HD 484A Reflective Study: Developmental Study

Reflecting on life experiences is something we do every day through friendly

conversations with our family and friends. Choosing specific life experiences and
consciously discovering how the experience affected our development suddenly
makes me feel a little uncomfortable. The stages of life that I have decided to
address are childhood and adulthood.
I was always a quiet child. My kindergarten teacher called me abnormally shy.
Although I didnt know what abnormal meant I remember feeling ashamed. My
teacher sent a letter home to my parents expressing her thoughts. My mother and
father hugged me and told me I was beautiful, but I was just a little bit too quiet. I
remember feeling confused. I was comforted by my parents hugs and
reassurances. My dad even said that he was a quiet child too. At the same time
their remark about me being a little too quiet, made me feel like there was still
something unacceptable about me.
At six years old I remember feeling happy and excited about everything. I had a
comfortable summer with my family and I was looking forward to starting the first
grade. I began to talk alot! I talked so much during class time that my teacher
began to give me warnings. I remember feeling happy. I wasnt quiet anymore!
Next, my name went on the board. My happy feeling turned to shame. I knew
when your name was put on the board it was bad. I kept talking though and finally
my desk was moved away from my peers. It was placed alone in the front of the
room. Sitting alone didnt really bother me, but sitting in front of everyone was
torture. I felt embarrassed and frustrated. I was beginning to feel that it didnt
really matter if I was quiet or if I talked too much. Either way I felt I was not okay.

My teacher spoke with my parents. They expressed to her that because I was so
quiet my kindergarten year they were delighted to hear that I was being social.
They assured her that they would talk to me about talking at appropriate times in
the classroom. I understood what my parents meant by being appropriate in class.
I remember their words, be a good girl Maura. Listen, and dont talk so much in
class. I tried but I was unsuccessful. My next stop was the principals office.
Again, I felt sad, ashamed, and scared.
I wore a brand new red camel hair coat to school. It had white fur at the cuffs
and around the collar. I loved my new coat. I felt pretty and grateful to have such a
warm beautiful coat. It was also the day I was sent to the office to see the principal.
I went to the office and Mrs. Roach sat me in Mr. Jackmans office. Mr. Jackman was
not in his office but I was told to sit down on a large wooden chair. I dont know how
long I sat there but it seemed like forever. I sat in the office feeling ignored, alone,
and scared. I wanted to cry. While sitting there I realized I needed to use the
bathroom. I felt alone and incapable of asking anyone if I could use the bathroom. I
sat there as long as I could until I finally I had to do something. I relieved myself
right there on the chair. Immediately I felt horrified, ashamed, and embarrassed. I
also felt grateful that Mr. Jackman did not come into his office. I was terrified. I
didnt know what to do. I started to cry quietly. I looked around for something to
use to clean up my mess. The only thing I saw was my new red coat. Without
hesitation I grabbed my coat and dried up the chair, my legs, and the floor. Feeling
panicked, scared and mad at the situation I rolled up my coat and left through the
back door of the office. I lived around the corner from the school. I ran all the way
home sobbing. When I arrived at home I was hesitant to go inside. For a brief
moment I wondered just how much trouble I was going to be in. How mad was my

mom going to be when she saw my new coat. Then a feeling of calm came over me
as I remembered this was my home. My mom was inside, and I didnt need to feel
scared. For the first time since the morning I felt safe and loved. Everything was
going to be okay.
Living through this experience I learned that labeling a child creates a feeling of
inadequacy. I learned labels can make a child feel ashamed. I learned that if a
situation is dealt with by love and support a child will feel reassured and comforted.
I learned that labeling a child even just a little bit makes them feel unacceptable. I
learned that when a child is feeling good about themselves words said by adults and
care givers have the power to destroy these feelings. I learned that when a child
feels unsuccessful it invites shame, sadness and fear. I learned that if a child who
feels ignored or abandoned is unable to ask for help or feel that they are unworthy
of being helped. I learned that a child can prove to be resilient in a tough situation.
I learned that when a child feels loved and secure they can face anything.
My second life experience I wish to share began in 1994. I was thirty-five years
old. I was living in La Verne, California with a roommate. We would soon be starting
school at the University of La Verne.
I started my junior year feeling nervous and excited. My roommate and I took a
computer class together so we could help each other. I felt confident as lab
partners we would succeed. I knew how to take notes and study for a test and she
was good with hands on lab work. Our teamwork was successful. Mid semester I
was delighted and encouraged. I had an A in the class. My feelings of
encouragement and delight were about to change. Life for myself and my family
was also about to change, drastically.

My mother was sick and she was having difficulty breathing. I took her to the
emergency room at Queen of the valley Hospital in West Covina. My mother was
diagnosed with pneumonia and she was admitted to the hospital. My mom was
going to be treated and would soon be feeling better. This made me feel relieved
and thankful. The next day while at work I received a phone call from my mothers
doctor. Results of my mothers blood tests came back. My mom had Ovarian
Cancer. My heart stopped.
Twelve years prior in 1982 my father passed away. He left my mother, my
sisters, and me. Since my dads passing, my mother had done a wonderful job
keeping our family whole. The fear that engulfed my being when I heard the word
cancer was overwhelming, confusing, and terrifying. My mother lived alone and I
decided to move back home to be near her. I felt thankful that I was able to go
home. Although the decision to move back home was abrupt and immediate, I was
thankful that my landlord was understanding, and terminated the lease. My
roommate decided to find a smaller place just for herself.
My mother began heavy chemo therapy every Wednesday night. Feeling fearful
and worried for her, I drove my mother to the Norris Cancer Institute in Los Angeles
and stayed with her. My mother sat and endured a four hour chemo drip. Much to
my surprise I loved this time together. We talked, laughed, and watched TV
together. I felt hopeful and calm. It wasnt long before I decided to withdraw from
school and spend all my time with my family. During the second week of chemo my
mother started showing typical side effects. Vomiting and losing her hair. My
mother kept her sense of humor and optimistic outlook throughout her ordeal. This
aroused an intense feeling of pride and admiration inside of me. I felt strong. I felt

inspired. I felt optimistic, because of my mother. At this point I received a phone

call from my old roommate.
After exchanging pleasantries Gina asked about my mother. I filled her in and
then she said, Im glad shes doing well, but I have to tell you how I feel about the
way you have handled this situation. I felt threatened. I didnt like the tone of her
voice. She proceeded to tell me that the abrupt way I moved out was selfish and
forced her to find a place on her own. I felt shocked. She said that I had agreed to
help her get through classes at La Verne. I did not keep my word. She told me that
I did not think about how my decisions were going to affect others. I felt angry and
let down. Gina continued to tell me how studying, working and living on her own
were difficult. It was unfair that I chose to go home and live with my mom and go
on with my life. I felt mad at Gina and disgusted at what she was saying. For the
first time in my life I became unglued and told someone how I was really feeling at
that very moment. Expressing how I felt was intense, scary, and satisfying.
Living through this life experience I learned that when an adult starts a new
situation he feels nervous and excited. I learned that when adults work together
they feel confident and successful. I learned that when an adult is successful they
feel delighted and encouraged. I learned that when an adult receives good news
about their family they feel relieved and thankful. I learned that when an adult
receives bad news about their family they can feel like their world has stopped. I
learned that when an adult is afraid they can feel overwhelmed, confused and
terrified. I learned that an adult may experience something unfavorable and feel
afraid and worried or calm and hopeful. I learned that depending on a persons
outlook or perspective unfavorable experiences can lead to feelings of pride and
admiration. I learned that when an adult is confronted they can feel threatened. I

learned that when an adult is told something negative by a friend they can feel
shocked, angry, and let down. I learned that when an adult expresses his feelings
at the moment of anger they can feel intense, scared, and satisfied.
Life changing events are ongoing. Sometimes we initiate these changes, other
times they are out of our control and we react. When we are children we dont
understand this. Little issues become big ones because developmentally a young
child is not equipped to deal with life on their own. Their being depends a lot on the
adults in their life. Adults sometimes choose not to deal with life. Like a child they
let life happen all around them, or they blame others for their life circumstances.