The Perception of Reality

“Hey, have you seen a kid named Oscar? He’s kind of short, glasses?” Lester asked one
of the other homeless residents. “He wandered into the city a few days ago chasing some ad
trying to earn money? I'm not too sure, he said it was near the train station I think.” Lester
rushed to the train station. Oscar wasn’t there, he went into almost every building asking
everyone he saw, describing Oscar to them. Nobody knew anything. Just as Lester was about
to give up, he noticed an ad spread across the glass doors of a building. “Your perception is
your reality, test subjects needed, $1000 reward”. Lester snuck into the building, checking every
room for Oscar. Finally he found him. He was just laying there, motionless, drool running down
the side of his mouth. His eyes rolled in the back of his head, pearly white.
Oscar was an orphan. He lost his parents when he was fifteen in a freak accident and
had been bouncing from orphanage to orphanage without ever being adopted. He hated the
foster homes. Oscar ran away with his friend Lester at the age of sixteen. They survived on their
own for a while but eventually, just like his parents, Lester left. Lester had cracked, he realized
the illusion of surviving on their own was unrealistic. It was fun at first, but he couldn't handle it.
He didn’t know how to tell Oscar. So he just disappeared back to the orphanage. Oscar
completely lost himself after that. He no longer smiled, He no longer laughed, He no longer
enjoyed. He didn’t want to be alive. He wanted his parents back. He wanted to smile again...

Lester watched over the still life draining body of Oscar. The only remaining evidence of
Oscar’s existence were the slow consistent beeps of the heart rate monitor.

Oscar was ​at bliss​. Everything felt perfect. He was ten years old, out on a hike with his
mom and dad just outside of New York. . Every weekend they would hike the same trail. Oscar
loved that trail. The end would come to a peak overlooking the horizon. They woke up extra
early that morning to catch the sunrise. They made it to the peak just in time. “Hey buddy, check
it out,” his dad said. Oscar ducked under the overgrown vines and looked up. The rays of
sunlight broke free from the cracks of the horizon. His parents wrapped their arms around him
as the sun emerged. This moment and feeling was familiar to Oscar. He was happy.

“Can I help you?”

“Stay back man, what the ​fuck​ did you do to him??!” Lester screamed.
Lester positioned himself in front of Oscar.
“Please relax, there is no harm being done to your friend.”
“Wh-wh-what's wrong with him??” Lester asked.
The doctor looked at Lester calmly.
“Oscar came to me a few days ago. He came looking for money.. Guess he might have
saw the ad we put out. He had a very bleak personality. Polite however, saying please and
thank you, but with little emotion. I started to tell him about what experimental process we
wanted to perform on human subjects. And he just looked at me, with dead eyes, he said...
Okay.”
“So what is happening to him!?”

“He is experiencing an alternate life. One that was designed based off of his memories and
‘absent’ healthy brain activity. It is meant to help those who have lost their way to allow them to
live another life rather than taking their own. Right now he is unaware of his current state.
Unaware of the tragedy, unaware of this life we’re are in right now. He is in a state of tranquility.”

“Tranquility?? Look at him, he’s dead!”

“Understand, what he is experiencing seems real to him. It's not like a dream, he is living. He is
happy.”

The sun was just above the horizon now. The air was crisp. Oscar looked up at his
parents, they looked back down at him and just smiled. A tear ​of joy ​formed in Oscar’s eye.

Lester paused. He didn't know what to do. His instinct was to save Oscar.. He look down at
Oscar again, he saw the side of Oscar’s lip twitch a couple times. Then it slowly, subtly, curled
into a soft smile. Lester sighed. Maybe the doc was right. Maybe Oscar was better off this way.
Maybe Lester had no right in meddling.​ But ​he just couldn’t shake this feeling, he didn’t feel right
about leaving Oscar. He couldn’t do it again.

“Turn off the machine, let him out. Now.” Lester demanded.
“I’m afraid it does not work that way son, the consequences could be dire. His entire world will
be shattered. He has no recollection of this world. There are complications that we have yet to
figure out, again, this is all experimental.”
“Turn off the machine.” Lester repeated impatiently.
“I'm sorry, I just can't do tha-” Lester’s fist connected with the doctor’s face. Saliva and blood
splattered. The doctor was out.

“Don't worry, buddy, we're gonna get you out of here,” Lester said to Oscar. Lester unplugged
the last cord. The glass window slowly retracted. Oscar’s eyes fluttered. “Its okay man I’m here,”
Lester said softly. Oscar looked at Lester, paranoia stricken across his face.. “Where are my
parents, where am I who are you wh-wh-what is happening?!!!?” Oscar started to freak out, he
shot up and started coming at Lester. “Buddy, calm down your safe,” Lester exclaimed. Oscar
attacked Lester, beat him bloody. Then fell to the floor, his eyes rolled to the back of his head as
his body shook violently. Lester lay their half conscious. Mumbling, “I’m sorry Oscar, I'm sorry…”
The alarms were blaring, security rushed into the room, Lester faded out of consciousness.

Lester awoke in a hospital bed.. ​The hospital was cold and empty.​ A nurse came in,
“How are you feeling?” “I’m having trouble remembering-- wait where is Oscar?!” Lester said.
The nurse sighed, “he's in isolation. We put him under medication to help with the seizures. But
he is not well. You may see him if you like?” Lester got up and followed the nurse. “Now keep in
mind, he is not the same as you remember,” the nurse said to Lester before​ revealing Oscar​.
There he was, ​through the one way glass. He was in a straight jacket in a room with white
padded walls. Stationed at the middle, Oscar rocked slowly, back and forth. He had that same
curled smile on his face as he did when he was hooked up to the machine, his eyes were
lifeless. A tear formed in Lester’s eye, he pressed his hand up to the glass, “I’m so sorry
Oscar..”

The sun was starting to illuminate the sky as it transitioned from dawn to day. “We Love
you Oscar,” his parents said.

Now, Inside the cold, lonely, unforgiving padded cell, “I love you too,” Oscar whispered.

Workshop questions and suggestions:

- I need help maybe displaying why Lester is involved how he got there why he's there,
etc.
- Do I need more description
- Is the story hard to follow? Can the reader understand when its Lesters perspective vs
Oscars.
- Is it too slow?
- Need better words in some areas (refer to comments)
- I need to build up the anger Lester starts to feel (angry at himself) but lashes out at the
doctor.

I notice Questions I wonder

● The description was ● Can you elaborate ● If you want to cut it

really good, and gave more on the down you can take
you an idea of where experience of Oscar out a little of the
Lester was and where and what Lester is background info
Oscar was in the witnessing with cutting because some of it is
setting down dialogue and unneeded -Lili
● The switching POV background ● You can cut down on
really added to the information at first the beginning
story - was not ● Why is Lester coming description and
confusing at all and it back for him if Lester dialogue to make it
really worked well with left him when they ran more concise, and to
switching away? not leave questions
● The ending left the ● Why does Lester feel unanswered about
reader in awe and it so close to him - Lester’s and Oscar’s
satisfied the MDQ enough to risk his life relationship (which I
 ● I noticed that the
dialogue really helps
the reader understand
the story more -Lili
by coming into this
unknown building to
save Oscar?
have right now)
● I think the background
information at the
beginning makes the
story more convoluted
than it needs to be

Rubric rating submitted on: 2/12/2018, 11:25:51 AM by kherzog@westportps.org

Does Not Meet Approaches Meets Masters
Expectations Expectations Expectations Expectations

Critical and The writing does The writing has a The writing The writing
Creative Thinking: not present a theme and some connects to presents an
Theme & theme or clear kind of purpose, universal themes engaging,
Dramatic purpose, as as showcased and conflicts to creative, and
Question showcased through the which others can unique
Masters through the dramatic question. relate, as perspective on a
Expectations dramatic question. showcased complex universal
through the conflict or theme,
dramatic question. as showcased
through the
dramatic question.

Development of The writing The writing The writing The writing

Ideas: Technique demonstrates few inconsistently or effectively thoroughly and
Approaches appropriate ineffectively employs narrative creatively
Expectations narrative employs narrative techniques to developscharacter
techniques and techniques, so develop character, , crisis, conflict,
little development character, crisis, crisis, conflict, consequences or
of character, conflict, consequences or theme.with
crisis, conflict, consequences or theme.. well-chosen
consequences or theme. lack full techniques, like
theme. development. engaging
 dialogue, complex
pacing, vivid
description, deep
reflection, or
multiple plotlines,
all employed in a
sophisticated way.

Development of The closure is The closure is The closure The closure

Ideas: Closure missing or ambiguous or relates to what artfully follows
Approaches incomplete. lacks a clear was experienced, from and adds
Expectations relationship to observed, or substantial depth
was what resolved. to what was
experienced, experienced,
observed, or observed, or
resolved over the resolved over the
course of the course of the
narrative. narrative, adding
substantial depth
to the narrative's
theme.

Organization of The writing uses The writing The writing The writing
Ideas: Sequence few or no effective inconsistently or employs some seamlessly
and Coherence storytelling ineffectively storytelling sequences
Meets techniques to employs techniques to experiences or
Expectations create a coherent storytelling create a coherent events using
story. techniques to story. multiple
create a coherent techniques—such
story. as chronology,
flashback,
foreshadowing,
and suspense—all
employed in a
sophisticated and
nuanced way to
create a tightly
coherent whole.

Comments:
low B

Okay, Jack, here’s the frustrating thing. With all of the comments you received, and the time you
had to revise, you focused solely on cutting back on portions rather than zooming in on most
important moments, as the comments suggested. Some of the details you cut were important
ones, as you note in your cover letter; some were improvements, as they were extraneous.
However, if all you focused on was cutting, the revision process is only partially done.
Score: B
HOWEVER, I think you should split this story in parts and use it for different assignments…
then, you don’t have to cut and feel so terribly about the end product.