Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Svetlana Alexievich
F rom the account of his friend, Vladi- him. They find out the reason. But it isn’t It’s embarrassing, uncomfortable . . . I think that he was a sincere Marxist
mir Staniukevich, graduate student in really the reason, it’s the trigger . . . Maybe he decided: I’ll throw off these and saw Marxism as a humanitarian
the Philosophy Department: The day before he saw me in the hall: clothes and this physical shell . . . idea, where “we” means much more
. . . He wanted to leave unnoticed, of “Be sure to come by. We have to Behavioral logic didn’t lead to this, than “I.” Like some kind of unified
course. It was evening. Twilight. But talk.” but the act was committed nonethe- planetary civilization in the future . . .
several students in the nearby dormi- That evening I knocked on his door less . . . There’s the concept of fate. When you’d drop by his room he’d be
tory saw him jump. He opened his several times, but he didn’t open it. You’ve been given a path to follow . . . lying there, surrounded by books: Ple-
window wide, stood up on the sill, and Through the wall I could hear he was You rise to it . . . You either rise, or khanov, Marx, biographies of Hitler,
looked down for a long time. Then there (our rooms are adjacent). He fall . . . I think he believed that there is Stalin, Hans Christian Andersen sto-
he turned around, pushed hard, and was pacing. Back and forth. Back and another life . . . In a thin layer . . . Was ries, Bunin, the Bible, the Koran. He
flew . . . He flew from the twelfth floor . . . forth. “Well,” I thought, “I’ll drop by he religious? This is where specula- was reading it all at once. I remember
A woman was passing by with a little tomorrow.” Tomorrow I talked to the tion begins . . . If he believed, it was some fragments of his thoughts, but
boy. The youngster looked up: policeman. without intermediaries, without cult- only fragments. I reconstructed them
“Mama, look, that man is flying like “What’s this?” The policeman ish organizations, without any ritual. afterward . . . I’m trying to find mean-
a bird . . .” showed me a vaguely familiar folder. But suicide is impossible for a reli- ing in his death . . . Not an excuse, not a
He flew for five seconds . . . I leaned over the table: gious person, he wouldn’t dare violate reason . . . Meaning! In his words . . .
The district police officer told me all “It’s his dissertation. There’s the title God’s plan . . . Break the thread . . . The “What is the difference between a
this when I returned to the dormitory; page: Marxism and Religion.” trigger mechanism works more easily scholar and a priest? The priest comes
I was the only person who could be All the pages were crossed out. Diag- for atheists. They don’t believe in an- to know the unknown through faith.
called his friend in any sense. The next onally, in red pencil, he’d written furi- other life, aren’t afraid of what might But the scholar tries to comprehend
day I saw a photo in the evening paper: ously: “Nonsense!! Gibberish!! Lies!!” be. What’s the difference between it through facts, through knowledge.
he lay on the pavement face down . . . in It was his handwriting . . . I recognized seventy years or a hundred? It’s just a Knowledge is rational. But let’s take
the pose of a flying man . . . it . . . moment, a grain of sand. A molecule of death, for instance. Just death. Death
I can try to put some of it into He was always afraid of water . . . I time . . . goes beyond thought.
words . . . Although everything is slip- remember that from our college days. He and I once talked about socialism “We Marxists have taken on the
ping away . . . You and I won’t make it But he’d never said that he was afraid not resolving the problem of death, or role of church ministers. We say we
out of this labyrinth . . . It will be a par- of heights . . . at least of old age. It just skirts it . . . know the answer to the question: How
tial explanation, a physical explanation, His dissertation didn’t pan out. Well, I saw him make the acquaintance of do you make everyone happy? How?!
not a spiritual one. For instance, there’s to hell with it! You have to admit you’re a crazy guy in a used bookstore. This My favorite childhood book was The
something called the trust hotline. A a prisoner of utopia . . . Why jump from guy, too, was rummaging around in old Human-Amphibian by A. Belyaev. I
person calls and says: “I want to commit the twelfth floor on account of that? books on Marxism, like we were. Then reread it again recently. It’s a response
suicide.” In fifteen minutes they dissuade These days how many people are re- he told me: to all the utopians of the world . . . The
writing their master’s essay, their doc- “You know what he said? ‘I’m the father turns his son into a human-
English translation © 2011 by Jamey toral dissertation, and how many are one who’s normal—but you’re suffer- amphibian. He wants to give him the
Gambrell afraid to admit what the title was? ing.’ And you know, he was right.” oceans of the world, to make him happy
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Art Resource
shades, the whole blossom- friend . . .
("&"!#$"#"%% ing complexity of it all, is
!'&))"')+%
#$$&")&$)"'$ unknowable to us. No one
#$"#"%!*!"$ can increase our knowledge. H
is brother came for him
!$ !&%+$ We are all interpreters . . . from the countryside. He
"'$)&$)$ !&% “At the moment we’re was in the morgue . . . We
!'&"")!
stuck in the past like we used began looking for a woman
to be stuck in the future. to help, to wash him, dress
# !$&)"$-%
%"!$%&" I also thought I hated this him. There are women who
#$"( !&$&$ my whole life, but it turns do that sort of thing. When
$&" !& out that I loved it. Loved?. . . she came she was drunk. I
!"!"&!"#%&% How can anyone possibly dressed him myself . . .
,!"!&$'&"$ love this pool of blood? This In the village I sat alone
&""!%, cemetery? What filth, what with him all night. Amid
$" &%%&"$%+ nightmares . . .what blood is the old men and women.
# $&"$() mixed into it all . . . But I do His brother didn’t hide the
!$(%&%# " love it! truth, although I’d asked
#'$%!#"%&" “I proposed a new disser- him not to say anything, at
$%% #&%"! tation topic to our professor: least to their mother. But
"$%&&"!!' ! ‘Socialism as an Intellectual he got drunk and blabbed
$&% Mistake.’ His response was: everything. It poured for
# $ ‘Nonsense.’ As if I could two days. At the cemetery
&"'%"%'$"&% decipher the Bible or the a tractor had to pull the car
#"&"!&$'&"!% Apocalypse with equal suc- with the casket. The old
!%&""!$& cess. Well, nonsense is a ladies crossed themselves
"$&%+!(%&"$% form of creativity, too . . . fearfully and zealously:
!'!
" !!$+ The old man was bewil- “Went against God’s will,
$"$#"$&"!%
!")%"%&$ dered. You know him your- he did.”
#"&%#!!%" self—he’s not one of those The priest wouldn’t let
&&&+ + old farts, but everything that him be buried in the cem-
"'!&+&$ happened was a personal etery: he’d committed an
!(%&"$%!"!%' $% tragedy for him. I have to unforgivable sin . . . But the
rewrite my dissertation, but ‘Marx as Prometheus’; engraving, 1843 director of the village coun-
!!(%&!""
" #!%! how can he rewrite his life? cil arrived in a van and gave
& &&$"!%$! Right now each of us has to rehabilitate had a more subtle, detailed under- his permission . . .
!(%& !&!& himself. There’s a mental illness—mul- standing than we did of what awaited We returned at twilight. Wet.
"&"+ tiple, or dissociated, personality dis- him. And he liked Christ’s age. Destroyed. Drunk. It occurred to me
%&"'$)%&&"$! order. People who have it forget their One might think he’d gone mad. that for some reason righteous men
"$"'&)&+"'$ names, social positions, their friends But a few weeks earlier I’d heard his and dreamers always choose these
'&''!!" and even their children, their lives. It’s research presentation . . . Water-tight kinds of places. This is the only kind of
a dissolution of personality . . .when a logic. A superb defense! place they are born. Our conversations
person can’t combine the official take Does a person really need to know about Marxism as a unified planetary
or government belief, his own point of when his time will come? I once knew civilization floated up in my memory.
view, and his doubts . . . how true is what a guy who knew it. A friend of my fa- About Christ being the first socialist.
he thinks, and how true is what he says. ther’s. When he left for the war, a gypsy And about how the mystery of Marxist
The personality splits into two or three woman prophesied: he needn’t be religion wasn’t fully comprehensible
parts . . . There are plenty of history afraid of bullets because he wouldn’t to us, even though we were up to our
teachers and professors in psychiatric die in the war, but at age fifty-eight at knees in blood.
hospitals . . . The better they were at in- home, sitting in an armchair. He went Everyone sat down at the table. They
stilling something, the more they were through the whole war, came under poured me a glass of homemade vodka
corrupted . . . At the very least three fire, was known as a foolhardy fellow, right away. I drank it . . .
!!! generations . . . and a few others are in- and was sent on the most difficult mis- A year later my wife and I went to the
fected . . . How mysteriously everything sions. He returned without a scratch. cemetery again . . .
eludes definition . . . The temptation of Until age fifty-seven he drank and “He’s not here,” my wife said. “When
utopia . . . smoked since he knew he’d die at fifty- we came the other times we were visit-
%HIRUH LQYHVWLQJ FRQVLGHU WKH “Take Jack London . . . Remember eight, so until then he could do any- ing him, this time it’s just a tombstone.
)XQG·V LQYHVWPHQW REMHFWLYHV his story about how you can live life thing. His last year was terrible . . . He Remember how he used to smile in
ULVNV FKDUJHV DQG H[SHQVHV even if you’re in a straitjacket? You was constantly afraid of death . . . He photographs?”
&RQWDFW XV IRU D SURVSHFWXV just have to shrivel up, sink down, and was waiting for it . . . And he died at age So he had moved on. Women are
FRQWDLQLQJWKLVLQIRUPDWLRQ5HDGLW get used to it . . . You’ll even be able to fifty-eight, at home . . . in an armchair in more delicate instruments than men,
FDUHIXOO\'#
(#!$"'
"! #* &$&'"( '' dream . . .” front of the television . . . and she felt it.
("#()",'$#&(# # Is it better for a person when the line The landscape was the same. Wet.
)",'$#&(# #'')((#" has been drawn? The border between Dilapidated. Drunk. His mother
#!"# %)(+)"'"#("')&
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Now that I analyze what he said . . . here and there? This is where the ques- showered us with apples for the trip.
'(#& #""(&(#" " '(+ &' follow his train of thought . . . I can see tions begin . . . The tipsy tractor driver drove us to
#) !+ #' !#"+
"*'(!"( that he was preparing for departure . . . Once I suggested he dig into his the bus stop . . .
&*'
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We were drinking tea one time, and childhood memories and desires, what —Translated from the Russian
out of the blue he said: he’d dreamed of and then forgotten. by Jamey Gambrell