Finding Love in a superficial age Talk

Extra additions:
Matrimony comes from the Latin words matris and manus, meaning the duty of motherhood. Our
understanding of matrimony is rooted in Sacred Scripture, Tradition and the Teaching Magisterium
of the Church. Further affirmations of the sacramental nature of matrimony were made at the
Councils of Florence (1438-1445) and Trent (1545-1564) and, in more recent years, at Vatican II
(1962-1965) in the Decree on the Apostolate of Lay People.

Finding love in a superficial age

Exploring Church teaching about love, sex and marriage

Baldacchino

What is this?
Eccentric piece of ecclesiastical furniture? Something from the Circus.
No... represents canopy over a marriage bed... altar as analogous to the marriage bed.
Saint Mechtilde, a German mystic of the 13th century, echoed the same idea when he wrote that
Christ’s “noble nuptial bed was the very hard wood of the Cross on which he leaped with more joy
and ardor than a delighted bridegroom”
Church calls the marriage bed the altar of the home.

He then describes the canopy (baldacchino) over the altar as analogous to the marriage bed. He
continues, “In a similar way, a husband and wife express their love for each other through their free,
total, faithful, and fruitful gift of themselves. Therefore, this call to love is not only stamped into
our bodies, but also the body of Christ in the Eucharist.

did you know that the canopy (baldacchino) built over most altars in Catholic Church actually
represents the canopy over a marriage bed? The symbolism reminds us that on the altar during the
Mass, the Bridegroom (Christ) gives His Body (the Eucharist) to His Bride (the Church) that we
might have eternal life!

not only did the early Christians do this to dignify the altar, but it also had great spiritual
significance linked to the analogy of Christ as Bridegroom and the Church as His bride. Bishop
William K. Weigand explains this symbolism:

The baldachin hangs over the altar in a similar way that a baldachin or canopy
may hang over a marriage bed shared by husband and wife. (In a Jewish wedding,
the groom receives the bride under a baldachin.) The Church is the bride of
Christ. When the Eucharist is celebrated, our spousal relationship with Christ
is renewed.

St. Augustine wrote, “Like a bridegroom Christ went forth from his chamber.... He came to the
marriage-bed of the cross, and there in mounting it, he consummated his marriage. And when he
perceived the sighs of the creature, he lovingly gave himself up to the torment in place of his bride,
and joined himself to [her] forever” (On the Good of Marriage). Saint Mechtilde, a German mystic
of the 13th century, echoed the same idea when he wrote that Christ’s “noble nuptial bed was the
very hard wood of the Cross on which he leaped with more joy and ardor then a delighted
bridegroom” (cited by Blaise Arminjon in The Cantata of Love).
My big hero is Pope John Paul II:
As first non Italian Pope for 455 years, John Paul said more about sex, marriage and family than
perhaps or the previous Popes combined. Either this was a prophetic gesture or a huge blunder.
What were all the Italian Cardinals thinking when he was elected? Mamma Mia! What were the
Russians thinking?

Pope John Paul II said that the “dignity and balance of human life depends at every moment of
history and in every place upon who man will be for women, and who women will be for men.”
TOB 43:7.

JP2 Man cannot live without love

Pope John Paul said:
"Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself.
His life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him,
If he does not encounter love,
If he does not experience it and make it his own,
If he does not participate intimately in it."

How good is the good news? Very good!

How bad is the bad news? Very bad!

What does the Church say about dating?

Not a very kept secret that the Oratory young adults group is a secretive, quasi dating sect.
Not a great deal... dating only been around for about 80 years with the invention of the motor car...
courtship beforehand. Church says nothing about French kissing or holding hands- little guidance...
but has a great deal to say about sex and marriage.
PERSONAL TESTIMONY....
Karl Barth said, "The religious and the sexual are closely related." A quick look at Christian
history provides an interesting analysis of this phenonmenon. The famous hymn writer King
David had an affair with his neighbour after spying on her while she took a shower. Martin
Luther, provided lodging for a refugee on his wedding night. Mary Wesley made a habit of
heckling her famous husband during his sermons. The medieval theologian Peter Abelard had a
scandalous relationship with Heloise and made her pregnant. The Protestant theologian Paul
Tillich spoke frankly about his affairs with students and others. Dorothy Day was abandoned by
her athiest lover for having their child baptised. St Augustine upon conversion abandoned his
mistress who had lived with him for 14 years. C.S. Lewis entered a marriage of convenience
with an American woman to help her gain British citizenship. Robert Jensen described his wife
as the "mother of my theology," while Henry VIII, at one point given the title defender of the
faith developed a reputation as a wife killer. No wonder then, that contemporary philosopher
Roger Scruton describes sex as "either consecration or desecration."

Sexuality is a gift
Marriage is the primordial sacrament : Christ calls us to bring back the Sacrament to the purity of
its origins.

Good communication:
According to Father Father Michael Ryan the positive moments and comments in a relationship
such as a marriage should outnumber the negative times by about 5 to 1. Our capacity to
tolerate negativity has a very short fuse. He has written the book, “The last straw: ways to
overcome the stumbling blocks in communication towards a stronger and happier marriage.”
He states that we must avoid hurting others in every way such as with words or actions. Then
we must also foster an atmosphere in which one can express the other what is hurting. Then
we must also accept the fact that we can hurt others when we don’t intend to. He states that a
happy marriage has the following character traits: the couple spends quality and quantity time
together, they know how to express affection for each other, they show commitment to family
life, they can discuss in a constructive way and they share spiritual values. Sometimes
marriages can break up because of misunderstandings that could have been avoided. To look
for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of wisdom.

Language of the body:

The body communicates a language without words. In the theology of the body we are finding an
adequate anthropology of who are are. Then after this, we find out how to live when we know who
we are. First we find our identity. Then we go out to find our mission. Now it is time to look into
greater specifics: what does a good relationship look like? Non verbal communication is very
important in communication according to experts. It can give over 50% of meaning. There are over
500,000 different gestures that the body can speak. The body can also speak the truth of Christ's
love. The body therefore can also speak a lie. The body can be prophetic. We have to distinguish
between true and false prophets. Judas gives Jesus a kiss in the Gospels at the moment that he
betrays him. We have to understand what the body is actually saying.

The total gift of self is when the body says, “I give you all that I have and everything that I am.”
When we start to look at the body we seem to think it is not connected to the person. When we
make the total gift of self to another, my words that I use should be reflected in my body. This helps
teenagers to understand the 'why' of Church rules.

Many people have not been told the beauty of the Church's teaching on contraception. This deals
with how the body is meant to express love. Contraception takes the gift of fertility out of the gift of
self. Our fertility is a huge part of who we are as men and women. There is a sense of hypocrisy in
the language of the body if it is telling a lie. Pornography constitutes a lie with the body.
Pornography is very widespread with young people. It is something that undercuts marriage as a
training in infidelity rather than faithfulness. It is an issue where one needs to be sensitive but very
direct. There is no need to apologise over an issue that hurts many young people as it is a lie with
the body. In pornography, we are pretending that there is a gift going on, but there is no gift at all.
There is only money involved. In some ways it is prostitution. It is all about taking and not giving.
The body is a gift. In pornography, the body is being revealed but the person is being obscured. It
trains people in unfaithfulness.

What is the difference between sex between a married couple and two unmarried teenagers? After
all, it is the same act? The difference is that one is an act of consummation, the other a lie is being
lived. I might say something with my body, but I lied with my whole act. A fake priest can go
through the motions, but if he said Mass it would be sacrilegious. I cannot offer someone one
million pounds if I only have 4 pounds in my bank account. If I only have one apple, I can only give
it to one person. Part of the apple is for the other person. IF you try to give the gift to more than one
person, it is incomplete and ruins the relationship (e.g. adultery).

A truthful sigh is when the truth in reality corresponds with the truth in my heart. When you ask
someone, how are you? Sometimes they don't always answer truthfully. When girls go dancing they
can communicate with their bodies that they want to be used. They dance with sexual motions that
make men only see their bodies. Perhaps the woman doesn't realise what she is doing in her head.
Later, when she is used, perhaps she still does not understand. She thinks maybe she should lose
more weight. What she is communicating with her body does not correspond with the truth in her
heart.

Pope John Paul wrote a commentary on the song of songs. The grooms calls to the bride: she is a
garden enclosed and a fountain sealed. This is a suitable analogy of how women can express
themselves by their bodies. The dignity women have is worth protecting and preserving. The
woman is the mastery of her own mystery. If every single girl set the standard high, guarded her
heart and did not have premarital sex, boys would set their standards higher. If women set their
standards high, the other sex will recognise their own dignity and worth. Rather than being hung up
one issue, they would realise the standard of dignity is the cross. This is how to speak the truth with
the body!

The legacy that has been left to us with the cross is a message with the body. What is the sign going
to be with my body? Will I imitate Christ or Mary with my life? How will we set our own course?
It is great to get teenagers to implement some of these ideas.

The body has a capacity to speak a language. If the body can speak the truth, it can also speak lies.
Teenagers can learn to judge the truthfulness of sexual behaviour. Anything that is not the truth will
lead to bad relationships. The best language of the body is a language of love. Contraception
disorders the sexual act. I don't give or receive all of you. With premarital sex, adultery or
pornography, the body speaks a lie. Teenagers hate to be lied to. What would motivate you to tell a
lie with the body to another person? How do you feel when someone lies to you with their body? St
Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel at all times, if necessary use words.” Try to speak a
language without using any words at all.

Pope John Paul also talks of the difference between nudity in art and pornography. He talks of the
ethos of the image and the ethos in seeing. There is a responsibility of the artist to uphold the
dignity in the way he portrays the art. The ethos of seeing calls for responsibility of the viewer to
have purity of heart. We are capable of looking on an image with purity. Sometimes we can watch a
film in silence in order to ascertain who was speaking the truth and who was lying. Sometimes, a
person can be obscured because of a lie with the body. With your own body, make sure that you are
living in truth and love. When we do, we speak the language of the Gospel in our own way.

First words of God to man in the Bible are “Be fruitful and multiply.”
God invented sex, and wants you to think about sex. He wants you to think about the meaning and
purpose of sex. The purpose of sex is for babies and bonding.

Why save sex for marriage? experience romance without regret, less divorce, less negative effects:
abortion, depression, poverty, single motherhood, STDs etc.

Understanding Church teaching on love, sex and marriage

Chastity: positive virtue can only be thought of in association with love
not repression or indulgence, or chastity belt.
Brings happiness, despite what our culture says.
Sexual desire is not the same thing as lust. Purity is not the annihilation of attraction, it is the
perfection of that desire. Love is placed above the temptation to use. It is not bad and holy to find
women extremely attractive. When we come to Christ he can redeem our desires and impure
thoughts. St Ritalis of Gaza understood this. He went to prostitutes, not to sleep with them, but to
tell them of the Gospel and convert them. He saw them not as an object in adultery but as sisters in
humanity. Lust is a selfish desire to use someone for gratification.

Chastity is a word that needs to be rehabilitated. It is not something prudish, repressive or negative
towards sex. Purity is not avoiding hell through following rules. It is wanting heaven for the person
you love. Chastity is the joyful affirmation of love. It is good news. As a training in faithfulness
with learn how to love perfectly.

St Josemaria Escriva said, “Never talk of impure things or events, not even to deplore them. Look,
it’s a subject that sticks more than tar. Change the conversation, or if that's not possible, continue,
but speaking of the need and beauty of holy purity—a virtue of the men who know what their souls
are worth. . . . I have never talked about impurity. . . . But I have spoken many times, as I have to
do, about chastity, purity, and the joyful affirmation of love.”

Tobias and Sarah

But Tobit 8:4-9 is Tobias and Sarah's wondrous bedtime prayer. Inspired by the ideal, dating couples
can change the words to suit their own context, ensuring that love and not lust be their incentive.

In the book of Tobit, there is a beautiful prayer that Tobias makes by his wedding bed for God’s
grace and protection. It is especially fitting as his wife Sarah had been in seven previous marriages
and a demon called Asmodeus had killed her bridegrooms before they had ever slept with her!
Tobias prays, “I do not take my sister for any lustful motive; I do it in singleness of heart. Be kind
enough to have pity on her and on me and bring us to old age together.” (Tobit chapter 8:7).

Tobit 8:4-9 (NAB)

When the girl's parents left the bedroom and closed the door behind them, Tobiah arose from bed
and said to his wife, "My love, get up. Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and to
grant us deliverance." She got up, and they started to pray and beg that deliverance might be theirs.
He began with these words: "Blessed are you, O God of our fathers; praised be your name forever
and ever. Let the heavens and all your creation praise you forever. You made Adam and you gave
him his wife Eve to be his help and support; and from these two the human race descended. You
said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.' Now, Lord, you
know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose. Call down your
mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age." They said together,
"Amen, amen,"

Song of songs: for those that think the Bible is boring: this book contains erotic love poetry between
two lovers. St Thomas Aquinas asked to have this book read to him on his death bed.
The book starts with a yearning for an embrace: “O that you would kiss me with the kisses of your
mouth!” (1:1). The writing oozes with scintillating analogies, similes and cravings as the author is
‘sick with love.’ (2:5). The imagery of love is vivid and alive as the writer proclaims: “My beloved
is like a gazelle or a young stag,” (2:9) and “Your hair is like a flock of goats, moving down the
slopes of Gilead.” (4:1). The author’s heart is ravished (4:9) for the sake of his beloved, whom he
also calls a sister and bride. The author lovingly describes his lover’s anatomy in a litany of praise,
“Your neck is like an ivory tower, your rounded thighs are like jewels.” (7:4, 1). For those who are
reluctant to read the Bible because they perceive it to be boring, this book is the perfect
introduction!

St Paul says: Husbands love your brides as Christ loved the Church- how much did Christ love the
Church?: beaten, scourged, whipped, abandoned, humiliated, tortured, crucified and then he popped
round to say hello again!

Observations on masculinity and femininity:

Men – story of Priest lambasting men for not initiating love at university campus
Men- are called to be the initiators of human love. Each man is a son of God, and our responsibility
is to be an image of the father on earth. Authentic love always encounters sacrifice, and “Every man
who seeks the kingdom of God finds himself.” For this reason we cannot afford to be passive, with
no deep convictions. Men are called to spiritually lead the family and to speak truth unwaveringly
with conviction. Some men are passive, fear rejection and never have the courage to initiate
relationships. Most of this fear is a concern about the self. Other men have different methods of
attempting to attract and lure women. Some try to make them feel guilty, seduce by gestures or
initiate by physical gestures. Such gestures deny the intrinsic dignity of the human person. To use a
person is incompatible with loving kindness. The yearning to unite with feminine beauty is a
reminder that a soul longs for the beauty of heaven.

John Paul said, "The greater the feeling of responsibility, the greater the sense of love is."
This generation of youth has their hearts open wide. What is it that we are truly longing for?
A man and a woman's body reveals love, made in the image of God. A man has strength in his body.
He has a call to be strong, have a strong interior life and of prayer. This is not a calling to dominate
but to be a servant. He should be able to sacrifice himself for the sake of his bride. A man's body
should initiate love. Do men initiate love, or lust? The epidemic of single Catholic women is due to
passive, wimpy men who do not initiate love. The opposite of passivity is aggressiveness. A man
actively initiates the gift of love as this is stamped into his body. But modern man has combined this
with a fear of pregnancy, "The mother of all nightmares." Fatherhood is one of the greatest gifts on
earth. Nothing comes remotely close. The misuse of this gift is tinkering with the wellsprings of
human life. A fear of fatherhood is certainly prevalent in our culture. John Paul II was so masculine,
pure that his presence was better than any homily. He was a true inspiration.

Enmasculation- incapability of a man being a man.

Some People believe that the difference between the sexes by caused by cultural norms. A female
sociologist set out to prove that men and women are fundamentally the same, and that girls act
differently only because they are raised differently. To prove her theory, she raised her daughter like
a boy. Instead of giving her dolls and a toy kitchen, she gave her trucks and toy guns. The
researcher admitted that she became a bit frustrated when the little girl instated upon tucking each
of her trucks into bed at night. Yet another mother who gave her daughter unisex toys was surprised
to see her daughter cuddling a fire truck in her blanket, saying, “Don’t worry little truckie,
everything will be all right.”

From this rather satirical story it is abundantly clear that gender is not a social construct but a
dimension of our being that we receive at the very beginning of our lives.

Women- Pope John Paul has written about the ‘genius of woman’ and the fact that she is master of
her own mystery. There are three feminine traits that a most striking: women are made for
relationships, they possess great beauty and have a deep element of mystery.

A woman has beauty reflected in her body. As the most beautiful thing on earth, she is a reflection
of God who is the most beautiful thing in heaven. Many adverts have pictures of women because
both men and women will look at the advert up to 40% longer. The devil is not the one who gave
woman her beauty- God did. God has revealed his beauty and glory through his creation.

Studying up on theology of the body

The theology of the body is a very heavy, theological, philosophical text. It is best to start simple
when looking at this text. Christopher West introductory book is an excellent start to this topic.

Pope John Paul considers two main lenses for this work:
The first is philosophical personalism: focusing on the human being and the only adequate response
being love and also phenonmenology: arguing from human an experience.

Dietrich von Hildebrand on Marriage

In his great book, Marriage and the mystery of faithful love, Von Hildebrand discusses the nature of
conjugal love. This requires a decision, a risk and self giving. The lover cares more for his beloved
than for his own life. A marriage does not originate in the Priest’s blessing but in the decision of the
two persons. Marriage as a sacrament is a fountain of grace. The only authentic reason for this is
mutual love and a belief that the commitment will lead to the eternal welfare of both spouses.

Marriage invites us to fight selfishness. Couples are called to save the precious gift of their love by
victory over self. He who refuses to commit fools himself. A trial marriage is a stupidity of
‘unspeakable shabbiness.’ Those who decide to remain virgins are called to fill their hearts with the
most intense and vital love. Von Hildebrand applies a warning to them, “Woe to those in this
superior status, who instead of becoming more ardent and more sensitive, are affected by a certain
hardheartedness which removes from them further from God than they originally approached Him
by their renunciation.” (p76).

Dietrich von Hildebrand stated that procreation was the primary end of marriage, while love was its
meaning. Wedded love, he says, is what ‘ennobles sex,’ which seems to be saying that, if
procreation is the final cause of marriage, married love is its formal cause.

Spousal meaning of the body for single people:

Recently, a friend asked me what the spousal or nuptial meaning of the body means for single
people. The spousal meaning of the body is the body's capacity for expressing love, that love
precisely in which the person becomes a gift and fulfills the very meaning of his being and
existence.

Single people had a unique capacity to express love in a variety of different self giving functions:
helping those in need with their time and attention, being concerned with the poor and sick and
helping others through the gift of self. The nuptial meaning of the body in this sense can be more
closely assigned with agape than eros. The forgetting of self helps to bring concern and care for
others. Even if one is not married, our bodies have a spousal sense in that as a member of humanity
there are countless ways of giving ourselves to others. Loneliness is an invitation to self gift,
inviting ourselves out of oneself to find communion and reconciliation in the communion of
persons that makes humanity. Therefore, our body can be a gift for others in a spousal and nuptial
sense even if we are not married.

The beauty of Natural Fertility Awareness:

Natural Family Planning (NFP) is almost like a well kept secret in society today. NFP forces men to
appreciate the complexity of their wives. It is a training about how to treat a woman. NFP is
empowering, life giving, a hidden treasure, unifying for marriages, a foundation for marriage, a gift,
freedom for marriages and freedom from fear. Many people think that NFP is the rhythm method, is
too complicated, won't work or you will have to end up having 20 children. NFP teaches a woman
to know the signs and symptoms of fertility. The methods take something that is good and uses that.
Humans are the only animal that have self consciousness. NFP is a process of learning about the
real facts. It is the use of the intellect being taught how to control the flesh. It helps you to put faith
in your own body. Charting fertility cycles helps to revolutionise relationships. It builds trust and
communication in relationships. It is 99% effective and makes sense! It can be used to achieve and
avoid pregnancy. But it is more than effective. It brings oxygen into a relationship. Abstinence can
be a time of growth in marriage. Abstinence turns men into romantic men. 1 Corinthians 7:5 states,
"Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a time, that you may devote yourselves
to prayer." Marriages that are not built on selflessness are not going to last.

Natural Fertility Awareness:

The Holy See’s charter of the rights of the family in 1983 reiterated the right for families to decide
on the spacing of births and the number of children to be born. This right is seen in light of the
objective moral order that excludes recourse to sterilization, contraception or abortion. If planned
parenthood and the Holy See can be united on the right of families to decide on the number of
children and the spacing of births, why is there such divergence on the practice of family planning
between these two institutions?

The answer lies not only in objective morality but the use of the method of family planning.
Contraception causes a division between the main purposes of sex, which is babies and bonding.
Such a rupture damages the integrity of the union of two persons and leaves one open to use rather
than love your partner. Rather than giving oneself fully, contraception is a lie with the human body,
causing us to step back from the total gift of self and the intimacy of the marital act (sex).
Contraception damages the intimacy between husband and wife, invites selfish behaviour into the
marital act and opens the door to greater infidelity. Christopher West writes that the real problem
behind women’s oppression is the failure of men to treat them properly and therefore contraception
is a sure way to keep women in chains.

The Church’s teaching on contraception is greatly misunderstood. This is due to the subtle and
profound nature of the teaching. Contraception is not deemed immoral because it is artificial. After
all, the Church approves of many artificial drugs and inventions that man has invented.
Contraception prevents the natural functioning of the body and denies the purpose God designed the
act to have. No method of contraception is 100% effective to date – this is because God made the
marital act to be procreative in essence. Contraception interrupts, sterilizes and works against
conception whereas NFP respects the body as God designed it and works with this plan.

NFP is a method that is highly reliable, medically safe and inexpensive. Understanding how the
body works is a great act of self discovery. A growing awareness of ecological issues and protecting
and preserving one’s fertility has led to a greater interest in this method. NFP understands fertility as
not something to be suppressed or manipulated, but as a normal bodily function. NFP encourages a
shared responsibility for fertility. This normally leads to a deeper level of care and respect in a
relationship.
NFP respects the design of the human body, leads to deeper communication and intimacy and
encourages self respect and self worth. In the words of Paul VI, NFP, “favours attention for one’s
partner, helps both parties to drive out selfishness, the enemy of true love, and deepens their sense
of responsibility.” (Humanae Vitae, n.21). NFP couples are less likely to divorce, be more receptive
to children and they renew their wedding vows each time they practice the marital act.

The Creighton model can be used both to achieve and prevent pregnancy. Most strikingly of all,
NFP is more effective than any other method of contraception at preventing pregnancy, and is
equally as effective as IVF in achieving pregnancy.

The power of prayer

Chastity is the fruit of prayer....
Prayer is of utmost importance for a Christian. Grace must come from God. We should compose
and prepare ourselves in front of the Blessed Sacrament. It is the secret to love, humility and
purity. It is important to have your interior life as one of prayer. It is possible to fast for other
people. Our love can be measured in the way we offer up our suffering. Get other people to pray for
you. Pray 9 Memorares in a row for al the conversions that you will help to happen. Obey, trust and
then go.

Pray for the gifts of apostolic teaching, preaching, wisdom, prophecy and knowledge. Our Father
wants to give lavishly to us. Sometimes we do not ask. God is more interested in your own
conversion than in you converting others. When we plug into the presence of God in contemplation
and prayer we can live out his will for us. Holiness comes from a life of prayer.

The Bad news:

JD Unwin:
The anthropologist JD Unwin studied 86 different societies spanning 5,000 years. He found an
unexpected and direct correlation between sexual restraint and 'expansive energy' - the ability of a
civilization to grow and remain healthy. He stated, "In human records there is no instance of a
society retaining its energy after a complete new generation has inherited a tradition which does
not insist on pre-nuptial and post-nuptial continence.' (Sex and Culture, Oxford University Press,
1934) and Hopousia (G Allen and Unwin, 1940).

Freud wrote, "Civilization is built on the renunciation of instinct." (Future of an illusion, in

Civilization, Society and religions (penguin Freud Library, Vol 12, 1991).

One day, a woman wanted to get her child baptised. She said to the Priest that she preferred not to
make the promise to reject Satan and all his empty promises. The Priest told her that this was not
optional but in fact a mandatory part of the sacrament.

The devil is not some bogeyman the Catholic Church invented. The devil is real. The devil does not
just want you to sin. He wants your children dead in the gutter. It is when we become proud that the
devil takes us down. According to the Catechism, “Satan or the devil and the other demons are
fallen angels who have freely refused to serve God and his plan. Their choice against God is
definitive. They try to associate man in their revolt against God.” (CCC 414). The devil and the
other demons were indeed created naturally good by God, but they became evil by their own doing.
(CCC 391). To be a Satanist is to accept and believe traditional Christian theology.

Statistics: Vic Reeves: 88.2% of Statistics are made up on the spot

Misunderstanding of our sexual culture. If you want to look is most sacred in the world, you only
have to look at what is most profaned. Sexual illiteracy. Now a situation where many have received
their sexual education from pornography.

NFP vs Contraception 2% vs 40%

HPV contamination rates.... widespread form of STD---
46% of teenage girls acquire HPV from their first sexual relationship
200,000 abortions every single year in the U.K. Poland now advertising to come to UK for
abortions. Highest percentage of teenage abortions in Europe.
3 women die every day from Cervical Cancer- which is almost entirely derived from Cervical
Cancer.
40% of men use pornographic websites annually.
STDs at epidemic levels, effecting 400,000 annually

Phenomenon of 'sexting'
Sexting' is sending a sexually suggestive picture or message. It is not a rare phenomenon. Many
young people have sent or received a 'sext.' Boys are less likely to send racy messages. One study
showed 48% had received a racy messsage. 22% had seen nude or semi nude electronic pictures in
this format. What can happen is a girl will send a picture to a boy, when they break up, he forwards
it to all his friends as a form of revenge.
This phenomenon is a form of child pornography. If you are caught sending a sexually explicit
picture of a young person, you can be charged with child pornography and have a criminal record.
If you forward it to your friends, you can be charged with distributing child pornography which will
be held on your record for the rest of your life.

-----inadequate ethics are based upon a poor understanding of anthropology...

Personal, social, cultural harm

Immense drain on the economy, incalculable loss.

John Paul II on Contraception

He states that John Paul II said that marital non contraception
●Is a teaching whose truth is beyond discussion (June 5, 1987)
●Is a teaching which belongs to the permanent patrimony of the Church’s moral doctrine and a truth
which cannot be questioned (March 14, 1988).
●Is a teaching which is intrinsic to our human nature and that calling it into question “is equivalent
to refusing God himself the obedience of our intelligence.” (November 12, 1988)And….
●To hold out for exceptions on contraception is as if God’s grace were not sufficient is a form of
atheism (September 17, 1983).
●Denying the doctrine of marital non contraception is “equivalent to denying the Catholic concept
of revelation.” (April 10, 1986).
●“What is being questioned by rejecting that teaching… is the very idea of the holiness of God.”
(November 12, 1988)

He clearly stated that to assume not to be the co-operators of God’s creative power but ultimate
depositories of the source of human life is equal to maintaining that in human life situations it might
be lawful not to recognize God as God. In other words, we like to put ourselves in the place of God
when we refuse to co-operate with him. The effects of contraception on marriage are most striking
when you look at the divorce rate.

Contraception and the language of the body

What is the language expressed during sexual intercourse? It is the body that says: ‘I give myself to
you completely, holding nothing back’ The complete gift of self is given in the most intimate of
embraces. There is a sense of vulnerability and full acceptance of the other as two become one.

What does contraception do to that language? Protection is normally something you need against an
enemy, not your most closely beloved spouse. Contraception brings the idea of holding something
back, namely your fertility from the total gift of self. It treats fertility as some form of disease to be
avoided at all costs. Instead, It hinders romance turning the act of love into a barren exploit.

In a word, contraception makes us think there is something deficient with the normal and natural
functioning of our reproductive organs. We use the action and then purge out the effects, just like
bulimia. If the purpose of sexual intercourse is babies and bonding, this twin purpose is divided and
spat out. It is as if we are saying: “I will be the ultimate arbiter of how and when life begins, despite
my actions.” In our quest to be permanently in control, we sterilise the most special moments when
new life is being welcomed into the world.

In a word, we lie with our bodies. With our bodies, we say, “I welcome new life into the world.”
With our actions, what we really are thinking, “If you get pregnant, I want an abortion.” This leads
to a division of the integrity of the act.
CONTRACEPTION
Contraception:
The word contraception comes from the latin 'contra' meaning against or opposite and 'conceptio' is
from the verb meaning to concieve. The word literally means "against conception." The negativity
of the word implies there is something wrong with conceiving. Contraception is every action
before, during and after intercourse that prevents it from being procreative. Treating fertility like a
disease brings a scewed view of freedom and safety.
Two popular methods of contraception are the condom and the pill.
Pill - invented during the 1960s. Women died in the process of testing, men's testes shrunk during
the testing process. So, they lowered the drug dosage and put the pill on the market.
Pill - can cause 150 biological changes in a woman's body, according to the textbook of
contraceptive practice. This can include gallbladder disease, headache, bleeding irregularities,
ectopic pregnancy, yeast infection, changes to the curvature of the eye, excessive hair growth in
unusual places, acne, and partial or complete loss of vision. (Contem. Obstetrics & Gynaecology,
1988; 19: 315-26).
Pill ages the cervix twice as quickly, increases a woman's chance of having breast cancer, cervical
cancer and liver cancer. The pill also meddles with a woman's immune system, making her more
likely to contract certain STDs.
Rather than seeing fertility as a gift and a blessing, the pill represses one's fertility to make it seem
like a disease. Repressing one's fertility is a little like being temporarily neutered- it damages and
distorts many of the wonderful and beautiful aspects of womanhood.
Pill - whilst being a contraceptive can act as an abortifacient. One of the ways the pill works is by
preventing implantation of the newly conceived embryo. This means that if you are sexually active
and using the pill, you could be a parent and have had an induced abortion without realising it.

The Condom
Our generation has been given the message: be 'safe' use a condom. But how true is this message?
Does it provide universal protection against many of the Sexually Transmitted Diseases?
The condom does not provide universal protection against any Sexually Transmitted disease due to
breakage, slippage and misuse.
According the authoritative publication Contraceptive technology - after the use of ten condoms, the
probability of failure of at least one failure is 57%. Contraceptive failure results in exposure to all
the STDs and may result in pregnancy. This provides a very limited sense of protection.
Within a year, 15% of partners who regularly use condoms for contraception become pregnant.
Sex has more consequences than a condom could ever protect against. There is no condom for the
heart or the soul. 'Safe sex' misleads people about the biological, spiritual and emotional effects of
sex.
Protection is normally something you need against your enemies, not against your most closely
beloved.
One man in the 1960s predicted that the widespread use of contraceptives would lead to a variety of
factors: an increase in marital infidelity, lowering of moral standards and men would forget the
reverence due to his wife and no longer treat her as an object of care and affection. These
predictions largely came true: divorce has skyrocketed while moral standards have declined.

Pornography: Man on his wedding night story

Some women dead, others have been raped, tragedy and trauma of pornographic industry does not
correspond with the glossy outward image.
Where are the men in these women's relationships?

Relationship agencies report that as many as 40% of couples with problems believe pornography
has contributed to their difficulties. (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/porn-uk-
480084.html). Pornography consumption increases sexual deviancy, including sexual offences.
Pornography is a clear training in how to destroy a future marriage, as it teaches use about love.
Pornography is providing young people with a warped understanding about sexuality. It trains
young people to see the opposite sex as objects, to be used and discarded at will. It reduces sex to
pure entertainment. Prayer, accountability, sacraments and fellowship are keys ways in which it is
possible to stop a habit of porn. This industry damages and destroys the lives of men and women.

There is an urgent need for a new standard of sexual education that affirms the dignity of the
person, respects women as daughters of the king of heaven and affirms the human body as created
in the image of God. The purpose of sexual intercourse (babies and bonding) needs to be explained
in a way that is relevant and poignant to young people. Young people need to be encouraged to
build a culture of life where human life is affirmed from conception to natural death. Society will be
blessed if these things happen.

STDs -------- MEEKER STORY.....

1. Human Papillomavirus the most widespread STD.
2. You Don't want to be saying, "Thanks for the romantic evening, sorry about the herpes." STDs
are for life, not just for casual encounters.
3. STORY.... EPIDEMIC.... Meg Meeker
http://loveundefiled.blogspot.com/2009/06/rules-have-changed-std-epidemic.html
4. Interesting parts to different STDs... chlamydia, herpes, gonorrea, syphillis
5. Doesn't matter where you have been or what you have done, it is always possible to start over.

NOTES
----------
1. HPV
Very few people know that HPV is the most common STD. There are many different strains of the
virus. Usually, it is incurable but not permanent. It does cause 99.7% of cervical cancer. According
to the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, 46% of teenage girls acquire HPV from their
first sexual relationship. The majority of sexually active women have been infected with one of
more types of HPV.

There are over 100 types of HPV, 30 of which can infect the genital area. Some types of HPV cause
cervical cancer. Types 16 and 18 are responsible for 70% of all cervical cancer. Around 70-80% of
sexually active people will be infected with HPV at some time in their lives. HPV can also cause
genital warts. HPV is spread by skin to skin contact as well as through body fluids. Condoms are
very ineffective as preventing transmission. Almost all cases of HPV are spread by sexual activity
with an infected partner. Most people do not know they are infected. Signs of infection may only
show on a cervical smear test. 70% of HPV infections clear within one year and 90% within two
years. The treatment of cervical cancer by colposcopy is often successful in preventing the
development of cervical cancer.

The most certain way of preventing the spread of HPV is to abstain from sex or to have one
committed, faithful, uninfected life long partner.

It is clear that the safe sex message promoted by both the NHS and the government is ineffective in
its attempt to prevent such a virus. Even virgins can get STDs, including oral cancer from HPV.
Many people will contract this virus because they have wrongly been informed that they were
engaging in ‘safe’ sex. The virus is spread from skin to skin contact throughout the entire genital
area, including one’s thighs and lower abdomen.[3] HPV will normally clear on its own. However,
when a husband is infected with it, his wife is five times as likely to get cervical cancer.[5]
A recent advert in the cinema informed British moviegoers that “STDs are spreading fast - use a
condom.” As oral sex can transmit virtually every type of STD, many young people today are being
told lies about ‘safe’ sex. Gradually the era of handing out contraceptives like sweets will come to
an end. The attempt to protect yourself from someone you should be most intimate with is
particularly absurd as it creates a chasm rather than true intimacy.

2. I could stand here provides slides showing pictures of gross STDs- but I'm not going to - that
would only teach you that you didn't want to be a photographer of sexually transmitted diseases.
What is sure is that some STDs are not forgiving and cause major health concerns. Many STDs
have no symptoms. That means if you have one, you won't definitely know about it. 85% no idea
they have an STD. "I don't know anyone who has an STD." This is a hidden epidemic. Once you
catch one, it's likely to be yours for life.

3. STORY: Baby - Meg Meeker- caught genital herpes when he was 17 years old... given now the
infection was in his baby's brain which now looks like swiss cheese. All of this occurred having sex
with his former girlfriend was "safe." His wife and his baby will now have herpes for life. This is a
hidden epidemic.
4. Earlier in the century, there were just two well known types of STDs: Syphillis and Gonorrea.
Over the course of the the twentieth century, there was a proliferation of STDs to over 2 dozen
today.

Chlamydia - 121,000 cases a year approx.

Gonorrhea - can lead to ectopic pregnancy, pelvic inflammatory disease and infertility.

Cervical cells of teenage girls are less able to fight off cancerous cells. Teenage girls are more
susceptible to cervical cancer...
Some gon syph clam-- treated as soon as possible to avoid damage.
Gonorrea- mutating and becoming resistant to antibiotics.

5. Doesn't matter where you have been or what you have done, it is always possible to start over.
We must not forget the beauty and majesty of sexual intercourse in the right context (which is
marriage), but also that STDs can cause intercourse to cause injury and death.

Epidemic: How teen sex is killing our kids

Meg Meeker describes in this book some startling statistics. She tells of how 8000 teens contract an
STD every day and that half of all girls are likely to be infected with an STD with their first sexual
experience. 40 million Americans have genital herpes. Many of these STDs have no symptoms.

STDs can cause a host of medical problems. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) is the leading cause
of hospitalization for women aged 15-55. Many receive this from Chlamydia or Gonorrhea.
Chlamydia causes PID in 20-40% of cases when it is left untreated. 1 in 4 with PID will have
fertility problems and an increased risk of ectopic pregnancy.

Most startling is the information about HPV. Meeker cites evidence showing that HPV is 5 times
more common than all other STDs combined. However there is an element of guesswork in some of
these statistics. She states that 75% of sexually active people have HPV. Infants born to some
infected mothers can have wart like tumours on their vocal chords. HPV has also been linked to
penile and anal cancer, as well as cervical cancer.

She also notes the emotional and psychological distress of premarital teenage sex, describing how
this is an ‘emotional’ STD. The loss in trust and expectations can be detrimental to the emotional
health of teenagers. The lie of ‘safe’ sex is exposed. Few teenagers use condoms consistently or
correctly. The earlier a young girl becomes sexually active, the more likely she is to have a greater
number of partners and reduce her insistence on condom use. The longer a teenager stays in a
relationship, the less likely they are to use condoms. Meeker describes how birth control is not
disease control.

The media message that teenagers receive is addressed. She states, “Media messages train teens to
tear down healthy boundaries to their privacy, their sexuality and their virginity. This can cause
tremendous distress and depression for teens.” (p75). The American Psychological Association
estimates that teenagers are exposed to 14,000 sexual references, innuendos on television alone
every year! American teenagers experience 38 hours a week of media.

Meeker calls for a distinction to be made between sexuality and sexual activity. She states, “Sex
shouldn’t shape a teenagers identity; their identity and character should shape their decisions and
feelings about having sex.” (p187). The main reasons teenagers have sex is for fun, excitement, to
be accepted by peers and society, to have needs met and to lose themselves. Amongst our culture’s
sexual blitz, teenagers are living in a time when sex can be lethal and dangerous – causing injury
and death. Meeker states that victories in this field will not come from condoms and birth control
pills but from wisdom, maturity and self control. Wisely she does not finish the book without
referring to the beauty and majesty of sex in the right context.

PORNOGRAPHY:
The moral thinking of our age says: Pornography
"What you do in private doesn't seem to hurt anyone else."
"Provided no one is hurt - it is all ok."
Pornography does not stay private...

When James talked to Ted - A famous interview

Founder of focus on the family, James Dobson, once interviewed Ted Bundy, a notorious serial
killer who assaulted and killed 30-100 young women. Dobson was convinced that pornography
played a substantial part in the downward spiral of Bundy’ life as well as many other sexual
offenders.

James Dobson: Do you really feel that hardcore pornography and the doorway to it, softcore
pornography, is doing untold damage to other people and causing other women to be abused and
killed the way you did?
Ted Bundy: Listen, I'm no social scientist, and I haven't done a survey. I don't pretend that I know
what John Q. Citizen thinks about this. But I've lived in prison for a long time now. And I've met a
lot of men who were motivated to commit violence just like me. And without exception, without
question, every one of them was deeply involved in pornography.
(http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/crime/serial-killers/).
Bundy did at one point what seemed to be an upright life. He worked as a suicide hotline volunteer,
an assistant director of the Seattle crime prevention advisory committee and even wrote a pamphlet
instruction to women on rape prevention. But after a number of years he began to rape and kill
women across the country. Also of note was that Bundy came from a considerably disruptive family
background.

James Dobson was right. Pornography has a tremendously damaging impact on the male mind. The
FBI’s study on serial homicide shows that the most common interest among serial killers is
pornography. One must consider the social as well as personal effects that pornography has on the
modern psyche to contribute towards the formation of such minds. Pornography is a detrimental
poison to our society, causing untold damage and harm causing death, grief and abuse. We can
never pretend it does not hurt anyone.

In Psychology there is something known as Pavlov's Dog Experiment....

Pavlov had the original and most famous example of classical conditioning. This experiment
surrounded the salivary condition of Pavlov's dogs. During his research on the dogs he realized that
the dogs began to salivate at the presence of the lab technician who normally fed them. From this he
predicted that a stimulus could become associated with food and cause salivation on its own, such
as ringing a bell.

Likewise, Pornography is one way in which a false stimuli can warp normal and natural desires.
Pornography trains the mind to make links between fantasies and arousal. A mental bond is then
created with the fantasy. This then brings problems for marriages and relationships when fantasy
and reality begin to meet.

e.g. porn on wedding night anecdote. Couple excited in honeymoon suite, wife says to husband how
much she has been looking forward to this night and how wonderful it is going to be. After the
romantic anticipation of both the man and the woman, the woman says “to prepare for this night I
have seen hundreds of pictures of naked men.”

Training the mind to see women to be constantly sexually available, physically flawless. This is an
impossible demand! Pornography is the best training around for divorce.
A clear training in an marital unhappiness

I first came across pornography when I was aged about 11 years old in the Sun newspaper... so
excited to find it, but it did not help or lead me to treat women honorably.

Pornography damages the psyche of our nation, most especially to young people. It warps and
damages the beautiful gift of human sexuality into a fantasy based on lies, manipulation and profit.
It destroys marriages, degrades women, emasculates men and distorts the emotional and spiritual
dimensions of sex.

Chesterton said: "Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God."
The real sign of the decline of a civilization is when women do not blush anymore.

Of those who have experienced pornography, only the most naive of them would think that it had
made them better and more well rounded individuals.
Pornography is damaging, socially, spiritually and emotionally.

If you are looking to break free of pornography:

1/ get rid of all your pornography
2/ change your habits
3/ find somebody who can help you to be accountable to and who you can trust.

Pope John Paul II words to women who have had an abortion:

Pope John Paul wrote to women who had an abortion in Evangelium Vitae n. 99. He said this:
I would now like to say a special word to women who have had an abortion. The Church is aware of
the many factors which may have influenced your decision, and she does not doubt that in many
cases it was a painful and even shattering decision. The wound in your heart may not yet have
healed. Certainly what happened was and remains terribly wrong. But do not give in to
discouragement and do not lose hope. Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly.
If you have not already done so, give yourselves over with humility and trust to repentance. The
Father of mercies is ready to give you his forgiveness and his peace in the Sacrament of
Reconciliation. To the same Father and his mercy you can with sure hope entrust your child. With
the friendly and expert help and advice of other people, and as a result of your own painful
experience, you can be among the most eloquent defenders of everyone's right to life. Through your
commitment to life, whether by accepting the birth of other children or by welcoming and caring for
those most in need of someone to be close to them, you will become promoters of a new way of
looking at human life.

Cardinal Winning Pro Life Initiative:

The Sisters of the Gospel of life have an excellent post on some wonderful words that he said to
start their initiative. He challenged the notion of choice when he said for some it meant the choice
to kill, to terminate, to abort. It seems to have barely occurred to them that implicit in the notion of
choice is the fact that there is an alternative.

Cardinal Winning Said:

‘I issue an open invitation to any women, any family, any
couple who may be facing the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. I strenuously urge any person
in that situation, of any ethnic background, of any faith,
from anywhere, to come to the Archdiocese of Glasgow for assistance.

Whatever worries or cares you may have…we will help you.

If you need pregnancy testing or counselling…we will help

you.

If you want help to cope with raising the baby on your own…we
will help you.

If you want to discuss adoption of your unborn child…we

will help you.

If you need financial assistance, or help with equipment for your

baby and feel financial pressures will force you to have an abortion…we
will help you.

If you cannot face your family, or if pressure in your local area

is making you consider abortion, come to us, we will help find you somewhere
to have your baby surrounded by support and encouragement. We will
help you.

And finally, if you have had an abortion. If you are torn apart with
guilt, if your relationship has split up because of abortion, if you
are suffering from post-abortion stress – come to us, we will
help you.

Today I urge anyone in that situation…Let us help you to

avoid making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.

The power of redemptive suffering

In the apostolate, the money to buys souls is suffering. St Therese of Lisieux is so popular because
she knew how to suffer. The mystery of human suffering is made more manifest when we “Offer it
up.” St Paul says in the Colossians that he “rejoices in his sufferings” as we are “filling up what is
lacking 14 in the afflictions of Christ” (1:24). It is not that Christ lacked anything, but he suffered so
you would know how to. When we participate in the redemptive love of Christ we are able to apply
grace to souls. Human suffering needs meaning. To suffer and not offer it up is like having a lottery
ticket but not cashing it in. To offer up the sacrifice comes immense graces. St Louis de Montfort in
the book 'God alone' discusses suffering as he was determined to bear, in union with Jesus, to the
cross that was given him, if it was God’s will.” A victim of suffering has a sublime destiny and a
noble calling. The merit of carrying crosses has many conversions. Don't waste your suffering. Stay
young at heart and seek the intercession of Pope John Paul II.
Did Christ get down from the Cross? I hope not! - Just having a quick break.

What is grace?
Grace is a “Participation in God’s inner life, which is greater than all miracles.” (F. Fernandez, In
conversation with God, v. 4, p609). Saint Thomas tells us that the goodness of one grace is greater
than the natural goodness of the entire universe (Summa, 1-2, q. 113, a. 9). According to the
Catechism, grace is the ‘free and undeserved help’ that God gives us to participate in the life of God
(CCC 1996-7). The vocation to ‘eternal life is supernatural’ (CCC 1998) and it depends upon God
who alone reveals and gives himself, but God’s free initiative demands man’s free response (CCC
2002).

The use of sacramentals

Sacramentals are material objects, things or actions set apart or blessed by the Church to excite
good thoughts and to increase devotion, through these movements of the heart, they remit venial
sin, according to the Council of Trent (Session XXII, 15). A sacramental is a sacred sign that
signifies effects obtained through the Church's intercession.

St Catherine of Siena: If you were who you really should be, you would set the world ablaze.
Jesus: I have come to set fire to the earth

Don't be afraid to be the Saints of the new Millennium

Invite the author of love and life into your love life! (strong emphasis)