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Meeting in the Middle: Eight Strategies for Conflict

Mediation in Your Classroom

Katherine Landau Wright, Matthew J. Etchells & Nancy T. Watson

To cite this article: Katherine Landau Wright, Matthew J. Etchells & Nancy T. Watson (2018)
Meeting in the Middle: Eight Strategies for Conflict Mediation in Your Classroom, Kappa Delta Pi
Record, 54:1, 30-35, DOI: 10.1080/00228958.2018.1407174

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/00228958.2018.1407174

Published online: 02 Jan 2018.

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Kappa Delta Pi Record, 54: 30–35, 2018
Copyright © Kappa Delta Pi
ISSN: 0022-8958 print/2163-1611 online
DOI: 10.1080/00228958.2018.1407174
MEETING IN THE MIDDLE:
EIGHT STRATEGIES FOR CONFLICT
MEDIATION IN YOUR CLASSROOM
by Katherine Landau Wright, Matthew J. Etchells, and Nancy T. Watson
Abstract
Use these proven strategies for mediation to maintain a safe, productive
classroom environment, model positive social interactions, and allow
students to increase their personal responsibility.
Key words: classroom management, conflict resolution
A
s a student teacher in the
Boston Public Schools,
I (Katherine Landau
Wright) was not primar-
ily concerned about my
content knowledge or
ability to create innova-
tive lessons. What worried me most was how
to manage a diverse classroom. I had nearly
completed a master’s degree in education,
and much of my coursework had included
information on the educational disparities and
challenges facing urban students. However,
what was missing was how to overcome those
challenges to create an inclusive and support-
ive classroom environment.
Since our early classroom teaching experi-
ences, we (the authors) have filled a plethora of
practitioner roles, including school administra-
30 KAPPA DELTA PI RECORD • JAN–MAR 2018
tors, mentor teachers, and university instruc-
tors. Our work has shown us that the anxiety
I experienced in the Boston Public Schools is
common with preservice and novice inservice
teachers. In fact, classroom management is one
of the top concerns for student teachers and
their mentors (Moore, 2003). While much of
classroom management is learned on-the-job,
we can equip new teachers with skills to medi-
ate conflict in their classrooms. This approach
differs greatly from the authoritarian view of
classroom management, as the goal is to model
mediation practices students can apply to their
own lives.
While often used to negotiate difficult dis-
putes, such as divorce settlements or workplace
conflicts, mediation has tenets for facilitating
behavior management and conflict resolution
that are easily applied to working with students.
The word mediate, derived from the Latin
word medius meaning “the middle” (Watson
& Watson, 2011a), involves an intermediary or
intervention. In this piece, we outline strategies
from the conflict intervention approach of me-
diation that are easily applicable to classroom
practice. Our goal is to provide both novice

and veteran practitioners with innovative ap-
proaches to classroom management focused
on modeling positive social interactions and
creating a supportive learning environment.
Mediating Students
The view of the teacher as an authoritarian
figure does not fit the needs of 21st-century
school students. When managing current
school classrooms, teachers must have two end
goals in mind: (a) maintaining safe, productive
environments where all students can learn;
and (b) providing models to support students’
personal development as empowered individu-
als. A mediation framework accomplishes both
these goals by lessening the power distance
between student and teacher so the student
may learn from the teacher’s actions and as-
sume greater personal responsibility (Watson,
Watson, & Stanley, 2016).
Implementing a mediation framework
inherently means students should be learning
from their teacher’s use of classroom manage-
ment strategies. Absent the framework, there
may be a gap between what students are able
to do now and what they will be expected to
do as adults. Social constructionist theories of
learning posit that, through social interactions,
individuals can achieve more than they would
be able to on their own as well as learn from the
process (Tracey & Morrow, 2012). Frequently,
this scaffolding will be provided in the form of
interactions with a More Knowledgeable Other
(MKO; Vygotsky, 1980). Through a mediation
framework, the teacher becomes the MKO and
models conflict management and resolution
strategies for the student. Furthermore, the
teacher can provide opportunities for students
to practice these skills in authentic situations,
allowing students to develop self-efficacy abili-
ties to mediate conflicts independently.
Eight Strategies for Using
Mediation in Classroom
Management
While certainly not an exhaustive list, the fol-
lowing strategies will support both novice and
veteran teachers in mediating their classrooms.
‘‘
WWW.KDP.ORG
Attitude acquisition theory
tells us that how we have
experienced something in the past has
a direct impact on how we feel about it
in the present.
—WRIGHT, ETCHELLS, AND WATSON
Be Mindful of Mental Models and
Emotions
Attitude acquisition theory tells us that how
we have experienced something in the past has
a direct impact on how we feel about it in the
present (Fishbein & Ajzen, 1975). Together, our
past experiences and our attitudes toward them
are one piece of our mental models, which are
our internal understandings of external events
that help to dictate how we react to situations
(Rook, 2013). Every individual develops personal
mental models. For instance, if a teacher formed
a strong relationship with a particular student, the
teacher is likely to feel favorably toward another Katherine Landau Wright
student who is reminiscent of the first student. is an Assistant Professor
of Literacy Education and
While these mental models help us to make sense
Director of the Literacy Lab
of the world, they also can impact how teachers at Boise State University.
perceive student behaviors. Her research focuses on
strategies for engaging
Students enter the classroom with their own
middle and high school
set of experiences and values, and understanding readers and writers in their
that these can lead individuals to have mental content-area classes. Email:
models different from those of the teacher is katherinewright@boisestate.
edu
essential to creating a positive classroom envi-
ronment. A mental model that differs from the Matthew J. Etchells
teacher’s is not necessarily wrong, but it can cre- is a doctoral student of
Curriculum and Instruction
ate conflict if not recognized. Therefore, teachers
at Texas A&M University.
need to be extremely cognizant of the values they His research focuses on
hold in order to acknowledge when a student’s tutoring, shadow education,
teacher preparation,
may differ from their own.
comparative education, and
Often when the mental models of students conflict resolution. Email:
and teachers are at odds, emotions can run high. matthewetchells79@tamu.
This is where the teacher needs to take the pro- edu
verbial high road and model for the student how Nancy T. Watson is
to recognize feelings and how to keep them from President of The Center
dictating actions. Sometimes this is as simple as for Change and Conflict
Resolution (CCCR), and a
saying, “I am feeling very upset right now, so I do
Clinical Associate Professor at
not want to make any important decisions right Texas A&M University. Email:
at this moment,” or retrospectively acknowledg- n.watson@tamu.edu
KAPPA DELTA PI RECORD • JAN–MAR 2018 31
Mediation
ing when emotions such as anger impaired the
teacher’s judgments. This level of awareness not
only helps the teacher to better manage conflict
in the classroom, but also models for the student
how adults can be respectful of one another even
in high-stress situations.
Model the Use of I-Statements
Training students to use I-statements is
vital in promoting positive communication
and reducing instances of conflict between
students who misinterpret each other (Um-
breit, 1997). I-statements enable the speaker
and listener to focus on feelings and content,
and decrease the likelihood of either party
becoming defensive. A simple format can be
followed to facilitate effective I-statements
(underlined words indicate standard compo-
nents of an I-statement):
Teacher: When you interrupt me while
I am teaching, I feel frustrated. I would
like you to wait until I am finished giv-
ing instructions before you ask to use
the restroom.
Pay Attention to Body Language
The need for teachers to understand body
language and have their body language under-
stood by students is critical, especially because
developing students may communicate more
with their body language than their oral lan-
guage. While all teachers will try to choose their
words carefully when addressing a classroom
conflict, school students are acutely adept at
noticing subtle cues that may contradict the
teacher’s verbal message. Bush and Pope (2002)
suggested that during disputes, “body language
is as important as the actual words spoken” (p.
88). Therefore, it is essential teachers have a
heightened awareness of their own body lan-
guage and the messages they are conveying to
students.
Similarly, students need to be cognizant of
how their own body language is perceived by
others. Teachers can use the aforementioned
I-statements to explain the messages their body
language is implicitly sending. For instance,
a student sighing when being reprimanded
32 KAPPA DELTA PI RECORD • JAN–MAR 2018
may infuriate a teacher, but often the student
is not even fully aware of this subconscious
behavior. Telling the student to stop sighing
will likely only escalate the conflict. However,
explaining to the student the message he or
she is sending—for example, When I hear you
sigh, I feel what I am saying is not important to
you, and I don’t think that is what you are trying
to tell me—is more likely to continue a produc-
tive conversation, while giving the student an
opportunity to develop his or her awareness of
body language.
Identify Positions Versus Interests and
Needs
Students’ behaviors do not occur in a vacu-
um; to understand why a student may be acting
out, teachers need to examine the reasons for
the behaviors. However, often the reason that
is most easily identified is also misleading. This
is because, when faced with conflict, humans
tend to outwardly express their position without
identifying their deeper interest or need.
In conflict mediation, a position is what
someone wants in a negotiation or conversation.
An interest or need, by contrast, explains why
someone has taken that specific position. Interests
and needs underlie what we say we want and can
reveal deeper hopes, values, and beliefs (Watson
& Watson, 2011b). When working with students,
the outward position will likely be identifiable—
perhaps the student does not want to work with
a certain peer on a group project. These students
will often have a deeper interest or need they
themselves may not be completely aware exists.
If a conversation with the teacher can guide the
student to identify his or her needs, it is more
likely that an acceptable solution for both teacher
and student can be found. If a student does not
want to work with a specific individual, the reason
may be he or she does not believe the team will
succeed, or perhaps an individual has mistreated
the student in the past. Once this issue has been
identified, the teacher can not only resolve the
immediate conflict and facilitate a positive part-
nership between the two students, but also help
the student solve the underlying problem and
avoid future conflicts.

Encourage Perspective Taking
When students find themselves in a conflict,
they will likely be emotionally charged and un-
able to see different points of view. However, to
resolve these conflicts, students must be able to
understand the perspective of another person.
Social awareness, a component of social and
emotional learning (SEL), requires individuals to
take the perspective of and empathize with others
(Payton et al., 2000). Encouraging perspective
taking will help students understand the root of
a conflict and support their abilities to mediate
the situation.
Anyone who has ever had a disagreement
knows it is difficult to slow down the conversa-
tion enough to really consider different perspec-
tives; so this skill must be explicitly taught and
modeled. When two students are in conflict, the
teacher can have children take turns clarifying
their feelings. The first child states his or her feel-
ings, followed by the other child restating what
was communicated in his or her own words. This
process forces each student to truly stop and think
about how the other is feeling. Once one student
finishes his or her restatement, the other student
can be asked whether that summary was accurate
and, if not, they can be given the opportunity
to clarify thoughts and feelings. This process is
repeated until both students feel their perspective
has been heard and understood.
When facing a one-on-one conflict with a
student, teachers can model this same behavior.
If a student expresses being upset or frustrated,
the teacher can model perspective taking, as is
demonstrated in the following interaction:
Teacher: John, what I hear you saying is
that you are upset because you were un-
able to finish your assignment on time
because of something out of your control,
and you do not feel it is fair that you lost
points. Is that accurate?
John: Yes. I didn’t know I was going to go
to my dad’s house, so I didn’t bring my
textbook home.
Teacher: Okay, can you please explain
what you are hearing me saying so that
I know you understand my point of view
as well?
Figure 1. Monthly Costs
WWW.KDP.ORG
Figure 1.
The “Drama Triangle”
Victim
Believes he or she
is being oppressed
Rescuer Persecuter
Wants to “save the day” May or may not actually be
persecuting the victim
Whereas many teachers might summarize
a student’s perspective by saying, “I know you
feel upset because . . .,” even if the statement
that follows is correct, the teacher is essentially
telling the student how he or she feels. Providing
the student an opportunity to confirm that his
or her feelings have been accurately represented
validates the student’s thoughts and feelings as
well as models how to ensure you understand
another’s perspective.
Escape the “Drama Triangle”
The “drama triangle,” depicted in Figure 1,
is a social model describing the relationship be-
tween personal responsibility and power in con-
flicts, as well as the destructive and shifting roles
people play (Karpman, 1968). As long as teachers
and students continue to play out the roles in this
triangle, they will struggle to form positive and
productive relationships in the classroom.
In the “drama triangle,” the victim is not
always an actual victim, but rather someone
who is feeling or acting like a victim. The victim,
if not actually being persecuted, will seek out a
persecutor, or someone to blame for his or her
troubles, such as a classmate or an adult with
some authority. Consider a typical school scenario
KAPPA DELTA PI RECORD • JAN–MAR 2018 33
 ‘‘
Mediation
As educators, we often
face this dilemma between
choosing to be the rescuer,
especially in a school environment,
and enabling students to take
responsibility and accountability for
their actions.
—WRIGHT, ETCHELLS, AND WATSON
where one student is excluded from an activity.
The explanation may be logical and without
malice—perhaps only those involved with a
group such as student council were invited; how-
ever, the excluded child may look for someone to
blame, and that individual might be the teacher
in charge of the activity or another student.
The victim also looks for a rescuer, often
a teacher, to save the day. While the rescuer’s
intention is to help the victim, he or she may per-
petuate the victim’s negative feelings (Karpman,
1968). If the excluded student in the preceding
scenario approached an adult unrelated to the
situation to be the rescuer and fix the problem,
any action the rescuer takes will validate the vic-
tim’s perception of having been wronged.
Rescuing also has negative effects because
it keeps the victim dependent on the rescuer;
and the victim, consciously or unconsciously,
gives up personal power. When a student gives
up personal power, he or she is also giving up
personal responsibility and accountability. As
educators, we often face this dilemma between
choosing to be the rescuer, especially in a school
environment, and enabling students to take re-
sponsibility and accountability for their actions.
Referring back to the excluded student, rather
than trying to intervene and fix the problem, the
teacher could encourage the student to consider
why he or she was not invited, or perhaps to
have a calm conversation with the person in
charge. By being aware of this model, teachers
are more able to be cognizant and proactive fa-
cilitators instead of enabling students to remain
within the triangle.
34 KAPPA DELTA PI RECORD • JAN–MAR 2018
Honor Conflict Styles
Beyond fight or flight are more complex
behaviors of competing, collaborating, compro-
mising, accommodating, and avoiding (Watson
& Watson, 2011a). By understanding our own
behaviors and those of our students in times of
conflict, we can better understand how conflict
styles can impact our desire to be assertive and
satisfy our own concerns, or to be cooperative
and satisfy the concerns of others.
Regardless of style, it is important to remem-
ber that not all conflicts require engagement—
sometimes the best thing a teacher can model is
the ability to ignore or avoid a situation. When
deciding whether or not to engage in a classroom
conflict, ask yourself the following questions
(Watson & Watson, 2011a):
• How important is the issue to you? For ex-
ample, is the problem negatively impacting
the classroom environment or might it have
a negative impact in the future?
• Do you currently have the energy to engage
in this conflict?
• What are the potential consequences of
engaging in this conflict? Are you ready for
the consequences?
• What are the consequences if you do not
engage in the conflict?
By answering these questions before engag-
ing in conflict within classrooms, teachers can
reduce stress levels for all parties and model
positive behavior. As adults, we are most likely to
handle conflict in a manner we saw modeled as
children (Watson & Watson, 2011a). Therefore,
as teachers, it is critical we approach conflict
management with an understanding of our own
behavior as well as the knowledge that how we
handle conflict now will directly impact how our
students manage conflict in the future.
Create a Classroom Conflict
Mediation Plan
Once teachers understand their conflict styles
and those of their students, they can develop a
Classroom Conflict Mediation Plan. By creating
this plan prior to being involved in a conflict, the
teacher can (a) thoughtfully create a productive

intervention plan, and (b) intentionally imple-
ment the plan when in conflict (see Table 1). A
Classroom Conflict Mediation Plan is simply a set
of sequential steps to follow when conflicts arise
in the classroom. This proactive measure can help
the teacher to remember to mediate, rather than
just manage, the conflict. This ready-made plan
is especially important toward the end of the
year, when energy levels are down and conflict
can escalate more rapidly. Having a plan can save
time and relationships, and supports the develop-
ment of students as socially responsible people.
Think of the Classroom Conflict Mediation Plan
like the version 2.0 of counting to 10 or taking
a deep breath.
Supporting Students’
Mediation Skills
To foster a developmentally responsive class-
room, teachers must identify students’ conflict
mediation abilities, work with students at their
current levels, and support their development
into strong conflict mediators (Vygotsky, 1980).
Every child is going to enter the classroom
with different experiences and mental models;
therefore, it cannot be assumed that all students
will react the same way to conflict. Being devel-
opmentally responsive means the teacher must
meet the student at his or her current skill level
and, just as in teaching spelling or multiplication,
provide scaffolding and models to support the
student’s growth.
The traditional authoritarian approach to
classroom management creates a system where
the ideal situation is a teacher who wins and a
student who loses (Walker, 2009); however, in
this approach, often both parties end up losing.
Through a mediation paradigm, outcomes are
no longer dictated; the students have power in
the situation and are much more likely to bring
resolution to fruition because they are invested
in the creation and processing of ideas. Through
this process, we empower our students to take
control of conflict in their own lives in the present
and in the future. The mediation approach shifts
how we, as educators, understand our relation-
ship with students and makes us advocates for
our classrooms, schools, and communities.
WWW.KDP.ORG
Table 1. Steps for Developing and Implementing a
Classroom Conflict Mediation Plan
Developing a plan Using the plan
1. Resolve that effectively me- 1. Use your plan every time
diating classroom conflicts is you have a conflict in the
important. classroom.
2. Refine and learn communica- 2. Review and modify your
tion skills you view as essen- plan as you grow and
tial to managing classroom change as a teacher.
conflict. 3. Adapt your plan to best
3. Determine the physical, support each situation.
emotional, and cognitive ex- 4. Celebrate when you use
periences you currently have your plan and see the
when engaged in a classroom productive outcomes
conflict. for you, your classroom
4. Determine when a classroom environment, and your
conflict is yours personally or students.
one you need to help others
manage.
5. Determine and write down
specific steps you will use
(typically 4–8 steps) each
time you engage in a class-
room conflict.
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