Within a cage/Innoncence opens her wings/The shackle breaks free

by Sarah Zsigray

Quotes (Make note that I really like quotes and often scour the internet
looking for them.):

"And Dreamers shall dream and make the impossible possible and to inspire
others around them to reach higher, to surpass the limits, until eternity's
end"- Unknown

"NEVER GIVE UP!"- Winston Churchill

"Lonliness can't be defeated"- Gaara, Naruto

To everything there is season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time pluck what is
planted; A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to
build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to
dance; a time to cast away stones, and time to gather the stones together; a
time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a
time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a
time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a
time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. - Ecclesiastes 3:1-9

"The only thing new in the world is the history you don't know," - Harry S.
Truman

Where seldom is heard... A discouraging word... And the skies are not cloudy
all day.- from "Home on the Range"

"Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won."Duke of Wellington

"If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'why the hell not?'"- John Wayne

"There are not great men. Just great challenges which ordinary men, out of
necessity, are forced by cirumstances to meet."- Admiral William F. "Bull"
Halsey

"I can picture in my mind's eye a world without war, a world without hate,
and I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it"Jack Handy

"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his dilusion is a philosopher"Ambrose Bierce

"All the best stories in the world are but one reality; the story of escape. It is
the only thing which interests us all and at all times- how to escape"- Arthur
Christopher Benson

"There are none so blind as those who do not see"- Unknown

"If you are going to walk on ice, you might as well dance."- Unknown

"He who attacks must vanquish. He who defends must merely survive."Master Kahn

"It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for
war."- President John F. Kennedy

"Getting rid of a delusion makes us wiser than getting hold of a truth."Ludwig Borne

"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in
your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."- Rene Descartes

"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."- Albert von

Szent-Gyorgyi

"Sarcasm is anger with a smile."-Natalie Hyde

"When arguing with a fool, make sure the opponent isn't doing the exact
same thing."- Abraham Lincoln

"To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone."-Suzanne Gordon

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not
sure about the former."- Albert Einstein

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."- Oscar Wilde

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."- Will Rogers

"There are two theories when arguing with women. Neither one works."- Will
Rogers

"He who fights monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a
monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into
you."- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."- Napolean Boneparte

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they
have to say something."- Plato

"It is perfectly American to be wrong."- Newt Gringrich

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how

improbable, must be the truth."- Sherlock Holmes, Adventures of Sherlock
Holmes

"Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil."- Aristotle

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do
nothing."- Edmund Burke

"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before
them, glory and danger alike, and yet not withstanding to go out to and meet
it."- Thucyclides

"The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops
until you stand up to speak in public."- George Jessel

"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side
he's on."- Catch 22

"Cunning is the art of conceiling our own defects, and discovering other
people's weaknesses."- William Hazlitt

"In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: it goes on."Robert Frost

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough
people to make it worth the effort."- Herm Albright

"Not all who wonder are lost."- J.R.R. Tolkien

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."- Lily Tomlin

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather judgement that something
else is more important than fear."- Ambrose Redmoon

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."- Harry S. Truman

"A common mistake that people make trying to design something

comepletely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."Douglas Adams

"Just when you realize that life's a bitch, it has puppies."- Adrienne E. Gusoff

"The optomist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and
the pessimist fears this is true."- James Branch Cabell

"You can always trust the Americans. In the end they do the right thing. After
they have eliminated all other possibilies." Winston Churchill

"That's what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence inside you that
makes you want to believe that their still exists a right and wrong, that
decency will somehow triumph in the end."- Lise Hand

"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies and not everbody lives."- A.
Sachs

"Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth."Mark Twain

"Suspicion always haunts a guilty mind."- Shakespear

"Sometimes, you just have to smile, shrug, and say 'What the hell?'"unknown

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."- William Goldman, The
Princess Bride

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people
angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."- The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy

"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each
man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."- Henry
Wadsworth Longfellow

"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek

it elswhere."- Francois De La Rochefoucauld

"Reveal not every secret to a friend, for how can you tell but that friend may
hereafter become an enemy."- Saadi

"One should expect the expected can be prevented, but the unexpected
should have been expected."- Norman R. Augustine

"Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life. Fate is what kicks you in the
ass to do it."- Henry Miller

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that
can not be torn, so that we see ourselves for as we really are."- Arthur Golden

"May he who has screwed over your day have his crotch infested by the fleas
of a thousand camels, and may his arms be too short to scratch it. Amen."The Officer Worker's Prayer

"Most bitter are the quarrels between brothers."- Latin Proverb

"Happiness is the dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch
his hand in the drill."- Johnny Carson

"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling

blocks."- Jack Penn

"A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."Unknown

"Never tell people how to do things: tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity."- George S. Patton

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."- Paul Beatly

"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."Unknown

"A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art."- Unknown

"Emotion is the starting point, the beginning, and the end."- Unknown

"Man's biggest mistake is to win over a woman without knowing how to love
her."- Unknown

"I firmly believe that any man's finest hour is that moment when they have
worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of the
battle... victorius."- Vince Lombardi

"Friends are angels that help us getting up when our wings can't remember
how to fly."- Unknown

The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step/Sometimes,

taking the first step is the most difficult thing to do/Your destiny is in your
hands/You must grasp it before it's too late.- Luo Tzu

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."- Kurt Cobain

"I too often see people killing catepillars and then complaining there are not
enough butterflies."- Unknown

"Roll the dice, never look back and never think twice."-Papa Roach, Just
wanna be loved

"Everyone bleeds red."- Lithius

"You all blame the effect but what about the cause?"-Unknown

"Perfection is an impossibility for humanity, for the simple fact humans

themselves are imperfect. The ideal that things in our world are perfect, are
simply ideals that are mistruths conjured up by madmen attempting to
sustain that pitiful existence. It is impossible for us to understand what is
perfect, for we are not perfect ourselves. Once humanity realizes this, we can
all get on with our lives."- The Magnificent It.

"Stop fighting against the system, destroy it from the inside. That's what
germs do!"- The Magnificent It

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but
have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it
does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will
cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is
knowledge, it will pass away... and now these three remain: faith, hope, and
love. But the greatest of these is love.- I Corinthians 13:3-8,13

"Out of all the tests that we as humans have to undergo, love is probably the
hardest and subtlest. We can't understand it, but yet when we experience it
we learn more than we do in a lifetime."- Lithius

"How can you make someone love you without forcing them?"-Bruce Noland,
Bruce Almighty

"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful"-Sixx A.M., Life is Beautiful

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the
world wonder how you did it."- Unknown

"Love is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to

marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards."Unknown

"We fear that which we cannot see"- Unknown

People have hope because they cannot see death standing behind themBleach, Volume 2 Tagline

If it rusts, it can never be trusted/If its owner fails to control it, it will cut
him/Yes, pride is/Like a blade- Bleach, Volume 8 Tagline

We think that a flower on a cliff is beautiful because we stop our feet at the
cliff's edge, unable to step out into the sky like the fearless flower.-Bleach,
Volume 12 Tagline

Those who do not know what love is liken it to beauty. Those who claim to
know what love is liken it to ugliness.-Bleach, Volume 20 Tagline

That deep wound, it's like the sea's abyss/That red guilt, it's not the color of
death.- Bleach, Volume 30 Tagline

"A word to the wise ain't necessary; it's the stupid ones that need advice."Bill Cosby

"He who laughs last didn't get it."- Helen Giangregrio

"Life's journey it not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body,

but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, 'Holy S--, what a
ride!'"- Unknown

"In the driest, whitest stretch of pain's infinite desert, I lost my sanity and
found this rose."- Rumi

Every rose has its thorn/Just like every night has its dawn/Just like every
cowboy sings his sad, sad song/Every rose has its thorn.- Poison

"Love a person for their good; love them even more for their flaws."- Lithius

A light shines in the darkness, but the darkness doesn't understand it.- John
1:5

If it happens, God lets it happen, and when we say, "I don't understand," God
replies, "I don't care."- The Green Mile.

"Never take life seriously, nobody ever gets out alive."- Van Wilder, Van
Wilder

"True strength is being able to hold it all togethor when everything else is
falling apart."- Unknown

"A man said to the universe, "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the universe,
"That fact has not created me a sense of obligation.""- Stephen Crane

"Life is like a video game; the more serious you take it, the harder the rules
get."-The Rogue Stallion

"Live as if you were going to die tomorrow, but learn as if you were going to
live forever."- Unknown

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."-

Albert Einstein

"There is nothing either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so."- William
Shakespear

"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you can't see the pain
someone feels."-Unknown

"There is no person who does not carry scars on their heart. If there were
such a person, they would be a shallow soul."- Hiei

"That's why God put stupid people on the planet, to test the people that
actually have a brain."- Anonymous

"He who is master is not of others but himself. Truly an angel."- Hachirou Kita

"Each coin has two sides, the man lost control of his and I saw a demon."Hachirou Kita

"I saw a winged man, and when I asked him who he was, he said, 'I'm an
angel.'"- Hachirou Kita

"Don not follow where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path
and leave a trail."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Shoot for the moon- you may miss but you'll land among the stars."- Ralph
Waldo Emerson

"To the world you might be one person, to one person you might be the
world."- Heather Cortez

"Sometimes the past hurts too much. That makes you do stupid or impossible
things to try and fix it, but the past is always dead. You can't repair
yesterday."- Sato, Forlorn

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."Unknown

"The planet in not in jeapardy. We are in jeapordy. We haven't got the power
to destroy the planet- or to save it. But we might have the power to save
ourselves."- Jurassic Park

"Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."- R.D. Lang

"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch."- Lily Tomlin

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the
experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disclination to do
so."- Douglas Adams

"Fake friends bail you out of jail and tell you that what you did was wrong,
real friends would sit next to you saying 'Damn we f--ed up, but that shit was
fun!'"- Unknown

"Close your eyes and think it's a bad dream. That's how I get by."- Jack
Sparrow

"There is no point in taking the easy way out. There is no point in running
from our mistakes and flaws. There is a point to rising up and doing what is
right."- Lithius

"If I knew where poems came from, I would go there."- Micheal Langley

"What is this?" said the leopard, "that is so s'clusively dark, and yet so full of
little pieces of light?"- Rudyard Kipling, Just So Stories

"I woke up and knew he was gone. Straightaway I knew he was gone. When
you love somebody you know these things."- David Almond, Skellig

Darkness always had its part to play. Without it, how would we know when we
walked in the light? It's only when its ambitions become too grandiose that it
must be opposed, disciplined- if necessary- brought down for a time. Then it
will rise again, as it must.- Clive Barker, Abarat

"All I need is a sheet of paper and something to write with, and then I can
turn the world upside down."- Friedrich Nietzsche

The strongest memory is weaker/than the palest ink.- Chinese Proverb

"Believe me. Sometimes when life looks to be at its grimmest, there's a light
hidden at the heart of things."- Clive Barker, Abarat

"You never came out the way you came in."- Francis Spufford

"The world existed to be read. And I read it."- L.S. Schwartz

""Hope," is the thing with feathers."- Emily Dickinson

"All writers are lunatics!"- Fenoglio, Inkspell

"When we stare into the eyes of God and say 'I don't want any part of it,' He
turns around and replies 'what choice do you have?,'"-Anonymous

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."- Albus
Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"We are one of only three species on our planet that can claim to be selfaware, yet self-delusion may be a more significant characteristic of our kind."Michael Crichton

"In this secular existence, perfection is an illusion, regardless of those who

utter the contrary; this is the reality: common man seeks it out, they aspire to
acheive it as if it was some tangible thing, but the fact of the matter is
perfection is a hollow shell. It is devoid of any substance. I spit on
perfection."- Mayuri Kurotsuchi, Bleach

Love is rich with both honey and venom- Latin Proverb

"To err is human... but when the eraser runs out, you're doing it too much."Unknown

Death is like God's way of dragging you by the collar up to heaven,

mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..."- Unknown

"Never look down on somebody unless you're helping them up."- Jesse
Jackson

"Courage is being scared to death- and saddling up anyways."- John Wayne

"You can kill the dreamer, but you can't kill the dream."- Martin Luther King Jr.

"Pride sullies the noblest character."- Claudianus

"Every day you make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet, there will
stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever ascending, ever improving
path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far
from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."- Sir William
Churchill

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when
there is nothing left to take away."- Antione de Saint-Exupery

"Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in
anything."- Eugene Delecriox

"Death may be the greatest of all human blessings."- Socrates

"To live, I pretend that the next day will always be better."- Icarus Nolan,
White to Black.

"Being able to sleep at night... I think that's the ultimate achievement of the
day. If there's something haunting you, you can't go to sleep. If that's the
case, I'll take my problems head on so that I'll be able to sleep. If I have to lie
to myself to go to sleep, then so be it."- Icarus Nolan, White to Black

"It is easy enough to be friendly with one's friends. But to befriend the one
who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The
other is mere business."- Mohandas Ghandi

"Not necessity, not desire - no, the love of power is the demon of men. Let
them have everything - health, food, a place to live, entertainment - they are
and remain unhappy and low-spirited: for the demon waits and waits and will
be satisfied."- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Take responsibility for your life. If you're a victim, it's your fault. Stop being a
victim. Get a grip!"- Judge Judith Sheindlin

"Be water, my friend."- Bruce Lee

"Taste is the enemy of creativeness."- Pablo Picasso

"Forgotten is forgiven."- F. Scot Fitzgerald

"It is not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well."- Rene
Descartes

"Ideas do not have to correct in order to be good; it's only necessary that, if
they do fail, they do so in an interesting way."- Robert Rosen

"But I'm not using those lessons just for theorizing about the future, I am
betting on it."- Bill Gates

"The most faithful mirror of the soul is none other than the eye."- Anonymous

"There is a God; you're not him."-Anonymous

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants
woman, as the most dangerous plaything."- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Let those who love us, love us. And those who hate us, may god turn their
hearts, or their ankles, so we might know them."- Irish Proverb

"All good men are happy when they choose to be their own authors. Those
who choose to have others edit their pathways, must live on the edge of
another man's sword."- Julie Arabi

In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who
are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your
vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those
who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's
proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that
travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable
spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet,
the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for
the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road
and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it
is real, it is possible, it's yours.- Ayn Rand

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing
with the enemy.- Henry Kissinger

"Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what
your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever,
after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the
good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings -- that doctrine believe and cling
to, and take it as your guide."- Buddha

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all it's students."- Louis
Hector Berlioz

"Reality is not what you get, but what provides the distractions that keep you
from making your fantasies real."- Unknown

"If life were Easy, It would be no fun."-DALOS

"A battle... is a gamble... where one pits one's existence against another's...

and you try to kill each other... and where only the victor gets to savor the
worth of his existence."- Gaara, Naruto

"A person is smart; people are stupid."- Charles Eggleston

Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best- Chinese Proverb

"The only people who think children are carefree are the ones who've
forgotten their childhood."-Orson Scott Card

"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, there will
be fish."-Ovid

"Loss leaves us empty, but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief.
Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible, but new
joys wait to fill the void."-Pam Brown

The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one

hour -Japanese Proverb

"There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them,
or turn them into literature." -Stephen Stills

With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown -Chinese
Proverb

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of

strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."- Vince Lombardi

"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the

beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and
in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender." -Sir
Winston Churchill

"Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown."-Minnie Louise
Haskins

"80 of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one
book you didnt read." -Unknown

"Life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with
change and the unknown. Given the nature of life, there may be no security,
but only adventure."-Rachel Naomi Remen

"War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is

always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace
by killing each other's children."-Jimmy Carter

"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how
to lie well."-Samuel Butler

"The devil hath power to assume a pleasing shape."-Unknown

"It's not really paranoia when they're really out to get you."- Unknown

"It's a sad and stupid thing if you have to proclaim yourself a revolutionary
just to be a decent man."- David Harris

"In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or

something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the
revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time

and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to
come off badly." -Woody Allen, A Brief Yet Helpful Guide To Civil Disobedience
(Without feathers), 1972

"I hear and I forget; I see and I remember; I do and I understand."- Confucious

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes. But he who does not ask is a fool for
forever."- Confucious

The abscence of proof is not is not the proof of abscence.- Chinese Proverb

"Make happy those who are near, and those that are far will come."Confucious

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. Cleverness is mere opinion,

bewilderment is intuition."- Unknown

God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of
opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly, not one. -Rumi

The idol of your self is the mother of all idols/To regard the self as easy to
subdue is a mistake.- Rumi

"How many times it thundered before Franklin took the hint! How many
apples fell on Newton's head before he took the hint! Nature is always hinting
at us. It hints over and over again. And suddenly we take the hint."- Robert
Frost

"Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do but
gravitation cannot be held responsible for it."- Albert Einstein

"A learning experience is one of those things that say, 'You know that thing
you just did? Don't do that.'"- Douglas Adams

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want caught and
shot now."- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the
Universe is for and why it is there, it will instantly disappear and be replaced
by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory
that states this has already happened."- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,
Douglas Adams

"Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, causes

something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Anything that,
in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again. It doesn't
necessarily do it in chronological order, though."- Mostly Harmless, Douglas
Adams

"Murphy was an optimist."- Smith's Law

"Entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity."- Occam's Razor

"Do not attribute malice that which can be easily explained by stupidity."
Hanlon's Razor

"But the greatest thing by far is to have a command of metaphor. This alone
cannot be imparted by another; it is the mark of genius, for to make good
metaphors implies an eye for resemblances."- Aristotle

Tribulation produces perserverance, and perserverance, character, and

character, hope.- Romans 5:3-4

"Only the dead have seen the end of the war."- Plato

"Shit happens; find a toilet."- Anonymous

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to

be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."- William Jennings Bryan

"You could wait a million years and find Heaven's too far away from you.
Love's just a thing that others do. What is love, till it comes home to you?"
-Arianne, Everything You've Ever Dreamed

"There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished

something." -Henry Ford

"We thought, because we had power, we had wisdom." -Stephan Vincent

Benet

"Perfectionism is simply putting a limit on your future. When you have an idea
of perfect in your mind, you open the door to constantly comparing what you
have now with what you want. That type of self criticism is significantly
deterring." -John Eliot

"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem
more afraid of life than death."-James F. Byrnes

"The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?"Albert Einstein

"Evil is always unspectacular and always human. And shares our bed...and
eats at our table."- W.H. Auden

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."- Confucius

"The house does not rest on the ground, but upon a woman."- Mexican
proverb

"There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their
thoughts."- Voltaire

"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we

become disguised to ourselves."- Franois de la Rochefoucauld

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and
he will tell you the truth."- Oscar Wilde

"Remember that all through history, there have been tyrants and murderers,
and for a time, they seem invincible. But in the end, they always fall.
Always."- Mahatma Ghandi

"Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act, falls the
shadow."- T.S. Eliot

"All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of
secrets."- Cory Doctorow

"If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace."Thomas Paine

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."Mahatma Ghandi

"Nothing is easier than to denounce the evil doer; Nothing more difficult than
understanding him."- Fyodor Dostoevsky

"The noir hero is a knight in blood caked armor. He's dirty and he does his
best to deny the fact that he's a hero the whole time."- Frank Miller

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that
will."- Chuck Palahniuk

"Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a
crime."- Ernest Hemingway

"I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with
decay."- Bob Dylan

"...for he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother."- William
Shakespeare

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the
black flag, and begin to slit throats."- H.L. Mencken

"There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to
the way they were."- President Dwight Eisenhower

"The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each
other."- Mario Puzo

"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no
proof is possible."- Stuart Chase

"The prostitute is not, as feminists claim, the victim of men, but rather their
conqueror, an outlaw, who controls the sexual channels between nature and
culture."- Camille Paglia

"Sometimes there are no words. No clever quotes to neatly sum up what's

happened that day... sometimes the day... just... ends."- Aaron Hotchner

"There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser so terrible as the conscience that

dwells in the heart of every man."- Polybius

"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a
merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around -- and why his
parents will always wave back."- Journalist William D. Tammeus

"In all the darkest pages in the malign supernatural, there is no more terrible
tradition than that of a vampire - a pariah even among demons."- Montague
Summers

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of
power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable
love."- Washington Irving

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate."- Isaac Asimov

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."- Sir
Walter Scott

"The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn't

understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had."- Eric
Schmidt

"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only
their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the
right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." - Paulo Coelho

"I'm telling you this because you don't get it. You think you get it, which is not
the same as actually getting it. Get it? - Kakashi Hatake

"Late to bed, early to rise makes a child appreciate caffeine," - The Sir and
Ma'am Chronicles, Truth Be Told 13

"He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had
refused it." - Dante Alighieri

"Jack of all trades, master of none, though often better than a master of one."
- Unknown

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard

"In Germany, they first came for the communists, and I didn't speak up
because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't
speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and
I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the
Catholics and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Catholic. Then they came
for me - and by that time there was nobody left to speak up." - Martin
Niemller

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist
the black flag, and begin slitting throats." - Henry Louis Mencken

"The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think
things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and
taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he
lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable, and so, if he is romantic, he
tries to change it. And even if he is not romantic personally he is very apt to
spread discontent among those who are." - Henry Louis Mencken

"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral
crisis, maintain their neutrality." -Dante Alighieri

"No sadness is greater than in misery to rehearse memories of joy." - Dante

Alighieri

"The path to paradise begins in hell." - Dante Alighieri

"The man who lies asleep will never waken fame, and his desire and all his
life drift past him like a dream, and the traces of his memory fade from time
like smoke in air, or ripples on a stream." - Dante Alighieri

"If we do not abolish war on this earth, then surely, one day war will abolish
us from this earth." -Harry S. Truman

"The gates of hell are open night and day; Smooth the descent, and easy is
the way: But to return, and view the cheerful skies, in this the task and
mighty labor lies."- Vergil

"Who was it who warned, be careful what you wish for? Whoever they were,
I'd like to crush them under a mountain of boulders. Tear out all their innards.
Roast them over searing hot flames. And then... I'd tell them they were right."
- Basil

"I don't mind being corrected. Not at all. Except, of course, when it happens
in public or private." - Basil

"Insanity is irrelevant. What matters is who has who locked in what cage." Ray Bradbury

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't
exist." - The Usual Suspects

"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's
how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day
once. Am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything
changed." - The Joker, Batman

"Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely, or
to think sanely under the influence of great fear." Bertrand Russell

"All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream." Edgar Allen Poe

"I turn away from stars that may have burned out aeons ago. I no longer wish
to look at them. I no longer wish to look at dead things." Dr. Manhattan in
Alan Moores Watchman

"Faithless are those who bid farewell when the road darkens." J.R.R. Tolken

"Anyone in the United States today who isnt paranoid must be crazy."
Robert Anton Wilson

"And the wild regrets and the bloody sweats, none knew so well as I...That he
who lives more lives than one, more than one shall die." - Oscar Wilde

"Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of
desire, I hold with those who favor fire." - Robert Frost

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other human
invention in historywith the possible exception of handguns and tequila."
Mitch Ratcliffe

"Never forget me, forget me never, but if you forget me, forget me forever." Unknown

"But of course I'm out of my mind! Do you know how dark is in there? It's
creepy" - Ofunu

"You have to take the good with the bad, Smile when your sad, Love what
you've got, and remember what you've had. Always forgive but never forget,
Learn from your mistakes But never regret. People change, things go
wrong.Just remember, Life goes on." - Daniela X. Daraz

"Pride is tasteless, sizeless, and colorless, but it's the hardest thing to
swallow." - Unknown

"The hardest battle you're ever going to fight ... is the battle to just be you." Unknown

"Here's to the crazy ones! The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The
ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no
respect for the status quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify,
or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they
change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see
them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy
enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do." - Unknown

'When I ran, I didnt feel like a runaway. When I escaped, I didnt feel like I got
away. Theres more to living than only surviving, Maybe Im not there but Im
still trying." - Unknown

"Forever and anon, we dance the endless waltz of centuries... All is laughter
as we fall to the endless sound of rain..." - Unknown

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." - Unknown

"Give me your pain, your regrets and your fears. And I'll show the meaning of
loss." - Unknown

"Tomorrow, remembers today's efforts even if you don't. So strive, do your

best, because the future never forgets." - Unknown

"We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them.
There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would
cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death." - Leo F.
Buscaglia

"Everyone has a mask. One we let others label us as. One we pretend what
we are for our sanity and one that hides the truths that we hide from
ourselves. We wear many layers of masks, all of them shielding us from
something; whether its ourselves or the world. We wear these masks for
many reasons, most of us for hiding our secrets, insecurities and fears.
However, like some I wear a mask to save myself from pain. Of both heart
and body, but with time these masks erode, corrupting or weakening or
enlightening us. To cast aside a mask is like to cast aside safety, familiarity,
and control. We would face judgment. It remains to be seen how the world
would change around us. We fear the uncontrollable, the unpredictable and
the unknown. That is why we wear masks for the sake of power over these
fears." - Unknown

"If you show a gun in the first act it had better have been fired by the third
act."- Alfred Hitchcock

"Have the courage to live. Anyone can die."-Robert Cody

"Innocence is like polished armour; it adorns and defends."- Robert South

"Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able
to."-Sophocles

"The most powerful force in the universe is gossip."-Dave Barry

"I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for
the adventure of being alive."-Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here. I want to know
if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back."-Oriah
Mountain Dreamer

"I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away."Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"A man who trusts in luck better have plenty of it."-Zedd, Legend of the
Seeker

"One agonizing journey down the gauntlet of youth is enough for any man."Zedd, Legend of the Seeker

"There is no greater hell than being a prisoner of fear."- Ben Johnson

"The significance of a man is not in what he attains but in what he longs to

attain." Kahlil Gibran

"He who opens a school door, closes a prison."- Victor Hugo

"Women have wonderful instincts about things. They can discover everything
except the obvious."- Oscar Wilde

"He who exercises no forethought but makes light of his opponents is sure to
be captured by them."- Sun Tzu

"It is not true that life is one damn thing after anotherit is one damn thing
over and over."- Edna St. Vincent Milay

"The only people who are good at their jobs are the ones that put their heart
into it," -Lithius

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is the
noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; third, by experience,
which is the bitterest." - Confucious

"Life is not easy for any of us? But what of it? We must have perserverance
and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe we are gifted for
something and that things must be attained." - Marie Curie

"Keep fighting for the things you believe in. You will lose, as I did, every
battle. There is only one you can possibly win: the one you engage every
morning, when you shave in front of the mirror. If you can stare at your
reflection without shame, be content with yourselves." Indro Montanelli - The
Room - 02/20/1996

"Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water,
about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope."- Hal
Lindsey

"There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home. When
you've lost it all, that's when you finally realize that life is beautiful."- Nikki
Sixx

Extras and Funny Lists I Have Found:

MURPHY'S LAWS

THE PRIME AXIOM: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go
wrong, will.

2. If the possibility exists of several things going wrong, the one that will go
wrong is the one that will do the most damage.

3. Everything will go wrong at one time.

-3.1 That time is always when you least expect it.

4. If nothing can go wrong, something will.

5. Nothing is as easy as it looks.

6. Everything takes longer than you think.

7. Left to themselves, things always go from bad to worse.

8. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

9. Given the most inappropriate time for something to go wrong, that's when

it will occur.

10. Mother Nature is a bitch.

-10.1 The universe is not indifferent to intelligence, it is actively hostile to it.

11. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked

something.

12. If in any problem you find yourself doing an immense amount of work, the
answer can be obtained by simple inspection.

13. Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to
make it complex and wonderful.

14. If it doesn't fit, use a bigger hammer.

15. In an instrument or device characterized by a number of plus-or-minus

errors, the total error will be the sum of all the errors adding in the same
direction.

16. In any given calculation, the fault will never be placed if more than one
person is involved.
-16.1 In any given discovery, the credit will never be properly placed if more
than one person is involved.

17. All warranty and guarantee clauses become invalid upon payment of the
final invoice.

18. Murphy's Law: "If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of
those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."

The Laws of Anime Version 6.0

Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito

#1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation

Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered
airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

#3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics

In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air
to get in the way.

#4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion

In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion

The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are
the fastest objects known to human science.

#6. Law of Temporal Variability

Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something
'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being
killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7. First Law of Temporal Mortality

'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they
don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character
gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the
toast always lands butter side down.

#8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality

It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even
when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it
takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief
that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either stillframes or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity

Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy'
in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11. Law of Inherent Combustability

Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these
cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission

Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13. Law of Energetic Emission

There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy
'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive
qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent
Combustability.

#14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude

The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know
as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15. Law of Inexhaustability

No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are
cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16. Law of Inverse Accuracy

The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases
as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when
operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also
known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a
moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a
'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit
anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds,
the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out
with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a
designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,
which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than
driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery,
or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

#17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability

Minmei is a bimbo.

#18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity

The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under
high pressure.

#19. Law of Demonic Consistency

Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of
fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can
only be hurt by bladed weapons.

#20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability

Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of
cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a
single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

#21. Law of Tactical Unreliability

Tactical geniuses aren't...

#22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability

People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the
size of Seattle.

#23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality

Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

#24. Law of Americanthropomorphism

Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny
'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green
Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.

#25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which
they are speaking or eating.

#26. Law of Feline Mutation

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27. Law of Conservation of Firepower

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single
shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

#28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely
proportional to its complexity.

#29. Law of Melee Luminescence

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or
violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually
blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being

higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on
destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color
can change without warning or explanation.

#32. Law of Follicular Permanence

Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of
meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive
effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same
way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics

ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically
aerodynamic.

#34. Law of Probable Attire

Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether
it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's
clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also
known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long
cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind
him.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to

extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm
clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.

#35. Law of Musical Omnipotence

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.)
is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting
mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if
they have never attempted these things before.

#36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination

Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends
to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which
include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

#37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable
volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve
any object at a moment's notice.

First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy
mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves
it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and
large bazookas.

#38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several
gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure
through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is
unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes
is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is
located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or
worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous
fluid.

#39. Law of Inverse Attraction

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how
desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...

#40. Law of Nasal Sanguination

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get
nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests
that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38
above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that
region.

#41. Law of Xylolaceration

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and
twice the angst.

#43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia

There is no Law #43.

#44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly
proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

#45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many
times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine
transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46. Law of Flimsy Incognition

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you
utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to

have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with
extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the
phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character
(usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or

burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched,
seconds later, your skin wont have a trace of damage (Also known as the
"Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind,
or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to
be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut

and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This
may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he

will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can
perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever
(Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always
deserves it, and will help him to cope in todays society. (>Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and
are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear
VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture

of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile
attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at
which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times theyve
seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the
incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything
to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged
something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHOS
TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just dont give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesnt react are:
1) Theyre preoccupied with doing something else.
2) Theyd rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just dont give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable
spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short,
bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of
those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc.,
there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it
ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes
special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent

powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good
Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and
not use it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
b)The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled"
by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than
one sixth of the faces total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde
woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,

resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
b)A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-asingle-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of

ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will
always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots.
(Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male characters

attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue
them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of
willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru,
and Carrot couldnt get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in

an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body
contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a
degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3
years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the
needs of the few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended
to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even
animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes
accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the

joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as
seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong
(despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to
hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as
cruel such as pinching the guys face so hard that it changes shape. (see law
#49)

#66- Law of Differentiated GravitationFirst Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than
two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at
least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance
to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec)
is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking
lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately
1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law
exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force,
thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity
potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation

where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guys" Style
Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In
any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes
out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient
Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in
the "Good Guys" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well

defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort
always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.

First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and
Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to
be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to
the complexity and lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the characters consent. This
does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in
situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance
with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In

any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a
corresponding increase in the "Good Guys" Style Coefficient, not only does
the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor
increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic

occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that
is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a
meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background
Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the
bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character

witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of
questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into
an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge
Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with.
(see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a

head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly
appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross
fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the characters
next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of
magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a
suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and
defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing
both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in
fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime.

When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men
mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and
exposition),
b) Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero

can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic
silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to
remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because
everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor
Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE
character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear
warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the
hard way that it just doesnt work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of

ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captains cap, a long overcoat, and
have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician.
If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed,
and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great
tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool,
even if youre normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of
a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will

become possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-thats impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late
that he is wrong and will invariably be toasted.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or

outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he
never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of
seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually
succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because
theyve never won against the "Good Guy" (because theyre Eeeviiil!!). They
usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom
and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
b) Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toasted.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects

sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal.
Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild
electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and
very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously
large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even
have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would
accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the

following characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of
8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or
sensitive vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of

appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of

a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to
have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero
of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is
following him around is there because:
1) Its his girlfriends.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a
cat, cute lil mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any
animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is
there because:
1) Its her boyfriends.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of
ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes
things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb
Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this
ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will
rape any human female, regardless of age ("Shes 18! No! Really, she is! Im
not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls
eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted
through the skin of the tentacle...

Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never

experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable
(Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human relations
is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each
other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that
property damage begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a
distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor
that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone
within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss
Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or

spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctors assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation

4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklines- Whenever a character of the main characters

interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear
around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it
is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory:
Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can
happen.

Murphy's War Law

1. Friendly fire - isn't.

2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.

3. Suppressive fires - won't.

4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to
waste a bullet on you.

8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.If you are forward of your
position, your artillery will fall short.

9. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

10. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

11. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

12. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

13. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

14. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:

-when they're ready.
-when you're not.

15. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

16. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

17. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.

18. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

19. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

The Ol' Ranger's addendum: Or else they're trying to suck you into a serious
ambush!

20. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

21. The easy way is always mined.

22. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

23. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire... For this reason, it is not at all
uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

24. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

25. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

26. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

27. Incoming fire has the right of way.

28. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

29. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

30. If the enemy is within range, so are you.

31. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming
friendly fire.

32. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

33. Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.

34. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

35. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during
both).

36. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

37. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get
out.

38. Tracers work both ways.

39. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than
your fair share of objectives to take.

40. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

41. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous

amateurs.

42. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

43. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

44. Weather ain't neutral.

45. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.

46. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies
high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.'

47. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

48. Napalm is an area support weapon.

49. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

50. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

51. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

52. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

53. The one item you need is always in short supply.

54. Interchangeable parts aren't.

55. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it
may concern" you've got to think about.

56. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

57. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

58. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

59. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

60. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never
stay awake when you can sleep.

61. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map
and a compass.

62. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

63. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the
Colonel's HQ.

64. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

65. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

66. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

67. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

68. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.

69. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

70. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be
repaired.

71. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the

weapon's operator.

72. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

73. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

74. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

75. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).

76. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

77. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most
important ones are always illegible.

78. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

79. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what
they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.

80. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism, to steal

information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

81. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

82. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that bill is filled
by someone else.

83. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to
attack, when you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack
that night.

84. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of
Honor.

85. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan,
stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

86. Murphy was a grunt.

87. Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

88. Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37
enemies killed in action.

89. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than
your jumping range.

90. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.

91. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of

its outfit and appearance.

92. The crucial round is a dud.

93. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.

94. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.

95. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to
do anything.

96. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy
assault on, he will bypass you, if your ambush is properly set the enemy
won't walk into it, if your flank march is going well the enemy expects you to
outflank him.

97. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

98. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

99. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered
to carry out.

100. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position

in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).

101. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

102. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General
is watching.

103. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on
an unsecured channel.

104. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and
grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands right
at your feet.

105. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.

106. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

107. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to

the distance to any form of cover.

108. Walking point = sniper bait.

109. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching
that day.

110. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a
stupid solution.

111. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

112. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

113. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already
mined it.

114. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy
somebody else to shoot at.

115. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

116. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

117. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

118. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned
positions.

119. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at
you... and miss.

120. Don't be conspicuous; in the combat zone it draws fire, out of the
combat zone it draws sergeants, if they can see you, so can the enemy... All
or any of the above combined.

121. Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.

122. Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your
life.

123. Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't
be short is the ration of shit.

124. Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you
may go if killed.

125. A half filled canteen is a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon.

126. When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not
miss tomorrow.

127. It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.

128. If you survive an ambush, something's wrong.

129. If you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see
yours too.

130. Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding
area; they illuminate you too.

131. Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass
Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas.

132. There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead,
you're dead, or both.
Addendum: When he's not there, when you're not there, or both.

133. Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're
one of the casualties. Even using his cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot
"just in case."

134. You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first.

135. Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up.

136. You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your
own rear services.

137. You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks
yours is better; you're both right.

138. Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and
an uninterrupted night's sleep.

139. "Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms.

140. Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good
idea.

141. NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy.

142. Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best
interest.

143. Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.

144. If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably
do not have what they need.

145. If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part.

146. Happiness is a belt fed weapon.

147. Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day
beats the alternative.

148. If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.

149. Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better
than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these,
however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of
fish in them.

150. A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.

151. Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at
the end of the day is better.

152. Being shot hurts.

153. Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day, a few were
even awarded.

154. There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the
rules.

155. C-4 can make a dull day fun.

156. There is no such thing as a fair fight -- only ones where you win or lose.

157. If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils.

158. If you lose you don't care.

159. Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do
tomorrow, what is important is what you are doing -- NOW -- to solve our
problem.

160. Always make sure someone has a can opener.

161. Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.

162. Flying is better than walking, walking is better than running, running is
better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a
Med-Evac even if it is technically, is a form of flying.

163. If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully
come home either.

164. Carrying any weapon that you weren't issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is
NOT A GOOD IDEA!
-A combat vet will know the sound of an unfamiliar weapon in an instant and
will point and shoot.
-Not only that, AKs use green tracers which mean "shoot 'em all and let God

sort them out".

165. As has been noted, "Friendly fire isn't!"

Laws to live by:

Murphy's law: 1. If anything can go wrong, it will." 2. "If there's more than one
possible outcome of a job or task, and one of those outcomes will result in
disaster or an undesirable consequence, then somebody will do it that way"
3. "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in
the worst possible way."

Godwin's Rule of Nazi Analogies: As a discussion grows longer, the probability

of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.

Hanlon's razor: 1. Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately

explained by stupidity. 2. Never assume malice when stupidity will suffice.

Amara's Law: "We tend to overestimate the effect of a technology in the short
run and underestimate the effect in the long run.

Benford's law of controversy: The Passion of an arguement is inversely

proportional to the amount of real information available.

Dilbert Principal: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to

the place where they can do the least damage: management.

Gall's Law: "A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved
from a simple system that worked."

Herblock's Law: If it's good, they'll stop making it.

Hutber's Law: "Improvement means deterioration".

Littlewood's Law: Individuals can expect a miracle to happen to them at the

rate of about one per month.

Meadow's Law: One is a tragedy, two is suspicious and three is murder, until
proved otherwise.

Muphry's Law: If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there

will be a fault of some kind in what you have written.

Okrent's Law: The pursuit of balance can create imbalance because

sometimes something is true.

Parkingson's Law:Work expands so as to fill the time available for its

completion.

Peter's Principle: In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of

incompetence.

Reilly's Law: People generally patronize the largest mall in the area.

Roemer's Law: A hospital bed built is a bed filled

Rothbard's Law: Everyone specializes in his own area of weakness.

Sayre's Law: "In any dispute the intensity of feeling is inversely proportional

to the value of the stakes at issue." By way of corollary, the law adds: "That is
why academic politics are so bitter."

Schneier's Law: Any person can invent a security system so clever that she or
he can't think of how to break it.

Segal's Law A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two
watches is never sure."

Skitt's Law: a corollary of Muphry's law, variously expressed as "any post

correcting an error in another post will contain at least one error itself" or "the
likelihood of an error in a post is directly proportional to the embarrassment it
will cause the poster."

Stigler's Law: No scientific discovery is named after its original discoverer.

Sturgeon's Revelation: 90 percent of everything is crap.

Sutton's Law: Go where the money is.

Wiener's Law: There are no answers, only cross-references.

69 Ways to Know If You Are a Douchebag

The worst thing about douchebags is that they seem to be spreading. As

being stupid and listening to shitty music become more popular, more guys
have been going to "salons" for manicures, spray-on tans, or both. Don't
allow yourself to become a douchebag! Read our list of possible douchebag
symptoms, if you find yourself guilty of anything here, you have a few
options: 1.) Stop performing that action! It will move you in the right direction
to becoming a functioning member of society. Or 2.) End your own life. For

the good of society, please prevent this from becoming an unstoppable

epidemic.

You are probably a douchebag if...

1.) You Wear Sunglasses At Night

2.) You Refuse To Wear T-Shirts Since They Are "Un-Collar-Poppable"

3.) You Get Offended By "My New Haircut"

4.) You Wear A Shirt Infrequently

5.) You Refer To Girls As "Bitties"

6.) You Own A Comb That You Carry On You At All Times

7.) You Go Tanning

8.) You Own More Than 10 Pairs Of Flip Flops

9.) You Think Dane Cook Is God

10.) You Work At Abercrombie And Fitch And Are Older Than 19

11.) You Own An Abercrombie And Fitch Credit Card

12.) You Order Salad As An Entree

13.) You Own Neckwear And It's A Crucifix But You Haven't Been To Church
Since Christmas And You Love Drinking And Pre-Marital Sex

14.) You Start Fights Over The Best Brand Of Whey Protein

15.) You Start Fights In General

16.) You Only Drink Coors Light

17.) You Refer To Things You Don't Like As "Gay"

18.) You've Worn A Basketball Jersey To School

19.) You Mooch Off Your Parents And Still Treat Them Like Crap

20.) You Own A Scarface Poster

21.) Your Computer's Wallpaper Is A Naked Girl

22.) You Prominently Display Condoms In Your Room

23.) The Amount Of Books You've Read Is Less Than The Amount Of Cell
Phones You've Owned

24.) You Refer To Your Male Friends As Your "Boys" On A Regular Basis

25.) You've Spent More Than 5 Minutes "Pimping Out" Your Myspace Page

26.) You Refer To Your Myspace Page As "Pimped Out"

27.) You Put Rims On The Camry Your Dad Bought You

28.) You Still Quote Anchorman, Old School, and Napoleon Dynamite

29.) You "Love The Yankees" But Can Only Name A-Rod And Derek Jeter As
Currently Playing For Them

30.) You've Said Your Frat Is "Just Like The One In Animal House, Bro"

31.) You've Ever Worn Just A Wife Beater Anywhere

32.) You Claim To Be Italian Although You've Never Been To Italy And Your Last
Native Italian Relative Came To America In 1900

33.) The Amount Of Hair Gel On Your Head Could Properly Lubricate An M-1
Abrams Tank

34.) You've Ever Complimented Another Guy On How Ripped His "Pecs Look"

35.) You Own "Growing Up Gotti" On DVD

36.) You've Ever Purchased Pre-Ripped Jeans Solely Because You Love The
Pre-Ripped Look

37.) You Sport This Haircut:

38.) You're In This Picture:

39.) You Think Your Life Is Remarkably Similar To "Entourage" and have ever
said "You KNOW that'll be us someday, bro."

40.) You've Ever Taken A Picture Of Yourself Shirtless For The Purpose Of
Distributing It On The Internet

41.) You've Ever Said "I Liked That Band BEFORE They Were Famous"

42.) You Started Taking Guitar Lessons Simply So You Could Play Dave
Matthews Band's "Crash" At Parties

43.) You Yell "Freebird!" At Every Concert You Attend

44.) Your Wallet Is Attached To Your Pants Via Wallet Chain You Bought At Hot
Topic

45.) In Every Picture Of You, You Flash The Backwards "Peace Sign"

46.) You Work At Hot Topic And Are Older Than 19

47.) You Shop At Hot Topic

48.) You've Ever Blamed Climate Change On "Those Republican Assholes" But

Haven't Changed Your Lifestyle In Any Way To Combat The Effects Of Global
Warming

49.) You Wear The Shirt Of The Band You're Going To See

50.) You Check Out Your "Guns" In The Reflection Of Parked Car Windows

51.) The Name Of Your Car Is Pasted Across The Windshield

52.) You Own More Than Zero Pairs Of "Crocs"

53.) You Spend More Time At The Gym Than You Do Working At A Job

54.) The Majority Of Your Sentences Begin And End With The Words "Dude"
"Bro" And/Or "Yo."

55.) You Become Absurdly Angry When A Teammate On Your Recreational

Softball/Rollerhockey/Flag Football Team Makes An imperfect Play

56.) Your Hollister Co. Shirt Would Be Snug On A Kindergartner

57.) You Reminisce About How Awesome Your High School Gym Class Touch
Football Team Was

58.) You Have A Bumper Sticker That Says "Tell your girlfriend I said thanks."

59.) You Have Pictures Of Muscular Guys In Your Room And Justify It By
Saying, "Yo dude, it's just for motivation, bro," And No One Questions You
Because You're Being Completely Honest

60.) You're Violently Protective Of Your Community College

61.) You're Chugging A Beer In Your Facebook Picture

62.) You're Not Wearing A Shirt In Your Facebook Picture

63.) You're Chugging A Beer Whilst Shirtless In Your Facebook Picture

64.) The Amount Of Jewelry You Own Would Make Xerxes From "300" Jealous

65.) You Own More Than Zero Flat Brimmed Baseball Caps

66.) Your Chest Is Bigger Than Your Girlfriends

67.) You Cock Your Head In Every Picture Taken Of You

68.) You Always Do The Hand-Shake-Hug Even With People Who You Probably
Shouldn't

69.) You've Been Able To Emphatically Answer Yes To More Than A Good
Amount Of What I've Just Listed

Man Law

1. No wasted beer in the name of humour.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male
have to pay for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she
can be touched. If he breaks up with her its a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving
male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find
other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with
his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full
responsibility of driving his friends home)

5. Short shorts have been banned Unless in a participating in a sporting

event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to
pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with
three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered
cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the
one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass.
This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is
the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two

in his pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate
need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then
youre not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a
comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the

borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then
he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks,
you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are
required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more
than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly
friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is
you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As
men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing
that the favour will one day be replayed.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun
can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to
run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it
arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets
shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of
the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of
paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row
then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match
in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl
hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare
her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides

to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger

they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back.
Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to
original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC
cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun
the next ride unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesnt care about
muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it
has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and
somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply
walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a
downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any
other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in
sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully
aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being
ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not
count rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number
of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E Girls
Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet or if a man is
figuratively in a girls pants (Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should
pop his collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his
hands down his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two
types of booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For
no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also
no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any
other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or
dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any
variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say
"I'm Sorry"

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot
she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are
separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side
Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.

30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans
attempt at getting some tang. Lets just leave that up to the tangs fat friend.
Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status
and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.

31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though
multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any

debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child
in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if
done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious
extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the
assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a
building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than
one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he
clearly doesnt mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child
to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used
is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is
only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman,
defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but
no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the
crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is
using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.

33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any

circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is
a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if
the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is
void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it
will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning
of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same
effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided
the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of
punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the

title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the
severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a
token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support
the troops, even if you dont agree with the war they are your country men
fighting to protect you and you should show them your support

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner
cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may
take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parents house past the age of 27 unless they
are ill or he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you
like this". And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important then talking

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "its not their brand."

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in
your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair
game shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the
region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a
football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the
temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its
counterpart, cold pizza.

53. If you spill a mans beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach

lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you cant drink it in said time,
dont open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for
review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a mans responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer
cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into
neighbours lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is

humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given
leeway.

59. The bachelors party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. Its understood that said friend
will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement
beer be of a lesser quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless its to increase his chances with a
member of the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if its on game day and to support
his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys night out. This is punishable by
verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, its not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to
scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless its for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression

shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts
alone.

69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with
another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it
involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer,
food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible.
Besides, sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage
fridge. It is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man
law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private.
Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a
"higher" man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feetcrossed, no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with
other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it
is perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the
same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the
following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice
Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment
that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that
animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are
monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless

beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor)
fruit flavoured that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television
remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.

1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.

2. Your date is using her teeth.

3. Anna Kournikova gets married (females identity is subject to change

depending on time period Man Law is read).

86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is

also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no
eye-toeye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs,
nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a
power tool to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex
with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any
swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO.

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know
how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is
determined.

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk
unless it was a bet.

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not
provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to
deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in
Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the
biggest rack you ever saw".

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without
recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out
"bullshit!" (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5
minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is
forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car,
firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky"
are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend
of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get
carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal
is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies

until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a
Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. (In fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat,
even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose
playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser
friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to
warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your
buddy in favour of better athletes - as long as you dont let him be the last
sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is
withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a
massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with
limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks
its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go
at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on
her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patricks Day. And as such said people must
consume alcohol on St. Patricks Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be
worn, but no glitter.

112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible,
hole to hole or pole to pole is only acceptable. If it is pole to pole no eye
contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking
men, possible labels such as "Fag" may be deemed necessary. Resulting
immediate demotion in man status.

RULES
You must fill out EVERY question! No skipping!
Copy and paste this on your profile!

ARE YOU?

1. Perfect? I wish...
2. Tall? 5' 8", Not as tall as I'd like to be.
3. In your pajamas? Yes.
4. Left handed? I'm beyond right sided, so no.

LAST:

1. Friend you saw: Charles

3. Person to text you: Father
4. Was today better than yesterday? A little. Got more sleep than normal,
which was nice.

FAVORITES:

1. Number: 42
2. Color(s): Electric Blue, Black, White
3. Fruit: Grapes, Apples, Oranges, Blueberries, Strawberries, Blackberries,
Raspberries, etc. I hate bananas.
4. Place: Somewhere secluded and out of town.

EIGHT EMOTIONS:

1. Are you missing someone right now? I miss a lot of people. Certain people
I'll never see again, and I'll always miss them.
2. Are you happy? It's up and down.
3. Are you sad? Not at this moment.
4. Are you bored? Something like that...
6. Are you nervous? I'm not nervous enough, actually.
8. Are you tired? I should thank the energy drink fairy later...

ABOUT YOU:

1.Real name? Not important.

2. Nick names? None that have stuck. Lithius has been popular lately.
3. Eye color? Green/Grey
4. Zodiac sign? Capricorn.
5. Male or female? Male.
6. Slut? Quite the opposite.
7. Smart? I Have a high I.Q. and common sense when I desire to use either.

8. Hair color? Dirty-Dishwater Blond

9. Long or short? Short. My hair is naturally frizzy and messy. So also include
a hat in you mental picture
10. Sweats or Jeans? Jeans for the win.
11. Phone or Camera? Phone because I couldn't take a picture to save my life.
12. Drink or Smoke? I love vodka, rum, schnapps, and jaeger; I've also taken
to whiskey tasting; I don't really like scotch; though I like a good drink, I've
only been drunk once in my life. Once every blue moon I'll go to a hookah
bar.
13. Righty or lefty? Uh, what do you mean by that?

FIRSTS:

1. First best friend? Zachary

2. First crush? Kiddie Crush? Can't remember. Bonafide? Lena
3. First pet? Can't remember. I've had too many. My favorite, however, is our
bulldog Lulu.
4. First big vacation? Texas at several months old.

CURRENTLY:

1. Eating? Nothing, but a Hot Pocket sounds damn good right now...
2. Drinking? Sunny D
3. I'm about to: Head to bed here in a bit.
4. Listening to? My extensive music library.
5. Plans for today? Sleeping before work.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

1. Shorter or taller? Doesn't matter to me.

2. Romantic or spontaneous? Romantic. I love slow but deep relationships.
3. Sensitive or loud? I could date either. I'm a sweet and spicy kinda' guy.
4. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship. I don't have the heart for a hook-up.

HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Drank bubbles? No, thank God.

2. Lost glasses/contacts? I've lost four pairs of glasses. One in a lake,
destroyed two, and lost the last set.
3. Ran away from home? No, I couldn't stay awake to do it when I was
younger.
4. Broken someone's heart? Yeah... I'd prefer not to think about it.
5. Been arrested? No, but I've had close calls due to my obliviousness; I broke
about thirteen to fifteen laws in a span of five minutes, but the cops let me go
due to how pathetic I looked.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

1. Miracles? Yes, anything can work against the odds.

2. Yourself? Sometimes. It can be hard some days; others, I feel like I can do
anything.
3. Heaven? Yes.
4. Santa Claus? He may've took the orders, but the parents did the shopping.
4. Love? Yes, it's a very misunderstood concept these days. My definition
might be a little different than everyone else's.
5. Do you like someone? No, not at this moment. I've had too many broken
hearts for my taste, so I'm cautious as hell right now about who I like.

6. Do you believe in God? Yes, simply because there are things science has
yet to fully explain.
7. Answered the truth on all questions? To the best of my ability.

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of

Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs

heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions
that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of
these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the

volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then
the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year

that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into
account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it
is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,
last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."