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Martinez 1

Eric Martinez

Professor Ditch

English 115

9, May 2018

Project Text

In this essay revision my writing improvement is shown by simply adding a few key but

very essential corrections. In the essay itself I felt as though I started off very strong and got my

thesis and main argument out so I didn’t change that but as the essay went on I began to stray off

the topic and didn’t add enough textual support as the essay went on. In my revision I show my

improvement in my writing by adding the textual support that I was lacking and getting the point

across and making sure that I stayed on topic.

The introduction paragraph was not changed because it gives a brief summary of the

character and what is going on. The first body paragraph is where I began to make the changes.

After the quote from my outside source I use textual evidence to show how the quote I provided

tries in with the story and towards the main focus on the essay. I add textual evidence to make

my quote stronger correlated and to argue my point on how the characters happiness progresses

over course of the book. The following paragraph I left as is because the textual evidence was

good and I gave a good description on how that particular character’s happiness has progressed

through the book. These three paragraphs were very strong in getting the point across and I

added a few changes just to have my writing connect better with the prompt that was given and

to further straighten my argument.


Martinez 2

The following paragraphs is where I revised the most because on this section of the essay

I began to stray off topic and was not making my arguments clear enough. I begin the essay with

my argument and add lots of textual evidence in the paragraph. I added sentences that explained

how the characters were able to progress throughout the story and what it was exactly that they

did that contributed to their overall happiness.

In the following paragraph I begin to talk about the key steps that the characters took to

improve their happiness. I provide real life example but then to back up my ideas I grab

examples out of the book to back up the point I am trying to prove. I use a lot more textual

evidence from the book instead of straying off the path and writing conjecture. I provide real life

experiences and I also provide examples from the book to strengthen my argument

In all the paragraphs I add textual evidence to make my argument about the characters

taking risk which ultimately led the two characters to be happier as the story progressed. My

writing over this course has improved a lot because I am able to identify where I need to add

more evidence to support my argument. I begin to write about how happiness is found and what

must be done in order to become a happier person. Then I use evidence from the story that show

that the characters happiness was greatly affected by what I am trying to prove.

My improvement in writing is shown in my revision by being able to provide real life

experiences and connect them to the story to strengthen my argument. Also, I am able to write

down my thoughts more efficiently and make it correlate to the story. As the essay goes on I am

able to stay on topic and continue to make my argument a lot stronger and not just write without
Martinez 3

backing up my examples. The revisions are small but they help me get my argument across a lot

better.

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