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A pastor’s wife is a remarkable individual, but her service often goes unnoticed.

Whereas the pastor is


the face of a congregation, the mouthpiece of a church, the spiritual leader of a parish, his wife is often a
quiet, stalwart supporter. This kind of demure steadfastness enables a pastor to be the best faithful
servant he can. Let’s not forget the pastor’s wife when the time comes to give appreciation. There is a lot
of beautiful biblical text that supports this; there’s no shortage of pastor’s wife appreciation verses and
scripture. Here are some good examples of Pastor's wife appreciation wording ideas:

Thank you pastor's wife.

You may have one of the most thankless roles in the world. You receive no compensation, but there are
many expectations of you. At times you are expected to be omnipresent; and other times you are
expected to be invisible. Rarely at any of those times does anyone express gratitude to you.

Thank you pastor's wife.

You may have one of the most selfless roles in the world. You are expected to be at the beck and call of
church members, regardless of your own schedule. You are expected to adjust your life to the life of the
pastor, who just happens to be your husband. You really have no independent life of your own.

Thank you pastor's wife.

You may have one of the most challenging roles in the world. You are the only person in whom your
husband can truly confide. When he is down, you are expected to encourage and exhort him. You try to
provide balance for your family and children, especially since some of the church members expect them
to be perfect.

Thank you pastor's wife.

You may have one of the most painful roles in the world. You have discovered how hurtful some church
members can really be. You listen to criticisms of your husband, and you are expected to be stoic. And
when you are hurt, you think you have to keep it to yourself. You internalize it and hurt even more.

Thank you pastor's wife.

You may have one of the loneliest roles in the world. People in the church seem afraid to get to close to
you. Friendships are rare, if not non-existent. There are times you want to cry out in your need and pain,
but there is no one to listen to you. In your darkest moments, you wonder if it's all really worth it.
Thank you pastor's wife.

We who stand on the sidelines may not know your hopes, hurts, and needs. We may not realize the
depth of your times of pain and loneliness. But we know Someone who does. And He is with you. He is
your strength. He is your comforter. He is your confidant.

And one day you will see that Savior named Jesus face to face. One day you will get your rewards for
your labor, sacrifice, and love. One day He will look at you with unstoppable love and piercing eyes. One
day He will say, "Well done good and faithful servant. Well done."

And then you will know it was all worthwhile.

Thank you pastor's wife.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Why are so many pastors’ wives under spiritual attack? Because the enemy knows how crucial her job is.
If he can cause distraction, disappointment, or discouragement in her life, it would affect the whole
church. So what can we do to help? What does our pastor’s wife need to hear from us today?

Here are four things we can say to our pastor’s wife that she desperately needs to hear from us.
Speaking these words and committing to following up with action will ensure God’s protective covering
over her and her family.

1. I appreciate you.

“I do not cease to give thanks for you…” (Ephesians 1:16 ESV).

We attend services and enjoy fellowship with our church family. We drop our prayer requests into the
box and shake the pastor’s hand when we leave. But if something isn’t to our liking, we may be tempted
to run to her with our concerns.

Maybe you didn’t appreciate the way the teachers handled the children’s class this morning. Or maybe
the greeter at the front door wasn’t as friendly as usual. So-and-so may have said something to hurt your
feelings, and you may be tempted to visit the pastor’s wife with your complaints. Before you stop her in
the hall or call her after service, consider this. What if everyone confronted her today with a problem?
Multiply your concern times the number of people in the church. That’s how many grievances she could
hear today.

Instead, why not offer words of acknowledgment? Let her know how much you appreciate her. Give her
that encouragement Paul teaches about in Ephesians. “I appreciate you.” These three words have the
power to fight off any discouragement the enemy tries to throw her way.

2. I am praying for you.


“…remembering you in my prayers,” (Ephesians 1:16b).

We often remember to pray for our pastor and the leaders of the church. But do we always include the
pastor’s wife in those prayers? Most of her job is behind the scenes. As a result, we may forget about all
the work she does for us.

Let’s pray for her today, and then tell her about it. Praying blocks the enemy’s schemes. And knowing
she has our prayer support will uplift her spirits, giving her strength to do the job she is called to do.

3. I respect your leadership and your decisions.

“...that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of
revelation in the knowledge of him,” (Ephesians 1:17).

Just like God appointed the pastor to his position, He also appointed the pastor’s wife. He called her to
assist her husband the shepherd in caring for the flock. So, it is not our job to question her guidance. As
long as our pastors follow biblical principles and the doctrine of the church, we have no reason to doubt
their decisions.

Instead, let’s show our support by telling them we respect them as our God-ordained leaders. In fact,
let’s let other people know too. Pastors do not get to hear these words often enough.

4. You can count on me.

“...having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has
called you,” (Ephesians 1:18).

After years of serving in lay ministry, my husband and I stepped into different interim pastoring positions
before becoming full-time pastors. The pressures of the job created a heavy weight that grew and grew
until I felt I couldn’t get out from under it. Looking back now, I realize all I needed to do was ask for help.
But back then, I had a hard time asking.

Our pastor’s wife needs our help. She may be reluctant to ask because she doesn’t want to burden or
overwhelm us. If she asks for our help, we can know she has prayerfully considered all options. However,
this doesn’t mean we need to jump into every opportunity before praying ourselves. We wouldn’t want
to commit and then back out, creating more stress for everyone. Let’s pray about how we can help, then
offer our assistance. A few extra laborers can lighten the heaviness she carries.

The pastor’s wife is a gift to us from God, sent to “equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building
up the body of Christ,” (Ephesians 4:12). Let’s choose to share life-giving words with her today. Speaking
positive affirmations guarantees God’s intervention when the enemy

targets her for attack. It also assures her that she is making a difference in the lives of others, replacing
doubt and discouragement with joy and confidence.

We’re all vulnerable.


Everyone who walks in the church door can be helped or hurt in what happens during the next hour.
Whether saint or sinner, preacher or pew-sitter, oldtimer or newcomer, child or geezer, everyone is
vulnerable, and should be treated respectfully, faithfully, carefully.

No one in the church family is more vulnerable than the pastor’s wife. She is the key figure in the life of
the pastor and plays the biggest role in his success or failure. (Note: I am fully aware that in some
churches the pastor is a woman. In such cases, what follows would hardly pertain to her household.)

And yet, many churches treat her as an unpaid employee, an uncalled assistant pastor, an always
available office volunteer, a biblical expert and a psychological whiz.

She is almost always a reliable helper as well as an under-appreciated servant.

You might not think so, but she is the most vulnerable person in the building. That is to say, she is the
single most likely person to become the victim of malicious gossp, sneaky innuendo, impossible
expectations, and pastoral frustrations.

The pastor’s wife can be hurt in a hundred ways–through attacks on her husband, her children, herself.
Her pain is magnified by one great reality: she cannot fight back. She cannot give a certain member a
piece of her mind for criticizing the pastor’s children, cannot straighten out the deacon who is making
life miserable for her husband, cannot stand up to the finance committee who, once again, failed to
approve a needed raise or the building and grounds committee which post-poned repair work on the
pastorium.

She has to take it in silence, most of the time.

It takes the best Christian in the church to be a pastor’s wife and pull it off. And that’s the problem: in
most cases, she’s pretty much the same kind of Christian as everyone else. When the enemy attacks, she
bleeds.

The pastor’s wife has no say-so in how the church is run and receives no pay, yet she has a lot to do with
whether her husband gets called to that church and succeeds once he arrives. That’s why I counsel
pastors to include with their resume’ a photo of their family. The search committee will want to see the
entire family, particularly the pastor’s wife, and will try to envision whether they would “fit” in “our”
church.

The pastor’s wife occupies no official position, was not the object of a church vote, and gives no regular
reports to the congregation on anything. And yet, no one person in the church is more influential in
making the pastor a success–or a resounding failure–than she.

She is the object of a world of expectations….

–She is expected to dress modestly and attractively, well enough but not overly ornate.
–She is expected to be the perfect mother, raising disciplined children who are models of well-behaved
offspring for the other families, to be her husband’s biggest supporter and prayer warrior, and to attend
all the church functions faithfully and, of course, bring a great casserole.qq

–Since her husband is subject to being called away from home at all hours, she is expected to understand
this and have worked it out with the Lord from the time of her marriage–if not from the moment of her
salvation–and to have no problem with it. If she complains about his being called out, she can expect no
sympathy from the members. If she does voice her frustrations, what she hears is “This is why we pay
him the big salary” and “Well, you married a preacher; what did you expect?”

–She is expected to run her household well on the limited funds the church can pay and keep her family
looking like a million bucks.

And those are just for starters!

The pastor’s children likewise suffer in silence as they share their daddy with hundreds of church
members each of whom feel they own a piece of him, and can do little about it. (But, that’s another
article.)

What we owe to the pastor’s wife….

1)We owe her the right to be herself. She is our sister in Christ and accountable to Him.

My wife was blessed to have followed pastors’ wives who cut their own path. So, in some churches,
Margaret taught Sunday School and came to the woman’s missionary meetings. In other churches, she
directed the drama team and ran television cameras. A few times, she held weekday jobs while raising
three pretty terrific kids. And, as far as I know, the churches were always supportive and understanding.
We were blessed.

Allow the pastor’s wife to serve in whatever areas she’s gifted in. Allow her to try different things, and to
grow. But do not put your expectations on her, if at all possible.
Do not try to tell her how to raise her children. Do not try to get to her husband through her with your
messages or (ahem) helpful suggestions.

2) We owe her our love and gratitude. She has a one-of-a-kind role in the congregation which makes her
essential to the church’s well-being.

Recently, as I was finishing a weekend of ministry at a church in central Alabama, and about to drive the
300 miles back home, a member said, “Please thank your wife for sharing you with us this weekend. I
know your leaving is hard on her.”

How sensitive–and how true, I thought. That person had no idea that my wife underwent surgery two
weeks earlier and I had been her nurse ever since, and that in my absence my son and his family were
taking care of her, and that I was now about to rush home to relieve them.

Church members have no clue–and no way of knowing–regarding the pressures inside the pastor’s
family, and should not investigate to find out. What they should do is love the wife and children and
show them appreciation at every opportunity.

3) We owe her our love and prayers. While the Father alone knows her heart, the pastor may be the only
human who knows her burdens.

Pray for her by name on a regular basis. Then, leave it to the Lord to answer those prayers however He
chooses.

If we believe that the Living God is our Lord and Savior and that He hears our prayers, we should be
lifting to Him these whose lives are given in service for Him.

Ask the Father for His protection upon the pastor’s wife and children–for their health, for their safety
from all harm, and for Him to shield them from evil people.
Pray for His provisions for all their needs, and for the church to do well in providing for them.

Pray for the pastor’s relationship with his wife. If their private life is healthy, the congregation’s shepherd
is far better prepared for everything he will be asked to do.

4) We owe her our responsible care. What does she need?

Do they need a babysitter for a date night? Do they need some finances for an upcoming trip? If they
are attending the state assembly or the annual meeting of the denomination, are the funds provided by
the church budget adequate or do they need more? Is the wife going with the pastor? (She should be
encouraged to do so, if possible.)

Ask the Holy Spirit what the pastor’s wife (and/or the pastor’s entire family) needs, and if it’s something
you can do, do it. If it’s too huge, rally the troops.

5) We owe it to the pastor and his wife to speak up. Sometimes, they need a friend to take their side.

If your pastor’s wife has a ministry in the church, look for people to criticize her for a) dominating others,
b) neglecting her home, or c) running the whole show. To some, she cannot do anything right.

You be the one to voice appreciation for her talents and abilities, her love for the Lord and her particular
skills that make this ministry work.

Imagine you standing in a church business meeting to mention something the pastor’s wife did that
blessed someone, that made a difference, that glorified the Lord. Imagine you planning in advance what
you will say, asking the moderator (who is frequently, the pastor) for a moment for “a personal privilege,”
without telling him in advance. And, imagine you informing a couple of your best friends what you are
planning to do, so they can be prepared to stand up “spontaneously” and begin the ovation. (Hey,
sometimes our people have to be taught to do these things!)
The typical reaction most church members give when someone is criticizing the pastor’s wife is silence.
But you speak up. Take up for her. Praise God for her willingness to get involved, to not sit at home in
silence, but to support her husband and bless the church.

6) We owe them protection for the pastor’s off days and vacations.

After my third pastorate, I joined the staff of the great First Baptist Church of Jackson, Mississippi, and
quickly made an outstanding discovery. The personnel policies stipulated that the church office would be
closed on Saturdays and the ministers were expected to enjoy the day with their families. Furthermore,
when the church gave a minister several weeks of vacation, it was understood at least two full weeks of
it would be spent with the family in rest and recreation and not in ministry somewhere. As one who
took off-days reluctantly and would not allow myself to relax and rest during vacations, I needed this to
be spelled out in official policy.

When a pastor is being interviewed for the position and when he is new, he should make plain that his
off-days are sacred. The ministerial and office staffs can see that he is protected. The lay leadership can
make sure the congregation knows this time is just as holy to the Lord as the time he spends in the
office, the hospitals, or even the pulpit.

7) We owe them the same thing we owe the Lord: faithful obedience to Christ.

Pastors will tell you in a heartbeat that the best gift anyone can give them is just to live the Christian life
faithfully. When our members do that–when they live like Jesus and strive to know Him better, to love
one another, to pray and give and serve–ten thousand problems in relationships disappear.

Finally, a word to the pastor’s wife…

It’s my observation that most wives of ministers feel inadequate. They want to do the right thing, to
manage their households well and support their husbands, keep a clean house, sometimes accompany
him on his ministries, and such, but there are only so many hours in a day and so much strength in this
young woman. She feels guilty for being tired, and worries that she is inadequate.
The Apostle Paul may have had pastors’ wives in mind when he said, “Not that we are adequate to think
anything of ourselves, but our adequacy is of God” (2 Corinthians 3:5).

We are inadequate. None of us is worthy or capable of this incredible calling from God.

We must abide in Him or nothing about our lives will go right.

One thing more, pastor’s wife: Find other wives of ministers and encourage them. The young ones in
particular have a hard time of it, with the children, the young husband, the demanding congregation,
and sometimes, Lord help us, even an outside job.

Invite a couple of these women for tea or coffee. Have no agenda other than getting to know one
another.

See what happens.

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