Badass vs.

Chicken

Things Badass-Aliya loves:

Roller coasters
Driving at 75 miles per hour at night blasting the radio
Not caring what people think shes wearing
Being confident
Standing up for herself and her friends

Things Chicken-Aliya is scared of:

Her eyeliner doing that thing where it disappears right under her tear duct and becoming

a total disaster
Asking a question in Chemistry/Calculus in case she delays the lesson plan
Scary movies
Causing any trouble
Think of what a badass looks like. Leather jacket, black hair, eat-my-shorts facial

expression, and a hell of a right hook. You wouldnt think of a tiny, fiery teenager, would you? My
friend Marina told the annoying kid in English to shut up, shouting: We dont need to hear your
conversation! My friend Asa openly talks about her non-NSFW love life in front of her aunt, and
I couldnt even dream of speaking with that much ease about myromancesin front of my

parents. This was one of the initial reasons I saw a therapist. My mom would ask me So, any
boys? and I would get so uncomfortable and I would be screaming inside for her to just stop;
anything to get this conversation over with. I tried to avoid those talks as much as possible and I
would dread the thirty or forty minute drives to orchestra or cello lessons where we would be
locked in a car together and she might start talking about guys. My half-sister confides in Mom.
Moms younger and older friends talk to her all the time about their problems, her students open
up about their lives in a heartbeat, and even my friend who we were giving a ride told my mom
about her crush. I thought how it was so strange that it seemed everyone in the world could
come right up and talk to her about themselves, but her own daughter was the only one who
didnt want to.
Being honest is something Im working on. It starts with me; I have to start being honest
about myself and letting people know what my priorities are, before I can spread my honesty
wings. And for me, being completely honest is the sign of a true badass. When I was in my
seventh grade lying phase, I would lie to cover up something I was too scared to tell my parents
about. I was scared. I lied because I was a chicken (In a Native American tribe in the
seventeenth century, I would be scorned by society for my weakness in addition to being kicked
out; Im glad I didnt know that). I think you sometimes have to equate being honest with being
brave. Luckily, I learned somewhat from that experience and I try to be as open as possible.
As someone who attempts to adopt the ethical code of a comic book hero, it would only
make sense for me to be completely morally centered, right? A badass takes responsibility and
fixes the problem; a chicken blames it on someone else. A badass knows whats right, and will
stick with what they know even in the face of being called out by an entire classroom; a chicken
will easily bow to everyone elses views just to agree. Being a badass sounds so attractive,
right? I want to be a badass. But knowing myself, Im going to be a chicken sometimes. I just
know it. I know that if someone yells at me, I might be too scared to stand up for myself. If I
dont like how my friends are acting I might not tell them because Im too scared. The chicken
will win over the badass.

There will be days when Im a badass; there have already been days when Ive been a
badass. In eighth grade, I stopped some scrubs from screwing around with this kid who was just
trying to get his bike down the sidewalk. It was the place the semi-popular and popular groups
of eighth graders hung out before the nearby gate was unlocked and opened into the main
hallway. All these groups had let this kid be harassed until I threw down my backpack, strode
up, yelled a little, swatted a couple of hands, and ended the entire ordeal in less than a minute. I
walked back to where my semi-popular friends were standing and I could feel all the other kids
looking at me as if Id walked passed them without any clothes on. What happened? they
asked, as if Id done something wrong, as if Id just gone and punched the kid in the face. Hadnt
they seen how this guy was being treated? Did they not see that he wasnt okay with it? Were
they so narrow-minded as to not think about how he felt when those idiots pushed his bike back
uphill?
Im not making myself out to be some sort of hero. Im not. That day, I was a badass.
Other days, I will be a chicken. And thats just how its going to be.

My English teacher is kind of the best example of a badass I can think of. Ms. Carrigan
doesnt care what her class thinks of her, but actually has a great fear of public speaking. She
explained this to us by saying how shes not afraid of speaking in front of teenagers because
were stupid, but her peers are on the same level of intellect. She openly calls for a revision of
the California state school standards. She is a feminist and is not afraid to say or stand up for
the things she believes in. She is incredibly smart, from knowing when shes being screwed
over to finding the most hidden of meanings in AP prompts. She is well-versed with the
treacherous world of teaching, and even worse, the world of teaching AP classes. AP classes
are filled with kids who either feel entitled to give their opinion on anything, or are too scared of
everything to speak. There are people in my classes who I have only seen laugh and it disturbs
me.
Ms. Carrigan is not a perfect person. She tells us about her flaws, and they are revealed
on bad days. She can be a chicken. But her badass traits are some of the most noble I have

ever seen. I think this is what separates the chickens from the badasses. Chickens can have
their shining moments of glory, but they shy away too often. Badasses will fail on occasion but
are usually always there, ready to roll.
I cannot consider myself either or because I have an annoyingly perfect balance of
chicken and badass. The thing is, both are such an essential part of who I am that I think Id be
lying if I told someone I was strictly a badass or a chicken.
A mathematical aside: in Calculus, there are two concepts called derivatives and
integrals. For those of you who havent gotten to Calculus, well just say that they are pretty
much opposites. You do a certain process to solve a derivative and you do the exact opposite of
that process to solve an integral. When mathematicians were first experimenting with Calculus,
they split the subject into two types: Differential Calculus and Integral Calculus. They were
considered completely different until a very important and very smart person related the two
topics together and showed that they were much more closely related than the mathematical
crowd had thought. Theres even two fundamental theorems to prove it.
As it turns out, derivatives and integrals are kind of like Yin and Yang. There is no one
without the other. Derivatives and Integrals are an essential part of Calculus, just like Badass
and Chicken are an essential part of me. There is no one without the other; they complement
each other, surprisingly enough. Who wouldve thought opposites could so perfectly exist
together?
You cant tell, but in the picture, Im having the time of my life. My eyes started tearing up
because we were going so fast and I was screaming from the sheer delight I was feeling. I am
not at all scared.
Photo Credit: Space Mountain Camera