Melody: "Hark!

The Herald = Angels Sing")

Hark! the Streptococcus brings

Strep sore throat to all who sing,
Chloraseptic doesn't cure it
Other people's sneezing lures it.
If the strep bug has a virus
Scarlet fever then arises,
Cross reaction with the heart
Causes it to come apart,
Hark! the Streptococcus totes,
Toxin and fire to all it smotes.

Pneumonia makes you cough and wheeze,

Mucus fills the lungs with sleaze
A viscous greenish oozing cloak,
That causes you to gasp and choke
Without water you can drown
If you breathe the strep germ down
Hark! The Streptococcus breeds
The misery of a bad disease

Of fecal strep in food beware,

Methane gas befouls the air,
Speedily you drop your pants
As if they held live fire ants
On the toilet you are dying
Bent in pain, guts liquefying
Hail! the Streptococcus means
Glory to those who would be lean

FROSTY THE PHOTON

Frosty the Photon

Was a truly quantum sight
With a zero mass and an endless life
And a speed approaching light

Frosty the Photon

Had momentum h-bar k
Though he had the right to be known as light
He could be a gamma ray

There must have been some magic

In the physics lab one year
For when they studied X-ray beams
Ole Frosty did appear.

Frosty the Photon

Says he knows he's not that large
But he says one day, if he comes this way
He will give us all a charge.

Thumpety thump-thump, Thumpety thump-thump

Moving fast as light
Thumpety thump-thump, Thumpety thump-thump
Frosty's out of sight

Deck the Labs

Deck the labs with rubber tubing

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Use your funnel and your filter

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our goggles and aprons

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Before we go to our lab stations

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fill the beakers with solutions

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Mix solutions for reactions

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Watch we now for observations

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

So ..we can.. collect.. our data

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

O CHEMISTREE

O Chemistree, O chemistree
I have so much to learn from thee.
O Chemistree, O chemistree
How intricate your branches.
The elements we all must learn;
The compounds that we Bunsen burn.
O Chemistree, O chemistree
My grades are a catastrophe

O Chemistree, O chemistree
Mass and weight and density.
O Chemistree, O chemistree
Specific heat capacity
Your brushes clean, your test tubes bright
Your flasks and clamps, they shine so bright
O Chemistree, O chemistree
I’ll try to pass you with a “C.”

O Chemistree, O chemistree
Your pH levels astound me
O Chemistree, O chemistree
Your pH levels sit at three
Which means that you,
Could burn me so
I need some soda of baking oh
O Chemistree, O chemistree
Your pH levels astound me.

O Chemistree, oh chemistree
Bradshaw makes us sing for thee

CONTIGNECY PLAN - ENCORE

GRAVITY

A comet hits the earth,

It’s made of methane ice.
It makes a giant force.
Now isn’t that so nice?
So what made it come here?
What made it hit the earth?
The answer’s very clear, my friend,
It fills you up with mirth.

Gravity, gravity
Keeps us on the ground
An apple fell on Newton
He said, “What goes up comes down.”
Gravity, gravity
Mass times nine point eight.
Remember, travel very fast
If earth you must escape.

Walk around the earth;

Keep a steady pace.
If gravity weren’t here
You’d float away in space.
Call it what you want,
Call it any name.
But this force is a heavy weight,
Attraction is its game!

— tune: “Jingle Bells”

I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate

I'm dreaming of a white precipitate

just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a white precipitate

with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.

Test Tubes Bubbling (to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)

Test tubes bubbling in a water bath

Strong smells nipping at your nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.
They know that Chlorine's on its way
He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every student's slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.

And so I offer you this simple phrase

To chemistry students in this room
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.