U CHARLIE KAUFMAN ON ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

U YOU WROTE A GREAT SCRIPT NOW WHAT?

Serving Screenwriters Since 1989

Les Bohem on

Writers on Writing: The United States

Mark Shawn of Leland
Bomback Lawrence Otto Matthew Ryan
(Godsend) (House of Sand and Fog) Hoge

Adaptation Skills Writing Roles What Software is

Every Screenwriter Stars Want Right for
VOL. 10, NO. 2
$6.95 U.S., $8.50 CANADA Should Have to Play You?
 March/April 2004
Touchstone Pictures, All Rights
PHOTO: Deana Newcomb
Reserved.
DEVELOPMENT
16. Who You Know: Shari Brooks
By John Scott Lewinski
The wave of reality television has washed all the good writing jobs
away, right? Wrong. Learn how Shari Brooks made the transition from reality
television to sitcom and back again.
18. Spec Sale Spotlight: Nathan Skulnik
By Rita Cook
Rita Cook examines Nathan Skulniks road to success; his spec sale, The
Hostage, and everything that has come before and after for this talented
screenwriter.
32. The Great Idea: The United States of Leland
By Kate McCallum
Making your ideas come to life onscreen is not a simple process. Kate McCallum
sits down with writer-director Matthew Hoge to explore how he fought to keep
his ideas alive and made his dream of The United States of Leland a reality.
36. Script to Screen: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
By David S. Cohen
Charlie Kaufmans latest story starts with a premise familiar to sci-fi fansa
love affair erased from a mans memoryadds surreal special effects and the
unique talents of Jim Carrey, and finally weaves it all into a complex study of
the nature of real love. Just dont call it science fiction.
68. So You Wrote a Great Screenplay. Now What?
By Graham Ludlow
Selling your screenplay can be a long and arduous process filled with frustration
and anxiety. But, as producer and screenwriter Graham Ludlow explains, knowing
the right steps and having a little patience can lead to that ultimate reward.
76. Meet the Reader: Conventional ClichsPart Three
By Ray Morton
Ray Morton details the often-abused aspects of the Mystery, Thriller, Adventure
and Action films. Learn what differences and parallels one might find among
these film genres.
WRITERS ON WRITING
48. Playing God: The Writing of Godsend
By Mark Bomback
Screenwriter Mark Bomback discusses how he brought his idea for a state-
of-the-art thriller to the screen and how he kept the suspense at a high level
while maintaining the tone of the screenplay from start to finish.
52. Building a House of Sand and Fog
By Shawn Lawrence Otto
Some stories transition easily from novel to film; others require some tender
love and care. Learn from Shawn Lawrence Otto, screenwriter of House
of Sand and Fog, how this internal story found its way onto the external
medium of film.
Ta b l e o f C o n t e n t s
F E AT U R E
42. Characters in Action: The Writing of The Alamo
By Les Bohem
Action is a challenging genre. Many screenwriters are daunted by the diffi-
cult task of writing great characters in compelling action scenes. Les Bohem,
a credited screenwriter of The Alamo, tackled his fear of the action scene
and found that he had the talent to reveal his characters true natures in
scenes that kept audiences glued to the screen.
CRAFT
20. Independents: Creating Compelling Characters
By William C. Martell
The key to making fictional characters feel real is giving them true-to-life human
traits. But, what if your character isnt even a mammal? Columnist Bill Martell
examines how the writers of Finding Nemo brought human-like emotions to
characters who live underwater.
24. Software Review Part Two: Which Screenwriting Program is Right for You?
By John Scott Lewinski
Creative writing software is slowly altering the way our industry develops its art.
Learn about the different story development programs on the market and choose for
yourself which one will take your script to the next level.
28. Youre Writing a Picture (so use picture-making words)
By Robin Russin
To raise your screenplays description to the next level, you need to think in terms of
specific imagesimages that evoke the theme and nature of your story.
56. The Small Screen: The Fairly OddParents
By Rich Whiteside
Now that there are entire networks dedicated to toons, only the best shows rise
above the pack by entertaining both children and adults. Butch Hartman (creator/
executive producer) and Steve Marmel (producer/head writer) discuss the secrets to
the success of The Fairly OddParents.
60. How to Write for a Movie Star
By Staton Rabin
Think you know what movie stars look for in a screenplay? Think again! Story analyst and
writer Staton Rabin explains how she wrote a role that attracted the attention of some
of Hollywoods biggest names and reveals for you her trade secrets so you can, too.
64. The Hill With It: Writing a Thriller? Be Crazy Like a Fox
By John Hill
There is a thin line between an action film and a thriller. Veteran screenwriter John
Hill highlights the ins and outs of these often-stereotyped genres of fading quality.
Maybe you can find a way to spice them up.
72. Adapting to the Adaptation Process
By Joel Haber
Story analyst Joel Haber explains the process of adaptation: How its done, and how
practice makes perfect.
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"_^cnilmhin_#
Miracle
Last issue we published two articles that received some interesting feedback.
The rst article was long-time scr(i)pt contributor Bob Verinis look at interesting
secondary characters who play major parts in the infrastructure of great EDITORIAL / CIRCULATION OFFICE
screenplays. In the article titled Eccen-tricks, Bob highlighted the works of 5638 Sweet Air Road
Baldwin, MD 21013-0007
legendary writer-director Preston Sturges. We were honored to have received a
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Subscriptions only call: (888) 245-2228
Dear Mr. Verini:
Just read your Eccen-tricks piece. Thank you for the recognition and respect
you show my father [writer-director Preston Sturges] in the article. To think
that we are now, 60 years after the fact of his writing, nding that so many Executive Publisher David C. Geatty
of the works for which he is best remembered still resonate. Still funny. Still
interesting. And you have identied what I think is one of his most intriguing discoveries: the great Sturges acting Publisher James D. Kellett
company. Frank Moran. Franklin Pangborn. Robert Grieg. And of course William Demaresthis good luck
charm. I am most appreciative. Editor-in-Chief Shelly Mellott
Tom Sturges - Executive Vice President Creative Affairs, Universal Music Publishing Group
Managing Editor Andrew J. Schneider

I want to share this letter with our readers for two reasons. First, because we were touched by Tom Sturges East Coast Editor Sally B. Merlin
response, and we felt that it made one of the greatest screenwriters of all time feel somehow more real. Second, I
hope that the letter will make all of us take a second look at the scribes of the past. Part of the art of screenwriting West Coast Editor William C. Martell
is the ability to appeal to the modern movie-going audience. That is why we see the word zeitgeist batted around
Editor at Large James A. Kleman
so often. But, the human experience is the undercurrent of all memorable lms. The true task of the screenwriter is
not so much to reach the modern audience as it is to tell a timeless story which will resonate across generations. Put Associate Editor Ann Klarich
your nger on the pulse of humanity, and you tap into the same sort of immortality that the work of Preston Sturges
has attained. So, the next time you are looking for inspiration, try tuning into Turner Classic Movies. The movies may Event Correspondent Deborah Dyke
be black and white; but, make no mistake, they are just as colorful, and perhaps richer and multi-faceted than lms
that grace our theaters today. Legal Editor Jay G. Grubb
The second article that received a great deal of feedback was our debut of The Great Idea series. It seems
Marketing Manager Lisa DiPaula
that the director of the lm read the article and contacted us to get in touch with Eric Guggenheim, the original
screenwriter. You see, the writer and director had never met nor spoken. After reading the article, the director wanted Design Parkton Art, CVC
to take the opportunity to bring Eric into what was left of the lmmaking process and to further discuss the genesis
of the lm Miracle. We are proud to have had a small hand in facilitating that connection and hope that the creative Illustrator Lisa DiPaula
process for both the writer and director is much fuller now that they have closed the circle of creativity.
Finally, we also received a call from the producer of the lm Miracle who wanted to stress the input that screenwriter
Mike Rich had on the lm in his rewrite. A talented screenwriter who was discovered with his Nicholl Fellowship-winning
Senior Writers
script Finding Forrester, Mike went on to write Radio, The Rookie and to do a rewrite on Miracle. His contributions to
David S. Cohen, Rita Cook,
the latter went uncredited after WGA arbitration. I know Mike Rich personally, and he is the most unassuming and
down-to-earth individual you could hope to meet in this business. I would like to take a moment to mention that Mike Debra L. Eckerling, Jay S. Grubb, Esq.,
did indeed have a hand in getting Miracle through the production process. Screenwriting is truly a collaborative art. John Hill, John Woochong Kim,
Miracle would not be the lm that it is now without Eric Guggenheims imagination and ability to bring his great idea John Scott Lewinski, William C. Martell,
to fruition in screenplay form. After that, producers, actors, directors and even another writer helped that great idea Sally B. Merlin, Ray Morton, Staton Rabin,
make its way to the screen. While rewriting remains an oftentimes abused aspect of development, sometimes two Diana Saenger, David Trottier,
talented writers work can coalesce into one amazing lm. The critics agree: This was one of those times. Bob Verini, Rich Whiteside,
Rachel Wimberly
Shelly Mellott
Circulation Director
Correction: In last issues article titled Adapting Big Fish, George McArthurs being credited as the character of Karl was
William Wood
incorrect. Matthew McGrory is the actor that plays Karl in the film, and George McArthur plays the role of Collossus.
Comptroller
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The Writers Youll Wish
You Knew When ...
MATTHEW SHEPATIN
New York
City sportswriter
Matthew Shepatin
recently traded in
his press pass to try
out screenwriting.
His teen comedy
script, The Joy of
Rejection, has placed extraordinarily
well in a slew of national screenplay
competitions, including third overall
in scr(i)pts Open Door Contest.
The Brooklyn scribe caught the
screenwriting bug after reading
Christopher Voglers The Writers
Journey, which explores the mythic
structure behind modern screen sto-
ries. Last summer, as fate would have
it, Shepatin ran into his mentor at
The Austin Film Festival. Vogler,
after reading Shepatins script in one
night, told the amateur screenwriter
that he had the right stuff.
Shepatin has gone on to com-
plete three comedy scripts, includ-
ing the contest-winning The Joy of
Rejection. This humorous, charac-
ter-driven tale, which some have lik-
ened in tone to Election, falls some-
where between the Weitz Brothers
and John Hughes.
In addition to The Joy of
Rejection, he has two other complet-
ed feature screenplays, the witty com-
edies Replacement Hip and Flowers
& Puppies. Both scripts showcase
Shepatins ability to assimilate the pop
culture of the moment with big ques-
tions about life.
After taking the time to hone
his craft, Shepatin believes he is
now ready to start shopping his
comedy scripts to agents and pro-
ducers. He can be reached at:
mbshep@hotmail.com
6 scr(i)pt
NEW BOOKS FOR SCREENWRITERS
TELEVISION WRITING FROM THE INSIDE OUT
by Larry Brody
or underwriting and edit a freshly
Applause Books, $17.95, 350 pgs. ISBN 1-55783-501-2
crafted script. To make sure we
Reviewed by Dave Trueman
understand his points, he loads us
By the time you finish reading Larry Brodys just-pub- with elucidating examples, many
lished Television Writing from the Inside Out, youll feel like of which are taken from Brodys
you have a personal relationship with him. Brodys style is own expert handiwork.
so open and honest, so informal and conversational, that The book closes with Doing It,
you simply cant help but like the guy. You can trust him, an 80-page section engorged with
too, because his career spans more than three decades of practical advice on launching your
diverse, successful and award-winning television writing. career, including moving to Los
Brody is going to be your new industry mentor, the one Angeles, handling stress-inducing pitch and script meetings
youve never had but have always wanted and needed. and delineating the best entry-level jobs to get you close to
The content of Inside Out achieves an impressive (and eventually into) the game.
simultaneous combination of depth and breadth. Divided Brody never sugarcoats his guidance, nor does he mire
into three main parts, the first section, The Basics, cov- your optimism with dire statistics on the low odds of suc-
ers the fundamentals to get you rolling: broad industry cess. Simply, he believes in you but acknowledges that there
trends, breakdowns of television job titles and the major will be mistakes along the wayand warmly reminds you to
TV genres, among other topics. All of these are provided take each failure and internalize it as a learning experience
against a useful historical context, the knowledge of thatll get you closer to success. Never forgetting to inspire
which was gained firsthand during the authors lengthy us, Brody urges that we pursue writing with as much emo-
and ongoing tenure in the business. tion as cognition, as much passion as craft. For if our writing
The second section, Writing the Television Script, is resonates, we stand to land that most desired of positions,
the meat and potatoes (or just the potatoes for the veg- a staff writing job.
etarians among us). Here Brody describes the chief steps As a book reviewer, I strive for balance, bringing forth
in the writing processfrom logline and leave behind the good and the bad. But Ive struggled and failed to
to outline and completed teleplay. He tells us how to come up with a negative point about Inside Out. This book
develop characters worth watching, format our work delivers against the highest expectations and receives my
properly, write paragraphs of action without overwriting highest recommendation.
BREATHING LIFE INTO FROM SCRIPT TO SCREEN
YOUR CHARACTERS by Linda Seger and Edward J.
by Dr. Rachel Ballon, Ph. D. Whetmore
Writers Digest Books, $22.99 Lone Eagle Publishing Company, 2nd
242 pgs. ISBN 1-582971-81-1 edition, $18.95
Writers oftentimes struggle to create 232 pgs. ISBN 1-580650-54-6
characters with depth and honest per- Learn from the best; acclaimed script
sonalities. Psychotherapist Dr. Rachel Ballon examines what consultant and author Linda Seger, along with Edward
characteristics go into creating characters who will not soon Whetmore examine some of pop cultures most fascinating
be forgotten. Dr. Ballon traces the psychological make-up scripts and trace their paths from paper to projector. Includes
and background of some of ctions most interesting charac- interviews with some of the industrys most notorious artists
ters. Learn how to diversify, emotionalize and complete your from Oliver Stone to Ron Howard. A valuable learning tool
character creations with Breathing Life Into Your Characters. for any trade professional or crafty developing screenwriter.
Random Quote:
You are telling your story visually, which is what youre always supposed to be doing; but
sometimes in the middle of those dinner-table scenes, you tend to forget. You get to give your
imagination full rein. You get to be a little kid playing with Hot Wheels. Brrmmm CRASH ...
BOOM! and you get to be a storyteller in the same breath. This beats working for a living by a
long shot.
Les Bohem, Characters in Action: The Writing of the Alamo scr(i)pt, Vol.10, No. 2
To be included in Hot Sheet, send your resum and a color photo to: Hot Sheet, 5638 Sweet Air Road, Baldwin, MD 21013.
To contact someone featured in Hot Sheet, call (888) 245-2228 or e-mail: hotsheet@scriptmag.com
scriptmag.com

Jesse Wigutow
Jesse Wigutow, writer of Urban Townie
and adapter of Arthur Millers The Ride
Down Mt. Morgan, has the distinction
of having the most interesting prewrit-
ing occupation to date ... Muppet fluff-
er. I graduated from Cornell as an
English major, studying Creative Writing,
Wigutow said. After school, I got a job working on Sesame Street
where I would move Big Bird around, plug feathers back in that fell
out, whatever needed to be done.
Wigutow moved on to work at The New Yorker for a year as an
assistant to the art director. After that, I moved to Chicago to work
on the CBS show Early Edition, he said. While I was there, one of
my jobs was to download all the scripts written in Los Angeles by
the writers. I realized that I could do the writing.
Off that experience, he applied to graduate film school and
attended AFI the following year. His work there paid off because
he made his first sale a month or two after graduation with Urban
Townie: That launched my career. Within a couple weeks, Brad Pitt
was attached to it, and we soon had a start date.
After Urban Townie, I had a number of meetings. Every execu-
tive and production person wants to meet the new writer. Most of
them are getting acquainted meetings, but I took one meeting and
got onto a project called Kitchen Confidential, based on a New York
Times best-seller. That also had Brad Pitt attached but fell apart.
Wigutows most compelling adaptation might be his work with
the great playwright, Miller. When I got to adapt The Ride Down
Mt. Morgan, I had lunch with Arthur Miller. That was somewhat
SCREENWRITING Conferences and Festivals
WHERE
Where screenwriters will be seen in March and April
SXSW 04
March 12 - 20
The 2004 South by South-
west Film Conference will
be the perfect destination for anyone involved in the
business of screenwriting. Aside from screenings of the
best in new independent lmmaking, there will be four
days of panels and workshops full of opportunities for
veteran and novice screenwriters to learn all there is
about their business. These will include the panel From
Script to Screen, where producers and screenwriters
will chat about the process of turning a great script into
a great lm. A list of panels and scheduled panelists can
be found at http://www.sxsw.com/lm
8 scr(i)pt
WH0
surreal. He was very lucid, talkative and charming. He didnt really
want to talk about the play much, which was okay with me, consid-
ering Id have to adapt it. Instead, we got to talk about his life, his
history in NYC, how [the city has] changed and such.
Since that adaptation, Wigutow has written both his own specs
and on assignment: I try to maintain a practice of doing both kinds
of work, and Id like to keep doing that as long as I can.
Perhaps his biggest spec sale to date was It Runs in the Family
with Hollywood legends Kirk and Michael Douglas. Wigutow based
much of that story on his own family experience.
For now, Wigutow is happy to write. He keeps the pages piling
up with determined discipline. I do a lot of outlining to begin
with because its important to have an idea where youre going,
he explained. You need to know where the end point of this
story youre trying to write is. Even if [the story] changes, you
have an idea of where youre going and where the process will
take you. So, doing your homework earns you the right to bang
out the draft.
Regarding research, the amount and procedure vary from project
to project: For the Kitchen project, I worked in a kitchen for a
couple of weeks. It was easy to get a sense of the language and
culture. The rest was making a story out of it.
As for the future, Wigutow believes he will probably stick to
drama: What Im drawn to is generally character-driven stories that
are not very funny. Id like to write something funny, but I dont
know if I have it in me. I think dramatic character pieces are what Im
drawn to instinctively, but its not what I want to do forever. I might
like to write a scary movie, but Im think Im too easily scared.
UCLA Writers Program Open House
March 13
All levels of writers are invited to attend!
Take advantage of these features: over
50 Writers Program instructors conduct
a welcome forum and orientation for attendees, Writ-
ers Program students tell their success stories, instructors
provide one-on-one advisement to potential students, dis-
counted Spring 2004 courses (this day only; some courses
not included) and drawings for free courses. For detailed
information about this Open House, call (310) 825-9415; or
send an e-mail to writers@uclaextension.edu
scriptmag.com
09 the dialogue.indd 2 7/24/06 10:53:15 AM

PASSAG ES
by Zachary Scott Gutin
John Gregory Dunne
Novelist, journalist and screenwriter
John Gregory Dunne passed away on
December 30, 2003. Dunne suffered a
fatal heart attack at the age of 71.
Dunnes impressive career
began as a young man
growing up in Hartford,
CT. He began writing as a
wway to handle a stutter he
wwas diagnosed with as a
yyoung boy. Dunne went on
tto graduate from Princeton
University in 1954. In 1964
he married author Joan
Didion The two
Didion. t went on to team up on
several successful screenplays, including
The Panic in Needle Park, which was co-
produced by Dunnes brother, Dominick,
and was an award-winner at the Cannes
Film Festival. In 1976, Dunne and Didion
composed the screenplay for A Star is
Born, starring Barbara Streisand. Dunne
also wrote for Time Magazine and for The
New York Review of Books.
The multi-talented writer was respon-
sible for the in-depth look into the
behind-the-scenes world of moviemak-
ing with his book The Studio, considered
one of the most truthful looks into the
often confidential Hollywood world. In
1977, Dunne wrote True Confessions, a
best-seller at over 1,000,000 copies. True
Confessions tells the story of the murder
of a woman and the path leading to a
policeman and a priest connected to the
crime. In 1981, Dunne and Didion wrote
the screen adaptation, which co-starred
Robert DeNiro and Robert Duvall. Dunne
went on to write several other novels,
including Playland in 1996, which led
to the film adaptation Up Close and
Personal, starring Robert Redford and
Michelle Pfeiffer.
John Gregory Dunnes final work,
Nothing Lost, the story of a chaos-caus-
ing murder trial in the Midwest, will be
published this summer. Dunne is survived
by his wife and daughter.
10 scr(i)pt
CONTESTS
MAY
scr(i)pt magazines Open Door Contest Script P.I.M.P. Writing Competition
sponsored by Mission Management PRIZE: $10,000 in prize money (four $2,500
PRIZE: $3,000 and consideration for grand-prize winners), $14,000 in prizes
representation by Mission Management. (Writers Store certicates, Amazon certicates,
DEADLINE: May 31, 2004 Final Draft software, Movie Magic software,
ENTRY FEE: $45 magazine subscriptions, development notes
For more information, please contact: from Script P.I.M.P. Writers Database
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Web: www.scriptpimp.com/writing_competi-
PRIZE: Up to ve $30,000 fellowships are
tion/home.cfm
awarded each year.
E-mail: competition@scriptpimp.com
DEADLINE: May 1, 2004
ENTRY FEE: $30 Phone: (323) 656-7479
For more information, please contact: Fax: (323) 650-6711
Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences
Academy Foundation
8949 Wilshire Boulevard JUNE
Beverly Hills, CA 90211
E-mail: ampas@oscars.org The Prime Time Teleplay Competition:
Phone: (310) 247-3000 Austin Film Festival 2004
Fax: (310) 859-9351 PRIZE: First-place winners in each category
receive a prize of $1,000, round-trip airfare
Austin Film Festival 2004 reimbursement, as well as hotel compensation.
PRIZE: First-place winners in each category receive DEADLINE: June 1, 2004
a prize of $5,000, round-trip airfare reimburse- ENTRY FEE: $30
ment, as well as hotel compensation. For more information, please contact:
DEADLINE: May 7, 2004 Austin Film Festival
ENTRY FEE: $40 1604 Nueces St.
For more information, please contact: Austin, TX 78701
Austin Film Festival Web: www.austinlmfestival.com
1604 Nueces St. E-mail: info@austinlmfestival.com
Austin, TX 78701 Phone: (512) 478-4795
Web: www.austinlmfestival.com 1 (800) 310-FEST
E-mail: info@austinlmfestival.com Fax: (512) 478-6205
Phone: (512) 478-4795
1 (800) 310-FEST Slamdance Screenplay Competition
Fax: (512) 478-6205 PRIZE: First-place winner receives a prize of
$3,000; second-place receives $1,000; third-
Hollywood Gateway place receives $500.
Screenwriting Contest DEADLINE: June 20, 2004
PRIZE: This years winner will receive a $5,000 ENTRY FEE: $40 - $90
cash prize, a 12-month option agreement against a For more information, please contact:
potential $100,000 purchase price and more. 2004 Slamdance Coverage Service
DEADLINE: February 29, 2004 - May 30, 2004 5634 Melrose Ave.
ENTRY FEE: $35 - $50 Los Angeles, CA 90038
For more information, please contact: E-mail: screenplay@slamdance.com
Hollywood Gateway Screenwriting Contest Phone: (323) 466-1786
2040 Westwood Blvd. Fax: (323) 466-1784
Los Angeles, CA 90025
Web: www.hollywoodgateway.com
E-mail: info@hollywoodgateway.com
Phone: (310) 709-9154
For up-to-date contest information, visit Moviebytes.com, the most comprehensive list of screenplay
competitions on the Internet. For inclusion in scr(i)pt magazines contest listings, e-mail your news and
contact information to: news@scriptmag.com
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UCLA Professional Programs

Online Screenwriting Program

A year-long graduate level certificate program modeled after
the UCLA School of Theater, Film, and Televisions MFA
screenwriting program.

Come to our Online Campus to learn the theory and craft of

professional screenwriting.

2004-2005 Academic Year begins Sept. 27, 2004.

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102b East Melnitz Hall
Los Angeles, CA 90095-1622
(310) 825-6827
www.filmprograms.ucla.edu
NEW VOICES
Every month young screenwriters from around the country sell
their rst scripts in Hollywood. scr(i)pt magazine will introduce you
to these hot, new writers in a brief format that lets you get inside
the head of Hollywoods next award winners.
Name: Joshua Shelov
Lives in: Brooklyn, NY
Script Title: Hooligans
How You Identify With
The Main Character:
Hooligans is about loyalty:
specifically, the kind of loyalty that bonds
together packs of young men. Ive been a
member of a pack for almost 20 years
now: My childhood friends are still my clos-
est friends. Hooligans was an opportunity to
dramatize some of these bonds. Writing the
script allowed me tosomewhat masochisti-
callytest the strength of one of these bonds
until it broke.
Writing Quirk: In the fall of 2002, between
6:30 and 8:00 a.m., I would walk around
Prospect Park in Brooklyn with my seven-
month-old son riding on my back in a back-
pack. As we walked, I made up the story of
Hooligans and dictated it into a tape recorder.
I told it as youd tell a campfire story: Matt
did this, Pete went there, etc. Only occa-
sionally would I write any lines of dialogue. At
8:30 a.m. I went off and worked a nine-to-six
day job. The next morning I would wake up at
4 a.m., caffeinate and play back the scenes I
had dictated the morning before. As I listened
to the tape, I wrote out the scenes in full, add-
ing all the dialogue. After a couple of hours,
my son would wake up. Repeat process.
Secret to Success: By far the most impor-
tant component to whatever success Ive
had is the decade-long cumulative mass of
failures that preceded it. Nothing has made
a greater impact on me as a writer than the
overpowering indifference that my friends,
family and the lower echelons of the industry
exhibited towards my first screenplays. Their
reactions educated me about what I was
doing wrong.
First Big Break: Unlike my previous scripts,
Hooligans moved quickly through the industry
under its own power. Only weeks after com-
pleting the script, I signed with an agent and
manager. Mike Lubin of The Gersh Agency
and Mason Novick of Benderspink were both
instantly supportive; they opened up their
Rolodexes to me. After a decade of indiffer-
ence, I finally had some fans within the busi-
ness. Hooligans led to my first big-studio job,
a thriller for MGM. Two weeks later, Elijah
12 scr(i)pt
by Rita Cook
Wood committed to star in Hooligans, and it
sold soon after. Now I write screenplays in an
office from nine to five.
Advice: Before sitting down to write
Hooligans, I made the conscious decision
that everything in the screenplay would exist
only to advance the relationship between the
two main characters.
Up Next: The aforementioned thriller for
MGM.
Name: Alex Harakis & Ravi Bains
Live in: London
Script Title: Devils Crew
How You Identify With The Main Character:
AH: I can relate to his sense of determina-
tion. Having set down his objective, the char-
acter works relentlessly towards achieving it.
But, at the same time, he never quite loses
his sense of integrity or humanity. RB: He has
regrets. He uses his mind to solve problems.
He doesnt feel the need to explain himself.
He takes responsibility for everything in his
world. Hes good at what he does.
Writing Quirk: RB: Lots of discussion at all
stages.
Secrets to Success: AH: The ability to take
rejection and to learn from it. Every writer
makes mistakes, but I suspect the successful
ones are able to look at their mistakes, under-
stand them and then make sure they avoid
them in the future. Good objective feedback
is critical. RB: Produce quality work; theres no
escaping that.
First Big Break: AH: Our first project as
a writing team was a World War I horror
tale called The Old Enemy. We submitted it
to ScriptShark, who passed it to a number
of industry people, including Bob Sobhani
over at Zide/Perry. From there, we began a
dialogue with Bob, who agreed to manage
us off the back of Devils Crew a few months
later.
Advice: RB: If the quality of your work is
good, youll get the success youre looking
for. Put your energy into that. The rest is
distractions.
Up Next: AH: Its a little early to say. Were
putting together different takes for a number
of studio assignments, and were also working
on some new specs. RB: A few assignments
and more specs, we cant talk about them yet.
IF THEY CAN
DO IT ...
by John Kim
First-time writers are the lifeblood of the film industry
and often the best hope for fresh, innovative stories
in any film year. Below is a brief listing of upcoming
filmssome dramatic, others comedic, but all authored
by debut screenwriters. If these writers can break into
the industry ...
Envy
Release Date: April 2, 2004
This new Barry Levinson (Diner, Wag the Dog) lm is
based on an original pitch by writers Larry David (Sour
Grapes, Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Steve Adams (in
his debut) sold to Castle Rock Entertainment in 1999.
The story of two friends (Jack Black and Ben Stiller)
whose relationship implodes when one (Black) makes
millions off an invention, and the other (Stiller) begins
to envy every sign of his new success in life. Adams
was a staff writer on the short-lived Fridays television
series in the 1980s on which David was a regular con-
tributor. Also starring Rachel Weisz, Ving Rhames and
Christopher Walken.
Ned Kelly
Release Date: March 26, 2004
Directed by Gregor Jordan (Buffalo Soldiers) and
based on the real-life 19th century Australian out-
law Ned Kelly, this release stars Heath Ledger as the
man whose Kelly Gang terrorized the outback in the
1870s. Adapted by novelist and rst-time screen-
writer Robert Drewe (with John M. McDonagh, also
in his debut), from his own novel Our Sunshine, the
story follows Kelly and his band of bushrangers as
they roam the countryside and attempt to escape the
efforts of a police superintendent (Geoffrey Rush) hot
on their trail. Co-starring Orlando Bloom, with Naomi
Watts as Kellys love interest. This story was also the
basis of a 1970 lm version starring Mick Jagger, and
of the rst feature lm made in Australia, titled The
Story of the Kelly Gang (1906).
OTHER FILMS WRITTEN BY DEBUT WRITERS:
MARCH APRIL
Noi the Albino Mean Girls
Written by: Dagur Kari Written by: Tina Fey
The United States of
Broken Wings
Written by: Nir Bergman Leland
Written by: Matthew Ryan
Never Die Alone Hoge
Written by: James Gibson
Johnson Family
Intermission Vacation
Written by: Mark ORowe Written by: Richey Jones and
Todd Jones
Off the Map
Written by: Joan Ackermann
Young Adam
Written by: David McKenzie
Shade
Written by: Damian Nieman
scriptmag.com
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 " ^ l (  ` i l g [ n #
by David Trottier
DR. FORMAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS
LOOK WHOS PRAYING of both throughout my script, or should I just
QUESTION stick to one style?
How do I write a single dialogue speech for
three characters to say at the same time? For ANSWER
example, I have a scene where three characters If the action takes only a few words to
say the same prayer at the same time. describe, its okay to write it either wayas
action or as a parenthetical.
ANSWER
I can best answer this with an example. ALBERT
(tipping his hat)
LARRY, MOE & CURLY Its been a long time.
(together)
Now I lay me down to Loretta slaps his face.
sleep/Pray the Lord my
soul to keep. LORETTA
Not long enough.
Naturally, in the above example, I could have
written at the same time as my parenthetical, As you can see, it is okay to use both styles in
or in unison. your screenplay as I did in the example above.
However, any action that takes more than a
If someone starts saying something, and the few words to describe should be written as
other begins before the first has finished, then narrative description only.
that overlapping dialogue is written as follows:
Loretta sucker-punches Albert
CURLY then pushes him into a mud
puddle.
Now I roll down my covers
-- LORETTA
How low can you get?
MOE
(overlapping) THE WRYLY FACTOR
-- Not until you say your QUESTION
prayers, ya knucklehead. At a recent conference, I heard so many contra-
dictory rules about formatting that my head
was spinning. Some say all of the action should
POETIC LICENSE be written in parentheticals [often referred to as
QUESTION wrylies] since producers read only the dialogue,
How do I separate lines in a stanza of a and some say that there should be no paren-
poem? theticals at all. Can you help?
ANSWER ANSWER
Use a slash. See the example above of The Its true there are producers in town who only
Three Stooges praying in unison. read dialogue, but that does not mean that
they read the wrylies, too. Nor does it mean
WHERE TO PUT THE ACTION that all producers only read dialogue. Keep in
QUESTION mind that before a producer reads your script,
I just finished an existing TV drama script and a professional reader reads it from beginning
noticed something about my style. Sometimes to end. Finally, when a production company
I write a characters action on the action line gets serious about a script, then several people
[as narrative description], and sometimes I in the company may end up reading it. So
write it under the characters name itself [as a dont be unduly concerned about how much of
parenthetical, or actors instruction]. Which is your script will get read. You cant control that.
correct? If they both are, can I have examples What you can control is what you write.
14 scr(i)pt
Use wrylies sparingly. If there are too many,
then a reader is likely not to take them seri-
ously. The main purpose of wrylies is to clarify
the subtext when the subtext is not already
apparent. For example, if a character says,
I love you in a sarcastic way, and it is not
otherwise apparent that he would be sarcastic,
then thats the time to use the parenthetical
(wryly). Too often, I see something like the
following in a screenplay.
Kip is fighting mad.
KIP
(angrily shouting)
I hate you!!!
The above example says the same thing in three
different ways. In this case, all you need is the
speech itself. Also, lose the exclamation points.
Your speech should not look like a want ad.
Use a wryly to indicate action that can be
described in a few words. I provided an example
of that in the Where to Put the Action section.
Also use a wryly to indicate to whom the
character is speaking when that is not other-
wise clear.
MOE
(to Curly)
Not you, ya knucklehead.
Speaking of wrylies, if you follow this column,
you already know that I discourage the use
of the lifeless term beat to indicate a pause.
I much prefer an adverb, facial expression or
action that comments on either the story or the
character while still implying a pause. Its an
unbeatable approach.
Now get all of the Dr. Format columns in
one book! See ad on page 81.
DAVE TROTTIER is a script consultant and writer-
producer who has sold several screenplaysall in
correct format. He is also the author of the highly
acclaimed The Screenwriters Bible (now in its
third edition), and the new Dr. Format software.
Visit his web site at Keepwriting.com or request
information about his books, software and ser-
vices at (800) 264-4900. Send your questions
about formatting in care of this magazine or to
dave@keepwriting.com
scriptmag.com
 " [ ^ p _ l n c m _ g _ h n #
DR. FORMAT
SCREENWRITING SOFTWARE
QUESTION
Why are you coming out with your own program?
ANSWER
Four reasons. First, I wanted a program that is
truly affordable to all screenwriters. Dr. Format
is just $79.95 for students and $99.95 for every-
one else.
I wanted a program that is easy to use and learn.
Dr. Format is based on Microsoft Word. If you
already use Microsoft Word, you already know
how to use Dr. Format.
Too many older programs no longer conform
to the current Hollywood formatting rules. Dr.
Format is based on the most current formatting
rules in The Screenwriters Bible.
Finally, I wanted a program that allows anyone in
the world to receive my script and be able to read
it. Since Dr. Format is based on Microsoft Word,
you can send your script anywhere in the world
as a Word document. As long as the other person
can open Microsoft Word documents, they dont
need Dr. Format to read your script.
Dr. Format Presents
QUESTION
Whats the difference between Dr. Format
Screenwriting Software and all the other
screenwriting programs?
ANSWER
Dr. Format is the only software based on my
book The Screenwriters Bible. The Bible defines
industry standard for formatting spec scripts.
Many other programs require you to read a
lengthy manual. Because Dr. Format Screen-
writing Software is based on Microsoft Word,
you will spend less time learning the program and
more time using it.
QUESTION
Do I need anything to write my screenplay with
Dr. Format?
ANSWER
You must have Microsoft Word. Dr. Format
works with all versions of Microsoft Word
for Windows going back to Word 97 and for
Microsoft Word for Macintosh going back to
Word 98.
QUESTION
Can I test out or demo the program? Do you offer
some type of guarantee?
ANSWER
Of course. You can take a complete walk-through
of the program at www.drformat.com and down-
load the manual. We also offer a 30-day money
back guarantee if youre not completely satisfied.
QUESTION
Where can I buy the program?
ANSWER
Check out www.drformat.com or e-mail me at
dave@keepwriting.com. Go to www.drformat.com
for instructions on ordering online or through a
retail outlet near you.
DAVE TROTTIER is a script consultant and writer-
producer who has sold several screenplaysall in
correct format. He is also the author of the highly
acclaimed The Screenwriters Bible (now in its
third edition), and the new Dr. Format software.
Visit his web site at Keepwriting.com or request
information about his books, software and ser-
vices at (800) 264-4900. Send your questions
about formatting in care of this magazine or to
drformat@keepwriting.com
 " q b i  s i o  e h i q #
by John Scott Lewinski

PHOTO: Neal Preston

SHARI BROOKS
Theres a common gripe among writers in the TV writing business that real-
ity shows (or unscripted television) are killing the job market. With so many
networks and cable outlets filling their weekly line-ups with Survivor, Joe
Millionaire, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and the like, scriptwriters who
came up looking to write one-hour dramas or sitcoms suddenly feel as
though theres no place for them. MTV Networks The Osbournes

I
f thats the case, why am I constantly
meeting writers who work for these real-
ity shows? Is it possible that the term
unscripted is somehow a misnomer? Are
those out-of-work writers still looking for jobs
because reality shows killed the TV market?
On the other hand, are they just unwilling to
open their minds and lower themselves to
working in unscripted television?
Shari Brooks, story editor on the popu-
lar and groundbreaking reality show The
Osbournes, worked in both scripted and
unscripted TV and admits the transition
between the genres was difficult but is hard-
ly impossible.
While in the USC Master of Professional
Writing Program, Brooks interned at
MTVs The Real World. She was then hired
after graduation as the shows night tran-
scriber, putting in long hours logging the
days footage. After a few weeks of that
hard duty, she transitioned to a day job as
assistant story editor.
I eventually story-edited some episodes
during the season, Brooks said from her
office in Santa Monica. But, I really want-
ed to work in comedy.
Brooks left The Real World to find
employment in sitcoms as a writers assis-
tant, but how did she manage to get one of
the highly coveted writers assistant gigs?
Its really difficult to get a writers assis-
tant jobeven one as an unpaid intern-
ship, Brooks said. But, once you have your
first job and youve proven yourself, youll be
recommended and will move from show to
show. The trick can be not being too good at
it because you could end up getting pigeon-
holed as a writers assistant.
Brooks recommended poring through
The Hollywood Reporter for shows that are
picked up as pilots. Get the line producers
name and fax number from the shows and
cover the city with resums.
For my first show, Brooks said, I sent a
resum to every show in town and got mul-
tiple interviews and multiple job offers. You
have to be willing to take any job. Some
people start as a personal assistant.
As an assistant, Brooks worked on six
different sitcoms over a few years. That
eventually led to work as a script coordina-
toroffering her the chance to occasionally
pitch jokes and stories to producers.
I co-wrote one episode for Caroline in
the City, Brooks said. Switching over was
difficult because its not easy making transi-
tions as a writer. People are generally cau-
tious with writers looking to transition. Its
easier to pigeonhole someone rather than
allow him or her to write both comedy and
drama or comedy and unscripted.
Brooks then found herself back at MTV
where she learned that The Osbournes pro-
ducers were doing a pilot for that show.
She got onboard and has been there for all
three seasons.
But, what does a writer do in a medium
that is supposed to feature naturally occur-
ring, non-fiction narratives? Is there any
room for a writer to create a story in an
unscripted show? There is because what
a scriptwriter does on any reality show is
the same as what any writer does all the
timesearch for the stories that arise in
everyday life.
Brooks explained: Its possible to put a
show together if you know basic storytell-
ing. You cull the show from a huge amount
of footage. The Real World helped to train
me for the story-editor job here on The
Osbournes because I learned how to find,
track and develop the stories already present
in the footage.
A sitcom writer sits in a room with a
bunch of people pitching stories and jokes.
But, a reality-show story editor is sitting
alone in a room watching hours of tape and
pulling a story together from all of it.
Brooks and company at The Osbournes
have about three weeks to put one epi-
sode together. For the episode that she
was working on at the time, she watched
upwards of 90 tapes of 30 to 40 minutes
each. Thats an average of 3,150 minutes
or 52.5 hours of tape she had to absorb in
a three-week period. That doesnt include
editing time.
Working on The Osbournes is surreal
becausewhile watching all of this tape
Im living with these people even though
Ive never really met them.
In the future, Brooks would like to sell
her own show. She could perhaps produce
her own reality show.
I also love the process of putting together
sitcoms, she added. Having the audience
there on shoot night is an experience you
dont get on reality shows.
Id love someday to go back to long-form
screenplays and perhaps write a novel down
the road, but that will have to wait.
JOHN SCOTT LEWINSKIS next book, Alone in
a Room: The Secrets of Professional Screenwriters
(from Michael Wiese Productions: Mwp.com)
will hit shelves in late 2004. A featured screen-
writer at the 2003 Cinestory Script Sessions with
his award-winning script Slabtown, Lewinski
is represented by the management firm of
Benderspink in Hollywood, CA.

16 scr(i)pt scriptmag.com
 "mj_] m[f_ mjinfcabn#
NATHAN SKULNIK: NOT A
HOSTAGE TO HOLLYWOOD
Nathan Skulniks screenplay The Hostage turns the tables on traditional
storylines with a bank robbery gone bad for the bank robber.
N
athan Skulnik sold his first script
The Hostage not soon after his first
spec made the rounds in Hollywood
and was ultimately passed on by the stu-
dios. It was well received by everyone in
town, but it was passed on because it was
too small, or too period or too whatever,
Skulnik says. So after introducing my writ-
ing on a more intimate, less high-concept
story, I decided to try my hand at some-
thing that could be a great action film with
a great twist.
The Hostage ended up being just this
kind of piece, and Skulnik wrote it with
fellow American Film Institute classmate
Kenwood Youmans.
The Hostage is about a family who gets
caught in the middle of a bank robbery
that escalates into a hostage situation.
Used as a bargaining chip between the
cops and the thieves, our hero is released,
against his will, from the bank, Skulnik
explains. The problem is his wife and
daughter are still in the bank. The man
ultimately takes matters into his own
hands, finds the family of the mastermind
thief and takes them hostage.
It took Skulnik and his writing partner
about two weeks to write the story, another
three weeks to write the first draft and then
a few months to revise it.
Our managers, Sean Perrone and Aaron
Kaplan, sent [the script] out along with our
guys from United Talent Agency, Skulnik
says. The morning after the script was
sent, there was an offer on the table from
Baltimore/Spring Creek and Intermedia.
Skulnik and Youmans wrote the first few
drafts along with executives at Intermedia
and Baltimore/Spring Creek, but they were
ultimately replaced. Well, not really,
Skulnik jokes. However, the truth is, They
did put a new writer on the script, and
18 scr(i)pt
by Rita Cook
word is his draft is amazing. I am just hop-
ing they can get that movie going because it
is a lot of fun, he concludes.
Since that sale Skulnik has had quite a
time working in Hollywood. He worked at
Buena Vista, Touchstone and Walt Disney
Pictures and was actually under contract
with them. I was one of three contract
writers working for them, and it was really
just about the greatest job in the world,
Skulnik says.
While at Disney he worked on rewrites
and polishes for everything from Young
Black Stallion to Snow Dogs to Escape
to Witch Mountain. On Escape to Witch
Mountain, Skulnik says he really learned a
lot because he and director David Nutter
spent several months going over the script
page by page. I was really hoping we
would get the green light on that one, but
ultimately I think Disney felt our version
might have been a little too dark.
Since working with Disney, Skulnik has
been polishing a spec called Chrysalis; and
he says it has been getting a very good
response from the studios.
Skulnik says his outlining process is very
haphazard. At first I get the idea; and when
the idea comes, I know it, he explains. Its
like a feeling you get. You get this amazing
adrenaline rush. Then, in a flash, I see the
entire movie. Then I spend the next five
months building on what I saw in those
first seconds.
Skulnik goes on to explain that he jots
down notes; takes weeks to notice every-
thing that he sees, reads or hears; and lets
those things inspire him. I kind of become
an antenna, he says just trying to attract
anything that might help me put this huge
puzzle that is the story together. He also
does the notecard process he learned from
a writing instructor at AFI; and following
Screenwriter Nathan Skulnik
that is the treatment, which can be any-
where from two to 30 pages.
Skulnik believes that as a writer you
are always working. As for watching mov-
ies versus reading scripts, he suggests that
screenwriters get the scripts to all their
favorite movies and then watch those films
on DVD and read along. See how the
words translate onto the screen, he says.
Notice how few words are used and how
concise everything is.
In the end, successful writing is really
about what interests you as a screenwriter.
Dont just write movies about movies.
Find the amazing things in life, the stories
that are just dying to be told, and always
keep your feelers out, he recommends.
When asked for his advice to other screen-
writers, Skulnik offers a quote from a famous
writer: Ass plus chair equals writing.
He adds, The most important thing is
to believe you can do it. Sit down at your
computer and put the time in because if
you love to write, there is not a better job
in the world.
RITA COOK is the editor-in-chief of Insider
magazine and also a producer and screen-
writer. In 2002, she co-produced three films:
Schizophrenic, Gabriella and Lost Soul. A short
film, Quest to Ref, on which she was pro-
ducer, was recently selected at Sundance. Cook
is the President of Cinewomen, Los Angeles,
and President Emeritus of Women in Film &
Television, Chicago.
scriptmag.com
 " c h ^ _ j _ h ^ _ h n m #
CREATING COMPELLING CHARACTERS
Your character is just a name on the
pagehow do you make sure the
reader cares about him? As strange
as it may seem, character flaws and
weaknesses are the things that
create a bond between the reader
and your character.
Y
our protagonist enters the world
naked. You dont have Jim Carrey
playing a guy who would remove
portions of his memory in order to get over
a heartbreak (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless
Mind), or Billy Bob Thornton as Davy
Crockett trying to live up to his own legend
(The Alamo), or even Denzel Washington
playing a tough ex-Marine hell-bent on
revenge (Man on Fire). The role hasnt been
cast. Theres no actor bringing his personal-
ity and performance to the page. All you
have is the characters name and a brief
sentence describing him: GEORGE is the
most cautious person in the worldhe even
looks up before crossing a street. How do
we make sure a studio reader cares about
your protagonist for 110 pages? How do we
keep that reader involved on page 73 when
that single line of character description has
long been forgotten? The reader may have
to cover a dozen scripts that week. How can
we make sure our protagonist is the one he
remembers?
You need to know your protagonist well
enough to write a brief, hopefully witty,
one-sentence description that sums up the
essence of the character. What he wears,
what color his eyes are, even knowing his
educational and social background doesnt
really matter. Much of that will change
with casting. What does matter is who
your character is. The purpose of story is
to explore character; and if you dont know
everything about your protagonist, youre
not going to be much of a tour guide for
the reader and audience. Take the time
20 scr(i)pt
by William C. Martell
Marlin and Dory encounter a trio of sharks in their quest to find Nemo
to really think about who this character
is before you sit down to write those 110
pages about him. A little prewriting saves a
whole lot of rewriting.
THE SKIN JUMP
The cinema lights go down, and the
movie begins. If the film is good, we jump
into the skin of the protagonist and live his
life for two hours. We worry about him,
root for him and feel his pain. His joy is
our joy. His anger is our anger. His fears
become our fears. When the protagonist
is in trouble, its as if we are in trouble. We
have made that skin jump into the pro-
tagonist, and we are vicariously living his
life. We have stopped watching the movie
... we are living the movie.
We want to take the viewer and reader
inside our characters life. But what if the
character is someone to whom it is dif-
ficult to relate? What if he is a villain? Or
a robot? Or a Hobbit? Or a fish? How can
you ever hope to get the reader to walk
110 pages in your protagonists shoes if he
doesnt even have feet?
Last years most popular film was Pixars
Finding Nemo written by Andrew Stanton
ALL PHOTOS: Disney Enterprises, Inc. / Pixar
Animation Studios. All Rights Reserved.
(story and screenplay), Bob Peterson
(screenplay) and David Reynolds (screen-
play). The film made nearly $340 million
in its domestic theatrical run and then sold
an estimated $158 million in DVD and
home video on its first day of home release.
People love this movie and relate to the pro-
tagonist even though hes a cowardly clown
fish. If youve watched the making of
documentary, you know that making the
animated fish human was a major chal-
lenge for the Pixar team. Their usual bag
of tricks couldnt be used because Marlin
and Nemo didnt have hands with which to
gesture or faces in the human sense. Even
Mr. Potato Head has a nose! Its difficult
enough to make the audience care about a
human being who will be played by a major
movie star. How do you make us care about
a fish thats only a cartoon?
SHARED EXPERIENCE
When Finding Nemo begins, cute, little
clownfish Marlin and his wife Coral have
just moved into a larger home in prepara-
tion for hatching the dozens of eggs which
will become their family. The biggest con-
flict in their lives is naming all of those little
scriptmag.com
 " c h ^ _ j _ h ^ _ h n m #
onesthe boys will be Marlin Jr., the girls
Coral Jr. ... but Coral thinks they should
name one Nemo. By creating a situation
that we understand (family), we have a
point of identification with Marlin and
Coral. Creating a similar situation in your
script will open the door to your character,
but then you need to pull the audience into
your characters life.
Only seconds after we meet Marlin, Coral
and the eggs, a barracuda attacks their new
home. Marlin is unable to save his wife and
children. Everyone is eaten except Marlin
and a single egg (Nemo). Marlin feels
responsible ... and we feel his pain.
Emotions create a bond between your
protagonist and the audience. But hav-
ing the character tell us what he is feeling
doesnt work. You need to create an emo-
tional experience we can share. The deeper
that emotional experience, the more we
feel. Dont protect your protagonist from
physical and emotional danger. Always be
looking for the worst thing that can hap-
pen. Having Marlins family killed is bad.
Having his family killed because he failed
to protect them is worse.

ASSOCIATION BY GUILT
Nemo is the only family Marlin has,
his only chance at being a good parent ...
so he becomes overprotective of the little
guy. On the first day of fish school, Marlin
swims Nemo to class holding his fin the
entire way. He wants Nemo to play on the
sponges with the little kids and warns the
teacher that his son isnt a good swimmer.
When he finds out that the class is going to
the edge of the reef, he chases after them to
make sure Nemo doesnt get hurt.
Meanwhile, little Nemo has had his first
taste of freedom and adventure and loves it.
He and some playmates dare each other to
swim out and touch the bottom of a boat in
the middle of the ocean. When Marlin sees
this, he loses his temper and yells at his son for
putting himself in potential danger. He wants
to pull Nemo out of school and keep him at
home where its safe. A huge argument ensues.
Nemo breaks from his father and swims away,
and is captured by a scuba diver.
Marlin loses his son because he was over-
protective. Their final conversation was an
argument. Again, Marlin is responsible for
the loss of his family. Its his fault that
Nemo was captured.
You might think this chain of events
would make us dislike Marlin, but it has the

(2004) MARCH/APRIL scr(i)pt 21

" c h ^ _ j _ h ^ _ h n m #
Finding Nemo written by Andrew Stanton (story and screenplay), Bob Peterson (screenplay) and David Reynolds (screenplay)
opposite effect. If a character makes a mistake and regrets it, we feel
sorry for him. Marlin had no idea when he argued with Nemo that
those would be his last words to his son. Marlin thought he was
doing the right thing by being so protective, and now he realizes
he was wrong. Maybe he wouldnt have done it if I hadnt been
so tough on him. Marlin needs to set things right and is look-
ing for personal redemption because he contributed to Nemos
capture. We know how bad he feels, and that offers us a doorway
into the character. The bigger the guilt, the bigger the doorway.
Its because Marlin made a major error in judgement that we
identify with him so much. We all have things we regret; we all
have loved ones we have hurt; we all wish we could take back
some action or words. We are really rooting for Marlin to find his
son so that he can make up for his mistake in judgement.
HOPES AND FEARS
Its not enough for a character to have a problem. He has to
do something. Your protagonist needs to be actively struggling to
resolve the conflict. If Marlin just sat around the house feeling sorry
for himself, we would stop caring about him. Your protagonist
needs a goal and a plan of action for achieving that goal. When the
boat carrying Nemo speeds away, the scuba-diving dentists face
mask falls off the deck into the ocean. On the masks strap: the
dentists name and address. Now Marlin has a goal and a planhes
going to swim to Sydney, Australia to rescue Nemo.
Your protagonists goal must be tangiblesomething that we
can see or something that we can see accomplished. The goal is the
characters purpose in the story. So if a character has a vague goal
or a goal thats difficult to understand, your protagonist will seem
aimless and possibly pointlessnot a good thing if you want us to
care about him! Marlins goal cant be something like be a better
father because we cant see that. Film is a visual medium, and the
goal needs to be something we can see.
The films title tells us the goal in Finding Nemo, but that scuba
mask gives us the plan. The sooner we, the audience, know the
protagonists goal and his plan for achieving it, the sooner we can
become involved in the outcome. You, the writer, must commu-
nicate the goal and the plan to the audience/reader, or we wont
know what the protagonist is doing. We wont know when he is
22 scr(i)pt
about to fail. We want the reader and later the audience to hope
the protagonist will achieve his goal but fear that he might fail.
Marlins goal becomes our goal. His struggles to find Nemo not
only bring his character to the surface, but they also make us care
about him. What if he cant find Nemo? For a skin jump to work,
we need to understand exactly what the character is doing.
WHEN PLANS GO WRONG
The first thing Marlin needs to do is find someone who can
read the address on the mask. This is a small goal, a step in
reaching the larger goal. The mask becomes a physical symbol
for finding Nemo.
Marlin finds Dory, a fish with serious memory problems but
with the ability to read. Before Dory gets a chance to read the
mask, they are captured by a trio of sharks. When characters
are in danger, we worry about them. A compelling character is
one who gets deeper and deeper into troubleput a baby on
the ledge of a building, and were going to worry. Put the same
baby in a crib, and we just think its cute. If you want us to
care about your character, get him in lots of trouble. Make sure
everything goes wrong.
Several times the mask is almost lost, and we root for Marlin
and Dory to risk their lives and go back to get it. When the mask
is dropped into a deep trench, we fear that it is gone forever; and
Marlin may have lost his only clue to Nemos whereabouts. We
hope Marlin and Dory can swim into the darkness and find the
mask. Even when they find the mask, there is still a chance at fail-
urestill a major struggle ahead of them. The only light to read by
is from a fish thats trying to eat them. While Marlin uses himself
as bait to lure the fish close to the mask, Dory reads the address on
the strap. Several times Marlin almost gets munchedhis potential
peril involves us.
Conflict that is easily or quickly resolved doesnt involve us. Its
the struggle which creates suspense: Will Marlin be able to keep
from becoming lunch long enough for Dory to read the mask strap?
You want to keep that conflict perking for pages! The best way to
do that is to create a dilemma: Marlin has to choose between his
own safety and getting the address on the mask. When he swims
away from the hungry fish, it becomes too dark for Dory to read.
scriptmag.com

HES ONLY HUMAN
Once Dory has read the address, they know where Nemo is ...
but how do they get there? Marlins plan is to swim to Sydney,
Australia; but thats many miles away, and hes afraid of the ocean.
Marlin is the most cautious fish in the sea, but he will have to swim
through dangerous waters to rescue his son. The story will force
him to confront his fears and deal with being overly cautious.
Look at your protagonists character flaw (emotional problem).
Does your story make him bump into his flaw? Usually a character
is in denial about his shortcoming. Marlin believes that being overly
cautious is the best way to live, but thats what caused the argument
with Nemo. In scene after scene, Marlin must choose to do danger-
ous things in order to rescue Nemo. When Marlin and Dory swim
through a minefield of deadly jellyfish, Dory gets stung and Marlin
must decide to swim back into the danger and save her. This takes
courage, and we worry that Marlin may not be able to rescue Dory
and may even be killed.
Marlin has to learn that his methods are wrong. Though he may
risk his life again and again to find Nemo, it isnt until hes hanging
out with Crush, the turtle, that he realizes his being overly protec-
tive of Nemo was a mistake. Crush allows his kids to roam free and
learn by their own mistakes. He trusts them. Marlin realizes being
so protective is what caused Nemo to be captured. A characters
fears and flaws make him human ... even if he has gills.
Your protagonists character flaw is the story. His physical prob-
lem (plot) should be created to force him to deal with this emo-
tional problem. He wont be able to resolve the physical problem
without resolving his emotional problem. Just like Luke Skywalker
cant blow up The Death Star until he believes in the Force and
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" c h ^ _ j _ h ^ _ h n m #
starts trusting his intuition, Marlin cant find Nemo unless he stops
being over-cautious. By the time Marlin gets to Sydney, hes become
a legend: The little clownfish who fought three sharks, swam into
the deepest trench in the sea, crossed the ocean and swam through
a swarm of dangerous jellyfish. Marlin has not only conquered his
own fears, but he has also conquered his flaws and now can allow
Nemo to be a kid and play without constant supervision.
MAKE THE READER FEEL
It doesnt matter if a character onscreen is emotional. What mat-
ters is if those emotions are experienced by the audience. Bring us
inside your lead character and make us feel what he feels. We only
dislike people we dont understand, so show us their goals, their
flaws and their fears. Strange as it may seem, character flaws, weak-
ness and guilt are the very things that create a bond between the
reader and character. Vulnerability makes us care about characters.
Involve us in your protagonists struggle to achieve his goal and
make sure the obstacles seem almost impossible to overcome. If the
character has no chance to fail and doesnt constantly come close
to failing, we cant root for him to succeed. Compelling characters
are characters struggling on every page with problems that we
understandemotional problems that are connected to the major
conflict in your screenplay.
WILLIAM C. MARTELL has written over a dozen produced films for
cable and video, including the HBO World Premiere Movie Crash Dive
and the family film Invisible Mom. He is the author of The Secrets of
Action Screenwriting. He may be reached at: Scriptsecrets.net
scr(i)pt 23
Which
Screenwriting
Program
Is Right
For You?
Part Two
T
he fact may change in the future;
but for now, computers cannot
invent stories. The human mind is
still the only force in civilization capable of
creative imagination. Computers still think
too by the numbers to participate in the
invention of fiction.
But, that doesnt mean your Mac or PC
cant lend a hand in the process of creat-
ing or developing your story. There is an
ever-growing selection of software products
aimed directly at the writer who needs
help in organizing and nursing his story
to fruition.
Since many writers arent in convenient
proximity to a film school or university
extension screenwriting class, they often
have to resort to books for their writing les-
sons. However, these software packages offer
more interactive tools for building stories.
They provide basic organization tools that
all writers can utilize even if they have years
worth of experience.
DRAMATICA
PRO 4.0
Once known sim-
ply as Movie Magic
Dramatica, Dramatica
Pro 4.0 now boldly
describes itself as
The Ultimate Creative Writing Partner.
24 ssccrr( (i i) )pptt
It might just be thatat least in the cyber
sense. The program promises to help any
screenwriter (either novice or expert) to
develop characters, plots and themes into
fully realized stories.
Dramatica Pro is manufactured by Write
Bros., Inc. (formerly Screenplay Systems,
Inc.), makers of popular organizing, plan-
ning, bookkeeping, writing and development
software for motion picture and television
writers, production managers and line pro-
ducers. Dramatica Pro is Write Bros. heavy-
hitter in the story development race, offering
the most graphically friendly interface.
After gliding through an easy installa-
tion program, users move to a tile-based,
point-and-click menu screen that allows
the writer to either start a new story or
pick up analysis of an old story at any
point in its development.
You can navigate through the StoryGuide
section that allows you to jump into a
quick start on your new story. The Open
Story command obviously allows you to
access a story on which youve been work-
ing in the past. However, it also presents
the interesting opportunity to break down
and analyze a pre-existing story (included
in the software) with Dramaticas functions.
This option gives the less-experienced writ-
ers insight into how legitimate, big-time,
professional scripts break down before they
BY JOHN SCOTT LEWINSKI
move into work on their own products.
The Characters tile helps you to develop
and flesh-out your characters. The function
allows you to go much deeper than mere
name, appearance, sex or age. It lets you
figure out the characters needs and function
with the narrative. Finally, the Character
tile allows you to define immediately the
relationships between your charactersan
essential tool because those relationships will
invariably drive most screenplays.
The Plot Progression command outlines
a linear view of a given storys through-lines
and plot points. Theme Browser gives the
user a 3-D look at a storys dramatic ele-
ments (characters, plot points, etc.), offering
an overview of how they all work together
to build an effective script. If you see some-
thing not quite working here, simply go
back to the main tile menu and fix it.
The Query System offers a test to work
out where you want a story to go. The
function asks a series of multiple choice
and fill-in questions. How you answer
those queries will define how you will tell
your story. The most advanced Dramatica
Pro user can go directly to the Story
Engine to access the master controls for
creating a plot. This function lets you play
with different possibilities and twists in your
story by shuffling the elements and seeing
how the plot settles.
scriptmag.com

The Story Points section offers a linear,
text-based table interface to examine dramat-
ic elements, their order and their arrange-
ment. You can enter new data into the table
or move elements around. The Reports tile
allows you to look at detailed results on your
plot, characters, theme, etc. You can then
print out those reports or export them into a
word processor or screenwriting program.
Finally, the Brainstorming function pres-
ents the Spin the Model option. It takes
the story choices made so far and randomly
fills in more data to round out the rest of a
plot in order to offer ideas a writer may not
have originally conceived.
0RICE  UPGRADE FROM EARLIER VER-
The individual features include:
s4HE  3TEPS (ELP A WRITER GRADUALLY
build a plot.
s 4HE  "LOCKBUSTER 3TORY %XAMPLES
Include Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Forrest
Gump, Home Alone and The Godfather.
Why not turn to classic films to help you
solve your story problems.
s4HE+EYS/FFERYOUASTARTINGPOINT
for the nucleus of your story.
s"LOCKBUSTER#OACH(IGHLIGHTSTHECOM-
mon traits of very successful films.
s #HARACTER !IDS YOU IN DEVELOPING
multi-dimensional, effective characters.
s 'ENRE $EMONSTRATES THE STORY FORMS
best suited to your story.
" ] l [ ` n #
helps any writer orga-
nize and develop his
material and features an
integrated word proces-
sor with script format-
ting capabilities. The
program allows a writer
of scripts, novels, etc. to arrange ideas
graphically, providing a left brain/right
brain interface.
As it was originally conceived, Writers
Blocks 3 is not a product created exclusively
for screenwriters. A writer could work on his
book, screenplay, speech, research paper or
any number of projects with this software.
Writers Blocks uses text blocks that a
SIONS  &OR MORE INFORMATION VISIT s 0REMISE !SKS IF YOUR STORY HAS DEPTH writer manipulates to form structure or
Dramatica.com
JOHN TRUBYS
BLOCKBUSTER
I remember originally
reviewing John Trubys
Blockbuster when it first
premiered a few years
ago. I gave it a positive reception, but I
recall wondering if the program would stick
around. After all, was there wide demand
for a program that amounts to the input of
an individual professional analyst? Would
writers spend their money on a program
that offered essentially a subjective look at
their story development process? To borrow a
phrase from the great Robert Evans, You bet
your ass they would. And, they still are.
Computers have advanced greatly since
Blockbuster hit the scene, but the program
is still on the market. It remains popular and
new versions of the program offer techno-
3TEPMODEL7HILECONSTRUCTINGA3CENE with both pull-down menus and point-and-
logical advances and feature improvements.
While not as graphically advanced as
3TEP FUNCTIONS TO THOSE SCENES reminiscent of most major word processors
Dramatica Pro, Blockbuster is a very solid,
thorough and effective tool for beginner or
advanced film and TV writers. John Truby
is an experienced Hollywood writing coach
and script doctor. As the designer of the
software that bears his name, his influence is
evident throughout its functions.
power and originality.
s 2EWRITE )LLUMINATES THE PROBLEMS IN
your script, then guides you in fixing
them.
s3CENE7RITING'IVESYOUASTARTWRITING
your script using the program, with help
online. You can export to other format-
ting programs later if you wish.
s3TORY#OACH'UIDESYOUTHROUGHSTRUC-
ture, character and plot.
Trubys software works within the popu-
larly accepted theory that a good, effec-
tive story begins with a protagonist with
a Problem or Need. The other structure
elements include Desire, Opponent,
Plan, Battle, Self-Revelation and New
Equilibrium. The structure functions allow
a writer to define and outline each of these
elements one at a time.
Truby also utilizes the Hollywood model
that effective stories for the screen utilize: the

List with Blockbuster, the writer assigns one
OF THE 
Blockbuster then allows you to move and
rearrange scenes to fit cinematic functions.
Trubys is the only writing software that
has genre add-on programs (including
Action, Comedy, Crime, Detective, Horror,
Fantasy, Love, Masterpiece, Myth, Sci-fi,
Thriller, Sitcom and TV Drama). In addi-
order within a written work. When writers
still used pen and ink or manual typewriters,
they would use large cork bulletin boards
and a series of three by five-inch index cards
to arrange their ideas. The writers would
sketch out a scene on an index card and pin
it up on that big board. Then, they could
move, re-sort or throw out a card as the
scenes came together to form a movie plot.
Writers Blocks offers an electronic ver-
sion of the old index cards. Each card can
hold a concept, scene, character description,
plot point or other storytelling element. The
cards can move on your screen, change size
or vary in color. A writer can edit, sort, num-
ber and print the individual cards or block
or get an overview of an entire design. The
program also offers separate functions such
as text search/replace and spell-checker.
After a quick and easy installation process,
Writers Blocks offers a simple user interface
click buttons. The entire screen effect is
for Windows.
Once you complete a card, it becomes
a block or a separately moving unit on the
screen. You can add as many cards of as
many types as you need. Then you arrange
them any way that works best for your
scripts scene order, act breaks or potential
Blockbuster offers writers several choices
at its outset. You can begin analysis and
development on a script of your own. Or,
you can take a cyber-version of John Trubys
writing course through your computer.
The products interface is simple; just
point, click and type. The look of the pro-
gram is no-nonsense and stripped down, but
it keeps the user moving smoothly through
script development.
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
TIONTOTHEFILMEXAMPLESIN"LOCKBUSTER branches. The program offers automatic
THEREAREMOREEXAMPLESONTHEWEBSITE
Finally, the software includes adequate
Help functions and a solid list of example
plots to show you how the pros did it.
0RICE&ORMOREINFORMATIONVISIT
Truby.com
WRITERS BLOCKS 3
Writers Blocks (now in its third version)
functions for numbering, sizing and center-
ing your various blocks. Moving and rear-
ranging blocks is as simple as drag-and-drop
editing. While the old-timers had to pull
out those thumbtacks and reshuffle their
index cards on that corkboard, you need
only point and click the mouse.
Every new Writers Block is a small docu-
ment, as if you were actually using a word
scr(i)pt 25
" ] l [ ` n #
processor to write index cards. The size, color
and font of each block remain adjustable so
you can vary or reunite the appearance of
your outline. You can edit one block or
several at a time using standard point-and-
click/highlighting controls. Anyone with a
standard PC and Windows knows that pro-
cedure instinctively, making Writers Blocks
Blocks users can link blocks together with
on-screen lines. These can prove useful
when looking to unite elements in your
script overview or to indicate the flow of
scenes as they branch throughout your
story. Lines are easily formatted for your
personalization using different colors,
arrowheads, line widths and types (such as
feel of a brainstorming exercise or writers
workshop.
$REAM+IT BORROWS FROM ITS SISTER PRO-
gram with the Dramatica Query System.
This function offers a question-and-answer
approach to writing which allows you to
play with story elements and character
relationships.
an easy to use and intuitive program.
This latest version of the program adds
major improvements and new functions.
For example, the program now provides
an integrated word processor which sup-
ports bi-directional text transfer to and
from blocks. By selecting the new option
to Convert Blocks to Manuscript, your
block information is converted to word-
processing format. The created manuscript
contains blockmarks that are links to the
programs original blocks.
Then, all a writer needs to do is split the
screen to see blocks on the left and manu-
script pages on the right. There is an adjust-
able vertical split-screen bar that lets you
control how big the block and manuscript
panels are.
When navigating your document, click-
ing on a block scrolls the manuscript to the
blockmarked section. Clicking on a block-
mark pans the related block to the center of
the screen. With the manuscript full screen,
you can reference your original block text
by double-clicking on the blockmarked text.
Click anywhere on the blockmark to have
your original block pop up in a small text
window (reminiscent of the Script Notes
function in Final Draft).
The Manuscript Panel includes Tab
and Enter key spec script formatting, as
well as pop-up scene and character list fea-
tures found in other script formatting pro-
grams. However, Ashley Software indicates
that Writers Blocks is a story development
tool and is not intended for production
scripts. The word processor also features
bullets, numbering, tables, borders, grid
lines, page breaks, text highlighting, head-
ers and footers.
After you complete your outline, you can
transfer the contents of the blocks to the
manuscript panel and begin writing. The
title and text of each block is transferred
to the manuscript panel. The title of each
block becomes a blockmark indicating a
separate section of your manuscript.
To demonstrate the relationship of
scenes or characters to one another, as in
an interactive narrative flow chart, Writers
26 scr(i)pt
dotted or broken).
Writers Blocks allows a writer to print his
work as individual, actual-size blocks, as an
outline or on perforated index-card stock.
A writer can also print as a chart. These
are printed in column format. If the entire
branching design spreads out over more than
one page, the software breaks up the entire
chart onto several pages for the user to reas-
semble as one larger document.
Finally, once a writer masters all of
Writers Blocks features and completes the
entire design of a story, he can print the
individual index card blocks or produce
a complete, broken-down overview of the
entire plot design.
0RICE  UPGRADE FROM EARLIER VER- of The Story Mind audio program and co-cre-
SIONS  &OR MORE INFORMATION VISIT ator of the original Dramatica, StoryWeaver
Writersblocks.com
WRITERS DREAMKIT 4.0
Of all the programs
described here, the most
ambitious might be the
7RITERS$REAM+ITAS revising and improving work youve already
it offers any writer a sys-
tematic fiction writing
system. From the mak-
ers of Dramatica, the
$REAM+ITOFFERSWRITERSTHECHANCETOEXAM- In the Inspiration Stage, a writer forges the
ine the interior elements of their story before
they begin writing. This program is marketed
as a junior version of Dramatica Pro, and is
intended for beginning and hobbyist writers
who want to get their feet wet before moving
up to the fuller, more professional version of
the theory behind both programs.
After the installation process, you begin
with the StoryGuide to determine your
genre and structure. You can work with the
StoryGuide either directly or by creating
scenes. If youre stuck and cant seem to get
the story going, you can begin with one of
three structure templatesnovel, screen-
play or short story. In these templates,
characters already exist. You can alter them
as you see fit.
The Story Engine function allows you
to play with your story overall and develop
how youll work out your plot. It has the
7ITH THE 7RITERS $REAM+IT  IF YOU
dont want to mess with your entire story, you
can create characters, scenes or conflicts at
any time. No creative idea has to get away. If
that character isnt as fleshed out as youd like,
there are functions to fix that also.
0RICE  UPGRADE FROM EARLIER VER-
SIONS  &OR MORE INFORMATION VISIT
Dramatica.com
STORYWEAVER
A less expensive and
more targeted story devel-
opment tool comes from
the StoryWeaver System.
Developed by Melanie Anne Phillips, author
also works for novels, screenplays or stage-
plays. StoryWeaver guides a writer through
the story development process using the
PROGRAMSTRADEMARK3TORY#ARDS
StoryWeaver records and develops work
on previous Story Cards, so you are always
done on your story. Each of the included
Story Cards focuses on a different story
pointeach offering tips for using an indi-
vidual element in a story.
basic building blocks of a storycharacters,
setting, plot and theme.
In the Development Stage, you move
beyond the basic work of the Inspiration
Stage and add layers to your story. This helps
to create more realistic characters, events and
settings. This is the stage where a good story
can become specialthus connecting with
your audience.
The Exposition Stage helps to work through
how to present a story for the audience. What
should happen when? What needs to hap-
pen by the midway point? When should key
characters or twists be presented? Step-by-step
instructions answer those questions as your
reader or audience peels the onion.
Finally, in the Storytelling Stage, a writer
actually writes scenes or chapters. You can
export any work from StoryWeaver into
industry-standard word processors.
scriptmag.com

Other features include:
s #LICK AND DRAG TO REARRANGE YOUR TIME-
line. You can rearrange any of your story
materials with standard drag-and-drop.
s -OVE CREATIVE NOTES FROM ANYWHERE IN
the program and organize your existing
story materials by adding your own folders
and cards.
s!DDEXTRADEPTHTOYOURSTORYWITH7EB a resulting storyline that you like, you drag-
Links.
s 7ORK ON AS MANY STORIES AS YOU LIKE documents, word processors or your favorite
simultaneously. Each story can be saved
on its own.
Finally, the program includes educational
and explanatory video clips that should aid
in explaining key stages of the development
process.
0RICE&ORMOREINFORMATIONVISIT
Storymind.com
STORYBASE
Storybase is an interac-
tive, user-friendly resource
" ] l [ ` n #
using the software. The package includes three CD-ROMs
Then, once youve made your character, that start with the fundamentals, then intro-
mindset and thrust choices, you are ready duce each part of an actual film produc-
to forge your conflicts. Storybase displays tion. You help the short film develop from
BETWEEN  AND SEVERAL HUNDRED CONFLICTS concept and research through production,
that best match your choices up to that editing and the final cut. The designers
point. Each conflict suggests different paths included raw student film footage on the
for your story. When you find a conflict and CDs (as well as script pages from the shoot),
so you can edit the sample with your own
and-drop or copy-and-paste it into most text software (including Final Cut Pro).
The rooms that virtual students can visit
screenwriting program. include:
Each conflict in the program is linked to s%QUIPMENT2OOM/FFERINGANOVERVIEW
other conflicts that suggest ways your screen- of actual cameras, lenses, etc.
play can movein other words, where that s &ILM &ESTIVALS 2OOM )NCLUDING
conflict might lead. These leads show dif- researched information on where short
ferent ways your script might proceed from films can go to find an audience.
any point in your story. From there, you can s &ILM 'RAMMAR 2OOM $ESCRIBING
shape your story through the endless possi- the rules of filmmaking and the terms
bilities of your own unlimited creativity. involved.
When your story hits a wall, and you cant s&ILM(ISTORY2OOM/FFERINGARELATIVE-
seem to steer it in an effective direction, you ly brief but accurate look into the history
can play with Storybases seemingly infinite of the art form.
that can help screenwrit-
ers master the essential
art of creating conflict.
Not only does every
screenplays narrative structure contain ongo-
ing conflict, but also every scene in your
script should have some internal conflict
of its own. Storybase employs an engine of
combinations to see where your story could s ,IBRARY #ONTAINING AMONG OTHER
go. If the conflicts and scenarios that the things, research material relevant to the
software creates fail to excite you, delete and experts teaching the courses.
begin again. s 2ESTROOM9OU HAVE TO CHECK THIS ONE
Available for all Windows systems, the out for yourself.
software is downloadable from Ashleywildes The other rooms include a Research
web site or on CD-ROM. Room, Scriptwriting Room, Pre-Production
0RICE  &OR MORE INFORMATION VISIT Room, Production Room, Post-Production
ESSENTIALCONFLICTMODELSSUGGESTIONS Storybase.net Room and a Screening Room.
for dramatic or comedic interactions, scenes While the program may not be able to
and stories. HOW TO MAKE YOUR MOVIE reproduce the entirety of the film school
According to Ashleywilde who produces While not strictly a experience, its an affordable introduction
the software, Storybase works to aid your
creative inspiration and your craft, allowing
you to structure stories that work scene-to-
scene and throughout their overall arc. In
addition, the quickest secret to developing
complete, compelling human characters is
to build inherent conflict between them and
their fellow characters.
In fact, the conflicts in Storybase each
involve one or more characters. You can
explore each characters point of view and the
relationships between them.
The character conflicts are then indexed
according to the mindset of the protagonist.
Such mindset overviews lead you to conflicts
that match your characters mental or emo-
tional state during the story.
Based on the mindset of your charac-
ter, you can then make choices as to their
movement, action or thrust. Thrust leads
you to find conflicts that take your story
where you want it to gowhere you might
never have expected the story to go without
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
writing or story develop-
ment program, (In fact,
the emphasis is more on
the directors role.) this
software bears mention-
ing for a couple of rea-
sons. First, it leads the user from the writing
stage through the complete filmmaking pro-
cessa useful tool for the writer-directors
out there. Second, its unique.
This three CD-ROM set is a virtual film
schoolright down to the rendered halls of
academia and the various departments where
the average film student might head during
the semester.
In each classroom, film professionals and
professors from the various real-world film
schools teach workshops on the various stag-
es of filmmakingwriting, development,
directing, editing, etc. If you follow the
course through to its fruition, you are guided
literally through the completion of a short
student film.
TO PRODUCTION 6ERSION  WHICH WAS NOT
available at press time, will be Windows XP
and Mac OS-X native, and will include new
lectures by visiting professors and filmmak-
ers as well as new contents additions on the
subjects of scriptwriting, continuity, busi-
ness plans, selling a short film, documentary
production, experimental film and digital
post-production.
0RICE&ORMOREINFORMATIONVISIT
Howtomakeyourmovie.com
JOHN SCOTT LEWINSKIS next book, Alone in
a Room: The Secrets of Professional Screenwriters
(from Michael Wiese Productions: Mwp.com)
will hit shelves in late 2004. A featured screen-
writer at the 2003 Cinestory Script Sessions with
his award-winning script Slabtown, Lewinski
is represented by the management firm of
Benderspink in Hollywood, CA.
scr(i)pt 27
 Youre Writing a

(so use picture-making words)

BY ROBIN RUSSIN

Screenwriting is all about economy and the forward momentum of the story. But at its
best, screenwriting is also about the poetry of the moving image. Robin Russin takes a look
at how to craft your description to make the reader see the film, not just read the script.

I
t may sound strange, but well-written
description (aka the action, narrative and many seasoned writers still use them
or business) is a lot like poetryit
demands not only economy, but also precise
choices: the specificity of choosing exactly
the right words and rhythms to conjure the
desired images and emotions. Its become
a truism that the screenplay is merely the
blueprint for a movie; and not until recently
(if at all) has screenwriting been considered
a literary form in its own right. But the fact
remains that a screenplayespecially a spec
script fighting to be noticed in the growing
locust-swarm of submissions assaulting the
industryshould not only map the story, but
do so in a way that uses the visual elements
of each scene to convey the tone, texture and
mood of the potential film. It should do so
in a way that will compel habitually tired,
jaded and overwhelmed readers to become
so involved that they stop being aware of
reading a script and start playing the film in
their heads as they turn the pages. Your script
should be transparentyou want readers
to experience it as a movie.
CALLING THE SHOTS BY
LEADING THE EYE
Including camera directions and angles
tends to be discouraged nowadays. Although
they once were common in screenplays
out of habitthe trend is to avoid them,
and for good reasons. Camera directions
not only intrude on the directors turf, they
also detract from the read: you want read-
ers to see the movie, not the movie set. Of
course, you still want them to see the movie
the way you doand again, this is where
precise imagery comes into play.
So be specific. Find the right word.
Theres nothing less involving than a script
with description where piled-on adjec-
tives prop up generic nouns. Instead, an
unadorned but descriptive noun, juicy
metaphor or simile would enliven the
description rather than bog it down. Also,
remember that the language you use should
contain not only your own unique voice
but also the personality of the kind of
story youre writing.
Heres a bit of description using camera
angles and generic language:
WIDE MASTER: Its dark. In the
middle of nowhere, a huge,
decrepit-looking house rises
threateningly from a dead, wet,
marshy swamp.
MOVING IN: A weak, wavering
light is on in one window on an
upper floor.
MEDIUM SHOT: From behind the
wavy glass of the old window,
a small, shadowy figure comes
to look out.
ANGLE ON MARIA: Shes a young
girl, with a frightened,
trapped-looking face.
ECU: In her light blue eyes,
we see reflected a lightning-
strike from the approaching
thunderstorm.
Now, lets lose the camera directions and
put in picture-making words:
A MANSION looms, spectral,
above a night-dark bog.
In a high casement, a candle
flickers like a lost soul.
A SILHOUETTE ripples into view
behind the ancient pane:
MARIA, a waif of 10, gapes out,
petrified.
The sky-blue pools of her eyes
suddenly spark with the light-
ning of the gathering tempest.
Not deathless, but clearly more economi-
cal, image-oriented and evocative of the
kind of gothic effect the scene is going for.

28 scr(i)pt scriptmag.com

The camera angles are clear without having
been spelled out.
MOVING IMAGES
As director Sergei Eisenstein pointed out
at the dawn of filmmaking, the right images
cut into the right order create a powerful
associative effect. He was dealing more with
the editing side of things; but you as the
writer create the first sequence of images
and, in a sense, are both directing and edit-
ing as you make those choices.
Lets look at the unforgettable chest-
bursting scene from Alien (in a draft cred-
ited to Dan OBannon, David Giler and
Walter Hill):
A red stain.
Then a smear of blood blossoms
on his chest.
The fabric of his shirt is
ripped apart.
A small head the size of
mans fist pushes out.
The crew shouts in panic. Leap
back from the table.
The cat spits, bolts away.
The tiny head lunges forward.
Comes spurting out of Kanes
chest trailing a thick body.
Splatters fluids and blood in
its wake.
Lands in the middle of the
dishes and food.
Wriggles away while the crew
scatters.
Then the Alien being disap-
pears from sight.
Kane lies slumped in his
chair.
Very dead.
A huge hole in his chest.
The dishes are scattered.
Food covered with blood.
This is hard, fast-paced action writing
but it also reads almost like a passage from
some grim epic poem. The staccato sen-
tences, focused by terse, specific nouns
(about 30 nouns to only about six adjec-
tives), convey the tension and horror of the
scene with almost the same visual impact as
watching the scene played out. The script
clearly directs the scene, without calling
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
a single shot. Its no wonder this script led
to a classic film. Not to get too lofty, but
just compare it with a battle passage from
Homers The Iliad (book XIII):
Meriones leveled a bronze-tipped
shaft at him as he was fleeing the field,
and struck him in the right hip.
The arrow pierced the bone through
and through and punctured his bladder.
So he sank where he stood and
gasped his last in his comrades embrace,
sprawled like a worm upon the earth
and watering the soil with the blood
that spilled from his wound.
The strategy in these passages is to evoke
shock and horror by looking unblinkingly at
the unfolding carnage.
PARADOXICAL PICTURES
In another science-fiction landmark, The
Matrix, the strategy is to convey an eerie
a distortion of perceived reality:
FADE IN ON:
COMPUTER SCREEN
So close it has no boundaries.
A blinking cursor pulses in
the electric darkness like a
heart coursing with phospho-
rous light, burning beneath the
derma of black-neon glass.
Here, the simile equating a computer cur-
sor to a beating heart and the metaphor of
a monitor screen as living tissue effectively
introduce the theme of blurred boundaries
between actual and virtual life. Later on,
what we see shows us were in a relativistic
worldbodies move in impossible ways,
stand still while the world moves dizzyingly
around them, and what we see may or may
not be real:
The edge falls away into a wide
back alley. The next build-
ing is over 40 feet away, but
Trinitys face is perfectly
calm, staring at some point
beyond the other roof.
The cops slow, realizing they
are about to see something
ugly as Trinity drives at the
edge, launching herself into
the air.
From above, the ground seems to
flow beneath her as she hangs
in flight.
Then hitting, somersaulting up,
" ] l [ ` n #
still running hard.
Again, notice how the shots are obvious
from the way the scene is framed for us,
going from a wide angle down into the alley,
to another wide shot up on the far roof, to
a close-up on Trinitys face and so on. The
description also directs the pacing of the
shots, the energy of the chase, the moment
of suspended hang-time and the resump-
tion of the chase.
Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamonds
description in The Apartment is going after
a different kind of disjointed situation, the
loneliness of the company man. Ive cut the
dialogue to focus on the description:
THE INSURANCE BUILDING - A WET,
FALL DAY
Its a big mother, covering a
square block in lower Manhattan,
all glass and aluminum, jutting
into the leaden sky.
INT. NINETEENTH FLOOR
Acres of gray, steel desks,
gray steel filing cabinets and
steel-gray faces under indi-
rect light. One wall is lined
with glass-enclosed cubicles
for the supervisory personnel.
It is all very neat, antisep-
tic, impersonal. The only human
touch is supplied by a bank
of IBM machines, clacking away
cheerfully in the background.
Instead of conveying a sense of menace
hidden under the surface of our reality, the
paradoxes in this description are designed to
present a bleakly comedic world where an
insurance building becomes a big mother
(pun intended) like some kind of perverse
queen of a termite mound within which
gray, drone-like workers scurry about like
little robots. The only things that seem alive
are the machines. As with Charlie Chaplins
Modern Times, here we havent been enslaved
by the mechanistic system so much as weve
simply surrendered to it in all its absurdity.
IMPLICATION, COMPARISON
AND TONE
What we see, by the way, can be sug-
gested by implication as well as by lit-
eral imagerythat is, by giving the reader
a description that relies on shared experi-
ence. Lawrence Kasdan is famous for his
introduction of Mickey Rourkes character
in Body Heat as a rock n roll arsonist.
We know what he looks like, because we all
have visual associations with rock n roll to
scr(i)pt 29
"]l[`n#
paint the picture for us.
We all bring associations to different kinds
of genre, as well, which help the writer give
the right tone to the description. Were
introduced to Russell Crowes character
in L.A. Confidential (screenplay by Brian
Helgeland) in a similar way:
Wendell BUD WHITE, 30, stares
at the enormous Christmas tree on
the deco platform over Bullocks
entrance. An LAPD cop, Buds rep
as the toughest man on the force
has been well-earned.
All were given is his age, but we surely
have a mental picture of this guy. Later, our
image is reinforced through an apt simile:
The Girl on a stretcher. Being
carried to an AMBULANCE. Bud
White walks alongside, look-
ing like some ferocious pet
pit bull.
Without ever being given a direct
description, we, nonetheless, have no doubt
as to the impression Bud makes. A big part
of what conveys this is the language, the
style, recalling the hard-boiled detective fic-
tion of Raymond Chandler and, of course,
James Ellroy.
Steve Kloves language in his adaptation of
Michael Chabons The Wonder Boys is appro-
priately literary, but again without sacrificing
visual storytelling. Heres the scene where the
writing professor, Grady (played by Michael
Douglas), recovers from a night of partying
and discovers that his oddball student James
Leer has stolen a valuable item from the
university chancellor:
The room is dim but the TV is
on, throwing crazy slashes of
light onto the walls and ceil-
ing. As GRADY limps by, he
finds a sleeping Hannah Green,
bundled in a blanket, T-shirt
and little else. On the floor,
near her dangling hand, Woolfs
A Common Reader lays open
next to a Diet Coke. GRADY con-
siders the smooth geography of
her body, but his eyes are most
powerfully drawn to ... her
feet. He steps forward, lifts
the blanket gently, but finds -
- to his disappointment -- only
the red cowboy boots.
He picks up the remote, turns
off the TV and exits.
INT. GRADYS OFFICE
30 scr(i)pt
James Leer slumbers on a green
sofa, draped in an old sleep-
ing bag. GRADY drops behind
his desk, lets James knapsack
slide to the floor. He lifts
his cuff, inspects his ugly
ankle, then glimpses something
in the knapsack.
Something yellow. Something
soft.
GRADY reaches down and, slowly
-- like a magician producing
a magical scarf -- extracts
MARILYN MONROES WEDDING JACKET
from James Leers ratty, green
knapsack.
Here each new image reinforces the
nature of the storys topsy-turvy world of
strange bedfellows and characters defined
by sexual and creative foibles. The TV in
the dim room is throwing crazy slashes of
lighta reflection of both the external and
internal chaos Grady is suffering. Limping
throughout most of the film (subtext here
is obvious), Grady comes across temptation
in the form of his half-clad female student,
Hannah, and considers the smooth geog-
raphy of her body as if she were a pleas-
ant journey to be mapped out. It recalls
John Donne, who often compared his lov-
ers to landscapes (Your gown going off
such beauteous state reveals, as when from
flowery meads th hills shadow steals.),
and suggests how the camera might roam
over her. Once in his office, he turns
from the ugliness of his own condition to
another sensual discovery: Something yel-
low. Something soft.Marilyn Monroes
stolen jacketemerging magically from
his students knapsack. It is the theft of
this magic token that ultimately leads to
Gradys liberation.
But before that can happen, Grady
whos spent seven years on a still unfinished
novelhas to read his student James rap-
idly completed book:
EXT. PARKING LOT - MOTEL/COFFEE
SHOP - A BIT LATER
GRADY sits in the GREEN GLOW
of the radio dial, smoking a
joint. He glances at the knap-
sack, sees James MANUSCRIPT:
The Love Parade
He reaches in, takes the manu-
script and, in the light that
rains from the PARKING LAMP
overhead, begins to read.
Here the word-pictures describe both
the literal scene and Gradys internal state.
Isolated in his car, benighted, stoned and
glowing green (with envy?), light now
rains down on Gradya perfect metaphor
for the flood of creativity James manuscript
reveals, in contrast to his own writers block.
Beyond that, the language and images cho-
sen combine to create a particular voice
that helps us get the mood and feel of this
kind of story.
To evoke the mood and feel of a morality
play set in the Old West, with its rough-
and-ready characters, David Webb Peoples
script for Unforgiven creates a different
voice: tougher, rowdier, with a dash of fron-
tier braggadocio. But as with Kloves script
for Wonder Boys, it combines suggestive with
literal description:
Little Bill is huge and omi-
nous. Some say he acquired the
bearskin by staring the bear to
death and others say he drowned
the animal in spit. Anyhow, hes
big with a drooping moustache
and he is sucking on his church
wardens clay pipe and you know
he isnt scared of anything.
Each of these examples points out a dif-
ferent approach to a different problem, but
all are alike in using language to create
compelling visuals specific to their kind of
story. Of course, not every line can contain
poetically charged imagerynor should it,
or your script would start feeling mannered
and heavy. But what you do show to the
reader determines how he sees your writing
come to life. Good description is not only
spare but also specific and evocative. It must
summon up and make clear the pictures
you see in your own head by using your
unique voice and poetry. So, as you write
your screenplay, always remember that what
youre really doing is writing the movie you
want others to see.
ROBIN RUSSIN has had work produced in film,
television and theatre as well as co-authoring
Screenplay: Writing the Picture. He is Professor
of Screenwriting at UC Riverside.
scriptmag.com
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5.)4%$34!4%3
/&
,%,!.$
by Kate McCallum
4
his issues Great Idea
focuses on the creation,
selling and making of
the independent feature The
United States of Leland, released
by Paramount Classics and writ-
ten and directed by Matthew
Ryan Hoge.
Hoge was born and raised
in Colorado and attended the
University of Southern California.
He graduated magna cum laude from the
School of Cinema, receiving a BFA from the
Filmic Writing Program. In his senior year at
USC, Hoges script Happy won the Abraham
Polonsky Award for Most Outstanding
Screenplay. Hoge then went on to write
and direct his first feature, Self Storage, for
Zero Pictures over nine days on a budget of
$9,000. His next project, The United States
of Leland, premiered at Sundance in 2003
and was picked up by Paramount Classics.
Currently, Hoge is on assignment writing
a feature for director Curtis Hanson while
completing his own original script which he
wants to direct next.
scr(i)pt: Can you tell us about how you
came up with the idea for The United States
of Leland?
MATTHEW HOGE: The idea came from
an experience I had teaching. I had been
living in Los Angeles, was out of school
and tired of working bad jobs, so I decided
to get my teaching credential. I stumbled
into a job teaching in juvenile hall, where
it was ridiculously easy to get hired. The
32 scr(i)pt
4(%
requirements were, basically, that you dont
have tuberculosis and you do have a college
degree. I had no idea what to expect, and
no teaching experience at all. But, I thought
it would be very interesting, and I would
meet people I certainly wouldnt have met
in my usual environment. I remember the
first day at a juvenile hall in East L.A. a
site where I ended up working for about
half of the two-year period I spent teaching.
I remember getting there, it was late and I
was anxious. I was heading to the first class-
room, led there by someone official, and
I was asking, What do I teach? Where are
the lesson plans? He said, Heres what you
need to know: Count the pencils when you
hand them out and count the pencils when
you get them back. Dont turn your back,
and teach them whatever you can. Youve
got the class for three-and-a-half hours.
In the classes, kids were grouped together
based on their offenses, and my first class
was a group of KL kids. (KL indicates
a homicide charge.) There were 17 kids
charged with murder, and I had a feeling of
dread as I walked down the hall. I thought,
I have to face these monsters
and somehow occupy their time
for three-and-a-half hours with
no lesson plan. I dont know what
to do, and I have no real under-
standing of where these kids are
coming from or what their level
of education is. Then I got there
and looked around, and the faces
werent what I thought theyd be.
The longer I was around these
kids, the more my perceptions of
who and what they were shifted. I wasnt
there to witness the crime they committed.
I had no connection to the kid who cut his
girlfriend in half or the kid who stabbed
his mother 40 times. I was interacting with
that kid in a different way, on a different
basis. Those kids talked about how they
missed their families and they were looking
at 100 years, 180 years. I remember a kid
who came back from court and said, Mr.
Hoge, I just got 120 years. What does that
mean to a 16-year-old? You start to get these
connections with them, and you realize that
theyre not at all what you expected.
A lot of the kids were there because of the
tremendous fear of gangs and societys desire
to sweep them under the rug. Even the kids
who had done the absolute worst things,
had a lot of goodness in them. How can you
really define a life based upon one action?
Spending time with the class proved to me
that we had a lot more in common than I
had thought. It got me thinking about moral-
ity. How do we define whats good and bad?
I think we tend to walk a very rigid line and
say, Were over here and those people are
scriptmag.com

over there. When something like a school
shooting happens, its our instinct to get rid
of the perpetrator as quickly and efficiently
as possiblelock him up for 80 to 100 years
and then come up with a quick and easy
answer as to why it happened. Then were
done with it. We decide that the event hap-
pened because he listens to Marilyn Manson
or because he had an absent father. I felt
privileged to have an opportunity to move
past the easy answers, to interact with these
kids and try to get at who they really were.
It led me to think that the line [between
good and bad] is always shifting and sort of
blurry. Were always hopping back and forth
between one side and the other; and we really
hope that we dont wind up on the wrong
side at the wrong time.
scr(i)pt: So this experience became the zeit-
geist for the story?
MH: Yes, but I didnt take the job thinking
I would use the experience to write about
these kids. I really just wanted to get away
from the culture of L.A. and the culture of
ambition. I think theres something really
negative about that influence if youre trying
to be a writer. Youre working at a produc-
tion company or in an agents office where
people are talking about what sold and how
much it sold for. The motivation for writing
in that environment is not about the joy of
telling these stories. Taking the teaching job
resulted from just wanting to be in a place
where I was around people who had had
completely different life experiences. I felt
that, one way or another, working with the
kids was going to be a positive experience
for me. It was incredibly hard. I did it for
two years, and I couldnt do it again on an
everyday basis.
scr(i)pt: What do you think the theme of
this film is?
MH: Its odd, because I think the theme
evolved for memuch like the character in
the film with whom I identified changed
from writing to shooting to cutting. When
I was writing, the character of Pearl the
teacher was closest to my experience. Then
in shooting, Leland was the main focus of
my heart. Then in the cutting, it was Albert,
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" n b _  a l _ [ n  c ^ _ [ #
Lelands father.
I believe the overall theme is about
morality and how we want to define things
very rigidly. We want to say there is a good
and there is a bad. There is a much more
difficult, complex, dangerous and honest
thing to say, though, and that is: We all
have a mix of good and bad in us. The fact
is that this person who has done an awful,
terrible thing still has good in him; and
somewhere in me I have the capability to
commit the same act or have some of these
same dark thoughts as well. Its so much
more dangerous to say that there really is
no fixed line between good and bad. But, I
think its a more honest approach.
Another aspect of this theme relates spe-
cifically to the character of Pearl. When you
are in an environment [like juvenile hall] and
making choices and doing things that youre
not sure you should be doing, you hold your
decisions up to others. You rationalize and
say, Im okay with the choices and mistakes I
am making in my life because I didnt molest
a child or kill my girlfriend, so Im still on
the side of good. I think [defining ones
own morality is] something that Pearl goes
through in getting to the point: Just because
I havent gone to that extreme doesnt mean I
cant question my own moral choices.
scr(i)pt: Leland was from a somewhat priv-
ileged family. Did you ever encounter anyone
like that?
MH: There was never anyone like Leland.
Occasionally, you would see someone who
was from a more upper middle-class back-
ground, but, by and large, the kids I was
interacting with were from the gang world
and were incarcerated with charges, in many
cases, not justified. If you and I are in a
gang Im driving a car and youre asleep,
passed out in the back seat and I kill
someoneyou can get charged with first-
degree murder. There were a lot of cases
like that because of the strict anti-gang laws,
which flagrantly violate constitutional rights.
Leland was drawn from that experience and
from other thingsfrom books, thoughts
I was having about the world and stuff Id
been carrying around for a while.
ALL PHOTOS: Lorey Sebastian
PAGE 32 (Foreground): Writer-director Matthew
Ryan Hoge on the set of The United States
of Leland ABOVE: Ryan Gosling and Jena
Malone star in The United States of Leland
scr(i)pt: I felt that Leland was almost
angelic, hyper-sensitive, prophetic. He must
have been a very interesting character for you
to develop.
MH: Yes, and so much of that development
was what Ryan Gosling brought to the role.
Leland was a character who meant a lot to
me, so I was very protective of him. I was
so very fortunate to meet an actor who felt
the same way, connected the same way and
had very strong emotion for the character.
We both wanted to make sure people didnt
misinterpret Leland.
scr(i)pt: When did you start writing the
screenplay?
MH: About a half a year after I started
teaching, two or three years after I had been
out of school. The script took me about six
months to write. There was about a year
when I was still teaching, finishing the script
up while I was getting it out to people. From
there I was trying to find an agent.
scr(i)pt: Was writing what you wanted
to do first, or did you always want to write
and direct?
MH: I studied writing. I was in the writing
program, but I always knew I wanted to
write and direct. Right after school I tried
to make a feature. I made about 20 min-
utes of it; but I ran out of money, and Im
scr(i)pt 33
" n b _  a l _ [ n  c ^ _ [ #
still paying it off on my credit card. It was
a really valuable lessonas a writer and a
directorjust getting out there and making
mistakes. It was the first time I was able to
take my words and see what happened with
them. Shortly before I got into teaching,
I made a $9,000 feature that I wrote and
directed. I sort of stumbled into the oppor-
tunity to make the film. It was so beneficial,
so I knew that I wanted to write and direct
another. When I was writing Leland, I was
thinking, I am not going to let anybody
else direct it. But, I didnt know if I would
ever have the opportunity or if anyone
would care at all about this story. I didnt
have any friends in the business.
scr(i)pt: But you did have that other film
under your belt?
MH: Yes. Surprisingly, it didnt really help
much as far as selling me. It did help
me feel more confident when sitting down
across from Kevin Spacey or Don Cheadle
and saying, Look, I know what Im doing.
I had storyboarded the whole film and had
a 400-page document of all the drawings.
scr(i)pt: You had storyboarded the script
yourself?
MH: Yes, because I had that time between
finishing the script and trying to get it out
there. I was really feeling like I didnt know
if anyone was going to let me do this, so I
wanted to be incredibly prepared. It was so
helpful drawing on the prior experience I
had and knowing the value of coming up
with very concrete ideas so that when I sat
with actors and financiers, I was prepared.
Everybody wants to be reassuredespe-
cially by a first-time director. You dont
stammer when somebody says, Whats this
scene going to look like? or How are you
going to handle the flashbacks? Instead,
you respond with clear ideas, taking him
through point by point. I dont know if I
couldve been so reassuring without going
in with that level of preparation.
scr(i)pt: Were you taught to storyboard?
MH: No, mine were terrible drawings.
Bizarre stick men. I used them with the
director of photography, and they became
our bible. The drawings didnt have to be
good. They articulated the concept well
enough to be functional.
scr(i)pt: You had this completed script, your
storyboard book but you didnt have an agent.
34 scr(i)pt
What did you do?
MH: Despaired a lot [laughs].
scr(i)pt: And you were determined to direct
the project. Then what happened?
MH: From there the process was about try-
ing to take every opportunity I could to get
the project to someone. How I wound up
with the agent I have now was very convo-
luted. One person had responded to my writ-
ing out of film school: Harry Gittes who did
About Schmidt. He and his assistant Ed Wang
were always very encouraging. Through those
guys the script wound up with the per-
son who would become my manager, Matt
Luber. Matt was the first person to read it
and say, I believe in you. Lets do this. I
remember the first meeting I had with him.
I said, Look, Im directing it. I understand
if that scares you, but if it does, I cant work
with you. I was really delighted when he
said, Yeah, well find a way to do it.
From there, the script got to Caren
Bohrman, who remains my agent. There
were a lot of people along the way who read
the script and said, I dont get it. A lot
of those people were telling me a year later
how great I am.
From there, progress was really about
Caren and Matt getting the script. It took
about a half a year before I found Matt,
then about another half a year before Caren
came onboard. At that point the script went
out, and there was a five- or six-month wait.
The script got a really good response when
it first went out, but then, of course, people
were saying, Its great but were not going
to make it. Everyone was scared of it and
the fact that I was really adamant about
directing it.
scr(i)pt: Who did Caren and Matt go out to?
Big studios? Smaller production companies?
MH: Producers. They were trying to get
producers excited about taking the script
into the studios. Ultimately, it went out to
all the big studios, and the response was
really good. It led to some writing jobs for
me. But, no one really wanted to commit to
making Leland. We never gave up, knowing
that success really just takes that one advo-
cate. That advocate became Kevin Spacey.
Im still not totally sure how the script ever
got to him, and it got to him after the first
wave when people were passing it around ...
scr(i)pt: At TriggerStreet?
MH: Yes, he and his partner Bernie Morris.
Bernie read the script first and gave it to
Kevin who really responded to it. I came in,
and thats where I think the preparation paid
off in a big way for the first time. When I
sat down with Bernie, he asked me all the
questions. So, you want to direct ithow
are you going to handle the flashbacks? Tell
me more about this character. I had writ-
ten character biographies, which also later
helped the actors and actresses when they
asked, Why am I doing this?
scr(i)pt: You had all the backstories down?
MH: The relevant thing is to know why the
character is doing this instead of that. A lot
of times things like whered he go to school
dont play into it; sometimes it does. I try to
know everything that will be involved in a
moment of decision for a character. Bernie
peppered me with questions, and he felt
confident that I knew what I was doing. I
think I even showed him my stick-figure
drawings so he was impressed. I then sat
down with Kevin a couple weeks later, and it
was the same thing. We had a long conver-
sation: What are you doing with this film?
What does it mean to you? Who are the
actors you want to pursue for this project?
At the end of that meeting he said, Look, I
really believe that you can do this. Im taking
a leap of faith on you because people have
taken a leap of faith on me before. Ive expe-
rienced it in my professional life, and more
often than not its worked out really well.
From here on out, TriggerStreet is making
this film; youre directing itand, if people
dont like it, they can f**k off. It was just
so great to hear that. That was really when
my career as a professional director started
because you need that passionate advocate.
He never wavered from that approach that
I was directing it. Kevin was also very sup-
portive of my choices, on every level. The
fact that I wanted to cast a black man in the
lead was problematic for people, which is so
shocking and awful, particularly when youre
talking about Don Cheadle, one of the best
actors in America.
scr(i)pt: Really? That came up?
MH: That came up a few timeswhy
cant he be white? People would also ask
Matt, are you sure you dont want to step
aside and let someone else come in? People
would question my approach to the film.
scr(i)pt: Who, exactly?
MH: The wild world of the independent
scriptmag.com

financiers. It was nice to feel, when those
questions came up, I had support. For
example, the handling of the film was very
understated and very subtle. I didnt want to
do anything that would differentiate flash-
backs from the reality of the chronological
march of the film. I felt like there were
enough visual cues, and I wanted to make
the audience work a little bit. My decision
was questioned an awful lot: I assume
youre shooting some other film stock, or
that youre going to shoot black and white
for the flashbacks. It was nice to be able
to say, No, I want to do it this way, and
heres why and to know that I had someone
standing behind me who was behind all
those decisions I was making. Spacey held
up to that promise of taking a leap of faith
and not looking back.
scr(i)pt: Would you go to these meetings
with the financiers? With Kevin? Bernie?
MH: It varied. We spent about a year put-
ting together our cast before going out to
companies. Our thinking was: The more
solid the package, the easier it was going to
be once we got to the point of taking it to
financiers.
scr(i)pt: Had you been paid anything by
this point?
MH: No. For a while I was working as a
teacher and then writing jobs were paying
the bills.
scr(i)pt: Who finally put up the money?
MH: The first party was Thousand Words
Jonah Smith and Palmer West. Young guys
who were developing a track record for co-
financing really risky films (Requiem for a
Dream and Waking Life). They had two
films under their beltbold films. We sat
down with them after they had read the
script. They were interested in the actors we
had pieced together for it. Again, there were
a lot of questions. The meeting consisted of
two hours worth of questions like, Where
is this character coming from? They wanted
to make sure I knew what I was doing
and that we were all on the same page and
wanted to make the same film. I was amazed
at how differently people could see the film.
Often, people saw it as bleak and dark, and
I was always speaking of it in terms of hope.
I always wanted to do something that was
figuratively and literally light in the treat-
ment. When we sat down with Jonah and
Palmer, they sparked to those ideas and to
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
that approach. We were trying to find the
goodness in these people. The film wasnt
going to be about wallowing in how life is
awful. You just need to open your front door
to see how life is awful.
Finally, Thousand Words came onboard
and put up a portion of the financing, and
from there we got the bulk of the financing
through MDP Worldwide, which is a for-
eign sales company run by Mark Damon.
Mark really responded to the script on an
emotional level. He asked all the questions;
I gave him all the answers and that was it.
As soon as Mark signed on, we had the full
budget; and we pushed forward as quickly
as we could.
scr(i)pt: Did much change from the initial
script?
MH: Right before we started to send the
script out, I did a little work on it. After
that, there was no rewriting at all. There
was no rewriting with Kevins company
or Thousand Words. When we started
shooting, there were little things we had
to change for productionlike we couldnt
get a locationthen small changes when I
rehearsed with the actors. Rehearsing was so
helpful because I would realize that a line
was not going to work (and discovered that
in the safety of rehearsal space as opposed to
being in front of the camera while time is
ticking). Again, I wanted to be visually pre-
pared, and I wanted to have it be the same
for the actors, to be at a point where we all
felt that the scene was working.
scr(i)pt: So, you finished the film and then
what happened?
MH: We made the decision that we didnt
want to go into distributors. We now had a
film with a bankable cast; we felt the more
we controlled it, the better. We were in a
situation where we had two financiers who
really connected with the project and were
going to let me make the film I wanted to
make without a bunch of interference. We
decided to hold off and not let anyone see
it until Sundance. We kept it under wraps,
and the response was really good. A day
later it sold to Paramount Classics.
scr(i)pt: Some say that to direct your work
as a writer is the surest way to protect your
vision. Do you believe your vision as the writer
ultimately ended up on the screen the way you
had hoped?
MH: Yes, I do. [Being a writer-director is]
" n b _  a l _ [ n  c ^ _ [ #
The film wasnt going to be
about wallowing in how life is
awful. You just need to open
your front door to see
how life is awful.
hard because you have to accept that things
will change during the process. I remember
the first time that Ryan came in to read for
the part of Leland. I had been very resistant
to his even coming in because I had seen
The Believer, which is great, but he was just
totally different. He read [for the role] and
was good, but it wasnt what I had heard in
my head. Then he came back again because
I thought he was good and read once more.
Again, he was great, but it still wasnt what I
had heard. By the third time he came back, I
was reading the script and I heard his voice.
Casting sort of evolves in that way. The part
wouldnt have become like a real person had
Ryan not infused it with what he brought to
the role. The same with the setting of juve-
nile hall. I wanted it to look a lot like the
place where I taught. So I took everybody
there, the D.P., the costume designer, Ryan.
We were trying to recreate the reality we saw
there. The set was not quite the way the real
thing is, so we started to make changes, and
they seemed to fit the film. Achieving the
desired effect is an organic process; and you
begin to feel like, Yes, this is exactly what I
intended, when the truth is it had evolved
from something else. In the cutting process
there were definitely changes from the script
to the film, but now it feels like thats what I
intended all along.
I was really lucky to be in a situation
where it wasnt the case of someone telling
me to go this way and I was fighting to go
another way. Kevin really trusted me and
wanted me to be the guy who was running
the show. There was no one second-guessing
me; that allowed the film to move organical-
ly. People brought things to it and changed
the course of it, but it was less of a fight and
more of a river flowing.
KATE MCCALLUM is a Los Angeles-based pro-
ducer-writer-consultant under her newly created
company BRIDGE ARTS MEDIA. She is gradu-
ating with an M.A. in Consciousness Studies
from the University of Philosophical Research
in April and is currently working in develop-
ment with writer-producer Michael Chernuchin
at Universal Studios. Kate can be reached at
Lifeonthedrawingboard.com
scr(i)pt 35
"@lig M]lcjn ni M]l__h
l #
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF
THE SPOTLESS MIND
An Interview with Charlie Kaufman
B Y D AV I D S . C O H E N
ry to name Hollywoods notable science-fic-
T tion writers: David Peoples, certainly. Andrew
Niccol. James Cameron. Ronald Shusett, Dan
OBannon, for sure. Roland Emmerich and Dean
Devlin. Maybe Joss Whedon. George Lucas and Steven
Spielberg, I guess. But Charlie Kaufman probably
doesnt jump to the top of the list.
Of course, Being John Malkovich doesnt often get
lumped with Blade Runner, Alien or The Terminator in
the sci-fi pantheon. Yet Kaufman likes to play with ele-
ments of the fantastic as much as any sci-fi writer, and
in his next film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, he
works from a premise that is quite familiar to sci-fi fans:
protagonists who have had their memories erased.
Its familiar sci-fi territory, explored in such Philip
K. Dick-inspired films as Total Recall and Paycheck,
and even in an episode of Star Trek: Voyager. But when
we ask Kaufman whether he thought of the story
36 scr(i)pt
as science fiction, he seems to tense up as if hes been
anticipating the questionand dreading it.
You know, [I think both] Malkovich and this have
supernatural kinds of elements to [them] ... I try not
to think of that, Kaufman told scr(i)pt. Im interested
in downplaying that aspect as much as possible. You
just kind of present it and then get on with it, you
know. So, no, I dont think of it as science fiction, but
I recognize that theres fantasy in it. I just want to try
to make that as real as I can so that its not an issue for
the audience.
If downplaying the sci-fi was his goal, Kaufman has
basically succeeded. Eternal Sunshine has none of the big-
ger-than-life trappings of Hollywood sci-fi. The memory-
erasing machine has no overstuffed dentist chair with
ominous restraints, and theres no menacing apparatus
attached to the subjects head. Kaufmans sci-fi/fantasy
element seems as pedestrian as a Dell laptop.
scriptmag.com
 " m ] l c j n  n i  m ] l _ _ h #
Theres no dark conspiracy erasing memories; the characters have
freely chosen to have their memories of their bad love affairs erased.
The fate of Earth (or another planet) doesnt hang in the balance.
The movies concerns are at a more human scale: What makes a
love affair good or bad? Would we be better off without our pain-
ful memories, or do we need them to learn? And, in the end, what
makes us fall in love, anyway?
Like the very best science-fiction and fantasy writing, Eternal
Sunshine uses its fantasy elements to conjure a situation that illuminates

PHOTOS: David Lee

something important about the human condition. So, the question
isnt whether Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is science fiction,
its why more science fiction isnt this ambitious.
Maybe the answer is that most sci-fi films are trying to be tentpoles,
so theyre developed to death. Kaufman, on the other hand, gets to
write pretty much what he wants. He may not generate half-bil-
lion-dollar grosses or record-breaking opening weekends, but hes
writing movies that people will be watching and talking about for
a long, long time.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, scheduled for release March 19
from Focus Features, stars Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet as seemingly
mismatched lovers who opt to erase each other, with unexpected results.
Tom Wilkinson, Mark Ruffalo, Kirsten Dunst and Elijah Wood play
the staff of Lacuna, the memory-erasing company. Kaufman wrote the
screenplay and shares story credit with Michel Gondry, who directed
the film, and Pierre Bismuth.
scr(i)pt was able to see a work print of the film, which was still being
edited at press time, but it is already clear that like Kaufmans earlier
films, Being John Malkovich, Adaptation and Confessions of a Dangerous
Mindits a challenging film, but a rewarding one.
The story is told out of sequence, jumping around in time, and
there are large parts of the film that take place entirely in the mind of
its protagonist Joel Barish (Carrey) as his memories are being erased.
Joel discovers in the midst of the procedure that, despite his painful
breakup with his lover Clementine (Winslet), he really doesnt want
to lose his memories of her. But hes immobilized and cant tell the
technicians to stop. So a desperate chase ensues within Joels mind
as he tries to hide his memories of Clementine in remote corners of
his own memories while the technicians struggle to obliterate every
trace of her in his mindjust as Joel hired them to do.
Kaufman and Gondry have been working on the idea for a long
time. The first germ of the idea came in 1998 when Bismuth, a
conceptual artist, thought of the idea of receiving a card in the mail
telling you youve been erased from someones memory. Michel
thought that was an interesting thing, sort of a starting point for a
movie, says Kaufman, so we talked about it; and we developed
the idea of [the films] being a relationship movie, and then that the
story is taking place in this guys mind and he is trying to stop the
erasing at a certain point.
They came up with a short pitch, even though they didnt think it was
a very marketable idea; but Kaufmans long-time agent, United Talent
Agencys Marty Bowen, recognized right away that this was a story that
would excite the buyers. (He) thought it was a very marketable idea,
and he turned out to be right. We pitched it around town, and there
PAGE 36: Joel (Jim Carrey) and Clemetine (Kate Winslet) star in
was a bit of a bidding war on it, recalls Kaufman. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ABOVE: (top) Stan (Mark
Then I got stuck having to write it, which was a lot harder. Its very Ruffalo) and Patrick (Elijah Wood) struggle to erase Joels memory
easy to tell the initial story in a five-minute kind of sound bite, but (middle) Kirsten Dunst as Mary and Tom Wilkinson as Dr. Mierzwiak
the practical problems of memory erasing, having this person in their (bottom) Joels jumbled memory of former lover Clementine
memory as its being erased and having the story being told from the

( 2004) MARCH/APRIL scr(i)pt 37

"m]lcjnnim]l__h#

Charlie Kaufman discusses

why he doesnt comment
on the meaning of his lms:
scr(i)pt: Here in L.A. at this time
of year, were bombarded by these
commercials with clips from junket
interviews, telling us what the award
nominees are about. The more I see
them, the less I want to ask what the
lm is about because I think the lm
speaks for itself.
CHARLIE KAUFMAN: Ive nev-
er and I will never talk about what
anything I write is about. Ive never
done it at any interview, and I wont
do it because I agree with you. The
lm is what the lm is; and, also, as
Joel (Jim Carrey) realizes too late that he doesnt want to erase the memories of former lover
I said earlier, what is most exciting
Clementine (Kate Winslet) in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, written by Charlie Kaufman
to me is that people have different
(story and screenplay), Michel Gondry (story) and Pierre Bismuth (story)
ideas about what the lm is about.
Ive consciously designed it so that,
hopefully, that would be the effect it end of the relationship to the beginningall to comment on the memory, like someone
would have ... that people will come that became very complicated. who is having a lucid dream.
out and then have conversation. Its He didnt spend all of the next five years The second problem, which was par-
about this, or I got this from it or it on the project, of course. He was pitching ticularly tough for Kaufman, was: If Joel is
touched me in this way. If I as the Eternal Sunshine at the same time he was up having his memories erased, then, as each
writer say this movie is about this,
then thats the end of the discussion;
for the job of adapting The Orchid Thief. As memory disappears, he should be unable to
and I think thats a disservice. Thats luck would have it, he got both jobs and was refer to it in the ensuing scenes. How can he
not why I write stuff, you know. I committed to writing The Orchid Thief first. still remember what happened previously
dont think thats good. So I have no That proved no easy task, as he documented if its been erased? They decided that Joels
interest in making any kind of state- in the screenplay that eventually emerged from memories would be degradedillustrated
ments like that.
the assignment: Adaptation. through surreal visual effectsbut that they
Gondry and Kaufman also collaborated on wouldnt vanish altogether until Joel awakens
scr(i)pt: Ive heard that somebody
asked Samuel Beckett once what the feature Human Nature, and Kaufman also after the procedure.
Waiting for Godot is about, and he took a few months out to write Confessions Even with those problems solved, Eternal
said, I dont know. of a Dangerous Mind; but Eternal Sunshine Sunshine is not a simple film. It rewards close
CK: Ah, ha. Well, Im a big fan of was always simmering, even if it was on the attention. This is a film for moviegoers who
Beckett. back burner. enjoy figuring out the puzzle as they go.
Having to pick up Eternal Sunshine after Kaufman says he always tries to write that way
scr(i)pt: But does that mean it has The Orchid Thief -Adaptation made Kaufmans because thats the kind of film he likes to see.
no meaning? Of course not.
writing life difficult. There were a lot of But hes also thinking about a bigger issue.
CK: You know, it may have been
distractions, and I had an enormous struggle Theres a hurdle that is difficult for a movie
sort of a cute answer, or who knows?
But I think the point is that you write with the script. I remember being stymied a to overcome. Its set in stone, you know. Its
something so that people have their lot, which came right after being stymied a done when you see it. Its not live. Its not
own experience. Thats why you lot on Adaptation, so it was kind of a lot of changing. Its just there. What I find interest-
write things. I am not a politician, stymieing going on. ing is trying to create a script that makes you
you know. I am not trying to get Kaufman remembers writing the script as a need to go back and look at it again; and that
people to think a certain way or get
people to ... That goes back to what
great deal of dogged work. He encountered the second time you look at it, youll see things
we were talking about before, about two major logic problems as he tried to work that you didnt see, that you couldnt have
sort of what Hollywood movies do. out the story. One was: I wanted (to show) the seen the first time because you didnt have the
You know, they tell people, Its im- memories, and Joels reaction to the memories information that you have by the end of the
portant to be nice to people, or and Joels interaction with Clementine outside first viewing. So, the second viewing becomes
Love is a wonderful thing and that
of the memories in the memories. How do you the viewing of a different movie, even though
War is bad or whatever the hell it is
that people want to say. Thats not do that? How do you actually have someone its exactly the same movie.
interesting to me. You can say that in and out of their memories at the same time? I think this movie is kind of like that
in one sentence. It was very complicated. Eventually, he and because there are things you dont know
Gondry decided that Joel would experience his until the endor later in the movie.
memories, know hes in a memory and be able Indeed, because we first encounter Joel and

38 scr(i)pt scriptmag.com
 " m ] l c j n  n i  m ] l _ _ h #
Clementine after theyve had their memories and coming at the end of the movie as she did, Kaufman, a onetime actor and playwright,
erased, there are many moments in their early at that point it was, like, too little too late. had originally conceived the memory-eras-
scenes that only take on full meaning after I really like the story element of having ing scenes so that Clementine, who is being
we see what came before. her there so we understand a little bit about erased, would begin to behave like an automa-
For Kaufman, though, its important that where Joel came from, who he was with and ton or a husk of reality. Its an unusually
the memory erasurehe calls it a gim- how she contrasted with Clementine. Also, the theatrical device in that it puts the burden
micknot overshadow the relationship fact that he had to make a decision that was on the actor to create a special effect strictly
aspect of the story. Theres no doubt that Joel monumental, which is not clear now because with performance.
and Clementine arent a perfect couple and theres an allusion to her but you dont see her. In the film, though, the scenes are played
theyve had a stormy relationshipbut is The idea was that he actually left his long-term straight, and the degradation of memories is
that a bad relationship? Theyve had a painful relationship, which was a very risky thing for established visually as the settings disintegrate
breakup. Are they really better off without that him to do. around them with elements from one set often
pain? Those are left as open questions.
Its a very different picture of love from
what we usually see in movies. Films tend to
like romance: pretty couples meeting cute
and overcoming a few hurdles (big ones in
dramas, smaller ones in comedies) to get
together, usually to live happily ever after. In
real life, though, love and happiness dont
always go hand in hand; the fact that two
people are in love doesnt mean they wont
grate on each other, or even make each
other downright miserable. To some degree,
Eternal Sunshine is a rebuttal of Hollywood
love stories, even its sci-fi predecessors that
covered some of the same ground.
You dont see movies that show a lot of the
stress of the relationship, says Kaufman. I
am always sort of trying to fight that kind of
thing in my work because I feel that theres a
fantasy world thats presented to people when
they go to the movies. Speaking for myself, Ive
been very frustrated trying to find in my life
what I see in movies, in terms of relationships
or anything. Life is not like that, and so I sort
of set out in my screenplays to try and write
something that seems real to me, or true. I
guess this is whats true to me.
Kaufman did not have to take studio notes
during the early stages of writing. Propaganda
Films, which had bought the pitch, was bought
by USA, which in turn became part of Focus,
so the property changed hands several times.
Only at the end did he have to deal with
studio input.
There were changes along the way, though,
inevitably. When we spoke to him, Kaufman
and Gondry were still working out whether
to use a voiceover narration by Joel, and, if so,
how much. Kaufman wrote scenes showing
Joel with his previous girlfriend, Naomi, who
Joel left to be with Clementine. Her scenes
were filmed but didnt make it into the film.
I was against cutting her out, and I fought
for her and she was cut out completely. Then
part of it was brought back, and then the deci-
sion was made that there wasnt enough of her;

( 2004) MARCH/APRIL scr(i)pt 39

"m]lcjnnim]l__h#
CLOCKWISE: Kate Winslet, Charlie Kaufman
and Michel Gondry
intruding into another. I think that Michels
concern was that there is a lot of emotional stuff
happening in these scenes at those moments
and that making them robotic would be taking
away some of the experience of the emotion. He
may have been correct about that.
There are some harrowing scenes of the
Lacuna staff treating Joel pretty much as a
piece of meat during the time hes unconscious.
We know hes in a desperate fight to hold onto
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st
1 Place
Jon Cellini
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40 scr(i)pt
his most important memories, but at the same
time, the technicians party, get high and use
his bedwith him in itas a trampoline.
Gondry made those moments bigger and
broader than Kaufman had written them, and
Kaufman worries theyve become too comic. I
wanted it to be insidious, he says.
Theres even a little bit of identity-snatching
la Being John Malkovich, when one of the
Lacuna technicians (Wood) uses Joels journals
and words to seduce Clementine.
I liked it as a nice sort of counterpoint to Joel
and Clementines relationship to see this other
person doing it, and the question of whether or
not Clementine would feel the inauthenticity
of this other version interested me. And I liked
the character. I like characters who do kind of
crappy things like that and betray people. I
tend to put them in my scripts. I dont know
why, except that it interests me and its kind
of a nice little sort of twist to play with; and I
like twists and curves and stuff.
All in all, the script and the film of Eternal
Sunshine of the Spotless Mind bear Kaufmans
stamp. The script moves confidently from
past to present, from Joels mind to the real
world, from memory to reality, all the while
trusting the audience to figure out whats going
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on. It did make the studio a bit nervous, says
Kaufman, but they stuck to their concept.
We liked the mystery of it, and we thought
that was effective and exciting. I think they
were nervous about it but I feel like maybe
Im in a sort of fortunate situation. Im kind
of allowed to do the things I want to do, for
the most part, when making these things so
far. Im not sure why, but it seems to be that
way right now.
Im essentially writing for myself because
thats the audience that I know and thats the
audience that I am kind of interested in. Im
assuming or hoping that there are other people
who have similar feelings or problems to mine
and that they would enjoy seeing something
that I would enjoy seeing.
DAVID S. COHEN is a freelance writer, pho-
tographer and documentary filmmaker whose
byline has appeared in periodicals around the
world, including Premiere and Discover maga-
zines. He is a frequent contributor to Variety
and is co-producer of the award-winning
documentary Silver Dreamer.
Dont Miss Our Next
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 #HARACTERSIN!CTION
!LAMO
In 1991, I wrote a spec screenplay that
ultimately became the Sylvester Stallone
movie Daylight. Up until the day that
I sat down to write that script, I had
written exactly one action scenea truly
mediocre car chase that I recycled sev-
eral times in several thankfully unpro-
duced scripts. The movie Id written just
before Daylight was Twenty Bucks: a small,
multi-character piece, the budget of which
would have covered about 20 seconds of
any of the action set-pieces in Daylight.
Like most writers, I had a certain disdain
for the action sequence. It didnt seem like
writing; it seemed like diagramming. You
were the guy who came into the Arthur
Murray dance studio and painted the
footprints on the floor. Honorable work,
but you werent Agnes DeMille. Some of
my favorite movies are loaded with killer
action, but I tended to give that more to
the director. Whats the longest sentence
in a screenplay? a writer with a couple of
42 scr(i)pt
THE WRITING OF
THE
dozen Westerns to his credit once asked
me. The answer: All hell breaks loose.
So I got this idea for Daylight. Hundreds
of people trapped in the Holland tunnel,
and I thought, Oh, shit, Im gonna have
to write some action. I started to talk to
my friends who wrote action; I read other
scripts, and the following is what I learned.
THE RULES OF THE GAME
First of all, you do have to diagram,
to choreograph. You have to write with
extreme clarity. You are trying to give peo-
ple a vivid picture of some very big events.
Since these events will cost millions of dol-
lars to create, the people reading your script
are generally anxious to know just where
their money will be going. Action is hard
to picture. You are making up for stunts,
effects, sound, screaming women, broken
glass. Then, the big one. Truism though it
is, your action will only work if your audi-
ence is invested in the characters involved
PHOTO: Deana Newcomb
in that action. I was watching The French
Connection last week and, while the car
chase was still pretty damn cool (extremely
damn cool to tell you the truth), what
really whacked me in the head was how
complicated and f****d up Popeye Doyle
was. Its not just how fast the car is going;
its who is driving the damn thing that
makes an action scene memorable.
Then theres this really hard corollary to
all of that, which is that the action must be
a part of your story. When the chase is over,
things had better be different than they were
before; or youve just wasted time.
For five years after I sold Daylight, I
wrote nothing but actionerupting volca-
noes, desperate men and women hunting
for diamonds, some of the most colorful
characters in our history caught in argu-
ably the most famous siege of all time. I
found that I loved writing action. I love
the pure invention of it. As Ive often said
to a distraught producer, The paper costs
scriptmag.com

me the same amount, no matter what I
put on it.
THE ALAMO
I began work on The Alamo about six
years ago. (The movie as youll see it is
my own work and that of two other writ-
ersStephen Gaghan and the films direc-
tor, John Lee Hancock, both of whom did
wonderful work. What Im talking about
here is my own contribution to the movie
and how I did my work.) I knew that I
would essentially be writing a character
study for two acts, and a third act that was
virtually all battle. I had faced a similar
situation on a movie I wrote called Dantes
Peak. My first draft was convoluted, plotted
and full of obsessive characters. There were
two problems: Nothing happened until the
volcano erupted; and, once it did erupt, it
annihilated everything in its path, including
all my unresolved plot threads.
This time, I had a few things going for
me. The movie is called The Alamo. People
know there is a battle coming. (Of course,
people didnt go to see Dantes Peak because
they thought the volcano wouldnt erupt.) I
started my script at the end of the battle. You
see Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie and William
Travis among the dead. I imagined that these
would be the familiar faces of movie stars.
This seemed like an opening that would
remind the audience that there was a battle
coming and keep them watching.
Then I had the characters. These guys
were way better than anything I could have
come up with. They were real, and they
were big. The changes in the characters
(I have taken an oath never to use the
word arc in talking about a character.) of
Travis and Crockett, in particular, are made
manifest in the siege and the battle. In other
words, the action is so much a part of build-
ing their characters that character dictates
what action you show.
About halfway through the siege, for
example, Crockett and some of the others
leave the Alamo walls for a raid on some
small jacales behind which some of Santa
Annas soldiers are positioned. To my mind,
Crockett was a man forced by circumstances
into becoming this legend that he traded
on and resented, both because he suspected
that people liked Davy a lot better than they
would like him and because he was afraid
that he could never do the things that Davy
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" ` _ [ n o l _ #
PHOTO: Deana Newcomb
Page 42 (LEFT to RIGHT): Thomas Joel Davidson, Billy Bob Thornton, Patrick Wilson and Kevin Page
star in The Alamo, written by Les Bohem and Stephen Gaghan and John Lee Hancock ABOVE: Jordi
Molla and Dennis Quaid BELOW: Dennis Quaid All Photos Touchstone Pictures, All Rights Reserved.
was supposed to be able to do. belly. Madame Candaleria. This
woman is a curandero, a healer.
Here, in the raid on the jacales, he sees A candle burns at the foot of
the horrors of a real battle up close. He sees the bed.
what the consequences of being Davy might There are small packets of
just be. He wavers for a moment, and Travis herbs on the floor. There
sees him waver. At the same time that I was are brightly colored wooden
dolls and other spirit toys.
showing his uncertainty, I wanted to show Gertrudis and Juana watch in
that he actually did have a heroic core. I respectful silence.
tried to do this in the way he leads the men Crockett comes in. Bowie looks
back into the walls of the Alamo after the up from his sick bed. Crockett
jacales are torched, and again in the scene acknowledges the egg cure with
with the little boy that follows it. At the
same time, I wanted to use the raid to show CROCKETT
You must be in a bad way
two things about Travis: that he was begin- ...
ning to be more of a leader than either he
or the men had suspected, and that he was
becoming more of a decent human being as
well. Travis has idolized Crockett, and this
is the first time he sees anything like feet of
clay. It was important to see him deal both
with that realization and with Crockett. The
other men had to gain some respect here for
Travis. They will, soon enough, be asked by
him to lay down their lives. Again, a tru-
ismcharacter defined by action. They had
to see something, as did we, that changed
our opinion of the man.
Heres the scene. It begins with Crockett
PHOTO: Lance Staedler
talking to Jim Bowie, a man who was never
afraid of a fight, who was perhaps a lot more
like Davy than Crockett ever was.
INT. BOWIES ROOM - DAY
An ancient hand rolls an egg
across James Bowies naked
scr(i)pt 43

" ` _ [ n o l _ #
FOREGROUND (LEFT to RIGHT): Kevin Page and Billy Bob Thornton star in The Alamo
BOWIE
Just passing time till
the fever eases.
CROCKETT
Theyve moved back into
those huts along the
river. Travis wants to go
out tonight, burn them
out of there.
BOWIE
Thats a good idea. They
get set up in there, they
can start picking us off
one at a time.
Crockett nods, distracted. He
wants to say something and hes
holding back.
BOWIE (contd)
You going with him?
A last beat. Whatever Crockett
was going to say, he doesnt
get to it. He nods.
CROCKETT
You take care.
He turns. Bowie watches him. Hes
at the door when Bowie says
BOWIE
How many battles have you
been in, David?
Crockett turns, looks at him
and, after a beat, answers
CROCKETT
One.
EXT. THE PLAZA OF THE ALAMO -
NIGHT
In front of the Chapel. Travis,
Crockett, Garrett, Cloud and
two other Bowie volunteers dip
large sticks wrapped in rags
into a fire and lift them,
44 scr(i)pt
holding up flaming torches.
From across the Plaza come the
sounds of gunfire and then the
report of one of the cannons on
the north wall.
TRAVIS
That should keep them
looking in the wrong
direction.
Crockett nods.
ON THE PRAIRIE
Campfires dot the landscape.
A wolf howls somewhere in the
night. And just barely visible
out to the north, there is some
troop movement.
TRAVIS turns to Crockett. He
looks nervous and excited.
TRAVIS
Lets go.
BY THE BREASTWORK
Two men lift away one of those
large, spiked logs.
ACROSS THE RIVER
Fires blaze. Men laugh
sing.
CROCKETT AND THE OTHERS
slip out into no mans land and
start to run for all they are
worth.
We move with them across the
breadth of land between the
Alamo wall and the jacales. A
hundred-yard run across this
dark barren with flaming torch-
es screaming their movement and
Santa Annas army just across
the river.
They run hard, their
gasping out.
Now, the Mexican soldiers see
this little island of flame
PHOTO: Van Redin
moving out from the fort.
Soldiers shout, mount their
horses, start to ride ...
Crockett and the others push
themselves even harder.
They reach the jacales. Crockett
is first. Hes ready to toss
his torch. He sees something
that stops him.
BY THE RIVER
The soldiers are on the bridge
and crossing the river.
AMONG THE JACALES
Crockett stares down at a dead
soldier. A blast has taken off
his legs above the knees. He sits
as if waiting for something. He
has a full black beard. As the
others come up behind Crockett,
the beard moves and scat-
ters into the darkness. The
soldiers lower jaw is gone.
The flies that caked the matted
gore of his face had formed the
mans beard.
Travis and Daniel Cloud are
behind Crockett. As the flies
come up, we hear Travis gasp
and Cloud say
DANIEL CLOUD
Sweet mumbling Jesus.
Behind them, Garrett shouts
GARRETT
Here they come.
They can hear the soldiers
horses on the other side of the
jacales. A thunder of death.
Crockett stares at the spectre
in front of him. A tense beat,
Travis watching Crockett, wait-
ing for him to move. Crockett
hesitates another beat, fro-
zen. None of the men have seen
this, only Travis. The soldiers
are getting closer.
TRAVIS
and Crockett ...
Crockett doesnt move.
TRAVIS (contd)
Crockett.
A last beat, then Crockett
shakes it off.
CROCKETT
Toss em and run, boys.
And he does just that. The oth-
ers do the same.
breath The torches land in the old
straw and wood of the jacales.
The dry wood walls burst into
flame. Smoke pours from the
damp thatched roofs.
scriptmag.com

The fire stops the soldiers,
their horses rearing.
Crockett and the others begin a
dodging run back for the front
gate of the Alamo. Shots kick
up the mud at their feet. Ahead
of them, behind them. Crockett
can feel Travis looking at him.
He shouts to the men, trying
to step up, to atone for his
moment of weakness.
CROCKETT (contd)
Weave around! Straight
linell kill you!
They dodge more shots as they
race across the barren.
ON THE EMPLACEMENT IN THE
SOUTHWEST CORNER
Dickerson and his cannon crew
watch Crockett and the oth-
ers. Susanna is there as well.
Dickerson calls over to the
sentries at the main gate.
SENTRY
Here they come!
OUT PAST THE GATES
Travis, Crockett and the others
are close to the gates. Mexican
Cavalry soldiers ride towards
them, firing.
The gates open. The Mexican
soldiers continue to fire.
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
UP ON THE WALL
The defenders watch, cheering
their men home.
OUT PAST THE GATES
Garrett has fallen, twisting
his ankle.
TRAVIS
sees that Garrett has fallen.
He turns and runs back through
enemy fire.
He reaches Garrett, slings the
mans arm over his shoulder,
and carries him through the
Alamo gates.
IN THE PLAZA OF THE ALAMO
Crockett and the others come
racing in. Travis and Garrett
are the last through the
gates, Travis all but carrying
Garrett. Crockett looks up to
see Bowie, propped up by Juana
and Gertrudis. Hes come out to
see how they did. Crockett has
a hard time meeting his eye.
OUT PAST THE GATES
The Mexican soldiers who have
been riding towards them rein
in, a few firing last futile
shots. Shouting insults and
threats. Behind them, the jaca-
les blaze.
IN THE PLAZA OF THE ALAMO
Susanna comes down from the
emplacement with her husband and
" ` _ [ n o l _ #
they join the crowd around Travis
and the others. Travis turns to
Crockett and the others.
TRAVIS
Well done, men.
One of volunteers who went on the
raid slaps Travis on the back.
VOLUNTEER
It was all right, werent
it, Colonel?
GARRETT
You got any more chores
need doing, you just give
us the order ... sir.
Travis enjoys the first real
success of his command. The
men gather around him, reliving
the just-completed adventure.
Garrett looks up at Crockett.
GARRETT (contd)
How about the Colonel,
Davy. He done all right
by us, wouldnt you say?
Crockett nods, then turns and
starts away. Travis watches him
go. A beat and then he starts
after him.
TRAVIS
Crockett.
scr(i)pt 45
" ` _ [ n o l _ #
He catches up to him. It takes Travis
a moment, but then he says

TRAVIS (contd)
What happened out there at
the huts ... could have hap-
pened to anyone.
Crockett nods. After a beat he says
CROCKETT
Im not supposed to be any-
one, am I?
EXT. THE PLAZA OF THE ALAMO -
NIGHT
Keeping to the shelter of the wall,
Susanna moves across the Plaza.
The bombardment continues. Blasts
at the walls and musket volleys
intended to jangle nerves.
She sees Crockett, sitting in the
dark with his back against the
wall, staring out into the Plaza.
SUSANNA
Mr. Crockett.
Crockett looks up.

SUSANNA (contd)
Are you all right?
A beat. Crockett nods. Susanna
hesitates another moment and then
continues on her way.
ON THE WEST WALL
Travis stands, looking out at the
Mexican campfires that arc in a
huge, closing circle around the
Alamo. From across the river in
town come the sounds of another
raucous evening.
SUSANNA
(O.S.)
Its a beautiful country,
isnt it? Goes on forever.
Travis turns, smiling as he sees
her.

TRAVIS
You came out here with your
husband?
SUSANNA
Dragged him kicking and
screaming all the way from
Tennessee.
(a beat)
Almeron thinks Im crazy.

TRAVIS
Why crazy?
SUSANNA
For wanting to start over. To
be someone youre not until
you do it so well that you
are that new person. Do you
know what I mean?

TRAVIS
(a beat)
I believe that I know exact-
ly what you mean.
He looks right at her and she
46 scr(i)pt scriptmag.com

doesnt look away.
DOWN BELOW
Crockett sits lost in his
thoughts. Now he hears something.
A childs WHIMPERING, coming
from the chapel. He gets up. The
bombardment starts again and he
has to run for the chapel.
IN THE CHAPEL
He finds Enrique Esparza, hud-
dled, frightened, under the stat-
ue of St. Francis. Crockett walks
over and sits down next to him.
Doesnt say a thing. The bombard-
ment intensifies around them.
Finally, the boy looks up.
CROCKETT
Noisy, aint it?
He smiles at Enrique. Poor lit-
tle kid is so scared it breaks
your heart.
CROCKETT (contd)
How old are you?
Enrique holds up eight fingers.
Crockett nods.
CROCKETT (contd)
My oldest boy, John
Wesley, I first took him
hunting for bear when he
was eight. East Tennessee,
the bear were good then.
You dont know what Im
talking about, do you?
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
Enrique shakes his head. No.
Crockett takes a beat. Something
shifts in his eyes. We catch a
rare glimpse deeper inside.
CROCKETT (contd)
Then I guess if I was
to tell you I felt more
like the bear right now
than like the hunter, it
wouldnt make you any
more scared than you
already are.
He keeps his smile on when he
says this and Enrique smiles
back. Crockett settles against
the wall and crosses his arms
around his knees. Enrique watch-
es him for a moment, then folds
his arms in the exact same man-
ner. The man and the boy sit
back to wait out the night.
As I said already, I love writing the all
hell breaks loose part. For a screenwriter
who isnt directing, it is, in fact, some of
the most cinematic writing youll ever
do. You are telling your story visually,
which is what youre always supposed to
be doing; but sometimes in the middle
of those dinner-table scenes, you tend to
forget. You get to give your imagination
full rein. You get to be a little kid playing
" ` _ [ n o l _ #
with Hot Wheels. Brrmmm CRASH
... BOOM! and you get to be a storyteller
in the same breath. This beats working for
a living by a long shot.
What I learned from writing action was
that I had been totally wrong about writing
action. You do get to be Agnes DeMille
and her uncle Cecil, too.
After a burgeoning career
in rock n roll stopped bur-
geoning, LES BOHEM got
to work writing screenplays
about rock n roll musicians
whose careers had also
stopped burgeoning. But no one makes movies
about rock n roll musicians who, etc., and so
he wrote A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 5, The
Horror Show and bits and pieces of several other
memorable epics. Eventually Twenty Bucks, a
script of his fathers that he rewrote, was made.
Following that there was Daylight, a script of
his that a lot of other people rewrote, and then
Dantes Peak. Last year, he wrote the Golden
Globe-nominated, Emmy Award-winning 20
hour mini-series Taken which he executive pro-
duced with Steven Spielberg and for which he
has also been nominated for a Writers Guild
Award. The Alamo, on which he shares written-
by credit with Stephen Gaghan and John Lee
Hancock, opens in April.
scr(i)pt 47
PLAYING
The Writing of Godsend
I
n the fall of 1999, my wife was pregnant
with our first child, and, for the first
time in my life, I found myself visiting
an Ob/Gyns office. With every appoint-
ment, I was struck by just how much tech-
nology was involved in prenatal care; the
dopplers, the sonograms, the seemingly end-
less blood testsId never thought about
how integral a role science plays in modern
procreation. Although I felt a sense of assur-
ance, even empowerment, in technologys
ability to pare down biologys uncertain-
ties, there was also something creepy (in
a Cronenberg sort of way) about all the
imposing machines and sleek gadgetry. I
dont remember precisely where I was when
the idea itself hit me, but I do recall the
idea arriving not in the form of a character,
concept or plot device, but really as one big
chunk of story.
The story was this: A married couple,
Paul and Jessie Duncan (played in the film
by Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romijn-
Stamos), tragically lose their eight-year-old
son and are, of course, utterly devastated.
They are approached by a long-forgotten
acquaintancea brilliant doctor named
Richard Wells (played in the film by Robert
DeNiro)who confides in them that he
48 scr(i)pt
by Mark Bomback
has secretly developed a proce-
dure by which a single cell from
their sons body could be used
to create a genetically identical
fetus: a clone. The procedure
would mean implanting this
fetus in the mother, who would
then carry it to term, and, in
effect, give birth to her child
again. If the couple chooses
to participate, it will require
moving to an isolated commu-
nity where the doctors clinic is
Robert DeNiro stars in Godsend, written by Mark Bomback
located and severing all ties with
anyone who ever knew their son. Two things in particular really grabbed
After much hand-wringing, the couple me about this idea. The first was the notion
agrees to go through with it. The procedure of examining a topical issue through the lens
is a success. The mother gives birth to their of a thriller. I had read a few articles about
son again, and everything seems perfectly cloning technology and was consistently
fineuntil eight years later when the boy amazed by the possibility (some would
finally outlives the age at which hed previ- say inevitability) that the same techniques
ously died. Suddenly, the child begins to which gave birth to Dolly the sheep might
have terrifying nightmares, nightmares that someday be applied to human reproduction.
begin to bleed into his waking life and start While the debates over stem-cell research
to affect the boys behavior, nightmares that and the mapping of the human genome
are taking their toll on everyone around werent to become headline-worthy subjects
himespecially his parents who come to until another year or two, I had a hunch
suspect that maybe playing God wasnt that the question When has science gone
necessarily the best decision after all. too far? would only become more pressing
scriptmag.com

in the 21st century. Of course, many main-
stream movies have tackled cloning before,
but they were usually broad comedies or
futuristic sci-fi fantasies. To my knowledge,
none dealt with cloning as a genuine pos-
sibility in the real world.
The second thing that really intrigued me
was the theme of wish fulfillment vis--vis sci-
ence. In doing research into the debate over
human cloning, I was surprised to discover
that a predominant argument for cloning was
that it could be used to resurrect a lost loved
one. While I hesitate to weigh in on the
debate itself, this particular rationale strikes
me as being, if not ultimately persuasive,
undeniably poignant. I can only imagine how
excruciating the death of ones child must be,
and if presented with the opportunity offered
to the couple in Godsend, how difficult it
might be for any parent to decline. This
snippet is from the scene that immediately
follows that offer. Paul and Jessie return to
their empty apartment:
PAUL
Honey, I love you beyond words.
But only one tiny thing has to
go wrong -- and theres so much
that needs to go right.
JESSIE
But if it did --
PAUL
It still wouldnt be Adam
again. It would be a new child,
more like an identical twin --
JESSIE
Hed have the same face. The
same laugh. This is our only
chance ...
She breaks down crying. Paul
approaches, hugs her tightly.
PAUL
I promise you, somehow we will
have another --
JESSIE
I dont want another child!
I want him! I want Adam -- I
want him back!
In the book Danse MacabreStephen
Kings excellent survey of the horror genre
in literature and filmhe defines the terror
generated by the best horror as arising from
a pervasive sense of disestablishment; that
things are in the unmaking. This terror, in
a nutshell, was the effect I was striving for in
Godsend: A persistent and incremental feeling
that something bad is just around the corner.
It took me a while to get there, however.
Prior to writing the screenplay on spec,
I decided to pitch the idea to a handful of
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" q l c n _ l m  i h  q l c n c h a #
production companies. Our childs due date
was only a few weeks away, and I was finding
it difficult to concentrate on anything other
than my own nerves. I figured pitching the
story would be a good use of time. I could
get some diverse and objective feedback, and
if, by some chance, someone wanted to actu-
ally pay me to write it, well, far be it for me
to say no. Sounds like a good plan, right?
Not exactly. Pitching the idea requires
fleshing out the story into three acts that
take anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes to
relate. This development can prove prob-
lematic because you can wind up rushing
your thought process as opposed to letting
it evolve over the several weeks or months
it takes to write a first draft. Next thing you
know, your storys going down the wrong
road simply because of a few hasty turns of
the wheel. In the case of Godsend, I really
hadnt thought the tone through. What
started out like a family drama morphed into
a hodgepodge that resembled The Shining
meets Village of the Damned with a touch
of Alien tossed in for a kicker. (Dont ask.)
Suffice it to say, the feedback I received was
less than effusive; and I can assure you that,
other than the core elements from the storys
first act, practically nothing from my origi-
nal pitch version survived. Ultimately, all
that proved useful about taking the story out
for a premature test drive was that I uninten-
tionally exorcised my cheesiest impulses.
A few weeks after my son was born, I
began the process of writing the screenplay
on spec. Chastened by my pitch sessions,
I decided to approach the script in a way
that, for me at least, was a novelty. Rather
than outline the beats of the entire story,
I simply started writing, leaving myself
a solid hour or two each day for copious
note-taking. By the time I was halfway
through the script, Id plotted in broad
strokes the remainder of the film; but what
I managed to accomplish over the course of
the writing was a consistency of tone.
Ill confess, I really dont like to discuss
tone. On those occasions that Im asked
about the tone of something on which Im
working, I will inevitably duck the query
by simply comparing the screenplay in
question to movies the petitioner is likely
to have seen. I do this because Ive found
that when I am pressed to elaborate, my
response degenerates into a monologue
that is, at best, obtuse and, more often,
pretentious. In my experience, Ive hit the
right tone when the movie feels like the
Screenwriter Mark Bomback
kind of movie the original idea wanted to
be. (See? Obtuse and pretentious.)
While writing Godsend, there were many
opportunities to botch the toneand I
assure you, I managed to seize quite a
few of them over the course of numerous
drafts. Sometimes a scene would read so
subtle as to feel either pointless or expo-
sitional; other scenes came off as over-
blown and trope-ridden. The films that,
to my mind, most successfully achieved
the tone I was struggling for were thrillers
like Rosemarys Baby, The Exorcist and (per-
haps less obviously) Straw Dogs. Looking
at these films, you realize they all shared
a common burden: Their audiences knew
something very bad was going to happen.
They didnt know when it was coming or
how, but theyd seen the trailer. They knew
the set-up. That sort of knowledge could
very easily distract an audience, or worse,
breed impatience. The moviegoers were
not only expecting to be scared, but they
also wanted that scare to be gratifying.
What these films did so successfully was
to delay that gratification, and, in doing so,
they transformed their burden into a tre-
mendous asset. The filmmakers knew that if
they could just get their audience to believe
in the characters reality and empathize with
their situation, then the other shoe was the
filmmakers to drop whenever and wherever
they wished. The nail-biting, edge-of-your-
seat fun was in the hovering. Of course,
these films all had wonderful characters
and highly dramatic situations, but I would
scr(i)pt 49
" q l c n _ l m  i h  q l c n c h a #
argue that it was their impeccable use of
tone that in the end separated them from
the pack. As Stephen King noted, effective
terror is derived from a sense that the world
is gradually unhinging right before our eyes.
The characters take a long time to become
aware of this. But not us. While any studio
exec worth his expense account will tell you
that the audience must never be ahead of
the protagonist, the great thing about suc-
cessfully employing this sort of tone is that
the audience can feel as if theyre ahead of
the protagonist (i.e. I know something
bad is coming.) while, at the same time,
maintaining 100 percent empathy because
they are, in fact, not at all ahead of the pro-
tagonist. (i.e. If only I knew what that bad
thing is.) In my opinion, the scariest films
are those that make you want to yell at the
screen, but have absolutely no idea what it
is you should be yelling.
Thats what I was aiming for with
Godsend. For example, some 25 script pages
have elapsed by the time Jessie is ready to
deliver Adam for the second time; and noth-
ing overtly scary has happened in the film.
Yet I endeavored to infuse that scene and
those that followed it with more and more
discorda pervading notion that the action
could and will take a turn for the terrifying
at any moment. From the script:
INT. GODSEND INSTITUTE A DELIVERY
ROOM DAY
JESSIE SCREAMING, sprawled on a
labor bed, sweat beading down
her face; her size indicates nine
months have elapsed. Also present
are Paul, two nurses and Richard.
All in scrubs and masks -- save
Jessie, blowing frantic breaths.
JESSIE
Its not -- it hurts!
Somethings wrong!
RICHARD
Everythings fine, Jessie.
Youre fully dilated, the heads
already crowning, youve just
got to -- now! Push!
JESSIE
No -- its wrong! Somethings --
RICHARD
Nothings wrong. Here it comes
-- Paul, look, you can see the
head ...
PAUL
Hes almost out, honey. Just a
little --
RICHARD
Easy -- now the shoulder ...
here we ... go!
On this, Richard delivers a NEWBORN
BABY BOY, shrunken and wet. The
childs face is in repose, eyes and
mouth shut. Nurses quickly suction
the nose, pry into the mouth.
RICHARD
Come on, lets just hear you
cry ...
They smack his back, but eyes and
mouth remain SHUT.
RICHARD
I need some breath from him.
Now. How long has he --
NURSE
13 seconds. 14. 15 ... APGAR
hasnt budged.
RICHARD
(tenses, anxiety rising)
Im going to need to ventilate
him if he doesnt respond to
stimulation.
ON PAUL, as the nurse announces 20
seconds, 21, 22 ... Helpless,
he turns to Jessie -- only shes
strangely at peace. In fact, her
lips form a distant smile?

NURSE
27 ... 28 ... 29 ... 30 sec-
onds, still no --
With Jessies eyes we suddenly WHIP
PAN TO THE NEWBORN in Richards
grasp -- it lets out a piercing,
hysterical CRY. At once breathless,
confused and relieved, Paul turns
to Jessie; her eyes are focused
solely on the infant.
JESSIE
It was the same the last time,
remember?
Richard hands the infant to Jessie.
She studies its face in absolute
silence, then slowly turns his tiny
body to note a solitary CURLY-CUE OF
HAIR at the base of his neck. She
presses her lips to it, then looks
at Paul through tears of joy.
JESSIE
Its him ... Its Adam.
Jessie reaches her hand out, grasps
... Richards hand.
JESSIE
Thank you -- oh God, thank you.
Richard too is wholly fixated on
the child, until he realizes Paul
staring at his and Jessies CLASPED
HANDS. He gently lets go, smiles at
Paul in congratulations.
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" q l c n _ l m  i h  q l c n c h a #
ON JESSIE, whispering to the infant
with a tearful smile:
JESSIE
You wanted to give us a scare,
didnt you?
I was fortunate in that the director, Nick
Hamm, felt as I did that the best way to
build suspense would be to let the drama
play out against this backdrop of steadily
mounting uneasiness. Countless times wed
turn to each other and ask, Are we getting
this right? It almost always came down to
a question of tone. Fortunately, we were
blessed with a terrific cast. (Slightly off-
subject, my wish for every writer would be
to know the experience of Robert DeNiros
having memorized your lines.) Like Nick,
Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Greg Kinnear and
Robert DeNiro were all determined to con-
vey the precise tone of each scene, careful
to calibrate its relationship to scenes theyd
already shot and, more difficult, scenes
they hadnt. This concentration would
usually result in flurries of incisive ques-
tions and still more revised script pages.
However, I can recall no more satisfying a
feeling as a screenwriter than standing on
the set and realizing that a troublesome
beat or a tricky piece of dialogue not only
works, but, thanks to a great performance,
works even better than anticipated.
I suppose that when youre dealing with
thrillers of this nature, what youre ultimately
after is a cumulative effect. Of course, the
good thing about cumulative effects is that
you can slip up here and there, and the
effect can still save you. The bad thing about
cumulative effects is that you can slip up
here and there and wind up botching the
entire effect itself. I honestly dont know if
my screenplay managed to pull it off or not.
Soon, however, Godsend will be in theaters,
and Ill finally be able to gauge whether or
not my writing achieved the aims I first
began striving for almost four years ago.
I have to admit, the suspense is killing
me.
In addition to Godsend, MARK BOMBACK
worked on the screenplay for Constantine,
also due out this year. He is presently writing
Die Hard 4 for Twentieth Century Fox and
remains hard at work on Disturbing the Peace,
an independent film with which he hopes
to make his directorial debut. A graduate of
Wesleyan University, Mark currently lives in Los
Angeles with his wife and two children.
scr(i)pt 51
 BUILDING A
House
of
Sand
AND
FOG
by Shawn Lawrence Otto
T
he thing about novels is this: The
better they are, the more internal
they are. Novels tell the story from
the inside looking out. A great novel plumbs
the depths of human emotion, morality and
spirituality, and then uses the insights gained
to drive characters to life-changing actions.
The thing about movies is this: The better
they are, the more external they are. Movies
tell the story from the outside looking in. A
great movie captures the breadth and speci-
ficity of human action, and then uses the
structure of that action to drive the audience
to life-changing insights or emotions.
So the trick of the deal is this: How do
you take an internal art form and retell it in
a way that its complex spirituality, emotion
and morality can be captured externally by
a machinethe camera?
Thats the joy and the challenge of adap-
tations. Unlike writing an original, when
youre writing for the screen from the start,
with an adaptation youre inventing a paral-
lel story that captures an internal narrative
in external, dramatic terms. Inventing that
story poses some really cool problems that
get to the heart of what both screenplays and
novels are all about.
52 scr(i)pt
Such problems happened in the story we
are about to discuss. Capturing that inter-
nal narrative was the first challenge I faced
when Vadim Perelman, the director (who
also received screenplay credit), and I sat
down in my writing study in Minnesota to
talk about how to approach this project.
THE SET-UP
The story for House of Sand and Fog cen-
ters around two people: Colonel Massoud
Amir Behrani, who fled Iran with his fam-
ily when the Shah fell; and Kathy Nicolo,
a recovering addict who is all alone in the
world. Behrani is almost broke and is work-
ing two menial jobs to make ends meet. He
purchases a home at a sheriffs auction for a
fraction of its value, and he thinks that his
ship has finally come in. He plans to fix the
house up and sell it, enabling him to save
his family from destitution and to send his
son Esmail to college. The only problem is
that Behranis saving grace is Kathys house,
inherited from her father and the only thing
standing between her and homelessness.
Worse, the house was mistakenly taken away
from her due to a bureaucratic snafu. When
legal remedies fail her, Kathy sets out to get
scriptmag.com

the house back by other means.
THE BEGINNING
The novel starts out with
Behrani working on a road crew,
and at the same time you have
this wonderful first-person nar-
ration. We sense his colonels
identity in his idiom, his rhythm
and his attitude; and that is key
to understanding and empathiz-
ing with this man. How do you
get that same feeling on film
that feeling of pride and loss,
of identitywithout resorting to
Ben Kingsley as Massoud Amir Behrani, Ron Eldard as Deputy Sheriff Lester
voiceover? Burdon and Jonathan as Behranis son Esmail in House of Sand and Fog,
You have to do it with struc- screenplay by Vadim Perelman and Shawn Lawrence Otto
ture. As narrative is to the novel-
ist, structure is to the screenwriter. So I
began looking for a dramatic way into this
man that would give the audience the same
feeling I had while reading the beginning
of the novel. Then I remembered the trees.
More precisely, the cutting of the trees.
The scene I am referring to was a moment
in Behranis past, mentioned only in retro-
spect in the novel, when he had the trees
cut down at their Caspian Sea home so that
his family could view the water. This new
(albeit somewhat pathetic in comparison)
California home had trees, too, and one
needed to climb the widows walk to see
the ocean. The parallels between the houses
were obvious and emotionally resonant.
Suddenly, that moment in the past began to
shine as the moment where Behrani felt he
was the master and provider of his family,
a true and proud Persian man, a full-bird
colonel and its all been downhill since
then until now.
So I turned to Vadim and said, How
about if we open in his heart at the
moment when he had the trees cut down?
Ironically, Behranis wife Nadi, of course,
wouldnt view the moment with the same
nostalgia. But for Behrani, giving his fam-
ily back their ocean view had become the
Holy Grail, the symbol of all that has been
lost and must be regained. Pathetic as it is,
this humble, new house represents all that
emotion to him.
Bingo. Suddenly, we had not only an
opening for the movie, but also an emo-
tional drive for Behrani. We open at their
Caspian beach home with the cutting of the
treesright on the nerve. Then we pull out
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" q l c n _ l m  i h  q l c n c h a #
into an opulent wedding, which wasnt in
the book either except in retrospect, but the
wedding represents the flip side of the prob-
lemtheir need to maintain appearances.
This man is still wealthy, we see. Theres
speculation among the guests about exactly
what it is he does.
Then we cut to Behrani on the road
crew, and we see the reality: Hes not so
wealthy, after all. In fact, hes desperate.
So, now we know this is a complex, driven
man, and things are not as they appear. We
are starting on the nerve of his emotional
drive which is to reclaim the past. The
effect is the same as in the novel, but it
was accomplished with structure instead
of narration, and in the film with Sir Bens
miraculous performance.
But was that opening too big of a change
from the novel to the screenplay? After all,
the wedding and the cutting of the trees
dont even happen in the novel. Theyre just
referred to in retrospect.
To answer that you have to ask Does
this new opening tell the same story? I say
yes, it does. The difference is simply a func-
tion of telling the story with actions and
structuredrama versus narrative. We pre-
serve the voiceovers story function, but we
use magnificent images instead of Behranis
magnificent voice.
THE MIDDLE
The question Does it tell the same story
with drama? is the key question for many
adaptation decisions, but at other times
it doesnt even apply. If you want to get
good at this game, you have to learn how
to tell the difference. Sometimes
an adaptation must change the
story fundamentally.
Im working with such a novel
right now. In it, there are terrific
set pieces, some very cool themes
and characters and a setting never
seen before. But the protagonist
is almost completely passive. In
the dramatic form, thats use-
less to me. People who go to
see dramawhether its plays or
moviesgo to see driven actions
that tell a story.
Thats not to say passive pro-
tagonists cant work. They can.
But, because drama is about
action, things actors do and say,
passivity can only work dramatically when
it is in defiance of a very unjust, immoral
or absurdly wrong environment. Two good
examples, very different genres, are also two
of my favorite movies: The Graduate and
Apocalypse Now.
In both cases, the protagonists passivity
was actually a very aggressive form of defi-
ance toward an unjust, wrong or absurd
situation that the audience knew was absurd
and, in both cases, the choked-back pas-
sive-aggressiveness is eventually unleashed
in major dramatic action in the third act.
Simply standing passively can be a very
aggressive action, depending on the context,
as in, say, standing in front of an advancing
military in Gandhi.
But what about movies where the set-
ting is not so clearly absurd or unjust?
What about when you just have a truly
passive protagonist instead of a passive-
aggressive one?
Then you have a problem. For drama to
work, you have to have an emotional drive
in your protagonist that causes him to act.
Thats the single most critical element of
drama. So what do you do? Well, you insert
a drive. Pick one. Its up to you. Youve got
a jellyfish lying there on the page, and its
your job to stick a spine up his rear and get
him to stand up and dance. Fine.
But heres the rub. If you insert a drive
(e.g. to reclaim the past), you motivate
choices. Choices create actions. Actions
create plot. And plot creates story. So by
simply inserting a drive, you very likely will
change the story; and youll have a whale of
a time hanging onto anything in the novel
scr(i)pt 53
" q l c n _ l m  i h  q l c n c h a #
that doesnt fall on that spine.
In the case of House of Sand and Fog, I
didnt have the problem of having a passive
protagonist. When Andre Dubus III wrote
the novel, he created empathy for both sides
which gave clues to their emotional drives.
His use of first-person narration meant he
was essentially writing about action.
That empathy also gave the story ten-
sion. Not only do we not have the slight-
est idea how this terrible dilemma can
be resolvedwe also care about both of
these characters and have no idea who we
want to win.
So, I had all the major elements of
drama to work with: tension, drive and
action. All I had to do was find and
start both characters from their drives
Behranis need to reclaim the past and
Kathys need to love and be loved instead
of using and being used. For both of them,
claiming the house meant achieving those
emotional goals. And then I had to main-
tain the empathy for both viewpoints and
also focus on actions.
Again, the goal is to make the inter-
nal external through drive and action. A
simpler example from the movie is the
ledger book. I needed to build a sense of
impending financial doom visually, so hav-
ing Behrani carry that book everywhere
with him, subtracting every time he spent a
penny, seemed like a good way. The ledger
makes a kind of poignant character state-
ment about his driven personality as well.
The use of the ledger was especially effec-
tive when juxtaposed with Kathys behavior
at the other extreme; she cant even bear to
open her mail in case it holds more bad
news. (My own friends from Persia, whose
family also fled when the Shah fell, saw
the movie and said that seeing that precise
accounting reminded them of something
Persian men in their family would do, so I
felt pretty gratified.)
THE ENDING
Okay, so the beginning is done. Weve
got emotionally driven protagonists mov-
ing along a spine of action. Were off and
running.
Heres a different genus of adaptation
question, then, one which many novels,
especially modern ones, pose in one way
or another: What about the ending?
House of Sand and Fog has an ending
thats, shall we say, a bit problematic. A
lot of readers complained about it in book
clubs and online, even as they raved about
the rest of the novel. Most of those com-
plaints centered on two things. First, they
felt the climax was melodramatic. Second,
they felt the ending was nihilistic and
unsatisfying. Clearly, these were responses
we had to deal with.
First to the melodrama. Now, Im a big
fan of Shakespeare. I even edited a journal
about him, so Im a bit of a fan of the
tragic thriller as an underused art form
these daysand thats what this film is.
But tragedy can feel melodramatic when
its not well motivated. I felt that the
melodramatic feeling of the novels ending
would be lessened by more clearly motivat-
ing the characters and by focusing more on
action throughout the rest of the film. I
think we got there.
But this begs the next question, the Big
Hollywood Question of the adaptation:
Do we change the ending to make it more
satisfying? And, if so, how?
There are lots of possible answers. The
simplest and most obtuse is to say, Yes,
lets let everybody live, and make it
happy. (Well sell more tickets, right? Its the
only way well get the movie made, right?)
Maybe, but chopping the balls off a bull
because audiences like milk only gets you
bloody. Audiences like a good bull ride
once in a while, too, as long as its satisfy-
ing. Thats the key: We dont want a happy
milquetoast ending, we want a robust,
satisfying one. A true one.
This story is a cautionary tale about the
American Dream, and how that dream car-
ries with it the need for tolerance. The trag-
edy is part and parcel of that trajectory, and
to avoid it would have been to eviscerate the
story and undermine its premise. Imagine
Othello going, Ha, ha, its all pretend.
Saved her in the nick of time. So much for
Shakespeares career.
To write drama well you must write,
above all, with integrity. So, how to make
it satisfying even if its tragic? To me, the
answer was to make Kathy learn.
Neither Vadim nor I cared for the
nihilism of the novel, wherein Kathy
doesnt learn any lesson and winds up in
prison. It does no honor to the deaths
of the Behranis, and we both felt we
needed to honor those deaths by making
SOMEBODY learn from them. The lesson
makes the tragedy all the stronger, I felt,
because a key character recognizes what
has been lost. At the same time, the story
is more satisfying.
There we sat, and I was reaching into
that great, warm blackness from where these
ideas come. Suddenly I saw the solution:

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Film Weekend 2004: How To Succeed in Film and Television
Featuring Leading Industry Professionals:
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Visit www.hollywoodbythebay.com or www.learningannex.com to register

54 scr(i)pt scriptmag.com

Screenwriter Shawn Lawrence Otto
Kathy leaves. Maybe shes pissed, maybe
shes just going for a walk down the hill,
to the beach, whatever, while she is wait-
ing for Deputy Sheriff Lester. But then she
comes back. She finds them there. Dead
on the bed, at the moment she thought
" q l c n _ l m  i h  q l c n c h a #
there might be hope for a mutual resolu-
tion. Shes devastated. These people are like
her family now.
Ironically, the Behranis are the only peo-
ple who have ever shown Kathy the love
and compassion for which shes longed,
and this moment is exalted. She tears
at the plastic bag sucked into Behranis
mouth. The intimacy, the grief as she tries
mouth to mouth. Weeping. She tries Nadi
next. But shes too late.
Then we cut to the widows walk. Its a
high-wide shot. Lots of lights turningcop
cars, ambulances surrounding the house.
Emergency scene. The bodies are loaded up,
and Kathys smoking, just blowing smoke.
This is her loss now, too. This cop comes
up the stairs; hes got to file his report, and
he says, Maam? She looks, and shes just
smoking. He says, Maam, is this your
house? Shes smoking, and we go close on
her face and her eyes. She says, No, no its
not. She forswears it.
Thats how the beginning and ending
got changed in the adaptation of House
of Sand and Fog. The beginning because
we needed to be true to the novel. The
ending because we needed to not be true
to the novel, but true to the characters
and the themes of the novel, and to have
Kathy learn.
In other words, we were true to the story
in dramatic form. Vadims instinct when we
first spoke on the phone about the project
was right: We needed to create a smidgeon
of hope. We did that, and we got out, and
we left Kathy and the audience with the
responsibility for the final question of where
sheand we allwill go from here.
The son of an immigrant, SHAWN LAWRENCE
OTTO lives in a wind-powered, passive solar
house he designed and built with his own
hands on a 30-acre horse farm in Minnesota.
He studied architecture but became a writer
because all his heroes were writers. He
once edited a Shakespeare journal, and hes
now a screenwriter, political strategist, cam-
paign manager for his wife, Minnesota Rep.
Rebecca Otto and a Cub Scout leader for his
son Jakes pack. He made close friends from
Iran and other countries while at Macalester
College, where he graduated Phi Beta Kappa
and magna cum laude.

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(2004) MARCH/APRIL scr(i)pt 55

 The
Fairly
OddParents
A NIMATION has exploded in volume on the big screen and on the small screen. There are more animation
writers working today than ever, and one of the fastest rising new cartoons in the industry is Nickelodeons The
Fairly OddParents. Its about a 10-year-old boy with fairy godparents who must grant his every wish, and the
show has a unique look that gives the feeling of the cartoons I watched as a kid. To get inside the development
and writing process of this show, I spoke with Butch Hartman (creator/executive producer) and Steve Marmel (producer/
head writer) about the show and the peculiarities of writing in toon.

scr(i)pt: How did this show come about? To whom did you pitch?
BUTCH HARTMAN: I originally pitched the idea back in 1997 to
Fred Seibert (creator of Nickelodeons Oh, Yeah! Cartoons). Fred was
buying short cartoons from everybody in town. He bought about 25
or 28 cartoons from other creators, and I slid in right under the wire
and filled the last slot of the first season. Oh, Yeah! Cartoons was a
show that you turned on for a half-hour, and youd see three different
seven-minute cartoonsan anthology kind of thing. Eventually, the
network started looking at those little bits of cartoons to see which
ones worked the best. I was very fortunate. They ended up giving
me another six shorts to do. By the time I finished, I had 10 shorts
of The Fairly OddParents. Then they picked it up as a series for six
half-hour episodes.
I met Steve when he and I worked on Johnny Bravo at Hanna-
Barbera in 1996. Then when I sold The Fairly OddParents, he came
onboard as a writer and eventually became the story editor. We both
wrote pretty much everything the first season, and we write the show
like a sitcom. We approach everything from a story-based point of
view. Its always story, story, story first, then funny pictures later.
scr(i)pt: How long were the shorts?
BH: Seven minutes, but now each individual episode of The Fairly
OddParents is 11 minutes long. You get two stories per half-hour.
Fred originally wanted me to make each story seven minutes long.
I disagreed. When I first got this project sold, I said that I had so
much to talk about that I wanted to make the shorts longer. Most
[other] shows are 11 minutes long, but theyre actually five-minute
stories stretched out to fill the time. Our shows are 11 minutes long,
but we have a half-hours worth of comedy pumped into them. At
least, we try to shove that much in there.
STEVE MARMEL: I think with seven minutes, most of the time,
you can only do a gag-based show. Its set up as joke, joke, joke, joke,
conclusion. We try to have an A-story and a running gag in every
one of these episodes; thats why they are so packed.
scr(i)pt: When you were developing the show, how did you come up
with your characters and the setting?
BH: When I was a kid, I always felt smarter than the adults around
me. I was like 10 or 11, and all these adults around me were these

56 scr(i)pt scriptmag.com

wacky people. I knew I was smarter than
they were. I could do what they could
do, but I was only 10 and couldnt drive,
couldnt vote and couldnt shop. I couldnt BH: I wanted a show that could go any-
do anything for myself because I was a kid.
So I was powerless.
I thought it would be funny to give a
kid like that the power to do whatever he
wanted. Plus, I wanted the setting to be
suburbia. I also thought it would be neat if
he was an only child and his parents worked
all the time. Then he would need to have
a babysitter, which is where the character
Vicky comes in. Because I grew up with the
snow and hated it, he lives in an environ-
ment where there is no snow.
Timmy, my main character, is named
after my youngest brother. I have three
younger brothers: Mike, Keith and Tim. I
was going to name him Mike, but we had
an argument that week, so now its Timmy.
Overall, the environment basically is fun.
Plus, the style of the artthis doesnt apply
to the writingis a style Id never done
before. I was an animation artist for years,
and this was a new style I wanted to try.
scr(i)pt: How is it different?
BH: I used to draw in a very traditional
Hanna-Barbera type way. This cartoon is
more of Hanna-Barbera-ish style mixed with
the UPA (United Producers of America)
style of the 1950s. It sort of has more of a
retro look.
Writing-wise, I always wanted to make sure
the show was funny all the timenon-stop
so that it would grab the audience right out
of the gate until I was ready to let them go.
scr(i)pt: What is your process for finding
and developing stories?
BH: Since the show is about a 10-year-
old boy, we always start off with: What is
Timmys problem today? What issue does
Timmy have to overcome? Is he hiding
from the school bully? Does he have too
much homework? Does he not want to eat
his vegetables? Things like that. How does a
boy with those problemswho just so hap-
pens to have magical fairy godparentsget
around those problems?
At first, he makes a wish that seems
pretty great, but then it always has to go
wrong in some way or right in some way.
Usually, its wrong.
SM: We use that to get to the wish and
then escalate it from there. Its a show that
can go anywhere and do anything, and that
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" n b _  m g [ f f  m ] l _ _ h #
usually happens with Timmy by accident
based on something that any 10-year-old
kid would want.
where so that Id never be stuck for a story
idea. At any time in the story, if I want to
poof to the moon or poof to Paris or
poof to Hawaii, I can do that. I think
thats part of the appeal of the show.
SM: We really focus on character-
based comedy. When we first started
doing this, the idea was to have
interesting enough characters that
if they were just sitting around a
library for 11 minutes, theyd still
be funny. Once those characters
were defined, you could put them
in almost any situation and their
voices would go in the direction of
the comedy of their character.
BH: The greatest example [of that kind
of set-up] is The Honeymooners, one of
the greatest shows of all time. Yet the set
is one of the worst sets everjust this
box [of a] kitchen. But Ralph Kramden
(Jackie Gleason) is there and Ed Norton
(Art Carney) is there and the wives (Audrey
Meadows as Alice and Joyce Randolph as
Trixie) are there; and they can do anything
or say anything, and it is hilarious. It doesnt
matter that they are in that kitchen because
the characters are so great. comic, and Scott did some stand-up.
BH: Scotts father was a stand-up comic.
scr(i)pt: I watched the show last night. It was Scotts a real funny guy, and hes a real
the one where the parents went off on a fancy, funny writer. Steve also does a lot of stand-
non-business business trip, and Timmy wished up. Cynthia was initially hired as a script
the babysitter a million billion miles away. coordinator, not as a writer. She [wrote] a
BH: Oh, yeah. [The father says,] Were biography called American Scream about
going on a business trip to Big Resort Bill Hicks, the comedian. She wanted to
Springs Beach. Theyve got fishing. Not take a crack at a script, and we gave her the
business. Deep sea not-businessing and eight chance. She did a good job, so we let her
different restaurants. do more. Its good to have Cynthia on the
SM: Thats a good example, too, of the kind staff because shes our female point of view,
of joke where we dont write at kids. We which is nice because Steve, Jack, Scott and
write what we think is funny, and kids find I do all the superhero-based stuff.
that funny; and because we write what we
think is funny, adults are finding it funny, scr(i)pt: What are the shows demographics?
too. I also think that part of what makes the BH: We have a lot of crossover appeal,
show such a success is that nobody puts a which is really exciting because it means we
muzzle on their comedy when theyre put- can write stuff that we think older people
ting their stuff in the scripts. will get. Kids who are five now will get
it when theyre 15. When we first started
scr(i)pt: How many writers are on staff? out, the main focus was on ages six to
BH: Basically five. Theres myself, Steve, 11, but a lot of older kids have gravitated
Jack Thomas, Scott Fellows and our newest to the showa lot of 14-year-olds, a lot
addition, Cynthia True. of college-aged kids and a lot of adults
SM: Every one of those writers has com- have, too. Weve received tons of reports
edy experience. Jack used to be a stand-up of college kids loving the show. I have two
scr(i)pt 57
" n b _  m g [ f f  m ] l _ _ h #
Creator/Executive Producer Butch Hartman
daughtersone in kindergarten, and one
in third grade. All the time, their friends
parents tell me how much they love the
show along with their kids. So I get a lot of
positive feedback from adults.
SM: I dont remember the numbers on
Abra-Catastrophe (our 90-minute TV
movie), but it was a big adult hit when the
TV movie premiered.
BH: The premiere was in July. We had the
number-one TV movie of that weekend. It
beat out a lot of live action stuff.
scr(i)pt: I understand that animation scripts
often run two pages for every minute of screen
time as opposed to the standard one page for
live action?
BH: Yes. First off, we can do a lot more
[in animation] than we could if it were
live action. The Harry Potter movie cost
$50,000,000; but in animation, we can do
it for half that, maybe even a third of that
because we dont have to go out to a loca-
tion that looks like a castle. We dont have
to make sure the kids have teachers around
them all the time. Theres no union for the
actors and that kind of thing.
We over-describe things because we have
artists who need to visually draw things out
as opposed to just going out and setting up
a camera on a location.
scr(i)pt: What kinds of writing problems do
new animation writers tend to run into?
BH: When Steve first started writing The
Fairly OddParents, he would [write descrip-
tions, such as]: A herd of elephants runs
through the scene, and Id say, You know,
someones got to draw that. Somebody
58 scr(i)pt
will be downstairs for four hours drawing
a herd of elephants. You can get away with
one elephant. You dont need a herd. Or,
hed write: Four hundred kids run through
the scene; and Id say, Can we at least
take it down to 100? I know we can draw
whatever you want, but can we take it
down a notch?
The board artists can get a little over-
whelmed, and The Fairly OddParents is one
of the most fully loaded shows (as far as the
props and characters go) because we are
constantly changing costumes and chang-
ing characters and changing the world and
scenery and locations. To do The Fairly
OddParents as a live action show would be
astronomically expensive.
SM: On this show, we have all the writ-
ing of a feature (the descriptions, sets and
everything else) and the rapid-fire dialogue
of a sitcom. If the scripts are thick here, its
because we are really doing two types of
genres in the same show. We go everywhere.
We do everything. We treat it like a single-
camera movie, and then we overwrite the
characters so that theres nothing but jokes
all the way through. Theres not a lot of
quiet time on this show.
scr(i)pt: The last time I interviewed anima-
tion writers, they told me that you have to call
out everything. If you say a character raises his
hand, the artist will leave the hand up unless
you say the hand comes down.
BH: Occasionally. I mean, you have to use
common sense. There are a lot of times
when you will do that. Location is the big
one. They script will just say ON TIMMY.
Well, where is Timmy? Is he in his room? Is
he outside?
SM: Where are Cosmo and Wanda (the
fairy godparents)? What are they dis-
guised as?
BH: Exactly. Cosmo and Wanda have to
hide all the time. They cant be seen as fair-
ies around Timmy, so they hide as his lug-
gage or his clothes or his fish. We can make
them whatever we want. We try to hide
them and disguise them, and the kids have
fun seeing what they turn into.
scr(i)pt: As writers, are you working under
WGA? In 1998, I did an article about anima-
tion, and the WGA was just starting to bring
animation houses in under contract.
BH: No, its not WGA. The whole studio is
Screen Cartoonists Local 839.
SM: Its all based on the network you are
working for, but (loudly to the powers
above listening) all of us have really great
lives because of this show.
BH: A lot of so-called writers are actually
storyboard artists who write gags. So there
havent been a lot of actual writers in
animation who are just writers. The Fairly
OddParents, I can guarantee, is one of the
first shows ever to have a full-time staff of
writers where all they do is write stories. Ive
worked on a lot of animated TV shows, and
the artists have pretty much done all the
storywriting.
SM: When we got picked up, we decided
we were going to run this thing like a writ-
ers room. We wanted a room full of people
where all they did was write. That way, the
writing is getting plussed along the way.
BH: I dont have to have an artist [whos
also a writer] wasting time thinking up
stuff. You can have writers doing their job,
thinking on it, and the artists can [focus]
100 percent of their time on their job.
SM: The writers focus on how they can
make these words the funniest words they
can write. When theyre done with the
words, then the script goes go to the artists.
At some point, its all put together. The
writers come back, and we punch it up. At
every step of the process, there are writers
making things funnier.
BH: In about an hour, were pitching anoth-
er episode of The Fairly OddParents. First, it
was a script. Then, it became a storyboard.
Now, the storyboard is going up on the
wall; and after we finish pitching it, the
writers are going to sit there and go through
the whole storyboard and add jokes to it.
We add jokes every step of the way.
SM: We even add them in the record.
BH: Wherever we can find something
funny.
SM: Its not done until its on the air.
scr(i)pt: Tell me more about the writing and
pitching process?
BH: We first write a one-paragraph premise.
Then, we expand it into a script. Then, we
make it into a storyboard. Then, we put it
into the animation process. All along the
way, we have to get approvals.
The one-paragraph premise is pitched
to the network, like, Timmy turns into
a toilet. What do you think? Theyll go,
Well, thats good, but can he hang out with
the other toilets? Then we end up making
it into a story. Once the script is approved
by the network, the storyboard artist gets it
scriptmag.com

and draws it out. Then, we put the boards
up on the wall in the conference room; and
normally the artist who draws it, pitches it
for us. Because its my show, I insist that the
whole staff come to the pitch. I like a big
audience so we can get instant reaction to
see if its funny or not.
Now, some people are talented artists,
and some are talented pitchers. Very rarely
can one person do both well, but we have
a few of those on our staff. When the artist
is great but doesnt pitch so well, someone
else will pitch.
To me, the pitch is like a show. You do the
voices. You do the sound effects. Then it all
comes down to the network [execs] in the
room. If they like the boards, they sign off on
it, or they may give a couple of notes.
SM: Its a really great process. On other
shows that Ive written, you couldnt punch
things up. You didnt get the chance to see
whether things worked or didnt in the
grand scheme of things. Sometimes, theres
stuff on the page thats hilarious; but when
you put it up on the wall, it just doesnt
work. So [here] you get to pull it out before
its sent to Korea and animated.
BH: A lot of shows have the board artist do
the writing as they go. Its really hard if the
person is a good artist but not a good writer.
SM: I tend to think that unless that per-
son is a really talented writer [as well as a]
board artist, those stories that go from out-
line to a cartoon sometimes tend to be too
linear. Youre not thinking ahead and plot-
ting out the story. Youre telling something
in a linear fashion. The Fairly OddParents
is so layered, you have to sit down with
your building blocks and put it together
in a way that tells the best story and gives
you the best opportunity for jokes. Thats
not always going to be: A goes to B goes to
C goes to D.
BH: Sometimes a small idea takes off. We
pitched an idea where Timmy goes into the
TV set and runs through a couple of differ-
ent TV shows. We wanted to just make an
11-minute show; but the network liked it
so much, they wanted to expand it to a 90-
minute TV movie. So, thats now become
our next TV movie. Were calling it Channel
Chasers. It comes out in July.
Its really, really funny. Timmy wishes him-
self into his television and travels through
a lot of different types of animated TV
showsthe kind of Saturday morning shows
that are reminiscent of things we all watched
as kids. Hell go into a Jetsons-like show. Hell
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" n b _  m g [ f f  m ] l _ _ h #
When I learned my screenplay
won rst place in scr(i)pt maga-
zines Open Door Contest Pilar
was the FIRST person I called.
Why? Because without her
help, her class and her ideas,
my writing would not be what
it is today. Work with On The
Page if you want to learn how
to stop thinking like a per-
son who writes screenplays
-- and start thinking more like
a screenwriter.
Producer/Head Writer Steve Marmel
- Scott Huebscher,
First Place Winner
go into a show that has a modern stone-age
Open Door Screenwriting
family in it. The kids will love it because it
Contest
will feature our main characters drawn in a
lot of different cartoon styles. The adults will
dig it, too, because it will remind them of
the stuff they grew up with. Lets hope they
had happy childhoods.
SM: Everybody is a fan of certain shows,
and this is a way for us to tell the story we
wanted to tell and have the favorites run-
ning in the background. We can wink at all
this stuff we grew up with.
Anyway, the writers are involved with
every step of the process. Once we say,
Okay, we do this premise in story form,
then well sit down and have a beat meet-
ing. Butch will be there. Ill be there. The
writers will be there, and well just bang out
the ideaflesh the premise out. Then, the
outline is written. That gets approved with
network notes. Then, well sit down and
bang it out some more, and then send the
writer off to write the script.
BH: There are very few animated shows Script Consultation &
that have our thoroughness in the writing Screenwriting Classes
process. It would be nice if all of them
did, but were fortunate that we have the
resources to do that.
Pilar Alessandra
Instructor / Consultant
Author of The Screenwriting Life, RICH
WHITESIDE was the editor-publisher of the (818)881-3193
UCLA Writers Block newsletter for six years and www.onthepage.tv
pilar@onthepage.tv
a technical writer on government projects. A
graduate of the Naval Academy and a former
Navy SEAL, Rich currently works at Paramount
Pictures in network television business affairs as
he pursues a career in screenwriting.
scr(i)pt 59
How to Write for a
MOVIE STAR
Chances are, if you want to sell your screenplay to a major film
producer, youre going to have to write the kind of role that a movie
star is dying to play.
I
accomplished this feat almost by acci-
dent when I chose Napoleon Bonaparte
as the hero for my film project, Betsy
and the Emperor. I wrote a film treatment
first, then a novel based upon itand got
my then-unpublished book into the hands
of stars. In short order, I had actors like
Dustin Hoffman, Anthony Hopkins and
Al Pacino wanting to play the role in a film
version. Was this because I had written the
greatest role since Hamlet? No, though Id
like to think otherwise.
The real reason movie stars were inter-
ested in the role in my book was that they
would be playing one of the best-known
great men of historya brilliant military
and political leader who crowned himself
emperor, a pithy and fascinating speaker, a
mercurial personality who rose from relative
poverty and obscurity to power and riches, a
great lover, the most famous man of his cen-
tury who literally conquered the world. He
was both tender and strong, high-minded
and ruthless. My story depicted him when
he was facing the greatest struggle of his life:
60 scr(i)pt
after his defeat at Waterloo when he was
held prisoner by a cruel jailor on St. Helena.
Here, Napoleon found renewed strength in
his innocently playful, mischievous friend-
ship with an English teenager. Napoleon
had soared to the heights of greatness and
eventually plunged to the depths of defeat
and despair, though he fought bravely to the
end to keep his dignity and self-respect in
the face of almost impossible odds.
Who wouldnt want to play a role like
that? Of course, it didnt hurt that a lot
of popular movie stars are shortlike
Napoleon. At the time I wrote my book,
it had been a while since any movie about
Napoleon had been produced. So the timing
was right, and the story was (mostly) true.
The lesson in all this for you is that if
your timing is good, and you can come up
with an idea for a film about a great man or
woman of historypreferably, one who is
widely knownwho hasnt been seen on a
movie screen in a while, you may be able to
attract a star to the role. By great I mean
famous activist figures of history or legend
by Staton Rabin
who launched wars or social revolutions and
whose impact was earth-shaking: Joan of Arc,
Robin Hood, King Arthur, Rob Roy, Zorro,
Jesus of Nazarethcharacters like these are
fodder for this kind of movie. Keep in mind,
though, that when writing films like these,
your hero must be active, not merely an intel-
lectual or literary revolutionary. Someone like
Robin Hood, who was out shooting arrows
and rescuing fair maidens from the villains
clutches, would probably work far better as
film material than a movie about Karl Marx
or Franz Kafka, interesting though those last
two may have been.
As you probably noticed, most of the
famous examples I gave above have been
done to death in the movies. So thats why
its important that you either do a brand-
new twist on a familiar story, which is the
best and wisest way to go, or make sure
that there is nothing similar in development
before you start writing your script. (For
example, theres currently a film in develop-
ment in which Sherlock Holmes supposed
descendanta womansolves cases.)
Sometimes it pays to choose as the sub-
ject of your screenplay a fascinating, little-
known figure in history who had far more
impact than most people realize. This will
also reduce the chances that other writers
will have something similar in development.
Keep in mind that the criteria you should
use for choosing your famous hero or hero-
ine must be exactly the same as they would
scriptmag.com

be for any other type of screenplay: Find
a great story. If you could substitute Joe
Schmo for your famous protagonist and
the story would be just as dramatic and riv-
eting, thats when you know youve chosen
the right subject for your screenplay.
But what if you dont want to write a
historical epic? How do you go about writ-
ing the sort of role that will attract someone
like Tom Cruise or the hot, young female
star-of-the-moment (which seems to change
every week)? Here are some tips Ive gath-
ered from my 20-plus years working as a
story analyst and writer.
THERE ARE NO SMALL
ROLES, ONLY SMALL ACTORS
Bunk! If you want to attract a star to your
script, it had better be to play the lead role.
Furthermore, the role better have lots of
lines, shouldnt disappear from the story for
long stretches of time and should start on
page oneor pretty close to it. If you per-
suade stars to read your scriptwhich isnt
as difficult as you may thinkyou dont
want them to be leafing through it at home,
saying to themselves, Wheres my part?
Big stars want to play big roles.
So, what about all those cameos or small
parts you see stars doing in movies? As we
say in New York, Fuhgedaboudit. When
a star takes a small role in a movie, he does
this for only one of two reasons: as a favor
to a friend or colleague, or the person who
asked him to do it is so revered by him as
a legend in the film business that the star
would be willing to do anything he asks.
CHEWING THE SCENERY
When a star comes onboard a film proj-
ect, the screenplay is often rewritten to suit
him. What generally suits him will be more
opportunities to chew the scenery: the kinds
of emotional scenes and high dramatics that
give actors a shot at winning an Oscar. Why
wait until a star comes onboard to write a star
role? If you dont write a great part, you may
never get a star anyway. Read the final draft
of your screenplay and ask yourself honestly:
If I were Russell Crowe (or whichever super-
star youre trying to get), with Hollywoods
best roles by its greatest screenwriters being
offered to me every day of the weekand
those roles are coming to me with truckloads
of cash on the tablewhy would I want to
play the role in your screenplay? If you cant
" ] l [ ` n #
answer that question, dont bother to ask a
star to read your screenplay.
Sometimes, a star may be well-known for
doing one kind of role (such as comedy)
but might love to get a part that offers him
something new that shows you shouldnt
underestimate his acting ability. Robin
Williams was smart when, early in his career,
he played dramatic roles as well as comedic
ones so that he would be thought of as a fine
actor for drama, which, of course, he was
all along. But some comedians hit it big in
comedy and have trouble getting out of the
rut once they get itchy to win an Oscar or
respect for their dramatic chops. Can you
write the role that will win Jack Black or
Will Ferrell an Oscar for drama? Maybe in a
few years theyll be ready to do that. Maybe
theyre ready nowor maybe theyll never be
ready. What about writing a great acting role
for a really popular singer? Keep in mind
that inside every comedian or singer there
beats the heart of Laurence Olivieror at
least thats the way most of them see them-
selves. Elvis wanted to be the next James
Dean. Frank Sinatra was absolutely desperate
to get the role of Maggio in From Here to
Eternity, which won him an Oscar.

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(2004) MARCH/APRIL scr(i)pt 61

" ] l [ ` n #
COMEBACKS AND
GEEZERS
As a star gets a little older, or he chooses
a few bad roles, his career can go downhill
fast. Hes just as talented as he ever was,
and, chances are, in the right role he could
make a real comeback. Maybe the best
time to approach him is when hes not at
the top of the world anymorebut isnt so
far down hes completely forgotten. Dennis
Quaids career was in a bit of a slump a
few years ago, but he has made a great
comeback thanks to choosing good roles
in films such as The Rookie and Far From
Heaven. Had you approached him during
that window of opportunity a few years
ago, before his career was back on track, you
might have been able to get his attention.
Kevin Costner was in a similar situation to
Quaids for a number of years but already
seems well on his way to a comeback. Still,
it might not be too late to approach him
with a great role. Or what about a great part
for Sylvester Stallone?
Its important to remember that you
probably wont want to reach too far back
in time to find a star in need of a come-
back. Dont try to write a comeback role
for Leave it to Beaver star Jerry Mathers
(though he had a small role in the film
Better Luck Tomorrow in 2002) or Shirley
Temple. (Personally, Id like to see Ms.
Temple on the screen again, but she
has adamantly refused.) Still, its often a
great idea to write a supporting role for
a beloved, aging star who hasnt had a
good movie part in a while. Toward the
end of his career, it would have been fun
to have written a great role for the late
Jack Lemmon. Maureen OHara, a huge
star in her day, had a good comeback role
in the John Candy film Only the Lonely,
some years back. Space Cowboys managed
to put several beloved older stars in one
movie: Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones
and James Garnerthough, of the three,
Garner was the only one who hadnt been
seen much in films in a while. Jones is
relatively young and works steadily, and
Eastwood remains a perpetual star.
Im such a fan of older actors that I
wish Id had the chance to write a role for
Gregory Peck or Katharine Hepburn before
they died. The key to writing roles for older
stars is that, generally speaking, its best from
a commercial standpoint if the film also has
big roles for younger actors. You want to
catch these older falling stars when theyre
62 scr(i)pt
still healthy, eager to work and at the height
of their acting powers.
Think about which great, older stars
might want to come back one more time
and win that Oscar (or a second one)
before they go into permanent retirement,
and write a role for them alongside one for
a younger co-star. Most of these older stars
are sick of reading scripts about a bunch of
geezers who break out of a nursing home.
Write a strong, heroic and unique part for
a beloved older actor who has yet to win
an Oscar or who hasnt been seen on the
screen in a while but may not be truly
retired. Maybe hes just waiting for the right
role. Maybe its going to be yours.
MY LEFT FOOT AND
BROKEN HEART
Actors like to play underdog roles in
which they overcome great adversity and
triumph in the end (Rocky, etc.). Actually,
all screenplays should be about a pro-
tagonist who overcomes obstaclesthats
what good drama is all about. In fact,
thats even what good comedy is all about
(think: Hope and Crosby in the road pic-
tures, Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton).
But actors enjoy playing roles in which
the adversities they face are HUGEand,
often, visible. Whether the problem is
mental illness (A Beautiful Mind), a physi-
cal disability (My Left Foot), the challenge
of climbing Mt. Everest (Everest) or even
trying to overcome mostly self-imposed
limitations (Marty), the protagonist in
your script should reveal what human
beings are like under duress and show
courage (or weakness) in the struggle to
overcome obstacles. Actors often like to
play villainsthough good-guy stars like
Tom Hanks are so beloved by audiences
that its unlikely they will ever be fully
accepted in less-than-heroic roles. (The
Road to Perdition didnt do as well at the
box-office as Saving Private Ryan.)
SAY WHAT?
Keep in mind that to actors, words are
like music, or rather, words are like song
lyrics. Dialogue should have a rhythm to it,
and speeches should sound good when read
aloud. Read your dialogue aloud and hear
how it sounds. Better yet, have your friends
read it to you. Youll hear any clunkers.
Make sure that the words flow so the actor
wont be stumbling over them while trying
to say your lines.
SHORT AND SWEET
Normally, you want your dialogue to be
crisp and efficientlong, boring speeches
arent a good idea. But when youre writ-
ing a role for a star, you must give him a
chance to do what he does best. Make sure
there are at least one or two killer speeches
in your script. They neednt and shouldnt
go on forever, but they should give the
actor a chance to strut his stuff. Remember
Humphrey Bogarts parting speech to Ilsa
in Casablanca? (Where Im going, you
cant follow. What Ive got to do you cant
be any part of. IIsa, Im no good at being
noble, but it doesnt take much to see that
the problems of three little people dont
amount to a hill of beans in this crazy
world ...) Make sure the star gets all the
best lines.
Be careful how you describe the star role
when you introduce it for the first time
in your screenplay. Make it sound power-
ful and intriguing and very specificper-
haps resembling the actors own best image
of himselfthough never mention cast-
ing ideas in a screenplay. Keep character
descriptions short. Dont be overly spe-
cific about the characters age or physical
appearance. Words like old and fat are
probably not a good idea, though there are
exceptions to even this rule.
ROLES WITH CHARACTER
Some stars like roles that permit them to
bury themselves in the part, use fake noses
(most recently, Nicole Kidman tried this in
The Hours) or otherwise disguise themselves
so thoroughly that the actor is almost unrec-
ognizable. Dustin Hoffman is this kind of
actor (Midnight Cowboy, Rain Man, etc.).
In the past, Alec Guinness and Laurence
Olivier were famous for transforming them-
selves physically to play a part, and before
them actor Lon Chaney was known as the
man of a thousand faces.
Other starslike Tom Hanks or Harrison
Ford, today, or Clark Gable in Hollywoods
heydaypretty much play themselves from
role to role, a highly underrated art form.
But most stars like playing character parts,
which permit them to really show their
acting skills. So your task is to write a great
character role which is also the lead role
in the movie. Jack Nicholson has made a
whole career of playing this kind of part,
most recently in Somethings Gotta Give,
Anger Management and About Schmidt; but
even as a young actor his leading roles were
scriptmag.com

really larger-than-life character parts (One
Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, for example).
Older or less conventionally handsome/
beautiful stars usually end up playing char-
acter roles. Some aging stars made a suc-
cessful transition from young, romantic
leads to character parts. Jimmy Stewart
did this when he went from being a callow
youth in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington to,
in his later years, starring in Hitchcock
movies and Westerns. Today, Paul Newman
has made a graceful transition to character
roles, and Burt Reynoldsprobably (along
with Redford, Eastwood and Bronson) the
most popular leading man in films when I
was growing uphas also shifted over to
playing this kind of part.
Likely, most of the stars we admire today
will shift over to playing character parts
as they grow older. The shift will happen
naturally because of the aging process and
younger stars taking their places. This is
also a result of the fact that most actors,
young or old, like to be challenged by
the roles they play. Clearly, Hugh Grant
wanted more of a challenge when he took
on the nuanced lead role in About a Boy,
for which he turned in a fine character-role
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
performance that showed he can do much
more than stammer charmingly.
In short, when writing a role for a star
especially an older starthink character
role but write lead.
THE WHOLE KIT AND
KABOODLE
A good role for a star should exhibit
the whole panorama of human emotions:
cruelty and compassion, tenderness and
humor, self-restraint and impulsiveness,
frustration and triumph, laughter and tears.
The character may be restrained in the way
he expresses these emotions or over-the-
top, but the feelings should always be
boiling below the surface. The characters
must be passionate in pursuit of their goal.
Characters who show courage do this not
by being emotionless but by acting bravely
or selflessly despite fear. The plot must
provide the hero with enough challenges
and conflicts to exhibit these emotions.
Thats where knowing how to structure
your script comes in. In the end, good
story structure is even more important
than dialogue in writing a great screenplay.
Stars realize that its not just the role you
" ] l [ ` n #
write for them that determines the success
of a movie, but also the story as a whole.
So, learn your craft.
Remember that even if your films pro-
tagonist is an anti-hero, he should have at
least some admirable qualities and on some
level the audience must be rooting for him
to succeed.
If you can write a great, sexy rolein the
context of a great storythat a big movie
star is dying to play, you may find your
fledgling screenwriting career will explode
(in a good way).
STATON RABIN is a screenwriter and veteran
script analyst for screenwriters, major agencies, film
studios and scr(i)pt magazine. Her YA novel Betsy
and the Emperor (Simon & Schuster/McElderry
Books; Fall, 2004) is in development as a film with
Al Pacino attached to star, and will be followed by
another novel for Simon & Schuster, Dr. Miracle, in
2005. Ms. Rabin teaches screenwriting at Hudson
Valley Writers Center in Sleepy Hollow, NY, and is a
frequent guest speaker for Mark DeGasperis classes
for screenwriters at The Learning Annex and NYU.
scr(i)pt 63
 " n b _  b c f f  q c n b  c n #
WRITING A THRILLER? BE CRAZY LIKE A FOX
The innocent protagonist who is
chased by armed villains is a classic
convention of the thriller genre.
Are you paranoid enough to write
a thriller?
Y
oure alone, on the run. You cant go
home. Armed bad guys are chasing
you. You cant call the cops. You cant
trust anyone.
No, you havent just signed with the
William Morris office. Youre relating to
the protagonist in a thriller. The inno-
cent-on-the-run type thriller movie genre
has not been a particularly popular in the
last few years. All the more reason, many
would say, to now try one!
Heres how.
Lets start by stating that the single
most overused but under-defined term in
all of Hollywood is the term thriller. This
overusage of the term is because one could
say that any film that has excitement is a
thriller, from High Noon to Alien to The
Matrix: Lactose-Intolerant. After all, they
deliver thrills, right?
But so does a roller-coaster, or tripping
over the dog. So, calling a wide variety of
films thrillers is conversationally accurate.
But were not just making conversation here.
You want to break in, and stay in, as a real
screenwriter. Its important to be very clear-
headed about what goes into a certain genre
and know its parameters and expectations.
Heres how I define todays thriller genre:
An innocent civilian accidentally gets
information or an object that armed bad
guys want. Then he is chased, then outruns,
then outwits the villains.
In other words, a thriller is a fox hunt.
The innocent, average person is the scared
fox; and all the armed villains are the
hounds. To win, the fox doesnt turn and
try to violently fight them. Instead, the fox
runs and uses its wits to survive (triumph).
In a real fox hunt, the fox is innocent,
64 scr(i)pt
by John Hill
scared, quick and chased by dogs that are
trying to catch and kill it. The foxes who
survive do so by being clever (dodging the
hounds by crossing a stream, running to
ground, etc.).
Heres the single biggest dramatic issue
for us as writers to solve if we write a thrill-
er: Why cant the innocent person being
chased just call the police?
Solve that and youve got a really good
thriller. Examples of thrillers over the years
include The Pelican Brief, The Fugitive, The
Firm, Conspiracy Theory, The Client and
Enemy of the State. In previous decades, clas-
sic thrillers include North by Northwest and
Three Days of the Condor.
Wait a minute ... didnt Robert Redford
pick up a gun and use it in Three Days of the
Condor? What about the more recent film
The Bourne Identity with Matt Damon? He
was being chased by armed villainsbut he
knew how to fight back! So maybe its time
to compare the action genre to the thriller.
We start by admitting that in the world of
movies, action means violence.
In an action movie, the protagonist is
usually a trained warrior (a soldier or hero. The bad news, however, is he only
cop as in Rambo or Die Hard). But in the
thriller genre, the hero protagonist is a civil-
ian, an innocent. (Julia Roberts was a law
student in The Pelican Brief; Harrison Ford
was a doctor in The Fugitive, Tom Cruise
was a lawyer in The Firm, etc. None of these
characters are trained warriors.)
In an action genre, the hero reacts proac-
tively to the plot danger by fighting.
In the thriller genre, the hero responds
reactively to the plot danger by running.
In the action genre, the hero outguns
the villains.
In the thriller genre, the hero outwits
the villains.
In the action genre, the hero is a bigger-
than-life character (think: Rambo).
In the thriller genre, the hero is an aver-
age person: you or me.
But thats the power of the thriller: It
is you or I there on the big screenan
average schmo thrown into an extraordi-
nary, scary chase. Thrillers may not offer us
bigger-than-life heroes for the big screen,
but they do offer relatability. Many mov-
ies offer big-screen (bigger-than-life) heroes
and heroines in extraordinary life-and-death
circumstances (superheroes, Ah-nuld, etc.).
But with a thriller, you get to relate to the
brings average gifts to the story; this kind
of protagonist doesnt know how to use fire-
arms or how to leap into the air in a karate
scriptmag.com

kick, then slowly freeze, spin in the air, then
kick someone through a brick wall.
The good news is the hero can be scared
and confused, show more emotion, make
mistakes and show real humanity, reacting
like the people in the theater would.
However, the final, very real challenge to
the screenwriter is that this average-person-
turned-movie-protagonist also has to ulti-
mately be heroic ... and triumph! He has to
find new brains and guts he never thought
he possessed; and he, in fact, has to emerge
alive and victorious at the end.
He must be averageand then he must
win! Thats a hard feeling to have some-
times; hence, the classic popularity of an
average person plunged into a fast-paced
nightmare.
Here are more patterns and charac-
teristics (requirements) of thrillers, in no
particular order:
A Slower Start: Other genres put the pro-
tagonist into the plot faster than a thriller.
Generally, hero meets plot by page 15, but
todays thrillers? It is the end of Act One
(pages 30 to 35), with growing suspense,
before the protagonists fully understand how
dangerous their situations are; in The Firm
and Enemy of the State, they are even at the
mid-point (pages 55 to 60) before they are
fully aware that this is life and death!
The First Death: Someone close to the
protagonist dies early in the story, triggering
the protagonist into a higher level of realiza-
tion about the seriousness of it all. Examples
include Sam Shepard in The Pelican Brief;
the lawyers on the boat in The Firm; the
bird watcher in Enemy of the State.
Separation Anxiety: Systematic divest-
ment of everything connecting the hero
to his normal life: he cant go home, go to
work, use his credit cards, go to his friends
or family, etc. Past a certain point, the
protagonist cant do what we average folk
really would do 99.9 percent of the time:
Call the cops!
This escalation of wedges between his
old, safe life and the new, frightening fox
hunt creates a total modern nightmare:
alone in the world, cant trust anyone,
being chased. In every single thriller, this
convention is a requirement of the genre:
from North by Northwest to Three Days of
the Condor to the more recent The Fugitive,
The Firm, The Pelican Brief, The Client,
Enemy of the State, etc.
Past Infidelity: The bad guys some-
times find proof of, or cause to occur, the
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
"nb_bcffqcnbcn#
heros infidelity, something with which hes
threatened and knows is hanging over the
head of his marriage. In thrillers, our worst
fears in daily life come true: She finds
outfurther driving a wedge between him
and his wife and alienating him from
everything he values and needs (The Firm
and Enemy of the State). (Note: Heroes
in thrillers also need really understanding
wives to forgive them.)
The New Partner: Once the protago-
nist in a thriller has nowhere to turn, no
one in his old life he can trust, he makes
a new partner who is sometimes tangen-
tially connected to the plot and can be a
member of the opposite sex, too: The Firms
Holly Hunter; Enemy of the States Gene
Hackman; The Clients Susan Sarandon;
Conspiracy Theorys Julia Roberts; The Pelican
Briefs Denzel Washington; Three Days of the
Condors Faye Dunaway; North by Northwests
Eva Marie Saint.
The Worm Turns: The hero is scared,
confused, afraid and on the run, chased by
bad guysthen he stops at the end of Act
Two and fights back, by first making The
Plan. (What Plan?)
The Plan: At the halfway point of the
movie or even at the end of Act Two (page
85), the scared, running protagonist finally
becomes proactive about his problem, not
just reactive as hes been thus far. The audi-
ence only gets to know and see some, not
all, of his plan as it is being set up, which
is fun and exciting. Then we are surprised
and delighted with how the hero tricks the
bad guys at the end with some (surprise to
us) great plan.
Using Previous Smarts: This is where
the protagonist uses something organic to
his background or career, turning it into a
weapon against the villain. The hero uses
his own real strengths to then go after the
bad guys. (In The Firm, Tom Cruise sets
up a legal situation at the end to keep him
safe from the Mafia and also not be arrest-
ed; in Enemy of the State, Will Smith takes
the National Security Agency bad guys to
his earlier work problem, the Mafia guy,
where they all shoot it out; in The Fugitive,
Harrison Ford returns to his medical prac-
tice to solve the problem of who set him
up; Robert Redford in Three Days of the
Condor used his usual background reading
to do the phone company trick.)
Why Not Just Call The Cops?: Answer
that one, always. But all it takes is some
government official or rich villain who
scr(i)pt 65
" n b _  b c f f  q c n b  c n #
might bribe cops or anyone else. Then, you
cant trust the cops!
Opponent Turns Friend: One of the
JUNIPER villains henchmen can turn into a friend
towards the end of the story and help the
SUMMER hero. (The Firms Gene Hackman; North
by Northwests Eva Marie Saint; Three Days
WRITING of the Condors Max Von Sydow, the hired
assassin trying to kill our hero, Redford,
INSTITUTE until the very end when the killings are
over and he has this great throw-away
line to Redford: May I offer you a lift
into town?)
Notice how our examination has revealed
University of that the thriller genre has a looser range of
Massachusetts requirements and genre expectations than
Amherst other genres.
June 13-18, 2004 The important thing is the fox hunt/
paranoia nature of the innocent person on
the run who has possession of an object or
Fiction * Poetry * knowledge that armed bad guys want.
Screenwriting * But there are many differences between
Writing for Children thriler movies, too; and I suggest we roll
with these instead of trying to pin down
Six days of writing workshops,
requirements that are too precise. For
craft forums, readings and
example, the Will Smith character in
manuscript consultation in the
Enemy of the State finally starts to fight
beautiful Pioneer Valley.
back at the end of Act Two, but then
Grace Paley the protagonism is shared, almost handed
James Tate over to Gene Hackman; not so with other
thrillers. Robert Redford uses a gun in
Dara Wier Three Days of the Condor. But overwhelm-
Matthew Zapruder ingly, in that same movie, and in almost
Noy Holland all other thrillers, the hero uses his previ-
Peter Gizzi ous smarts to outwit not actually shoot
the villains. One could sort out other dif-
Sabina Murray ferences within these movies, but I suggest
Chris Keane focusing on the similarities for practical
Matthew Rohrer use in trying to write a successful contem-
Lesla Newman porary thriller script.
So, now that you have a list of expec-
Christine Schutt tations and parameters, what else do you
Dawn Raffel need? You need all the aspects of a really
Mira Bartk good spec screenplay youd normally need
The Eric Carle Museum anyway but factoring in the nature of the
thriller genre: very likable main characters
of Picture Book Art and great structure.
Scholarships available. You still need a high concept, very com-
mercial, one-sentence plot. A high concept
Applications accepted
Jan. 1-April 30, 2004 idea is one that can be stated compel-
lingly in 25 words or less and sound like
www.umass.edu/ an oh-wow, must-see-now, fantastic idea
juniperinstitute to the savvy Hollywood buyers ear for the
juniperinstitute@hfa.umass.edu intended target audience, a premise that
413-545-5510 implicitly acknowledgesand solvesthe
studios marketing challenge. It needs to be
big and imaginative, but simple. William
Goldman says a good idea for a movie
66 scr(i)pt
is when you can yell the plot to a buddy
across a parking lot.
But with thrillers? Yes, a high concept
is still neededeven with the very com-
mercial nature of the genre itself. Why?
Because many are based upon novels or
made because of someones clout. The
scripts of interest to us are the ones we
write and create ourselves, on spec.
Conspiracy Theory was a spec with a
great premise. What if a marginally sta-
ble cab driver/conspiracy buff accidentally
published a correct, way-out theoryand
government black ops men tried to kill
him? Enemy of the State had a great, fresh
plot gimmick going for itnot by what
the innocent protagonist had or saw, but
how the chase was done. A lawyer, with
evidence of a murder, is electronically
buggedthen hunted by NSA agents
who can track him anywhere, even by
satellite. (We were treated to great, high-
tech, see-through-walls surveillance of the
hero on the run!)
Youve still got to be very clever with
your plot; dont count on the running,
hiding and chasing to be enough. To try
to write a thriller, ask yourself: What is
something that, if the average person had
it, would cause major bad guys to try to
kill him? Or, what could you alone find out
that would cause that reaction in powerful
villains? They must be so powerful and
scary that the person with the object or
information is quickly separated from his
own life and cant call the cops.
In other words, a thriller is an exercise
in perfect paranoia. Welcome to the 21st
century. Now go write a fox hunt with you
as the fox.
JOHN HILL began writing as a profession-
al screenwriter over 25 years ago. His cred-
its include Griffin and Phoenix (1976) and
Heartbeeps (1981). He was also a co-writer on
Little Nikita (1989) and Quigley Down Under
(1990) with Tom Selleck. He has worked on staff
as a writer-producer for Quantum Leap and L.A.
Law. He won an Emmy for his work on L.A.
Law. From 1989 through 1996, he sold three
spec feature scripts in three different genres.
One-on-one mentoring in screenwriting is avail-
able. He may be reached at: (702) 433.6772 or
Hillwithit@aol.com
scriptmag.com
1.800.611.FILM WWW.NYFA.COM
1 YEAR PROGRAMS
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Producing Animation & Special Effects
r
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eA SUMMER & YEAR ROUND
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" ^ _ p _ f i j g _ h n #
Now
What?
Headlines in Daily Variety and The Hollywood Reporter will confirm the fact that you can make a fortune writing screenplays.
The ensuing articles (usually glorified press releases written by overzealous publicists) make it all seem so easy. But as many
of you know, it isnt.
ortunately, times have changed in
Hollywood. There are lots of ways
for screenwriters to get noticed. It
used to be that they had to query every
appropriate agent in town, hope to get
noticed and pray that an agent would be
enthusiastic enough to sign them. But
with the advent of managers/producers and
management/production companiesnot
to mention an ongoing array of hungry
producerswriters have a multitude of
options.
Just last week an agent complained to me
that he was anxious to find some hot, new
screenwriting talent. He said that it has been
a difficult search because the queries that
come into his agency have decreased. I, like
most other producers, am always looking for
the next great screenplay. So why is it that
with all of those hungry agents and produc-
ers out there, many writers cant seem to get
their screenplays into the right hands?
EVERYBODY AND HIS UNCLE
I blame part of this problem on the
media. The general public has become
much savvier about the entertainment
business. A lot of non-industry folks have
started tracking movie grosses and reading
about screenplay sales. More than ever, the
68 scr(i)pt
BY GRAHAM LUDLOW
movie business somehow retains a glamor-
ous allure. People think that you can go to
Hollywood without much of an education
and become rich. So, it makes sense that
more and more people are going to want
to try to get into the entertainment busi-
ness. Screenwriting is one of the few jobs
in Hollywood that can be tackled from afar.
For example, Ive worked in Los Angeles
with screenwriters who live in England,
Canada and Germany. There are also many
East Coast screenwriters, but often they
come to L.A. for part of the year or
when needed. Strangely, my own adaptation
of Jack Londons The Call of the Wild was
produced and shot in Quebec several years
ago. I never left L.A. and performed all of
my screenwriting services over the telephone
or via the Internet.
Unfortunately, with all of the new folks
who want to take a stab at screenwriting,
overall quality has definitely suffered. In
days gone by, one wouldnt think of saying
that one was a screenwriter without a college
education. But with all of the how to write
a screenplay books out there, it appears
that the only other tool that you need to
become a screenwriter is a computer. At
least thats the theory. So everybody and his
uncle wants to give it a shot.
PRODUCER PET PEEVES
Not everybody has access to a fancy col-
lege education. Im not suggesting that it is
a prerequisite for being a screenwriter. But if
I were going to send a screenplay to some-
body in Hollywood, I would make darned
sure that (at the very least) I had checked
and rechecked my spelling and grammar.
Sadly, not everybody seems to feel that this
is necessary. As a producer, all I can say is
that if I read a script and there are typos on
the first page, chances are that I am going
to be annoyed. Not only am I going to be
annoyed, but chances are that I am also
going to immediately judge the material
and the writer as unprofessional. Once in
a great while, a concept or story is so good
that I can get past my annoyance but
why would you want to risk somebody
rejecting your story because your script is
full of typos and grammatical errors?
I strongly suggest that screenwriters who
are not adept at typing, spelling and gram-
mar develop a network of friends, relatives
and cohorts who are. If you cant get some-
body you know to go over your screen-
play for free, then pay somebody! I cannot
emphasize how important it is for you to
put your best foot forward.
I have a second pet peeve as a producer.
scriptmag.com

PAGE 68: Producer-screenwriter Graham Ludlow ABOVE: Jim Carrey as Fletcher Reede and Jennifer
Tilly as Samantha Cole in Liar Liar, written by Paul Guay & Stephen Mazur
If you are going to spend the time and
the energy to write a screenplay, please
investigate the format. Screenwriting pro-
grams usually run several hundred dollars.
They can guide you. However, I think it is
extremely important for every screenwriter
to actually have some real scripts to use as a
reference. Most university film departments
will have sample screenplays on file, so if
you cant find a script any other way, this is
usually a safe bet.
GETTING THROUGH THE
DOOR
Beyond these pet peeves, lets now assume
that you have written a screenplay that
is impeccably formatted and contains no
typos, spelling mistakes or grammatical
errors. Lets also assume that you dont have
an agent or a manager. How are you going
to get your creation sold or (at the very
least) noticed?
A lot of screenwriters have been discov-
ered as a result of entering a screenplay
competition (or two). I write a monthly col-
umn for Moviebytes.com devoted entirely
to screenwriters, and that site offers a com-
prehensive list of almost every screenplay
competition known to man. Other publica-
tions that are devoted to screenwriting track
particular screenwriting competitions. But
because there are now so many out there,
you have to be a little bit careful. Look
for the competitions that have developed
a solid reputation. Ive heard some horror
stories about upstart production companies
that try to make money from screenwriters
by advertising ongoing screenplay competi-
tions. Do your research, folks. Dont be lazy.
There are some swindlers, but there are also
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" ^ _ p _ f i j g _ h n #
some wonderful opportunities. Winning the
right screenplay competition can jumpstart
your career.
Pitch festivals are a way to meet people
and to get your script into the hands of
managers, agents, producers and production
entities. As a producer, I attend as many of
these as I can. For those of you who have
not attended, I can tell you that it is an eye-
opening experience. Again, I think that the
mistake people make is rushing to a pitch
festival the minute they have completed their
first screenplay. Since you typically have five
minutes with each entity, this is not a wise
decision. What happens if they dont like
the concept of your one movie? What are
you going to talk about for the next four-
and-a-half minutes? Im always impressed
when a writer can pitch other things if I
dont respond to the first pitch. I also prefer
to be given a one-page synopsis of a pitch
that I like. This should be followed up with
a polite e-mail several days later. Dont take
your screenplay to the pitch session. You
want people to be sold on the story and the
concept and to request the screenplay once
theyve had a chance to digest it. Give them
an opportunity to recover from the bom-
bardment of ideas that is part and parcel of
attending a pitch festival.
Remember that with the increase in
management/production companies, there
are always folks out there ready to be
approached by less-experienced screenwrit-
ers who may have a solid concept and
screenplay. These entities realize that newer
writers often lack the connections to submit
material through the proper channels. Many
such companies encourage e-mail queries
and advertise on the Web. For example,
scr(i)pt 69
"^_p_fijg_hn#
Moviebytes.com dedicates a whole sec-
tion of its site to Writers Wanted and
works with production companies and
management companies to help them
tailor their individual postings to fit their
individual needs.
Inktip.com also helps producers find
material and helps writers find a home for
their scripts. A producer can search the site
by genre or even by the experience level of
the screenwriter. Producers and production
entities can also post listings on the site.
For example, I could say that Im looking
for a contemporary thriller; and I only
want submissions from represented writers.
This posting would then be sent out with
my e-mail address, and the submission
madness would begin.
Scriptforsale.com is another popular site
and is easy to navigate. There are probably
other reputable sites to explore, but these
are the ones I know.
THE ART OF THE QUERY
I strongly suggest that you do not query
a company with a new listing on any site.
Thats what everybody does. Having been
on the receiving end, I know how insane
those first few days can be. We were flood-
ed with e-mail queries from our last post-
ingwe received more than 1,000 queries
in the first two days. It was a lot of work.
Unfortunately, one cannot respond to every
query. There simply arent enough hours in
the day! However, a week later the flurry
of activity had subsided. The submissions
that we received at that time were given
more attention, and in most cases we tried
to respond to them even if it was only
to say that the project wasnt quite what we
were looking for.
A catchy logline is an extremely valuable
tool. When Im looking at e-mail queries, it
is the logline of the movie that I read first.
So, for those who are not adept at creating
loglines, get some help! Make your logline
one sentence. It should be simple, cohesive
and explain the basic premise of the whole
movie. For example, the logline for Liar
Liar might be: A lawyer suddenly discovers
that he can no longer lie.
I think that it is also helpful to tell people
into what genre your script falls. Its impor-
tant to know what producers are looking
for. I typically look for comedies (teen
comedies, romantic comedies and broad
comedies), thrillers and high-concept action
movies, as well as adventure stories that
70 scr(i)pt
may have some kind of romantic element
(like Indiana Jones or The Mummy). I also
like horror and sci-fi (or a combination of
the two). Dramas are more difficult. I am
not a big fan of the Western, but dont let
that stop you from writing one.
Doing a bit of research on the company
that you are querying may or may not be
helpful. But going by credits alone is not a
good idea. Companies change, employees
come and go and corporate mandates soften.
The best way to find out if your story is of
interest to somebody is to send a query.
Now, lets be realistic about queries.
Chances are that a low-level person is going
to be handling e-mail submissions at a large
company. Companies like mine, which con-
sist of (primarily) me and a development
person are more likely to be responding
to your query directly. Again, if you dont
hear back from somebody, assume that he
is not interested in your story. Dont pester
him. If you are lucky enough to actually get
a response, be happy. If the response is a
rejection, dont get angry. I recently received
a ridiculous e-mail. This particular writer
had sent me an interesting premise. When I
asked to see the synopsis, I realized that the
reveal in his story was implausible. However,
I thought that he could write well, and I
encouraged him to send something else.
He was so put out that I hadnt even read
his script that he told me he wasnt going
to send me anything else. I had to bite my
tongue because I found the whole situation
amusing and ludicrous. Anyway, I guess he
showed me, didnt he?
THE NEXT STEP
If somebody responds to your logline, you
should have a short synopsis ready to send
as a next step. I like to see a one-paragraph
synopsis and a more detailed one-page syn-
opsis. I usually request both. Its best to
copy and paste your synopsis into the body
of your e-mail versus attaching it as a sepa-
rate document. Many people will not even
open e-mails that contain attachments. Can
you blame them? Why risk getting a virus?
Im surprised that so many writers havent
figured this out.
At this stage, I am usually able to deter-
mine if a story interests me. Bear in mind
that, so far, none of this has had anything to
do with screenwriting ability. Instead, it has
had everything to do with the actual story.
If Im interested, I will request a copy of
the screenplay. If the writer isnt represented
scriptmag.com

(by an attorney, manager or agent), I will
e-mail a release form. This release is my
protection. In order for an independent
producer (like me) to read something from
a writer who is not represented, the writer
must be prepared to sign one and mail it
back with the script.
By the way, a lot of producers prefer hard
copies of the screenplay to be snail-mailed
versus receiving a file through the Internet.
That is because most people prefer the
mobility that a screenplay allows the reader
to maintain. Many of us spend day after day
in front of our computer screens and would
like to be able to read somewhere else.
THE FOLLOW-UP QUESTION
How long do you wait before following
up? This is a tricky question with no right
answer. Everybody handles business differ-
ently. Some people read 10 pages of a script;
and, if it doesnt excite them, they throw it
out. Some people read quickly and respond.
Some people are slow readers, and it may
take weeks before you hear back from them.
Everybody is different. I try to respond in a
timely manner. But not everybody is like me.
If you havent heard back from somebody
within a couple of months, I think that you
are entitled to follow up and find out the
status of your submission. Be prepared for
every eventuality. You may get a rejection.
You may hear that the script hasnt been read
yet, or you may even hear that it was lost on
an airplane by the development executive.
The latter may necessitate the resending of
the script. Id probably be too annoyed to
start the process again but thats just me.
THE DEAL
Then theres the day that you get a call
from a producer who tells you that he
likes your screenplay. Generally, these calls
are coming from a producer like me who
doesnt have a deal at a studio. In many
instances, the producer may be looking to
make a few adjustments to your screenplay.
If the notes make sense to you, I would
do them. A manager (who can also be a
producer) is likely to make the same sort of
request. Typically, agents either like some-
thing or they dont.
A producer who wants to work with
you on your screenplay may also want
you to sign a piece of paper that gives
him an exclusive option or hold on your
material. An option is not binding unless
money exchanges hands (the option could
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" ^ _ p _ f i j g _ h n #
be for only $1). Other agreements to shop
material are not considered binding by the
WGA; but, if the company you are dealing
with is not signatory to the Guild and you
are not in the Guild, it will suffice because
these sorts of agreements fall outside the
Guilds jurisdiction.
If the requested exclusive period doesnt
seem outrageous (six months to a year), and
you feel comfortable with this producer, you
should sign the agreement. It would be nice if
you could get an option fee. However, in this
highly competitive marketplace, options are
hard to come by. So, if you find a hard-work-
ing producer that you believe will put energy
into selling your project, go for it! Trust me,
a smart producer can often be more creative
about finding the best way to sell a screenplay
than an agent can be. Usually, agents are too
busy. Ive heard many a writer bemoan the
fact that his agent sent his last script to 10
companies; and when it didnt sell right away,
the agent lost his enthusiasm.
With all of this information in mind,
dont feel that your options are limited once
you have a solid screenplay completed.
Knowledge is power, right? I feel certain
that Im not the only producer out there
who is frustrated by the lack of quality
scripts I receive from agents. Todays strug-
gling producerwho has not yet made a
studio blockbusterhas to be extremely
creative about finding good material. So do
us a favor and seek us out with that next
great screenplay.
GRAHAM LUDLOW is currently adapting
the Canadian novel Tracing Iris for Yaletown
Entertainment in Vancouver. He most recently
adapted the childrens novel The House With a
Clock In Its Walls for producer Dieter Geissler
(The Neverending Story). His adaptation of Jack
Londons The Call of the Wild, which starred
Rutger Hauer and was narrated by Richard
Dreyfuss, received critical acclaim. He recently
co-created an animated seriesParty Girls
which has been optioned by Klasky/Csupo (The
Rugrats). He produced the highly rated CBS
television movie Anyas Bell (winner of the
Schepens Eye Research Institutes Vision Award
and nominated for a Humanitas Award), which
starred Della Reese and is producing the upcom-
ing Sandra Bullock feature Rich Deceiver (based
upon the BBC miniseries) at Fox 2000. He writes
a monthly column for Moviebytes.com on his
screenwriting escapades. You may query Colossal
Entertainment by e-mailing John Fordham,
Director of Development, at: clsslent@aol.com
scr(i)pt 71
 dapting Adaptation Process
to the
by Joel Haber
T
he process of adapting another
authors work into a film can be
one of the most challenging tasks
a screenwriter will face. But, it also often
turns out to be one of the more creative-
When Im offered ly rewarding and lucrative ones. So while
William Goldmans two questions should
a piece of work to precede most attempts at adaptation,
this article looks at how a writer should
adapt the first approach the task once he finds the answer
to both of those questions is yes.
thing I ask is, Do I One of the more intriguing screenplays
of the past few years is Charlie Kaufmans
really love this? The Adaptation, largely due to its examination of
the screenwriting process in general and the
second question is, adaptation process in particular. At various
points and on differing levels, the film can
Can I make it play? be seen as addressing no less than four dif-
ferent adaptationschronologically: Susan
Orleans adaptation of John Laroches story
William Goldman into an article; her adaptation of her own
article into a book; the character Kaufmans
attempt to adapt the book as a screenplay;
and lastly, actual screenwriter Kaufmans
adaptation of his real-life struggles into the
72 scr(i)pt
film we watch. Thus, the film simultaneous-
ly is an adaptation and is about adaptation.
An examination of the screenplay highlights
some of the challenges and issues involved
in the adaptation process.
Kaufmans Adaptation script becomes
particularly relevant once we recognize how
prevalent adaptations are in todays film
market. Such films take a variety of forms.
Admittedly, the Academys definition of
adaptations is sometimes rather inscrutable
(Calling O Brother, Where Art Thou? an adap-
tation of Ulysses is definitely a stretch, though
it was clearly inspired by Joyces work.); but
it generally uses somewhat strict definitions
of what it considers a screenplay adapted
from another source. A broader definition
of adaptation, however, would encompass a
large percentage of the films released each
year. A quick glance at Hollywood releases
over the past year show films adapted from
TV series, previously released feature films
(remakes), short films, comic books, maga-
zine and newspaper articles, books, short sto-
ries, stage plays, videogames and real life. This
scriptmag.com

past summers hit Pirates of the Caribbean was
an adaptation of a theme park ride. In fact,
one of the more peculiar deals of the past
year involved the purchase of rights to adapt
a pop song (Avril Lavignes Sk8er Boi) into material. However, this may not be the wisest
a feature.
A SKILL ANY SCREENWRITER
SHOULD HAVE
In its broadest definition, in fact, nearly
every film Hollywood produces may be
seen as an adaptation of sorts. Almost every
screenplay that studios buy goes through
at least one rewrite during development.
Many of these are rewritten by screenwriters
other than those with whom the material
originated. Thus, the rewriters are actually
engaged in the process of adapting a screen-
play from a screenplay. The process remains
essentially the same whether one is adapting
a script from a novel or from some other
written source.
Clearly, it would therefore behoove any
screenwriter to become adept at adapting.
Still, the likelihood of an aspiring or new
screenwriters having an opportunity to write
a film adaptation is, of course, unlikely.
Rights to source material can be prohibi-
tively expensive, and most people would
consider it somewhat foolish to write such
a script on spec. Similarly, few studios will
hire an unproven, first-time writer to adapt
a novel other than one he wrote. So how
should the beginning screenwriter practice
what could eventually become one of his
most lucrative skills?
Luckily, you have multiple opportunities to
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
begin adapting your skills to the adaptation
process. For example, people sometimes write
script adaptations to use as writing samples
even without holding the rights to the source
idea as writing samples do occasionally get
picked up for production (e.g. Kaufmans first
produced screenplay, Being John Malkovich).
Thus, if your script is that good, a produc-
tion company could be disappointed when
it learns it is actually unavailable. What are
your other options?
ADAPTATION OPTIONS
Many older books currently reside in the
public domain, and thus one does not need
to buy rights to sell a screenplay based upon
one of them. If youve got an idea for an
action picture based upon Beowulf, go ahead
and write it. Writing a biopic is another
good option requiring one to examine a
persons life, find its core and alter the life
story when necessary. On a microcosmic
level, this process virtually duplicates that
of the adaptation process overall. Similarly,
screenplays based upon actual historical
events (as opposed to contemporary stories,
which may require rights agreements) usu-
ally offer solid opportunities to write adap-
tations without expensive rights purchases.
Finally, get to know other young writers,
particularly playwrights. There are many
small-scale plays written each year, and some
of them could form solid source material
for screenplays. Less established playwrights
may be more willing to negotiate a rights
deal for little or no money up front in
" ] l [ ` n #
exchange for the opportunity to have entry
into the world of film. Such a process could
even mark the dawn of a healthy and pro-
ductive working relationship.
THE JOURNEY
So, now youve chosen the source mate-
rial. What is the best method by which to
embark upon the journey of adaptation?
In many ways, the process parallels the
screenwriting process overall, but there are
some specific and important differences that
make adapting unique. Naturally, the most
important question one must ask with any
script is, What is this film really about?
However, though any screenwriter must ask
this question about any project on which he
is working, in an adaptation the question
takes a different form. Generally, a screen-
writer starts from an idea and builds the
story around it. In an adaptation, however,
you start from a story and must dig into it
to find the idea that lies at its center. The
question in an adaptation becomes, What
is the core idea of this story?
In Adaptation, the Charlie Kaufman char-
acter spends a lot of time researching as
he struggles with the screenplay, trying to
learn as much as possible about orchids.
He sees orchids as central to the story; they
are what lie at the core of Orleans book.
Uniquely, in the world of adapted screen-
plays, he concludes that the only way to
stay true to the core idea of the book is to
actually abandon the source materials story.
The screenplay mentions that the key to
what makes orchids special is evolution
scr(i)pt 73
" ] l [ ` n #
Rather than developing ideas of
your own, putting them on cards
and then arranging them, the
adapter pulls the story apart,
removing the order in which it
is currently told and then puts
them on cards to reorder them.
and adaptation. So Kaufman changes the
screenplay of the film he is writing, adapt-
ing it to the Hollywood medium in which
the film is to operate. Screenwriter Kaufman
created a fictional character in Donald and
tacked on such glaringly artificial elements
as drugs, illicit romance, pornography, stake-
outs, car chases, murders and, most notice-
ably, Robert McKees big no-no: a deus ex
machina. Tongue firmly in cheek, Kaufman
adapted his source material to its medium
and market.
Hopefully, when faced with a property
you intend to adapt as a screenplay, youll
have an easier time finding the core idea
than Kaufman did with The Orchid Thief.
But in doing so, you must be as coura-
geous and true to that core concept as he
was. Once youve identified that key idea,
it will guide every other decision you make
throughout the writing process. You may
encounter the need to change certain ele-
ments, leave scenes or characters out, com-
bine or rearrange parts of the film or insert
new ones. But as long as you do so in ser-
vice of that core concept rather than holding
on to a less essential piece of the story, you
will be doing your job as an adapter.
THE BREAKDOWN
What, then, should your next step be? The
best is to break down what you have into its
component parts. Most sourceswhether
real-life events, stageplays or bookswill
be built of interwoven strands. There may
be flashbacks and/or parallel action. Minor
characters, subplots and Red Herrings all
might interfere with a clear picture of the
main storyline. Start by unraveling these
multiple strands. One way to do this is to
take each individual character, even the more
minor ones, and write every scene or event
in which he is involved, even marginally.
Also, write what each character does in each
scene. Put all the scenes in chronological
order, making parallel lines of events for each
individual character. You might even want
to assign to any given scene some specific
74 scr(i)pt
lines of dialogue, quotes or actions from
the source material. Outside information
from research might also find its way onto
these timelines. You will eventually have
built a series of character arcs and points
where the characters arcs intersect. But,
you will see them clearly from beginning to
end without all the static surrounding the
source material.
As in finding the core idea of the piece,
this action also mimics, with alteration, a
task of most screenwriters. Many writers
like to work with index cards, assigning
each individual scene its own index card
then moving the cards around at will to see
which arrangement works best for the film.
In essence, thats what youre doing here, as
well; but, again, the direction is opposite of
what most writers are doing. Rather than
developing ideas of your own, putting them
on cards and then arranging them, the
adapter pulls the story apart, removing the
order in which it is currently told and then
puts the ideas on cards to reorder them. Of
course, there is no reason to avoid putting
them back in the same general order as they
existed in the source material. But, by pull-
ing the storylines apart, you give yourself
implicit permission to rearrange them in
any way the script demands.
THE ART OF OMISSION
Most source materials (with the excep-
tions of stageplays, magazine articles or
comic books) are much broader in scope
and significantly longer than the average
feature film. Thus, one of the most impor-
tant decisions an adapter makes is what to
cut out. Part of this job may be easy. For
example, you might find pages of internal
thought in a book that youll distill into
a single action or line of dialogue. Other
times you might be able to lop off an
entire section of the book. Goldman did
so famously in his adaptation of his own
novel The Marathon Man when a major
plot twist of the book was unfilmable. The
novel Six Days of the Condor was tightened
enough to make the film version into
Three Days of the Condor.
Sometimes, however, cutting becomes
more difficult. Most writers, at times, hesi-
tate to remove a favorite scene from their
own writing, even if it hurts the piece
overall. Alternatively, a certain line of dia-
logue might be so witty that we ignore the
fact that it distracts from the overall tone
of the film. We all know that, as Faulkner
exhorted us, we must kill our darlings
when we write. But as difficult as it may
be to kill ones own darlings, it can be
even more difficult to kill someone elses,
namely the author of the source material.
In Adaptation, when Donald tells Charlie
to make something up, Charlie responds
that he doesnt want to because of his
responsibility to Orlean, the author.
The bottom line when evaluating whether
to hold on to some element must remain,
Does it work for the film? Should you
worry about alienating the fans of the source
material by leaving out a popular element?
That decision depends entirely upon the
size of this built-in audience. In only the
rarest of adaptations (notably the Tolkien
trilogy, of late) is the core fan base large
enough to constitute a significant portion
of the films audience. Unless the fan base
is that sizable, you cannot afford to please
them at the expense of losing the even
larger film audience. Truth be told, if you
did your job correctly and remained true
to the core idea of the piece, the fans will
usually appreciate and accept the changes
you made anyway. There is always a specific
reason you are adapting from this source
in particular. Otherwise, youd be starting
a script from scratch. In most cases, the
element you hesitate to cut out is not the
reason you are writing the piece. Therefore,
it is expendable. As Adaptations Charlie
Kaufman character imagines Orlean saying
to him, Just whittle it down. Find the one
thing you care about and write about that.
WHAT ISNT THERE
Beyond determining what to cut out of
the source material, at times even more
difficult is determining what you should
add. Still, this decision is also potentially
the most creatively rewarding part of the
process. While most of the material in your
screenplay will come from the source mate-
rial, some will inevitably find its genesis in
your own creative mind. Film adaptations
often add new characters, plot points, sub-
plots, love interests or locations. There is a
significant amount of room for this when
the source material is sparser, as in the adap-
tation of a stageplay or magazine article.
Whoever is hired to adapt Sk8er Boi will
not even need to give a second thought to
inventing characters or scenes not found
in the source. There are almost no details
in the source! Whatever you add, however,
make sure it improves what is already there.
scriptmag.com
 " ] l [ ` n #
Maybe you want to add a foil character that the worst justifications a writer can use is, to not write the script at all. Remember
is missing in the source. Or perhaps you But thats how it happened! Who cares? Goldmans second question when consider-
feel a character needs better motivation or Lots of things happen in boring ways every ing an adaptation: Can I make it play? If
you want to make a characters traits more day. That doesnt mean anyone wants to not, drop it and look to a different source.
visual. You might merely need to flesh out part with $10 to watch them play out Thus, the adaptation process really boils
a thinly plotted source. These are all pos- onscreen. Minor changes in biopics are per- down to four main questions: What is the
sible benefits to adding new material into fectly acceptable and are even expected. If core idea of the property? What should I
your script. You dont have to go as far as your property calls for more fundamental cut out? What should I add? How should I
Kaufman did in creating his own imaginary changes to the truth, you have two options. change the source material to make a stron-
twin brother as a foil, but remember that One is to change enough details that your ger film? In fact, any screenwriter would
you have free reign as long as it works and story is merely inspired by reality. Change be wise to apply these same questions to the
helps make the film stronger. the names and you have a great story that editing and rewriting of his own screenplay.
A similar but different question to ask is, just resembles a true story. Theres no rea- If we can divorce ourselves from our own
How can I improve the story? Examine son to avoid these changes unless there is material enough to feel as if we were adapt-
the source material with a critical eye. What enough of a built-in audience that wants to ing and rewriting someone elses script, well
doesnt work? How can I make it stron- see the actual story. be better equipped to edit with the harsh
ger? The possibilities are virtually endless. There are plenty of films loosely based and open-minded judgment that such a task
Ask, What if? and see where the answer upon real life. Almost Famous is a good, truly requires.
takes you. What if this character were a recent example. In fact, there are those
girl instead of a boy? This alone may be who believe a film such as A Beautiful JOEL HABER is a professional script analyst, and has
enough to change a derivative tale into an Mind departed so far from reality, it would
read for mini-majors, smaller production companies,
original one. What if we set it in a differ- have been better off changing the names
agencies and screenplay competitions. With nearly
ent city? The book High Fidelity was set of its central characters. Its hard to argue
a decade of film industry experience and an MA in
in London, not in Chicago as was the film with Oscar, but the film could have been
version. What if we retold the story in a just as strong and perhaps even more prof- Media Studies, he is a recent NYC to L.A .transplant,
contemporary setting? Look at the results in itable if it had been more fictionalized. allowing him to focus more on writing screenplays.
such films as West Side Story, Clueless or 10 Your second option when a true story He may be contacted for script consulting services at
Things I Hate About You. There is a reason requires fundamental changes is, of course, JoelHaber@yahoo.com
you are adapting this source material, and
that reason is not in the details but in the
concept. No producer will buy a book with
great dialogue but a boring and unimagina-
tive story. If, however, a property has poor
dialogue and one-dimensional characters but
a solidly inventive plot, a good adapter can
lay better characters on top of that plot and
have them speak unique and believable dia-
logue. Remember the old adage: Hollywood
makes great movies out of bad books.
An often effective adjustment is the com-
bination of minor characters. Particularly in
a smaller film, having too many minor char-
acters can distract the audience though they
might have been able to follow them during
the more leisurely pace of reading a book. By
combining characters you can often tighten
your plot and make it stronger overall. An
added benefit is that you lower the budget
master of fine arts in creative writing
of the film, often a plus for cost-conscious intensive residency program
studios and production companies.
M.F.A. in Creative Writing
NOTHING LIKE THE Paul Selig, Program Director
REAL THING
Lastly, what about biopics and adapta-
tions of other real-life occurrences? Should
MFAW/SC
we be more careful not to change things too
much? Do we have more of a responsibil-
ity to accuracy? Perhaps a bit, but one of

(2004) MARCH/APRIL scr(i)pt 75

 " g _ _ n  n b _  l _ [ ^ _ l #
CONVENTIONAL CLICHSPART THREE
For the past two issues, we have been examining the conventions and clichs of the major screenwriting genres. We
defined a convention as being an element (a concept, character, structure or plot twist) essential to a specific genre
and a clich as being a way of implementing a convention that has gone stale. We began the series with Drama and
then moved on to Comedy. In this issue, well continue with
MYSTERY, THRILLER,
ADVENTURE AND ACTION
Although these are four separate genres,
they are often lumped together by audi-
ences, critics and even screenwriters them-
selves. Its easy to understand why. As
distinct as the genres are, they have many
conventions in common, and, as a result,
many clichs as well. To conduct our sur-
vey, well start by examining each genres
individual conventions and then take a
look at the common clichs.
Conventions:
Mystery (Murder on the Orient Express,
the Sherlock Holmes stories, etc.): A mys-
tery is a story in which the protagonist
(often an eccentric character with amazing
powers of observation and deduction) tries
to get to the bottom of a puzzling situa-
tion, which often involves trying to figure
out who committed a particular crime
usually a theft or a murder. Such stories
are often set in a single, remote locale (a
secluded country house, aboard an ocean
liner, etc.) and present the protagonist
with a large panel of suspects, including at
least one Red Herring (a character who is
initially suspected of being the culprit but
who eventually turns out to be innocent).
The protagonist solves the mystery by piec-
ing together a series of clues and then usu-
ally unveils the solution and unmasks the
culprit in front of all of the suspects, whom
he has assembled for just this purpose. Pure
mystery stories are not produced in features
as often as they used to be, but they always
have been and probably always will be a
thriving genre on television.
Thriller: A story in which the protagonist
(sometimes a cop or a spy, but often just
a regular Joe) gets caught up (usually by
accident) in a web of danger, intrigue and/or
deception from which he has to extricate
himself by using his wits to confront and
defeat an individual or group of powerful and
often omnipotent-seeming opponents. Often
the protagonist is accused of committing a
76 scr(i)pt
by Ray Morton
crime he didnt commit. He is usually cut off
from his normal environment, stripped of
his resources and betrayed by his familiars.
Thrillers frequently contain a large number
of plot twists and reversals and place the pro-
tagonist in tense, suspenseful situations that
require a great deal of ingenuity to escape.
Good examples of this genre include most of
the great Hitchcock films, Three Days of the
Condor, Memento, Bound, etc.
A variation on the Thriller is the Caper
film in which the protagonist is someone
(usually outside the law) who, either alone
or with the help of a carefully assembled
team, attempts to pull off an elaborate
plan (often a robbery or scam of some sort)
that involves high stakes, detailed planning
and split-second timing. The protagonist is
usually surrounded by a variety of people
with competing agendasa circumstance
that produces much intrigue and lead to
many reversals and double-crosses before
the goal is finally achieved. Although the
modern Caper film often deviates from
form by incorporating many over-the-top
elements from Action films, the basic struc-
turewhich is dependent upon suspense,
suspicion and plot twistsis that of a
Thriller. Good examples include The Sting,
The Italian Job, etc.
Adventure: A story in which the protago-
nist (sometimes acting alone and sometimes
as part of a team) sets out to accomplish
a great goal. To do so, he must first con-
front an overwhelming force (either human
or natural), which he overcomes with great
physical feats, stunts and derring-do. Like
Mysteries, pure Adventure films are not pro-
duced as much as they used to be, primarily
because many of the genres key conventions
have been appropriated by the Action film.
Classic Adventure films include The Guns
of Navarone, The Adventures of Robin Hood,
Gunga Din, The Flight of the Phoenix and The
Poseidon Adventure.
Action: The modern Action film is
a hybrid genre that combines the sinister
PHOTO: Claudette Barius / New Line Productions
Charlize Theron as Stella Bridger in The Italian
Job, written by Troy Kennedy-Martin (1969
screenplay), Donna Powers & Wayne Powers
(2003 screenplay)
adversaries and suspenseful situations of the
Thriller with the physical feats, stunts and
derring-do of the Adventure film, tosses in a
few Mystery elements for good measure and
then blows them all up to larger-than-life,
often unbelievable proportions. To accom-
modate all of this, the narrative elements of
the parent genres are often pared down until
they are just perfunctory. In a typical Action
film, the protagonistusually a cop, military
officer or other man of action with some
sort of burning personal issueencounters a
colorful villain intent on pulling off a spec-
tacular caper. Many times this scheme puts
someone that the protagonist cares about in
danger. The protagonist sets out to vanquish
the villain, sparking a conflict that takes the
form of an escalating series of ever-larger
stunts, set pieces and chase sequences leading
to an (often literally) explosive finale in which
the villain is defeated and his plan foiled. In
the end, the protagonist triumphs, usually
resolving his personal issue in the process.
Examples of this genre include: the James
Bond films (which pretty much invented it),
the Indiana Jones films, the Die Hard and
Lethal Weapon series and about eight billion
direct-to-video masterpieces starring a string
of former martial arts instructors turned
decidedly uncharismatic movie stars.
scriptmag.com

Clichs:
The cop/detective/soldier/agent/special
operative/garbage man protagonist who
refuses to go by the book.
The cop/detective/soldier/agent/special
operative/garbage man protagonist who
refuses to work with a partner until, of
course, one is forced upon him.
The protagonist who has experienced a
tragic loss/trauma in his past in circum-
stances that mirror the situation in which
he now finds himself. The protagonists tri-
umph in the present repairs the damage
caused in his past.
The One-Man Army protagonist that
is inevitably described by his superiors as
being a highly trained killing machine,
a secret/lethal/unlicensed weapon or (my
favorite) the best there is.
The Extremely Cultured-To-The-Point-
Of-Being-Effete Eurotrash Villain who pos-
sesses more wit, charm and taste than you
and I will ever have.
His irritating younger brother, the Over-
The-Top Psycho Bad Guy, whose outra-
geous and antisocial behavior is meant to
impress upon us just how dangerous this
fellow is supposed to be.
The scene in which the Extremely
Cultured Eurotrash Villain or the Over-The-
Top Psycho Bad Guyin order to prove he
will not tolerate incompetence or failure
nonchalantly shoots one of his own under-
lings, usually right after he has seemingly
forgiven the underling for his transgression.
Witty, dark-humored one-liners spouted
by either the protagonist or the antagonist
at key moments in the storyusually right
after someone has been killed in a particu-
larly nasty or unusual way.
The spill-it-all speech in which the vil-
lain reveals every detail of his top-secret
plan to the protagonist as he places the
protagonist into some elaborate, seemingly
inescapable death trap. The villain then
inexplicably departs before making sure that
the death trap has actually killed the pro-
tagonist, allowing the protagonist to escape
and then use the villains own information
to foil his plan. Youve got to wonder when
villains are going to learn to clam up, shoot
the hero and be done with it.
The protagonist who gets sliced, diced
and/or has a hot, metal poker thrust
through his shoulder and yet is able to carry
on effortlessly regardless of the size of the
wound or the amount of the pain. Then
there is his evil twinthe villain who gets
(2004) MARCH/APRIL
" g _ _ n  n b _  l _ [ ^ _ l #
shot, stabbed and blown up but survives,
only to keel over in the last scene when the Its about the dream...
protagonist sneezes on him for no other rea- Its about your potential...
son than its time for the movie to end. I t s a b o u t t h e P R O C E S S !
Killing the villain by dropping him from
a great height.
The sidekick who stands loyally by the
protagonists side throughout the entire film
The
but then, at the end of the second act, is Complete
revealed to have been in cahoots with the Screenplay
villain all along. (This one wins the Ray
Morton Drive-The-Reader-Insane Award for
the Most Overused Action Movie Clich of Sally B. Merlin,
the Last Decade.) Script Doctor
The sidekick partner with only 30
days/20 days/one week left until retirement. She is known as a person who
No need to file those pension papersthis finds emerging talent, nurtures it,
guy is doomed.
and finds it a home. She has been
The Red Herring that is initially por-
trayed as being so obviously guilty that instrumental in the careers of some
theres no way he can be and, conversely, of Hollywoods most exceptional
the Innocuous Character who is portrayed talent. Kathleen Kennedy, President,
as being so squeaky clean that theres no
Amblin Entertainment (1979-1994)
way he cant be the villain. The Eszterhas
Variation on these is the character who is
the main suspect in a heinous crime who CALL FOR DETAILS 301-847-1410
turns out to be innocent until something www.completescreenplay.com
happens at the very end that proves he is
actually guilty after all.
The laptop that can do absolutely every-
thinghack into government and corporate
computer systems, call up the floor plans
of every building in the world, analyze a
million substances right down to their sub-
atomic particles, create 3-D models of every
object known in the universe, and enhance,
enlarge and clarify even the fuzziest photo-
graphs to the point where you can clearly
see the microscopic evidence that proves
the subject is guiltyall on a battery that
apparently lasts forever.
Scenes in which the protagonist crawls
through ventilation ducts to escape, pursue
or sneak around the antagonist. Have you
ever actually seen a ventilation duct? Theyre
very thin, narrow and are held up by a few
weak bolts. You cant crawl through them.
Heck, you cant even fit in them.
Well, thats it for this column. Well finish
up in the next issue. Happy writing!
RAY MORTON is a writer, script consultant and
script reader. He has worked for a variety of
producers, production companies and screen-
writers. He is the author of several teleplays
and screenplays as well as this column and
can be reached at Mzort79@aol.com or on the
Done Deal scr(i)pt magazine message board
(Scriptsales.com).
scr(i)pt 77
 " n b _  \ o m c h _ m m #
by Andrew Schneider
SALES FORCE
Who Sold What
to Whom and for
How Much?
SPECS
Paramount Pictures has purchased The Girl Who Could Fly, a spec
script by Victoria Lakeman, at mid-six figures for Michael Aguilar
and Dean Georgaris to produce. The script is set in a fantastical
Roald Dahl-style world and centers on a precocious 11-year-old farm
girl who discovers she can fly and is then detained by the Ministry of
Anomalous Developmental Needs and Extra-normal Social Services
(also known as Madness). Shes then sent to the ministrys Institute
of Normality, Stability and Non-Exceptionality (also know as Insane)
located underneath the Arctic tundra, with the goal of normalizing
children by barring them from using their abnormalities. There the
girl inspires a revolt among her other gifted classmates/inmates.
Lakemans previous writing credits include Cry of the White Wolf and
Captain Justice for producer Roger Corman. She was repped in the
deal by International Creative Management.
Executives-turned-scribes David Cohen and Tony Lord have
sold their spec Head Games in a six-figure deal to Universal Pictures
Announcing Hollywoods Newest Triple Threat
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64 scr(i)pt
for Peter Gubers Mandalay Pictures to produce. The comedy
focuses on a psychiatrist whose life gets turned upside down when
he inherits the disorders of his group therapy patients. Head Games
is the second spec Cohen and Lord have sold since changing
occupations. Last spring, Summit bought their first effort, Black
Sabbath, a horror film about a cop who has to escape from hell.
Lord had been a producer, and Cohen spent time as a development
executive at Mike Ovitzs Artists Production Group. While focusing
on his screenwriting career, Lord has continued as a producer for a
few projects. He and producing partner Matt Weaver are working
on The Harlem Globetrotter Story for Columbia Pictures and Davis
Entertainment. Penny Marshall is attached to direct that project,
with CSI creator Anthony Zuiker scripting. At DreamWorks, Lord
and Weaver are developing The Seven-Day Itch, a remake of Elaine
Mays classic The Heartbreak Kid. Cohen and Lord are repped by
Broder-Webb-Chervin-Silbermann and Flashpoint Entertainment.
Media 8 Entertainment and Brett Ratners Rat Entertainment
have joined to produce the horror comedy Santas Slay, written and
to be directed by David Steiman. In Santas Slay, St. Nick turns
out to be a devil who only kept his bad side in check after losing
a wager with an angel. Now, both the bet and Santas good cheer
are over. Steiman, who will make his feature writing and directing
debut with the project, is Ratners former assistant. Ratner and
JoAnn Perritano will produce the project at Media 8. Executive
producers are Matthew Leonetti Jr. and Andrew Pfeffer.
SPECIAL OFFER
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a free print directory of your choice.
Offer expires May 15, 2004.
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scriptmag.com

Paramount Pictures has obtained Au Pair,
a thriller that will star Mandy Moore, for an
undisclosed amount. The project is being
referred to as a reverse The Hand That Rocks
the Cradle, with Moore playing a teen who
takes a job watching two children in what
seems like an ideal household. Instead, she
finds deception and danger. The project
came together as a co-production between
Landscape Entertainments Bob Cooper and
Crispy Films President Jonathan Schwartz.
Karen Lunder will also produce. The deal
came with a first script draft that was writ-
ten by Judy Klass, a Brooklyn-based writer
and professor who created the concept. The
studio will seek a writer to pen a new draft
as well as a new title.
Scribe Sheldon Turner has sold his thrill-
er spec Scrawl to MGM Pictures in a mid-
six against high-six-figure deal. The story
follows a disgraced detective who takes a
menial job delivering cash to ATMs at rest
stops along a rural Georgia highway. His
monotony is broken when he believes
based on desperate messages scrawled at the
rest stopsthat a girl has been abducted
>>
it
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PLUS: ""- U -"/7
,
along the route. The film is being produced
by Jennifer Klein, who last October set
up the production shingle Apartment 3B
Prods., and is being overseen by MGM
President of Production Toby Jaffe and exec-
utive Eric Baires. Turner was repped in the
deal by Endeavor, managers Benderspink
and attorney David Fox.
Paramount Pictures has purchased the
comedy spec Honeymoon From Hell from
first-time writer Mark Colby Yosowitz for
low-six to mid-six figures. Kelsey Grammer
is set to produce through his Paramount-
based Grammnet shingle. The story focuses
on a bride and groom who, after breaking
off their wedding, decide to bring their
respective bridesmaid and best man to their
exotic honeymoon with neither know-
ing that the other is at the same location.
Yosowitz wrote the script as his own wed-
ding approached as a possible worst-case sce-
nario. Grammer and Senior Vice President
of Feature Development Joanne Asquith
Weiss will produce while producer-manager
Brooklyn Weaver of Energy Entertainment
will executive produce. Yosowitz was repped
" n b _  \ o m c h _ m m #
in the deal by Energy Entertainment and
manager Brooklyn Weaver.
Radar Pictures has optioned the spec
screenplay The Brutus Complex by 23-year-
old Ari Rubin to be produced with his
father, Bruce Joel Rubin. The story con-
cerns a U.S. secretary of state who uncov-
ers hidden forces pushing his administra-
tion into a war. He must take on the entire
government and risk his life to expose
the truth. Joe Rosenberg will produce for
Radar Pictures, and Radar owner Ted Field
will executive produce. The Rubins are
repped by Creative Artists Agency.
PITCHES
Paramount Pictures has bought the come-
dy pitch Dirty Little Secret as a starring vehi-
cle for Matthew McConaughey. Although
specifics of the deal are unknown, Elisa Bell
will pen the script for a movie that explores
the absurdity of parenting. Dirty Little Secret
looks at the lives of a hip, successful couple
overwhelmed by the arrival of their first
baby. Tensions build
rint
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and Onlin
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(2004) MAY/JUNE
S E P T E M B E R O C T O B E R 2 0 0 8 Script smagazine
cr(i)pt 65
65
" n b _  \ o m c h _ m m #
between them as they exit high society to
enter the world of nannies and preschool
waiting lists. The project will be produced
by McConaughey and his j.k. livin partner
Gus Gustawes, along with Mad Chances
Andrew Lazar. Mark Gustawes is co-pro-
ducing, and Damien Saccani is executive
producing. Bell, repped by William Morris
Agency, previously scripted the Revolution
comedy Little Black Book, and the MGM
Pictures comedy Sleepover.
New Line Cinema has acquired the pitch
Father Knows Less, a contemporary comedy
about American fatherhood by Aline Brosh
McKenna. The screenwriter most recently
wrote Laws of Attraction for the studio. In
Father Knows Less, a successful but detached
dad on his second marriage is abandoned
by his young, fed-up trophy wife. Hes
left to raise his young kids on his own,
occasionally relying on the guidance of his
disaffected older offspring from his failed
first marriage. New Line production execu-
tive Michele Weiss is overseeing the proj-
ect. McKenna also recently sold the pitch
27 Dressesa romantic comedy backed by
Spyglasswhich Bobby Newmyers Outlaw
Prods. is producing. The writers other proj-
ects in development include Rich Girl (also
an original pitch), with Debra Martin Chase
producing at Disney, and A Season in Central
Park at Warner Bros., also for Outlaw Prods.
Producer Laura Hopper will produce Father
Knows Less, which is based upon her origi-
nal idea. McKenna was repped in the deal
by the literary agency Hohman Maybank
Lieb.
Dimension Films and producer Todd
Phillips have made a preemptive acquisi-
tion of a comic pitch by scribe Ricky Blitt
for mid-six figures. The untitled project
is described as a comedy about a youths
infatuation with an older woman. The film
will be produced by Phillips, Alan Riche and
John Jacobs. Blitt is best known for writing
The Ringer, the Fox comedy about a man
who attempts to fix the Special Olympics by
entering the competition. Barry Blaustein is
directing the project, with Johnny Knoxville
playing the title character and Jacobs pro-
ducing with Conundrum partners Peter and
Bobby Farrelly and Bradley Thomas. Blitt is
repped by ICM.
writer Susan Burton described a childhood
Miramax has bought the comedy pitch
Bride Wars for an undisclosed amount.
The project will be written by scribe Greg
DePaul (Saving Silverman). With Kate
Hudson already signed on to produce and
star, Bride Wars pits two best friends in a
clash over their respective wedding plans.
Hudson and her Cosmic Entertainment
partner Jay Cohen are producing, along
with Alan Riche and Tony Ludwig. DePaul
had the idea for the project and polished it
with his Nine Yards Entertainment manager
Matt Luber, wholl be executive producer.
Miramax executive Laura Rister and co-
President of Production Meryl Poster will
oversee the project for the studio. DePaul is
repped by Nine Yards Entertainment.
Warner Bros. Pictures has bought the
comedy pitch Unaccompanied Minors from
the Donners Co. and WBEZ Alliance, the
producing arm of the radio program This
American Life. Although specifics of the
deal are unknown, Mya Stark will direct
the project and, with Jacob Meszaros, write
a script based on a TAL episode broadcast
January 6, 2001. In the nine-minute essay,

s SAGSIGNATORY s #REWEDBY)NDUSTRY0ROFESSION
ALS s 3HOT %NTIRELY IN ,AS 6EGAS s WGAw partici-
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SCREENWRITERS WILL HAVE OPPORTUNITY TO $EVELOP NEW WORK
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experience of being snowed in at Chicagos
OHare Airport the day after Christmas,
stranded with several other kids from
divorced families who spent the holidays
flying from one parent to the other. Warner
Bros. Vice President Dan Lin will oversee
the project. Lauren Shuler Donner will pro-
duce with Michael Aguilar and WBEZs Ira
Glass and Julie Snyder. Stark and Meszaros
are repped by Endeavor.
In a preemptive bid, New Line Cinema
has acquired the sci-fi action-comedy
pitch Planet Terry by comic creator Rob
Liefeld in a mid-six against seven-figure
deal. Liefeld is the co-founder of Image
Comics, the third largest publisher after
D.C. and Marvel. The story centers on a
middle-aged family man in extraordinary
circumstancesin the vein of movies such
as Bruce Almighty and Liar Liar. Planet Terry
was to be Liefelds next online comic series,
following the sale of his previous online
series Shrink!, which Jennifer Lopez is both
producing from her Nuyorican shingle and
attached to topline for Columbia Pictures.
Keith Goldberg will oversee development
for the studio, along with Michele Weiss
and Kent Alterman. Liefeld is repped
by Energy Entertainment and manager
Brooklyn Weaver.
The Walt Disney Co. has paid six figures
to obtain the pitch Rescued! from scribes
Jack Angelo and Sam Brown. The story
centers on the lovelorn teenage daughter
of South Floridas most feared INS agent,
who accidentally rescues a cute illegal alien
from the ocean and hides him in the family
home. Josie Rosen/FP Ventures brought
the pitch to Disney Senior Vice President
of Production Brad Epstein, who will over-
see the project for the studio. Angelo and
Brown are also writing Lucky for New Line
Cinema with Karz Entertainment produc-
ing, and are rewriting Happily Ever After for
producer Mark Johnson and Intermedia.
The writing pair is repped by ICM.
BOOKS
United Artists has gained rights to
the sci-fi thriller Legacy, an adaptation
written by Rob Moreland based on the
1958 book The Legacy of Heorot. Legacy,
described as Beowulf in space, is about
how the first Earth expedition becomes a
fight for survival when the colonists dis-
(2004) MAY/JUNE
" n b _  \ o m c h _ m m #
rupt the planets ecosystem and uninten-
tionally create a race of genetically altered,
Grendel-type creatures. John Williams is
producing the project under his Vanguard
Films banner. The book, written by Larry
Niven, Jerry Pournelle and Steven
Barnes, was optioned by Williams about
a year ago and, along with Moreland, they
developed the script. The two recently
set up the comedy Pink Slip together at
DreamWorks. Jon Levin at CAA repped
both Moreland and Williams in the deal.
Scott Rosenberg, who brought Men in
Black from comic book to the big screen,
has optioned two independent comics for
his production company Platinum Studios.
The studio will create live-action versions
of the graphic novel The Dark Fringe, cre-
ated, written and inked by Eman R. Torre
and published by Atomic Rocket Prods.,
and Rust, created by Steve Miller. In Dark
Fringe, a cop investigates the death of his
wife; after he believes he has solved the
crime, the alleged killer promises to lead the
cop to the man who did the deed. Its up to
the cop to decide whether to trust the man
who appears to be her killer. Rust focuses
on a police officer, covered in metal after
an accident, who is attempting to regain
his humanity. Afraid to show his disfigure-
ment in public, his sculptures bring him
some acclaim. Rust has been published by
three different outlets, among them Malibu
Comics, which Rosenberg created and ran
before selling to Marvel.
Digital Domain and Barnet Bain Films
have optioned author Dan Simmons sci-
fi novel Ilium and its sequel, Olympos, to
adapt into a feature film. Simmons will
also write the screenplay. Published in July
by the Eos imprint of HarperCollins, Ilium
is an epic sci-fi tale that covers 5,000 years
and sweeps across the entire solar system;
it contains themes and characters from
Homers The Iliad and Shakespeares The
Tempest. Olympos will be released in 2005,
providing Iliums producers with a potential
franchise. Producer Barnet Bain brought
Ilium to Digital Domain President Scott
Ross. The two will produce the project,
and Simmons will serve as an executive
producer. Simmons is repped by Richard
Curtis Associates and The Firm. Molly
Hansen negotiated the deal on behalf of
Digital Domain.
scr(i)pt 67
" n b _  \ o m c h _ m m #
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68 scr(i)pt
Congeniality) has been tapped to script the
project, which will include CGI animation.
Whites book, written in 1970, tells the story
of a trumpeter swan named Louis who is
born with no voice. His father steals a trum-
pet from a music store to help his son, who
travels far from home to right this wrong,
finds his voice and woos the swan of his
dreams. White previously wrote Stuart Little
in 1945 and Charlottes Web in 1952. Kerner
Entertainment President of Production Paul
Neesan will executive produce and supervise
development of The Trumpet of the Swan.
Ford is repped by Rogers Hartman and
managed by Susan Landau.
Warner Bros. Pictures has purchased fea-
ture rights to Kevin Brockmeiers story The
Brief History of the Dead, which Pulitzer
Prize-winning playwright David Auburn
will adapt. The short story, which ran in
the September 8 issue of The New Yorker,
is about a blind man who arrives in a
new city, telling a story of having traveled
across a desert after his death. The other
city-dwellers have their own remarkable
tales of crossing into this strange world,
from which inhabitants depart as mysteri-
ously as they entered. The studio plans
to position the project as a supernatural
romance with Chris Columbus and 1492
Pictures partners Michael Barnathan and
Mark Radcliffe producing. Warner Bros.
Senior Vice President Courtenay Valenti
will oversee development. The story is the
first chapter of Brockmeiers novel of the
same name, which he is now writing. While
the book does not have a publisher, his
previous books The Truth About Celia, a
novel, and the short-story collection Things
That Fall From the Sky were published by
Random House imprint Pantheon. Auburn,
who adapted his play Proof for Miramax,
is also adapting the English-language
remake of the Korean film Il Mare for
Warner Bros. Brockmeier and Auburn are
repped by Writers and Artists Group Intl.
Brockmeier is also repped by Dunow &
Carlson Literary Agency.
Scribe Ehren Kruger (The Ring) has
been hired to write Blood and Chocolate
for MGM. In addition to the seven-figure
writing deal, Kruger will for the first time
take on executive producing duties. The
project is an adaptation of Annette Curtis
Klauses popular teen horror novel, which
portrays a secret society of werewolves living
in modern society. The original, which will
be reworked by Kruger, follows the difficult
romance between a young woman werewolf
and a human boy. Since his success with
The Ring, Kruger has been busy with The
Ring 2, which is readying for a spring start,
and The Talisman, the Stephen King adap-
tation being produced by Steven Spielberg
and Kennedy/Marshall for DreamWorks
and Universal Pictures. Daniel Bobker will
produce Blood and Chocolate and MGM
executives Elizabeth Ingold and Stephanie
Palmer will oversee the project. Kruger is
repped by Paradigm.
OTHER DEALS
Screenwriter Robert Towne (Chinatown
and Mission: Impossible 3) has signed with
Carlton Intl. Media to develop a contempo-
rary remake of the Alfred Hitchcock classic
The 39 Steps. Towne will write and direct
the thriller, which is based upon a John
Buchan novel. Hitchcocks version of the
spy film was made in 1935 and starred
Robert Donat, Madeleine Carroll and Lucie
Mannheim. Towne is repped by CAA.
Dimension Films and producer Todd
Phillips have tapped E. Max Frye (Something
Wild) to adapt Goodbye to Romance, a proj-
ect that originated from an Arena magazine
article by scribe David Benioff (Troy, 25th
Hour) about Russian mail-order brides.
Frye, who is repped by Endeavor, previ-
ously wrote for the HBO series Band of
Brothers, as well as for three episodes of
the proposed HBO/Playtone series Lloyd:
What Happened? Phillips, who is repped by
William Morris Agency, recently completed
directing Starsky & Hutch for Warner Bros.
Pictures and Dimension Films.
Mark Swift and Damian Shannon (the
writing team of Freddy vs. Jason) have been
hired by Universal Pictures to rewrite Spy
Hunter, a videogame adaptation. Chuck
Gordon and Adrian Askarieh are produc-
ing, with Neal Moritz and Marty Adelstein
expected to come onboard as well. Like the
videogame, the story focuses on a former
fighter pilot who turns to doing battle in
souped-up cars for a secret espionage service.
Michael Brandt and Derek Haas (2 Fast 2
Furious) wrote the original concept for bring-
ing the videogame to the screen. Swift and
Shannon are also scripting Area 52 for pro-
ducer Casey Silver. The writing pair is repped
by CAA and attorney Jeff Frankel.
scriptmag.com

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scr(i)pt 83



)
n my life, I have been privileged to work with extraordinary
writers. Each experience has provided me with an amalgamation
of insight and inspiration. I believe every instance has made me
a better person. Being able to witness a creative moment is surely
the greatest gift an individual can receive. There is a single moment
where the writers struggle takes form. The act of creation is, in the
end after all the struggle, pure joy.
Recently, I was allowed the opportunity to participate in a project
very close to my heart. I had the chance to work with a woman who
had written a script of great meaning. I sincerely hope that the project
will get made. What was most satisfying about this undertaking was
being able to experience the three most enjoyable aspects of teaching
screenwriting: to educate, illuminate and inspire.
Those of you who read my column know that these three elements
of teaching have always been my motivation for staying in the busi-
ness. I believe that cinema is the most potent means of educating an
audience and is the art form that has the potential to most effectively
capture the human spirit. Despite this potential, the sad truth is that
not often enough are we able to leave the theater feeling inspired by
what we saw on the screen.
The work from the writer on the aforementioned project (and
yes, the studio, too) has restored my hope for future generations of
writers. Make no mistake, the writing isnt great because the film
was based upon historical fact or had a glossy high concept. The
writing is great because the script is based firmly on full-bodied,
well-crafted characters. The characters who come alive in this script
are rich, vibrant women of the 1940s who took a risk and made a
commitment to their country. They jumped the proverbial chasm
and made a difference in history. I am not suggesting that there
werent men who helped them. There were. What I am saying is
that the real women upon whom the films premise is based tran-
84 scr(i)pt
-ERLINS-USINGS
02/-/&0"
02/-/&0"
by Sally B. Merlin
scended social limitations and gender misconceptions of their era
to make history.
During World War II, over 1,000 women were trained by the
military to ferry planes and fly combat missions. Thirty-nine of
these women gave their lives in the service of their country. These
are the facts. The challenge for me as a teacher was being involved
in the writers experience of realizing these women on the page. The
challenge for the writer was to orchestrate the roles of seven women
(two leads) and five men in the scriptnot an easy task, but a deli-
cious one. The idea was to utilize each character to embody a precise
purpose. Purpose is what motivates any character in any film.
Working with a writer always allows me the benefit of learning
something new and wonderful, but this project was entirely differ-
ent for the following reason: The film was based upon a little-known
piece of history that, for whatever reason, has remained under the
popular radar. It doesnt really matter why this incident has been
overlooked, but perhaps (and Ill go out on a limb here) the reason
is because it was a historical episode about women.
I always need to reaffirm my belief that great stories do find
their way into the world, and working on this recent project gave
me a shot of hope. The thrill of this project was knowing that (at
this point) the film will be made; knowing my six-year-old grand-
daughter and my best friends unborn child will see brave women
celebrated onscreen. Watching the transformation from script to
screen become complete is the glory of writing for film, but its so
rare that any of us gets to realize this goal.
Oh, and did I mention: The noblest aspect of working on this
project was having the opportunity to watch a woman writer write
women into history?
Merlin
scriptmag.com