Karla Tovar Peres

Professor Graves

LANG 120.011

20 February 2018

Style-Play Journal Entry #1

Exercise 2A: Clause Structure

Divide each of the following clauses into its subject and predicate. Subject will be in red while
the predicate will be in blue.
Example: Kai-fong and Chu-mei/ attended a school with many minority group child.
Many/ had limited English.
1. The school had no bilingual or ESL classes.
2. The student spoke English only.
3. She gave the non-English speakers special attention.
4. Chu-mei soon befriended some classmates.
5. She learned some English from them and from the teacher.
6. She was neat, agreeable, and sociable.
7. She became comfortable in the social world of the school.
8. Kaifong had quite a different experience in school.
9. He was not outgoing.
10. Some of the boys in his class teased him mercilessly.

Reflection:

The purpose of this exercise was to understand the clause structure throughout the sentence. In
red the words highlighted were the subject or noun phrase. The purpose of the noun phrase or
subject is to describe the subject being presented. In the blue the predicate or transitive verb
along with the object were highlighted it provides descriptive phrases back to the subject.
Style-Play Journal #2

Exercise 2B: Clause Structure

The following clauses are split into subject and predicate. The subject is a noun phrase: underline
the headword once. The predicate is a verb phrase: underline the verb twice (in red). When you
identify the verb, include auxiliaries like have, should, or will.

1. The children spoke to their parents less frequently.

2. Their mother grew restless and anxious about the silence in the house.
 3. She would ask Rodriguez questions about his day at school.
4. She smiled at small talk.
5. Her intrusions often stopped her children’s talking.
6. Their father retired into quiet.
7. His English improved somewhat over time.
8. His children and his wife helplessly giggled at his garbled English pronunciation of
the Catholic Grace before meals.
9. His wife said the prayer, even on formal occasions.
10. Her voice became the public voice of the family.

Reflection:

Within this exercise, I reviewed nouns and verb phrases from my English courses from high
school. Even though, we’re college students we need to brush up on certain topics that we don’t
recall, I know how to identify a noun but I wasn’t sure if you could include the words in front of
the verb like will or should. In this exercise it provided different ways a verb can be presented to
a reader.

Style-Play Journal #3
Exercise 3A: Sharpening the Focus

In the passage below, I’ve altered sentences from “ On the Rainy River” by removing words
referring to people from the subject position. Repopulate these passages to improve their focus.
Asl who the passage is really about- who is doing something in the sentences- and whenever
possible, use a noun or pronoun referring to that person as the subject.
Example:
In the mornings it was sometimes our routine to go on long himes into the woods, and at
night there were usually Scrabble games or record-playing or reading in front of his big stone
fireplace.

Restore to Original:
In the mornings we sometimes went out on long hikes into the woods, and at night we
played Scrabble or listened to records or sat reading in front of his big stone fireplace.

1. Even after two decades it is possible for me to close my eyes and return to that porch at
the Tip Top Lodge. There is an image in my mind of the old guy staring at me. Elroy
Berdahl: eighty-one years old, skinny and shrunken and mostly bald. His outfit was a
flannel shirt and brown work pants. In one hand, if memory serves, was a green apple, a
small paring knife in the other.
- Even after two decades I can close my eyes and return to that porch at the Tip Top
Lodge. I can see the old guy staring at me. Elroy Berdahl: an eighty-one year old,
skinny and shrunken and mostly bald. He wore a flannel shirt and brown work
pants. In one hand, he was carrying a green apple, a small paring knife in the other.
 2. His fishing continued. His line was worked with the tips of his fingers, patiently, his eyes
squinting out at his red and white bobber on the Rainy River. His eyes were flat and
impassive. There was no speech. There was simply his presence, like the river and the
late-summer sun.
- He kept finishing. He worked on his line with the tips of his fingers, patiently, his
eyes squinting out at his red and white bobber on the Rainy River. His eyes were flat
and impassive. He didn’t speak. He was simply there, like the river and the
late-summer sun.
Reflection:
In this exercise, it was a general review from my writing course in high school on how to
emphasize on making the pronoun or noun the main focus of the paragraph by minimizing the
amount of extra words included within the paragraph.

Style-Play Journal #4
Exercise 3J:Sharpening the Focus

In the sentence below, identify the key noun phrase and move it to the subject position.
Underline the new subject.
Example: By having a large selection of organic vegetables, this appeals to the high-end
buyer.
Suggested Revision:
A large selection of organic vegetables appeals to the high-end buyer.
1. At the health food store, there are good bargains featured every weekend.
- The health food store features good bargains every weekend.
2. According to the store manager, he said he would be happy to stock more locally
grown produce if he saw evidence of customer demand.
- The store manager would be happy to stock more locally grown produce if he
saw customer demand.
3. Because of the desk clerk at the hotel not knowing, it was unclear whether the
rooms would be available both nights.
- The desk clerk at the hotel did not know whether the rooms would be
available both nights.
4. On San Francisco’s beaches, it is beautiful but too cold for sunning or swimming.
- The beaches on San Francisco are beautiful but too cold for sunning and
swimming.
5. After a visit to Chinatown, it made her nostalgic for her childhood in Shanghai.
- A visit to Chinatown made her nostalgic for her childhood in Shanghai.
Reflection:
In this exercise, I reviewed how to arrange a sentence for clarification. This exercise mainly
focused on keeping subject phrases by rearranging and cutting off phrases that took up space or
didn’t have a strong focus. When a sentence seems to have a bad focus, the subject is usually
hidden by the reader. They won’t know what they are referring to if they don’t give a vivid
description of the subject.
Style-Play Journal #5
Exercise 4B: Coordination and Parallel Structure

Combine each group into a single sentence by creating a coordinate pair or series, joining the
units with and. Underline the units being joined.
Example:
I made my way to Mr. Whitmore’s table. I introduced myself tentatively. I stated my case,
telling him my cousin Greg had said that he was a great teacher.

Suggested Revision:
I made my way to Mr. Whitmore’s table, introduced myself tentatively, and stated my
case, telling him my cousin Greg had said that he was a great teacher.

1. I wrote to Harvard. I wrote to Yale. I wrote to Princeton.

- I wrote to Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.
2. Horse Lowe put his big red face into Maura’s window. He beat on the windshield with his
fist. He told me to get the hell off his property.
- Horse Lowe put his big red face into Maura’s window. He beat on the windshield
with his first, and told me to get the hell off his property.
3. Geraldine was not surprised to see the lock of the cupboard smashed. She was not
surprised to see the violin gone.
- Geraldine was not surprised to see the lock of the cupboard smashed and the violin
gone.
4. As the days passed, Corwin lay low. He picked up his job at the deep fryer.
- As the days passed, Corwin layed low and picked up his job at the deep fryer.
5. I remember my father playing chansons on his fiddle. He played reels. He played jigs.
- I remember my father playing chansons on his fiddle, he played reels and jigs.
6. He smiled. He shook his fine head. He spoke softly.
- He shook his fine head, softly and smiled.
7. Reverend Wright is a man who served his country as a United States Marine. He is a man
who has studied and lectured at some of the finest universities and seminaries in the
country. He is a man who for over thirty years led a church that serves the community by
doing God’s work here on Earth.
- Reverend Wright was a man who served his country as a United States Marine. He
was a man who studied and lectured at some of the finest universities and
seminaries in the country. He also led a church that served the community by doing
God’s work on Earth for over thirty years.
8. He strengthens my faith. He officiate my wedding. He baptized my children.
- He strengthened my faith, officiate my wedding, and baptized my children.

Reflection:
The exercise that I reviewed for my fifth style-play journal was a quick review from high school.
It was a general focus on how to rewrite sentences to minimize and make it clear for my readers
to understand what I am trying to get across within my writing.