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by It Is Written
P.O. Box 6, Chattanooga, TN 37401

Copyright 2017 by It Is Written. All rights reserved.

Edited by Kimberly B. Harris.
Cover design and layout by Michael Prewitt.

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host of other spiritual resources are available
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Unless otherwise noted, all Bible texts are from the

Authorized King James Version or from the
New King James Version, copyright 1979, 1980, 1982
by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission.

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 978-1-944307-95-0
 Contents
Coping With Grief
Is There Hope?
FIRST GOAL OF GRIEF: Believe It Actually Happened
SECOND GOAL OF GRIEF: Be Willing to Experience the Pain
THIRD GOAL OF GRIEF: Make Adjustments
FOURTH GOAL OF GRIEF: Be Willing to Say Goodbye
Challenges of the Grieving Process
Biblical Examples of Grief
Healthy Ways of Grieving
Pray
Remember God is with you
Seek help if you need it
Look after yourself
Avoid narcotics
Dont make major decisions
Remember that time helps
Plan ahead
How Can I Help Someone Who Is Grieving?
Promises to Remember
 n 1633, a 27-year-old Dutchman worked at his easel and painted a picture that

I would come to be known the world over as Storm on the Sea of Galilee. The
artists name? Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn.
As a young man, Rembrandt apprenticed with several painters and eventually
opened his own workshop, specializing in portraits, self-portraits, and biblical
scenes. He became well known throughout the Netherlands for his exceptional talent,
and is widely considered one of the great artists in western European art history. He
is credited with producing several hundred paintings and thousands of drawings. In
2009, a Rembrandt sold at auction for more than $30 million.
Rembrandt was known as a religious person, no doubt influenced by his Roman
Catholic mother and his Dutch Reformed father. Of all the biblical scenes he
captured on canvas, perhaps none is so intriguing as Storm on the Sea of Galilee,
the Dutch masters only seascape. Its an impressive painting.1
It portrays the New Testament account of Jesus and His disciples traveling by
boat across the Sea of Galilee, enveloped in a ferocious storm. The painting depicts
clashing clouds in the dark heavens, and frothy, angry waves. Light illuminates part
of the fragile craft. Several disciples have scrambled to secure the vessel while others
cling to the mast, desperation on their faces. In the back of the boat, Jesus rests
peacefully, His face a picture of serenity in stark contrast to the chaos around him.
But something else also stands out. There are fourteen men in the boat. Jesus had
only twelve disciples, so one would expect to find thirteen people. So who is that
mysterious thirteenth disciple pictured in the lower portion of the painting, peering
over the edge of the boat? Many people believe that Rembrandtwho occasionally
inserted a self-portrait into his paintingspainted himself as the thirteenth disciple in
the boat.
What was Rembrandt trying to communicate by placing himself in the midst of
that storm on the Sea of Galilee? He may have been saying he was in the midst of the
storm of life, or he might have been recognizing that only Jesus can save someone
from the waves of despair that inevitably wash over a persons path. While it is never
easy to interpret an artists thinking, we can, like the disciples depicted in
Rembrandts famous painting, turn to Jesus for help no matter what life brings.
A friend e-mailed me recently. His message was direct and to the point. My heart
ached as I read, My beautiful son has died. Please pray for me. . . . The profound
grief I feel is almost too much to bear.
Grief is an intruder. Human beings werent created to grieve. In the beginning,
when God created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1), He placed Adam and
Eve into a perfect world. They were created to love, laugh, enjoy, and delight, but
loss was not part of Gods original plan for humanity. Therefore, when loss comes,
its foreign to us. It hurts. Its painful. Its uncomfortable.
Since sin entered the world, grief has become a part of everyday life. No one on
planet Earth escapes the often-crippling sorrow and pain that is part of the human
experience. Massive waves of despair, doubt, and darkness frequently accompany
grief or loss. Losing a spouse, a child, a family member, or a friendespecially if the
loss occurs unexpectedly or prematurelyis a life-altering experience that often
brings with it unfathomable grief and hurt. Divorce or separation are events that can
stretch ones emotional capacity to breaking point. An accident, the loss of a limb,
the death of a pet, or even the loss of a possession can cause episodes of grief that cut
deep. Losing a job, being the victim of a crime, or receiving a challenging medical
diagnosis can affect a person dramatically.
The Bible has a lot to say about loss. Even before God created the world, there
was war in heaven (Revelation 12:7). A third of the angels rebelled against God and
as a result were evicted from Paradise (Revelation 12:4). These fallen angels not only
walked away from God but turned against Him in rebellion. If anyone understands
grief, God certainly does.
The most well-known verse in the Bible states that God gave His only begotten
Son for the sins of the world (John 3:16). Jesus is described as the Lamb slain from
the foundation of the world (Revelation 13:8). For thousands of years God lived in
the knowledge that His only begotten Son would die for a rebellious world. He
witnessed Jesus suffer rejection, pain, and anguish before being nailed to a cross to
die an excruciating death.
 God understands the pain of losing a loved one. God has been losing loved
ones for thousands of years. As One who understands the pain of grief, God promises
comfort to those who grieve. In fact, the Bible refers to God as the God of all
comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). Writing in reference to death, Paul said in 1
Thessalonians 4:13 (NIV), But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren,
about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no
hope.
The Oxford Dictionary defines grief as intense sorrow, especially caused by
someones death. Merriam-Webster says something very similar. The word
grieflike gravity and the adjective gravecome from the Latin gravis,
meaning heavy or burdensome.
Grief can be a physical, emotional, or psychological reaction to an experience of
loss. Grieving is healthy and natural. Grieving is simply the process of coming to
terms with loss. The Bible writer Paul suggests it is possibleessentialthat a
person grieve with hope.
Austrian neurologist Dr. Sigmund Freud said in 1917, Grieving is a natural
process that should not be tampered with. Eminent Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung
said, Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. In other words, failure
to deal with grief can result in significant physiological issues.
So how can a person cope with grief? How can a person grieveas Paul suggests
with hope? Grief can be overwhelming. Its common for grieving people to
experience loneliness, emptiness, and frequent crying. People dealing with grief
might find it difficult to breathe deeply, they may feel as though a heavy weight is
resting on their chest, and they may find it hard to enjoy activities they once enjoyed.
Short-term memory can fail, concentration can become difficult, and feelings of
depression can settle in.

Is There Hope?
One of the great themes of the Bible is the resurrection of the dead when Jesus
returns. Behold, I tell you a mystery, Paul wrote to the church at Corinth. We
shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changedin a moment, in the twinkling of an
eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised
incorruptible, and we shall be changed (1 Corinthians 15:51, 52). The return of
Jesus is referred to in Scripture as the blessed hope (Titus 2:13). One day God will
remake this sin-scarred planet, and throughout eternity there will be no more death
(Revelation 21:4).
Grief can be so suffocating it can often feel as though the future offers only
emptiness. But its important to understand when facing grief that there really is a
way through what is often an extremely difficult time. The big picture outlined in
Scripture shows thatultimatelythings work out well for those who live in faith in
God. An eternity without sin, without grief, and with those you love awaits those
who choose to entrust their lives to God.
Its important to understand that God is affected by our grief. Jesus wept at the
grave of Lazarus (John 11:35). Paul encouraged people of faith to Rejoice with
them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep (Romans 12:15). The Psalmist
wrote that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning (Psalm
30:5).
Nobody gets through life without experiencing grief on some level. Not long
after he painted the Storm on the Sea of Galilee, Rembrandt experienced
devastating grief when he and his wife lost their two-month-old son. Three years
later, their daughter died at just three weeks of age, and their second daughter lived
for only a month. The only child that survived was their fourth child, Titus.
Unfortunately, the year after Titus was born, Rembrandts wife Saskia passed away.
Grief and loss, along with their cousin pain, are no respecter of persons.
Therefore, its pointless to try to avoid or ignore grief. The question is, how do
you cope with grief? How can you survive grief? How can you approach grief in
such a way as you come through the grieving process healthier, and perhaps even
stronger than you were before you grieved?
In the late 1960s, Psychiatrist Dr. Elizabeth Kbler-Ross wrote of the fives
stages of grief. Others have suggested there are four, or seven stages of grief. And
while many experts have countered that these stages are not necessarily experienced
in order, or even experienced at all by many people, Kbler-Ross On Death and
Dying became accepted as the seminal work on the subject of grief.
Kbler-Ross suggested the five stages of griefinitially applied to terminally ill
patients, and later to any person experiencing griefare:

Denial (This didnt happen.)

Anger (This isnt fair!)
Bargaining (If she were back, Id do so many things differently!)
Depression (Why go on?)
Acceptance (Things are going to be alright.)

As imperfect as it might be, anyone who has experienced grief can identify in
some way with Kbler-Ross model. Yet pastor, author, and television presenter
Mike Tucker suggested an alternative approach to grief when I interviewed him on
two It Is Written programs.2
Pastor Tucker suggested that rather than looking at the stages of grief, people
focus instead on what he calls the goals of grief.
Mike is no stranger to loss. Only months before we spoke, he lost Gayle, his wife
of 40 years, to a sudden illness. Recognizing that the role of grief is to help a person
move from the experience of grieving to living healthily in the wake of grief, Pastor
Tucker suggests people approach grief with certain goals in mind.

FIRST GOAL OF GRIEF:

Believe It Actually Happened
As Dr. Kbler-Ross stated, many people struggle with accepting the reality of
loss. A friend of mine who volunteered as the chaplain for a local police department
was often called on to inform family members that a loved one had died in an
automobile accident. He told me denial was a frequent reaction to being confronted
with the tragic news. Theres no way that could have happened.
Its important to accept the reality of loss. If you are prepared to accept the
transition being experienced, youre in a better place to deal with its aftermath.

SECOND GOAL OF GRIEF:

Be Willing to Experience the Pain
Grief is painful, and the natural human response is to try to get rid of pain. People
take medication for headaches and doctors use anesthetic during surgery. Pain is
something we try to avoid, or minimize. Its common for people to self-medicate
while grieving through overwork, drugs, alcohol, and other destructive or high-risk
behavior. But while people respond to grief differently, there is no way around grief.
The only healthy way to experience grief is to go through it.
Pastor Tucker told me he found it helpful to actually initiate contact with grief.
Ill force myself at times to think of happy memories, or even painful memories. I
lean into the pain. If I put it off, its going to be harder and harder for me. Mike
talked about intentionally visiting his and Gayles favorite vacation spots, or favorite
restaurants.
While some people feel it honors the dead to refuse to visit a certain place or eat
a certain favorite dessert, for example, Pastor Tucker says the opposite is true.
Building that kind of monument to someone you have lost restricts your life. The
best thing to do is remind yourself that the person youve lost would want you to be
healthy and go on enjoying life, he told me. One tribute to a loved one is to weep
and grieve. But after a while, its important you lean back into life. That becomes the
new tribute to them.
Although grief can be intensely painful, that pain does actually lessen over time.
However, that is not to say tears ever stop being shed. While it will vary from person
to person, the average recovery time from grief is one to two years. Experts say
people can grieve actively for several years.
I remember learning that in addition to her four sons, my wifes grandmother had
given birth to a baby girl who died in infancy. Grandma, I said to her. You once
had a daughter? Yes, honey, she replied, her voice trailing off. She then became
quiet and tears came to her eyes.
Grandmas little girl had died at least 55 years earlier, but there were times when
she still felt the pain of that difficult loss. And thats okay.

THIRD GOAL OF GRIEF:

Make Adjustments
At times it may be necessary to make adjustments when that person (or job, or
thing) is no longer part of your life. When my father died, my mother had to figure
out who was going to change the lightbulbs that were out of her reach. The loss of a
close loved one means some people have to learn to cook, while others have yards to
maintain, cars to wash, trash to take out, or even mice to trap. Its important to make
necessary adjustments so life can go on as smoothly as possible, and so that the
absence of a certain individual doesnt unnecessarily initiate difficulties in your life.

FOURTH GOAL OF GRIEF:

Be Willing to Say Goodbye
While this does not deny a relationship that existed, it is necessary to reinvest the
emotional energy you once invested in that relationship. Without saying goodbye to
the love that existed, its necessary to say goodbye to the relationship, which has
forever changed.
The time and emotional energy you once invested in a certain person can be
reinvested in your relationship with God. You can also invest in others, such as
children or grandchildren, or in service and volunteerism. Its important a person not
allow grief to cause them to withdraw and disconnect from society altogether. The
grieving process should bring you to a place of healing, as well as providing
emotional and spiritual health.
 While serving as a local church pastor, we received word that Charles wife had
died. In the wake of her death, Charleswho was not in good healthseemed lost
and disoriented. Some worried that Charles didnt have long left among us.
Recognizing the enormous toll grief was taking on him, Charles prayed and
asked God for help. Through this process of prayer, God blessed Charles with the
idea of forming a grief recovery group. With a new purpose in his life, Charles
became a new man. The grief recovery group became a huge success that brought
hope to many people, and Charles eventually married the woman who had been
acting as the group secretary!
Charles decision to reinvest his energy, and to be productive and positive,
literally saved his life!

Challenges of the Grieving Process

One of the challenges with grief is that grief is not a disease that can be cured.
Grief comes and goes. Its unpredictable. One can never know when overwhelming
sorrow might strike. However, there are certain times that you can anticipate
difficulty in coping. For example, anniversaries. The anniversary of a persons death,
birthdays, or wedding anniversaries are times when memories come flooding back
and the loss of a loved one is felt keenly. The first Christmas or Thanksgiving faced
without a spouse or child can be especially challenging.
Grief is a very personal experience. That is, the grief of one person can differ
from the grief of another. When grieving, it can be helpful to keep several things in
mind.
1. ITS OKAY TO GRIEVE. Even though no one wants to feel terrible, grief is
something that simply has to be worked through.
Its okay to cry. While you dont always want others to see you succumb to the
effects of grief, tears are healthy when it comes to grief. It seemed like I did nothing
but cry for weeks, Brandon told me. Yvonne said, The tears would come and there
was nothing I could do to fight them off. I would cry and cry and wondered if I
would ever stop. But notice what both Brandon and Yvonne said. I did nothing but
cry for weeks and weeks, Brandon said. I would cry and cry, Yvonne told me.
Notice? Past tense. As difficult as it was, both Brandon and Yvonne came through
their grief. While they still keenly feel the losses they experienced, neither is disabled
by the once-crippling grief.
2. ITS HARDER TO WALK THIS ROAD ALONE. Its important to have a
support system when youre confronted with grief. But remember: not everyone is
able to understand what youre going through. If you can connect with a support
group, or find friends or family members who can offer you support, coping with
grief will be much, much easier.
3. YOU GRIEVE BECAUSE YOUVE LOST SOMETHING SPECIAL. No one
mourns the loss of a toenail, but the loss of an arm or leg can be devastating. Drop a
dollar in the street and you dont think twice, but lose your possessions in a house
fire and the loss can sting for years.
Most people dont understand what theyre entering into with grief. I have
conducted numerous funeral services and spent time with many grieving people. Its
common for people to say, Im not doing well, in reference to grief because the
weight they carry is intense and the burden of their guilt is heavy. But thats what
grief is! If youre married to someone for most of your life and you lose that person
to illness or accident and you dont grieve, something would be terribly wrong.
Typically, the more precious something is, the more difficult it is to lose that thing. A
spouse or a child or a parent or a childhood friend is immeasurably precious. The
loss should hurt, and it should hurt for a long time.

Biblical Examples of Grief

There are several passages in the Bible that speak to the subject of grief. The
story of Job is that of a man who lost virtually everything he had, and was faced with
the prospect of losing his lifeall the while unable to understand what was really
happening.
In Job 1, Job lost his livestock, his servants, and his children. Deeply affected by
his calamitous loss, Job responded by saying in Job 1:21, The Lord gave, and the
Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Verse 22 reveals much about
Jobs character. It says Job did not charge God with wrong. Its important to notice
that Job maintained his faith and trust in God.
As the book of Job progresses, Jobs plight worsens as he is afflicted by a
devastating illness. His wife urges him to curse God, and his friends urge Job to
acknowledge that his own sinfulness had brought about his suffering. Yet Job says in
Job 13:15, Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.
Job did not understand that he was an innocent victim caught in the middle of the
great controversy between Christ and Satan. He did not know that in response to the
accusations of the enemy of souls God permitted Satan to afflict Job so that the
universe could see that Jobs love for God was not based on his material blessings,
and that Jobs trust could endure the severest test. Yet Job clung by faith to what he
knew about God, and ultimately his faith in God was vindicated.
Although Jobs life was forever altered by his traumatic experiences, the Bible
says the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning (Job 42:12).
What we learn is that Jobs trust in God was vindicated. It didnt short-circuit his
trying experience, nor did it bring back the family, servants, or possessions he had
lost. But Job did see the blessing of God, and his faith in God was strengthened by
having gone through such a significant challenge.
Perhaps thats where the grieving process can be faith-building. Even in times of
loss Gods hand is clearly discernible. To have God bring you through an experience
or chapter in your life that is unimaginably difficult can convince you that if God can
bring you through that, He can bring you through anything!
King David had cause to grieve often during his life. Turmoil in his family, in his
kingdom, and in his personal life was the cause of an enormous amount of anguish
and pain. The death of Absalom, who had attempted to wrest the kingdom of Israel
away from David, was an especially bitter moment for David.
News of Absaloms death sparked one of the most touching, raw displays of grief
in the Bible. Then the king was deeply moved, and went up to the chamber over the
gate, and wept. And as he went, he said thus: O my son Absalommy son, my son
Absalomif only I had died in your place! O Absalom my son, my son! (2 Samuel
18:33).
Many people can relate to what David felt. Losing a child is especially difficult.
But complicating Davids grief over Absaloms demise was the fact that David was
in no small way responsible for Absaloms dysfunction, and by implication for the
rebellion that led to Absaloms death. Davids failure as a father to resolve issues
among his children, and his failure to reconcile with Absalom set Israel on a collision
course with disaster.
Rather than denying the pain he was experiencing, David leaned into the pain,
recognized the depths of his feelings and in spite of such a heavy burden he
ultimately led Israel as Gods appointed ruler.

Healthy Ways of Grieving

Remembering that one of the objects of grief is to help you in coming to terms
with loss, what can you do to help yourself grieve in as healthy a way as possible?

PRAY
Lifes difficult experiences tend to push a person either closer to God or further
away from God. Any time of deep need is a time to be seeking the presence and
blessing of God. While prayer is no miracle cure for the pain and hardship grief can
sometimes bring, prayer brings you into close contact with the heart of God.
Experiencing grief is an opportunity to talk with God, claim the promises of Gods
Word, and listen closely to the voice of God as He speaks to your heart. He has
promised to hear the prayers of His children (Isaiah 65:24), and to provide all your
needs (Philippians 4:19). If you need comfort and strength, God has promised that
He will provide that in your time of distress.

REMEMBER GOD IS WITH YOU

In the sermon on the mount, Jesus said, Blessed are they that mourn, for they
shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4). While Jesus may have been speaking primarily
about those who mourn their spiritual lack, theres no question He was also
promising the comfort of Gods presence to those who grieve. Psalm 22:24 says,
For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; nor has He
hidden His face from Him; but when He cried to Him, He heard. Remember, God is
with you. Jesus said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Even
though grief can leave you feeling empty and alone, it is true that God is near.

SEEK HELP IF YOU NEED IT

It is not a denial of your faith in God to seek professional help with difficult
emotional issues. If you find youre not able to move through grief in a healthy way,
talk with others who have gone through similar experiences. Grief can be so
overwhelming that for a time it can be difficult to sleep or to concentrate, or to work
through some of the issues and complications that accompany loss. Counselors,
pastors, therapists, and support groups can provide valuable help to anyone trying to
navigate what can be the maze of grief.

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF

There is an intimate connection between the body and the mind. The healthier
you are physically, the clearer your mind will be and the more prepared you will be
to handle difficult emotional situations. During times of grief when you feel that you
might be sinking, dont add more strain to yourself in the area of health.
Good nutrition is so important. Instead of choosing not to eat, or giving in to the
temptation to eat junk food, keep your meals simple, regular, and as healthy as
possible. Drink plenty of water, and avoid alcohol. While you might be tempted to
think alcohol will numb the pain you feel, the opposite is actually true. Alcohol will
compromise your health, and may lead to depression, dependency, and regret.
 In addition to nutrition, getting proper rest and exercise is extremely important.
Going for long walks in the outdoors can do wonders to lift your mood. Increasing
your heart rate during exercise will get your blood flowing, helping to ease stress and
release endorphinsthe feel good chemical in the brain. Another benefit of
exercise is that it will help your body to be prepared for a good nights sleep. Sleep
can be hard to come by in the throes of grief. By exercising during the day, your
body will be in a better place to fall asleep at night.

AVOID NARCOTICS
It can be tempting to turn to drugs in an effort to escape or cope with grief.
Unless they are prescribed by a physician, this is never a good idea.

DONT MAKE MAJOR DECISIONS

Going through a divorce, losing a home, business, or loved one can result in not
only ones day-to-day life experiencing upheaval, but dreams or plans youve had
can be suddenly dashed. During this time, its best to not make any major, life-
altering decisions. Starting a new romantic relationship? While that might come in
time, rushing into romance while trying to cope with grief is not the best idea. Better
to wait until youre confident you are thinking clearly. Losing a family member
might cause you to consider a new start, but its almost always better to wait until the
dust settles before you sell the house, the investment property, or the business. Any
decision that could have a major impact on your life, your finances or your family
should be considered only when you are certain the darkest clouds of grief have
passed on and your life is back to something approaching normality. And if you feel
you must do something drastic, be sure to seek the advice of your children, your
parents, a pastor, or close friends.

REMEMBER THAT TIME HELPS

The Bible says that there is a time for every purpose under the heaven a time
to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance (Ecclesiastes
3:14). Depending on the situation youre facing, it can be very helpful to take some
time away from your normal routine. Taking some time off work or a break from
your routine can be a big help. Jesus advised His disciples, during a time of
significant challenges in ministry, to come apart and rest a while (Mark 6:31).
Jesus advice is still sound advice today.
PLAN AHEAD
Remember anniversaries before they arrive, and prepare for them. The first
Christmas or Fourth of July you spend without a loved one can be especially painful.
Prepare for these days by planning how youll spend them, and what youll say to
others. Focus on remembering and celebrating the positive, while also looking
forward to the day when God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there
shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more
pain (Revelation 21:4).

How Can I Help Someone Who Is Grieving?

Listen. A person dealing with grief often just needs a person to listen as they try
to work through the array of confusing emotions grief frequently evokes.
Send a card. I heard about your loss/accident/divorce and just wanted to let you
know I care.
Offer assurance. Im here for you, and Ill do whatever I can to support you.
Visitif your relationship with the person grieving deems it appropriate.
Someone dealing with loss is almost always encouraged by an expression of genuine
concern and kindness. But be prepared to keep your visit short.
Be careful with your words. No one wants to be told, Youre young enough to
get married again, or, You can always have more children. Comments like that
are never appropriate and almost always cause hurt. And dont ask a person why
theyre not over it yet. Not ever.
Help. Offer to mow the lawn, take the trash out, to do yard work or house
cleaning. Grief can be crippling, and the mundane tasks of everyday life can be
neglected by someone living in the fog of intense grief.
Dont try to smooth things over. Telling someone their loved one is in a better
place is not comforting when they want their loved one in their place. Assuring
someone that everything happens for a reason doesnt mitigate the grief they are
experiencing. The reason loss occurs is because there is sin in the world. No one
recovering from an accident, a death in the family, or the loss of a business enterprise
wants to be told that theres a silver lining just waiting to be found.
Invite your friend to an activity or to eat with you.
Talk about the good times. Conducting a funeral service for someone I barely
knew, I asked several people before the service began what they remembered most
about the deceased. During the funeral homily I said, And who could forget that
laugh? Remember that? It was the brightest moment of the service as people
recalled a smile that could light up a room and a laugh that was infectious. It doesnt
ever help to recall the negative, even if it is true. Larry could be cantankerous,
couldnt he? or I always felt like Sid drank too much, isnt doing anyone a favor.
Instead, be as positive as you possibly can. Your son had such a love for life.
Denise was such a good listener. She always made me feel as though she genuinely
cared. A grieving person is grieving because they missintenselythe person or
the thing they are grieving. They want to be reminded of the positive. While a person
is grieving is not the time to bring up negative experiences.
Be mindful of your friends religious convictions. Letting someone know youre
praying for them will almost always be received positively. But grief is not made any
easier by someone pressing his or her religious beliefs. Ive attended funerals where
the minister felt obligated to use the funeral homily as an opportunity to tell the
congregation how wrong they were about the afterlife. A friend was at a funeral
where the minister loudly announced that this man were burying today is going to
hell, and his family here are going there too unless they repent!
Try to be understanding. Grief is unpredictable and doesnt follow a script. There
might be times your friend wishes to withdraw, to not attend an event, or isnt as
talkative as he or she normally is. And thats okay.
In the autumn of 1873, Anna Spafford and her four daughters were crossing the
Atlantic Ocean when the ship they were aboard collided with another vessel. While
Mrs. Spafford survived, their four daughters did not. Upon reaching Europe, Anna
Spafford sent her husband a telegram which simply said, Saved alone.
Her husband, Horatio Spafford quickly set sail for Europe to meet his wife.
During the voyage, the captain informed Spafford they were nearing the location
where his daughters had drowned. During that heart-wrenching journey, Horatio
Spafford wrote the words to a now-famous hymn:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Grief can be a profoundly difficult experience. But in the midst of grief, you can
say, by the grace of God, It is well with my soul.
Faith in a loving God will give you hope. Hope that one day soon the sadnesses
of the world will come to an end. Hope that one day soon, Jesus Himself will return
to this earth and usher in an eternity where tears do not flow and sorrow is no more.
When no human heart fully understands, Jesus understands. Jesus cares. He says,
The one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out (John 6:37). In Jesus you
can find healing. In Jesus you will find peace and strength.
I will turn their mourning to joy, will comfort them, and make them rejoice
rather than sorrow (Jeremiah 31:13).

Promises to Remember
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I
will deliver him, and honor him (Psalm 91:15).
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you (Isaiah 43:2).
Look to Me, and be saved, all you ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is
no other (Isaiah 45:22).
O my God, my soul is cast down within me; therefore I will remember You. . . .
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in
God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God (Psalm
42:6,11).
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world
you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world (John
16:33).
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28).
1 Storm on the Sea of Galilee was stolen from a museum in Boston, MA, in 1990.
2 To view these and other It Is Written programs, visit itiswritten.com/television.