Are you Smart Enough To Be This Kid's Tutor

(Opening cut scene.)

Laurie is sitting at home intensely playing his video games.

<Door Knocks>

Laurie: (Annoyed, to himself) God! (Aloud, annoyed) Who is it?

Sakuntala: It’s me Sakuntala.

Laurie: (To himself) Great! <Laurie smashes his controller on the

ground and gets up to open the door.> Hi Sakuntala, what bring you
here! (Sounding Annoyed.)

Sakuntala: Hey, Laurie. Your mother sent me here to see you. May I
come in?

Laurie: Sure. Sure.

Sakuntala: Thanks. Listen Laurie, your mother is really upset and

worried about your grades. I came here to help you.

Laurie: How are you going to help me? (Rolls his eyes.) I don’t need
any help. I’m perfectly fine the way I am.

Sakuntala: (Murmuring.) Like how Charles is perfectly fine the way he

is... (Then Louder.) Then explain this young man? (Holding a bunch of
papers.)

Laurie: Give me that (Snatching the papers out of her hands). Why do
you have my tests?

Sakuntala: Listen Laurie, these are all your tests and quizzes. And in
all of them, you have failed! I can’t believe you Laurie, how could you?

Laurie: (Exasperated look) C’mon Sakuntala, it’s only a few tests and
quizzes. No big deal, I’ll just work harder next time and make up for
them!

Sakuntala: These tests are a big deal and failing them is an even
bigger deal. I’m completely shocked that you passed the fifth grade
with these marks.
Laurie: That’s not fair, the teachers at my school this year, are too
strict and they didn’t like me ‘cuz I got into a lot of fights.

(Sakuntala raises an eyebrow.)

And I STILL passed... I’m way smarter than any ol’ fifth grader!

Sakuntala: (Thoughtfully...) Hmmm... Well, there’s only one way to find

out! (Looks at the audience.) Maybe I can get him a tutor this way...
(Looks back at Laurie.) Laurie, let’s go!

Laurie: Wha-what? Wait, where are we going? Sakuntala what are you
talking about? I have to stay home and stud… (He gets interrupted)

Sakuntala: We both know that you aren’t going to study! And as a

concerned friend of your mother’s, I have to find some way to help
you.

Laurie: (To the audience.) Seriously! (Appear upset and frustrated.)

(Laurie and Sakuntala exit.)

(At the studio)

Laurie: (Extremely confused.) Ummm? Sakuntala, what exactly are we

doing at a studio? Huh?

Sakuntala: You’ll see. (Smiles.)

Laurie: (Mutters quietly) Tch! Whatever you say!

(Laurie and Sakuntala walk around for a bit and arrive at the set of “Are
You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader”, while the theme music is playing.)

Sakuntala: CUT! CUT! Please stop the music! (Music does not stop.)

Laurie: Sakuntala! (Whispers harshly.) What on EARTH are you doing!

Sakuntala: Never mind that. (Waves dismissively at Laurie.) Will you

hold on for a moment? (Exit for a brief moment and return... The music
stops) Now, play this CD.

Laurie: (Patronizing voice.) Yeah, yeah, whatever!

(Opening music plays.)

(Gremio and Estella enter and sit at desks.)

Sakuntala: (Cheering in the background.) Welcome to “Are You Smart

Enough to Be This Kid’s Tutor?!!! We’re going to be asking our
contestants a few questions to find the right tutor for Laurie an eleven
year old. Come on in Laurie!

(Laurie walks in sulking.)

Laurie: Seriously Sakuntala? Couldn’t you just hire a tutor by making a

couple of phone calls? It would be a lot easier. (Sakuntala glares at
Laurie.) Just sayin’... Alright.
Sakuntala: (After a moment’s pause.) So, let’s get to it! Now to
introduce your tutors Laurie! (Laurie rolls his eyes.) Presenting, Gremio
and Estella! So Laurie, which tutor do you want to choose first?

Laurie: Ugh?! This is so stupid. But I guess I’ll take the guy, he looks
smart. Besides guys are smarter, right?

(Estella harrumphs.)

Estella: I resent that. I’ll have you know that I studied in many
prestigious schools of my time. It would be a shame if you were to
select him over me.

Laurie: Once again, whatever! Let’s get on with it! You... (Points at
Gremio.) Come over here!

Gremio: My name is Gremio of Padua,

Son unto my father, a wealthy man-

Estella: Oh brilliant! A poet like as the many others who have tried to
woo me. It is futile don’t you know Gremio.

Gremio: Truly it is, as Bianca, my love,

Has won my amour and my passion-

Laurie: Whatever, just get over here, then I can go home and play
some vid- (Sakuntala frowns at Laurie.) Ahhh… I mean play my cello!

(Sakuntala nods and looks to the audience.)

Sakuntala: Well! Gremio is a fine man, who is passionate about

literature and the arts. So
Gremio, tell us a bit about yourself.
Gremio: Is there something more divine than the gift,
Of mind, tis an embodiment of me,
The pinnacle of the heart and soul,
An art you should strive for, it truly is.

Its beauty in the form of eloquence,

It’s depth in the magnitude of words,
And if all else shall perish in this world,
The compassion of knowledge should well suffice

Laurie: Honestly! If this guy is going to rhyme everything he says, then

I’ll choose the chick.

Sakuntala: Sorry, but you’re too late. You’re stuck with him for this
round. Now let’s begin! First question! Please, choose a category
Laurie.

Laurie: Ummm...Second Grade Geography, I guess.

Estella: Hmmm...You are attempting the simple questions first, right?

You’re not as dumb as you seem...This way you will survive for longer
time, am I correct?

(Laurie grimaces.)

Gremio: There is nothing shameful in a passion,

If so deep your love is then let it be.

Laurie: Yeah! What that wonderful poet just said.

Estella: Oh please...Spare me the theatrics will you.

Sakuntala: Yes, let’s get on with the show...Laurie, your first question
is, how many countries is North America divided into?

Estella: (Brightens considerably and smiles.) North America, the large

mass of land across the frigid Atlantic, I believe it is. (Quickly locks in
her answer.) It has done me good to study abroad, yet it is a wonder
how that foolish Pip believes that he is too fit to woo me.

Laurie: (Looks scared and fidgets.) C’mon, I know this, I know this!

Gremio: (Looks utterly confused.) What a preposterous idea,

tis,
 Sea and loch and rapids I
have heard of,
But what be this unknown
idea I,
Truly I haven’t the faintest
of thoughts.
(Laurie glares vindictively at Gremio.)

Laurie: Charles would’ve wanted me to do this... (Laurie slaps Gremio.)

Laurie: Now, I got it.

Estella: It took quite a while don’t you think foolish, little boy? Although
I must commend you for slapping that buffoon.

(Laurie looks away.)

Sakuntala: (Ignoring everything that just happened.) You have an

answer, right Laurie? Well, lock it in then.

(Laurie locks in his answer.)

Sakuntala: Yes, you have answered right. There are thirty-three

countries in north America

(Applauses and drum roles in the background.)

Laurie: (To himself.) Whew, that was a close one. (Wipes his brow.)

Estella: A bit frightened, aren’t we now? Are you sure this is a contest
you are up for, or do you by any chance a wish to leave and never
return.

Laurie: Not a chance! I’ll win whether this loon knows anything or not!

Gremio: What a wonderful thing, to make a pact,

Unto oneself, tis a brilliant tact.

Estella and Laurie: (Sounding extremely annoyed.) Would you please

stop?

Gremio: So polite, so charming, of course I shall.

Laurie: Can we get on with this? I choose...Ummm...How about Fifth

Grade Literature?
Sakuntala: Of course! Your next question is; in the 1600’s, Shakespeare wrote many plays
including quite a few comedies. Can you guess which comedy this line is from?

"Thus have I politically begun my reign?

And 'tis my hope to end successfully
My falcon now is sharp and passing empty,
And, till she stoop, she must not be full gorged,
For then she never looks upon her lure,
Another way I have to man my haggard,
To make her come and know her keeper's call
That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
That bate and beat and will not be obedient. (4.2.188-197)

Gremio: How odd tis be, for that speech seems much like,
Petruchio’s gloating, as he tamed a shrew,
Entitling it, The Taming of The Shrew.

Laurie: How am I supposed to know this, isn’t this Grade Ten stuff?

Sakuntala: So, do you accept that you need a tutor? Huh, Laurie? Or
do you insist on being stubborn as a child?

Estella: Forfeit why you don’t. Use what little brain you have and
accept defeat. As all men are, your intelligence is not a forte.

Laurie: (Muttering to himself) Aw man, she’s right. I’m a goner. But I

can’t admit that. Especially to a girl (Stops muttering)! I’ll go with that
idiot over there.

Sakuntala: And that is the correct answer! This soliloquy is from The
Taming of the Shrew (Applauses and drum roles in the background)!

(Laurie heaves a sigh, and Estella looks extremely furious.)

Laurie: What? Angry that a boy got the right answer! (To himself.)
Amazing he got it right!

Estella: That was a fluke. And of course I’m angry; men are of a lesser
species than women. They’re only focused on material possessions and
objectify women. And as such, I have made it my goal to treat men as
they treat women.

Laurie: Where do you get this stuff?

Estella: I wouldn’t expect you of an even lesser breed than dog to
comprehend my thoughts. Essentially, women are as good if not much
better than men.

(Laurie rolls his eyes.)

Sakuntala: Okay, please everyone, let’s just get along. Laurie pick a
third category!

Laurie: First Grade Math sounds easy enough.

(Estella snorts)

Sakuntala: Okay your question is; If Sam has five apples, and Lisa has
three, how many do they have in total?

Laurie: Crap. I’m horrible at math! Ah well... Time for a bit of fun.
Charles style.

(Laurie locks in an answer, with a smirk on his face.)

Sakuntala: Well folks, Laurie has locked in an answer! (Is about to read
Laurie’s answer out loud but then gasps.) This word... Honestly Laurie.

Laurie: What... (Innocently.) You asked me to lock in my answer and I

did.

Sakuntala: (Outraged.) How dare you! I thought that this contest would
get you excited, Laurie, but apparently not. Let’s go, we’re going to see
your mother about your attitude. Maybe some punishment would do
you good.

(Sakuntala pulls Laurie off stage as Estella laughs hysterically.)