You are on page 1of 3

EXT.

FONTANA DELLACQUA PAOLA ROME 12PM


By Chris Bunker
Fire!
Noon on the excluded hill
Overlooking this impossible capital,
though the poor in spirit might call it
Paradise. Positioned where parapets
split-cracked on statued terraferma;
cadavers, strayed cadets
moored on marble seas their
blood fossilized the gaps,
crackling like winter ice.
Alls left now: frozen fountain pool
where Holy Water fumes from
Dragons mouths burning judgment
without the flames.
Men, beasts, places and things,
Where do we go and what should we bring?
To live or die for this city,
In this journey to the end of the night,
I sit and wonder,
Will I be any different, when Im 65?
Lost in reverie on my
stone cathedra, overhearing
globetrotter buses and camera claps
capturing Independence where it was
won and lost pusillanimous place
hoping to chip away marble to
free the skin underneath, but
God doesnt deal in wants and wishes,
just lies told by a chorus of women,
philosophers and generals bathing in
Jesus juice on the terrace.
The China Man and his morning Canon blast,
Fire! A muted collapse. He clunks
dull against the marble pavement
Oh Lord! why have you forsaken
this tourist in my imagination?

Write-Up
I chose to keep the original fire from the poems first version, wishing to maintain the abstract
solitude and the strange depictions that functioned well in my mind. However, as I received
criticism from a variety of sources, I realized that the poem itself, while very abstract and cool,
was lacking setting and established concrete visibility. Readers found the poem to be too highminded and couldnt really place it in any defined location (you were closest to the intended
location: Rome), but this poem certainly needed a face-lift and more transitions to conjoin the
weird puzzle pieces that didnt quite fit together originally.
As such, I wanted to utilize some of the same sound factors that were well-received in my last few
poems. I realized that people appreciated my strange word amalgamation, and my ability to craft
new worldviews through new linguistic associations (similar to what was discussed in class, where
students were encouraged to use different verbs and words together to create new emotional and
visual responses that were originally received as clich).
Some examples of instances where I played with sound were most notably in the first stanza,
where I felt Positioned where parapets / split-cracked on statued terraferma did a much better
job of establishing setting while also filling it with sounds that could allow the reader to visualize
both a modern location and its status as hallowed ground, where bodies piled up and blood
pooled. As opposed to the original version, where the Holy Water seemed to come from nowhere,
I wanted to localize it within something occurring in the action, so I played with the visual concept
of blood leaking and cracking into a fountain pool. Alls left now: frozen fountain pool / where
Holy Water fumes serves to transition into the Holy Water, while also playing again with the
visual element: fumes versus the original falls really enhances the imagery and makes the water
seem to steam from dragons mouths, linking better to the burning judgment concept presented.
I re-organized some of the bits and pieces from the second and third stanza, again hoping to create
more cognitive assonance between the various stanzas and to establish a stronger setting and

narrative. Where at first the second stanza was a confusing interruption of the action set up in the
first stanza, now the poem has more logical flow to it. I particularly enjoyed the move where I
shifted the God doesnt deal to below Lost in reverie, hopefully making it more clear to the
reader that the middle stanza is the narrator contemplating the first stanza, and provides full
context, hopefully acting as a suitable mini-turn to re-orient the reader. The globetrotter buses
was a particular favorite line of mine, having a really cool linguistic/sonic element as well as really
emphasizing the touristic nature that a lot of these places have, and the types of people it draws.
I think overall, this poem does a much better job thematically than the original version, and really
allows for more understanding on the readers part.
Lastly, you noted in your grading that another title would orient the reader better, and while I
originally liked the Fire! title, I realized that you were right. I have a lot of poems that make
sense to me, but without context the reader feels lost. As such, I renamed the poem, giving the
reader an immediate sense of location and time. This can, hopefully, allow the reader to spend
less time struggling to create context and setting, instead focusing on the narrative elements and
the operations within the poem.
Ultimately, I think this poem is a really tough concept, and overall might never be all that great,
but I do feel that this version is one that I am much more proud of, and is closer to reaching
finished product status.

You might also like