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I
was born in a hospital. I was told that my mother
was given nitrous oxide for the birth. As in, she was
totally sedated. The whole labor, totally out of it. My
father used to say it was used for the conception as
well. Just kidding, he never said that. I just wanted to
make a salty joke and blame it on my father. Anyway,
they used strange methods back in the sixties. Maybe her
sedation affected me. I do feel dizzy all the time, and I’m
incredibly lazy, which might have all been connected to
not having heard the agonized screams of my mother as I
came into the world. Just entering the universe to a really
quiet room, but for the nasal mutterings of a Jewish obste‑
trician complaining to a nurse about the cost of his land‑
scaper, can have a lasting effect on one’s personality.
The place of my birth was Worcester, Massachusetts.
Worcester isn’t known for its good hospitals, so I imagine
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