BUILDING AND MAINTANING RELATIONSHIPS

How much time do you consume texting, calling, browsing through social networking sites, or playing
online games? Do you use them to exchange important messages instantly, get updates on trends and
issues, kill numbing boredom, waste time, be noticed, make new friends, or to simply satisfy your endless
curiosity? Whatever your motives are, one good effect of using the social media and its devices more
frequently is that these facilitate your relationships with others.
The social media and television seem to eliminate geographical distance and cultural differences and help
people understand their commonality that eventually build relationships.
Build and maintaining human relationships are mature responsibilities that you need to perform carefully
because they influence your personality, beliefs, attitudes, feelings, behavior, or lifestyle, either for good
or ill.
You must develop qualities needed to serve and love God, other people, and society as a whole.
Family Structures
The history of mankind is built on a family and its future is sustained by the family, Each family that is
solid promotes nation-building: when is unstable, it contributes to the crumbling of civilization.
Family is a small kinship- structured group and a fundamental institution in society usually composed of a
mother, father, children(s) or husband and wife as potential parents.
Different Structures
The ideal family structure defined above may not always be the situation many people are in due to
different and complex circumstances.
A Death of one of the spouses, having children out of wedlock, or separation may have been the cause of
single parent families. Some are into blended families, integrating step families/ siblings as a result of
remarriage.
For many middle class mainly poor families, children in their late adolescence or those who finishes
college instantly get any decent job to financially support themselves, their parents, or their younger
siblings as well. Lastly, it is a sad reality that there are dysfunctional families that make family life, or a
lack of it, very delicate and complicated.
The ideal family is not necessarily the best or the perfect family. It is a work in progress that every
member performs through the virtues of love and unity. The parents living example of the said virtues can
help children live in a happy home. 
Despite good parenting and healthy family environment, there emerge some children who are considered”
Black Sheep”, giving unnecessary burden to the whole family and eventually the community. Conversely,
some children live to be responsible adolescents and productive adults later on despite growing up in
dysfunctional families. 
Before starting a family, couples need to express their mutual love and bond of commitment before God
through marriage .
Fathers are not simple financial providers, as the traditional stereotype gender roles would put it. In fact,
many families have both parents working to sustain the financial needs of the whole family.
Research revealed that in most cases, the loving presence and the natural complementary roles of the
mother and father in the life of the child contribute to the latter’s psychological, emotional, social, moral,
and academic well- being. This is the reason why the family that heterosexual married couples form is
still the proper environment children must grow in.
Family Life
The home is an haven love and life. Each family has unique practices and ways of loving and living
together. Family life refers to the culture, traditions, customs, or activity of a family that can either build
up or weaken the development of each member.
 Parenting styles
There are parents who generally impose what they want for their children because the presume
they presume they know better, or that they see their children lacking in responsibility: must be
obeyed without questions: who hardly allow children to express themselves this called
authoritarian parenting.

 Communication Dynamics
Some families freely and openly express their feelings, thoughts, or need with one another
vocally or with gestures. Saying habitually, “’I love you ‘nay or tay’”, sharing one’s problem, or
giving an affectionate kiss or embrace are just examples. Communication Dynamics among
siblings establish the quality or deficit of their love with another that may endure or develop until
their adult life.
The manner in which communication happens at home may be attributed to the display attributed
to the display of personalities, parenting styles, or the conscious and educated effort of each
family member.

 Get together’s
The common occasions where family members gather completely or almost completely are
during meals, family dinner’s in particular: household chores especially on weekends: watching
television shows or movies: Family outings through malling , picnics or trips : clan reunions done
either annually or during special events such as weddings, funerals or when some overseas
relatives are on vacation: or perhaps during late night conversations sharing different generational
family stories, secrets, or just about anything from mundane to sublime.

 Household work and finances.

House chores for different families very depending on their financial status. Note, However, that
not all Filipino families in the middle class and above have household helpers for several reasons-
it is hard to get even just one who trustworthy, there is a low turnover of helpers due to the
attitude of the employers , or parents want their children to learn how to work and manage the
house.
 House Rules
People have differences and imperfections and these are present within families. Rules are
therefore meant for putting order and peaceful coexistence. The effective rules in the house are
the ones deliberated on by both parents and children, especially if the latter are adolescents.
 Belief System
Much of the practices or the absence of adolescents spiritual faith mainly depend upon the parents
example. Mothers and women are generally more pious. However, both mothers and fathers are
essentially spiritual and moral leaders at home. Their spiritual beliefs or non- practice of faith
influence in their own conduct , the way they guide their children and the specific moral system
respected in the family. There are families with strong shared spirituality and dedicate time for
family prayer.

Genogram
It was previously cited that some people migrate to other countries for better economic prospects
to support their families.
A Genogram is then a god tool to provide information about the multiple extended family
members and the specific biological and interpersonal relationships between them.
The genogram will help probe the family values passed from preceding generations that may
play a substantial role in the development of an individual.

Social Relationships
In our childhood days, we started establishing natural and wider social connection either by
playing with the other kids in the neigborhood or going to school. As we get older, we increased
these connections that became the basic condition for working together.

Features of Social Influence

To influence means to move other persons to follow one’s goals or desires through actions or the
use of emotions and reasoning. If the goals are morally helpful, the influence is considered to be
a positive one. To Illustrate , adolescents who have a good academic performance and whose
friends struggle to get good grades because of their constant encouragement epitomize a positive
influence. On the negative side, peer pressure may push some adolescents to engage in risky
behaviors such as drinking, smoking, delinquency, drug addiction, or sexual activity that become
the trend within the clique and which yield destructive consequences.

In almost groups, there are leaders and followers. Leaders and Followers possess unique qualities
which are fundamental for the success or failure of any group work. Leaders can definitely
influence positively or negatively according to their actions.
Followers are also leaders in their own right. When they know how to follow and understand why
they follow, they lead themselves to what is true and good, becoming god role models for others
to emulate.
The above features of leadership and followership indeed show their reciprocal qualities.

Personal Relationships
When we talk about relationships status, what comes instantly to our minds is the Facebook
slang: single, in a relationship, or complicated. The usage of these statuses can be deceiving and
usually unacceptable in the formal or legal usage, that is, the civil status: single, married, or
separated.
With the use of the internet and the different handheld devices, teens may enter into
“relationships” that do not have clear defined status or devoid of a healthy basis.
 “Is my attraction simple an infatuation or borne out of real romantic love? What is romantic love
anyway? How do I know if it’s real love? Mixed and limitless answers can be generated from
these questions.
The responsible use of the heart is guided by cognitive skills and the correct understanding of the
dynamics of attraction, love, and commitment.

Human Sexuality
In the past, the onset of sexual exploration occurs during adolescence as a consequences of their
physical and biological changes. Currently, media influence, pop culture, and gender ideology
have pushed children’s exposure to sex at a much younger age in either subliminal or intentional
means, despite the parents supervision.
Sexuality is the modality or manner of being human shown in the duality of the male and females
sexes. It refers not only to the sexual- physical characteristics of being man and woman but also
to their difference of procreative sexual organs their thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and behavior in
distinct buy appropriate ways.

2 Characteristics
Polarity –Natural intension
and
Complementarity – Natural attraction

Each gender and its quality perfect the other –their differences complement each other. Unlike
animals, The intelligent nature of humans sets the standards on the use and expressions of their
sexuality which will be broadly considered later.
The Gender ideology proposes a mutating gender definition – an opinion anyone can choose and
even create.

3 Basic actions of Human Sexuality

 Sexual Urge
Is a natural, instinctive, vital impulse, or urge directed toward the procreation of new life or
propagation of the human race.

When the sexual urge is satisfied, a free and controllable sexual act is done.
The only proper context by which a sexual is done, specifically the Sexual Intercourse.

Pornography
Is derived from Greek pornogrophos (pornè=prostitute + graphein = write)
That means any written material about the life and activities of prostitues.

1. Cerebral
 There is a relationship between porn viewing hours and the reduction of the reward
circuitry region in grey matter ( which consists mainly of neuron cell bodies from
which the nerve impulses originate ) of the brain.

Desentization
A lethargic reward activity or a callous response to pleasure, sexual pleasure being
one of them , is immediately activated, impressed upon the memory, and becomes
reinforced.

2. Psychological- Physiological
-Porn gives the person a a sense of intimacy based an illusion. The addicting effect
warps the brain and behavior making it lose control over one’s actions because
impulses or arousal override rational thought.

3. Social-emotional
It leads to an experience of loneliness and a feeling of futility about developing a
genuine and intimate relationship. There is a general tendency for a narcissistic
attitude, and a selfish pursuit of pleasure for the sake of pleasure which isolates the
person emotionally from other’s.

Attraction and Infatuation

When teen’s say “He’s hot or That guy is cute “, more often than not, they refer to the
physical appearance, be it the face the body. Being good looking like me hahaha and
exciting are what instantly attract.
The attraction to physical beauty is especially amplified by the standards of the
media, beauty companies, and society of what is beautiful not just among females but
even with males.

Infatuation
Is an obsession over someone.
A person who is infatuated, he/ she may also get blinded. He/ she may create a
exaggerate the ideal qualities or disregard the serious defects of the “special someone
“. Being so taken up with thoughts about the other person’s god looks and other
attractive qualities do not really equate with true love. Even if one claims he/she
“FALLEN IN LOVE” or is na “ LOVESICK “, it might just be an infatuation.

Lust and Love

Apart from the effects of pornography consumption, some adolescents may engage in
sexual activities because they lack the emotional nurturance from home, school, or
community and there are also strong influence pop media, peer culture, and the desire
to fit in. A relationship built on lust simply seeks for sensual or physical gratification.
One or both of the persons involved “believe” physical that love exists but feel deep
down that is something is still lacking and terribly wrong.
Lust is sometimes confused with loving when in fact , it using.

Lust
Is reinforced through exposure to porn or illicit and early sexual experiences.
Is “loving” the person for what he/she is rather than who he/she is.
The lust that mainly governs a relationship leaves a heavier weight of emotional
wounds: regret, sadness, frustration, feelings of emptiness, shame , and anger due to
fighting that all lead to a break up.

For adolescents, real love is shown through sexual abstinence, also known as risk
avoidance- putting off the instinctive sexual enjoyment until marriage .

Authentic love converts simple feelings into healthy dispositions.

The virtue of purity or chastity is indispensable in practicing sexual integrity.

Without this virtue, it is impossible to understand real love:
And sex becomes a dirty and sticky subject, stickier than tar. Real love helps
adolescents acquire a healthy and positive and conscience free from fears and
complexes.

Courtship
Many adolescent boys and girls may enter early into a relationship because of
seemingly feeble reasons: they find each other very attractive, others are into it, it is
about time, or “love” just struck them.
Of course, a lot of romantic relationships taking the traditional courtship stage are still
developed.
However, there are cases when the boy and girl have mutual understanding without
any formal wooing. Entering into a formal romantic relationship is already kind of
preparation for a possible marriage even if it is still quite remote> The person may
ask himself/himself “Is the kind of person I want to marry when I’m old enough and
ready”.

Commitment
It is but natural for a young love to remain mostly at the level of feelings_ tender,
cute, passionate, or mushy. But late teens are also capable of looking into the future
and the rational objective of their relationships.
A lot of them intend to make their relationships culminate into marriage after they
have established their own careers.

Marriage
Is a very strong proof of commitment. It is the fruit of love, an expression of present
of love, and commitment of future love.

Commitment or faithfulness is a consequences of true and mature love learned

through constant refining of the gushes of passion. A healthy romantic bond lives by
a pledge to being responsible and perform obligations proper to love.

AVODING SEXUAL EXPERIENCES PRIOR TO MARRIAGE HOLDS TO

REASON!.
TO GIVE ONE’S BODY TO SOMEONE IS TO GIVE THE PRECIOUS,
INTIMATE, PERSONAL, AND THE ENTIRE SELF TO ANOTHER.
WHEN THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP ENDS, THIS THING THAT IS
PRECIOUS, INTIMATE, AND PERSONAL GOES WOTH OTHER WHICH CAN
NEVER BE TAKEN BACK.
ISU NGA KONTROLEN YU TI KINASAYET YU KEN KINAGATEL YO!-

Loveteam game plan

From the extensive analysis of the elements of personal relationships above, you will
realize how big the responsibility is in building and maintaining the said
relationships.
In the case of those whose romantic relationships are not truly responsible and
healthy, the cognitive method can be effective.
Some adolescents who initiate an early romantic relationship to be secretive and
exclude other important people in their lives.
However, real love is a teamwork that in unavoidably involves the support or help of
others.
Lastly,you have seen earlier the primordial importance of spiritual- moral
development.
Taking good care of you soul through a prayerful and virtuous lifestyle is guaranteed
antidote to the surges of bodily desires that occasionally run wild

“love begins at home, and it is not how much we do, but how much love we put in to
that action” – Mother Theresa