Should Teens Own Smartphones?

When Silicon Valleys 20-something techno-prodigies were awing the world with new,
shiny, unveilings of iPods and then iPhones and then iPads, many of the inventors
didnt have kids. Few had teens. Now, most of them have kids, and many have teens
teenagers addicted to gadgets their parents birthed into the world years ago.

This is the story of Tony Fadell, a former Senior VP at Apple, known as the grandfather
of the iPod, and a key player on the early design team for the iPhone. On the 10-year
anniversary of the iPhone in an interview, he made this admission: I wake up in cold
sweats every so often thinking, what did we bring to the world?
Fadell, a father of three, has come to see the addictive power of the iPhone, an addiction
that cannot be removed. I know what happens when I take technology away from my
kids. They literally feel like youre tearing a piece of their person away from them
they get emotional about it, very emotional. They go through withdrawal for two to
three days.

This self-absorbing culture is starting to [really stink], Fadell said. Parents didnt
know what to do. They didnt know this was a thing they needed to teach because we
didnt know for ourselves. We all kind of got absorbed in it.

Yes we all got absorbed techies and teens and parents. All of us. And now were
trying to figure out how to wisely manage our devices.

Teens, Smartphones, and Depression

Digital absorption has coincided with the fast-changing dynamics of public high school
life. Last winter, I asked an assistant principal at a large Twin Cities high school (of
more than 2,000 students) how her job has changed over the past two decades.

Much remains the same, she said. But the one thing that has changed drastically in
working with teenagers for over twenty years is the dependency they have now on the
instant gratification and feedback from others. How many likes do I have? How many
followers? And theres a compulsion to put something online to see how many likes I
can get. And if that wasnt enough, what does it say about me?
Theres a really strong connection to this behavior and the increased mental health
issues were seeing in the school, she said. Over the past three-to-five years I would
say my job has changed the most, because were now dealing with so much more mental
health. I dont think its singularly because of technology, but I genuinely believe digital
technology is a major factor. It changes everything from the way people relate with
others to the way they see themselves.

Destroying a Generation?
The cold sweats of Fadell and the eyewitness testimony of this assistant principal are
captured in the haunting headline over a recent feature article published in The
Atlantic, Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?
iGen is the new label for those roughly 12-to-22-year-olds, born between 1995 and
2005. Among them, the warning signs are prevalent. Rates of teen depression and
suicide have skyrocketed since 2011, wrote author Jean Twenge of the struggles faced
by the iGen-ers. Its not an exaggeration to describe iGen as being on the brink of the
worst mental-health crisis in decades. Much of this deterioration can be traced to their
phones.

The more time teens spend looking at screens, the more likely they are to report
symptoms of depression, and, girls have borne the brunt of the rise in depressive
symptoms among todays teens. Twenge cites sources that show depression is on the
rise among both boys and girls. For boys, depressive symptoms rose 21% between
20122015. In the same span, rates among girls increased by 50%. The rates of suicide
for both increased, too. Male suicides doubled; female suicides increased threefold.

From what I know about these spikes in depression, and what I have discovered about
the allure of our devices, what we are addressing here are existential questions about
the meaning of life and acceptance from others massive questions, weighing heavy on
a young generation. These are redemptive questions, identity questions, gospel issues.
Digital media force a teen and preteen into the 24-7 pressure cooker of peer approval.
But its not just teens; all of us feel this addictive draw of our social media. Smartphones
seem to influence us all in at least 12 potent ways.
But the question here is pretty straightforward: Given these warning signs, is it possible
for a teen to resist the powers of culture and go smartphone-free through the middle
school and high school years?

Smartphone-Free Teens
I asked Jaquelle Crowe, the author of the excellent book, This Changes Everything: How
the Gospel Transforms the Teen Years, that question. She provides us with a rare
example of an iGen teen who postponed the adoption of a smartphone until age 18. I
asked her what it was like to wait so long.
Jaquelle, thanks for your time to share your experience. Studies are beginning to
suggest that rates of teen depression are on the rise, and there is no single factor to get
all the blame. But the pervasiveness of smartphones among iGen teens has to be
considered as a significant cause. Would this connection surprise you?
Absolutely not. Smartphones contribute significantly to the 24-7 approval culture we
live in. Theres no escaping it. This is something our parents dont always understand,
because when they were teenagers, that culture was largely limited to the 93 school
day, and then they retreated to the boredom of family life.

But now theres 24-7 social media. Theres a constant comparison and peer approval
game that cannot be escaped. And its crippling, exhausting, and undeniably stressful.
You cant get away from the likes, the shares, the texts, the pictures. Its like the
popularity contest never ends. And it works both ways. Your smartphone gives you a
front-row seat to watch the popularity contest, too.

That is a powerful dynamic, hard to escape the popularity culture on both fronts
(feeding it and watching it play out). You did not get a smartphone until you were 18,
but you had friends with smartphones, right?
Yes, I did, and I was well aware that most of my peers had access to something I didnt.
I could name every friend who had a phone, simply because I would see their phone. If
Alison got a phone, I knew about it. If Jared got a phone, I knew about it. Not because
they flaunted it or shamed me, but because it was always around. Even if we were
talking together, it would buzz or ping or theyd be fidgeting with it. If there was a
pause, a moment of silence, a break, theyd be on their phones, and Id be left in the
lingering awkwardness and boredom.

It definitely fed my FOMO (fear of missing out). It fed into some insecurity. Even
though my friends never made me feel weird for not having a smartphone, it was an
expectation, so they were surprised when they discovered I didnt have one. There were
times when I was the outlier. And not only with friends but also with my generation at
large. Id be walking through the mall or waiting in line or stopped on the sidewalk, and
I would look around, fully present and disconnected and stare at a sea of teens glued
to smartphones. I was an exception, and that felt uncomfortable.

At times, I felt lonely even if I was surrounded by people. They were constantly
connected and I was isolated. I felt confined by my lack of access. At the same time,
those feelings were largely emotional and visceral because I agreed theoretically with
my parents that I didnt need a phone right then.

Never offline, always within reach, we now wield in our hands a magic wand of technological power we
have only begun to grasp. But it raises new enigmas, too. Never more connected, we seem to be growing
more distant. Never more efficient, we have never been more distracted.

I applaud your parents for this foresight and conviction. Most parents, I fear, simply
cave to the pressure, as their teen caves to the pressure a domino effect of pressures,
and certainly one I feel as a parent. But its worth giving this decision critical thought,
because introducing a fully functioning smartphone is a decision that cannot easily be
undone. For you, how much trust does this call for on the part of a teen, to wait? It
seems like you have to trust your parents more than your peers, and thats a main
struggle of the teen years.
It calls for trust, definitely. And connected to that, a willingness to submit and obey.
Ultimately, it requires a recognition that your parents are actually looking out for your
best interests emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically and that they know
you better than your peers do.

The thing is, deep down, most teens know that. They just push back because not owning
a smartphone makes them feel ashamed.

I assume you had access to a phone of some sort?

Yes. If I was going out, Id often borrow my moms flip phone for emergencies. I almost
never used it.

Thats wise. As for digital media, what did you have access to before the smartphone?
I had a computer, I had email, I had access to some social media. I technically could do
everything from home. But in a digital world with an expanding reach, that still
somehow seemed limited.

For sure. Speaking as a 20-year-old now, what would you say to parents who are
weighing the pros/cons and reading all the news and the testimonies of parents of
teens, and who are coming to the conclusion that delaying the smartphone in the life of
their teen would be wise? What kind of pushback should they expect to hear from their
teen?
To parents, Id say: It is worth it to have your kids wait. Ive seen it and heard it and can
attest to it since I got my own smartphone smartphones change you. They give you
overwhelming and shocking access. They zap your attention span. They are massively
addictive. You can (and should!) put up safeguards, but a smartphone fundamentally
changes your heart and mind. If its possible for teens to delay that change, I think it is a
wise consideration.

Teach your teens discipline and discernment before you entrust them with the dangers
of a smartphone. Of course, smartphones are not inherently evil; they have the
potential for great good. But they need to be wielded well.
If youre making your teen wait, dont delegitimize the painful exclusion theyll feel but
use this time to prepare them to use technology wisely and faithfully. In the hands of
unprepared, immature teens, smartphones can be deadly.

As for pushback that a parent is sure to hear, teens will feel left out. That might make
them frustrated, confused, lonely, or hurt, and if they lash out, thats why. They might
feel like theyre separated from their friends. They might feel the pain of peer pressure.
They might fear missing out. They might even have some legitimate concerns (e.g.,
having a phone with them when theyre out by themselves).

Parents, in the face of this pushback, be willing to explain your reasoning. When your
teens ask you, Why cant I have a smartphone? they really dont want you to say,
Because I told you so. Even if they dont agree with it, they will likely respect your
willingness to reason with them and the depth of critical thought youve put into this.

Share your research with them. Introduce them to other teens (in person or online) who
dont have smartphones. Instead of treating them like a child (just saying, No and
moving on), pursue thoughtful, honest dialogue with them. Allow them to keep the
conversation going, and be willing to do the hard work of communication for the
greater good of your relationship.

Very good. And perhaps we can close with what you would say directly to the teens in
this scenario. What should they expect to face by way of internal and peer struggle?
To the teens who take this countercultural move, you are an outlier in your generation.
Obedience in life requires avoiding every clingy weight that will trip you up in the
Christian life (Hebrews 12:1). I can only encourage you tohold fast. It comes down to
this. Hold fast.
Jesus is better than a smartphone. You will rehearse this truth over and over in your
heart.

And when you feel burdened by exclusion and isolation, dont despair. Your identity is
not in fitting in or meeting superficial expectations. Its in Christ alone. And he gives
you one task: be faithful. Right now, that looks like obeying your parents and trusting
their good intentions for you and that may mean not having a smartphone for a time.

Dont run from this reality in shame; embrace it in faith. Your joy is not found in
cultural connectivity; its found in union with Christ. So hold fast, and be faithful. Your
reward is coming and it is far greater than any loss you will feel in this life.