Alice in Wonderland Act One

Overture

Prologue

Queen – Everything changed when SHE came. Alice. You must know Alice. Who doesn’t know
that despicable creature! She ruined EVERYTHING! The Hatter said there was a muchness that
made her belong…..he loved her. Why shouldn’t he? He loved her the way a father loves a
daughter. He is insane now, went mad. He could not handle the many times Alice came and
went from Wonderland. Everyone knows when you go through the looking glass you lose your
memories, doesn’t make a difference if you are coming or going – your mind will always begin –
empty. My Wonderland was so utterly perfect before Alice came to ravage it. She bewitched
them all. The Cheshire Cat, the Caterpillar, her faithful flustered rabbit, the hatter and the white
queen….they all belonged to HER. And what am I left with now? I am someone who was left to
be forgotten….I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but I remember the day SHE arrived.
Everyone was waiting for her………

(BAM BAM)

WELCOME TO WONDERLAND

Alice – Mr. Rabbit, Wait! (Alice runs in and is caught with all the Characters)

Song: “Welcome to Wonderland” - Full Company

Welcome to Wonderland
My god it's half past eight
Who cares if you came late
We don't care where you've been
You're gonna fit right in
A little fun detour
A little crazy, sure
Don't get all insecure

Pardon me, but have you seen

Someone looking like a queen?
Sharpening a guillotine
Prob'ly just as well (Ha!)
She's capricious as can be
Lopping heads of by decree
This week severed forty-three
Cutting them pell mell

What a party has it started snowing?

Everyone not coming will be going
Do you know the queen of hearts new orders?
They're the same as always; close the boarders
Could she be the one, you know?
Tin man, lion or scarecrow?
Wait that's from a different show

ALICE:
Please start making sense

Have you seen my walrus dear?

Big mustache that's down to here
Made the oysters disappear
Claiming self-defense

ALICE:
Wait, I think you think I think I'm dreaming
And when I wake up I'll wake up screaming

We don't think as all we simply feel dear

ALICE:
Ok, someone tell me what's the deal here

Welcome to Wonderland
This is your new address
You'll love it more or less
No time to decompress

It's afternoon all day

There's lots of games to play
Flamingo lawn croquet
So please enjoy your stay

Everyday it's something new

Problems up the old wazoo
Rumors of a palace coup

ALICE:
Get me out of here

Answers are in short supply

Who, what, where, when, how or why
Cross my heart and hope to die
Get it into gear

When your alter-ego's interfering

Self-esteem cannot stop disappearing
Welcome to Wonderland
Start rocking with the band
You're going so darn fast
Your future's in your past
An author always knows
Which way the story goes
So tidy up loose ends
With a little help from your friends

Come on and sing along

Join our little band
Turn up the volume and keep on dancin'
Sit back, enjoy yourself and feel the river flow
Make sure the journey's worth the things you're chancin'
We're all a little nuts in case you
Ooblee, Ooblah
We'd love to stay here but we really gotta go
Ooblee, Oohblah

Life can be fantastic every minute

For as long as you can just stay in it

Welcome to Wonderland
Where everything you see
I mean from "A" to "Z"
Ain't what it seems to be
Welcome to Wonderland
Set phasers up to stun
Turn off the lights when done
Good luck and thanks a ton
Ciao, baby, gotta run

SERVER 1/Time: Your table is ready, Madame.

ALICE: I didn’t ask for a table.

SERVER 2/Time: (Rudely.) You’re wasting our time! Sit down! (ALICE sits.) Now what ya
want?
We are at your service, Madame. What do you desire?

ALICE: I ... I ... uh ... don’t know.

SERVER 1/Time: May I recommend the pigeon pie.

ALICE: (Grossed out.) I don’t think so.

SERVER 2/Time: Perhaps the earthworm quiche. The robins really love that one.
ALICE: Earthworm quiche?

SERVER 1/Time: We also have excellent mud pies. Made with real mud. I know just what you
need. You’ll love it! (to Audience) She’s not going to like it!

Alice – the service in this establishment really stinks! (Handed a Bottle) Drink me! Responsibly.

“Drink Me” Song – sung by The Unicorn and the Lion

Bottoms up - take a drink, swim or sink

Till you find yourself

It's a dream - if you blink, in a wink

You'll awake

Run the risk - take a chance

Circumstance will be good to you

Make a door and then simply walk right through...

Alice – I will save this for later….

RABBIT: Tardy again! I can never be on time! That’s the story of my life! (To ALICE.) Do
you have the correct time?
(ALICE looks at her watch.)

ALICE: It’s ten o’clock.

RABBIT: Why am I always Tardy? Tardy is bad! On time is good! Early is better!

Which way to the uptown train?

(ALICE points left.) Which way to the downtown train? (ALICE
points left.) Which way to the crosstown train?
(ALICE points left.)
How do I know you’re telling the truth?

ALICE: Do you see the sign that says “subway”?

RABBIT: (Looking left.) What sign?

(STAGE MANAGER enters left holding a sign that says “Subway.” HE points left.)
Oh. That sign.
ALICE: Unless the sign’s wrong, that’s the subway. You can go uptown, downtown or
crosstown.

RABBIT: Okay, here’s a tricky question. Which way is the airport? (ALICE points upstage.)

ALICE: Wait! You dropped something earlier! Your glove and fan……(Exits left.)

TIME

TIME:

STAGE MANAGER: Excuse me.

TIME: What?
STAGE MANAGER: Well ... I don’t know how to say this ... but the director wants to
replace you.
TIME: Why?
STAGE MANAGER: You’re about as interesting as watching paint dry.
TIME: But I’m a professional storyteller!
STAGE MANAGER: Maybe so, but the director wants a version that has street smarts.

TIME: Street smarts? We’re talking about “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland!” Not
“Law and Order!” (Or other familiar urban-setting story.)
STAGE MANAGER: Sorry.
TIME: (Begs on hands and knees.) Please don’t replace me! My Aunt Hilda came all the way from
Cleveland (Or other location.) just to see me!
STAGE MANAGER: Look man, I only work here.
TIME: I won’t be boring anymore! I promise! And I can make the story really interesting,
and up to date.

STAGE MANAGER: I doubt that.

TIME: I’ll prove it! Watch! (Puts on sunglasses) What’d ya think?
STAGE MANAGER: I think you’re weird.
 RABBIT AND CATERPILLAR

RABBIT: There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. You can take my luggage to
the hotel suite. My tuxedo is to go to the dry cleaners, and you are to take my sweat pants
and hoodies to the laundry mat. For dinner I will have carrot cake, followed by carrot stew
and a glass of carrot juice. Carrots on the half shell would make a nice appetizer. Well?
Get on with it!
(HE points right. ALICE exits right and returns with an armful of luggage.)
ALICE: Where do you want this?
RABBIT: Don’t you listen? Mary Ann what has gotten into you these days?
ALICE: I’m not MaryAnn!
RABBIT: Then why are you carrying my luggage?
(RABBIT exits left, followed by ALICE. CATERPILLAR enters right, sits in lotus position and
meditates.)
ALICE: I’m not carrying your luggage! (Throws luggage off stage)

Song - “Advice From a Caterpillar” – Caterpillar, Alice and Company

CATERPILLAR
Oooooh whoo
Who are you?

COMPANY
Who are you?

ALICE
A tenant, I don?t suppose you are the super

CATERPILLAR
Who are you?

COPMANY
Who are you?
ALICE
Apartment 8A, as in Alice
Look I can see or find a service elevator
But I'm hoping that whatever comes down must go up

CATERPILLAR
Who are you?

COMPANY
Who are you? are you?

ALICE
Seems that I should be asking you that question

CATERPILLAR
Identity is a tricky, tricky business
You think you are somebody till suddenly you are not
You are not your name and you are not your address
Cause the you who you remember is who you forgot

Heed this a advice from a caterpillar,

I know a thing or two of metamorphosis
Fool's paradise is you standing stiller
while the river rush in round is the thing you miss

ALICE
The way you talk sounds like a fortune cookie
Instead of how things really are

COMPNAY
Tell us who are you

CATERPILLAR
Well pardon me let's to look and see
You That you been Work and working out to far
Life is like jazz, things
Are always changing
Just when you learn the tone is time to modulate
Razzamatazzriffs arrearangin when the
You better sing it in tune
Melody is simple, then doný complicate

COMPANY
So who are you? You?
Tell us True, Tell us True

ALICE
It is just me or only speaks in riddles?
And never answer me at all

CATERPILLAR
The more things change, the more they stay the same
From a distance you look smaller, but you are just as tall

COMPANY
Tell us who are you?

CATERPILLAR
So who are you? I´ll repeat, repeat the question

COMPANY
So tell us who you are?

CATERPILLAR
Are you prepared to tell me what you are looking for?

COMPANY
Tell us what you are looking for?

You need a clue, well then here´s my suggestion?

If you can?t see what's in front of you them look some more

CATERPILLAR
OOH ooh
Hear what Im saying girl,
You think we brought you here so you can sit back and relax?

COMPANY
Be you ever so quick
With vision keen
By your eyes we are never seen
Unless per chance
It should comes to pass you
see our reflection in a looking glass

CATERPILLAR
Tell you what cha do
Every time or two
While you are passing through
From your point of view
Find out

COMPANY
Who are you?
Caterpillar ”Hear what I am saying girl! Think why we have brought you here?

Alice – Brought me here?

Catepillar - You followed the rabbit didn’t you – they always follow the rabbit! No pay attention
– time is running out and you are running late

Alice – Late ?

Caterpillar – we have been waiting for you

Alice – waiting for me?

Caterpillar ”Please darling, I can’t be bothered - find our who are you! I’m far too important!

Alice "This place is so confusing and I've changed so much today. I feel as though my head
were on backwards. "

Caterpillar “Really now some one with their head on backwards that would be worth my time,
show me.”

Alice "Well, I didn't mean it literally. No ones head can really be on backwards.”

Caterpillar ”hmff you would be surprised. I once saw a man do a trick like that.”

Alice "really?!”

Caterpillar ”really”

Alice "that’s impossible”

Caterpillar ”is not”

Alice "is too”

Caterpillar ”is not “

Alice "is too”

Caterpillar ”is not”

Alice "is too”

Alice One day you’ll go through metamorphosis

Caterpillar "STOP MAKING UP WORDS!!!!!!!!!!! "

Alice "Then you’ll become a beautiful butterfly "

Caterpillar "Don’t say that word.”

Alice "What, butterfly? "

Caterpillar "hiss "

Alice "and you’ll be a beautiful butterfly and you’ll get married and have little Caterpillars of
your own to take care of "
Caterpillar "I t is time you were on your way

Alice “Please help me If you won’t tell me how to leave could you tell me how to find the white
rabbit? He’s the one I followed here. Maybe he can help me find a way out."

Caterpillar - Go with the flow – your on Wonderland savings time now, besides you cant get
home until you find the answer to the question

Alice – whats the question?

Caterpillar – find out – who are you. (black out) Listen carefully Great danger lies ahead for
you, darkness and despair – your heart will be filled with no hope

Alice – and?

Caterpillar – no… that was it.

CHESIRE CAT

GRINNING CAT: Hello

Alice - What was that?
Time - The Cheshire cat – he thinks he is invisible, but he lost that power a long time ago – we
just don’t have the heart to tell him.
GRINNING CAT: I said Hello!
ALICE: Grinning like that?
GRINNING CAT: what is the matter, cat got your tongue?
ALICE: You’re kind of creeping me out.
Cat – Im the Cheshire cat – but you can call me chet.
Alice – Chet…
Cat – yes, it is crazy I know, but we are all mad here. Sure sometimes you gotta find yourself,
but sometimes its good to lose your self.
Alice – Im kinda lost at the moment, 5 minutes ago I was in Queens
Cat – Alice! We have been expecting you! Lately you have been lost in a lot of places, but here
we can put you on the right path. Take the subway up to 116th Street, cross over to Amsterdam
Avenue, take a bus south to 14th Street, cross over to Eighth Avenue, take a cab to Columbus
Circle, and cross the street.
ALICE: Are you from Queens?
GRINNING CAT - Meow. (ALICE looks at GRINNING CAT, who grins.)
ALICE: Why are you doing that?
GRINNING CAT: Doing what? (Grins.)
ALICE: Nevermind
Cat – You need to relax!

 Song - Go With the Flow – Cat and Company

Cat - Bienvenidos to the neighborhood hang

Say buenos dias to the rest of the gang
Pull up a stoop and let's relax for a while

El Cato's gonna 'splain the facts for a while

Life's unpredictable-

ALICE:
What a news flash!

Cat
I see you see how it is
The best laid plan of the mouse and man
Is to improvise the things you plan to do,
Get used to life on the brink
Way out on a limb
You don't need to think when it's sink or swim
No hesitating, no sense waiting
Why not jump right in and let the rhythm take you
Where you go with the flow
You used to be the best muchacha there was
Before you got so dazzled by all the buzz
The you you used to be you gotta go find
The part of you that somehow got left behind
Turn up the music and put the top down
Let the convertible cruise Get some amigos
And close the shop down
And then listen what El Cato says to you
My little Alice, be wise
You live on the ledge

BOTH:
You don't analyze about the cutting edge
Cat:
Shut up and listen to what's missin'
Till you hear the you you used to be
and then finally
You go with the flow
You don't fight the tide
Then let your intuition be your guide
Get back in your groove, then things improve when
You have decided to stop fighting it and
Finally you go with the flow
Don't need a lesson to stop your stressin'
Don't need a Ph.D
For you to heal it, you gotta feel it
Get it together and then let it be

"It's a guitar" 5, 6,7, 8!

Turn up the music and keep the top down

Let the convertible cruise

ALICE:
Get into gear

CAT:
Get some amigos and close the shop down
And then close your eyes and improvise a tranquilizer
Go with the flow

BOTH:
You go with the flow

COMPANY:
Go with the flow
You don't fight the tide
Then let your intuition be your guide
Get back your groove, then things improve when
You have decided to stop fighting it
and finally you go with the flow

CAT:
You must learn to seize opportunities
There's no undertow going with the flow

Alice – I will go with the flow, I have no idea which way

Cat – That’s good, that’s Good! if you don’t know where your going then any road will take you
there. You’re on your way, hasta luego

Alice – If I never see you again, come visit me, you know how to get to Queens?

Cat – Nope

Alice – Brooklyn, Staten Island?

Cat – Nada

Alice – the bronx

Cat – oh where, Yankees play sure!

Alice – Oh look theres the white rabbit

Cat – Oh no don’t talk to him he works for the Queen

Alice – but he’s the one who got me into this mess, hey you Rabbit!

Rabbit – Hey you – Homosapien! Demeaning isn’t it? Any way I cant stop to talk to you, Im
Tardy Im Tardy!

Alice – I thought I was Im late! Im Late!

Rabbit – Disney Owns the rights.

Alice and the Rabbit

RABBIT: I’m sorry I can’t stop, I’ll be late for my ointment.

ALICE: Ointment? Don’t you mean appointment?

RABBIT: That as well. I’m three days late for it already.

ALICE: Then another few minutes won’t make all that much difference.

RABBIT: That is so true. How can I be of any persistence –er insistence –er help to you?

ALICE: I want to go home.

RABBIT: You sound like another whiney teenager I heard about from my friend Mr. Scare S.
Crow. Home, eh? Mmm. Best follow me!

(He starts marching on the spot. Alice does likewise.)

ALICE: Where are we going?

RABBIT: I’ll know when we get there. Halt! We’re here.

ALICE: But we haven’t moved.

RABBIT: Of course we have Mary Ann. I just saw you do it. It’s time that stood still, that’s all.

ALICE: Im not Mary Ann, Im Alice and I want to go home

RABBIT: Oh That sound’s nice but we’re here, you have arrived, welcome….

ALICE: But where exactly are we?

RABBIT: Why the Duchess’s Kitchen, that’s where.

DUTCHESS AND COOK

Cook – What do you want?

Rabbit – a Message from the queen
Cook – Its an invitation from the queen
Rabbit – I said Message
Cook – that is what I said Mr. Fuzzy
Duchess – What is all this fuss?! I cant get the baby to sleep with all this noise. An invitation?
Let me see..(they all crowd over her) DO YOU MIND! !
Cook – Please convey our deepest sincerest thanks to her majesty
Duchess – inform my sister I will be delighted to attend just as soon as I find a suitable babysitter
for the baby
Rabbit – Very Good, Mary Ann just happens to be available!
Cook – Mary Ann there you are!
Duchess – And just when we need you too!
Rabbit – Well, Im off! Im late!
Alice – Wait Mr. Rabbit….
Duchess – Come Mary Ann..
ALICE: I’m not here to babysit!
Cook: Listen cupcake! We have a previous engagement! You stay here and take care of Junior.
You’ll like him ... eventually. Or you’ll hate him as much as you do at first.
Duchess – Don’t rush the child cook, she is shy, and she will answer when she is ready! 9Baby
Cries) Oh no not again
Alice – please mind what you are doing to the baby
Duchess – See I told you she would speak when she was ready to! No here, Mary Ann you take
the baby, take good care of it
Alice – but I am not Mary Ann
Duchess – (laughs) if only your mother knew how silly you really are! Just remember the old
saying…
Cook – be what you seem to be, never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what you might
appear to be to others, - that what you were or are or might be have been not otherwise
appeared to them to be otherwise.
Alice – I have no idea what your talking about
Duchess – you don’t know much and that’s a fact!
Alice – You’re in sane.
Duchess –You will find pepper soup in the bottle and put it to bed early WITH a spanking!
Alice – You needn’t grunt at me like that. Oh and your so heavy for such a little baby. And ugly
too! Oh, my goodness, you’re not a baby, you’re a pig! Oh of all the …..I wish I have never
seen the Rabbit, I wish I was safe back at home!
Song – HOME

Knave – A Damsal in distress!

Alice – Hi….
Knave – With fortitude and boldness
Alice - Im following the white rabbit
Knave - There is a reception happening in wonderland
Alice - Is it a friendly crowd?

Knave - I don’t know, it’s a bunch of people trying to get rid everything and everyone and
they haven’t a clue what to put in its place
Alice - What are they called?
Knave - The tea party
Alice - I don’t understand?
Knave - Its the mad tea party

MAD TEA PARTY

Song - Mad Tea Party – Company

Hello, goodbye, let's see if pigs can really fly

You know, the tea, is all the way from India, you see

And though that isn't it near

It tastes as if we grew it here

Low tea, high tea ...

Drink your own but don't drink my tea

Knave – there the mArch Hare, he kinda watches thing for the Mad Hatter Hare! This strange
later is from NY

Hare: Do you have a reservation?

Alice - About coming here? Yes.

Hare - We're booked straight up thru the apocalypse Name of the reservation?

Alice - Alice

Hare – (Evil laugh) – there is only one Alice, the mad hatter will want to meet you!

If there's tea well then it must be

Summertime in the late afternoon

Make a pot, even if it's not ...

It'll be time for tea pretty soon

Low tea, high tea ... drink your own but don't drink my tea
 If there's tea well then it must be

Summertime in the late afternoon

Make a pot, even if it's not ...

It'll be time for tea pretty soon

Hare – Sit!

Song - The Mad Hatter – The Mad Hatter and Company

Hatter:

Well Hello, there, it\'s me

With how it\'s gonna be,

Settle down and listen up good.

Hatter & Company:

The old Hatter is gone

But the Hat must go on

Worn by me/him, is that understood?

Hatter:

So shut up and tow the line,

While I redefine

How this all will be mine.

I have a dream,

It\'s got a full head of steam!

Company -
What is true what is not

Can both change in a shot

And people, him,

He couldn\'t care less.

\'Cause in two seconds flat

Livin\' under his hat

Is the strategy for success.

Hatter -

I will look the other way

When you want to play

Something more than croquet.

You catch my drift?

My little personal gift!

ALL -

I\'m/he’s the Mad Hatter

Come and follow me, this is it.

The Mad Hatter,

All you gotta do is submit.

And if you don\'t my friend,

Well then in the end,

There\'ll be nothing left to defend.

Know what I mean?

When you are facing the Queen.

Uppercase, double-spaced

Everyone gets a taste,

And a brand new leather hat band.

But to participate,

Let me reiterate

Hatter -

You must first put me in command.

I\'m the wonder, understand,

Under Wonderland,

Put the reigns in my hand.

I\'ll do the rest,

As soon as you\'ve acquiesced!

I\'m the Mad Hatter

Offering a little bit more.

The Mad Hatter,

Giving you what you\'re looking for.

I am your best worst case

For the choice you face,

And the fastest rat in the race!

It\'s me or the queen

And her serene guillotine.

ALL -

There is nothing he won\'t do,

There is nothing too taboo,

He will lie, He will cheat,

He will track you down

And then hit delete tout suite!

So sweetie let me repeat...

He’s the Mad Hatter,

Lend allegiance while you still can,

The Mad Hatter

More than just a Hat with a plan.

Hatter -
 I am where you belong,

The right kind of wrong,

And I\'ll still be going real strong!

All -

The bottom line

Is everything will be fine.

As all the planets align,

It\'s gonna be so divine.

Hatter -

When all of this will be MINE!!

Alice Oh dear, this is very uncomfortable. Im about to have tea with someone who
wants world domination. Not a very good role model is he?

Hatter and
Hare[together]: No room! No room!

Alice:
There’s plenty of room!

[Alice sits down in an armchair at the end of the table next to the Hare.]
Hare:
[encouragingly] Have some wine

[Alice looks all around the table]

Alice:
I don’t see any wine.
Hare:
There isn’t any.
Alice:
[angrily] Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it!
Hare:
It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited.
Alice:
I didn’t know it was your table. It’s laid for a great many more than three.
Hatter:
Your hair needs cutting.
Alice:
You should learn not to make personal remarks. It’s very rude.

Hatter:
[Taking his watch out of his pocket and looking at it uneasily.] What day
of the month is it?
Hare:
[After consideration] The fourth.
Dormouse:
[Sighing] Two days wrong!
Alice:
What a funny watch. It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell what
Hatter: o’clock it is.

Alice: Why should it? Does your watch tell you what year it is?

Hatter, Hare I don’t have a watch

and
Doormouse: No Watch?!
Which is just the case with mine.
Alice:
[Puzzled but polite] I don’t quite understand you.
Hatter:
Of course, of course. Just as I was going to remark myself, she doesn’t
understand us!
Hare:
[Sighing wearily] I think you might do something better with the time than
wasting it.
Hatter:
If you knew Time as well as I do you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s
Alice: him.

Hatter: I don’t know what you mean.

Alice: Of course you don’t. I dare say you never even spoke to Time.

Hatter: Perhaps not. But I know how to beat time when I learn music.

Alice: Ah, that accounts for it. He won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on
good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock. For
instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morning, just time to begin
lessons, you’d only have to whisper a hint to Time and round goes the clock
Alice: in a twinkling. Half past one, time for lunch!
Hatter: [To herself] I only wish it were.

Hare: It? Time is not an IT.

Dormouse: She is not a he she’s a She!

Here, you borrow my spare watch… but you could keep it to half past one
Alice: as long as you liked.

Hare: Thank you, so may I meet her?

Alice: Her who?

Hatter: Time

[Shaking his head mournfully] No, No. We quarreled last March – just
Alice: before he went mad, you know.

Hatter:
Who went mad?
Hare:
Who are you? Mary Ann?
Hatter:
Yes, Yes, Mary Ann, I’ve heard something like it.

Alice: No no not something…someone.. (Reaches for Alice) Mary Ann…..My

Daugh…..

Alice and Door Up above the world you fly

Mouse: Like a tea-tray in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle…..
Doormouse:
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little bat – how I wonder where your at.
Hatter:

It was her special Lullaby, sung to her by her Father

Alice
Suppose we change the subject? I’m getting tired of this. I vote the young
lady tells us a story.
Hare:
[Alarmed] I’m afraid I don’t know one.
Door MOuse:

Then the Dormouse shall!

Alice:
 Once upon a time there were three little sisters and their names were Elsie,
Door MOuse: Lacie and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well –

What did they live on?

Alice: They lived on treacle.

They couldn’t have done that, you know. They’d have been very ill.
Hatter: So they were. Very ill.

But why did they live at the bottom of a well?

[To Alice, earnestly] Take some more tea

Hare: I’ve had nothing yet so I can’t take more.

Hatter: You mean you can’t take less. It’s very easy to take more than nothing.

Nobody asked your opinion.

Alice:
Who’s making personal remarks now?
Doormouse:
[Instead of replying, Alice helps herself to tea and bread-and-butter. To
Alice: the Dormouse - ] Why did they live at the bottom of a well?

Hatter: It was a treacle-well.

Alice: There’s no such thing…

If you can’t be civil, you’d better finish the story for yourself.

No, please go on. I won’t interrupt again.

March Hare: Would you like a cup of tea?

Alice: Of course!

Mad Hatter: Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!

Alice: But I haven’t used my cup!

March Hare: Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down, clean cup, clean cup, move down!
Mad Hatter: And now, my dear, something seems to be troubling you. Uh, won’t you tell

us all about it?

March Hare: Start from the beginning.

Mad Hatter: Tea?

March Hare: Just half a cup if you don’t mind.

March Hare: I have an excellent idea! Let’s change the subject!

Alice: Again!

Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Alice: Riddles? Let me see now. Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Mad Hatter: I beg your pardon?

Alice: Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Mad Hatter: Why is a what?

March Hare: Careful! She’s stark raving mad!

Alice: But- but it’s your silly riddle! You just said…

March Hare: How about a nice cup of tea?

Alice: A nice cup of tea, indeed! Well, I’m sorry, but I just have no time!

March Hare: The time, the time! Who’s got the time?

White Rabbit : No, no, no, no! No time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye! I’m late! I’m

late!
Alice: The white rabbit!

White Rabbit : Oh, I’m so late! I’m so very very late!

Mad Hatter: Well, no wonder you’re late! Why, this clock is exactly two days slow!

White Rabbit : Two days slow?!

Mad Hatter: Of course you’re late. Hahaha! My goodness. We’ll have to look into this.

A-ha! I see what’s wrong with it! Why, this watch is full of wheels!

White Rabbit : Oh, my poor watch! Oh, my wheels! My springs! But- but- but- but, but- but-

but… (The trio puts on Blue Lab Coats medical Gloves and Masks)

Mad Hatter: Scalpel!

Door Mouse: Scalpel!

March Hare: Scalpel!

Mad Hatter: Forceps!

Door Mouse: Ooo I remember these…..

March Hare: Forceps!

White Rabbit: For-for-ceps?!

Door Mouse: Its for the Baby

Mad Hatter: Pliers!

Door Mouse: Pliers!

March Hare: Pliers!

White Rabbit: Oh no no, no no no

Mad Hatter: Scissors!

Door Mouse: Skip Me – I like to run with Scissors

March Hare: Coming your way!

Mad Hatter: Peanut Butter!

Door Mouse: Peanut Butter!

March Hare: Peanut Butter!

Mad Hatter: And finally, some lime juice!

Door Mouse: Lime Juice

March Hare: Lime Juice

White Rabbit: Oh no. Not lime juice.

Mad Hatter: Oh look at that!

March Hare: Its going mad!

Alice: Oh, my goodness!

White Rabbit: Oh dear!

March Hare: It is going mad! Mad watch! Mad watch!

Mad Hatter and Door Mouse: Duck and Cover!!!!

March hare: There’s only one way to stop a mad watch! (hitting the watch)

Mad Hatter: Two days slow, that’s what it is.

White Rabbit: Oh, my watch…

Mad Hatter: It was, is, sort of….

Rabbit: Oh Bother! Im Late – Come Mary Ann! Bring my Goves!

Alice: Of all the silly nonsense, this is the stupidest tea party I’ve ever been to in all

my life. Well, I’ve had enough nonsense. I’m going home. Straight home.

That rabbit. Who cares where he’s going anyway. Why, if it hadn’t been for

him I… Hmm, curious. I don’t remember this. Now let me see… Oh! Uh, no no, please.

No more nonsense. Now, if I came this way, I should go back this way!

Alice & Time

Alice: (Sitting and crying) I wish I knew what made Wonderland so nonsensical.

Time: ( arrives via proof of glitter)(cough) I knew that was a bad idea (cough cough) I always get
it in my eyes (cough cough )and my nose (sneeze)

Alice: Who in heavens name are you?

Time: I’m time haven’t you heard about me? People have been mentioning me this whole play.

Alice: Play?

Time: Never mind you wouldn’t understand, but since you don’t know me, let me introduce
myself. I am time.

Alice: I thought time was supposed to be an old man. You know father time?

Time: Well, you got that wrong sweetheart, and might I say how incredibly sexist of you. Have
you heard of the women’s rights movement?!

Alice: no

Time: after your time

Alice: oh, well why are you here?

Time: You said you wanted Wonderland explained to you.

Alice: Well, yes.

Time: Well, seeing as I am one of the very few somewhat sane people left here, I figured I would
be one of the best people to explain it to you.

Alice: I was not aware that there were any sane people here.

Time: I’m sane relative to the rest of wonderland.

Alice: So you’re not sane.

Time: Look, Sweetie, here you get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit. Now, Shut your
mouth and listen. In the beginning Wonderland was your average normal enchanted forest. There
were the talking animals, and the singing birds, and the princesses who frolicked through fields
of flowers. You know classic fairytale material ruled over by a kind king and queen. They had
everything: nice family, big home, portrait over the fireplace, jester fountain, balconies, little
Squire named Devon, everything. But one day the king and queen got terribly ill and died.
Everybody mourned for days and even Devon wore black. And Devon never wore black.

Alice: What happened to them?

Time : Well, you see the something called the black plague seeped from the normal world into
ours. That terrible plague is one of the reasons why Wonderland and the normal world almost
never interact with each other anymore, and interdimensional communications have been shaky
at best. But the king queen had two daughters, twins, and in their death there was a power
vacuum. And both girls thought they deserved to be the ones to fill it. The girls were known as
lion and the unicorn. those were not actually their names that Is just what every one called them.
Lion was called so because of her ferocious temper and her unmatched courage not to mention
she was just plain scary. And the unicorn was known as such because of her kindness and her
role as peacemaker not to mention how she was terribly shy much like the real “mythical” beast.
My voice is getting kind of tired now so if you’ll just sit back relax and let me introduce you to
the wonderful future flashback.

Unicorn: Sister, it is so sad our parents are gone.

Lion: Yes, it is quite unfortunate, but now I believe is Time to usher in a new era in Wonderland.

Unicorn: Yes, it is time for the rightful heir to take the throne.

Lion: indeed
Unicorn:so...

Lion: so.....

(Both reached for the crown)

Unicorn: oh

Lion: oh um

Unicorn: oh..er so you think you are the rightful ruler of Wonderland?

Lion: of course

Unicorn: What makes you think so?

Lion: Well, for one thing I’m not a pushover who would give the peasants everything they want.

Unicorn: Well, I am pure of heart, and

I have a kind soul. I was always the peacemaker of the family. I should be the ruler. You were
always throwing tantrums and starting fights.

Lion: Listen, you hippie.

Unicorn:(Gasp) You take that back! You know I look terrible in tie-dye.

Lion: I won’t take it back.

Unicorn: I think mother and father would’ve wanted me to rule the kingdom.

Lion: Of course you do

Unicorn: what makes you think you should lead?

Lion: Well, for one thing, I’m much better leader material. I’m strong, brave, and I would lead
Wonderland to a new era of glory.

Unicorn: You mean you would bully them into a new era. I am kind and gentle. I would bring
peace to the Wonderlandeans. A Kingdom of harmony and happiness and and fabulousness and
adorable baby animals.

Lion: What is it with you and baby animals!

Time : (Pulls out remote) and mute (we still see you recorded lion fighting on other side of stage
unicorn hits lion with Harp etc. etc.)
Now as you can see they were having a bit of a disagreement about this. What the sisters didn’t
realize is the reason their parents were so successful is because they bought both sides to the
ruling: courage and kindness, strength and peacefulness, like um did you ever see that movie
Mulan 2? No? Who am I kidding, you don’t even have DVDs.

Alice : you’re a terribly confusing person

Time : thank you I try

Alice : just start at the beginning and at the end

Time : Time is it a straight line it’s a bunch of Whibley wobbly tiny whiny stuff you don’t even
know what that’s a quote from dang it

Alice : I what earth are you talking about

Time : well anyways on that day unicorn and lion decided they were to different to rule the
kingdom together but neither would let the other rule it on their own

Alice : how dreadful

Time : On that day they went their separate ways. Since that fight there have always been
opposing sides in Wonderland. The domineering and courageous, but often angry (and
sometimes violent side) like the lion, and the peaceful, kind, and harmonious side like the
unicorn. Both sides are important parts of the equation, but divided neither is as powerful as they
could be. So for hundreds of years we’ve had a battle between the lions of life and the unicorns
of life, though now they are not represented by lions and unicorns but by the colors red and
white. Both sides want control over Wonderland. The Lion and unicorn, as you may have heard,
are the red and white queens. The red queen has most power now because of a terrible sadness
she inflicted on her sister the white queen.

Alice : What did she do?

Time : She kidnapped the white queen‘s daughter and banished her to the human realm.

Alice : how cruel

Time: Yes, and since then the white queen has gotten even crazier, but the fight is gone from her
so the red queen has been slowly gaining more and more power over wonderland, terrorizing the
citizens. But her power is only façade. Without both sides neither achieves what they want. The
red does not have the strength and power it wants nor does the White side have the peace and
harmony it desires.

Alice: What happened to the daughter?

Time: No one knows. People say one day she will return to wonderland to dethrone the red
queen, but until then the Wonderlandeans live separate lives. Strong and courageous or kind and
peaceful- both sides, both red and white, have become distorted from what they want. White is
weak and too lenient, red is angry and cruel.

Alice: I wish there was something we could do to stop it.

Time : as do I, let us look backwards….

Mother & Daughter/Doctor & Patient

MaryAnn - ‘I’m very glad I happened to be in the way (Picking Up a shawl)

White Queen – Thank you child.

Mary Ann – Mother, Every single thing’s crooked — may I put your shawl straight for you?’

White Queen - I don’t know what’s the matter with it, It’s out of temper, I think. I’ve pinned it
here, and I’ve pinned it there, but there’s no pleasing it!’

MaryAnn - It can’t go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side, ‘Come, you look rather
better now!

Little Red Queen : Do you know where mother and father are? I was supposed to meet them
now. I need to get fitted for my wedding dress.

Hatter: Your Mother and father died. You are not getting married.

Little Red Queen: Oh, is the wedding off then? (Looks around) oh what a lovely room. I feel
like I recognize it.

Hatter: because you’ve seen it before

Little Red Queen: Oh, have ? (sees mirror) oh it’s it’s

Hatter : Yes, it’s a mirror. You remember mirrors don’t you?

Hatter: it’s the looking glass, here above the mantle in the great room of the palace
Little Red Queen : Yes, looking glass. I remember you had a looking glass that I shoved your
daughter through.

White Queen – Thank you daughter, That’s the effect of living backwards, ‘it always makes one
a little giddy at first —’

Mary Ann – Oh Mother! ‘Living backwards, such a thing!’

White Queen — but there’s one great advantage in it, that one’s memory works both ways.

Mary Ann - I’m sure mine only works one way.. ‘I can’t remember things before they happen.’

White Queen - It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards

Mary Ann - ‘What sort of things do you remember best?’

White Queen - ‘Oh, things that happened the week after next,’ ‘For instance, now,’ ‘there’s the
King’s Messenger, the Knave. He’s in prison now, being punished for a crime for helping
Auntie. and the trial doesn’t even begin till next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last
of all.’

Mary Ann – Auntie?! Suppose they never commits the crime?

White Queen - ‘That would be all the better, wouldn’t it?’ They wrong, at any rate, and needed
to be punished. ‘And you were all the better for it, I know!

Mary Ann - There’s a mistake somewhere, why was Auntie punished so severely, what did she
do…..

The White Queen - ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ ‘My finger’s bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!’

Mary Ann – Mother, ‘What Is the matter? ‘Have you pricked your finger?’

White Queen - ‘I haven’t pricked it yet, ‘but I soon shall…Just as you will soon leave------

Mary Ann – Leave, Mother you are silly, Im not going anywhere.

Hatter: I never had a daughter. You never got married. You became confused when mother and
father died.

Little Red Queen : But I remember it so clearly. You had a lovely little daughter.

Hatter: A coping mechanism you made up for yourself.

Little Red Queen : You were there.

Hatter: No, dear you’re getting confused. There was no party. It was no wedding. There was no
daughter. Now, let’s have the nave take you back to your room

Red queen : Yes, my room to continue plotting.

Hatter : I don’t think that’s what you really do.

Little Red queen : you’d be surprised

Bell dings

Hatter : Our time is up

White Queen - ‘Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a long way you’ve come to-
day. Consider what o’clock it is. Consider anything, only don’t cry when we are apart!’

Mary Ann - one can’t believe impossible things.

White Queen - Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
There goes the shawl again!’

Time - She looked at the Queen, who seemed to have suddenly wrapped herself up in wool.
Alice rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn’t make out what had happened at all. Was it
real? Or was she sitting on the other side of the looking glass? There were so many other curious
things to think about.

Little Red queen : Everybody likes her so much cause she’s so nice and sweet, aShe insists on
marrying for “love When will she realize kindness is weakness?
(Walks to mirror)

Little Red queen : I bet one day I’ll be the most powerful person in Wonderland.
Ones own reflection is more dangerous than one thinks. I just had to get rid of your daughter

Hatter: For the last time, I dont have a daughter. Why do you insist I…..

Little Red Queen – Is this not Wonderland?

Hatter – its is

Little Red Queen – Then you know time better than I do.

Hatter: I have a daughter? Time! We MUST Speak at Once!

(Phone alarm goes off time pulled out phone)

Time: Oh goodness, I’m late for my Zumba class. See you later Mary Ann
Alice – Mary Ann?

Song - TBA
 Alice in Wonderland Act 2

Entr'Acte

CHESHIRE CAT: Enjoying the view

ALICE: Um – no – I mean – I just have never seen you up close

before.

CHESHIRE CAT: Relax, its not like Im going to eat you..

ALICE: Oh thank heavens.

Cat – For now

Alice – Wait, what?

Cat – Rather jumpy today aren’t you.

Alice - I want to go home! But I... I can’t find my way.

CHESHIRE CAT: Oh, naturally. That’s because

you have no way. All ways here, you see, are the queen’s ways.

ALICE: The Queen?

CHESHIRE CAT: Oh, she’ll be mad

about you, simply mad!

ALICE: Please, please! Uh... how can I find her?

CHESHIRE CAT:
Well, some go this way, and so
me go that way. But as for me,
myself, personally, I prefer the shortcut.

ALICE:
But... but what shortcut?

CHESHIRE CAT:
Watch.

Alice – Nothing is happening

CHESHIRE CAT: Watch, look at your watch

ALICE: Oh, ok

CHESHIRE CAT: Well... what are you waiting for?

ALICE: I don’t know.

CHESHIRE CAT: Well, go on, then. Go on. You can take a short
cut to the palace through the Queens Garden, It’s a wonderful....
If you can survive it.

ALICE:

CHESHIRE CAT: "You don't have to abandon everyone. You're

carrying the spirit of the words you just spoke. You're carrying the
name. And you're carrying the story. The Duchess also told you about
the story, I believe. If you follow the path you believe in, even I will be
happy."

The Queens Garden

Song - Once More I Can See – Alice, Rose, Butterfly

Long ago and oh so far away

There were dreams that i recall
Full of unicorns who loved to play
Behind my garden walls
And the clouds would look like dragons tails
As they moved across the sky
And a tree could be the Prince of Wales
And little girls could fly

I remember every moment

How it was to just be me
And to my surprise
I look through your eyes
And once more i can see

I remember living in between

What was real and what is not
'Neath a sky of blue and a field of green
I long ago forgot
I remember rabbits running late
Underneath my mother's fence
And a singing cup and a talking plate
Who somehow both made sense
I remember every moment
I remember being free
And to my surprise
I look through your eyes
And I remember me

For somewhere deep inside me

There's a girl from way back when
She just needs your heart to guide me
And make her see again

I remember every moment

When my heart was young and free
And to my surprise
I look through your eyes
And once more I can see

ALICE: Oh, that was lovely.

ROSE: Thank you, my dear.

BUTTERFLY: Now, tell us what kind of garden you come from?

ALICE: Oh, I don’t come from any garden..

.
Butterfly: you don’t suppose she’s a wild flower?

ALICE: (LAUGHING) Oh, of course I’m not a wild flower...

ROSE: Well. Well, just what species are you, my dear?

ALICE: Well, I suppose you’d call me a... an Alice!

ROSE: Do you work in a cafe?

ALICE: No.

Rose: Why don't you come over here and sit.

ALICE: You live here?

ROSE: I do now.

ALICE: Because you're single? Ha Ha ya know, a single rose…

ROSE: Mmm hmm.

Butterfly: Who was your last boyfriend?

Rose: Was he english?

Butterfly: What happened to him?

Rose: Someone younger?

Butterfly: You've got a great face.

ALICE: Doesn't everyone?

Rose: I suppose so. I just... from the stories I have been told about
you, somehow, I thought you'd be less...

ALICE: What?! I don't know what exactly, What stories about

me?

Anna fixes Alice's hair.

Rose: That's really none of your business.

ALICE: Well, frankly It is.

Butterfly: Just as I suspected! Mary Ann, we thought!? She’s

nothing but a common weed!

ALICE: I am NOT this Mary Ann person everyone thinks I am

and I am certainly NOT a weed!

Rose: Well, you wouldn’t expect her to admit it. Would you?

Butterfly: Why does she stand there and go to seed?

Rose: Or go to root.

ALICE: Oh you two are ridiculous! I could pic up and take you
to a glass cup to live, for a short while and YOU – be careful, I
know a boy who uses nets to trap creatures with wings just to pin
them to a piece of square foam.

(Enter Jack of Hearts)

Jack of Hearts: Blimey! I didn’t think anyone knew I did that!

(whispers to Alice) Don’t tell my mom!

ALICE: Someday someone’s going to teach you manners.

Jack of Hearts: Yea, what she said!

Painting the Roses Red

Jack of Hearts: Ok, back to work…(talks to himself) painting the

roses red, gotta paint them all!!!

Alice: Oh, pardon me, but mister why must you paint them red?

Jack of Hearts: Huh? Oh! Well, the fact is, we planted the white

roses by mistake. And, the queen, she likes them red. If she see

this, she will raise a fuss and I will quickly lose my head.

Alice: Goodness!

Jack of Hearts: Since this is the thought we dread!

Alice: Oh dear! Then let me help you!

Jack of Hearts: Not pink, not green.

Alice: Not aquamarine.

Jack of Hearts: The Queen! The Queen!

Alice: Whoa Dr. Seuss moment much? The Queen?

Jack of Hearts: The Queen!

Alice: The rabbit!

White Rabbit: He…he… her imperial highness, he… her grace,

her excellency, her royal majesty, the Queen of Hearts! Oh and

the king .
SONG – Off with their Heads - The Queen of Hearts and
Company

It's off with their heads

It's the least i can do

Off with their heads

Is the only phrase that always rings true

Never gets old

So i say to you

With conviction

Off with their heads

It's my one real milieu

Every one dreads what the queen may say

Though hats they may doff

It will be off with their heads

I try to be even and fair

But as you see

I'm almost never

All quite there

Noblesse oblige

My derrier

When i demand all must adhere

I wave my hand and all my courtiers appear

And when they don't or if they won't

Loud and clear it's off with their heads

I don't care what they've done

Off with their heads

Is my first and second

Rule number one

Once you've begun well it's so much fun

All together

Off with their heads is a mantra of mine

Off with their heads is my bottom line

And if you dare scoff, well then it's off with your head

Don't need a congress or a constitution

For its a forgone conclusion

That every problem has the same solution

Persuade crusade with a

Custom made renewable

Doable and unmisconstruable

Stainless steel blade

Off with their heads

It's the least i can do

Off with their heads

Is the only phrase that always rings true

Baby it's off off off off off off off off off off

With their heads

Off with their heads

Off with their heads

Queen: Hum… Who’s been painting my roses red? Who’s been

painting my roses red? Someone will lose his head!

Jack of Hearts: Oh, no! Your majesty! Please, it’s all her fault!

Alice: Way to throw me under the bus! Oh, please, please! We

were only trying to…

Queen: what is that?

Jack of Hearts: Yep, no – never seen this before in my entire life!

King: Well I don’t quite know WHAT it is sweetgums, but we

can get rid of it if you like.

Queen – you , who are you, where do you come from and where

are you going?

Alice: Yes, um, my name is Alice…

Queen: Look up, speak nicely, and don’t twiddle your fingers!

Turn out your toes. Curtsey. Open your mouth a little wider, and
always say ‘yes, your majesty Queen of the awesome bodacious

eye catching arrogant fearless intrepid historic memorable

significant illustrious critical terrible distinguished heavy weight,

the red queen of the hearts.’!

Alice: Yes, your majesty,

NAAAAAAACCCCHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO

LIIIIIIIIIIIIBBBBREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Queen – You know him.! Im so fan girling!

Alice – And How do I address you?

King – Hey whats your buddy? (Random Audiences Name)

That’s my name.

Alice – (Curtseys) yes your Majesty (Audience name) As I was

saying I fell down the rabbit hole and was trying to find my

way…

(ALL Cast & Audience Gasp)

King – Oh Dear

Queen – do you not know all the ways here are MY way?! Off

with her head!

Alice – No! I mean its rather sudden and I like my head where it

is.
King: Oh Sugar Cookie! consider, my Queen. Couldn’t she have

a game… uh… first?

Queen – A game?

King: Well, just a… uh… little game? Please? For Me? Please

with goody goody gum drops on top?

Queen: I’ll ask the questions! Do you play Simon Says?

Alice: Why, yes, your majesty. (they Stare)

Naaacchoooolliibrreeeee (Her voice starts strong and falls faint)

Queen: Then let the game begin!

Rabbit - Hello Again mary ann, how do you like the game so far?

Alice- so far? We haven’t even started yet…

King – Having fun my dear?

Alice - does everything ALWAYS have to be backwards?

(Queen is Simon, All the Cast AND Audience Play!)

Simon says, "curtsey."

Simon says, "bow."

Simon says, "kneel."

Simon says, "meow."

Simon says, "swim upstream."

Simon says, "think about what I'm saying."

Simon says, "scream."

Simon says, "grovel at my feet like spineless dogs."

Now stand up! (All but Alice stand up.)

I didn't say "Simon Says!" Off with their heads!

Queen approaches Alice.

Queen: So you have play this game before?

Alice: Oh yes You Majesty, I love Simon Says.

Queen: Oh does Simon loves you, I wonder?

Queen: Simon Says stand up! Time for the second round. (Queen

grabs Alice hand to the front)

Queen continues ….ONLY Alice Plays

Simon says, "hop on one leg."

Simon says, "do jumping jacks."

Simon says, "leap like a frog."

Simon says, "melt like wax."

Simon says, "walk like a monster."

Simon says, "scream with no sound."

Simon says, "tap dance."

King: My Dear, you could be a Broadway star with talent like

that!
Queen – are you speaking to me or HER?

King – (looks at each one and says) You of course my lovely tart!

Queen -

Simon says, "hold one foot behind your back and wave your arms

and sing at the top of your lungs."

(Alice sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat)

Queen: Oh, I loathe that song! Stop singing, before my ears

explode! Take her away! To the hollow tree!

All Rant – the hollow tree!, yes she must go and find the truth in

the hollow tree..

Alice – whats the hollow tree

King - My thought is that Yoda intentionally burned down the

tree before Luke. This way Luke is unable to learn that the books

have already been taken by Rey.

Knave – no no, Yoda would have known she took the books and

he feared that if Luke found out they were gone he would think
less of Rey and assume she was headed down the same path as

Kylo.

Jack of Hearts – That’s not right, Yoda burnt the tree to help Luke

let go. He said that Rey already had the books, just not in a way

that Luke understood at the time.

Cook – (in Yodas voice with a Russian Twist) That place… is

strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In

you must go.

Alice – Will I live

King – No,

Alice – Whew Close one.

King – You Could Shatter like glass

All Men – May the force be with you, Live long and prosper, ET

phone home…..

Jack of Hearts – Na-noo, Na-noo, What?

Alice- He He, “Ill be back!”

Lights Out
 Little Queen

Time -

Mary Ann – (Play Acting) Well, this Is grand! ‘I never expected I

should be a Queen so soon — and I’ll tell you what it is, your
majesty,’ she went on in a severe tone (she was always rather
fond of scolding herself), ‘it’ll never do for you to be lolling about
on the grass like that! Queens have to be dignified, you know!’

MaryAnn – Mother, when I really am a Queen, shall I be able to

manage it quite well?

(White Queen sitting close to her, one on each side)

Alice – Auntie, Please, would you tell me —’

Auntie - ‘Speak when you’re spoken to!’

MaryAnn - ‘But if everybody obeyed that rule, ‘and if you only

spoke when you were spoken to, and the other person always
waited for you to begin, you see nobody would ever say anything,
so that —’

Auntie - ‘Ridiculous!’‘ Why, don’t you see, child —’. ‘What do

you mean by “When really are a Queen”? What right have you to
call yourself so? You can’t be a Queen, you know, till you’ve
passed the proper examination. And the sooner we begin it, the
better.’

White Queen - ‘Always speak the truth — think before you speak
— and write it down afterwards.’

Mary Ann - ‘I’m sure I didn’t mean —’

Auntie - ‘That’s just what I complain of! You should have meant!
What do you suppose is the use of child without any meaning?
Even a joke should have some meaning — and a child’s more
important than a joke, I hope. You couldn’t deny that, even if you
tried with both hands.’

Mary Ann - ‘I don’t deny things with my hands,’

Auntie - ‘Nobody said you did,’ ‘I said you couldn’t if you tried.’
White Queen – Now sister, ‘She’s in that state of mind,’ ‘that she
wants to deny something — only she doesn’t know what to deny!’

Auntie - ‘A nasty, vicious temper! ‘I invite you to Alice’s dinner-

party this afternoon.’

White Queen - ‘And I invite you.’

Mary Ann - ‘I didn’t know I was to have a party at all,; ‘but if

there is to be one, I think I ought to invite the guests.’

Auntie - ‘We gave you the opportunity of doing it, ‘but I daresay
you’ve not had many lessons in manners yet?’

Mary Ann - ‘Manners are not taught in lessons,’ ‘Lessons teach

you to do sums, and things of that sort.’

White Queen - And you do Addition?! ‘What’s one and one and
one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?’

Mary Ann - ‘I don’t know, ‘I lost count.’

Auntie - ‘She can’t do Addition,’ the Red Queen interrupted. ‘Can

you do Subtraction? Or perhaps Division? Divide a loaf by a knife
— what’s the answer to that?’

Mary Ann - I suppose —’

Auntie - ‘Bread-and-butter, of course.

Mary Ann - ‘What dreadful nonsense we are talking!’

Auntie - ‘Can you answer useful questions?’ How is bread

made?’

May Ann - ‘I know that!’ ‘You take some flour —’

Auntie- ‘Fan her head!‘ She’ll be feverish after so much

thinking.’

White Queen - ‘Don’t let us quarrel,’ the White Queen said in an

anxious tone. ‘What is the cause of lightning?’

Auntie - ‘Your Majesty must excuse her,’ she means well, but
she can’t help saying foolish things, as a general rule.’‘She never
was really well brought up,‘but it’s amazing how good-tempered
she is! ‘A little kindness — and putting her hair in papers —
would do wonders with her —’

(The White Queen gave a deep sigh, and laid her head on Alice’s
shoulder.)

White Queen – Why I am so sleepy?’

Auntie - ‘She’s tired, poor thing!’ I will Smooth her hair— and
sing her a soothing lullaby.

‘Hush-a-by lady, in MayAnns’s lap!

Till the feast’s ready, we’ve time for a nap:

When the feast’s over, we’ll go to the ball —

Red Queen, and White Queen, Mary Ann, and all!

Mary Anne – Red Queen? But you are never to become –

Red Queen – Hold Your tongue insolent girl. If you are not
careful; you will become my servant or better still – only a visitor
here in Wonderland, a distant memory….

Mary Ann - ‘I’m not a visitor, and I’m not a servant.

(Little Alice changes to big Alice)

Time -

‘To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said,

“I’ve a sceptre in hand, I’ve a crown on my head;

Alice – Wait what is happening?! I was just in the Garden!

Time - Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be,

Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me.”’

‘Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,

And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran:

Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea —

And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three!’

(Alice/Mary Ann walks towards the mirror each on the other side
reaching for one another)

Song - Home (reprise) Both Alice’s

Time (recites as the girls sing) - ‘“O Looking-Glass

creatures,“draw near!

’Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear:

’Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea

Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!”’

‘Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink,

Or anything else that is pleasant to drink:

Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine —

And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine!’

Queen of Hearts - You ought to return back the way you came
(Queen of Hearts pushes her towards the mirror)

White Queen – Take care of yourself MaryAnn, something is

going to happen, just as it did before…

Alice – Before? I was here before! I returned…I

REMEMBER!!!!!!

Queen of Hearts - ‘I can’t stand this any longer!’ ‘And as for you,
‘I’ll shake you into the looking glass, that I will! and for the last
time!!!!

White Queen - MaryAnn! Wait! No – not again! I remember –

Guards, by order of white Queen I command my sister of red
forever be tamed! Seize her!
(to the Knave) Quickly, find Hatter! We must undo what has
been done, the princess is trapped in the looking glass!

Song - Through the Looking Glass † – Alice & Company

All -

Through the looking glass we go,

Searching for the way things used to be,
All the things i used to know,
When my heart was young enough to see,

Alice -
Through my own reflection
Past my imperfection
Theres an eightsquare waiting,
No more hesitating.

All -
Through the looking glass we go,
Where the world is in reverse,
And the ending always starts a new beginning,

Through the mirror even though,

Things may go from bad to worse
Close your eyes and learn to believe,
so we can pass,
Through the Looking glass.

Here we come so clear the deck!

Bombs away, then look out below

Alice -

I am such a nervous wreck

Don't know up from down or friend from foe

Company -

Fear will make you braver,

Brave enough to save her,
Okay you and me then,
Get set one, two, three and..
Through the Looking Glass we go,
Where the front is always back,
And whats left is right,
And sometimes wrong is right,
Through the mirror even though,
Night is day, and white is black,

Alice - As my crazy life begins to approach,

Critical Mass!

All - Through the looking glass

Through the looking glass we go,

Alice - Towards the opposite of me,

All - When the towers ours,

all the counter-clockwise,

Through the looking glass we go,

Those two people that we see,
Look exactly like a vision of us,
About to pass…

All - Through the looking glass!

ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

STAGE MANAGER: Okay! That’s enough!
Time: Well? What do you think?
STAGE MANAGER: It’s a hopeless mess!
Time: So is the original story.
STAGE MANAGER: But it’s not THIS weird ... is it?
Time – Ya, it is.

STAGE MANAGER: (Unsure.) Well ... I guess you should finish the story. Wake Alice up
from her dream. (Exits left.)
Time: Okay. Let’s finish the story. (Claps his hands to get everyone’s attention.) Come on,
people! We’re on a schedule here! Let’s move it! So Alice and her Sister went on their merry
way: through the park, across the street, past the doorman, up the elevator, and back home,
where they watched television and ate Doritos. And for a long time Alice often thought
about the dream she had in the park that day. And after a lot of thoughtful consideration she
reached the following conclusion: “man, that was a weird dream!”
(STAGE MANAGER enters.)
STAGE MANAGER: And that’s the way you’re going to end it?
Time: How should I end it?
STAGE MANAGER: I don’t know. Maybe with some poetry or something.
Time: You wanted street smarts.
STAGE MANAGER Well, now I want poetry.
Time: Okay. (To audience.)
Thus grew the tale of Wonderland:
Thus slowly, one by one,
Its quaint events were hammered out – And now the tale is done.
Stage Manager – oh Good – I’ve been double parked this whole time

Song: “Welcome to Wonderland Reprise” - Full Company

Welcome to Wonderland
My god it's half past eight
Who cares if you came late
We don't care where you've been
You're gonna fit right in
A little fun detour
A little crazy, sure
Don't get all insecure

Welcome to Wonderland
This is your new address
You'll love it more or less
No time to decompress

It's afternoon all day

There's lots of games to play
Flamingo lawn croquet
So please enjoy your stay
Welcome to Wonderland
Where everything you see
I mean from "A" to "Z"
Ain't what it seems to be

Welcome to Wonderland
Set phasers up to stun
Turn off the lights when done
Good luck and thanks a ton

Ciao, baby, gotta run

BOWS