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Red Solo Cup

A Killer Comedy

Starring
Julia as Blanche
Clark as Jett
Madelyn as Hazel Kelly
Zaina as Goldie
Ronan as Sterling
Brandon as Rusty Kelly
Abby as Sienna Kelly
Isabella as Violet Rose
Waleed as Redd Rose
Kit as Scarlett Garnett
Quantrell as Hunter Kelly
Mr McClain as Slater Gray
Act 1
Scene 1 (Living Room)

(The five college kids are heard from behind the door)

Hazel (Offstage)
Okay guys, we’re here! Everyone take your shoes off before you come in.

Sterling (Offstage)
Hazel, we’re outside. In the snow.

Hazel (Offstage)
And…? (pause) Alright just scrape the snow off… ​ really really​ well.

(Everyone does so, and they enter the house, Scarlett and Hunter are
waiting inside)

Jett
(taking in the house) these curtains don’t match the windows (Hazel hits
him as her parents come to greet them)

Scarlett
Oh come in come in! It must be freezing out there!

Goldie
Yeah, I felt like Coldie instead of Goldie

Blanche
(glosses over) Anyways, we really appreciate both of you letting us stay
with you for the holidays. It means a lot.
Jett
And These curtains go sooo well with the... curtains.

Hunter
Not a problem! We are so sorry that the blizzard cancelled your visits
home. Please, consider this your home for the holidays.

Rusty
Yeah, take anything you want, except my room, oh wait! That’s already
been taken…

Hazel
(hits Rusty on the back of the head) Come on, let’s go put our stuff
upstairs.

Scarlett
Oh yes! Please, go get settled in, when you’re ready we can make some
sweets! (The kids exit upstairs)
Scene 2 (Living Room)

Hazel
Okay bye mom! We’re going downstairs to watch movies! (the kids come
from upstairs and exit to the basement)

Scarlett
Okay guys! Have fun! Make sure you have enough snacks!

Hazel
(offstage) Got it! Thanks Mom.

Scarlett
No problem! - Oh- I invited the girl next door over, you remember Violet
Rose right? ( no response) Hm, guess they didn’t hear me, oh well.

Hunter
See, you were worried we’d have an empty nest, but now we have a house
full​ of kids.

Sienna
(enters) Hi mom. Bye mom.

Scarlett
Oh Sienna, where are you going?

Sienna
Out.
Scarlett
Oh! I invited Violet from next door to come over, I thought you guys could
have gals night or... something since Hazel and her friends are taking up
the basement.

Sienna
No thanks, going to Crystal’s house.

Scarlett
In a blizzard?!

Sienna
It’s three doors down, and I’ll take a blizzard over painting nails with Rusty
and what’s-her-face next door.

Scarlett
Sienna!

Sienna
Bye.

Scarlett
I guess that’s how they are at that age…

Hunter
I guess so, probably why I have so much trouble enjoying myself, but I
guess that’s why the doctor said only clean juices from now on.
Scene 3 (Basement)
(Movie plays in background)

Jett
This movie is seriously, seriously lame.

Rusty
Finally! Someone agrees with me!

Hazel
(Hits Rusty on head) Shut up shorty! I loved this movie as a kid, and I won’t
have you, or Jett ruin it!

Goldie
This is actually a ​terrible ​movie. I mean it doesn’t even have any…

Blanche
(Interrupts Goldie) ​Come on guys, this isn’t too bad. I kind of like it.

Jett
(Mimics Blanche) Well I kinda don’t like it!

Sterling
I think it would be best, for all of us, if we found something else to do. This
movie is ​pretty ​bad.

Jett
Yeah, like a party!

Hazel
Are you being serious? A party in ​my ​house!
Rusty
Technically it’s Mom and Dad’s house.

Hazel
Well, let’s see what they say about it! Mom! Dad! These guys want to have
a party down here! (jokingly)

Scarlett (From upstairs)


That’s totally fine sweetie! I’ll bake some cookies and…

Hunter (From upstairs)


Are you sure that’s the best idea?

Scarlett (From upstairs)


Absolutely! What could go wrong?

Hazel
Uh... Mom said it was fine?

Goldie
Great! It’ll be sooo fun!

Hazel
Yeah, totally. I guess we’ve got some food upstairs, and we could drink
soda…

Jett
Lame! Give me a couple minutes to get something from my room, and we’ll
have a real party. (Exits)

Rusty
You mean ​my ​room.
Hazel
(Sarcastically) Great!

Jett
(Enters and points at Rusty) No (Exits).
Scene 4 (Living Room)

Scarlett
Isn’t it just awesome those kids are having a party.

Hunter
How are they having a party? There are 5 of them and a 12 year old.

Scarlett
Oh hush they’re living their lives. Reminds me of when… (doorbell rings)
Oh, that must be the Roses. (Opens Front Door) Hi guys, glad you could
come over!

Redd
Hi Scarlett! (hands juice and chips over) For you, and it’s our pleasure.

Scarlett
Oh you’re too much.

Redd
No really, our pleasure. (grabs Scarlett's hand and does not let go)

Scarlett
Um...thanks Redd. Hi Violet!

Violet
Hi Mrs. Kelly

Scarlett
So Violet, Sienna had some, uh, school work to finish up, so she can’t be
here to hang with you.
Violet
School work? But there’s a blizzard, school’s closed…

Scarlett
Did I say school work? I meant she went to the grocery store…

Violet
But the store is closed, didn’t you hear? A powerline fell, roof collapsed.

Scarlett
Oh, did I say grocery store? She actually went across the street to give
some cookies she baked to old Mrs. Crinkle…

Violet
Mrs. Crinkle died last week, she-

Scarlett
ANYWHO!... Sienna isn’t here, but, Hazel! You remember Hazel, is back
from college, and a few of her friends are here as well, so you can go
watch a movie in the basement with them! “Hang” with the older kids, it’ll be
fun!

Redd
Yeah that would be great, wouldn’t it Violet! You could go “hang” with your
friends down stairs and Scarlett and I could talk up here.

Hunter
And me…

Violet
Dad, they’re not my…
Redd
Hey Scarlett, I brought some chips and some apple juice over. Hunter likes
apple juice doesn’t he?

Scarlett
Yeah he does…that’s your favorite too isn’t Violet?

Violet
Yes.

Redd
No it isn’t sweetie. All those sugars and preservatives aren’t good for you.
Now run along downstairs won’t you? Scarlett and I have some important
things to talk about, don’t we?

Hunter
I’m also here.

Scarlett
Sure...hey Violet, I baked some cookies for the kids downstairs. Could you
take them down?

Violet
Of course.

Redd
Hey ​sweetie.​ While you’re at it would you mind running these things into
the kitchen (hands her Juice and chips and Violet exits into kitchen). So
Scarlett, where were we? (higher pitched)
Scene 5 (Basement)
(Violet Enters, carrying plate of cookies and holding a cup)

Rusty
Oh great! Look who it is! (play around with)

Violet
Um...hi guys, I’m Violet. I live next door. Mrs. Kelly said I should join you
down here.

Blanche
Hey Violet, it’s perfectly fine if you hang with us.

Jett
No it’s not.

Blanche
Shut up Jett! (to Violet) Just ignore him.
(Violet walks around and talks to the other people. Hazel is sitting in a
corner acting petulant; everyone else is partying)

Goldie
(Holds cup, acting stupid) Hey, you, what’s your name again?

Violet
Violet. Um, what’s that you’re drinking? Apple juice?

Goldie
Hah! You’re funny. Yeah, it’s apple juice alright.
Sterling
(To Jett) Are you sure that it’s the best idea to bring, um, that apple juice
(gestures towards the cup Jett is holding) to the “party”.

Jett
Of course Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. You see, everyone’s having fun.

Blanche
Except for Hazel.

Jett
Well...she’s Hazel, and who cares.

Sterling
I still don’t think it’s a good idea.

Blanche
I agree with Sterling. This probably isn’t healthy.

Jett
Why? Not like anyone’s gonna die.

(Suddenly the lights go out and everyone screams)

Scarlett
(From upstairs)Oh my gosh! What is going on!

Redd
(From upstairs) It’s probably just the blizzard.
Hunter
(From upstairs) I’ll go and look at the fuse box.

Redd
(From upstairs)Yeah. You do that. Scarlett and I will just stay here. (Opens
door and winks at audience, closes the door slowly)

Scarlett
(from upstairs) Hunter dear, please ​don’t be too long

Redd (work on)


(from upstairs) But don’t rush either, wanna make sure the power doesn’t
go out again. Scarlett, have I ever told you I’m a cop?

Goldie
Well isn’t this fun? It’s like that one movie, um, something about lights?

Hazel
Everybody stay where you are. I’m not going to have anyone knocking
tables over in ​my ​basement!

Rusty
Technically it’s Mom and Dad’s basement.

Blanche
Just calm down Hazel. (Lights come back on)

Sterling
Ah, that’s better.

Hazel
I swear, if someone broke something I’m going to…
Blanche
Um..guys?

Hazel
(Ignoring Blanche) be so mad

Blanche
Guys! Will you just shut up!

All
What?

Blanche
Violet...she’s not moving.

Goldie
She probably just drank some ‘apple juice’ and couldn't handle it.

Blanche
No...she’s dead.

(everyone gasps collectively)

Goldie
Like, dead, dead? Or is she asleep?

Blanche
Goldie obviously I would know the difference between someone who was
asleep and someone who is dead.

Goldie
Well I mean. How do you know?
Hazel
(Looking at body)She’s not breathing.

Goldie
I dont breathe when I sleep, I think.

Hazel
Goldie sometimes I think you don’t breathe when you’re awake, because
clearly there’s not enough oxygen getting to your brain.

Hunter (behind the door)


Hey guys, is everyone okay? I’m coming down.

Hazel
Oh my god! What are we going to do? My dad’s gonna kill us! (All pause
and look at Violet, then each other and the audience)

Sterling
(Shouting) Well obviously! There’s a dead girl in your basement.

Hazel
Don’t you think I know that Sterling!

Goldie
What are we gonna do?

Jett
Hide the body (nonchalant)

Hazel
Brilliant! Lets hide her, uh uh, under the couch cushions.
(they try and it looks miserable)

Hazel
See? (sans-confidence.)

(Door opens and Hunter walks in. Everyone gasps, and Violet comes back
to life for a moment and then dies again)

Intermission
ACT 2
Scene 1 (Basement)

(Everyone is sitting awkwardly on the couch, Violet is dead on the floor)

Scarlett
Wow guys, how exciting! The gang’s all here!

Hazel
Mom!

Scarlett
What? (looks at Violet) I’m sure Violets here in spirit, it hasn’t been that
long, I doubt she’s passed on yet.

(The kids are all uneasy with the comment and stare at Scarlett sideways)

Hazel
The girl next door is dead! On our carpet! Ugh...How are we going to clean
corpse out of my carpet fibers!

Rusty
Technically they’re Mom and Dad's carpet fibers.

Sterling
I think we may all be missing the point, someone is dead…

Hunter
But how did she die?
(Lights go out, Redd pulls out flashlight and shines it on his face)

Redd
It was ​murder​ ​(Lights turn back on and Redd pockets the flashlight)

Redd
But anyways, Scarlett you’re right! This ​is ​so exciting! (giddy)

Jett
What is murder but a way to punish people for doing what they want?

Blanche
What is wrong with you people? Someone just died! And also are we just
going to ignore the fact that Violet came back to life before intermission?

Goldie
That’s how entertainment works Blanche, we don’t have to make sense.

Blanche
Well Goldie, I feel like you’ve really taken that to heart. (To Redd) What’s
going on Mr. Rose? Why haven’t we called the police?

Redd
That’s “officer” to you. (winks at Scarlett, and whispers “officer” to her and
flashes his badge. She looks unenthused)

Blanche
OK... Officer Rose, what’s happening?

Redd
Well Betty...
Blanche
(Interrupts) Blanche

Redd
Gesundheit, anyways Bets, that daughter of mine, Violet seems to have
gone and gotten herself deceased.

Hunter
Which you seem to be taking surprisingly well. (Takes sip from cup and
makes a face)

Redd
Trust me, I’m weeping buckets on the inside. I’m a mess without that
wonderfully annoying loud little weirdo that people ​say ​was my daughter.

Sterling
Wait...she could speak?

Rusty
That’s literally all that she would do.

Redd
(Frustrated) Could all of you​ please​ stop interrupting me? (Everyone quiets
down) Thank you! Now back to the point... a murder has transpired. Now,
if there was a murder, there is a murderer. That person is one of you.
Everyone is a suspect. Except Scarlett.

Jett
(Uninterested) Predictable

Redd
(Pompously) Now, in case you all weren’t aware, I am a police officer.
Sterling
Yeah, you already told us that.

Redd
Sooo, ​I’m a professional at these things, we solve murders and other
crimes like all the time.

Hunter
The last time someone died in this town was old Mrs. Crinkle, and she
passed from kidney failure. And the last murder that happened around here
was in 1986…and that turned out to be a prank.

Redd
Like I said, all the time, but back to the matter at hand. Considering that the
telephone lines have, conveniently, collapsed, the blizzard is interfering
with the cell service, and ALL entrances to the house are cut off by snow, I
am just going to have take matters into my own hands and catch the killer
myself.

Hazel
What are you going to do?

Redd
Well, when crime happens around these parts, the boys down at the station
have a technique we use, to get everyone's ideas, get in the crook’s head
to make him psychologically unstable and completely unaware of the
authorities’ efforts to bring him to justice and take him to custody, where we
proceed to interrogate the culprit and usually arrive at a conviction and the
criminal is incarcerated satisfactorily, where we proceed to...

Everyone
Get to the point!
Redd
Right sorry. So it is my honor to introduce to you....
(Pulls sheet off of podium and puts on suit jacket stored inside)
Murder! The Game!

(Scarlett claps her hands a little, Goldie looks confused, Rusty is on his
phone that isn’t connecting to anything, Jett is nodding, Hunter looks
queasy, Hazel is upset with her mom, Sterling looks annoyed and Blanche
is disturbed)

Redd
Who’s ready to play?

Blanche
Oh god (puts head in hands)
Scene 2 (Basement)

(The podium is set up, with the game title on the podium now and the
flashlight Redd is pretending is a microphone. The cast is all on the couch,
sitting in a line, with Violet’s body slumped nearby and Hunter absent.)

Redd
Alright! As soon as our last contestant arrives we can start the game!

Hazel
Yeah, where is Dad?

Jett
The john

Scarlett
Honey your father said he wasn’t feeling well and went to the little boys
room.

Sterling
(Looks at watch) It’s been twenty minutes.

Rusty
You time how long my Dad goes to the bathroom? What are you, some
kind of pervert?

Jett
I’ll go check on him.
(Jett goes to the restroom door and knocks, no response. He tries the door
handle and finds it unlocked and slowly opens the door. Hunter’s lifeless
body falls to the ground.)

(Everyone gasps)

Jett
Classic

Hazel
Another one? (walks to Hunter’s body) Well Dad I hope you’re happy,
because its gonna be ​your ​life insurance that pays for ​my​ new carpets!
Ugh, dead people are so... inconsiderate!

Rusty
Just like Elvis, died on the can. Nice one Pop. (kisses fingers and raises
them to the sky) Also, technically they’re Mom’s and Da- oh wait, I guess
they’re just… Mom’s… carpets…

Goldie
(Leans over to Blanche) Okay so is ​that​ one asleep?

(Blanche rolls her eyes.)

Redd
Well kids that’s life!(Walks over to Hunters body, gestures to Jett. They pick
him up and lay him next to Violet. They return to their spots, Jett on the
couch, and Redd at the podium. Redd reaches under the podium, and
slaps a sticker that says “double homicide” on the game logo.) Alright, now
that that’s over with who’s ready to play!?
Scarlett
(Hysterically crying) Redd you sick, sick freak! My husband just died! You
think that you can just make us play some stupid game to-

Redd
Scarlett you’re first! Come on up!

Scarlett
(Stops crying) Ooo okay! (Pushes on a comforting Hazel’s face as she
stands up) I’ve always wanted to be on a game show! I didn’t like him ​that
much anyway.

(Scarlett walks up and takes her place at the podium. She dries her eyes,
and flips her hair.)

Scarlett
Okay Redd, I’m ready.

Redd
Great! Let’s meet our suspects! First up is Hazel, your oddly high strung
daughter. Then there’s Rusty, that annoying twelve-year-old who takes
after his father.

Scarlett
Hi kids! I’m on a Game Show!

Hazel
Mom! No one is even watching! Besides, those idiots but they’ve been here
the whole time! And all they do is laugh at all the horrible things we
do!(Hazel points to audience)

Scarlett
Oh hush!

Redd
Anywho, moving on to Number three, Goldie, who wishes she was a bright
as her name sounds. Then there’s Sterling, a Goody-Two-Shoes if there
ever was one. Next, we move on to Jett, and finally Betty…

Blanche
It’s Blanche

Redd
Blagosloviti....Now that we’ve met the suspects, let's get back to Scarlett.
Scarlett, here’s how the game works!
Each of these wonderful kids is a potential cold-hearted murderer!
You get to chose which one of them is the most guilty, and together we can
all figure out who the killer is! Now, you choose your suspect, and why they
are the killer. Once chosen, and after a legitimate explanation is provided,
that suspect will get a Murder Point! Now, kids you want to avoid getting
Murder Points, because the person with the most points at the end of the
game will end up riding to the station in the back of my squad car, because
the front seat is reserved for Scarlett now that she’s single, right?!

Scarlett
(Fervently) No!

Redd
Alright moving on! Now, if you’re chosen as a suspect, you can either pin
the blame to another suspect or pass your turn to the murder hat, where
you draw a name from the hat and the group speculates how they could be
involved! The clock is set for 40 minutes now say it with me kids! Let’s kill
this case!
(everyone again looks to the two bodies, then at each other, then at the
audience.)

Redd
Right, probably poor choice of words. But that’s not important! So Scarlett,
who is your prime suspect in the case?

Scarlett
Hmmm I don’t know Redd, they’re all good choices, I can see each and
every one of them is capable being a vile little murderer. But I’m going to
go with that Jett boy. He’s got a mean look and you know leather jackets
are always the troubled ones.

Jett
It’s vegan

Redd
Alright Scarlett, now what other reason do you have.

Scarlett
Well Redd…That’s it.

Redd
…. Sounds like a good reason to me! Jett gets 10 Murder Points! Good
detective work Scarlett! Couldn’t have done it better myself.

Scarlett
Thanks Redd

Redd
Alright Jett you’re up. What would you like to do with your turn?
Jett
I’ll take Sterling for 500.

Sterling
It’s not Jeopardy.

Redd
Alright Jett, why is Sterling your suspect?

Jett
The people who we assume are the best always have the largest capacity
for evil. (Crickets, everyone is uncomfortable with the deep comment)

Redd
Well alright then, Sterling gets twenty murder points! ​And ​Jett gets 10
more.

Jett
Why did I get more points.

Redd
Because that was some seriously dark stuff and quite frankly made you
look even more suspicious…….. Sterling! You’re up! What would you like to
do with your blame?

Sterling
I’ll take the murder hat, thanks Redd.

Redd
Excellent choice young man! (offers Sterling the hat)

Sterling
(Chooses name and reads) Goldie.

Redd
Can I see a guilty Goldie?

Goldie
Ooooo that rhymes!

Everyone
No it doesn’t.

Blanche
(scoffs) Yeah right! The only thing Goldie is guilty of killing is her brain cells.

Hazel
(Laughs), Yeah it’s probably from all that “juice” abuse!

Goldie
I would never be mean to juice!

Redd
Yeah there’s no way that kid is capable of anything but breathing.

Sterling
Actually, we established earlier that she wasn’t much good at ​that​ either.

Goldie
Oh! I forgot! (takes a very deep breath of air). Whew, that was a close one,
no wonder! Thanks guys.

Sterling
I rest my case.
Redd
And with that ladies and gentlemen, we are going to take a brief five minute
break, but we’ll be ​right​ back.

Scene 3 (Living Room)

(Blanche picks up a bottle of apple juice, then sets it back down)

Blanche
Gosh! This is actually driving me crazy! All I want is get out of this stupid
house, that’s full of stupid people, with a couple stupid dead bodies thrown
in just for laughs. Ugh! I actually hate my life! Well, I guess there’s no use
in complaining, I guess I’ve got no choice but solving this dumb crime with
a bunch of idiots for suspects...
OR
Oh my god. All I wanted to do is go home and see my family, but this stupid
blizzard got me locked up in a house with these crazy people. But, there’s
no use in complaining, I should just do what I’m best at and try and solve
the case, like a sane person. I’m ​literally​ the only normal person here after
all.

(Enter) Jett
I hope you don’t mean that literally.

Blanche
Jett?

Jett
That’s what they call me. I was walking by and couldn’t help but overhear
you talking to yourself which, by the way, is ​super​ weird. It seems like you
need a partner in crime...solving.

Blanche
Really? I thought you’d succumbed to the madness back there.

Jett
Life is all about playing games B, and playing the right ones the right way.
Whoever the killer is, they can’t know that I’m on to them.

Blanche
Who do you think it is?

Jett
Would you believe me if I told you that I thought you were the murderer?

Blanche
No.

Jett
Then you’d be correct.

(long awkward pause)

Blanche
So, who ​do​ you think it is?

Jett
I’ve had trouble coming up with a suspect list, the murder of both Violet and
Hunter really threw me for a loop. They were completely different people
and to be honest I think less than half the people in this house knew Violet
existed before tonight.

Blanche
You’re right. So the question is, who’d have the motive to do it?
(Blanche pours the apple juice into her cup)

Jett
That’s the kicker, there is no one. Who’d want both of them them dead. I
mean one might want to kill Hunter, but not Violet, and then Violet but not
Hunter...
(As Jett rambles on Blanche takes a sip of the juice and spits it out in
horror)

Blanche
What is this stuff?

Jett
Isn’t it apple juice?

Blanche
(checks the label on the jug) Yes.

Jett
So what’s the problem?

Blanche
(shows Jett the label) The problem is this is actual apple juice, it’s barely
been touched.

Jett
You hate the taste of apple juice so much that you’d spit it out? Seems a
little...unnatural.

Blanche
No it’s not that, it’s (leans over and whispers something we can’t hear to
Jett)

Jett
Wait, but didn’t…

Blanche
Yes. Exactly.

Jett
Then that means...

(Enters) Redd
Ladies and Gentlemen the five minute break is over! Let’s return to the
game!

(Blanche and Jett look at each other, nod, and set back to the basement.)
Scene 4 (Basement)

Redd
Welcome back to Murder! The Game! Double Homicide! I’m your host
Officer Redd Rose. When we left off Jett and Sterling were tied with twenty
points and Goldie had just been pinned at the hands of the Murder Hat.
She’s been awarded 6 Murder Points!

Rusty
But you said she was innocent? And how does this point system work?

Redd
I’m making it up as I go! But that’s not important! Now Goldie, you can
choose who​ you​ think is guilty for the deaths of Violet and Hunter, or chose
a name from the Murder Hat!

Goldie
I think that… Violet did it!

Everyone
What?

Redd
I’m sorry Goldie but Violet is not a contestant as she is recently deceased,
but feel free to choose another suspect.

Goldie
Oh, okay. Hmmmm, (closes eyes) Eenie…. Meenie.. Minee. MOE!
(Goldie is poking Blanche in the face, as they are sitting next to one
another and quite frankly she did it wrong) Well! I guess Blanche is guilty!

Redd
And why is that?

Goldie
Hello, ever heard of eenie meenie? It never lies!

Redd
Alright, I guess I can’t argue with that…17 points for Betty.

Scarlett
I feel like this point system is becoming more obscure.
Redd
Now Betty, what would you like to do with your blame?

Blanche
(looks at Jett and smiles) Well Officer Redd, I’d like to pin my blame.

Redd
And on whom would you like to do that?

Blanche
You.

(Everyone gasps)

Jett
Textbook!

Redd
Well, this is quite...unexpected.

Blanche
I’ll admit it was quite tricky; two completely different victims in two
apparently unlinked murders. But...there was one thing that kept them
linked (Holds up cup): Apple Juice. Hazel’s dad, Hunter, had issues with
drinking, but then the ​kind ​Officer Rose​ considerately​ brought him
something he was able to imbibe without dumping it on himself like a
blubbering fool: Apple Juice. However this juice was, unfortunately, chock
full of poison. I made the mistake of sipping some earlier, and it proved to
be fishy; tetrodotoxin, a neurotoxin I learned about in forensics class, which
is 1,200 times more deadly than cyanide and can kill in as little as fifteen
minutes postingetion. The only other person apart from Hunter who was
drinking ​real ​Apple Juice was poor Violet, because she thought was what
the rest of us were having. Therefore-

Scarlett
(Interrupts) Wait, if she thought you were drinking apple juice, what were all
of you​ actually​ drinking?...

(the kids are very uncomfortable)

Rusty
Mom they were drinking….. orange juice!

(everyone gasps)

Hazel
Rusty!

Rusty
Hazel even let me have sip!

Hazel
You Judas!

Rusty
I’m sorry! I couldn’t lie to mom! At least not this time...

Scarlett
Orange Juice​ Hazel? In my nice Christian home?

Rusty
Technically we're Methodist.
Scarlett
Shut up Rusty! Hazel, how could you?

Blanche
Mrs. Kelly, since you’re here right now and not in our growing resident
morgue, we can assume that you too were not drinking apple juice as you
said. So, what were you drinking all night?

Scarlett
Well I suppose everyone needs a little bit of orange juice to take the edge
off.

Redd
They really do.

Rusty
Amen to that.

Hazel
Rusty?

Rusty
What I do in my free time is none of your concern, sometimes I just need a
little juice, the good kind! Orange!

(The cast winks at the audience once more)

Blanche
So, Redd, do you care to confirm my allegations?
Redd
(Walks to the murder board and gives himself one hundred points)
Congratulations Blanche, you won Murder!

Jett
Can anyone really win murder?

Redd
Yes Jett, they can, and Blanche just did.

Jett
I don’t know I just-

Blanche
Jett. Cool it…. Redd still hasn’t told us why he killed Hunter and Violet.

Redd
(smiles, and turns to audience) Ladies and Gentlemen, we will now go to
the “Tragic Backstory” segment of the evening.

Hazel
Does he still think we’re on a game show?

(Goldie shrugs)

Redd
(Turns television to a slide show of his life) It all started in a dark alley when
my parents were murdered right in front of me by a thug. This act of
violence inspired me to-

Jett
Isn’t that Batman?

Redd
It continued in high school when I was cut from the Basketball team
Sophomore year. I thought it was all over; my whole career, my whole life.
But then a miracle happened! Junior year I came back and, by the skin of
my teeth, I made the team. It was awesome and my life as the greatest-

Rusty
Wait a minute, this isn’t your life story, it’s Michael Jordan’s!

Hazel
Wait, yeah you’re right Rusty!

Redd
Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t...but that’s beside the point. You see after that
happened I was kicked out of college and struggled to find a job. I lived in
multiple homeless shelters and my ungrateful wife left me, and I had to take
care of my son who was only five at the time. I tried the best I could to
create a better life for him when-

Sterling
You know that’s the plot of ​The Pursuit of Happiness​, right?

Scarlett
He doesn’t even have a son just let him go on.

Redd
Well, to tell a somewhat long story short, in a pretty ironic twist of events,
my Corgi, Thomas, was hit by a train and I came here to become a cop. It
was here that I met the woman whom I love with all my heart...Scarlett
Garnet (turns to Scarlett). It’s time you knew.
Scarlett
Redd, I’ve always known. It’s not a sur-

Redd
I know! It’s shocking, but it’s true! But you went and married that schlub
Hunter, and I just couldn’t bear seeing you with him! So I plotted, and
schemed, and connived! For years I pondered how I could get him out of
the way! Then I hit upon it! Even though it took a ​long​ time I managed to
convince the lab coats back at the station to switch a DNA sample I’d taken
and put Hunter in OJ Anonymous, ensuring that he could never drink
anything but what I wanted him to. Then all I needed was an opportunity to
arise when I could slip the puffer fish poison into a drink.

Sterling
Because people just have that around their house.

Blanche
What about Violet? Why’d you kill her? She was your daughter.

Redd
I’ll admit, Violet was never supposed to enter into the picture. She was
a....mistake.

Jett
To have or to kill?

Redd
Ehhhhh….. tomato…. potato….

Blanche
So you killed Hunter to be with Scarlett?

Redd
Duh, what else was I supposed to do? Move on?

Everyone
Yes!

Blanche
That’s the natural thing to do!

Hazel
You don’t just kill people who have things you want!

Redd
You don’t?

Everyone
No!

Redd
Well what’s done is done! And in case you forgot, I’m a police officer, so I’m
pretty sure I know what normal people do.

Everyone
We know!

Rusty
You’ve said it six times already!

Redd
Pshhhh, I did not.
Sterling
(looking through the script holds it up) The script begs to differ.

Redd
Well, who will believe you after this? I’m a cop after all.

(sterling shakes his head, hold up 7 fingers and mouths 7 to the audience)

Slater
Not so fast Rose.

Everyone
Officer Gray!

Redd
Slater! What is this?

Slater
Blanche called me as soon as she figured out it was you, and we came
down as quickly as we could. Back up is waiting in the living room.

Hazel
I thought Redd said that the exits to the house were all blocked off by
snow.

Slater
We took a while to get over here, but the snow wasn’t that ​bad​.

Rusty
Did no one check?
Hazel
We all just took his word for it.

Jett
Idiots.

Slater
Redd you’re under arrest for the murders of Hunter Kelly and Violet Rose.
You have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be held
against you in a court of law.

Redd
It was all for love! (being taken upstairs and sent through the front door by
Slater)

Scarlett
It was all for naught!

(they are silent for a few moments. It finally sets in that people have died.
Scarlett goes to sit with her two children and puts her arms around them.
Sterling and Goldie sit next to one another, an Blanche stands up and looks
out the window. Jett comes over to her.)

Jett
Blanche what are you looking at, we’re on the bottom floor of the house,
that’s the fire escape.

Blanche
It’s so crazy, two people were just murdered.

Jett
I know. (places a finger on Blanches shoulder)

Blanche
Jett what are you doing?

Jett
Well, the writers of the play alluded that we would end up as a romantic
pairing, but assumed we wouldn’t want to act as such, so they thought
they’d play off of our inevitable awkwardness

Blanche
Classic.

Jett
Hey (points at Blanche, and pokes her face, it’s very awkward) That’s my
line.

(Blanche and Jett sit down next to one another against the fire escape.
Slater walks back in and goes in front of the cast, who are still in character,
interacting a little bit, will give specific instruction later)

Slater
I hope we all had a lot of fun here tonight, and if you didn’t, well you can
expect a failing grade from Mr. McClain when you take this class next
semester. Now, you’re all probably asking a lot of questions, like what the
heck is wrong with the people who wrote this thing? Why did a Public
Speaking​ ​class put on a play? Why did ​you​ have to watch it? I mean, who
on earth writes a ​murder mystery​ with a​ game show​? And why was the
culprit ​so​ predictable? We have the answers to these questions but, for
legal reasons, they are unable to be shared. But the real question is... did
you learn anything? Did you observe things, like the actress who played
Sienna flipping the lights on and off during the power outages?
Did you notice that all of the actors had the names of colors? And did you
make the connection between those colorful names the symbolism behind
them; Goldie, who may have the IQ of an actual Goldfish, Sterling, a
reputable kid, who’s character cannot be tarnished. Redd Rose, whose
fiery nature killed out of passion for Scarlett Garnet, who’s name did not
compliment Redd’s because they were not compatible. Violet Rose, who
died because her first and last name didn’t compliment and caused an
imbalance. Hunter Kelly, whose children, Rusty, Hazel, and Sienna, all had
earth tone names and some seriously bad attitudes. Blanche and Jett,
black and white, polar opposites ending up together. And I of course can’t
exclude myself, Slater Gray, who may just represent the moral ambiguity of
modern Law Enforcement…. or it could be what actually happened, which
is that we ran out of colors to use as names and had to think of one on the
fly because the writers had a deadline to make...but that’s beside the point.
I bet you’re asking another question now: “Why is he telling us all of this”.
That’s a very good question and the answer is because a lot of thought
was put into it and the writers didn’t want that genius to go to waste. Now,
Redd seems to have escaped back here just in time to do bows before we
cart him off to State Penitentiary, where he’ll probably serve 20 to Life, so
in his last moments of freedom I turn it over to Redd Rose for Bows!

(The cast takes their bows)

The End

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