CHAPTER 5

Interpersonal Skills

Chapter Objectives and Integrator Guide

The opening page of each chapter in Communicating at Work lists desired learning outcomes.
The Integrator Guide will assist you in locating activities and resources relevant to each
objective.

Integrated Objectives Resources

Describe the communication climate in a working In the text:
environment, identify the messages that have Page references: 137-144
helped create it, and suggest ways of Activities: 1,2
communicating that can improve that climate. Ethical Challenges:
Is Total Honesty Always the Best Policy?
When You Can't Think of Praise
Key terms: communication climate; confirming On Your Feet:
messages; descriptive statements; disconfirming Best and Worst Communication Climates
messages; emotional intelligence; I language;
problem-oriented messages; you language Instructor's Manual online:
Discussion Launchers: 1-5
Classroom Activities: 1-3

Student Online Learning Center:

Internet Exercise 1
Use the guidelines in this chapter to give In the text:
constructive feedback. Page references: 145-146
Activities: 3

Instructor's Manual online:

Discussion Launchers: 6
Classroom Activities: 4,5
Use the guidelines in this chapter to respond to In the text:
criticism in a non-defensive manner. Page references: 146-149
Activities: 4
Career Tip: The Art of Apology

Instructor's Manual online:

Personal Reflection for Journaling
Discussion Launchers: 7,8
Classroom Activities: 6

Student Online Learning Center:

Internet Exercise 1
Identify various approaches to conflict and steps to In the text:

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conflict management. Page references: 149-154
Activities: 5-8
Key terms: compromise Career Tips:
How to Say No
Dealing with Difficult People
Self-Assessment:
Personal Conflict Style Inventory

Instructor's Manual online:

Discussion Launchers: 9-14
Classroom Activities: 7-11

Student Online Learning Center:

Internet Exercise 2
Describe four styles of negotiating solutions in In the text:
work-related conflicts, and predict likely Page references: 154-159
consequences of using each style. Career Tip:
Ethical Communication Gets Positive Results
Key terms: lose-lose orientation; negotiation; win-
lose orientation; win-win orientation Instructor's Manual online:
Discussion Launchers: 15
Classroom Activities: 12
Demonstrate how to seek a win-win solution in a In the text:
work-related negotiation. Page references: 159-164
Activities: 9

Instructor's Manual online:

Classroom Activities: 13
Other Resources found on the Online Learning Center:
Student online center
Glossary
Key Term Flashcards
Key Term Crosswords
Self-Quizzes
Instructor online center
PowerPoint Files

About Chapter 5

This chapter provides substantial opportunities to extend concepts taught in preceding

chapters while teaching new ones. The chapter emphasizes the linkage between emotional
intelligence and career success. One means of increasing emotional intelligence is to help your
organization develop a confirming communication climate. The text draws from Gibb's work,
explaining several specific skills that lead to confirming climates: descriptive "I" language;
problem orientation; genuine interest in others; and open-mindedness.

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 This is an ideal time to review intentional and unintentional communication and explore
ways in which psychological noise may prevent persons from believing they are valued as
employees or coworkers. As you teach students to construct and deliver concrete praise and
appropriate criticism, you can review and reinforce skills from previous chapters, such as low-
level abstractions, trigger words, and biased language. When you are teaching non-defensive
responses to criticism, include a review of listening skills. When you are teaching negotiation,
review the skill of paraphrasing.

The segment on handling conflicts reinforces what was previously taught regarding cultural
preferences for dealing with conflict (directly or indirectly). The chapter itself is an example of
how most methods for managing conflict and negotiations taught in U.S. educational systems
reflect the low-context nature of U.S. business cultures. Throughout the discussions of
negotiation and conflict styles, this fundamental idea is bolstered: There are myriad choices and
options when communicating at work.

Personal Reflection for Individual Journaling Assignment

Describe a situation when you responded defensively to criticism. Why did you respond
defensively? Did your response improve the situation in any way? Now, describe how
you could reenact this scenario using advice from this chapter about responding to
criticism. Imagine a different outcome. What would it be?

Discussion Launchers

1. Describe a situation in which you had to work with someone who communicated in an
unpleasant way (see Table 5-1). What effect did this have on you? On your coworkers?
On the productivity of the organization? Explain your answers.

2. If someone tells you that the climate at work is very supportive, what pictures or mental
images come to mind for you? What attitudes and behaviors do you associate with a
supportive work climate? Do your images correspond to those outlined in the discussion
of Gibb's communication climate?

3. Consider the following quotation from Tom Peters, The Pursuit of WOW!:
"In the age of email, supercomputer power on the desktop, the Internet, and the
raucous global village, attentiveness--a token of human kindness--is the greatest
gift we can give someone."
Does this quotation contradict or support Jack Gibb's vision of a confirming
communication climate? Explain your answer.

4. What can one person in a negative, disconfirming environment do to create a more

confirming climate?

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5. Is it possible to maintain a supportive climate when you disagree strongly with another
persons ideas? When you have a personality clash with another person? If so, how
might you go about it? If not, why not?

6. One of the keys to leadership is the ability to empower subordinates. How can you
empower employees through praise? Is it possible to give too much praise or to praise
ineffectively? If so, how can you differentiate between constructive and non-constructive
praise?

7. Think of at least three times when you have responded defensively to criticism. What
were the consequences? Based on your examples, try to determine which social
situations or relational circumstances tend to make you feel defensive. Consider how you
could use the guidelines from this chapter to respond more constructively to similar
situations in the future.

8. Why do you believe that criticism is often so difficult for individuals to hear? Which
listening skills from Chapter 3 can you integrate to improve your ability to respond more
constructively to criticism? What strategies do you use when you give criticism to others?
Do your strategies allow the other to save face?

9. What would be the probable results for an employee who tries to eliminate all conflict on
the job? At home with the family? Is eliminating conflict a realistic goal? Why or why
not?

10. Of all the conflict styles, which do you think has the potential to be the most damaging to
a career? Why? How would you rank-order the styles from potentially the most to the
least damaging? Explain.

11. Recall a conflict you have recently participated in. Analyze the conflict to determine
which style of conflict management each party was using. Based on Table 5-4, did you
and the other party choose the most constructive styles in this situation? If so, how did
you choose those styles? If not, what could you to ensure that you make a wiser choice
in your next conflict?

12. If you were giving an orientation for new employees on how best to manage conflict
constructively, what are the top four things you would advise?

13. Besides the situations discussed in the text, can you think of times when avoiding would
be the BEST choice of conflict style? When would accommodating be the best choice?
When would competing be the best choice?

14. Have you ever experienced negative consequences when you tried to use the
compromising approach to conflict? Describe your experience. How might you have
prevented the negative consequences?

15. What is the most difficult aspect about choosing which negotiating or conflict style to use
and when? What kinds of situations make these choices particularly difficult?

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Classroom Activities

1. Emotional Intelligence

Objective: This activity acquaints students with the concept of emotional intelligence and
helps them understand the correspondence between emotional intelligence and confirming
communication climates.

Procedure: Distribute copies of an article that summarizes emotional intelligence, such as

Developing Emotional Intelligence, available free at http://eqi.org.summary.htm or a self-
quiz with analysis, available at http://ei.haygroup.com/resources/default_ietest.htm. For
comparison, you can also distribute summaries of supportive climate such as Building a
supportive climate available at
http://www.wellclosesquare.co.uk/training/theory/calgary/climate.htm, or use the information
from the text.

Class Discussion: Summarize with students some of the main concepts of emotional
intelligence. Compare these concepts to Gibb's supportive climate. Discuss similarities and
differences between the two concepts. Ask students to explain how emotional intelligence
and confirming climates contribute to organizational functioning.

2. Gibbs Supportive/Defensive Theory

Objective: The purpose of this activity is to provide students with additional information
about creating a supportive climate.

Procedure: Use the sheet titled "Perceptions That Promote Defensive or Supportive
Climates" at the end of this section to create a transparency for lecture and/or additional
notes, should you wish to go into more detail on Jack Gibb's classic study. Jack Gibb
researched organizations to look at circumstances in which persons tend to perceive
supportiveness and circumstances in which persons tend to perceive defensiveness.

Class Discussion: Point out to students that it is the perception of the receiver, not the
intention of the sender, that tends to determine whether a supportive or a defensive climate
exists. While there may be factors beyond our control, such as the other person's personal
problems, mood, or generally defensive nature, we can contribute to a more supportive
climate by adopting a receiver orientation and considering whether our behaviors are likely
to be perceived in a way that contributes to supportiveness or defensiveness in the
workplace.
Elicit specific situations from students own experiences that illustrate each aspect of
defensive climate. Next, elicit suggestions for how the defensiveness might be transformed

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into supportiveness. Remind students that they can only change their own communication;
they cant change another person. Thus, a suggestion such as the company should get a
new manager would not be realistic.

3. Comparing Judgmental Language with Descriptive Language

Objective: Students will practice identifying judgmental and descriptive sentences.

They will revise judgmental statements into descriptive ones.

Procedure: Review with students the differences between descriptive "I" statements
versus judgmental "you" statements. Point out that statements can sometimes be
judgmental even though they start with "I" and can sometimes be descriptive even
thought they contain "you."
Distribute to pairs of students a list of statements. Ask them to label these statements J
for judgmental or D for descriptive. If they find any judgmental statements, they should
revise them into descriptive statements. Here are some examples:
I think Melinda is pretty spacey.
Ross really bugs me.
I get nervous when I have to answer all the phones because you're taking a 20-
minutes break instead of a 15-minute break.
I tell you, my boss sure is a nincompoop.
When you put your pop on my table just now, it left a white ring that I'm having
trouble wiping off.
I wish you would stop acting so ignorant.
After students have completed their revisions, ask them to write down two judgmental
statements they have made this week and then revise them into descriptive statements.

Class Discussion: After students have completed the exercise, elicit some of their
revisions, and discuss them with the class. Invite the class to help them modify their
statements if necessary, to end up with true descriptive language. When students clearly
understand how to change a judgment into a description, follow with questions such as:
How do you react when another person makes a judgment about you?
What effect do you create when you make a judgmental statement about another
person?
How can you catch yourself when you are about to say something judgmental?
Is it ever OK to use judgmental statements as jokes (e.g., "Brad, you're such a
weirdo."). If so, when is it OK? If not, why not?

4. Offering Constructing Feedback

Objective: Students will learn to construct messages that are problem oriented rather
than person oriented and to confirm rather than disconfirm coworkers.

Procedure: Begin this exercise with a class discussion. Ask students to recall
situations when they have used disconfirming language or when someone has spoken to

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 them using disconfirming language. What were the consequences? Together with the
class, revise the disconfirming statement into a confirming message, using the guidelines
from the text. After modeling a few revisions with the entire class, distribute a list of
disconfirming statements (see sample below), or instruct students to write their own
disconfirming statements. Groups of students will then revise the statements into
confirming statements. Point out to students that they might need to change the content
of the message slightly to turn it into a confirming statement.

Sample list of nonconfirming statements:

It's about time you showed up.
If only you would help me when I need it.
You've done a lousy job on this report.
You had better start multitasking, or you'll be out looking for a new job.
Why don't you ever have the supplies set up on time?
You are so difficult to deal with.

Class Discussion: Ask students which characteristics of Gibb's supportive climate were
most helpful during this exercise. Find out what difficulties students encountered in
revising the statements. Inquire whether they prefer the revised versions. If so, why? If
not, why not?

5. Role Play: Giving Constructive Feedback

Objective: Students will apply what they've learned in this chapter about delivering praise
and criticism effectively.

Procedure: Review with the class various strategies for delivering feedback in workplace
settings (see the sections on Giving Praise, Offering Constructive Feedback, and Responding
to Criticism). Divide students into pairs. Student A will confide in Student B one action an
employer might want them to change and one action they might receive praise for. Student B
will then use the appropriate guidelines to deliver two components of a performance
appraisal: commending the employee for tasks she or he has done well and pointing out
areas that need implement. Student A will then respond appropriately, again using guidelines
from the text. Students should then switch roles. After all pairs have completed this exercise,
ask a few volunteers to role-play their critiques in front of the class.

Class Discussion: Were you able to deliver feedback that was descriptive, problem oriented,
genuine, face-saving, level, and open minded? How did it feel to receive such feedback?
How did it feel to give such feedback? Which guidelines were easiest to follow? Which were
most challenging? Why? If a similar feedback session took place in your supervisor's office,
would the context change your perceptions or your behaviors? Why or why not?

6. Receiving Criticism

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 Objective: Students will notice the difference between defensive versus nondefensive
responses to criticism.

Procedure: Ask for two student volunteers to role-play a scene in which one person is
criticizing the other person. Here are a few examples:
a client throws a fit because she doesn't like the haircut you gave her
a customer gets angry at an employee because her special order didn't arrive on time
an employee gets impatient with a customer who is taking too long too decide which
blouse she wants to buy while lots of other customers are waiting to use the dressing
room
a supervisor scolds you for not balancing the books correctly
a coworker from the night shift leaves you a nasty note because you didnt finish
shelving the new shipment of items you received that day; you call him to discuss it

For the first role-play, students will give and receive criticism defensively. Limit
the length of this role-play so students dont carry it on too long. Next, ask students to
repeat the role-play, but this time you will ask them to stop after each negative remark.
Ask the class how they could respond to the remark in a nondefensive manner.
Alternatively, you may wish to demonstrate a nondefensive response yourself. Then
repeat the process with a new example of criticism. This time allow the student actors to
demonstrate both the defensive and nondefensive approaches.

Class Discussion: Help motivate students to want to respond nondefensively

When you are responding to a critical remark, what outcome would you like? Why?
Although your first reaction is probably to respond defensively, how would a
defensive response affect the other person?
Would a defensive response help or hinder you in accomplishing your desired
outcome? Why?
How can you remember to respond nondefensively?
What can you do if the other person keeps attacking you?

Additional Follow-Up: After students have worked through a few examples of responding non-
defensively to critics, group them in trios. Within each trio, let Student A deliver a criticism,
Student B receive the criticism, and Student C take notes. After each student has rotated through
all three positions, conduct one more debriefing. Have students report to the class what was
easiest and most difficult about performing this exercise.

7. Communication & Conflict

Objective: The goal of this activity is to help students understand the role that conflict
performs in their everyday interactions, whether at work or within interpersonal
relationships.

Procedure: Discuss with the class various styles of responding to conflict and the material

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 contained in Table 5-4 (Factors Governing Choice of Conflict Style). Assign students to
groups, and instruct each group to select a communication conflict situation that one of the
members has experienced. Allow 5 to 10 minutes for groups to prepare a short skit
displaying one style of conflict managementavoiding, accommodating, competing,
collaborating, or compromising. As groups are preparing their role plays, have them prepare
to discuss the questions listed below with the entire class. The rest of the class will be
responsible for identifying which style is each group is enacting. Discussion will follow
about how to manage each type of situation.

Class Discussion: The following questions could be used to encourage students to talk
about this issue.

What was the source of each conflict?

Which style of conflict management would be most effective in each situation? Why?
Why is compromise not advocated as the most effective style of conflict
management?

8. Types of Conflict
Objective: Students will identify the underlying source of a conflict, detect conflict
styles used by participants, and propose a constructive course of action based on the guidelines
from the text.

Procedure: Divide the class into groups of five or six students. Ask each group to
choose a conflict that one of its members is currently experiencing or has recently experienced.
The group will then analyze the conflict. First, have them identify what the conflict is about.
Next, they should pinpoint which styles of conflict participants are using. Finally, the groups
should draw upon guidelines from the text to suggest ways to manage the conflict constructively.

Class Discussion: Before you begin this discussion, advise students that it is permissible
not to share information about their conflict with the class if it is too personal. (It's not likely
that students will choose not to speak, but stating this choice up front demonstrates sound ethics
on the instructor's part and helps create a climate of trust in the classroom.) You can stimulate
conversation by asking questions such as
What outcome did you intend to achieve in the conflict?
To the best of your knowledge, what outcome did the other party intend to achieve?
Were both parties aware of the nature of the conflict (that is, what the conflict was really
about)?
Did each party's conflict communication behaviors help or hinder her or him in
accomplishing her or his goal?
Based on guidelines found in this text, offer suggestions to help the participants achieve
their goals.

9. How Assertive Are You?

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 Objective: The purpose of this activity is to have students critically think about how
assertive, avoidant (nonassertive), or competitive (aggressive) they would be in a variety of
situations.
Procedure: Distribute copies of the handout titled "How Assertive Are You?" (see the
worksheets at the end of this section). Instruct students to jot down how they would probably
respond to each situation and then categorize their responses as assertive, avoidant, or
competitive. Students should write down their first impressions rather than take a long time
to decide what the ideal response would be.

Class Discussion: After students are finished, spend time discussing their responses to the
various questions. Class discussion could focus on students' ability to distinguish among
assertive, nonassertive, and aggressive behavior as well as the following:
Which types of behaviors are you most likely to use? Why?
What types of situations caused you to choose one behavior over another?
Are there times when one behavior is more appropriate than others?
How do you know which type of behavior is most appropriate in a given situation?
How might our culture influence the responses we choose?
How might our personal histories influence our choices?

10. Exaggerated Conflict Resolution Styles

Objective: Students should be able to identify and understand the characteristics of each of
the five conflict-resolution styles.

Procedure: Divide the class into groups of six students. Assign to each member a different
conflict style (avoiding, accommodating, competing, collaborating, and compromising). For
the duration of this activity, all group members are to interact using their assigned mode of
conflict communication. The remaining member will observe the group process. Explain to
students that this activity will seem very fake, but ask their cooperation in going along with
the exercise for the sake of learning about the various modes of conflict.
Select a current controversy relevant to your campus or community. Examples are how to get
students more involved in student government, how to improve the resources of the Career
Center (without spending significant amounts of additional money), or how to help freshmen
integrate into the campus community. Each group's task is to discuss the issue, attempting to
come to a consensus on how to resolve this problem.

Class Discussion: After about seven minutes, close the group discussions, and move to a
class discussion format. Ask questions such as
How did it feel to be interacting with others who were stuck in one conflict
communication style?
Which combinations of styles were most troublesome? Which were most productive?
Which styles are most likely to achieve consensus? Which styles inhibit consensus?
What types of characteristics are associated with each style of conflict resolution?
What are the advantages of having group members who use differing conflict styles?

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 What types of strategies could you employ when dealing with individuals who are
using the avoiding, accommodating, competing, collaborating, and compromising
techniques?

11. Dealing with Difficult People

Objective: The purpose of this activity is to enable students to practice coping with common
difficult office behaviors.

Procedure: Divide students into groups of four or five. Each group is to role-play a typical
group at work that is trying to solve a problem. Let each group choose (or you can assign)
one of the difficult personalities found in the Career Tip box. One person in the group is to
role-play the difficult personality, while the other members of the group try the strategies
suggested for dealing with that difficult personality. After about 20 minutes, let each group
present for the class without telling them which personality they are portraying.

Class Discussion: Class discussion could focus on the students' ability to identify potential
strategies for dealing with different difficult personalities.
Which personality did the group portray?
Which communication strategies worked well? Which ones didn't? How do you
account for the different results?
Which characteristics of assertive communication could you identify in the role-play?

12. Approaches to Negotiation

Objective: After completing this activity, students will be able to choose the optimal
negotiation style for various situations.

Procedure: Review the principles of negotiation listed in Table 5-6. Divide students into groups
of five or six. Have each group write brief descriptions of one or two conflict situations. These
scenarios should be situations from their personal lives, (e.g., which of the siblings gets to drive
the family car and when), their workplaces (e.g., asking for a working schedule that allows them
to take some college classes), their college (e.g., how the Student Association should allocate its
funds for the year), their community (e.g.,) or their local government (e.g., whether a parcel of
land should be preserved as open space with hiking trails or sold to developers to put in a new
shopping mall). Group members will use Table 5-6 to decide which negotiation strategy would
work best. They should NOT write their choice of strategies on the paper. Next, have groups
exchange scenarios. Each group decides which style of negotiation they would choose for the
situation they received. They must be able to defend their choice.

Class Discussion: Ask groups to compare the negotiation styles they chose. Do they
correspond? If not, why not? Ask groups to defend their choices. When there are discrepancies,
guide the class through the decision, pointing out that often the choice is not clear-cut and
negotiators may need to move from one approach to another. Finally, select one of the scenarios
that is compatible with a win-win a-approach. Ask two groups to assume the roles of two

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competing sides. The remaining classmates will observe, take notes, and assist in monitoring the
negotiation.

13. Win-Win Negotiation

Objective: The purpose of this activity is to provide students with an opportunity to practice
the first three steps in the win-win negotiating style.

Procedure: Make a copy for each of your students of the handout titled "Win-Win
Negotiating" located at the end of this section. Working in pairs, the students should select
one of the negotiation scenarios and work through the first three steps of the negotiation
process.

Class Discussion: After students have worked through the process in pairs, elicit their
responses to each of the three steps. Additional class discussion could focus on the following
questions:
Were you able to find any superordinate goals (shared goals that both persons deem
more important than winning their own way)?
Could you identify any overlapping needs between the two persons in the case? If so,
did you create a solution that satisfied those needs?
Were there some needs that were incongruent? If so, how did you manage them?
Which styles of conflict management did you use as you negotiated?
What impact might your attitude toward the other person have on the kind and
number of solutions you propose?
What impact does the process of negotiating have on a relationship?
How might the negotiating process affect your respect for yourself and the others?
How did your solutions compare to those of your classmates?

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 Perceptions That Promote
Defensive or Supportive Climates

When these Factors are When these Factors are

Perceived, a Defensive Perceived, a Supportive
Climate is Likely Climate is Likely

Judgmental Descriptive Language

Language

Controlling Messages Problem-Solving

Messages

Manipulation Candor

Indifference to Showing Concern for

Others Others

Attitude of
Superiority Attitude of Equality

Arrogance Open-Minded
Listening

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IM 5-14
 How Assertive Are You?
Consider how assertive your own communications are by jotting down how you would probably
respond to each of the following situations. Dont figure out what you think the most
"appropriate" response would be. Instead, respond according to your first reaction. Then, label
each of your responses as assertive, avoidant, or competitive. Use the following shorthand: AS =
assertive; AV = avoidant; C = competitive.

1. The majority in a group (your supervisor and your peers) have stated a position
with which you disagree.
Your response:

2. You feel you deserve a raise. Your manager has not said anything about it, but you
feel it's due.
Your response:

3. A colleague at work borrowed $250 from you last month. Four pay periods have
gone by with no mention of the loan.
Your response:

4. Around the water cooler at work, workers frequently tell racist, sexist, and
homophobic jokes that you find offensive and that you feel contribute to a negative
work environment.
Your response:

5. In a meeting at work, one of the supervisors presents an argument based on

assumptions you know to be false.
Your response:

6. Another student (or work colleague) works with you and four others on a group
project but does absolutely no work. All group members will earn the same grade
(or get the same bonus).
Your response:

7. A new colleague at work wants to borrow your expensive watch, and you are afraid
it might be lost.
Your response:

8. Your boss takes advantage of you by asking you to accept all sorts of extra
responsibilities.
Your response:

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 Win-Win Negotiation
Working in pairs, pick one of the cases below, and work through the first three steps in the
negotiating process. Be prepared to share and analyze your solution with the class.

Negotiation Case #1:

Instructor (Person A): You are the instructor for a basic communication class in which
all instructors have agreed to follow a master syllabus and timetable. You have an exam
scheduled for Chapter 5, and, although students have indicated they don't feel they have
mastered the material, you believe if they read and study, they will understand it. You will
break your promise to the other instructors if your class falls behind.

Student (Person B): You have questions on Chapter 5 that haven't been answered in
class. Although you've asked, you haven't fully understood the answers. You and at least
half of the class would like the instructor to spend more time explaining the concepts and
postpone the exam for one class period.

Negotiation Case #2

Husband (Person A): You think its important to talk about your financial situation
(which is a little shaky at the moment) with your wife. You often bring up the topic of
money, but it seems you dont make any headway with figuring out how to improve your
financial situation.

Wife (Person B): You dont like to think about finances, let alone talk about them. To
you, its really stressful. You have enough stress in your life right now without having to
talk about finances. Yet your husband keeps bringing up the topic of money. You feel
really frustrated, and you just want to ignore the entire topic.

Negotiation Case #3

Office Manager for a Construction Company (Person A): You have recently been
diagnosed with cancer, so you have had to take off a number of sick days in the past
month. Now you are facing a new series of treatments, and you have just been told you
must take next Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. This is an urgent treatment that
must not be delayed. Meanwhile, you are still trying to complete a major project that you
began before the cancer diagnosis. It's for an important client, and it's due by Monday.

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 Adding to the confusion, your company has just purchased a new building, and all
employees have been instructed that they must move themselves into their new offices by
Wednesday.

Owner of the Construction Company (Person B): You depend on your office manager
to keep your office running smoothly. She has always been capable and reliable, but
suddenly she is calling in sick a lot and is working much more slowly than normal. You
have agreed with your landlord that your current office will be completely cleared out by
Thursday morning to avoid paying next month's rent. Yet it appears that your office
manager hasn't even started to box up her items to move them. And, strangely, although
her work is typically prompt and thorough, this morning when you asked whether her
project for one of your top clients would be ready by Monday morning as she had
promised, she broke into tears. Other than yourself, she is the only person in your firm
who has been trained to do a project like this.

Negotiation Case #4

Scenario: Julia and Ken were divorced three months ago. They have two children, boys
aged 9 and 11. Julia and Ken still live in the same town, and both want to maintain an
active role in their boys' upbringing.

Julia, ex-wife (Person A): Since the divorce, Julia has been keeping the boys Monday
through Friday. However, her job has a strict 8-5 schedule. She is able to get the boys to
school with no problem, but she cannot be with them between 2:30 -5:30. She earns less
than Keith does, and she is requesting $150/week to pay for childcare in the afternoons.

Keith, ex-husband (Person B): Keith's job as a realtor gives him a fairly flexible
schedule, though he is usually busy every evening showing houses to clients after they
get off work. That's why he arranged to let Julia take the boys during the week. He is
already contributing a lot of money for child support. Now Julia is requesting an
additional payment of $150/week for afternoon childcare. He wants the best for his
children, but with the housing market in stall mode, he wouldn't be able to meet all his
expenses if he had to add $600/month to his outflow. He has tried to treat his ex-wife
fairly, but this additional demand is more than he can deal with.

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 Win-Win Negotiation Worksheet

1. Identify the needs of each party:

Include both task needs (money, deadlines, etc.) and relational needs (respect, integrity, etc.). As
you list each person's needs, focus on the end goal, not the specific means of establishing that
goal.

Person A:
-Relational needs

-Task needs

Person B:
-Relational needs

-Task needs

2. Brainstorm a list of possible solutions. Before completing this step, look ahead in your text,
and read the advice about brainstorming found in Chapter 8. Following those guidelines will
help you think outside the box!

A.

B.

C.

D.

E.

3. Evaluate the alternate solutions, and select the solution (or combination of solutions)
that you think would work best for all parties. Explain your choice. Check your
mind set. You must cultivate a "problem-centered" attitude, not a "person-centered"
attitude. Your overarching goal should be to find a solution that benefits all parties
concerned (recall Utilitarian ethics from Chapter 1, which seeks the greatest good for the
greatest number). If you're trying to get the "better deal" for yourself, your chances of
reaching a win-win solution are low.

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Additional Resources

Print
Acuff, F. (1993). How to negotiate anything with anyone anywhere around the world. New York:
AMACOM.
The author includes general information on negotiations and typical American styles as well as
differences in and common problems associated with global negotiations. Seven of 14 chapters
analyze specific world regions, and within each region the author discusses requisite
considerations for negotiating in specific countries.

Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2002). The emotional intelligence quickbook. San Diego:
TalentSmart Inc.
This manual provides a concise and usable overview of emotional intelligence and how to
develop emotional intelligence in work teams. After you purchase the manual, you can participate
in online appraisals. Available at http://www.talentsmart.com

Donaldson, M. C., & Donaldson, M. (1996). Negotiating for dummies. Foster City, CA: IDG
Books Worldwide, Inc.
Sections in this book that relate to Chapter 5 include preparation for negotiating, goals, emotions,
nonverbal communication, and listening. The authors also provide sections recommending other
books, Internet resources, and videos.

Edelman, J., & Crain, M. B. (1993). The Tao of negotiation: How you can prevent, resolve and
transcend conflict in work and everyday life. New York: Harper Business.
This book addresses issues such as the nature of conflict, being understood, negative emotions,
love, divorce, partnerships, meetings, and conflict in the marketplace. Through all of it, the
emphasis is on using negotiation to bring about harmony and to address the most common causes
of conflict: misunderstanding, disrespect/disregard for others, conflicting egos, impatience, and
fear and insecurity over perceived "loss of control."

Elgin, S. H. (1995). BusinessSpeak: Using the gentle art of verbal persuasion to get what you
want at work. New York: McGraw-Hill.
In this book, Elgin (who has written several books on verbal self-defense) covers powerful words,
active listening, and body language, in addition to the Four R's: reduce tension, reduce hostility,
reduce stress on short-term memory, and reduce loss of face. Includes three-part messages,
"When you. . . I feel. . . because. . .," as well as before-and-after scenarios showing how to make
complaints and criticism effective.

Fellers, J. W. (1996, September/October). People skills: Using the cooperative learning model to
teach students "people skills." Interfaces, 26(5), 42-49.
A discussion of using the cooperative learning model to help students acquire skills in
interpersonal communication, group dynamics, and leadership. Although it is written for
instructors of other (than communication) content courses, it is an insightful look at preparing
students for the communication skills they need in the workplace.

Gibb, J. R. (1961, September). Defensive Communication. The Journal of Communication, 11,

141148.

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 This classic article provides the background and unpinning for much that has been written on the
subject in the last 30 years. Students can enjoy an original.

Kottler, J. (1994). Taking responsibility without blaming. In Beyond blame: A new way of
resolving conflicts in relationships (pp. XX). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Encourages students to use their communication skills rather than blaming others or
making excuses.

Peters, T. (1994). The pursuit of WOW! Every person's guide to topsy-turvy times. New York:
Vintage.
The 210 numbered sections range from a sentence to a chapter in length; all are an easy read.
Peters emphasizes the importance of interpersonal contact and valuing individuals. He argues for
giving praise and recognition to employees and customers.

Schoenfield, M. K., & Schoenfield, R. M. (1991). The McGraw-Hill 36-hour negotiating course.
New York: McGraw-Hill.
Adopting a win-win approach, this self-paced, self-study course goes through the basics of
negotiating, focusing on goals, tactics (with cases to illustrate), legal considerations, language,
planning, and pre-negotiation stages. There is a self-test at the end of each chapter.

Video
The Art of Criticism: Giving and Taking. 22 min.. Kantola Productions.
Study guide and instructor manual available. This video addresses skills required to decide when
and how to critique others, and methods for handling your emotions and responding
professionally to criticism.

Dealing with Conflict and Confrontation. Insight Media.

Vol. 1: Deals with why we have conflict, its predictable nature. 73 min.
Vol. 2: Focuses on beneficial and detrimental conflict. 57 min.
Vol. 3: Emphasizes conflict-resolution strategies. 83 min.

Defensive/Supportive Communication. 30 min. RMI.

Although not strictly in business settings, the video portrays types of defensive (blaming,
controlling, dominating, and pontificating) and supportive (describing, empathizing, equaling,
and examining) behaviors, construction of an "I" message, and some points of conflict resolution.

Giving and Taking Criticism. 55 min. RMI

Focuses on typical reactions to criticism, giving and receiving criticism in ways that can build
rather than destroy relationships, statements to avoid, and steps to taking criticism, praise and
positive words, criticizing with tact.

High Impact Communication Skills. Vol. 2. 59 min. Insight Media.

Depicts how confusing mixed messages are, and teaches how to avoid them, giving criticism
without hostility, dealing with angry people, and assertive, responsible behavior when attacked.
Manners at Work. 18 min. Learning Seed Video.
Answers questions about etiquette in the workplace and explains how good manners contribute to
career success.
Successful Negotiating. 30 min. Insight Media.

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Yelling, Threatening, and Putting Down: What To Do Instead. 35 min. Learning Seed Video.
Explains why parents have a tendency to try to control their children by yelling, threatening, or
putting them down, even though these tactics do not work. Teaches alternative approaches to
managing anger and discipline.

Web
Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations
http://www.eiconsortium.org
Provides up-to-date research and information about emotional intelligence in the workplace.

Dr. Nadig
http://www.drnadig.com/feelings.htm
Includes advice for expressing emotion during conflict and links to additional conflict
management resources.

Emotional Intelligence Services

http://ei.haygroup.com/default.asp
Provides a self-quiz, analysis, Dr. Golemans answers to frequently asked questions, and
additional links to information about emotional intelligence. You can even submit your own
questions and receive answers.

Emotional Quotient International

http://eqi.org
EQI is a group of volunteers from several continents who are interested in promoting emotional
intelligence as a key to improving society. The site includes a detailed outline for teaching
students about emotional intelligence and a wealth of links to useful resources.

Mt. San Jacinto College

http://www.aligningaction.com/climate.htm
The Communication Department at MSJC has set up a website with pages of interest about
several communication issues, including suggestions for transforming defensive climates to
supportive climates.

Nova Southeastern University

http://www.nova.edu/sss/DR

TalentSmart Inc.
http://www.talentsmart.com/learn
This site displays several articles about emotional intelligence that you can download for free.
For example, the article Emotional Intelligence Issues and Common Misunderstandings
provides a readable overview. You can also subscribe to a free monthly one-page newsletter that
provides tips on developing emotional intelligence.

Lets Talk Training Group

http://www.lets-talk.org/survey.htm
Assess your own conflict style using the free online survey. After you complete the survey, the
site provides suggestions tailored to your responses.

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Utne Magazine
http://www.utne.com/interact/test_iq.html
You can take a free E-IQ test and analyze your results at this site.

University of Washington Lifelong Learning

http://www.outreach.washington.edu/openuw/asp/transform.asp?course=Bcomm&xml=bcomm_intro1
Provides a free short-course on crafting direct and persuasive business requests.

Well Close Square Training Resources

http://www.wellclosesquare.co.uk/training/theory/calgary/climate.htm
This table summarizes differences between supportive and defensive climates.

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