The heart of marriage is its communication

system. It can be said that the success and

happiness of any married pair is measurable in
terms of the deepening dialogue which
characterizes their union. Dwight Small
Experts say one of the most serious
problems in marriage, which leads
to divorce is the inability to
communicate.

Communication is Complete When:

a. Use fundamentals of speaking & listening.

b. Resolve conflicts through constructive
methods.
c. Spend time daily in intimate sharing of
feelings.-----Communication is giving &
receiving info. Listening Is important. And
so is under-standing

The Conversing angle of Communication

Talk brings Os together in a relationship.

We express feelings, convey emotions,
clarify thinking, reinforce ideas, and make
contact with others.
It passes time, U get to know the other,
releases tension, & expresses opinions. So
the most basic function of Speaking is
building relationships.

John Powells 5 levels of Communication.

1. Level 5Small talk shallow
conversation.
2. Level 4factual conversation.
3. Level 3ideas & opinions.
4. Level 2Feelings & emotions.
5. Level 1Deep insight.

Barrier to Effective Speaking

1. Solution senderorders, directions,
commands.
2. MoralizingDont you know enough
not to..

3. Put-Downsjudge, criticize, and

blame.Assassinate the spouse.
4. The Correctorhelps keep the facts
straight.

5. The Bored Listener-here we go again.

6. The Selective Listener-picks out bits and
pieces of conversation that interests him, and
rejects the rest.
7. The Defensive Listener-Twists everything
said into a personal attack.
8. The Insensitive Listener-One who can not
catch the feelings and emotions behind words.

Some Christians feel that it isnt right to

say what U think.
Others resort to silence for the childrens
sake. BUT bottled up emotions takes a toll
physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Men feel life is only work, and productivity their answer to lifes problems is
action, not talk. Others are dogmatic &
authoritarian.

They refuse to speak further on a subject

once they have handed down an edict.
Still others hate discussing what they term
as not important.
Women need to talk and let her feelings
out.
He wants & needs a companion with
whom he feels secure & safe from
ridicule.

A man will respond to a woman he trusts

..S

Effective Speaking Rules

1. Choose the right time to speak with your
spouse.

2. Develop a pleasant tone of voice.

3. Be clear and specific.
4. Be positive-80% of talk is negative.
5. Be courteous & respectful of your
mates opinion.

6. Be sensitive to the needs & feelings of

your mate.
7. Develop the art of conversationleads
to marital satisfaction.
Treat your family like friends and your
friends like family.
Use I messages they show actual

The Listening Angle of Communication

Most prefer to talk rather than listen.
Faulty listening is usually at the root of
marital problems.

Barriers to Effective Listening

The bored listener-brain in neutral.
The selective listeneronly what is of
interest.
Defensive listener-twists everything into
a personal attacks

Insensitive listener-does not hear feelings

or emotions.
Interrupters-time spent in forming
reply-not listening.

Effective Methods of Listening

Body language
The door opener-I seetell me more
Active listening-process info, analyze it,
recall it.

Rules for Effective Listening

1. Maintain good eye contact.
2. Sit attentively lean forward .

3. Act interested in what you are hearing.

4. Show agreement, interest and
understanding.
5. Ask well-phrased questions.

6. Listen a little longer30 seconds.

Solve Conflicts
1. Choose best time & placenot late at
night.
2. Say it straightbe open and respectful.
3. Stay on the subjectone at a time
please.
4. Show respect-right to have opinions.
No name calling, threats, no put-downs.

5. List the solutionsbrainstorm.

6. Evaluate the solutions.
7. Choose the most acceptable solution.

8. Implement the decision.

Unfair fighting techniques can destroy a
relationship. Learn to stay reasonable.
Choose not to argue, but calmly and
quietly confront the real situation.

Intimate Communication

Communication peaks during the 1st year of

marriage,
While couples explore inner feelings and set
goals for the future.

But after kids enter attention is divided.

Romance wears off,
The relationship bkms a business partnership. I, U, we, usback seat!

Get in touch and stay in touch with each others

Feelings. Talk Back-a plan to regain
intimacy.

1. Choose a subject my greatest emotional

need
2. Reflect and write for 10 minutes.
3. Share what you have written .
4. Take turns in responding to what has been
written.

Communicate through the avenue of

touch.
Remember husband, wife and God form a
holy triangle.

a person cant be genuinely open to God

& closed to his mate.