Marriage is Forever
The Purpose of Marriage
Marriage is the way men and women show
that their commitment to each other is for
life. Within marriage, they learn to respect
and love each other, take responsibility for
each other and enjoy each other’s bodies
sexually. A marriage commitment is for life.
This arrangement is good for the children. It
guarantees that the two parents are totally
committed to the children and to each other.
It creates a safe space where children can
grow up feeling loved and cared for, physically
and emotionally.
Happily Ever After…?
Marriage should be natural and easy - you fall
in love and then you get married and you live
happily ever after: what could possibly be
challenging about it? To teenagers, marriage
is about everlasting romantic love. “Once I
find a person who I am madly in love with and
who is madly in love with me, marriage will be
easy. Our love will keep us together no matter
what happens." Right? To adults, marriage is
about commitment. It is about staying in love
and staying together for a lifetime despite
the fact that both partners are individuals
who change over time and have different
wants and desires.
Honeymoon
The first few months of most marriages are
easy. This phase is called the "honeymoon
phase" and may last up to a year. The
honeymoon phase exists because the couple is
enjoying the advantages of being married:
living together, being together constantly,
sharing everything together, looking toward
the future as a team, planning a family, sexual
intimacy, trust, closeness. The honeymoon
phase is really Eros love, and the couple are
still so wrapped up in an ideal view of each
other, that they ignore any problems or major
differences which may be lurking. The
honeymoon period starts to end as the couple
get to know each other more, and begin to
realise that marriage lasts a lifetime.
Staying Together
So what is challenging about staying
together? You have probably noticed that
many married couples spend a lot of time
fighting and wondered why. At any given
moment, the two people in the marriage may
want two completely different things. Some of
these differences can be so serious, that they
can cause the marriage to fail. It’s all about
being able to compromise: giving in a little to
what your partner wants. Being stubborn
doesn’t work. For example: You want to live
close to your family but so does your spouse,
and the families live 1,000 miles apart. You
want to go to church but your spouse wants to
stay home on Sunday morning. You want to
spend money, but your partner wants to save
it. The conflict that arises can be extremely
difficult to manage. Imagine facing one or two
situations like this every day, day in and day
out, for 50 years. That’s when you have to
start working at it, with patience, generosity
and a lot of forgiving.
What kind of loving?
So what is going to save a marriage, if Eros
can’t carry it through? Philia love, perhaps.
Your spouse should also be your friend,
someone that you share things in common with,
things that help keep you close together. But
even this kind of love might not ride out the
disagreements. It takes the kind of selfless love that Jesus was talking about: Agape. Loving
someone else more than you love yourself. Sacrificing your own needs and desires for theirs. Of
course, it wouldn’t be healthy if one partner did all the sacrificing all of the time, and there may be
some things that one or the other partner just feels can’t be sacrificed.

That’s the challenge of marriage. That’s why you need to know the person you will be getting
married to, and to know that it is going to be someone who will work with you daily and love you
enough to solve all of the problems that arise. Then you will have a successful marriage that brings
you joy throughout your life.

A. The Challenges of Marriage

How can these things be challenges to a marriage?
Can you think of any others?
Which ones do you consider to be the most serious?

 Laziness
 Infidelity
 Disagreements over having children
 Belonging to different/ no religion
 In laws opposed to the marriage partner
 Abuse or violence in the relationship
 Addiction to alcohol or drugs will destroy any marriage.

B. Your Ideal Spouse

What do you think are the most important qualities in a marriage partner?
Draw a picture of your ideal husband/ wife, and annotate what qualities they should have to
make the marriage work.

C. Our Society

Look at the table. What can you say about marriage from comparing the number of
marriages/ divorces in 1950 and in 2000?

UK MARRIAGES & DIVORCES 1950 1960 1970 1980 1990 2000

(in thousands)

Number of first marriages 330 336 389 279 241 180

Number of re-marriages 78 57 82 140 135 126
Number of marriages 408 394 471 418 375 306
Number of divorces 33 26 63 160 168 155