

Businge Abid Weere Ronald Rwakigumba
Managing Editor Rafayili
Raymond Kukundakwe<rhino>
@rhinorck
Content and Design Editor
Jacque Kasoma Glenn Lauren Love
Legal Affairs Editor Bee
Darlyne Komukama
Brian B Coutinho
Fashion Editor
Bernard Olupot Sara AKelly
Prose and Poetry Editor Sleek
Lourd Mathhias Muwonge Priscilla Mbabazi
Sports Editor
Kagayi Peter
Gereminah Oberu
Designer Bernard Ewalu Olupot
@rhinorck Auma Maria
 Editor’s Word

Techies vs Accountants

It’s an open secret that work is a popularity contest.
To win it you have to work hard, be innovative, be con-
sistent or just kiss ass. The rewards are a promotion,
more pay, more benefits, transfer to a more lucrative
office, more power, less workload, bonus at the end of
the year, longer leave days, “business lunches”, out of
town workshops with eye-popping amounts of per-
diem, “consultative” meetings abroad and all crap
like that . But there are two groups of people who
seem to be competing for the title of least popular at
the workplace.
The WorkZine editor notes that each issue has had a
complaint about IT people. Doreen <Nairobi > shud-
ders when you mention IT: “those think they are on
top of the world. Just because they can switch on
a computer doesn’t make you royalty.” For Brenda
<withheld> its personal: “IT guys SUCK.They do not
respect our privacy, they hack into our email and read
our raunchy emails to our significant others.” For Er-
nest, IT guys are beyond redemption as he shows in
this joke: “What do you call 5000 #IT guys at the bot-
tom of the ocean? A good start.”
Micheal <Cape Town > decries finance: “the finance
department guys behave like they own the company.
That is MY money!” Akinola <Lagos> doesn’t really
care: “as long as my machine is working and my sal-
ary is paid promptly, they can dance with anybody
naked.” Don <fort portal > is an IT technician: “that
reputation is unfounded. People simply expect us to
be everywhere at the same time. They want us to re-
spond to every little thing that they could figure out
themselves. ”
Abrihet <Addis Ababa> points out that it comes with
the territory: “don’t expect someone to be nice all the
time when everyone is bugging her for money, some
of it based on very flimsy excuses. You don’t get a mo-
ments peace. The finance office should be restricted
like the IT room.” Iracema <Sao Luis> backs that up:
“if IT can have a restricted room that even the boss
doesn’t enter, why can’t we? We do get irascible when
you are counting huge sums of money and not even a
fraction of it is yours. The most you get is good work.”
Erwin <Vienna> sniggers at the suggestion: “it’s the
finance role to count money and pay it out. Why the
hell would they want a restricted room? This is a
modern age of cheques and e-banking. If they don’t
how, we the IT people can show them how it’s done.”
Keba <Jinja > says the easiest way to deal with the
imperious IT people is to befriend them: “Why not
make friends with the IT guy instead? I’m telling u,
people who have done that here know it pays!!! :)
Peace!” And indeed, if you can’t beat them, then join
them. The IT and finance departmenzzts are the key
support departments in an organization, you can’t
do without them. So try to live with them, even if it
means swallowing your pride!!

Oscar < Boston > defends his fellow accountants

“most times we are acting on directions from on-high.
It’s not our wish to offend people. They forget that we
are all affected by those same decisions. If you have
no salary, then neither do I!” Julius says “Whoever is
complaining should have a look at the company IT
policy first” Johnie loathes accountants: “What’s with
the asking for quotations and receipts for purchases
as low as 1$?”
 The Workplace
Walk Beside Me
A lot can be said about the need for man-
agers to walk beside their subordinates and not
impose such an aura of influence and domi-
nance on them until, it finally drains even the
little life left. And that’s half the problem – a lot
can be said, but not a lot done. Why this appar-
ent reluctance to act, when teamwork is one
of those issues that are rarely (if ever) argued
against?
Never been the kind to take up the podium, but
as this is not exactly a podium, I might just give
it a try. In any case why do those podiums have
to be so high? To indulge a little, I recall as a
young lad in patched grey shorts of Buhinga, it
was enough a problem to stand up and still be
seen - vertically challenged. But that was then.
You little boys (grown up now) watch out, I am
coming for you so that you can ask me properly
to ‘stand up again’, and you teachers owe me an
explanation as to why I could not seat with the
‘cool’ boys (aka ‘New Kids on the Block’) at the
back whom all the girls adored. And you girls,
hear it from me, I am not short, and that is pe-
riod. lol. Looks like I have enough scores to settle
in my past. But that is what it is – the past.
Today, I would like to issue a yellow card to our
HR friends – especially the kind that keep us-
ing the word ‘under’. For how long will we have
to remind you that we are not under anybody?
Fine, we report to X,Y,Z but we are not under any
one. We respect our superiors, even bordering
love (really), but you take that word ‘under’ and
return it to your rack of letters because in this
game of scrabble we do not use that word. It is
not just the word, if it was, I would have just left
my pen here and gone to collect sea shells.
It’s the whole mentality of superiority and dom-
inance that leaves a sour taste. We have our ca-
reer goals all drawn out, we know the paths we are
taking, we love people, customers even more, we enjoy
working with colleagues, we consult, and we are an-
swerable and accountable to our superiors. My ques-
tion then is, who drafted those little tree-like charts
where the MD is right at the top, and then there are
managers, then the abc’s? This whole idea of domi-
nance does not help the customer, employee, or proc-
esses. That little chart over there is a sweet reminder
of powers-that-be that they have actually ‘made’ it, as
they are nicely seated on some good location in this
‘tree’ that companies are so obsessed with. Then the
abc’s have to be reminded with each subsequent ap-
praisal on how to aim up there. Find a location on the
tree and aim at it.
It’s some kind of Hypnosis. So where are the people
up there supposed to go – apparently the ‘system will
absorb them’ So the hypnotic pendulum is swinging
as we gaze without a blink at the happenings and non
happenings, hoping to jump to the nearest branch,
drink up to the promotion, and start gazing all over
again. Assuming you reach the tree top, then chaos
looms, not only are you busy cutting off the nearest
branches and shaking the tree so no one Is poised to
jump, you are also watching the birds outside to make
sure they do not nest in your tree, the owners of the
tree are an ever increasing threat. They might sell off
the tree and with it your fate or they might decide
you’ve been up there long enough and it’s time you
found another tree on which to nest loses.
It’s madness out there, albeit uncalled for. But it is the
mental picture elaborately crafted world over. It’s no
use fighting the system, we are all too engrossed, and
there is no turning back. Yes, there is such a thing as
a point of no return.
It’s just that from time to time our HR friends need
to know that we actually know the hypnosis they
are playing on us. We do not like it but we shall play
this ‘tree game’, for as long us the fruits can enable
us count sea shells on the coast with whomsoever
chance and time bestow.
Thumbs up to the few managers that are really groom-
ing individuals, and are empowering them to prosper
in their trade. These Lady’s and Gentlemen restore
 The Workplace

Fired!
the least pay and whose minimum qualification
requirement is a 6 month certificate in “anything
relevant”. Wonder what that is. Anyway, given the
government’s reputation, you would be lucky to get
the job without bribing for it, and even luckier if
getting back from you are paid your April’s wages before Christmas.

the sack
Ever been fired! Well, I haven’t had the misfortune
but if I did, I would probably sue my boss. Anyhow,
after several (read three) years of having a nice
time at your workplace, the recession finally hits
your company and the most inefficient employees
are terminated. Only problem is, you are the only
one that is fired! Maybe you should not have been
a smartass towards your boss’ secretary. Anyhow,
here you are jobless, rent due, salary loan in ar-
rears and the next best job available is paying you
half what you earned. You are in need of a seri-
ous job connector, but to whom do you turn cause
the only money you have will last you at best two
weeks.
As such you dump all those options and turn to do-
ing small odd jobs while looking for the permanent
thing. Since you have a little experience in what-
ever odd stuff you were lucky to get employed to do
for three years, you have a little experience to aid
a few naïve people with more money than brains
to seek better consultants to help them with their
businesses. Together with a few people you studied
with, you set up a quack Consulting Firm, that is
mainly beefed up your friend’s resumes more than
your own as they are certified professionals unlike
yourself. And with that you do all the donkey work
since it is you without the 8-5 job and as such with
the time to run around looking for new clients and
coming up with the crazy ideas to aid your current
clientele.

There are several web based organizations that
have made it a point to post the latest jobs and
vacancies available to those looking for employ-
ment. Unfortunately, they do not promise a swift
response and if you are lucky you will get a call
from them in 6 months, long after you have been
jailed for failing to settle your loans and dues.
You may also look into the newspaper dailies which
usually also boast of having several thousand jobs.
Upon looking at two dailies, you discover half the
jobs being advertised are government jobs with
With the little revenue you get from your “consult-
ing” you are able to finish your professional qualifi-
cation studies and before you know it [probably 18
or so months] you are a certified professional who
owns his own firm and earning his own paper, and
lots of it. And all you had to do was to talk ill to
that loud mouthed secretary for you to get out of
the Rat-Race and join the Money Autobahn!
Rafayili

Walk Beside Me
some sanity to employment and as hard to come buy as they are, props that there is even one.

So now is very much not the time for HRs to sit back with staff personnel on this tree and think things are OK. Not at
all, there is need to breed a healthy respect for individuals to thrive and as they thrive so does the Company grow. Not
to chop off their wings, cram them under a boss in a thick canopy, and watch from afar. Even the bosses need to be held
accountable, they need to be pruned as well, not for them to sit back and watch how well they are faring on the tree,
when the base, which is supporting the customer, is gasping for air.

I believe Companies ought to take a good, hard look at how they manage People (not Human resources). We actually
need to graduate from Human resource management mentality to People Management, and you do not need to look far
to see the difference. One system is really human, while the other is stuck on the dear old shelves, in HR manuals that
still carry tree drawings, practice psychology, and still refer to some as under others.

There you have it. Society has a strong inertia to the past. A few companies are slowly but steadily tearing down age old
organizational structures and rearranging the organization around the customer. And there are many others ventur-
ing into the obscure to yield value for the customer, and not just feed into the egos of the elitists who adore the tags.
Their Business cards do not carry titles, and neither do the email signatures, but I bet you, they have plenty of duties to
execute without their egos being deflated.

And one thing for sure: responses like ‘that’s the way we’ve always worked’ will not count as much of a defense.

Ronald Rwakigumba
 Business

The Open Business

The Business Model Canvas Designed for:

Key Partners Key Activities Value Proposi

Who are our Key Partners? What Key Activities do our Value Propositions require? What value do we deliver to the custom
Who are our key suppliers? Our Distribution Channels? Which one of our customer’s problems
Which Key Resources are we acquiring from partners? Customer Relationships? What bundles of products and services
Which Key Activities do partners perform? Revenue streams? Which customer needs are we satisfyin
motivations for partnerships: categories characteristics
Optimization and economy Production Newness
Reduction of risk and uncertainty Problem Solving Performance
Acquisition of particular resources and activities Platform/Network Customization
“Getting the Job Done”
Design

Abid and I have been business that I engage in should

Brand/Status
Price
Cost Reduction

serve first and foremost, my purposes,

Risk Reduction
Accessibility
Convenience/Usability

having conversations about the WZ. should not put me in a situation where
We organised a shareholders meeting I have to compromise any values that I
and unfortunately, only Abid showed believe to be essential to my definition
up. The idea for this here zine is to of self and that just as it takes care of
evolve into a profitable business and I me, I should be willing to dedicate my
hear such is its appeal that WZ shares time to it and even find pleasure in do-
are in high demand. (oba on which ing so. Essentially, I am always looking
stock market?)

I have attempted to start/run a busi-

ness before. Some years ago I left uni- Key Resources
versity with a dream of having a suc-
What Key Resources do our Value Propositions require?
cessful business by the time I turned Our Distribution Channels? Customer Relationships?
thirty; there is still time, hopefully. Revenue Streams?
Along the way, I have made several
types of resources
Physical
Intellectual (brand patents, copyrights, data)
Human
mistakes and learnt many useful and Financial

useless things. Several times I consid- for new ways to work.

ered joining the corporate world and The WZ is not my idea, I found Abid
enjoying the perks; a monthly salary dilligently at it, delivering it every
and some menial task to make work three weeks as promised and then I
utterly meaningless. I have so far re- upset the rythm, tinkered with the de-
sisted the temptation and I don’t see sign and basically played around with
myself defecting any time soon. the idea. I am done playing, I have
seen the potential and I like what I see.
Having made a few mistakes in the However I am currently struck by the
past, I have come to believe that any idea of long term planning and vision.

Cost Structure I want to know what the big plan is, whether it
fits me and my purposes. Which brings us to
What are the most important costs inherent in our business model? the business plan, the most essential bit when
Which Key Resources are most expensive?
Which Key Activities are most expensive? you’re starting a business.
is your business more:
Cost Driven (leanest cost structure, low price value proposition, maximum automation, extensive outsourcing)
Value Driven ( focused on value creation, premium value proposition)

sample characteristics:
Fixed Costs (salaries, rents, utilities)
Many people are prone to the mistake of think-
Variable costs
Economies of scale
Economies of scope
ing that some generic plan out there will fit your
business idea and if you’re going into some-
thing as basic as hunting, then you’re probably
right. Most business ideas however need a plan
that comes from those that dreamt it up in the
first place. Of course, there are many lessons to

www.businessmodelgeneration.com
 The Open Business
Day Month Year
On:
Designed by:
No.
Iteration:

itions Customer Relationships Customer Segments

mer? What type of relationship does each of our Customer For whom are we creating value?
are we helping to solve? Segments expect us to establish and maintain with them? Who are our most important customers?
are we offering to each Customer Segment? Which ones have we established? Mass Market
ng? How are they integrated with the rest of our business model? Niche Market
Segmented
How costly are they? Diversified
Multi-sided Platform
examples
Personal assistance
Dedicated Personal Assistance
Self-Service
Automated Services harness the business benefits away at
Communities
Co-creation
the cost of other stakeholders and `the
be learned from those that have tried market´. Open Business structures seek
similar things and it is only prudent to rectify this. They activate personal pro-
to do so. When it comes down to it ductivity like no other organization can
though, if its your idea, you’ve got to by simply redirecting the returns to those
fuel it. that produced them, and by their nature,
I have been reading up on business the individuals themselves play a central
models and the idea of an open busi- role.”
ness makes sense to me.
I like this idea and I want to build
something (hopefully the WZ) like
Channels that. I have seen it in play and any-
one who is familiar with open source
Through which Channels do our Customer Segments software will know what I’m talking
want to be reached?
How are we reaching them now?
about. The WorldWideWeb is one of
How are our Channels integrated? the most open technologies invented
Which ones work best?
Which ones are most cost-efficient? by man and whoever profits from it
How are we integrating them with customer routines? should thank Sir Tim Berners Lee for
channel phases:
1. Awareness
How do we raise awareness about our company’s products and services? his selflessness.
2. Evaluation
How do we help customers evaluate our organization’s Value Proposition?
3. Purchase

If you’re inclined to listening to the

How do we allow customers to purchase specific products and services?
4. Delivery
How do we deliver a Value Proposition to customers?
5. After sales
How do we provide post-purchase customer support? chatter of the chatter of the wide world,
you’ll no doubt know that there are big
“Open business is in general the concept questions out there about the way we
of doing business in a transparent way work. The theory of “The Firm” is be-
by intimately integrating an ecosystem ing refined and new/different business
of stake holders and abiding by a model models are in high demand.
of transparency. Often, small minorities

There is little doubt that future generations will work

Revenue Streams differently, more efficiently and in a much smarter way.
For what value are our customers really willing to pay? It is up to us to come up with the ideas.
For what do they currently pay?
How are they currently paying?
How would they prefer to pay?
How much does each Revenue Stream contribute to overall revenues? @rhinorck
types: fixed pricing dynamic pricing
Asset sale List Price Negotiation( bargaining)
Usage fee Product feature dependent Yield Management

Further Reading:
Subscription Fees Customer segment dependent Real-time-Market
Lending/Renting/Leasing Volume dependent
Licensing
Brokerage fees
Advertising

Open Business
Business Model Alchemist
100Open

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.
To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
or send a letter to Creative Commons, 171 Second Street, Suite 300, San Francisco, California, 94105, USA.
 Business

Daring to Dare
Its 1.25pm on a warm Saturday afternoon. Our
chat is scheduled for 2.00pm. When he finds out I
am at the venue, he gets there by 1.35pm.
Mark Andrew Karamira Karyegesa is just 23 years of
age. He is co-owner and co-founder of two companies.
Dial-A-Service Uganda and Maika. He is the chief execu-
tive at Dial–A–Service and general manager at Maika .

Dial –A- Service (DAS) is the country’s only on call di-

rectoey where one can call to find out the exact location
and availability of a company or service. Dial- A –Service is also the country’s only for-hire call center.
Maika is a student exchange service that helps prospective students get admission into Malaysia Univer-
sities comfortably. Karamira has always been self-driven. When he was about to start his o’level education,
Karamira told a cousin that he will one day be the owner of a big corporation. And he is living up to that
dream. Straight from his university studies, he wasted no time starting his two companies.

“How does it feel to be your own boss?” He laughs. “People say I am lucky but it’s not luck. I work hard and
long hours. It’s more of a responsibility than anything else. To your employees, to your customers, to those
who support you and above all to yourself. It does feel good to be your own boss but the advantages of those
will come later. I want to leave my own legacy. Of course I want to also live in the comfort I dream of . I want
to make a difference in whatever way I can.”

Running two start-up businesses is not as rosy it may seem. There have been days when he has felt like
giving up. “There was a point when I felt like shutting down DAS. Things were not moving but thankfully I
hang in there and right now we are doing the help-line for Uganda Lotto. ” Numerous challenges have lined
the path, most surprising of which has been his age. “People lose interest in what I am saying sometimes
when they get to know my age. That’s stupid!! Let them listen to me and judge what I am saying for its merit
not my age. ” He has to overcome different obstacles like cash flows, unfriendly work hours, quality employ-
ees. Yet through it all, there is rock solid support.

He thanks his parents for the unwavering support and his peers for setting both bad and good examples.
“There are some people I look at and I pray that I don’t become like them. Others I see and I strive to du-
plicate.” What maxim do you live by? Karamira answers with this interesting experience: “My grandfather
taught me that life is one big school and every experience whether good or bad is a new lesson.”

Abid Were
ugrugbyfanzone www.ugrugbyfanzone.com

Latest Rugby News Supporters Travel Plans

Fixtures and Results Beach Rugby

Expert Match Analysis All Things Rugby

Merchandise
 Blogs
And what of Now?
It was dark when I pulled up in front
of the house around quarter-till-ten tonight after
work. I glanced towards the house—Mom’s light on
in her room downstairs (she must be reading be-
fore bed), the main level halls lights turned dim for
me, and a flicker from the TV in Pop’s room upstairs
(which he keeps on constantly now)—and I just
broke down crying.
My life is not bad or disagreeable. I am still a very
lucky woman. But the truth is that where I am right
now is SO FAR from anywhere I had ever planned
or hoped to be. And I couldn’t stop crying. I turned
off the car and switched the music up a bit so I
wouldn’t have to hear my sobs.
Now I wonder, is it wiser to embrace exactly where
you are–exactly where life, chance, your mistakes
have placed you–or should you hold on tight to that
vision of who and where you want to be and hope
that pulls you through less worse for the wear?
Right now I’m holding on for dear life, afraid that if
I let go, these visions may float past me and never
again be retrievable. But this is a silly thing to do.
Regardless of the gravity of a situation, you cannot
pass through time and come out unchanged. Life
has no regards for your plans and sets you along
its own determined path; the tighter you hang on
to where you were, the more mangled you become
and any beauty in the breakdown is lost.
I’m bitter too. I hate it, because the person I want to
be doesn’t get bitter. But I do. I don’t want to stoop
to accept this lousy hand I’ve been given! I feel like
I’m being force-fed a great big slide of humble pie.
I’ve been walking around with visions of a worldly
life inevitable in my future. But instead I am pen-
ny-less, living with my parents, and working at an-
other food and beverage job. With no plans in place
to change this any time soon, I feel as if the indica-
tor for my success in life has digressed to how well I
can clean the tops of ketchup bottles. Please tell me
that someday–soon–the fruits of my days will amount
to more than this! I know it is only temporary, but
how long is temporary anyway?
There is a voice in my head that tries to compel me
to be a more saintly version of myself. I have gone
through phases in my life where I’ve been more re-
ceptive to what it’s saying, but other times I want
none of it. Like now; I wonder why it can’t leave me
alone and let me be miserable if I want to be. Some-
times the way things are really does suck! But the
voice is too reasoned for such frivolity. Who are you to
act like you are so above waiting tables? It isn’t what
you had planned, but you are where you are, and you
are grateful for what you have. Therefore there is no
reason to feel self pity. Wipe away those phony tears
and be who you have the potential to be, or get out of
here and come back when you decide you’re serious
about living.
Does everyone have such a ruthless little voice? It can
be so brutally honest and so doggedly persistent that
it leaves me feeling like a worm. Small, pathetic and
exposed.
I know the self pity is uncalled for. Out of everyone in
our household right now, my troubles are fairly be-
nign. I am the least crippled. I feel guilty taking up
anyone’s emotional reserves with my pettiness. My
guilt is redoubled by the fact that I am failing miser-
ably at what I came here to do. I was supposed to be
a bright spot—a happy, gracious and helpful presence
for my family. That was my plan. But I’m failing at it.
I can’t keep my own shit together enough to feel like
I’m doing anyone here any good.
The little voice points out my passive negligence. In
NOT choosing to collect your “shit”, you are effec-
tively, INTENTIONALLY, failing. This is a choice. It is
always a choice. I am not as strong as I hoped I was.
And that really does make me sad.
So, I sat in the car, intending to sob into the yellow,
Wendy’s napkins leftover from the car trip home until
I either tired of feeling sorry for myself or I ran out
of napkins. I cried and continued crying, until I was
crying for me, but also for my dad, whose ailments
rather ruthlessly strip him of his self-image on an al-
most daily basis. For my brother, who seems about as
lost as I am right now. For my mom, who carries the
weight of all of our individual worlds on her shoulders
and tries not to buckle under it all. I feel like some-
times the sorrow just has to be acknowledged.
When will you grow up??
Glenn Love <read more from her blog at http://glennlau-
renlove.wordpress.com/ >

The case of the insolent thief
and the interesting IT guy
1. The IT guy
So we have this dude who runs our one man IT
department at work. Most of the time he is a ma-
jor pain in the ass, but we put up with his shit be-
cause…umm I actually do not know why we put up
with his shit. So a few weeks ago, my bosses decide
they want our office domain name to be changed to
something funkier [read:more client friendly]. The
thing is they neglected to tell the IT guy, but I was
in the know since I am supposed to be organizing
the whole thing, and I never bothered to tell him
either. My bad.
So today, he receives an email asking him to verify
user IDs I think (I wish it had been sent to me), and
also notifying him of the domain name change. He
huffs and puffs and then goes on to tell our boss-
es how a domain name change is a very very very
complicated procedure that will “entail interfering
with our servers” blah blah blah. All this sounded
weird to me. I remember being told that the whole
process isn’t so complicated, so I sought clarifica-
tion from the service provider, who explained the
not so complicated procedure to me. In the mean-
time IT guy had gone to all the bosses complaining
about the domain change, its “complicated-ness”
and the lawyer who-doesn’t-know-what-she-is-
doing interfering in his business! Whoever he went
to politely informed him that a decision had been
made and apologized for not keeping him in the
know.
Poor guy. But seriously servers and shit? Surely he
could have come up with something better than
that. I shook my head in wonder, in wonderment?
Yeah, that one.
2. The Insolent Thief
Oh my goodness, the thief!!!!!!!
One of the clients has been having an issue with
this jamaa who had a serious operation stealing
very expensive company property and then sell-
ing it on the low-low. When the client found about
the whole operation, the dudewas suspended, and
told to appear for a disciplinary hearing to answer
the charges against him. Jamaa decides to bring a
lawyer to the hearing, you know how we employees
are empowered these days! The lawyer obviously
disrupted the proceedings, which ended up in lots
of insults being hurled either way and the jamaa
in prison. I wish I had been at the hearing…I am
so sure nothing would have escalated to the level
it did.
After two days in prison, I think the dude got scared
Blogs
and decided that he finally wanted to talk to us and
bargain for his release. We agreed to talk to him,
thinking we would get a way of getting him to com-
pensate the company for the losses he caused. So
I headed to Jinja Road Police Station (yesterday) to
talk to this ninja. I tell you it was like talking to a
stone! Eventually I was so incensed at the thief’s
attitude, who for some reason decided he was in a
bargaining position despite the overwhelming evi-
dence against him! I asked the OC to take the dude
to court so we he could be charged with theft to end
the whole charade. The thief obviously gets fright-
ened out of his wits and agreed to compensate the
company, and was released on police bond. We de-
cided to give him a day to sort out himself, and tell
us how he plans on compensating the company,
and agreed to meet at 3.30 today to sign some sort
of agreement to that effect.
To my dismay, the thief was hell bent on playing
games with us! He refused to hand over his car
which would clear his debt to the company, since
it is worth more than the value of the claim against
him. He started talking about some sister in the US
who would send him the money to clear his debt. I
was annoyed. I could not believe that this guy had
been given an opportunity to pay back the company
in return for all charges being dropped against him,
and that he was not taking it. When I realized the
thief was playing games, I left. Man, I was angry!
A thief holding a whole company at ransom? Seri-
ously?? I think he forgot that his bond expires to-
morrow, and that when he shows up at Jinja Road
Police Station, he is going back to prison, and his
time not to a holding cell at Jinja Road, but to Luzira
on remand.
I have scratched my head and failed to under-
stand how someone cannot give up his car, a car
for goodness’ sake, a worldly possession that can be
replaced anytime, to secure his freedom and hon-
ourable send off [read: allowed to resign with no
embarassing ads in the papers] from a really repu-
table organization. Does he know that he will now
not get his terminal benefits or any sort of benefits?
Ahhhhhh I tell you. I shook my head.
I am still shaking my head.Ahaaa. Man.
Bee < www.beestylez.wordpress.com>
Blogs

Game Theory: Debug Mode

The Tech floor is a frenzy of disheveled forms pacing about with heads buried
deep in thought. They think not of world peace or grand scientific mysteries but of the
same thing that every trouser on every floor of Head Quarters is thinking about. And
that’s why despite this commotion, there’s an almost eerie silence about because it is one
of those moments when suddenly every mind thinks the same thing. This moment was
always bound to happen because the male mind will think about it several hundred times
a day even without knowing. Therefore this moment was always inevitable, an accident
waiting to happen and in a world without women there would be no contingency. But the
breasted species that are woman folk, those soft and cuddly humans that quietly slave in
background of male hegemony suddenly spring to the foreground because they are the
only ones awake, the only ones still functional because they do not share our weakness.
They weren’t constructed with this vulnerability, this design error that sits patiently in
the finer detail of the male circuit waiting for a moment like this.

A moment when external forces are spoofing the corporate LAN, a moment when our cli-
ent data is one click away from corruption, a moment when number one is about to make
a fatal error of judgment and enter a shoddy merger, a moment when I am about to hook
up my system to a wrong adapter plug, a moment when the marketing guy is about to
shift the decimal point by one position to the left and before you know it the fundamen-
tal weakness of our little perfect world is exposed. Which is its single point of failure, the
fact that its stability is dependent on the faultless functioning of its male architects even
through the inevitable mental blackout. It’s the moment we start a world war, the mo-
ment we kill Jesus, the moment we invade Troy, the moment we celebrate Amin’s ascent
to power, the moment we buy into Socialism, the moment we bomb Hiroshima and Na-
gasaki and before we know it five million Jews are dead and a million Tutsi have perished.
Our political activism, our renaissance and newly found faith is simply a symptom of the
anomaly of our construction. It is simply the moment when a random error occurs simul-
taneously within us due to the common internal design flaw that is our hunger for more.

And because men rule the world the contingency that is women folk can sometimes be
overridden because in their perfect functioning they sometimes simultaneously desert
man folk and when that occurs history is made for better or for worse. Its because for
several cycles a minute the male creature is preoccupied with taking and we are in a con-
stant fantasy of acquiring more and as long as we aren’t held back by the possibility of ro-
mance we are raging bulls on the brink of anarchy. So, thank God for Sir Tim Berners Lee,
for Bill gates, for Steve Jobs for Larry Ellison and all the eccentric nerds at Silicon valley
and Bangalore who make the internet possible because at exactly five minutes to midday
Head Quarters momentarily stopped as the fundamental anomaly paralyzed the male
brain wave and every man thought of more and the contingency was overridden because
the women were congregating in bathrooms too far away to mitigate the malfunction.
However, thanks to internet streaming when we thought of more we thought of a bikini
clad Beyonce Knowles and not revolution, we thought of Halle Berry in monster’s ball and
not a hydrogen bomb, we thought of semi nude pics of Megan Fox and not a Biological
weapon. Because of the incredible invention of the computer network we no longer need
women in the flesh because they inhabit our minds in glorious continuum of Gucci bath-
ing suits. Therefore no war was begun, no revolution ensued and no bomb was detonated
but rather a breathless turmoil of mpeg downloads and flash video clips.

Mark Abraham <the writer is an IT download manager of specific items. Do you want his
number?>
 Blogs

Tips and Tricks for the Ignorant

You would think that most guys know these things but apparently I am wrong. And so,
in an effort to save you and your victims I present a few tips.

If you are a guy, you like this girl and you’re in a bar cradling a beer when said girl walks
in,

1. Don’t steal a kiss when she offers a hug. Even if it’s from her cheeks. It is just
weird.

If 3 hours later, she walks into the same bar where you happen to be, again, and your
blood alcohol level has increased in direct proportion to the amount of time passed,

2. Do not run and hug her. You smell bad, ok? The cologne is finished. OVER. Now it
is just sweat and smoke from your cigarettes. Horses smell better.

3. If you ask her to dance and she says no, leave her alone. Do not, I repeat DO NOT,
grab her hand and begin pulling her or grab her shoulders and begin shaking her shoul-
ders in dancing movements. It is not funny. It is only annoying. You are pissing her off.

4. Do not declare your undying affection for her while squeezing her scalp in one
huge palm after you shoved her head into your armpit in misdirected move to
your mouth so she could hear you better when you are shouting.
5. Do not hit on her cousin.
6. Do not hit on her other cousin.
7. Do not follow her around the club.
8. Do not attempt deep conversation on why she does not like you back in the
club.
9. When you finally piss her off and she snaps at you, do not attempt to kiss her.
10. When she sees you and runs for the bathroom do not wait outside the bath
room door until she comes out.
11. Do not tell her what she thinks and then get pissed off when she disagrees
with you.
12. When you hug her and you catch her holding a make believe gun to her head
to her laughing friend behind you in the mirror on the wall, take a hint
13. If every time you want to have a conversation with her, she happens to be in
the middle of her beefiest male friends or crazy violent girl friends, take a hint

Basically if you like a girl and you are drunk, you’re ruining your chances by attempting
to talk to her so just stay away. Smile and retreat. Unless she likes you back, then obvi-
ously none of this applies.

Yvonne K. Zabu
The Idler’s Corner
Apparently I have a signature style!!
Cool!! I always start with “I don’t know what to
write…” someone was complaining about that, mbu,
but seriously, have you actually read the hmm, er,
“articles” I think is the right word, barely. How many
times have you actually managed to make some-
thing out of them?
Apparently every great writer has something to com-
municate, wonder what my message would be…
Ever thought of competing in one of these reality
show thingies where they judge you not according to
your skill but… nah, boring.
So here I am, just sitting at my pc and typing, and of
course hoping fervently that what I do write actually
does make some sense, well, not really, but at least
pretending to…. Otherwise I’d just be writing “ram-
alama bang bang…” (good song by the way… I mean,
really, I have good taste, sue me), for some reason it
won’t leave my head especially that beat, you know,
the ding-ding ding-ding, ding-ding ding-ding… ok,
clearly music was not meant to be communicated on
paper, I’ll think of something, use canvas instead, or
parchment or even better, maybe get our dear editor
to attach the song to the WZ when he’s mailing it,
oh, wait, that would be piracy of some sort, huh?
How about, ok, yeah, I could just write out the lyr-
ics, not that that would make much sense without
the beat… anyone out there know sheet music? You
could show me how to write it… and then of course
teach all the worthy readers how to read it, come to
think of it, might just be easier to deal with the law-
suit that comes with the piracy…
Mish mash, you know some people who won’t take
no for an answer? Ok, this is where I would usu-
ally tell some kind of funny or sad story about some
poor sop that would make you giggle or jeer, but, eh,
Nothing comes to mind, seriously, nothing, nothing
nothing.
You know that everytime I’m writing a flash of the
last thingy thing I wrote comes to mind? I mean,
right now it was with the nothing, nothing nothing…
Abid would probably tell you where that came from,
if he wished.
By the way, if you are laughing for some reason
right now, it is not because of this article, it’s be-
cause when you got here, you expected to laugh,
and hey presto!!(jeers anyone?) Ah, the beauty of
the human brain, mind, whatever controls that,
could be the adrenals for all I care, I mean, that
would certainly explain why some people’s mouths
are constantly running… unfortunately not away.
Yikes, but six hundred is a tough limit, um, uh,
aha!! He he, that made sense!! I did say I was just
typing, did I not? I’m not in the mood to complain
today, that sucks, I mean, I want to complain,
but I can’t. (on a side note, well, not really a side
note, more of an aside, or whatever they call these
things…. (you know, the problem of writing like I
do is that you’re constantly, well, I’m constantly
losing track of what I want to say, memory of a
goldfish our dear Editor would call it, but then
again someone already made off with that yellow
(I mean yellow, not gold (yay, six nested brackets,
way cool, this is starting to look like code, I only
need to add in parentheses and stuff like that
(um, what exactly are parentheses?(oh, six now,
nested brackets I mean, and of course I’ve com-
pletely forgotten that point I was trying to avoid
making(JACKPOT ))))) cup, yellow cup, that’s what I
was talking about, not a trophy, a yellow cup) I re-
ally don’t remember the point I was trying to make
here, but seven nested brackets, again, yay!! So
what if I don’t remember what each bracket is for?
I have made six hundred after all)
If you really are asking “six hundred what?” by the
way, you really need to read a bit more, my stuff
especially, the bad part is, it almost never makes
sense, the good part is, it never makes sense, yep
that was me advertising myself, wonder why I’m
doing that… hmmm
And for my one, my only, my beautiful proud hunt-
ress, come closer, let me whisper it…
Brian B Coutinho
A’LEVEL RESULTS family will at least have two ‘people persons’. So
when I am woken up with a phone call that the last
Even after four years, I’m still affected.
born has excelled and even made it into the news-
In my family, we are all assumed to be bright.
papers, you cannot begin to imagine the trauma. The
But we know better. Some of us are the ‘bright’
loss of hope, the re-beginning of self pity, the..the..
of having the potential to open up your own
the.. please allow me go dry my eyes while I try to
company in your field of study, and the rest, it’s
digest the issue at hand!
for doing what you love and what you consider
to be your calling, being a people person, and
Sara AKelly <the writer is still suffering from night-
hoping that gets you to the top.
mares of her A’Level results>

Now one may ask; how is this determined?

Ans: A’Level exams. You can fail O’Level and

blame it on the teachers who taught in an ex-
cuse of English, but when it comes to A’Level,
you have to deliver.
How do you determine delivery?
There is only one clear answer. You get govern-
ment sponsorship. This can be done in many
ways.
i) You get maximum points and appear in
newspapers
ii) You do science related courses; the country
fails, so with your ‘average’ results, you still get
government sponsorship
iii) You bribe an LC in a remote district some-
where so you get into the quota system, thus
government sponsorship
If you don’t deliver, you can at least half deliver.
Get a good professional course on self sponsor-
ship that will automatically determine a bright
future in the payee’s eyes.
All this is supposed to be easy, unless of course
you are the exception.

You fail O’Level, pass A’Level in relation to some

of your family members but fail to get govern-
ment sponsorship for a professional course be-
cause of poor application, fail to get in through
quota system due to utter refusal to bribe, miss
the other professional course on private by 0.1,
miss the same course at another university
because they are not admitting foreigners that
year, despite the fact that you aced their tests,
and thus you settle for a course that only the
people studying it understand the importance.

When this happens, there is only one thing to

look forward to...... A’Level results. Not yours,
but those of the one that comes after you. You
spend sleepless nights not praying for failure,
but rather for consolation. You pray that the
 Leisure

The Cuddlers
You’re standing there; that song comes on, the beat slowly takes you over, you start tapping your
feet. You tap your feet some more; then you hear your favourite part, your body moves to the rhythm,
your hands form a guitar and start strumming it. Your hands form drumsticks and start hitting;
your hands form the saxophone and start gearing it, your hand forms a microphone and you mime
all the high notes and incredulous growls.
Slowly you build up to the all conquering
song finale, the crowd goes wild, you take
a bow and the crowd shouts even more.
You are the star. You are THE CUDDLERS,
air banders!!!.

The Cuddlers is a group of ten profes-

sionals who have taken to the front of the
new wave of air banding. Air banding is
a form of dance and movement in which
the performer pretends to play different
instruments including vocals. It could be
described as a more complex and coordi-
nated form of miming. The beauty about air banding is that you don’t actually have to know how
to play an instrument; you just have to be good at pretending to play it. In fact only one member of
the Cuddlers knows how to play an instrument. The Cuddlers was formed in august 2009 by a group
of creative imaginative wild young professionals who feel there is more to leisure than just bars
and parties. The group is made up of nine guys and one lovely lady. It is a diverse mix of a graphic
designer, an IT security officer, a programmer, a call center manager, a lecturer, and IT consultants.
The group originally started out as just that, a group of friends who just wanted to print t-shirts with
their names and the group name. Within a few hours however, due to the incessant rock music play-
ing in the background at that time, and with everyone miming along or playing an air instrument,
two of the group members decided to turn it into an air band.

The Cuddlers prefer to look at this as a hobby rather than a career and even though they meet regu-
larly to play some songs, they have actually never played any venue…not that it bothers them. They
believe with time the air banding theme that they have pioneered will catch up in Kampala.

Their name is in tribute to every ones instinct to embrace something true in this case, music that
moves the soul. the band includes members who play different instruments like drums, guitars,
piano, trumpet as well as lead and back up vocals.

Members are Muhinda Aaron(co-founder)- lead vocals, Wasukira Gibson-writer/vocals, Mukwaya

Brian-Piano, Lwanga James-trumpet ,Komukama Darlyne-tambourine/vocals/costume designer
,Sekikubo Michael-bass guitar/vocals ,Okura Joe-rhythm guitar/vocals, Bwire emma-acoustic guitar
,Kinene Jason(co-founder)-drums
Ssemakula Brian and Abigaba Godfrey-sometime managers :-)

WorkZine Top Ten
Famous examples of
plagiarism
1. Martin Luther King plagiarized approxi-
mately one third of his doctoral thesis. He also ap-
propriated others’ text, without credit, for his fa-
mous speeches, including “I Have A Dream”.
2. George Harrison was successfully sued for
plagiarizing (though perhaps unconsciously) the
Chiffons’ “He’s So Fine” for the melody of his own
“My Sweet Lord”.
3. Senator Joseph Biden was forced to withdraw
from the 1988 Democratic Presidential nominations
when it was revealed that he had failed a course in
law school due to plagiarism. It was also shown that
he had copied several campaign speeches, notably
those of British Labour leader Neil Kinnock and Sen-
ator Robert F. Kennedy.
4. Alex Haley was permitted to settle out-of-
court for $650,000, having admitted that he copied
large passages of his novel from The African by Ha-
rold Courlander.
5. In 2003, the United Kingdom Government
was accused of copying some text from the work of
a CSU Monterey Bay post-graduate student for its
security dossier on Iraq, dubbed by the media the
‘dodgy dossier’.
6. Science fiction author Harlan Ellison sued
and won in a case against James Cameron, claim-
ing that his film The Terminator plagiarized his epi-
sodes “Soldier” and “Demon With a Glass Hand” of
the show “The Outer Limits” Doris Kearns Goodwin
(2002 scandal)
7. Micheal Bolton was accused by the Isley
Brothers of plagiarizing their song “Love is won-
derful thing” Isley brothers won and were awarded
$5.4M
8. William Shakespeare is thought to have lib-
erally sprinkled his work with ideas snagged from
fellow playwrights. As one critic put it, however, “If
this is plagiarism, perhaps we need more of it.”
9. Cold Play : The British band Coldplay whose
songs topped the UK charts in 2000 has admitted
to charges of plagiarism in their “X & Y” album. It
seems that there have been no repercussions other
Leisure
than the band acknowledging that they probably
should have referenced their sources of inspiration
in the form of a discography.
10. Bruce Springsteen was accused of lifting the
tune and lyrics of a Sam Cooke song. The choruses
of the two songs are virtually identical:
Springsteen:
Meet me at Mary’s place
We’re gonna have a party . . .
Cooke:
Meet me at Mary’s place
We’re gonna have us a ball today . . .
Sourced from www.famousplagiarists.com,www.exam-
iner.com and www.spiritus-temporis.com
Playlist
1.Asheru (Intro)
2.Asheru - The Boondocks Theme
3.Black Lincolns (Asheru, Heron Gibron, Blackberry
Jones) - The Hustle (Produced by Blackberry Jones)
4.Talib Kweli - More Or Less (Produced by Hi-Tek)
5.Little Brother feat. Mos Def - Let It Go (Produced by
9th Wonder)
6.Skyzoo - The Bodega (Produced by 9th Wonder)
7.Gan...gstalicious Ressurection (Interlude)
8.Asheru Speaks (Produced by Tough Junkie)
9.Dead Prez feat. Common & Last Poets - Panthers
(Dub Floyd Screamixx Produced by J. Dilla R.I.P.)
10.Akir - Politricks
11.Asheru - Revolution
12.Common - Nag Champa (Produced by J. Dilla
R.I.P.) (Flashback)
13.Method Man feat. Lauren Hill & CL Smooth -
They Say (Dub Floyd Screamixx 14.The Roots feat.
Maimouna Yousef - It Don’t Feel Right
15.Doujah Raze feat. AG & Sean Price – Fahrenheit
Daniel Sozi
 Poetry
Dreams Within
I go to bed thinking about Him,
Spend the whole night with Him,
Always wake up in his world
But he is not here with me
All this pain I feel
Why is it so real
Why can he not be in my arms?
They say dreams come true
This one might never be
For lately it’s not a dream
It’s a Nightmare!
Priscilla Mbabazi
More Than One
Ask me for one reason for Love
And ten reasons you will Have
Tell me to pray to God Above
And he will be all that I Serve
Take me through One Session
And I will learn my Lesson
Henceforth it will be my Mission
And I will answer any Question
Give me one bowl of Soup
And just a meal’s Scoop
And I will be within the Loop
Making sauce to feed the Troop
Henceforth I reserve my Comment
For, even without my Comment,
Everything I say in a moment,
Earns me a lifetime of Torment
Bernard Ewalu Olupot
A family Portrait
I heard the boy playing daddy say
I’ll beat you,
Because am daddy.’
The girl playing mummy was kneeling before
the boy,
Her head slightly bowed as though coy
To subdue.
I heard the boy playing daddy say,
Also like my daddy,
I’ll divorce you.’
Kagayi Peter
THE AFRICAN WOMAN
She was black beauty;
Ebony was skin-deep;
Her hair was thick dark;
Her blood flowed vast.
When she walked, she sashayed;
When she talked her voice were bells;
But her place was in the kitchen;
Her hands were blistered and beaten;
Yet she carried her burden.
She is the strength there in;
She is the beauty unseen;
She is the power of life;
And the heart of the wise.
Auma Maria
 Events

TEENZ INVOLVED
FUNsBEE Charity Drive
Saturday 13th March,
2010 saw weeks of prepara-
tion finally pay off. The Grande
finale of the ‘Teenz Involved’
campaign, a drive that saw
teenagers in different sec-
ondary schools in and around
Kampala contribute items to-
wards the landslide victims of
Bududa, came to pass. The First
Uganda National Spelling Bee
(FUNsBEE) Company, the Pay It
Forward Foundation (PIFF) and The WorkZine together collected different
materials and these were handed over to the Uganda Red Cross Society.
The colorful handover ceremony was followed by a charity walk from KCC
grounds to Garden city where a mini-spelling bee competition and lots of
thrilling entertainment from Bonfire crew took place. During all the spills,
and thrills, blood donation went on at Nakumatt. The camera captured the
rest.

Birthdays
Anita Asiimwe, Biribwa D Arinaitwe, Paul Ninsiima, Irene Josephine, Mark
Mayanja ,Agaba Francis, Gideon Kyabakama, Mark P. Lewis, Stuart Gordon
Katungi, Batemyetto Evelyn, Habil Musa Ajobe, Kansiime Caroline, Natasha
Karugaba, Kusemererwa Peter, Muheki Onesmus, Norman Anguzu, Nsubu-
ga Mark, Martin Oluka, Singirankabo Nduwayo Claude, Suze Peru, Dianah-
Rose Nassozi, Edwin Olowo Essy Annony, John Baptist, Dogo Singh, Lydia
Nasira, Allan Atukunda, Alfred Cole McChora, Godfrey Ssajja Ssali, Murun-
gi N Ronald, Mabonga Herbert, Belinda Roanah K, Esta Wannyana, Nancy
Amito, Bob Reyman Kabango, Darlyne Komukama, John Mutama, Charity
Kamusiime, Kayondo Francis, Ivan Mugisha R, Erasmus Ellis Katwebaze,
Daisy Marione, Morris Abajai, Douglas Pascal S, Ssesanga Allan Simon, Edd
Whewell, Joseph Kazibwe, Herbert Byamukama, Katusiime Annet
 SuperPower

Nation
So, the BBC is carrying out an experiment as part of their special season of programmes
on how the internet is changing the world.

According to their website,

The internet brings millions of people together digitally every day, but one thing it
cannot do well - at least, not yet - is allow people who speak different languages to
understand each other easily.

BBC World Service wants to explore whether technology will be able to change this -
in a unique experiment using our language services and translation software - broad-
cast live online from 1300GMT on 18 March 2010.

SuperPower Nation on the Web

As a part of SuperPower Nation Day, we are running an experiment using automatic

machine translation technology to see how the internet can break down language
barriers.

It’s your turn to talk. And we have no agenda - any topics or issues will be debated
and discussed.

What is unique about this is that you can talk to speakers of completely different
languages in your own voice. Speakers of click Arabic, click Chinese, click English,
click Persian, click Indonesian, click Portuguese and click Spanish will be able to talk
to each other using Google’s machine translation.

Your call

SuperPower Nation will be broadcast from 1300GMT on the click live event page and
BBC World television. *

* BBC SuperPower Nation

<http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/programmes/2010/03/100223_superpowernation.
shtml>