Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Rick Middleton of Executive Expression in LA created the GGNEE model to show how e
put people in mental boxes.
1. Gender
2. Generation (age)
3. Nationality (or ethnicity)
4. Education level
5. Emotion
We each have an interpretation hardwired in our heads for each of these boxes.
The solution is to Think About What Youre Thinking!
When you encounter problem people, realize that theres a reason they are behaving the
way they do. It may be a new problem, or a long-term problem, or it could be that they
really are just jerks. Regardless, Open Your Mind and look for the reasons behind the
behavior and you will take the first step toward breaking down barriers and
communicating with an impossible person.
Exercise: Think of a problem person you dont know very well someone who misses
deadlines, blows up for no apparent reason, acts hostile, is oversensitive to criticism, or
otherwise drives you nuts. Make a list of the words you use to describe the person.
Now think of five Secrets that could underlie the persons behavior that the person is not
going to volunteer to tell you. Now picture how your feelings about the person would
change in each scenario you imagine.
If this person is real and available, sit down with them, open your mind and see if you can
find out the true reason for the problem behaviors you see.
On Making Mistakes:
People, even confident people, are more afraid of making mistakes than they are of
wanting to do something right. Thats because they are afraid of being pounced upon if
things go badly and afraid of the hit their self-esteem will take if they screw up. When
these people make a mistake and feel criticized or embarrassed from without and
humiliated from within, they often promise themselves, Never again will I put myself in
a position to be beaten up like this. This unconsciously holds them back when they have
to make a new decision that might turn out to be a mistake. And the older the person is,
the greater the chance of this happening. And when confronted with the question, Why
Didnt You Make the Decision? The real answer, which they wont tell you, is that they
are afraid, if not terrified of making a mistake.
Whats the most frustrated you have ever felt with your mom/dad or me?
How bad was it for you?
What did it make you want to do?
What did you do?
Im sorry, I didnt know it was that bad.
On Presenting Yourself:
Sometimes people perceive to be something we are or we are not. For example, you may
be a laid back, easy-going person in most cases, but there is a part of you, that is seldom
seen, that is a true Killer. Lets say someone wants to hire you but feels you are too soft
for the position. KNOW YOURSELF. Know yourself well enough to address this
upfront and right from the git go BEFORE it is made a topic of discussion. It is better
that you voluntarily and proactively change the other partys perspective than to have to
do it defensively. Its called dissonance. It makes people go from What can this person
do for me? To What is this person planning on doing TO me?
The greatest single cause of dissonance is the fact that people behave their worst when
they feel most powerless. So, when a man or woman is yelling at a partner, or when a
child and parent are yelling at each other, or when a boss is yelling at a subordinate, or
when a customer is yelling at a customer service person, its because the person who is
yelling feels that he or she isnt being hear or considered. The yeller feels powerless and
scared, not intimidating. (??? I really dont agree with this.)
Shrewd
Confident
Humorous
Energetic
Passionate
Strong
Detailed
Quiet
Sensitive
Forthrigth
Sly
Arrogant
Inappropriate
Hyper
Impulsive
Rigid
Nitpicking
Passive or Indecisive
Needy
Opinionated
The next time you feel an argument coming on, nip in the bud by saying: Time Out.
Right now I feel like you are attacking me, while Im sure you feel like Im attacking
you. When in fact, all we are doing is defending our own positions. Can we start fresh
and take the tension out of the air?
Some Great Sales Question to Ask:
Q: Whats something that would be impossible to do, but if you could do it, would
dramatically increase your success?
A: If I could just do ________. But thats impossible.
Q: Ok. What would make it impossible?
You may come across someone who is stuck in a career or stuck on a problem. Just ask
them, What is something that would be impossible, but if you could do it, would rapidly
accelerate your career or help to fix the problem? Or, would dramatically increase
your sales?
Shifting Another Person from Resistance to Listening
Going from Nobody Understands to YOU Understand!
Ill bet you feel that nobody knows what its like to be scared that you cant pull this
project off. And Ill bet that youre upset because you think were all feeling let down by
you. Whats more, Ill bet you feel that nobody can possibly understand how hard it is to
deal with all the stuff thats happening in your life.
Thats it! I cant take your rules!! I quit!!!
Lets just talk for a minute. You know, Ill bet you feel that nobody knows what its
like to feel suffocated by the rules we ask you to follow. And, I bet youre angry because
you think we cant understand how hard it is for you right now to be what you consider
stuck in this situation. Whats more, Ill bet you fell that we don't have any idea the kind
of pressure you are under or the really tough decisions youre trying to make in your life
right now.
The goal here is to get the person to open up and talk.
On Resolving a Three Person Dilemma:
So, Joan, if I were to ask Harry why he thinks this meeting is just going to be a waste of
time and money, what would he say? Please put yourself in Harrys shoes and tell me
why he thinks this meeting is a waste of time and wont accomplish anything.
Guaranteed, I now have both Joans and Harrys attention, as well as Roberts, the third
person whose interest I have just piqued!
Joan Answers and now I ask:
And, if I were to ask Harry how frustrated that makes him feel, what would you say?
Now I turn to Robert: Robert, if I were to ask you what frustrates Joan most about how
you deal with the situation with Harry, what would she say?
All three a glued and tuned in!!
Robert responds. I then ask him: And if I asked Joan how that made her feel, what
would she say?
Now I turn to Harry, who is the primary reason for the three being in the position they are
because he is the key player in the triumvirate, and ask: Harry, if I were to ask your mom
and dad whether they are more disappointed and frustrated with you or worried about
you, what would they say?
And with that, we have everyone talking with the truth on the table.
Empathy and Anger cannot exist at the same time. Let one in and the other has to go.
So, when you shift a blamer into empathy, you stop the persons angry ranting dead in its
tracks.
Scenario:
Person A. I understand theres a problem.
Person B. Hell, yes theres a problem. She didnt give me enough time or
information.
Person C. Dont blame me for this mess!!
Ask Person B, If I were to ask Person C what frustrates him most about working with
you, what would he say?
Get the answer and ask the same question of Person C about Person B.
And how does that make her feel?
Do Not Interject Your Own Feelings. Your goal is get two people to mirror one another,
and they cant do that if you are standing between them. Facilitate, dont but in!!
Also, you are not trying to solve the problem, you are merely shifting people to a place
where THEY can solve the problem, as well as the next one after that.
Using Reverse Play to Get More Out of a Person:
You are meeting with a person who is not meeting expectations and falling behind. The
person thinks you are going to tell him everything he is doing wrong. Instead say,
Youre probably waiting for me to lay out a list of complaints, like I usually do.
However, I was thinking about the reasons You might be disappointed in Me. Youre
probably afraid to tell me about these things, because you figure Ill get defensive.
From here, lay out the three things you suspect disappoint the person most about you.
Then ask if this is true. If not, what ARE the things that most frustrate you about me?
And how much do these things bother you?
After you get your answers, thank them and say, I didnt know and I guess I didnt want
to know these things. Im sorry and I will try to do better in the future. Then stop!
If the person asks, Is there anything else, say No. thats all I wanted to know. Thank you.
By apologizing yourself, you shift a person out of a defensive mode and cause the person
to mirror your humility.