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Issue 942 - Weekly Thursday 1st October 1998

Out with the old, in

with the new!
Schroeder wins German Election
After 16 years in power,
Chancellor Helmut Kohl was
elected out of office in Sunday’s
German Elections. He will be
replaced as Chancellor by
Gerhard Schroeder whose Social
Democratic Party won 41% of the
vote. No one party won enough
seats to form an overall majority
and it is looking increasingly like-
ly that Mr Schroeder will choose
to form a coalition government
with the Greens, who received
unexpectedly high backing with
6.7 % of the vote. The large
swing towards the left in
Germany follows today’s
European trend, set by Blairism
in Britain and by Lionel Jospin in
France. Many people in
Germany have reiterated com-
ments frequently heard last May
in Britain: “It was time for a
change.”
Mr Schroeder’s Social Democrats
have moved away from the tradi-
tional left wing of German poli-
tics and claim to be the represen-
tatives of the “new centre”.
Indeed many find it hard to dis-
tinguish between several foreign
policies held by Schroeder and
those held by Kohl. By contrast,
the Green Party, who in all proba-
bility will share power, is seen as
quite radical. Their policies
include an end to, or at least a
mass scaling down of, nuclear
power, something the French
could never compromise on; the
reduction of NATO, (contrary to
Mr Schroeder’s belief that
Germany should at last become
militarily involved in Nato peace
keeping missions), legalisation of
cannabis and same sex marriages.
The other main winner in the
election was the ex-communist
Party of Democratic Socialism.
The PDS polled a large amount of
support in the east, where the
euphoria of freedom and democ-
racy has long since been replaced
by the realisation of economic Levis Strauss, the company that invented blue jeans is to close four plants in
hardship including mass unem- Europe with the loss of 1,560 jobs. Demand for jeans is falling at 4% a year.
ployment.
The end of Chancellor Kohl
marks the end of an era. Kohl
was instrumental in the transition
period of the late eighties. He
brought about unification and
strove towards further European
integration. Kohl forged close
links with both France and
Russia. His departure could be
the first in a line of faces to leave
the political map. With both
President Clinton and President
Yeltsin clinging on to power and
President Chirac being increas-
ingly undermined by the left wing
government of Lionel Jospin, the
end of the millennium is set to
become a new transition period in
world politics.
Out with the old, in with the new.
News in Brief
Levis cut jeans
New Albanian PM
31 year old former student activist Pandeli Majko, of the Socialist Party has
been nominated to take over the much troubled Albanian state following the
resignation of Fatos Nano on Monday.
Malaysian protests escalate
Malaysia’s ousted deputy Prime Minister has pleaded innocent to nine
charges of corruption and illegal sex acts and claims to have been severely
beaten whilst in custody. Amnesty International have called for his release
and claim that the allegations against him are politically motivated. Mr
Anwa’s principal accusers have already retracted their confessions. Before
his arrest Mr Anwar was at the head of the volatile campaign for political
reform directed at his former boss, Prime Minister Mahathir Mohammed.
Fresh demonstrations are planned calling for both the release of Mr Anwar
and the resignation of Prime Minister Mahathir Mohammed.
Hurricane Georges - the clear up begins
Hurricane Georges has been downgraded to a tropical storm but has already
claimed the lives of up to 400 people across the Caribbean. A state of emer-
gency has been called in many areas as the scale of the damage becomes
apparent and clear up operations get under way.

INCREDIBLE EXCLUSIVE COMPETITION - SILVERSTONE’S 50th Birthday Party - This Weekend

Win 2 Weekend Pass tickets to the
Silverstone Golden Jubilee Race Meeting
incorporating the Autumn Gold Cup.
Silverstone’s 50th Birthday Party - Saturday 3rd October - 1800
An evening of Star Cars, Star Guests and spectacles.
Be there for race day on the Sunday and watch the GT’s, formula 3, Porsche’s, historic sports cars and
TVR Tuscans.
Entries must be in by Friday 14.00 either in the BareFacts Box (outside the BF Office) or by email to
Barefacts@surrey.ac.uk . The tickets will only be available for collection on Friday afternoon from Dave
Hamilton. The winner will be drawn from a hat containing all correct entries at 15.00. The winner will be
notified shortly after the draw.
Please provide contact details for Friday afternoon/evening. Failure to do so will render your entry null
and void. Please answer the following question:
Mikka Hakinnen is on the brink of winning this years world championship.
Who is the only Finnish driver to have previously taken the Formula 1 World title?

News 1 n Letters & events 2 n Review & features 3/4 n Music 5/6 n Entertainments Guide 7 .
Notices & Personal & Crossword 9 n Features 10 n Surrey Pride 11/12
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2 News Thursday 1st October 1998 n

Letters CampusDance presents

Dear Ed
I would like to express the opinion (and I
speak for many) that Saturday night (26th)
at the Union was a considerable rip-off. I
conveyed this to a member of staff on the
night and the response was that “it was for
the freshers” . I would argue that it was at
the expense of the freshers, and the rest of
us who were naive enough to hope for a rea-
sonable night at the Union on a Saturday.
Ultra Nate’s show “ (blink and you missed
it)” was entertaining while it lasted, but
approximately fifteen minutes didn’ t justify
the premium placed on ticket prices for the
evening. Most of the audience were per-
plexed when they promptly left the stage,
but no encore followed (presumably that
would cost another £6).
To quote the old adage, “everybody has
their fifteen minutes of fame” but Ultra
Dear Ed
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I was under
the impression that Bare Facts is a newspa-
per. My emphasis here is on the word
‘news’. I wonder then, what the article
(rather strangely) titled ‘Burning the Candle
at both ends!’ (issue 940) was doing on the
front cover? This story, for those who
missed it, concerned the arson attack on the
Human pyschopharmacology unit at the
Royal Surrey County Hospital, supposedly
by Animal Liberation activists. My ques-
tion is then, are we allowed to deliver our
subjective opinions, passing them off as
Nate seem to have taken this somewhat lit-
erally. Must the union continue to book
“B/C celebrities” at the [considerable]
expense of the membership of this union? I
dread the prospect of future such acts
booked, facilitated in a company - sorry, “a
union” - eager to make huge profits. Who
next? John Alford (£8), Toya Wilcox (£10),
Richard and Judy Sing the Blues (£14) -
although perhaps fifteen minutes would be a
blessing! I commend most of the work that
is undertaken by our entertainments com-
mittee, but to quote another old adage, “ you
get what you pay for” On the evidence of
Saturday night we paid for what we didn’ t
get. I implore the entertainments committee
to, quite literally, sort their acts out.
Yours sincerely
Tom Merryfield
fact, on the front page? For that was little
more than what this supposed news item
was, one individual’s view of the success of
Unplugged
such a tactic, a hackneyed view at the best “If music be the food of love, play on”, so annual talent contest.
of times, hardly a novel approach or inter- said Shakespeare and who would disagree?
esting angle that might have justified it’s Certainly not I, because between you and This Tuesday (Wk5) last years finalists
prominence. If items like this have to be me, there’s nothing I enjoy more than listen- COY return to the Unplugged stage to enter-
given column inches, surely they should be ing to good music in the company of tain yet again. This privilege is yours for
on the inside pages, with the other opinions? friends. Who knows, I may even have a just £1.
What a pity, because the rest of the paper lager or two, just to be sociable like.
seems to be shaping up nicely. Surely we Before this at 7pm, prior to the screaming
can do better than this? Picture the scene, if you don’t mind, of a hoards arriving to see COY (Tuesday Wk5),
Yours, Head Shakingly Tuesday evening each odd week of semester we will be holding our AGM, to which you

Strangely Shaped Editorial

Freshers week is over and the aftermath is
clear. As we all count the costs to our wal-
lets, health and reputations it is time to set-
tle into the routine of term time. I hope you
all benefited from the Freshers festival. I
remember that I signed up to every society
and willing put my name to anything that
would offer me a freebie. I never had any
intention of joining everything, if anything.
However this is the time to seriously sit
down, think what you would like to get
involved in and go for it. Next week look
out for an Electrasy competition, following
their superb performance on Sunday, and to
the winners of this weeks Silverstone com-
in the Helyn Rose bar. The dancefloor is are cordially invited. The main purpose of
covered with candle lit tables, populated by this meeting is to elect committee members
students, their friends and fantasies, eagerly and we want you if you think you’ve got the
petition, I am
awaiting the latest offering from the spunk to help run ‘the best society on cam-
forever jealous.
UNPLUGGED team. pus’. If you don’t fancy a committee posi-
By the time you
tion, think we may be interested in a band
read this I am
At UNPLUGGED we offer you excellent you know of or just can’t control your
hoping that the
live music and entertainment from students curiosity, please feel free to pop along to the
Surrey sports
and professionals in a wonderful chilled out meeting before the evening’s entertainment
teams have sent
atmosphere. We organise gig trips, live kicks off.
C h i c h e s t e r ’s
radio broadcasts as well as the awesome
teams packing in
the first block Oh No, It’s Silly Bond (age) night!
fixture of the
season. Discover all the results and scan- That’s right, Bond is back and he is coming silly night only lasts for a few hours, so trea-
dalous reports next week in the Surrey Pride to silly night this Wednesday, so get out sure those moments and lookout for run-
pages. The best bit of news I can share with your golden gun, point your golden finger at away thunderballs on your way to Bo’s.
you this week is that apparently Ms your golden eye (or anywhere else) and Over and out, love from…. Code Name
Lewinsky has stated that “I accept that silly night never dies. It just S.H.E.E.P and all her fluffy helpers.
have nothing more to tell”. develops a couple of mushrooms, a slightly P.S. In case you were wondering, its also a
What a relief! green tinge and a hint of rigomortis. bondage night, so if you can’t find a James,
Finally let me bring your In order to get your double+mixer for £1 you could bring along a gimp instead – pick
attention to the fact that bring along a ‘Bond related item’ such as a one up off the streets like I do, or make your
October is Breast Cancer piece of exploding chewing gum, or even own out of bin bags, sticky back plastic and
Awareness month. For more better, dress up, eg as an evil old man a small ferret. Baaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Feel that
details pop in to see me or stroking his fluffy white (Octo) pussy. rubber baby.
Alex in the Sports Office. Remember, diamonds may be forever, but

The University of Surrey Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual Society

Going to University, for many of us, is
the first time that we are away from
home. It gives us the chance to become
independent, and to develop into our
own individual characters. It also gives
us the opportunity to question our-
selves and what we want from life.
Coming to terms with our sexuality,
whether it is straight, lesbian, gay or
bisexual, can be a very stressful time.
You can be made to feel isolated, guilty
and alone, which makes coming to
terms with it so much harder.
However, many of us come through it
for the better and are able to enjoy life,
in a more open minded way.
What is The LGB Society?
It is a society that has grown in mem-
bership in the past few years. It is aimed
at making to terms with our sexuality
that little bit less stressful. Whether you
want to talk to somebody in private, or
whether you choose to attend the meet-
ings, the LGB Society aims to provide a
confidential, safe and friendly environ-
ment.
Who is the LGB Society for?
It is for any students who are interested
in, or appreciate issues of gender and
sexual orientation. Whether you are
already out and wish to meet other LGB
students at the university, or you are
confused about your sexuality and want
somebody who has been through it
already to talk to, the LB Society is here
to try and help.
You can come to socialise and to meet
other students, or take a more active
role in LGB issues. If you would like to
talk or write to somebody in confidence,
then contact us via our e-mail address.
Those who choose to contact the society
in what ever way, will not be judged on
their sexuality, and no-one will make
that decision for you.
If you think that the society is for you,
have any further comments to make, or
would like further information e-mail:
lgbsoc@surrey.ac.uk
And remember our meetings are held
every TUESDAY, 8PM, TB20b.
Thanks for your time in reading this
article.
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:23 Page 3 (1,1)
n Thursday1st October 1998
STUDENT COUNCIL
Thursday 8th October, 1-2 PM on the
Union dance floor
The next Student Council meeting promis-
es to be well worth a look. Come along to
discuss and debate issues such as “Keep
Wednesday Afternoons Free for Sport”
motion, elect students into vacant Executive
positions, particularly the new Technology
Officer position, re-furb of a new vending
area and whatever else comes up. It’s your
chance to hear what the Union bods have
been up to, and have a jolly good argument.
Look out for the minutes of the last meeting
and details of the next going up on notice-
boards soon. Don’t forget that Student
Council is compulsory for some people -
representatives from EVERY amenity, club
or society, course reps, Union officers. If
you can’t come, send your apologies to
Duncan Hobbs, Union Chairperson, via the
pigeon hole in the post room, or email him
at <ee63dh@surrey.ac.uk>. If you fail to
attend and don’t send your apologies, then
you face the possibility that your budget
may be frozen, or your position assumed
Video Release - A Life Less Ordinary
A Life less Ordinary is released on video on
Monday 28 September 1998 at £14.99 and
you have to get it.
I read the plot and immediately thought not
in a million years. For example: Two
angels, a match made
in heaven, true love,
cheesey ending. It
did not sound like my
type of film.
However A life less
Ordinary was the
third in the set of
Shallow Grave and
Trainspotting; two
fantastic films. It had
to be worth a shot.
Ewen McGregor
comes across
superbly. Now I
don’t say that lightly.
I mean he is an aver-
age built, average
looking, excellent
actor with quite brilliant timing. In this film
he gets together with the one and only
Cameron Diaz, who is quite simply one of
the most beautiful women in the world. It
seems to me that if you want a decent film
Book Review - Excession by Iain M Banks
Honestly, in this kind of book, you’d think
that they’d be used to indefinable perfect
black spheres 53 kilometres across and sit-
ting sideways across the Universes by now.
But no, it still attracts enough attention to
start a war. Banks’ most recent paperback
“Culture” (sci-fi) novel is typical of his
work; it is witty, entertaining, intriguing and
packed with more new SF ideas than sever-
al series of anything on the TV at the
moment.
It is, for the most part, a spaceship novel,
with the immortal Minds that run the ships
of the Culture fleet controlling and manipu-
lating the situations that the smaller human
and alien characters find themselves in. The
lead human character is called Genar-
Hofoen, an ambassador to the alien species
known as the Affront. He finds himself
called away from his role on the Affront
resigned, so don’t risk it! The meeting is
open to everyone, so don’t loose your
chance to complain and demand answers.
See you there.
TECHNOLOGY OFFICER
Long overdue now, a TECHNOLOGY
OFFICER has finally been co-opted onto
the Union Executive Committee. The deci-
sion was supported by last Student Council
meeting, and competition for the post is
already hotting up! The job will involve
being the Union web-site manager; forming,
convening and chairing the meetings of the
Technology committee; representing the
Union on relevant University committees as
appropriate, and ensuring that the Union is
making the most efficient use of existing
technology and investigating new technolo-
gy. Nominations are open - if you want to
stand, please ask for a nomination form,
available from the President’s Office, and be
prepared for a show down speech at the next
Student Council in week 5.
from these shores today it either has to have
Ewen Mcgregor or Robert Carlyle in it.
This is no bad thing. As for Cameron, well,
she proved a lot of people wrong. She can
act, unlike many of her counterparts and she
did more than
play her part in
a superb film.
McGregor
does however
carry the film.
For anyone
who appreci-
ates the come-
dy style of
Trainspotting
as much as I
do, then a col-
lector’s trilogy
boxset featur-
ing A life less
Ordinary,
Trainspotting
and Shallow
Grave is something that cannot be missed.
(£29.99 - released on 28th September).
This was the best film I have watched in
ages and had me laughing throughout. - the
ed.
worlds to investigate the black sphere
described as an Excession; a theoretically
infinitely powerful entity, but one that
seems content to do exactly nothing.
Although the book is a little bewildering to
those unfamiliar with Banks’ previous
Culture novels, the quality of the writing
makes it very accessible. The major plots of
the novel, although running simultaneously,
never really meet up, but this is not as dis-
appointing as it could have been, as the
Minds appear to operate on a different level
to the humans. It is the kind of book that you
would imagine if you wanted a decent SF
novel of literary worth. The literary SF
behemoths of Frank Herbert and Arthur C.
Clarke did not have worlds as well thought
out and believable as these. Read it, even if
you hate this kind of stuff. Though not per-
fect, it is an immensely thought provoking
and easy read.
3
Fancy getting on in the Union?
Union Executive Committee is a group of HIV status and special needs. Works
students, elected by students, to help run the closely with the Overseas’ Student
Union and give guidance to the 5 sabbatical Secretary, Women’s, Post-Graduate and
officers. There are loads of different posi- Mature Students’ Officers to monitor cor-
tions on “Exec”, from Environmental rect representation and advise on policy.
Officer to Stage Manager, and we all meet Ideal for someone who enjoys a bit of cam-
once a fortnight to discuss issues, prioritise paigning!
Union business and have a drink. There are
a few vacant Exec positions remaining. Women’s Officer
There’s something for everyone, and it’s
Protects Women’s interests at University, in
darn good for your CV. If you’re success-
terms of childcare, welfare, education and
fully elected onto Exec, then you can also
safety. Liaise with national women’s
take part in an accreditation scheme, equiv-
organisations on matters of concern, and
alent to 2 credits at NVQ level 4 - well
report back to exec and Student Council.
worth having. It’s run by the Skills
Development programme, in conjunction Returning Officer and 2 deputies
with the Surrey Open College Federation,
Jointly responsible for making sure all the
and involves keeping records of what you elections for the sabbatical officers and any
do during your elected time, and giving a
referendums, go smoothly (??). Good for
short presentation at the end of the year. you if you like organising, and have some
ideas for this year’s elections. Don’t forget
The vacant positions are: it’s also an NUS referendum year this time!
General Secretary Technology Officer
Helps out the Union Chairperson with the Responsible for ensuring the Union uses
Student Council meetings; assists the technology effectively, maintaining and
Internal Affairs officer sort out and manage updating the Union web page, investigating
all the clubs and societies and gets new forms of technology and reporting
involved with External Affairs such as back to the Student Council and Exec.
NUS liaison, Community action, etc.
Helps if you’re good at writing and word- If you want more advise or information
ing, as you’ll have to do minutes, agendas, about any of these positions, please see any
etc. of the Union or sabbatical officers.
Nomination forms are available from the
Equal Opportunities Officer presidents’ office, and nominations stay
Ensures that the equal opp’s policy is open until the post has been filled. See
upheld - race, sex, age, sexual orientation, you at Student Council in Week 5!
Skills Development Programme
Are you interested in a future career in training or personnel? Like to find
out the basics in training others? A new workshop in “A Beginners Guide to
Training” is taking place on Wednesday 7 October between 2pm and 4pm. This
will cover areas like the training environment, being welcoming, awareness
of others and others which would be a useful first step for those interested
in leading future workshops or for society committee members.
Also, don’t forget the “Presentations for the Petrified” workshop taking
place on Friday 2 October (12 noon - 2pm) for those needing confidence or
additional support in giving presentations.
For more info or to sign up for these or any of the Skills Development
workshops, contact Rodney Bates by e-mail (R.Bates@surrey.ac.uk) or call
ext. 3177. Alternatively, you can leave a note in the Skills Development
pigeon-hole in the Union.
Games Review - Ground Zero
Ground Zero is the second mission pack improved medic and an all new Carrier.
for Quake 2. After being out in the USA Weapons have also been added, giving you
for two weeks, the British games-playing that old Doom favourite - the Chainsaw!
public finally got their hands on it on The Prox Launcher allows you to place
Friday. Was it worth the wait? Well, yes proximity mines on walls, floors or ceiling,
and no. giving ingenious trap potential. Powerups
Ground Zero follows on from the storyline have also been included, although some of
in the original game. In this scenario, how- them are specifically designed for death-
ever, you have to take out a different set of match use. Features like the Hunter
targets in underground Stroggos. The game Sphere, which will surprisingly enough
is full of cut-scenes to fill you in on the hunt anyone who kills you, make multi-
way, and the Communicator that you carry player games much more fun by introduc-
brings you up-to date as the missions ing a bit of irony and vindictiveness.
develop. Single player missions are One thing that does let Ground Zero down
colourfully laid out, and have a polished is the design of the multiplayer levels.
feel to them. The enemies are well animat- They are basically too large and complex
ed, and the artificial intelligence has been to be any fun unless you have 10 or more
improved from the original. You now have people playing. They also have the same
to make sure you keep an eye open, as they basic feel with little variation, something
can now use lifts, doors and other moving that disappointed me intensely.
platforms. New enemies have been added, Some new toys have been thrown in, but
including a spider-like stalker that can there is not enough difference between this
walk on any surface. There is almost some- and the original Quake 2 to warrant
thing hypnotic about the way it moves shelling out for another.
towards you. Others include turrets, an Grade: B+ Marker: Gareth Harmer
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:23 Page 4 (1,1)

4 What’s been going on? Thursday 1st October 1998 n

They think it’s all over - it is now! Fresher’s Week Review

What a week! Now, I’ve been to a fair few
Freshers events, but this year has seen the
biggest and best welcome new Surrey stu-
dents have ever had. There aren’t many
Unions who can get 130 eager Intro Week
helpers without too much bribery.
Congratulations and a huge thank you to all
the Helpers - we love you all and couldn’t
have done it without you!
Moving-in day was blessed with the best
sunshiny day of September, making it a
great day. The days of the Red Bus Boys
may be numbered, but they will remain in
our hearts for ever! The first night in the
Union for our new students was, er, busy!
Sorry to everyone who had to wait for ages
for a beer - funnily enough, not many stu-
dents wanted to work on Fresher’s Night,
though I can’t think why?? The Vice-
Chancellor and I did our best to bore you on
Monday at the Union reception, but at least
you got free orange juice. Actually, it was a
good job there wasn’t any free alcohol, as
you all went for it big style at the Happy
Hour and RAG free disco.
I got interviewed by Meridian TV on
Tuesday morning - something about
“Students and Drinking” and, of course,
Tuition Fees. I handled the Fees questions
OK, but struggled to say anything sensible
about alcohol abuse! Thanks to the students
in Twyford Court, House D (you know who
you are!), who agreed to be filmed in their
kitchen that day and on the Club Crawl on
Wednesday. Incidentally, I forgot to video
it, from 6-7pm last Friday. If anyone’s fam-
ily live in the Meridian TV area and have a
habit of videoing the end of week round-up,
please could they let me know? There was
also the live music event, Unplugged, fea-
turing Housewife and Keith Donnelly on the
main Union stage. Keith, a long standing
friend of the Union, entertained an enthusi-
astic crowd with his musical humour and
Housewife, finalists in last years’ Talent
Competition, went down a storm. Watch
out for them throughout the year.
More Union lecturing on Wednesday, with
14 Student Life talks being given at the
same time, in different places, by 10 peo-
ple?? I never quite worked that out, but Gill
worked miracles that day. Thanks to every-
one who helped with them all. So I take it
you liked Silly Night! The helpers were a
little worried when 500 Freshers all assem-
bled for the Club Crawl, and judging by the
state of some of them the next morning, you
did well!
Thursday - the departments turn and our
chance for a breather. The first Student
Council meeting took place at lunch-time
(watch out for minutes on the main notice
board in the Union soon), as well as it being
a really busy day for all the market traders -
Posters, CD’s, Fruit and Veg and white ele-
phant. While the Pool Competition and
Fresher’s SIS event got under way in the
Union, we went over to the University Hall
to an evening reception to welcome new
International students. It was nice to meet
so many people that day, and I hope you all
managed to get on camera somehow!
Friday was officially the biggest and busiest
Fresher’s Festival ever. We had a hectic
morning setting up before the doors opened
at 11am. Loads of societies, trade stalls,
freebies, interests and activities all pulled
together to make it a really special day,
including my Jumble Sale in aid of Welfare.
I made £100 during the day, so thanks for
spending your money on such a good cause,
and a big thank you to Crew, who helped me
set up and run the stall all day. A small,
exhausted but dedicated team of helpers
cleared up the chaos left by the Fayre, in
time for Friday Night Out, featuring Johnny
Boy Revel, (and was it Alan Roy’s Wheels
of Steel?), which I am still recovering from.
I’m about to pop an Anadin ready for
tonight - the first night of the new club night
on Saturdays in your Union - TONIQ. I
hope everyone enjoys their Kronenberg for
£1.25 before 10:30 pm, and Ultra Nate, who
will be live on stage later in the evening. I
have also been madly singing along to all
the Electrasy tunes I hear on the radio in
preparation for Sunday Night Live.
Thanks again to EVERYONE who helped
with Fresher’s Week. I think we can all be
very proud and collapse with exhaustion
now. We’ve done enough welcoming - it’s
up to you now! Good luck, happy days - be
safe, be careful, have fun. Work hard, play
even harder and make the most of life at
Surrey, coz it’s great!
Harriet Sims
President

Union Club Entry Policy

1 All members must show their campus card to gain access after 7pm. Members
without their card will not be permitted entry.

2 Full members may sign in 2 guests. This may be done by:

Mon - Thurs 10.30 pm
Fri 7pm
Sat 10 pm
Sun 10 pm
Members of the Students Union may NOT be signed in as guests.

3.NUS card holders may sign themselves in at any time unless specific restrictions
are in place. a UOS NUS card is not acceptable.

4.Guests for FNO must be in possession of a valid guest ticket which may be pur-
chased up until 7pm. This guest ticket may be exchanged for a guest ticket for
another event if unused. This ticket is not redeemable for cash.

5 Telephone signing in is NOT permitted except for industrial year students & life
members.
Evidence of this status will be required on entry.
R.O.A.R. The management reserve the right of admission without giving a reason.
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:23 Page 5 (1,1)

Thursday1st October 1998 n Features 5

SEMISONIC have one outstanding song, 'Small Snow Patrol

The Getaway People
Eve 6
London 100 Club 17-9-98
Three major labels take their latest so-
called "alternative" acts and generous-
ly present them all on one bill. First up
are Sony's The Getaway People.
Named after a tag line from a BP
advert, The Getaway People hail from
Norway and have a pretty light hearted
approach to their show. Unfortunately,
their blend of the Stereo MCs and
Beck fails to satisfy. Only the forth-
coming single, 'She Gave Me Love', is
of real interest, definitely catchy and
should go down well on the radio.
The evening ends with Eve 6. I only
hope that RCA don't have too much
invested in this band, as they also only
Town Tribe'. Otherwise, their bass
heavy punk-edged rock is unspectacu-
lar.
Sandwiched between these two bands
is Semisonic, they have broken
through big time this summer in the
U.S. thanks to the radio play of their
new single 'Closing Time'. Semisonic
are a weird combination, part mid-
western rock and part quirky new
wave pop, a guitar, bass and drums
three piece who all sing and play key-
boards. Dan Wilson's voice has hints
of Todd Rundgren and Michael Stipe,
and the music draws its influence from
the Replacements, Prince, REM and
Duran Duran amongst others. Unlike
the other bands on this bill, however,
Semisonic are not a one song band.
They may have made their name with
'Closing Time', but Semisonic's set
was full of catchy pop songs, which
should see them being around for a
while yet. A good thing. Rob Winder
Aldershot West End Centre - 19/9/98
The world of Snow Patrol, apart from Polar Bears, is inhab-
ited with a good humoured tundral outlook on the inade-
qauicies of modern society and the emotional trauma it can
bring, as well as some of its more amusing moments. For
example, the sublime 'One Hundred Things You Should
Have Done In Bed', borrowing much from Sebadoh, dis-
cusses the problems of entrapment by a nymphomaniac.
Snow Patrol are better tonight than they would have you
think. Singer Gary Lightbody derides himself frequently,
yet his satorial, dark humour is nonetheless razor sharp and
the charged punk guitar playing yields a more urgent
grunge rock sound to supplant the lo-fi of the LP.
'Starfighter Pilot', a homage to hero worship, is the sweet-
est of songs, 'Absolute Gravity' is a jazzed up funk foray
and 'Days Without Paracetemol', tonight, is beautifully
riotous, fuzzing, reckless and desperate - Lightbody spew-
ing out "build it up, tear it down" like passion was going
out of fashion. Inspiring in an uninspiring world.
Daniel Jones.

Llama Farmers/Gel/Pimlico/Dogeared David Devant/Marbaker, Union House 20/9/98

Plastic People, Oxford Street - 19/9/98 This is the third year run-
The first night for this “Bratpop” (copyright Melody Maker ‘98) presented four teen bands ning that David Devant
in under two hours. The “stage” was non-existent with the bands sharing floor space with have played at the union.
the audience, separated only by the monitors. First band, Dogeared, summarised them- This means a lot of people
selves nicely by announcing one of their songs as “unoriginal but damn good anyway”. will have seen them before,
Fair to middling indie rock similar to 60ft Dolls. Pimlico, promoting their current single, especially second years as
“Elvis We Love You”, did the female fronted power pop thing well, going so far as to have they played the night fresh-
a flute guest on one song. Gel were playing their final gig before embarking on a U.K tour ers arrived last year as well
with Republica. Punky boy pop in the style of Symposium went down well with the audi- which meant a packed
ence, some moshing right into the band! The Llama Farmers have just been signed off the night. Everyone was
back of an intense press campaign, mainly on their age and ability to emulate Bush. The expecting the stage theatrics
intimate setting (Plastic People barely holds 150) made for most of the venue becoming a and great singles released
danger zone whenever they launched into one of their more energetic songs. Bigger venues off the first album.
beckon for the main two acts tonight, a final chance to see them without barriers and secu- However, first there was a
rity. Andrew Thomas support band called
Marbaker. To say Marbaker
were awful would probably
be going too far, however
they have a tendency to play
the slow guitar rock. This
meant they stood on stage
plugging out their songs
without much energy. That
was until they came up with
long tedious instrumentals,
which didn't liven thing up
despite been loud and up
beat. They sounded like
they were covering other
bands slow and boring
songs, and if that was not
dull enough, adding an
instrumental in the middle.
They weren't truly appaling,
but when the best thing
about a band is that the
drummer's female, you
know they just aren’t play-
ing great tunes. When
David Devant, photograph by Andrew Thomas David Devant came on the
first shock for anyone who's
seen them before is that
Vessel wasn't wearing his
quiff but instead was show-
ing his own short brown
hair. They immediately
launched into a new song
called 'You Are Here',
which was definitely one of
their more catchy new ones.
David Devant have changed
in the last year with no more
stage theatrics with Ice Man
and Cocky Young 'Un , now
we have to be satisfied with
the projectors (still a good
idea) and live photocopying
(that probably sounds very
odd but they were doing it
onto transparencies which
were then displayed). They
played a set of almost com-
pletely new songs with only
four recognisable. These
were 'Gentleman Jim' (still
superbly rocky for them),
'Cookie’ and then
‘Miscellaneous' in the main
set. All the way through the
main set a cry of "Ginger"
had gone up from part of the
audience who actually knew
who David Devant are.
When they went off after
the main set a shout of
'Ginger' continued before
being replaced by the clas-
sic call for an encore with
them of "Auntie Mable" .
The band came back on
with Vessel complementing
the crowd on a great call for
an encore. They then
launched in to their standard
first encore song of 'I'm Not
Even Going To Try', which
whilst on the album, this
was a new version which
didn't rely on audience par-
ticipation like the old ver-
sion - which was a disap-
pointment as the audience
was in fine lung that
evening. After that the band
went off and the house
lights went up. David
Devant last year really were
an excellent live band with
their on stage stunts which
meant even if you didn't like
the music you could watch
and appreciate on stage
entertainment. The new
songs are also less poppy
and catchy than the old
ones, which meant no more
singing the songs back at
the band. However David
Devant had to change, after
all they have to get a new
record contract, and whilst
this was rather disappoint-
ing for David Devant, if it
were any other band it
would have been an
astounding show.
Ian Purvey
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:23 Page 6 (1,1)
6 Music
SINGLES
MARK LANEGAN - Stay (Beggars Banquet)
A melancholy, yet beautiful, lament from “the voice of
the Screaming Trees”. Far removed from the work of
his day job, this makes Leonard Cohen sound positive-
ly cheerful. 8/10 R.W.
CAFFEINE - Kill The Brave (Fluffy Freako
Records)
Get ready for bright fast punk and a tune you’ll be hum-
ming for the next few weeks. Proof that you can get
addicted to caffeine!! 8/10 E.C
ARNOLD - Windsor Park (Creation)
Mimicking The (over-rated) Verve, at times, this light
indie-pop tune, at first listen, is not unlike many others
today. However, an essence of country, and a very
Byrds-esque (Teenage Fanclub attempt) b-side, add a
lot to Creation’s 300th single. 7/10 JRH
MISS JONES - 2 Way Street (A&M)
‘2 Way Street’ is a R&B / Hiphop release which is actu-
ally quite good. Miss Jones is a fresh new talent and
could find herself in the main stream charts in the near
future. This is a good single, if you like this style of
song you should check it out. 6/10 G.D.
ICU - Chotto Matte A MOMENT! (K Records)
The press release says “ Standard foundations of jazz
collide with pop music, dancing blissfully in a heady
fog of obscure scratched samples and trippy swirls of
sound”... which put shortly means that if havent drunk
a bottle of whiskey or smoked your way through a few
joints, you will not enjoy this. Very weird. G.C. 6/10
ALBUMS
BUFFALO TOM - Smitten (Beggars Banquet)
Buffalo Tom, a relatively unknown band in Britain,
remain one of the most inspiring and talented bands of
the 90s. The first thing that stricked me from this album
is that the use of keyboards, before a mere accompany-
ing instrument to back the guitars, has now taken a cen-
tral role. The key elements, however, remain
unchanged: the lyrics are as beautiful as ever, the
singers voice a flow of engulfing warmth, and the har-
monies as ingeniously and effectively put together as
they have been throughout the bands 5 previous
albums. G.C 8/10
AFRICAN HEAD CHARGE – ‘Drums Of
Defiance’ (On U Sound)
‘Drums Of Defiance’ is a great name but the sounds
produced by ‘African Head Charge’ really defy
description. Hidden in amongst this collection of
sounds are the techno rhythms of mild dance music,
inquisitive computer generated squeals alongside more
traditional drums and, in deference to the band name
perhaps, zulu tribal singing during ‘Hot Pursuit’. Even
rap has a place here. The band has some great ideas but
the overall impression is merely average. 5/10 G.T.
MONO - Formica Blues (Echo)
If you ever wondered what Dubstar would sound like
with a bit of style, or Saint Etienne with tunes, then
Mono are a good idea of what you would get. The sin-
gle off this album ‘Life In Mono’ sounds like a 60’s
Parisian chanteuse, over latter day breakbeats. Another
classic pop song, the track ‘Slimcea Girl’ sounds like
an up to date retake on Burt Bacharach. If your lucky
you should get the limited edition two CD version with
cool remixes by The Aloof and Propellerheads amongst
others. A very good album. 8/10 N.W
DEPECHE MODE The Singles 86>98 (Mute)
Well, there’s two things that Basildon is famous for
1)Denise Van Outen, the blonde bombshell and 2)
Depeche Mode from the electronic goth/rock stardom.
This collection of singles is the follow on from the sin-
gles 81-85 and reaquaints us to the past and present
glory days of Martin Gore’s strange, erotic lyrics and
Dave Gahan’s harrowing vocals. Earlier tracks like
‘stripped’ & ‘Personal Jesus’ earned them their gothic
tinge , yet they also fall in the rock stardom genre with
tracks like ‘I feel you’ from the album ‘Songs of Faith
and Devotion’ It also includes a single which was only
released in France in 1988 called ‘Little 15’ which is a
beautifully carved precious gem. So all in all Praise the
Lord. 8/10 K.M
YOSHINORI SUNAHARA - Take Off And Landing
(Bungalow)
This, rather strange, futuristic, album focuses around
the concept of the ‘Tokyo Underground Airport’, that
only the Japanese could come up with. Full of odd-
sounding airport monologues and computerised
sequences, this has a very ambient air about it. Trip-hop
beats, synthesizers, steel drums, and samples galore,
WHISTLER - If I Give You A Smile (Wiiija
Records)
The initial vocals just talk in time with the music, mak-
ing most of the song seem like a long and dull intro.
This will eventually build up to something resemblng
singing, but it just doesn’t go anywhere. 5/10 E.C.
There’s one heck of a lot of singles that seriously suck
this week!
SOUND 5 - Heavy Transit (Gut)
Laid-back hip-hop with a “boy-band” style. Starts
brightly but by the end it is dragging and repetitive. Not
what is wanted. 4/10 R.W.
SHAQUILLE O’NEAL - The Way It’s Goin’ Down
(A&M)
This American Basket Ball Star gives us his attempt at
trying to release a single. His popularity may have an
influence in America, but I don’t really think that it is
going to work over here. I wouldn’t suggest that anyone
buys this single unless they are a big Shaquille O’Neal
fan. 3/10 G.D.
3 PHASE - Snafu Sessions (Novamute)
3 Phase is actually Sven Rohrig, who has been tucked
away in his Berlin bunker ever since he last released a
record, back during the time Maggie T was still PM.
He is best known for his idiosyncratic techno tracks,
which is what this is all about too, tape loops.
this is electronic music of the next century. Top tunes
are probably, the delicious, ‘Sun Song ‘80’, and, the
space-age, ‘Journey Beyond The Stars’, both complete
with underlying synth and orchestral melodies, topped
with loops, grooves, and all kinds of odds and ends.
Totally unique, calling it dance music would be an
injustice, and, although it may annoy you at times, this
album is a ground-breaking and soothing experience.
8/10 JRH
MANSUN - Six (EMI)
This, the long-awaited follow-up to ‘Attack of the Grey
Lantern’ has been accorded rave reviews and compared
to ‘OK Computer’ in the album of the year’ stakes. The
first bit’s hype, but the second bit is true. ‘OK
Computer’ wasn’t such a great album anyway (unless
you have that frame of mind). This is also, while a good
album, not a great one. Some good tracks, incorporat-
ing the National Anthem and ‘Dance of the Sugar Plum
Fairy’ but also some...not-so-good tracks. Maybe it’ll
grow on me. 7/10 MdL
P J HARVEY - Is This Desire (Island)
The fifth lp from Ms Harvey finds her in her usual som-
bre mood. Starting with the whispering tones of
‘Angelene’ the dark side continues throughout. Current
single ‘A Perfect Day Elise’ adds a certain catchy qual-
ity into the bargain but for the most there is very little
as immediate. Synths and drum machines at least pull
this away from her previous outing but as a whole this
can only be for fans. 6/10 A.T.
MOLOKO-I’m Not A Doctor(Revolution)
A second and more assured album from this Sheffield
twosome. Drum ‘n’ bass roots are still obvious, but
they have moved on to something that could perhaps
best be described as a more urgent and altogether more
chunky Portishead. Not that the two could be confused-
even though the female vocalist does a marvellous Beth
Gibbons this is not kept up throughout. Some tracks,
such as “Downsized” sound much more soulful, and
could be taken away from the heavy beat that surrounds
it and be transformed into a convincing ballad. By the
middle of the album and “Sorry”, you begin to wonder
where the band that opened the album with the standout
track “The Flipside” have gone. Human League influ-
ences are fine, but here they sound out of place.
Ultimately, they don’t sound too sure of which direc-
tion they are going. I personally hope it is the way of
“The Flipside”. 6/10 M.A.
SHERYL CROW - The Globe Sessions (A&M)
Kicking off with recent single ‘My Favourite Mistake’
Sheryl shows that she may now be three albums old but
little has changed. Good ol’ coutry ye-ha’s come in the
form of tunes like ‘There Goes The Neighbourhood’.
The overall feel though is generally likeable so long as
you don’t concentrate too hard on the lyrics and ignore
the incidental brass. Expect at least five singles off this
one. 6/10 A.T.
HINDA HICKS - Hinda ( Island Records)
The real, one and only sound of swingy fashionable
RnB. This is no doubt an albulm made to sell, shes sexy
and funky and her music resembles the little miss Mary
Thursday 1st October 1998 n
BACKYARD BABIES -
Highlights
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
(Coalition
Records)
Following their Reading
appearance and prior to a
UK tour, the Backyard
Babies have a new release
from their “Total 13”
album. The song
“Highlights” is a fast
paced, hard rock dose of
guitars and attitude packed
lyrics, with tons of energy
& adrenaline. Good stuff
from a very promising
band. 8/10 P.L.
Unfortunately he still thinks that this is cutting edge Sony for more homogenous shit. 2/10 D.J.
and has not understood that too much of it gets very
boring. Never mind. 3 / 10 M.D. THE GETAWAY PEOPLE - She Gave Me Love
(Colombia)
THE ALOOF - You’ve Just Been Spangled! You might be mistaken for confusing this for real root-
(Eastwest) sy soul rather than an abomination devoid of any tune
These guys have been around for a while and in an created by the devil himself who apparently has no
industry where so much talent never gets the fame they soul. 2/10 D.J.
deserve its not surprising to see Aloof have not made it.
To me it sounds out of date, slow , narcotic and biz-
This weeks reviews by:
zarre. Apparently its a mix of hip hop and hip replace-
ment op ? 3/10 C.H. Denise Nicolson, Ian Purvey, Frank Fraulo, Nick
Walsh, Emma Clark, Andrew Thomas, Mario Dias,
FLICK - Freezer Burnt (Colombia) Gemma Decent, Georgina Tarrant, Rob Winder,
Fuzzed up funk rock illustrating everything that is Gabriel-Oliver Chanero, James Hemingway, and
wrong with music at the moment. Imagination here is Daniel Jones, Paul Leaves, Matthew Anderson
replaced it seems by the desires of a major label such as
J Blige and the likes of recent comercial rn’b stars. head hurting cocophany of beats, fill’s, and inspira-
Features her hit single “I wanna be your Lady “I rec-
ommend it to anyone who likes chart r n’b. 6/10 C.H.
THE LAPSE - Betrayal! (Gern Blandsten)
tional lyrics - “The Freaks Come Out...The Freak etc..”,
that ought to extremely well at the clubs. And unfortu-
nately it’s also quite catchy. I’ll gives this a 5 out
of 10, just for the great fun you can have playing it
The Lapse is formed from half of the acclaimed band quite loud, while you’re neighbours tripping out of his
The Van Pelt, although most of the tracks on this album head! (hee hee). 5/10 M.E.L
have quite a different feel to The Van Pelt’s first two.
First impressions of the album are good with catchy MINERAL-End Serenading(Crank!)
guitar riffs and a strong drum beat. However, once the Well, first prize for the longest intros track by track. In
lyrics kick in it is a bit of a disappointment, with most fact, the whole of the first song sounds like one big
of the songs being spoken rather than sang over the intro to the second. As both are in the same key and
music. Whilst the lyrics are all very deep and meaning- have almost identical guitar riffs throughout, this could
ful, I found it very hard to get into. This album does perhaps be the point. But it doesn’t quite fit, they are
have its highlights however, namely “Mentabolism” just different enough to make it all sound like a terrible
and “This Is Not The Pure Aesthetic”, with its rather mistake. And when you’ve heard the rest of the album,
disturbing lyrics belying its mellow sound. This is not you realise that that is the theme for all of it. The music
a bad album, but probably takes quite a lot to fully get is basic at the best of times with no feeling that the band
into it and appreciate the lyrical content. 5/10 P.L. members are aware of each other at all, and the vocal-
ist wails like a man unsure of whether he is in the right
VARIOUS *KRANKY* ARTISTS - Kompilation job. But hang on. Maybe that’s the whole point, maybe
(Kranky) beneath the sheer tedium of this record there is a really
Well you shouldn’t really be able to complain, getting a deep message. Then again, maybe not. 3/10 M.A.
70 minute CD crammed full of new sounds for the price
of a CD single. But, there’s always a but. These ‘new TRUMANS WATER Fragments Of A Lucky Break
sounds’ are some of the most bizarre I’ve heard since (Emperor Jones)
mistakenly buying Daisy Chainsaw’s ‘Eleventeen’. Experimental may be one word to describe their music
And as always, there are a couple of well-disguised but I would personally call it a mish mash of sound.
gems sitting here. Feeling daring with a couple of quid? Instruements out of tuned, off key vocals (called spat
You might as well buy this, I suppose. 5/10 MdL vocals in the press release) and lyrics that make the
insane cringe. And supposedly this is their third album,
Cevin Fisher - The Freaks Come Out (Ministry of yikes i hate to think what their first was like. Anyway
Sound) for innovation 3/10K.M
Well what can be said about this than mind numbing,
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
CADALLACA -
Introducing
Cadallaca (K)
The first thing that
strikes you is the
basic quality of the
recording. The bare
feeling is compensat-
ed more than ade-
quately by the vocals
of Corin Tucker (also
of post-riot grrrls
Sleater Kinney).
Folky punk lo-fi soul
may not sound like an
ideal combination but
after listening to
songs like ‘Your One
Wish’ and the Moog
powered ‘June and
July’ it gets hard to
dislike them. A
refreshing burst of
American based orig-
inality which is rarely
seen here. 9/10 A.T.
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:24 Page 7 (1,1)
n Thursday 1st October 1998
19.30 TOTP
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday
2nd
18.00 The Simpsons
21.30 Game On
18.00 TFI Friday
21.00 Friends
23.35 Southpark
21.25 X-Files
20.55 Airport
3rd
20.55 Evel (Knieval)
22.30 Simpsons
14.45 Airwolf
20.55 Londons Burning
18.45 Star Trek Voyager
22.00 Maximum Bob
4th
15.35 Film:
Ceaser & Cleopatra
22.00 Good Morning Vietnam
00.15 Ultraviolet
20.00 Eastenders
23.35 Chicago Hope
5th
18.00 The Simpsons
21.00 Shooting Stars
21.30 Red Dwarf
20.30 Fat
21.00 Liverpool 1
20.00 Upper Crust
6th
20.00 The Bill
21.00 Supply & Demand
21.00 Equinox
22.00 Ultraviolet
19.30 Tomorrow’s World
21.30 Men Behaving Badly
20.30 Two Fat Ladies
7th
23.10 The Diary of Jack the
Ripper
22.00 Ally McBeal
19.30 Eastenders
22.20 Clive Anderson All Talk TREMOR CONTROL - London
8th
21.00 Third rock from the
Sun
21.25 Horizon
18.00 Harry Hill
21.00 Film: Forget Paris
19.50 Fawlty Towers
21.30 Dangerfield
9th
18.00 The Simpsons
18.25 Ready Steady Cook
21.00 Game On
21.00 Friends
12.15 Grandstand
19.40 The National Lottery
10th
14.45 Airwolf
17.40 Gladiators
20.05 Xena: Warrior
Princess
Entertainments Guide 7
GIG GUIDE
It is always advisable to confirm with the
venue before travelling. Cineline - (01483) 578017
From Friday 2nd Oct to
Thursday 8th Oct 1998
HAZEL WINTER - London Upstairs At
The Garage 0181 963 0940 Fri & Sat (2nd/3rd)
FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS - Portsmouth
Guildhall 01705 824355
There’s Something about Mary
ULTRAVIOLENCE, GENERATION X-ED 13.10 16.00 18.50 21.40
- London Garage 0181 963 0940 Lethal Weapon 4
12.15 15.15 18.10 21.05
Divorcing Jack
13.00 15.45 18.30 21.10
FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS - London
Saving Private Ryan
Brixton Academy 12.35 13.30 16.10 17.10 19.50 20.50
SPARKLE HORSE, NEUTRAL MILK
Armageddon
HOTEL - London Shepherds Bush
Empire 0171 721 2000
20.50
VYVYAN, U-BOAT COMMANDER, The Horse Whisperer
CHEETARAH - London Plastic People 12.20
(Oxford St.) The Land Girls
15.55 18.25
IN Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
YOUR
UNION
Beverley Knight 13.15 (fri only)16.40 19.20 22.00
Mercury Rising
13.45 16.20 19.00 21.35
DIVINE COMEDY - London Shepherds Bush
Last Days of Disco
Empire 0171 721 2000
FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS - London Brixton 14.20 16.40 19.15 21.50
Academy
SPARKLEHORSE, NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL -
Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms 01705 863911 Sun - Thurs (4th-8th)
There’s Something about Mary
12.25 15.05 17.50 20.40
Divorcing Jack
COLOURSOUND - London Camden 12.30 15.15 17.55 20.35
Barfly Mercury Rising
12.05(not on Sun) 14.30 17.10 19.50
Lethal Weapon 4
12.15 15.00 17.45 20.30
The Horse Whisperer (3h&10-mins)
12.05
Saving Private Ryan
THEAUDIENCE - Portsmouth 12.10 12.40 15.45 16.10 19.20 19.45
Wedgewood Rooms 01705 863911 Armageddon
BEATMOLLS, CAY - London Garage 20.05
0181 963 0940 Dr Doolittle
ONE MINUTE SILENCE, STIMULA- 12.05 14.00 (Sun only)
TOR - Reading After Dark The Land Girls
15.2517.45
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
BAUHAUS - London Brixton Academy 13.00(not on Sun) 15.55 18.20 20.50
GORKYS ZYGOTIC MYNCI, OLIVIA Lost in Space
TREMOR CONTROL - Portsmouth 12.00(Sun only)
Wedgewood Rooms 01705 863911
MOJAVE 3, COLEY PARK - Reading
After Dark
THEAUDIENCE - London Electric
Ballroom
GORKYS ZYGOTIC MYNCI, OLIVIA
Electric Ballroom We will be showing the excellent Jackie
HURRICANE #1 - Portsmouth Brown on Sunday 4th and Monday 5th of
October. Quentin Tarantino is back with
Wedgewood Rooms 01705 863911
the fab and funky crime thriller Jackie
RED SNAPPER - London Astoria Brown. With an all star cast including
0171 434 0403 Pam Grier,Samuel L Jackson and Rober
De Niro to name but a few, this has to be
one of the best films around at the
GIG ROCKET FROM THE CRYPT, BIS, moment. Jackie Brown (Grier) is a forty
OF THE YOU AM I - London Shepherds something air stewardess who, aware of
WEEK Bush Empire 0171 721 2000
the lack of job prospects decides to sup-
plement her income by smuggling cash
JESUS LIZARD, PULKAS - London across the Mexican border for gunrunner
Garage 0181 963 0940 Ordell (Jackson). She is soon caught red
KENT - London Camden Monarch handed and in an attempt to cling onto her
own existence and to make a bob or two in
the process, agrees to help the Feds catch
Ordell. Another fantastic performance
from Tarantino and a must see movie with
BOOM BOOM SATELLITES, INDI- the best quote being: Ordell - “geez girl
AN ROPEMAN - Reading Face Bar
you getting high already, it’s just 2
JESUS LIZARD, PULKAS - London o’clock.You smoke too much of that shit,
Garage 0181 963 0940 it’s gonna rob you of your ambition”
PLACEBO, ULTRASOUND - Melanie - “not if your ambition is to get
Reading University 0118 9860222 high and watch TV.”
Showing at 5pm and 8pm on Sunday and
at 8pm on Monday.
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:24 Page 8 (1,1)
8 Features
1998: The Year of Designer Pills.
As reported in Bare Facts last week, the
Royal Society of Medicine launched
“Xenical”, the mythical cure all: an anti-
obesity tablet. It bears all the hallmarks of
Slimfast (“Watch the weight drop off” pro-
claimed one of the test subjects). And retail-
ing at £1-50 (upon prescription), it is cheap-
er that a pint down the Union, and not a beer
gut in sight.
At first, this might seem like a dream come
true for those with “fuller” figures. At last,
you can get rid of excess baggage without
making sacrifices and become a babe/boy-
magnet (depending on your preferences).
However, the side-effects are still unknown.
So before you rush to the Health Centre,
why not try the tried-and-tested methods
available on campus.
First up, dieting. It’s obvious, boring and
was the easiest way to get thin. Eat less, no
problem. Of course, to avoid being tempted,
you would have to spend the unused money
on other products - beer, books, clothes, etc.
The human body, like those of other ani-
mals, operates on instinct. Therefore, it is
more natural to eat when hungry rather than
at set times. Obviously, this can be inconve-
nient and/or impossible at times, unless you
fancy nibbling on the ear of the girl/guy
next to you in the lecture, or licking it out in
desperation.
According to a Campusport official, it is far
better to have small portions often rather
than bingeing. In that way, the body’s
metabolism is continually working hence
the food is digested quicker. This also
explains why breakfast is the most impor-
tant meal of the day. The body needs to get
into the daily rhythm, after a good night’s
sleep (sleep, interesting concept that). “One
should eat breakfast like a king, dinner like
a prince and supper like a pauper.”
Mmmm. This dieting stuff sounds good.
One could have breakfast of bacon, sausage,
beans, hash browns or sautéed potatoes, and
tea or coffee for £1-25 at the Lower Bar, and
save the Cornflakes and/or toast for the
evening.
Off course, eating less will not lead to a
drastic weight loss on its own.
Unfortunately, all that stored energy has to
be expended, hence the need for physical
exercise (cue cold sweat).
Campusport recommends exercising 1-3
times a week on a combination of activities,
rather than specialising in just one like run-
ning or swimming or squash. For example,
while running is effective for the more-or-
less fit, larger figures could lead to
increased stress on the knees and legs.
Circuit training is good because every mus-
cle in the body is used.
Campusport offers a range of exercise facil-
ities and more information and advice is
available from the staff.
For those not partial to masochism, there are
other ways. Going anywhere on campus for
a start. It is built on a hill, there is not a sin-
gle lift in sight (except Senate House) and
every route from A to B involves at least
one flight of steps or gradient.
There is always Bojanglez (student night,
Wednesday). Nightclubs must have started
as a self-help group for the fat people. Songs
like ‘Don’t give up’ (Michelle Weeks),
‘Can’t help myself’ (Lucid) and ‘Encore
Une Fois’ (Sash) were surely written for
Generation-F (for flab).
It has been scientifically proven sex helps
you get slim and fit. A half hour shag can
burn up to 200 calories (depending on how
vigorous it is).
By now, you are probably getting desperate.
Fortunately, the last method to lose weight
may be more attractive. However if you
drink as much alcohol as you can to the
point of throwing up, you must be willing
to trade excess baggage for hangovers from
hell, failed kidney and cirrhosis of the liver.
Maybe Xenical is not such a bad idea, after
all. Pravin Jeyaraj
Thursday1st October 1998 n
Nick Walsh sheds new light on what Clinton has done
Even before the election in November 1996
everyone knew that President Clinton was a
southern states Don Juan. This article seeks
to put some perspective on how Clintons
crimes, which may well lead to impeach-
ment appear, when compared with the
actions of previous Presidents. In his term
and a half in power Clinton has done some
good including putting his weight behind
the peace process in Northern Ireland, and
attempting to introduce universal health
care into America.
All this however is beside the point. The
Republicans want to get back into power
and are stirring up the issue by trying to
exaggerate irrelevant, non-political issues
such as many of those contained in the
porn Starr report. It seems this does not
bother the American public as the
Presidents rating actually went up two
points after publication.
The family values campaign with which the
Republicans are using to target Clinton
eventually backfired on them after former
lovers and their spouses actually came out
to spill the beans on Clintons accusers.
In the video of Clintons questioning there
was not one question about Whitewater,
Travelgate, Filegate, etc. (even though n
these were the reasons why the investigation
was instigated in the first place. Clinton
was made to look an idiot questioning the
interpretation of words and their meanings
i.e he didn’t really “touch” because Ms
Lewinsky had clothing over her breasts and
also it wasn’t sex because he didn’t “touch
her to arouse her”.
The whole mess needs to be seen looking
back over history to see what different pres-
idents have be up to. JFK had a mistress and
the press knew all about it, but decided to
stay out. Eisenhower was sleeping with his
secretary the whole time he was planning D-
Day.
From the Oval office, our man Eisenhower
approved the FBI’s campaign to harass
Martin Luther King and Kennedy ordered
Fidel Castros assassination. Johnson
approved lying to Congress about the North
Vietnamese attacking an American boat
(which led the Senate the next day to
approve the beginning of the Vietnam War).
The war had claimed over two million
Vietnamese lives when the US was forced to
withdraw in 1975.
Thousands of innocent civilians were killed
during the Nicaraguan conflict during the
Reagan era. The US invasion of Panama in
1989 involved 26,000 troops and cost
10,000 Panamanian lives. President Bush
ordered Young Americans to go and fight
and die in the Gulf War (partly their own
friendly fire caused this though).
By removing Clinton on these grounds, we
are saying that what other Presidents have
done in office is not anywhere as near as
immoral or illegal as what Clinton has done.
If this becomes the standard for impeach-
ment, a persons private sex life, then
America is truly a confused place to be.
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:24 Page 9 (1,1)

n Thursday1st October 1998 Notices & Personals 9

Personals ■Hello Angela, was

the car racing fun on
■ Genes - Bollocks,
you lazy git! E’s
McDonalds
■ Melly the Fish- Notices
■Zammo! Whats it deano, did you see Monica presented sunday? ■ Silky “chande- where are you Melly
Norwegian Society AGM - 30th September 18.00
all about? - Peenie the size of those Bill with a cigar ■Tequila Slammer liers” Kapor, your the Fish? We can’t
Kev?!? my Deliah love dear find you in your
Lecture Theatre B
Athletics assets? holder, for when she
■ Red Bus Boys ■First years - don’t couldn’t be there in ■Well done Kev for john Bowl?
hurling so well- ■Emma, 97% ??? ■ Shall We go to Iranian Society AGM - 30th September18.30 TB11
( S . U . R . F. C . ) 1 get Jellyfished! person...
Freshers 0 ■ Eli, is that more ■The colour bright red too!! Could he be bloke Cindies BIG
■ Becky Tutt just prawns, in your Turquoise will short- ■When I grow up, I number 5 ? What’ll STYLE! Unplugged Society AGM - 6th October 19.00 Helyn
slides on that dance bag?? ly be back in the want to be a chip- happen to the other 4 ■ Why is everyone Rose Bar
floor ■ Sarah, were you building... pendale!! ? so depressed, Neil Singapore Student Society AGM - 7th October 19.00
■ Shelagh...i saw out of the house, oh ■Hop-along Rabia!! ■ok its sad.and ■For hire: 4 unwant- ■BOB’s done it LTL
the flickering shad- sorry, wrong person You think that you’d we’re grownups... ed males, all house again, shagged us
ows of love on her ■big thanks to al learn after the first ■but DOMs - just a trained (usually), backwards, who
couple for old times one careful owner, cares, it’s only a
No Wave Society AGM - 15th October 19.30 Hari’s
bra! and the quite helpful time!! Bar
■ Jo Begum.....i claire-a.r ■Anyone for a game sake? SOBs contact Emma degree....then again
love you.... D Barn ■A weekend of bliss of sexual tetris? ■I only want a slice ■Big D, How many if we cry we get by!!
of pizza you people are you going ■ Addidas!! From Hellenic Society AGM - 13th October 18.10 LTL
(can you water me awaits! LN ■Back to ‘Les pied
now please!) ■Something Violet, grands’ for a chi- b*%£$*d!, to watch s***ging 24 Elections - 20th Oct 18.10 LTE
■ Jen, CONGRAT- Something Blue, Up nese! But she’ll have ■G £2 a song, this term. A better looking first
ULATIONS AND the Vineyard, Can to swap rooms with excellent value for ■7375- are you year but twice dappy Thursday 1st October - Welcome Party for
GOOD LUCK we come too?? ‘la poubelle’! money going to pull the Slimy Crocker’s International Students 19.30 at the Lakeside
■To my fellow strip- ■ Rufus and ■BP - Biker ■For sale:”R” reg cleaning ladies this back on form then
Resteraunt - please bring your invitation with you.
pers, get in contact Linebird - Get Persecutor green fiesta, good year? WG ■ Cheeky tall dar
Invitations are available from the Chaplains Office.
about T.F.I, me61lg Polishing those ■Ben, sam wants to condition but large ■ Welsh Anthony dim psychologist
■The cathedral last sequined platforms - know if you would dent in and Irish Sarah, I seeks fit but stupid
door. For more info know about you partner (preferred Sunday 4th October - A guided tour round historic
year, the union stage only 61 days to go like any indicator on
contact Raph W two!!! initial “J”) Guildford. Meet at 14.30 outside the University
this year!! ■ Housewife - you that pizza topping!
■Ian M-happy rock! ■Jenny in B’s ■ Wanted Partner ■ bton has no ■ Will someone be Library. Followed by tea at Cathedral LCose
birthday! (sorry its ■ Just cause Dan House,Fancy a meal for SS Chairman, girlz.....whatta pack Chris’s friend?
late) shows his arse off, sometime? preferably female, o’shamblez!!!!!! ■ Only I and I have Ballroom Dance Society
■ so who’s the doesn’t mean you ■“the library restu- but not fussy as des- ■ Suzie. Your smile the power! We have lessons every Wednesday at 7.30pm in the
block?????? have to top it! rant girls” didn’t see perate. Find him lights up my world. ■ Who will be Dim University Hall.
■ Eliska, last time I O’Little One! from many people on sat- near A,G & T, usual- A.S Sum’s 31st?
Beginners welcome and no partner needed!
saw Steven he let me 24. urday, why? eat ly. ■ I’m not supposed Psychologist tarzan
■ How’s the cheek, to be here. ■ wannabe sees his
For further information please email Steve :
in on a few secrets ■ For those great food, cheap
S.Wesemeyer@ee.surrey.ac.uk
■The lynx effect... unaware, ginger hair (10-2). Lucy? Hopefully ■ Happy birthday Jane
and I have a photo to is a full body experi- ■EIL-2b wants us Well. Take Care & HANAH, Happy ■ Hello campus
prrove it... ence!Freshers back, I was told I’ll see you around, birthday HANAH. from the 11th
baby. Sid Ashenden boys WANTED
■On the pitch at Beware of GT’s. (CO) you don’t need
Wembley stadium - Attractive to worrey about the ■ Tom, Do blondes ■ So Tom needs his Minibus Drivers - will need to take/have completed
spice girls concert - ■USA Today, fish!!! have more fun? E’s Ice cream from Minibus Test - contact Alex or Gemma in the Sports
Office extn. 9981
Crossword No 78
Coaches and referees for various sports - contact Alex
or gemma in the Sports Office extn. 9981

RECEPTIONIST STARTS WORK AT

THE UNION
On Monday, our new Union Receptionist starts work
for us. She’ll be on the front desk at the Union
Reception from 9-5pm, Monday to Friday every week.
We think this will make a big difference to our wel-
coming atmosphere. She’ll be able to sell you tickets,
do binding, photocopying, making up NUS cards,
directing you and visitors around the building and gen-
erally making life much easier for everyone. Go and
say hello in your lunch break.

TROLLEY FOLLY
Harriet Sims, Union President, is meeting with
TESCO bosses on Monday afternoon, with the Head
of the University Estate, to discuss finding a way of
controlling trolley mayhem.
I don’t really mind how many trolleys you all “bor-
row”, but what I do care about is when partially sight-
Across Down ed and disabled students have to fight their way
1. A Derby horse, 1. Motorist’s aid (4-3) through heaps of trolley before they can safely reach
for example (5) 2. Expression of
the font door of their house. I also care about receiv-
4. Go down (7) dissatisfaction (9)
8. A weapon (3) 3. Quantities of paper (5)
ing nasty calls from local residents about students
9. Inflammation of a joint (9) 4. Loathe (6) leaving trolleys outside their homes and in their drive-
10. Annoys (7) 5. Performer of operations (7) ways. We must find a solution to this ridiculous prob-
11. Hostile person or people (5) 6. Consume (3) lem - I was very impressed (and alarmed) that we
13. Royal personage (6) 7. Darkish (5) managed to acquire over 200 TESCO trolleys in 5 days
15. Part of a shoe (6) 12. Amuse (9) in and around campus - that’s good going by anyone’s
18. Place offering 14. Gather together (7) standards!
accommodation (5) 16. Painter’s board (7) But please, in the meantime, have a little considera-
19. Naval VIP (7) 17. Perplex (6)
tion......?
21. Winged insect (9) 18. Custom (5)
23. Perform (3) 20. Chief citizen (5)
24. A frame used for support (7) 22. A small extremity (3)
25. Wash in clean water (5) Compiled by
Jeff Blackham
Last weeks solution
Across: 1. liberate 5. miss 9. merry 10. relieve 11. sullen 12. acted
14. school 16. recall 19. exalt 21. excess 24. instant 25. whole 26.
kiss 27. fearless
Down: 1. lump 2. borough 3. royal 4. throng 6. inept 7. speedily 8.
old age 13. asterisk 15. outlay 17. assuage 18. settle 20. assess
22. cower 23. mess
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:24 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Features & Surrey Pride Thursday1st October 1998 n

Slick Swede Success at Silverstone cede somewhat to Driver 1. There

26 races - 13
weekends - 8
venues - 8 manu-
facturers - 20 dri-
vers - 1000s of
spectators.
The Auto Trader
RAC British
Touring Car
Championship came to a close for 1998 at
Silverstone this weekend, after an incredible
season. After the previous round at Oulton
Park, Cheshire, the championship title was
never closer - only 12 points between
Rikard Rydell (for Volvo) and Anthony Reid
(for Nissan), meaning that if Reid had won
the sprint race at Silverstone, thus receiving
15 points, the feature race could have been
the decider. Instead (and I know your editor
is grinning inanely) the track was awash
with blue and yellow with a Swede smell of
success as Rydell finished ahead of Reid in
the Sprint Race taking with him the
Championship title.
It was no smooth ride to the top. On the
contrary, there have been as many off track
incidents as on. The August bank holiday
meet at Brands Hatch saw Rydell, in front
with five laps to go, being overtaken by
Reid. The whole Nissan hospitality suite
were falling over their flags with excitement
and even though the overtake looked fairly
smooth from the embankment, it was ruled
to be dangerous by the stewards. In copy-
cat Shuey style, Rydell launched himself at
Reid in the pits; the two men finding them
selves hauled into race control for a good
old style telling off. At one point Rydell
was threatened with the 30 day loss of his
racing license which would have put pay to
his title bid, with only 20 days left and 4
races until the final at Silverstone. A few
thousand pounds fine and 20 penalty points
between them and the two men were left no
doubt even more determined than ever!
No one can deny that Volvo and Nissan have
both managed to disprove their age-old
images. The Volvo estate complete with
accountant and 2 Labradors has blossomed
into a true mean machine.
The S40, in the hands of
Rydell and ex-F1 star
Gianni Morbidelli has
shown, on one hand, that
it’s a true racer and, on the
other, that it has consisten-
cy (not one piece of Volvo
has been left on the track
all season). Nissan’s
Anthony Reid/David
Leslie line up has proved
to be a great partnership. In talking about
Reid I mustn’t forget Leslie; this Scot has
had 6 podium finishes to Reid’s 14. Nissan
have done well to win the Manufacturers
Championship after only 2 years on the
Touring Car scene.
So where’s Alain Menu (with ’is sexy little
Gallic smile)? The new smart Blend 37 liv-
ery on the Laguna is not the only thing to
male the Renault stand out from the pack.
The Menu/Plato combination has not only
produced 4 wins but some incredible driving
and on track friendly team mate rivalry. It’s
been similar to the earlier-in-the-season
Mclaren boys where the Driver 2 has had to
have been quite a few occasions
where Plat (no 2) has had the
opportunity to overtake Menu but, knowing
that he’d get a slap on the wrist from
Williams when he’d get back to the pits, had
to hold back. Fortunately next year, with
Menu going to Ford, it seems like Jason will
have the free reign he needs.
Honda is a victim of its marketing man-
agers’ pre-season hype and hasn’t done as
well as predicted. However Yorkshire terri-
er James Thompson hasn’t done too badly
for himself with a win at Croft, Yorkshire
and Snetterton, Norfolk. I expect that James
thinks that he could have done better - but
there’s always next year.
From one of the youngest to one of the ex-
F1 veterans - Derek Warwick - driver and
triple 8 Vaushall manager has been making
various noises about ‘bowing out’. He’s had
a mixed-bag season - a superb win in the
throws of a storm at Knockhill and yet not
much else. Vauxhall had a close shave with
disaster at Snetterton when Menu’s Laguna
T-boned John Cleland’s Vectra. A complete
accident - Cleland was quoted as saying that
when he saw Menu coming at him at a right-
angle that ‘that was it’. Fortunately the Scot
was fit and well to race within the month.
But what the incident did highlight was the
mass of talent available to Vauxhall from the
Vectra Championship. Replacing Cleland at
Thruxton, Brazilian Flavio Figueiredo has
gone on to win the coveted Vectra
Championship and wins himself a drive in a
Vectra for the next BTCC season, running as
an independent.
That only leaves Ford, Peugeot and Audi,
not much to say about the latter two only
that you can presume that the first car into
the pits is always a Peugeot and that they
must have a special discount with their body
shop.
Oh..... nearly forgot, Nigel Mansell. Token
Touring Car part-timer. Luckily for him it
was raining so heavily at Donnington that he
managed a first place purely because every-
one else had come off. (Miaow) But seri-
ously..at least he’s drawn in the crowds.
The sheer number of spectators that have
followed the championship (there were 35
00 people at Silverstone last weekend) goes
to show that Touring Cars is raising its pro-
file as a top quality racing championship.
The number of fans who follow the
Championship round the country from
Knockhill to Thruxton is astonishing. And
yet it is a great day out! You may think it’s
just a bunch of petrol head fanatical males
proving their virility but the skill involved is
just incredible. How many of you really
think that you could brush the curbs at
Silverstone with an average speed of 120
mph I the racing version of your Mum’s
Honda Accord?
Jo Thompson

Dear Russ USFC Sports Fayre Raffle Results

Dear Russ
I’m pretty sure that I’d like a job related
to my degree when I leave. The trouble is,
a friend told me there are half a dozen
things I could consider. How can I find
out what they are?
Dear John,
You didn’t say what degree you were doing!
Never mind, I’ll do my best to answer in a
way that covers all of them. First of all,
your friend was right when they said you
had a choice of jobs. Just suppose you’re
doing a scientific degree. That means you
could consider research, development,
quality control, production, teaching, tech-
nical sales and others depending on exactly
what degree you’ve done. If you’re doing
engineering you could consider research
design, installation, commissioning, patent
work, production engineering and so on. If
you’re doing a humanities subject, you
could choose research, finance, manage-
gest, though, that a better way to explore the
possibilities for using your degree would be The raffle draw was held at the Varsity Centre, 6pm, on Saturday 26th September,
to pick up a Signpost Sheet from the Careers 1998.
Service. You’ll see these facing you as soon
as you walk in. They cover all of the occu- The following tickets were drawn to receive the stated prizes;
pations which graduates from particular
degrees enter. Underneath the Signpost 2 Tickets for Wimbledon vs Liverpool. Winner; Gayle Hammond.
Sheets are files marked “Your Degree -
What Next?” These contain very full 2 Tickets for Wimbledon vs Blackburn Rovers. Winner; Jon-Paul Sammuels.
descriptions of degree-related jobs. They
even have a section called ‘Related Black USFC Umbro Training Top. Winner; Steve Delvin
Occupations’ so you can consider other
ideas at the same time. Before long you’ll Maroon USFC Umbro Training Top. Winner; Gary Nicholls.
have a pretty good idea of the different ways
you might use your degree in the future. Shin Pads donated by Campusport. Winner; Darrel Thomas
By the way, the next letter I shall answer is Jackie Brown CD. Winner; Steve Delvin
from a student who has the opposite prob-
lem to you - how to narrow down from a Egyptian Pyramid Paperweight. Winner; Steve De-Wint.
wide choice. You may be interested in that
in due course! Could all winners please contact Paul Cliff on G. 457248 or at the Bare Facts office
Russ Clark (x. 9275) asap.
Careers Service

Work Hard, Play Hard

ment, teaching, and many different areas of
degree-related professional practice such as
law, psychology or music.
These ideas may get you started. Can I sug-
PS You might also get ideas by looking at
the vacancy information on our website:
http://www.mis.surrey.ac.uk/misweb/career
s/home.htm. A number of employers ask
for specific degrees.
At Uni, lectures, sport and a touch of social work, they can play hard and achieve decent
activities seem to dominate your lives. Take results in their academic studies.
away the latter of the three, and believe it or

Sports Bursaries
Sports Bursaries will shortly be allocated
for the forthcoming academic year
One is intended for Golfers and is funded by
the Royal and Ancient Golf Club. It is worth
£5,000 over four years. Applicants should
be low handicap players who are current
students at this University. They should
have serious hopes and plans that this
money should be used to facilitate. We have
provision to appoint six for this year. The
others are from money jointly donated by
the University and Guildford Borough
Council. Any sport can be considered for
these Bursaries, although more value can be
added if it is one that is catered for in either
our own facilities or those of Guildford
Spectrum. The criteria are very similar to
those for the Golf Bursaries above. Further
information and application forms are avail-
able from John Perrin at Campusport.
not you could combine the two and earn
some deserved money!! Que? Sport and
work? Yes, well if you try hard on both
fronts and show a high level of achieve-
ment, you could be looking at winning an
Ede Ravenscroft prize for excellence in
Academic and Sporting activities.
The award is open to all students in all years
of study. In the past it has been given out to
students showing excellence in their sport
but who have also shown that with the hard
This award is usually given out at the end of
our academic year at the spectacular
“ Colours Ball”, which of course all sporting
bods and friends attend. However, the last
years Ede Ravenscroft award didn’t find a
suitable winning candidate. In a nut shell,
last years award is still up for grabs, there-
fore should you yourself or anyone you
know in your opinion deserve this prized
award, then all you need to do is contact
myself (Alex-Sports sab on x9981 or Barry
Hitchcock on x9200..)
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:24 Page 11 (1,1)
n Thursday1st October 1998
Disgraceful Decision Spoils Tremendous League Cup
Win
Hammer United 1 University 1sts 3
Following Surrey’s previous encounters
with Hammer, notorious for their intimida-
tion tactics and studs up two-footed chal-
lenges, we expected a D-day style body
count from this Intermediate Premier
League Cup Preliminary Round clash. The
last thing any of us could expect, however,
was for our mild mannered goalkeeper, Dan
Taylor, to be sent off for dissent after he
gave away a penalty, but anything was pos-
sible from the standard of refereeing dis-
played on this rainsoaked Saturday after-
noon.
Against 12 men and the monsoon weather,
the Surrey side battled valiantly against the
hard-core of talentless goons to strike a
blow in the eternal battle of brain versus
brawn. Dave Upton latched onto a gigantic
goalkick by Taylor, and swivelled past the
grounded Hammer keeper like a ballet
dancer on hot coals to slide the ball home
showing great composure. University con-
tinued to dominate the 1st half with only
one notable incident, as Gareth Batty beat
the Hammer goalkeeper to the ball on the far
side of the penalty area. He placed the ball
onto the right foot of James Hemmings
inside the six yard box and with most of the
team already celebrating the goal,
Hemmings managed to scuff the ball over
the bar. Poo-eey!
During the half time interval many were
amazed to hear complementary words from
Joe Smiths mouth and the captain inspired
us to complete the job. Gareth Batty came to
life and displayed moments of football that
only a few are gifted with, twisting and
turning past three defenders and curling the
ball into the back of the net. The surprise on
the nippy wingers face was mirrored by his
team mates as he supplied further evidence
that he can only score with his left foot. 2-0.
Surrey joins the 31 mile long club!
While the rest of University was helping to
move the Freshers in, last Sunday the Boat
Club were completing another Surrey first.
The Captain - Steve Poole at bow and Istvan
Hajdu at stroke were competing in the
Lincoln to Boston (not Massachusetts)
Rowing Marathon in a Double Scull(2x).
This is the longest inland rowing race in the
UK. Having driven up on the Saturday, the
two were ready and prepared for what was
to come having munched their way through
a steaming hot lasagne in Lincoln that
evening.
It all started on Sunday leaving Lincoln with
some stunning views of Lincoln Minster,
but due to the fact they were carrying water
bottles and munchies for the journey ahead,
it was hard going. After 9 miles the crew
had to get out and walk the boat over the
bank in order to avoid a lock. By this time
the scenery was looking very flat and the
only things they saw were people fishing on
the riverbank. It was only the sheer deter-
mination to finish and camaraderie between
the two that kept them going.
With 9 miles to go, the going got tough as
all Steve could see when he looked for fea-
tures on the landscape was a straight river.
Luckily, this was when Istvan’s sense of
humour kicked in with his meaningless
chants.
Thousands of bananas later, the two finally
came in sight of the finish. In a time of 5hrs
features + Surrey Pride 11
Campusport
1st Week Free
Continues until
Only five minutes later Lee Turner attempt- Sunday 4th October 1998
ed to match the quality of the second goal,
trapping the ball on the edge of the 18-yard With all courses and classes continuing from Monday 5th October
box and curling a left foot strike into the top
Vacancies are still available for courses in
of the net.
With the match securely won a moment of
madness led to the headline drama. A Squash Badminton Tai Chi Yoga
Hammer striker broke free from the
defence and was bearing down on Taylor Canoeing Dry Ski-ing &
who, fresh from the recent sprint training Many Dance Styles
sessions, burst out if his goalmouth like a
Madman and made a fine challenge to win
the ball. Then to everyone’s surprise and Please enroll as soon as possible at Campusport Centre
even to opposition, the referee awarded a For more information please call (25)9201
penalty, and Taylor’s dissension saw him
dismissed from the pitch. The referee had
shown an automatic red but later claimed
that he was going to give Taylor a yellow for
Windsurfing reminder
the ‘foul’ but added the second yellow as a - A reminder to all those who signed up at the sports fayre, and current members that we
result of the Surrey keepers angry protests. will be meeting as usual upstairs in the Union (above the pool tables) at 1pm on Friday.
The Club await the official confirmation Among other things we will be organising the forthcoming beginners course, if you can't
from the Surrey F.A. with regards to the fine make it but are interested, leave a note in our pigeon hole in the Union.
and ban imposed on Mr. Taylor. The USFC
centre-back, Glenn Johns, eagerly kitted
himself to replace Taylor and defender USFC’s Newest Team Start With A Bang
Chris Brice came on for striker James
Hemmings. From the penalty spot, Johns
University GI Res 6 Cranleigh A 2
made a superb reflex save which reassured Following the success of the strike from the visitors cen- true to plan as Yannis
the team’s confidence. all new Graduate and tre midfielder flew past our Boziaris and Gladiator Cake
The last fifteen minutes seemed to last an Industrial year team within keeper, Bob Hodgetts, into worked well at centre backs
eternity and a late scramble on the goal line the University football club the Surrey net. In all fair- to snuff out any sparks of
gave Hammer a lucky consolation prize to structure last year, the new ness there was nothing he attacking intent from the
give a final score of 3-1 to Surrey. Great dis- reserve side began their could do, and the visitors and Spooner and
plays from Steve Catt, Frank Cassin and campaign on Saturday in Manager/Captain partner- Arild began to dominate in
Gareth Batty, not to mention the eventful keen anticipation of the sea- ship of Spooner and Cliffy the midfield. Muppet
journey home, it was a great day for the yel- son ahead, entertaining an did their upmost to restore Linden came on at right
low and blue army. The post game celebra- experienced Cranleigh side the teams composure and back for the Red-fella short-
tions did the boys proud as Lanky Shanks at the Varsity centre. Keen get back into the game. ly after the break and stated
Taylor refused just reward for his exploits, to prove the value of field- his case for a starting posi-
only to be deputised by one of Brucie’s ing a second GI side, both to A variety of chances fol- tion, followed shortly by
newest recruits. Good Work Trigger! themselves, the Club and lowed and the equaliser was USFC debutante Steve
Trapdoor the Sports Administration, struck when an attempted Delvin coming on for an
the atmosphere within the clearance from the injured Semmens.
dressing room was infec-
tious. Only recently granted
Cranleigh keeper only went
as far as Kinsey on the wing, Surrey began to really dom-
40 mins rowing in to a headwind, the two permission to play at the who calmly lobbed the ball, inate and when Delvin head-
crossed the finishing line sporting huge blis- Varsity Centre, following Beckham-esque, over the ed home a dream debut goal
ters and sore limbs. Most of all Istvan found concerns on both sides stranded netminder. This the floodgates began to
out that it’s just so unnatural to be seated on regarding the degree of was followed by a horrific open. With two goals from
a rowing seat for such a long period of time. pitch over use, and still period of pressure from the Ratikainen and one from
unresolved discussions opposition which saw the Wilson completing the scor-
The two were overcome at the end by their regarding the funding of Surrey defence in real tur- ing an impressive 6-2 victo-
sense of achievement and Steve has vowed Graduate sport, the team moil, culminating in a terri- ry was completed. Sparky
never to let a certain mad Hungarian from were eager to show that at ble mix up between Captain, Dillnot looked eager to
Budapest study the rowing calendar again. least in football terms we Paul Cliff, and winger Neil prove something when he
The two returned to Guildford in the early were deserved of our status. Wilson. Each leaving the came on for Kinsey with 15
hours of Monday morning exhausted but ball to the other, the ball was minutes to go and the GI
satisfied in the knowledge they achieved The game began in a flurry picked up and crossed for Res ran out the game com-
something that will remain with them forev- of hard challenges and con- their striker to crash home fortably to claim the three
er. So they’ve been there, done that, got the stant changes of possession from eight yards. At 2-1 this points.
T-shirt, but still waiting for the certificate ! as both sides battled to was the real test of character
The club will be competing in more events stamp their authority in the for a side who had never The team would like to due
this semester where they will be able to drizzling rain. A fine crowd previously played or trained respect to the Club for their
carry on being part of the pride of Surrey of student and graduate sup- as a complete unit. The true continued support of the GI
Sport. port lifted Surrey through a Surrey spirit shone through team structure and their
period of early pressure as and within minutes we were recognition of the valuable
If you’re interested in joining the Boat Club, the back four struggled to level again as a fine cross contribution of the
we are always keen for new members, both settle into the rhythm of was met by Babbsy, who Graduates and the commit-
beginners and those with experience. The their new team mates. As beautifully guided the ball ment of Industrial year and
club got a silver (Mens Novice 1x) and a the University midfield into the Cranleigh net. post-graduate students
finalists spot (Mens Elite 2x) at the BUSA began to win the loose balls, involved in the team. Many
Championships as well as success at local chances were soon created With the half-time score at thanks to the Varsity Centre
regattas last year (Womens Novice 1x) and for Nick ‘Prettyboy’ 2-2, the team talk served staff and groundsmen for
with your help we can achieve again this Semmens and Fat-head only to reiterate what we all their understanding, flexi-
year. Contact the club captain Steve Poole Babbs up front. Excellent expected before the kick- bility and continued support
on email ms73sp, look on the sports notice- wingplay from Bins Kinsey off. If we remained tight at of USFC.
board or put your name and contact number and Keggy Wilson threat- the back, our superior fit- Stiffy
in the Union pigeon hole under “Boat”. ened to undermine the rigid ness would eventually run
line of Cranleigh’s back the Cranleigh side out of the
four, before an opportunistic game. The second half went
ed981001.qxd 04/11/98 21:24 Page 12 (1,1)
Mountaineers Go Splat!
Even before the semester had finished the
mountaineering clubs summer plans where
well under way; however vague they may
be. First up was “The Three Peaks
Challenge”, this involved running/walking
up Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowdon all
in 24 hours including the travelling time in
between each, raising money for the charity
Mountain Rescue. After much sweat and a
mention on Radio One we did it, all in 23hr
40mins, finishing just in time for a fried
breakfast.
Next on the agenda was “SPLAT” the annu-
al three week climbing trip abroad. The
destination this year was to a little town
called Ailefroide in the French Alps, where
there is nothing to do but climb (and watch
the world cup on a local bars TV, have huge
water fights etc.). The climbing took many
forms, from one pitch cragging through to
What a weekend! A festival of sport was
anticipated and lo and behold, duly deliv-
ered. The Freshers Sports Fayre saw lion-
taming mayhem and a bevvy of free t-shirt
fueled Carlsberg Export consumption as the
glorious September sun beamed down on
Fortress Varsity. Freshers (would you prefer
newcomers?) spilled forth in their droves to
flirt with a variety of sporting commitment,
whilst the old and wise dressed up their shop
windows with promises of all-night post-
match drinking sessions, beer stained tro-
phies and exotic sports tours to destination
al shad. Some of the more sedate Clubs were
reported to be offering confectionery bribes
to tempt the swarming masses.
Demonstrations of karate, abseiling,
American football, aerobics (don’t forget
the grapevine!), rugby, football, hockey, net-
ball, not to mention the dodgy stage crew
microphone all served to to distract the dis-
cerning consumer from their competitors.
Inter-club spirit seems greatly improved
with minimal exchange of banter between
footie and rugger and even a mutual recruit-
ment of players (thankyou Boy Davis!). In
short things, looked pretty rosey for the
coming season of Surrey Sport.
This is a fine place (especially in the
chronological sense!) to mention the
exploits of one James Leigh on Friday after-
noon. Perched like an elderly sun-parched
buzzard on the football stand, the trouble
began at approximately 10 secs to eleven o’
clock when he crowed in that soothing
Lancashire bark of his, “Zammow, get
t’f*#kin’ bar!” Something in the region of 6
or 7 hours later he embarked on a World
Surrey Pride
400m mountain climbs that
took you through cooling
waterfalls. There was also
“proper mountaineering” to
be done with the 4000m+
Les Ecrin overlooking all.
Days and nights were spent
on the glaciers with activi-
ties involving climbing
Dome de Neige Des Ecrins,
bum sliding and “playing in
some crevasses”.
On the whole the weather
was great and a truly fantas-
tic time was had by all. On
the way back home we
stopped off in
Fontainebleau, just below
Paris to do some of the
famous bouldering in the
forest which I found to be a truly magical
place.
The remains of the summer’s weekends
where spent climbing at various locations
throughout the UK.
Now we are only four weeks into the semes-
ter and we have already had trips to the Peak
district, Wales and had many socials. BUT
YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET! Cos
as soon as you first years join in, things will
get bigger and better. So come along to the
Beginners’ Course at Campusport’s excel-
lent Climbing wall, on Wednesdays 3-5pm
or Tuesdays 8-10pm, it will cost you
absolutely nothing.
For more details e-mail Dan on HYPER-
LINK mailto:me72ds@surrey.ac.uk
me72ds@surrey.ac.uk.
The Ups and Downs of Sport
Record breaking attempt for spouting the
greatest amount of bollox ever previously
witnessed (Tore Andre Flo, the second best
striker on the planet??). Hats off to THE
man of the moment.
Elsewhere in the wondrous World of Sport,
two British heavyweights triumphed in their
weekend bouts as Lennox Lewis went to a
points victory over Croatian Zeljko
Mavrovic in Uncasville, Connecticut, and
Herbie Hide dispatched Willi Fischer, the
German challenger, after a third knockdown
in the second round. WBC champion Lewis’
victory sees him move one step closer to a
unification bout with Evander Holyfield but
doubts still exist over his credentials, after
this professional, but wholly unimpressive,
victory. Quotes from the Lewis camp after
the bout claimed that it is difficult for a
champion to be at his best against a little
known heavyweight of Mavrovic’s quality,
but I would argue that a true champion
should be able to motivate himself for any
fight. Especially true in the heavyweight
division where, regardless of boxing ability,
any lucky punch can conceivably cause an
upset.
The penultimate stage of the Formula One
championship ended in Mika Hakkinen’s
7th victory of the season at the Luxembourg
Grand Prix in Germany on Sunday, leaving
him four points clear of Michael
Schumacher with one race to go. Should
Hakkinen clinch the victory at Suzuka,
Japan, on November 1st, sharing his cele-
brations will be an ex-member of the uni-
versity staff. Mark Arnell, who used to be
Make ID Sport Part of the Pride
Welcome to all you fresher types, bods
studying their first year “again”, and all
general students too lazy to have played
sport yet! Life is too short to worry about
lectures the whole time. Indeed, here at
Surrey we believe there is more to life than
purely education. Joining a club or Society
is an excellent way to learn about life in
the day time and also at night!! (so I’m
told, being the pure and innocent type!)
Whether you choose Footy or Fencing,
Sub Aqua or Skiing - it is the key to feel-
ing good, meeting people and above all,
having fun. All clubs cater for those who
want to play/participate in recreational
sport or activities, non-competitive and
competitive sport. Varying needs can
always be met - so if you are a beginner or
famous sport bod, I’m sure we can find
something for you to do here at Surrey.
At the Campusports Centre, the green cov-
ered building near the Unis main entrance,
a wide range of classes and courses take
place, from Philipa’s Funky Aerobics to
yoga. And for all those couch potatoes
amongst us - you can help make the Sports
clubs actual CLUBs, by strolling on over
to our Varsity Centre and supporting our
competitive sports clubs. There’s our very
own Varsity Centre bar with a view over
the1st Hockey, Football and Rugby pitch-
es. So if it is blowing a force 9 gale out-
side, you can sit in the comfort of the bar
and watch your nutty mates scuttle around
the pitch all afternoon.
Interdepartmental sport (ID) is a program
of sports open to all students and staff of
the Sports Massage Therapist at
Campusport, is currently employed by
McLaren-Mercedes as Hakkinen’s Personal
Trainer, and could be frequently spotted on
ITV’s coverage last Sunday afternoon.
Come on Mika, win it for the Surrey Pride.
In the US, the race for the season home run
leader continued as Mark McGwire hit two
more to move four ahead of Chicago Cubs
player, Sammy Sosa, with 377 and 370 yard
homers as the Cards beat the Montreal
Expos 6-3. Closer to home, a staggering per-
formance from Tim Henman signalled a
new dawn for the future of British Davis
Cup tennis as GB beat India 3-2 in
Nottingham. Britain now qualify for the 16
nation Davis Cup world group next year, but
face a tough draw as an unseeded side, with
only three of the names in the hat gauran-
teeing a home draw.
The news of the weekend, however, has to
be the unforgivable antics of Paulo Di Canio
on Saturday as he was sent off in Sheffield
Wednesday’s home fixture with Arsenal last
Saturday. Following a scuffle between
Arsenal’s Patrick Viera and Wednesday’s
Wim Jonk, both DiCanio and Arsenal’s
Martin Keown rushed to join the fracas and
engaged in a melee of kicking and elbowing
each other. Referee, Paul Alcock, quite
rightly, decided to send the pair off, but hav-
ing shown the red card to Di Canio, was
caught off gaurd by a two-handed shove in
the chest and tumbled dramatically (more a
vain attempt to regain his balance than any
act of theatre) to the ground. Newspaper
reports following the incedent quote Di
literally all abilities. Free, with your
Combined card available at Campusports,
the Sports ranging from mixed netball, 5-
aside football to pop-lacrosse, runs each
and every lunch time with some early
evening fixtures, all either situated on
campus in the sports centre or at the
Varsity Centre. The competition has con-
tinuously improved over the past few years
with this year its importance being recog-
nised in departmental infrastructure by
having prizes from external companies
awarded to individual ID sports.
To participate in ID sport, all you need to
do is find (or be found) by your depart-
mental sports rep (or quickly elect one!)
who will attend an afternoon briefing ses-
sion on Friday the 2nd of October and have
a charming photo taken and placed in your
departments for easier recognition. He or
she will then be able to enter your depart-
mental teams into the competition. There
are awards and prizes available for Most
Improved Society/Dept, Biggest
Participating Dept, Best Sports Rep and
oodles of other achievements!
Surrey Sport - Be part of the pride, is our
motto for all sports. It is seen as a great
way of actually getting to know your fel-
low colleagues, no matter if they are back
seat boyz or students who’ll actually see
out their first year! Participating in sport at
any level is fun and in itself rewarding. So
what have you got to lose, kick your Sports
Rep up the butt if he or she isn’t providing
the info or call Sally Edie at Campusports
on 9891 or MOI, Alex (Sporty Sab) on
9981 (25 9981 from external lines.
by Paul Cliff, Sports Editor
Canio as being unrepentant and alleged to
suggest that, “...I pushed the ref in the stom-
ach and he stumbled three or four steps
backwards before falling over like someone
diving to win a penalty.” Surely such an
accusation, blended with a blatant admis-
sion of the events (not that the TV pictures
require too much further evidence) seals the
temperamental Italians fate in the English
game. A piece in Mondays Times newspa-
per, quotes former FIFA and FA Carling
Premiership referee, Martin Bodenham, as
stating that referee’s of all standards are
becoming increasingly worried over this
type of behaviour. “There have been many
examples of players continuing to dispute
sendings off and appear to have to have their
say first...You wonder if it’s going to start
happening on the local parks”. Food for
thought perhaps for the University of Surrey
Club Chairman, Dan Taylor, who after giv-
ing away a penalty on Saturday, was sent off
for a second bookable offense after he con-
tinued to dispute the penalty decision with
the referee. No matter how incorrect a play-
er believes a referee’s decision to be, any
level of dissent, from a call of “rubbish”,
through foul and abusive language, to actu-
ally physically assaulting an official, can not
be tolerated in the Premiership or the local
recreation ground. I’m sure, from our disci-
plinary committee meeting at the Varsity on
Monday night that Dan has learned his les-
son from this uncharacteristic display, but an
example must be made to the new faces
within the club. Anyway, that is my tirade
for the week, read on and enjoy.
DO IT FOR SPORT, DO IT FOR THE
SURREY PRIDE