I had an interesting online conversation with my old friend, Bill Manahan, a few weeks ago. For those of you in Siberia who may not have heard of him, Bill has been as instrumental as any human in the birth and nurturing of the integrative movement, in a founding father sort of way. The thing is, you will not see his name and picture touting a latest book or new line of supplements, (although “Bill’s Botanicals” has a nice ring to it), because Dr Manahan is perhaps the least ego-driven individual within our field. In fact, in my experience, he has never uttered a negative word about anyone, a nice counterpoint to this bimonthly column.
I had an interesting online conversation with my old friend, Bill Manahan, a few weeks ago. For those of you in Siberia who may not have heard of him, Bill has been as instrumental as any human in the birth and nurturing of the integrative movement, in a founding father sort of way. The thing is, you will not see his name and picture touting a latest book or new line of supplements, (although “Bill’s Botanicals” has a nice ring to it), because Dr Manahan is perhaps the least ego-driven individual within our field. In fact, in my experience, he has never uttered a negative word about anyone, a nice counterpoint to this bimonthly column.
I had an interesting online conversation with my old friend, Bill Manahan, a few weeks ago. For those of you in Siberia who may not have heard of him, Bill has been as instrumental as any human in the birth and nurturing of the integrative movement, in a founding father sort of way. The thing is, you will not see his name and picture touting a latest book or new line of supplements, (although “Bill’s Botanicals” has a nice ring to it), because Dr Manahan is perhaps the least ego-driven individual within our field. In fact, in my experience, he has never uttered a negative word about anyone, a nice counterpoint to this bimonthly column.
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BACKTALK
Confessions of a Narcissist Bill Benda, MD, Associate Editor
had an interesting online conversation with my old
friend, Bill Manahan, a few weeks ago. For those of you in Siberia who may not have heard of him, Bill has been as instrumental as any human in the birth and nurturing of the integrative movement, in a founding father sort of way. The thing is, you will not see his name and picture touting a latest book or new line of supplements, (although Bills Botanicals has a nice ring to it), because Dr Manahan is perhaps the least ego-driven individual within our field. In fact, in my experience, he has never uttered a negative word about anyone, a nice counterpoint to this bimonthly column. Anyway, during our talk, he asked a question that has been sticking in my mind ever since: Are the holistic doctors and others becoming as self-centered as those in the regular medical system? After pondering this query for the past couple of months, my conclusion is no, we arent becoming like our allopathic brethren from an ego standpointbecause we are and have always been as ego driven as anyone out there. For goodness sake, we all came up through one or another orthodox system, having gone through education and training in some standardized way. And we all choose how we practice based on the needs of our individualized egos. I am a perfect case in point. I wish I could say I left my Big Sur home in 1998 for the University of Arizonas Program in Integrative Medicine for altruistic reasons, but the fact is I did it for meto escape the pummeling of the emergency room, to learn something new besides the latest drug profile or ACLS standards, and to see my name in print (1 of 3 isnt bad). I believe we all make such decisions for ourselves first and not for any lofty aspiration, such as saving the world. We do it to save ourselves. Which is as it should be. We cannot help anyone else, really, unless we are healthy from an ego perspective. Physician, first heal thyself, and then love thy neighbor. But Dr Manahans question was more about narcissism than simple human nature, and I will confess that while in Arizona, I became caught up in that particular whirlpool for a number of years, given the countrys sudden interest in Andy Weils new endeavor, until reality brought me down to Earth, hard. And on my way up, and back down,
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I saw many like myself, wide-eyed narcissi at book
signings and television interviews surrendering to the sweet lure of self-importance. It is human nature, and we all succumb from time to time. The problem arises when such internal beliefs become external ideology. We have seen this happen within various religions throughout history (think crusades and inquisitions), and I see health care and its representative professions in the same light. You see, from a gestalt perspective, health care and spirituality have kindred goalsJesus, Muhammad, the Buddha (who weren't Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist, by the way), and all prophets have instructed us that caring for our fellow human, specifically those unable to care for themselves, is our prime devotional duty. It is only when man-made religions, and health care professions, claim themselves The One True that trouble arises. It simply is not within the human condition to understand either a perfect God or a perfect way to care for another. But imperfect and limited as we may be, we must still choose some foundational principles from which to practice. Some choose pharmaceuticals and surgery. Some choose botanicals and nutrition. Some needles and homeopathic remedies. And it is in this choice that narcissism often finds fertile ground, and as we begin to believe our particular way superior, we begin to denigrate other paths. My conventional profession has done it to others throughout the 20th century, which in turn have been taking their revenge. As a matter of fact, MD bashing would be a prime event in the Integrative Olympics. Which brings me back to myself (narcissist that I am), and Dr Manahans question. I wandered into integrative medicine because I was seeking a new doctrine from which to practice, one that would fulfill the needs of my patients but especially my own. And, yes, I did for a time get lost in the belief that I was an important part of a new ideology, until the aforementioned reality stepped in. And I learned that the real danger of ego is not falling in love with our face on a magazine cover, or convention brochure, or pool of water, but in the belief that our way is the best way. Because its not. BendaBackTalk
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