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CONNECT AND GROW WITH WOMEN IN OUR COMMUNIT Y

APRIL 2011

Women Leading
the way in a
new way
SYLVIA LAFAIR

Managing finances
folLowing the
death of A spouse
APRIL OLIVER

Mary Elizabeth
Murphy
From the publisher Mimi Zelman

Dear Readers,

Can’t believe we are now headed into spring and


the year is flying by!

This month we have Mary Elizabeth Murphy,


owner of S.T.A. R. resources as our cover story.
I have gotten to know her well these last few
years as a fellow member of Metropolitan
Business and Professional Women, and through
the wonderful articles she writes regularly for our
e- magazine.


Also, May 1 is Holocaust Memorial month and
we have an amazing story of a survivor that is a
must read.We have started a Charlotte Women
With Know How Group on Linkedin, so check it
We have started out and join us.

a Charlotte Women The members are all women business


With Know How owners here in Charlotte that want to connect.
We will be planning socials and informal
Group on Linkedin,


get togethers in order to get to know each
so check it out and other better.
join us.
Dates and times will be posted on the group
page.Have a successful month!

Mimi

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COntents

Features

16 26 34 40
Cover Story never forget RELATIONSHIPS Food
Mary Elizabeth Murphy Dr. Susan Women Leading Favorites Reinvented
Cernyak-Spatz the Way in a New Way with Flavorful Surprises

Departments
Management
6 Personal FOrecast 22

Robyn Crigger Marcie Williams-Browing

Young entrepreneur
8 finances 32

Kimberly Hughes April Oliver

MARKETING
12 wellness 36

Mara F. Campolungo Vickie L. Bunzey

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Serving Charlotte
Visit Our and Charleston

Online Store
Publisher/President
Mimi L. Zelman
mimi@womenwithknowhow.com

You know your stuff, design and page production

now show the world! SPARK Publications


info@SPARKpublications.com

vICE pRESIDENT OF MARKETING


Whether you’re heading to your company’s Wendy Whitehurst

board meeting or your daughter’s soccer Contributing Writers


Mary Elizabeth Murphy
practice, you’ll be stylin’ when you show the
Marcie Williams- Browning
world that you are a Woman With Know-how. Robyn Crigger

Kim Hughes
We’ve handpicked a select group of items all of 704events.com
in rich black, to showase the gorgeous fuchsia
pink and silver metallic embroidered message Charleston
Contact Mimi Zelman
that tells everyone you are truly a woman to be
704-491-1207
reckoned with. mimi@womenwithknowhow.com

For more advertising information call


Mimi at 704-491-1207 or email her at:
mimi@womenwithknowhow.com
Copyright ©2010

www.womenwithknowhow.com
Cover photography: Dustin Shores
4
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Management Robyn Crigger, CEO Compass Career Management Solutions–OI Partners Inc.

A Critical Step to the


Survival of A Company

A majority of companies know that are really prepared for management or


they MUST have a Succession Plan decision making?
A majority of companies know that
they MUST have a Succession Plan, Any company or organization
but for the last few years this has needs to have a practical and
been pushed to the back burner, as thorough plan for its future
the company leadership focuses on Any company or organization needs
“staying in business”. The theme to have a practical and thorough plan
for all has become “Run Lean”, for its future, which includes a) the
but like a body you can’t starve process of accurately defining the job
yourself forever. descriptions of each key executive role,
b) an effective preparation process
The fact is our for all to follow, and c) to have in
MORE INFO
OI Partners Inc. – Compass
workforce is getting place a clear process for the normal
Career Management older, and in the rotation of these professional positions.
Solutions
www.compasscareer.com near future the Baby Requirements and legal protocol should
(704) 849-2500
rcrigger@compasscareer.com Boomers will retire! be a part of this Succession Plan.
Most employers
will admit that they In order to have solid and reputable
haven’t provided training or candidates prepared to step into
executive coaching for at least two these executive roles, there must be
years. As employees begin to retire OR a “developmental process” for the
change companies, what employees candidates to follow and conclude by
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the time their predecessor is ready to
retire or leave. This requires a calendar No one is perfect, but a company’s
which can gauge when to begin preparing
a candidate for his/her developmental
leadership is critical to its success.
process. There needs to be an accurate
estimate of time to prepare the candidate
and expose him/her to all necessary
lessons and experiences. Being a successful leader is the
goal of many, though it is also a big
In addition, a candidate should be responsibility! As the leader of a firm,
assessed carefully for all the natural you will be expected to make solid
skills, talents, and training needed to and good decisions and direct and
take the executive slot intended. There encourage the workforce in doing their
must be plenty of time so that the best. Over time new candidates will
candidate’s personality, natural skills, need to be identified and moved into
and ample training/education have had the cycle for the Succession Plan.
sufficiently rooted themselves into the
candidate’s routine.

No one is perfect, but a company’s


leadership is critical to its success.
Each candidate should take a
leadership role seriously and be
committed to consciously work at
learning all necessary skills
.
A time table should be in place to
help keep the candidates
Within the Succession Plan, a time
table should be in place to help
keep the candidates and company
leadership focused on doing his/her
best. Candidates should have effective
coaches to teach specific aspects of
their upcoming position. While the
existing leadership will need some
coaching to continue to improve their
capabilities and do all that is possible
to grow their firms.
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Young entrepreneur Kimberly Hughes

Tick Tock Tick


Tock Times Up

O
n a given day, how many fail, there is no one to point the finger at
times do you say to yourself besides myself.
or someone how limited your
time is. How you don’t have time to I have been laying down guidelines for
deal with someone or something? myself and I have to admit, they are
How the situation you are in is an sometimes hard to follow but I know
absolute waste of your time? If you for my well-being and to keep the bill
are a busy business professional collectors at bay, they are necessary.
you probably tell yourself that quite I hope that you can factor in some of
often but what do you do about it? these tips to your own life to create a
Probably nothing. less-stressful but more proactive and
productive work day!
I’ve been finding myself
getting busier and busier 1. What’s the Point? If you are
INFO lately and while I love anything like me, you receive many
M O R E
704eve
nts always having a to- phone calls from people who want
t s .com
4e ve n
www.70 .281.4482
do list to destroy, I to meet with you and not to do
704 vents.com
kim@70
4e haven’t busy doing business with you or create a business
the right things. I have relationship. Maybe they want to learn
been finding myself doing from your expertise, want to get to know
things for other people and your contacts and how your influence
concentrating on projects that do can benefit them, or maybe it is
not earn me income. Who is the one someone that you haven’t seen in a long
that suffers? ME! I am my own boss and time and they want to see you. While all
am responsible for my income so if I of the above invitations are flattering, it
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When you create your
client need or something imperative to
daily goals and task my business, by 10 a.m., my task list is
lists, be honest with complete for the day, Period. Anything
yourself in what you that comes in after are projects that
go on the calendar for the next day. If
can get done. each day I took on everything that was
thrown my way, I wouldn’t leave the
office before midnight.
isn’t conducive to my business. Sound
rude? Maybe, but it is the hard truth. 3. Be realistic. Sometimes people, me
included, are naïve enough to imagine we
Think of it this way. Say once a week you have these innate super-powers where
meet with someone under these above we can do everything and get everything
circumstances and including travel time, done. Yeah, right. When you create your
it takes an hour and a half out of your day. daily goals and task lists, be honest
An hour and a half out of a 40 hour work with yourself in what you can get done.
week doesn’t seem that bad BUT add that Some days it is feasible to accomplish
up during the course of a full year and 50 things where other days, crossing
that is 78 hours… seventy-eight! That is 5 things off of our list is a miracle. The
one meeting short of 2 full weeks out of more we DON’T get done, the more
the year. Now, this is one time a week, stressed we become. Cut yourself some
so do the math if you do it twice or three slack and know your limits.
times a week. Instead, try to meet with
people after hours; maybe a networking 4. Say NO. I am the quintessential
event or maybe for a 5 p.m. glass of wine. people pleaser. I am affected by people
who don’t like me and I don’t like to
Have a meeting that is essential to your ‘let’ people down by turning them
business? Schedule the meeting over down, whether it is to help them with a
breakfast, lunch or dinner. We all have to work project or a friend who wants to
eat, right? Of course, sometimes schedules go out for drinks. I know the time has
don’t work out and in that case, I will come that I have to deal with that mind
schedule a meeting over a ‘down-time’ or a frame because I can only do so much.
time where I slower during the day; for me, When you do need to say no, I am not
that is either 10 a.m. or 4 p.m. saying that you get rude about it; just a
distinguished and honest decline and if
2. Make That List. Nothing gives me someone gets upset, then they need to
more satisfaction than accomplishing look inward at their own selfishness.
things; more specifically, being able
to cross things off a list. Unless it is a 5. It’s You Time. I use to let the weight
9
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of the world rest of my shoulders and it not conducive for me to do during work
carried with me day after day and guess hours. During my ‘homework times’ I will
what? That weight ended up on my hips, also return miscellaneous emails, write
stomach, arms… (You get the picture). One thank you cards to clients and contacts
thing that doesn’t leave my schedule now and work out new marketing agenda’s.
is my ‘appointment’ with my gym.. Six days All important tasks but easily done after
a week, typically from 7:30pm to 9:30pm, work hours.
I am taking care of me and physically
beating the stress out of me and in doing In early March, a story arose out of
so, you have no idea how many problems Michigan. A 16 year-old boy, Wes Leonard,
I solve in my head and how much clarity died on his high school’s basketball court
I have. Maybe 2 hours isn’t feasible for after sinking the game winning shot in
you but trust me, shave off a few hour of overtime. He died of cardiac arrest due
playing around on Facebook or Twitter, to an enlarged heart. Remember, he was
sulking in front of the TV, or having the 16. It is extremely tragic and is a strong
above stated ‘unnecessary meetings’ and reminder that we never know when our
surprise, the time you have to exercise and time is up. I am sure if someone told Wes
de-stress begins to add up. that this would be his last morning waking
up as a mortal and that evening, playing
6. It’s Homework Time. Instead of basketball, he would die of a heart attack,
logging extremely long hours of work at he would have laughed until he cried.
the office, set aside 2 or 3 days a week
where you take work home. Concentrate The truth of the matter is, each second that
on taking non-essential but still important passes, we are that much closer to death.
things home to accomplish. Example, my Do you want to pass on after working
monthly columns for Women With Know 24/7 or do you want enjoy life? Enjoy your
How; while I love writing my column, it is friends, your family and the Earth that we
are blessed to be on or instead, brag that
you worked 85 hours in one week?

Yes of course, work and earning a living


is imperative to life but it shouldn’t
define us. When my time ends, I want
to be known for the person I was, the
impacts I made, and who I touched. Not
as that girl from 704events.com who
spent her life working and didn’t make
time for the little things in life or the
things that make life worth living.
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MARKETING Mara F. Campolungo, Sandbox Solutions

How Will You Use


Your Tongue Today?
Practical Thoughts on the Impact of Your Words

A
s you read this article, I text messaging and other non-verbal
would like to ask you to methods. But I’d like to share a short
please stick out your tongue. story about the importance of what you
And keep it out. Now that it’s out, I say and how you say it.
would like to ask you two questions:
Several months ago, Sandbox
1. How will you use your tongue today? Solutions attended a Toastmasters
2. When was the last time you used Regional contest. One of the speakers,
your tongue to encourage someone or Kim Jackson, caught our attention. Her
to shed a positive light in someone’s speech theme was, “What are your
life? It’s okay now to put five words?” and she encouraged her
your tongue back into audience to examine the dashes on
your mouth. our gravestones. You know, that dash
MORE INFO between the birth and the end, and
Mara F. Campolu s
ngo The Importance of then what five words would be most
Sandbox Solution
.com
What You Say fitting for the gravestone.
www.YourSandboxx.com
mara@inyoursandbo Often, we don’t think She asked the audience to question
704.201.3354
about the power of how have we lived our lives, how we
our tongue and how
mighty this tool actually is
in business. We use our tongues A benefit is a result
less and less, with all the technologies
or solution the client
that surround us like email, Facebook,
receives from using
12
® your product.
have spent that dash and the significant
five words that told our story. Have you We never thought about how we
ever thought about your dash? were using our tongues; we were just
About how you would capture your life
in five words?
being us at Sandbox Solutions.

My business partner and I were very


impressed with her and talked with and reenergized my spirit. They saw
her after the competition. Two months beyond the printed page of my resume
later, Kim called us and wanted to to something far more worthwhile.”
“play in the Sandbox”, to help her
build her professional motivational Make an Impact
speaking business. She has a dynamic We were, and still are, speechless
personality and presence, full of by the power of words, by the huge
energy and zest. When she gave us her impact of what we saw as such a small
business resume for our review, we
saw that Kim has truly lived a full and
complete dash. When we told her that
she was an amazing woman, Kim’s eyes
welled up with tears and she swiftly
moved on to the next topic.

Fast Forward…
In the next few months, we didn’t really
think that much about the details of
that day. We never thought about how
we were using our tongues; we were
just being us at Sandbox Solutions.
Then we saw her business blog entry.
Here is an excerpt from the blog…

“When I heard the words, “You are


an amazing woman” from Mara and
Karen, I don’t remember if I responded
verbally, but my spirit immediately
took flight. Five words…what a deal!
Such a small investment on her part,
but what a great gain on mine. Their
simple words reframed my attitude
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Smart communication
gesture. As you go through your day, do is the result of
you think about how you are using your embracing every
tongue? Do you consider a business
meeting a mundane encounter or do
encounter, whether
you see every experience as a potential it is business or
opportunity to make an impact? personal, with a
Almost nothing impacts our ability
conscious mind, heart
to get results from others and get and tongue.
along with people more than our
communication skills. These “people
skills” are critical to the success of
every people leader, manager, coach, about “good communications” or “poor
friend, husband, and wife. communications”, they are talking
about the skills of the communicator,
Valuing Others and to be sure, these are very
Most of the time when people talk important. Good communication skills
start with an attitude of “wanting” to
be a good communicator. We have to

Smart Business value the other person, and want to


understand his/her position before
Isn’t Child’s Play communicating our own position,
and then look for a win-win solution.
When this win-win attitude is in place,
WE CAN HELP YOU... the skills of good communication
Improve your marketing presence tend to follow. Good communication
skills include both listening skills and
Develop an effective social media strategy
sending skills.
Reduce your printing expenses
So now, we ask you to stick your
Fill your buckets with new business
tongue back out and think about what
co-worker, what client, what supplier,

sandb x
S O L U T I O N S
SM
what partner could use an encouraging
word from your tongue today?
Smart communication is the result of
embracing every encounter, whether
Contact us at 704.201.3354
or Info@InYourSandbox.com
it is business or personal, with a
conscious mind, heart and tongue. And
InYourSandbox.com
that’s not child’s play!
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Mary Elizabeth
16
Managing Director of S.T.A.R. Resources
and Author of RESET Your Buttons® Murphy
By David Pollack

First off, let me say,


with no compunction
whatsoever:
I love that I get to do this.
I have known Mary Elizabeth Murphy for Advertising and Marketing Professionals
nearly six years, and in that time I have (CAAMP) liked the results she achieved
gotten to know one of the most dynamic so much that its membership elected
and driven women I have ever met. The Mary Elizabeth to five consecutive
attitude of joy, philosophy of optimism 12-month terms as the body’s
and collaborative mentality that Mary Executive Director and CEO. Under her
Elizabeth brings to the table makes supervision, CAAMP had the first sold-
working with her an experience which out show in its history in 2006. Later in
can not only change your business, but the year, it had its second. In fact, for
your life as well, for the better. the duration of her tenure, CAAMP did
not have a seat available at any of its
Mary Elizabeth is the Founder trade shows.
and Managing Director of S.T.A.R.
Resources. S.T.A.R. is, for the What sets Mary Elizabeth apart from
uninitiated, an acronym which stands many other trainers, coaches and
for Strategic Teams Achieving Results. business owners – yes, she is all three,
Using her expertise, vast experience and then some! – is that she doesn’t
and enthusiastic personality, Mary only measure results in monetary
Elizabeth is able to take individuals terms. For a client relationship to have
who work parallel to each other in the been successful, that client’s outlook
same company and coach them into must have changed for the better. A
a cohesive, functioning team. And you team must have been created where
can bet your life she achieves results. there was no true teamwork before.
That team must be balanced according
The Carolinas Association of to the strengths of its members and,
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anybody, if they’re thinking of starting
What sets Mary Elizabeth apart from their own business, should first ask
many other trainers, coaches and herself, ‘What do I have a good time
business owners – yes, she is all three. doing? What am I good at? What am I
being called to do?’ I can tell you from
first-hand experience on both ends of
most importantly, those members must the spectrum that you’re both happier
get along well. Many people in her and more successful when you have a
line of work claim this ideology; I can good time in your work.”
say with certainty that Mary Elizabeth
Murphy is telling the absolute truth I called Mary Elizabeth driven earlier.
when she does. Perhaps the best example of this work
ethic and determination exists in her
“I have a good time doing what I do,” decision to run S.T.A.R. Resources in
says Mary Elizabeth. “I think that two different cities: Charlotte, NC and
Chicago, IL. The two are completely
different in makeup, layout, attitude
and history, but they are also both
places Mary Elizabeth considers
home. Fiercely loyal to both cities,
Mary Elizabeth roughly splits her year
between the two.

The Chicago Patrolmen’s Federal Credit


Union (CPFCU), like many of S.T.A.R.
Resources’ clients, appreciates this
loyalty and responds in kind. For the
past 7 years the CPFCU has contracted
with Mary Elizabeth as their Strategic
Learning Partner. S.T.A.R. Resources
has and continues to provide training,
coaching and consultation to its
executive team, managers, supervisors
and staff by designing customized
processes that align with their current
strategic business goals. She has been
invited to give keynote addresses for
the organization, has sponsored
events it has held and maintains a
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close friendship with Scott Arney, individuals recognize and take advantage
CPFCU’s CEO. of business opportunities, improve their
financial situations and gain the skills and
Mary Elizabeth has always been confidence needed to improve their lives.
able to carry this spirit of loyalty
and commitment to the civic and
women’s organizations with which
“When you volunteer, think of your
she is involved. Her involvement with work with that group as though it were
Metropolitan Business and Professional a business commitment.”
Women (MBPW) saw her unselfishly
give endless hours of leadership and
professional time to the organization, Her philosophy on donating time to
at both the local and state levels. local organizations is simple. “When
you volunteer, think of your work with
She is or has been active in the that group as though it were a business
same capacity with many other commitment. Be sure that you
organizations, including Women First, understand the time commitment, and
the North Carolina Coalition Against take care not to overextend yourself.
Domestic Violence (NCCADV), Plato’s Non-profits and charities depend on
Day, National Association of Women their volunteer staff to be reliable,
Business Owners, the Government dependable and productive.”
Relations Action Committee (GRAC)
of Promotional Products Association Never one to rest on her laurels or
International (PPAI), the PPAI’s be relegated to one category, Mary
Women’s Leadership Conference, The Elizabeth took the plunge and began
March of Dimes, American Society of the coaching certification process in
Training and Development, Society of 2007. Four years later, she is certified
Human Resource Management and by the Coaches Training Institute (CTI),
The Mecklenburg County Women’s Organizational and Relationship Skills
Commission, among others. Her work Coaching (ORSC), the International
with these organizations is an accurate Coaching Federation (ICF) and is
indicator of her commitment to helping planning her own coaching manual,
based upon her proprietary RESET
Your Buttons ® behavioral model,
“I decided to learn the which she outlines in her book RESET
Your Buttons® (Author House, Sept.
science, mechanics 2009). Her reasons for moving into the
and skills of coaching coaching field are right in line with her
other life and business philosophies.
because I realized
training is an event.” ®
19
MORE INFO
S.T.A.R . Resources
“I started out in training,” Mary Elizabeth basis to make
704.535.5610
explains. “I decided to learn the science, sure that info@starresources.biz

mechanics and skills of coaching those concepts


because I realized training is an event. stick and are
In order to effectively impact sustained being applied
behavior and culture change for my appropriately. There
clients a process that includes training, has to be a much more personal
coaching and consultation was required. investment on my end.”

“Think about it,” she continues. “If It is that personal investment in her
you go to this one seminar, and it’s clients and colleagues which sets Mary
held once a year, and there are five Elizabeth Murphy apart from the crowd.
speakers in five different workshops If you don’t come away from a business
over a weekend, how much are you transaction with a new friendship,
actually going to learn? There’s really then you haven’t properly utilized Mary
only a seven per cent retention rate in Elizabeth’s services and expertise.
terms of applicable skills and teachable David Pollack is a freelance writer, editor
knowledge. By being my clients and personal brand manager. You can
Strategic Learning Partner, I’m able to reach him at chapter47@gmail.com or
come back to clients on a consistent follow him on Twitter @Chapter_47.

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21
Personal Forecast Marcie Williams-Browning

2011 Is All About Aligning


Yourself WITH Your Goals
Self-Discovery explore your world and figure out what is
This time of year is the beginning of all working and what isn’t. Take those things
things. New growth is apparent in all that are not working, or not in alignment,
areas of nature and so it should be for and change or eliminate them. Ask a lot
you in your personal growth. This is the of questions about each area of your life
perfect time to begin at the beginning. and then allow yourself to be honest with
What do you want in your life? How do the answers.
you want to feel about your life? Where
would you like to go in the next year? Begin at the beginning and the beginning is
This is the perfect time to ask these you! What do you really want and how can
questions and to figure out what the you align yourself with what you really want?
answer is for you in all areas of
your life. What is important What about alignment?
to you right now and how When we are not in alignment things do
is the answer different not feel like they flow. They can feel like
MORE INFO from answers in the you get stuck often during the process or
is Center
Chrysalis Hypnos
iritBiz.co
www.MindBodySp 40
m past? How are you in like you are hitting a brick wall. You may
704.631.95
alignment with what you notice that people you trust are sharing
want moving forward and their doubts about your current alignment
what areas are no longer or you feel the doubts yourself.
in alignment with your goals?
Doubts are not always a signal that you
What’s Important? are on the wrong path. They could just
Allow yourself the time and space to signify the need for a slight adjustment
22
®
to the path. However, if you hear from strong. When you add your energy to the
multiple sources that they don’t feel right strength of the earth’s energy it makes the
about something, it’s probably time to alignment easier.
listen to those messages and re-evaluate.
For April look for new beginnings. Take
The final decision maker is you and you time to look at your life with new eyes.
will know when it is right regardless of the Be authentic in all self-discovery and
feedback from others. Alignment feels right exploration. As you evaluate your life do so
and feels like it flows smoothly. through your own truth and authenticity.
Another good indicator is the words you use Pull from your inner courage as you create
as you describe your current focus. Are they your new beginnings.
positive, energetic and motivating? If they
are, this is good indicator of alignment. If How do you align
not, you may want to take another look. yourself with your goals?
I talked about my ritual of alignment and
What to align yourself with this month? used the example of money. I choose an
Each month I share some areas for you emotion word each month that represents
to focus self-alignment. These areas are how I want to feel about money. I check in
prominent within the month and therefore frequently to see what circumstances have
the energy behind them is already caused me to feel that emotion in my life.

23
®
This ritual has been so fun! It has brought process and write down everything that
to my attention so many beautiful events happens even if it is a stretch in your mind.
that I may have missed or dismissed
before. We all know how easy it is to lose Every decision we make is based in
focus on our goals and how easy it can be emotion. Using this technique brings more
to get caught up in the negative energy. positive emotion into your life. The more
you review your word, focus on what the
Since self-discovery is one of the focuses word means for you and the goal you’ve
for April I wanted to apply this process to made in association with the word - the
how you view your life and world. Chose faster you will see positive results.
an emotion word that expresses how
you would like to feel about your life this This process brings all parts of you
month. Write it down and place it where into alignment with your goals. The
you will see it often. continued focus throughout the month
keeps you in alignment. The focus
Then track how many times you felt that on the word keeps you positive and
way during the month. The feeling may writing down the experiences of that
be evoked around something unrelated to emotion builds on the emotion itself.
your life but that feeling will spill out into When you are in alignment with your
everything in your life. Have fun with this goals they will happen!

24
®
25
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Never Forget...
by Kim Hughes

T
here have been several Cernyak-Spatz is a straight-forward and
moments in the history of our strong woman, who speaks carefully, yet
world that have shocked the powerfully and captivates her audience.
masses and instilled fear for the Her strength and determination cannot
future of mankind, but none event be emphasized enough. A retired
more than the Holocaust. Over 6 professor from the University of North
million Jews lost their lives at the Carolina at Charlotte, Cernyak-Spatz
hand of an evil dictator and a wicked is one of the very few people who has
regime, not to mention the millions a PhD without a high school diploma.
of non-Jews lives that were taken, Her mission is to make sure there
such as homosexuals, political isn’t another Holocaust that occurs by
prisoners and gypsies. Even in the spreading the ideal of individual thinking
darkest times and disheartening and whistle blowing.
situations, there is always a light
that gives the future hope.
A woman who
Women With Know How wanted to
honor Holocaust Remembrance Day (May beat the odds, did
1, 2011) by speaking with a remarkable whatever it took
survivor of the Holocaust, Dr. Susan
Cernyak-Spatz. A woman who beat the
to survive and
odds, did whatever it took to survive and continues to spread
continues to spread her message of a her message of a
forward thinking , proactive world.
forward thinking ,
26
®
proactive world.
Women With Know How publisher, Mimi
Zelman, and I spent a few hours with In May of 1942, Cernyak-Spatz
Dr. Cernyak-Spatz to learn about her and her mother were sent to
experiences in the Holocaust, how she
survived one of the world’s most tragic
Theresienstadt, a concentration camp.
events and what we can do to prevent
and stop future and current genocides.
To begin, I wanted to state Cernyak- them, an extermination camp. In 1993,
Spatz’s concept of when the Holocaust in a trip to Auschwitz-Birkenau with her
began; in 1933, instead of the technical children, Cernyak-Spatz first found
documentation of 1939. The general idea out the information regarding her
of the German plan, which lead to the mother’s death.
Holocaust, was to assist Germany out
of the deep depression they were stuck Following her stay at Theresienstadt,
in at the time. In 1933 there was huge Cernyak- Spatz was sent to Birkenau,
unemployment in Germany after WW1. arguably the most notorious and well
Hitler had unscrupulous publicists who
presented the ‘program’ to Germans;
proposing to them if they would expel
the Jews from Germany, there would be
many jobs available for Germans to pull
through the depression. The Germans did
not think in terms of extermination, as
extermination was Hitler’s cruel twist on
the original proposal.

In May of 1942, Cernyak-Spatz and her


mother were sent to Theresienstadt,
a concentration camp, which was
the brainchild of both the head of
Jewish Immigration Department and
coincidently, of Hitler and his minions
to show how marvelous the Germans
treated the Jews.

Upon the ‘selection’ at Theresienstadt,


Cernyak-Spatz’s mother was sent ‘East’
to Sobibor one of five camps where gas
chambers and certain death awaited
known extermination camps. Cernyak- closer to taking away one’s soul.
Spatz views herself as ‘lucky’ to be sent to Speaking about Cernyak-Spatz’s
Birkenau because there was a selection emotional status during her time at
process and there were some individuals Birkenau, “I do not get dramatic about
that were pulled out of the selections for things. The situation was dramatic
work. There were a total of five camps, enough and maybe it helped me survive
including Sobibor where Cernyak-Spatz’s because I stayed calm. I had one goal
mother was killed, that were in existence in front of me, Survival, that’s all. My
only as extermination camps. audience says that I am matter of fact
when I talk about my experience. I think
The conditions were despicable I can be more effective as a teacher by
and the treatment of the SS on the being objective than being emotionally
Jews could best be described as involved. It keeps my sanity.”
dehumanizing, with the intentions of Near the end of the Nazi regime, on
ripping away one’s self-esteem and January 17th, 1945, while in the Kanada
self-awareness; all being one step Commando (where all the properties

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28
®
brought in by the transports were
collected and sent in to Reich), Cernyak
The conditions were despicable and the
Spatz and her commando were warned treatment of the SS on the Jews could
by one of the SS officers to take out of best be described as dehumanizing.
the warehouses as much warm clothing,
shoes and food as possible because
as he said, they were going on a ‘long knee-high snow through non-existent
walk’. This ‘long walk’ is now known as roads and trails. Of the 58,000 that
the ‘Death March’ to Ravensbrück. began the Death March, 2/3 survived.
The 500 people from the Kanada
Getting sick was not an option on the Commando survived due to being
‘Death March’, as if one sat down, warmly outfitted.
a bullet in the head was waiting for
anyone who could not walk. Conditions Three years after her terror and turmoil
of the ‘Death March’ were atrocious, as of the Holocaust began; Cernyak-Spatz
participants often had to walk through was liberated in May of 1945.

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We all have been taught about the
To this day, Cernyak-Spatz still Holocaust and have seen the graphic
images that have left the legacy of chaos
has her number from the Holocaust power-driven, fundamentalist group of
on her arm, number 34042 ‘monsters’ but we rarely hear the accounts
of survivors; the ones that have overcome
the odds and lived to tell their stories.
These are stories that need to be heard
To this day, Cernyak-Spatz still has her and accounts that need to be broadcasted
number from the Holocaust on her arm, to end future attacks on humanity.
number 34042. “That number is kept
on (my arm) to prove the Holocaust “Never forget”, says Cernyak-Spatz,
was real. Unfortunately, there are too “That’s the main thing! History repeats
many people who deny the Holocaust itself, Darfur, Sudan, Bosnia, Somalia,
occurred. This is a not a tattoo that and Iraq. There’s only one difference
anyone would put on for fun. People between the genocide of the Holocaust
ask me why I do not have it removed and other genocides because most
and it is for that reason; as long as I am other genocides had a reason, political,
alive, I am a witness”. strategic and economic. The Holocaust

30
®
The Holocaust had I personally have two hopes that you, as
only one reason, readers, will take from this article. First,
NEVER FORGET. That doesn’t mean you
“killing because there should feel guilty, relive each moment
was no other reason.” of our past and become angered but
be aware and be present. Do what you
can to stop events like this occurring
again. Second, think for yourself and be
had only one reason, “killing because yourself. Do not let others frame your
there was no other reason.” life or shape who you are. Listen to your
intuition go your own way.
An obvious question that was asked
of Cernyak-Spatz was what do we, as An upsetting twist is that Cernyak-Spatz
individuals united in this world, need to has been distributing her book almost
do stop another Holocaust? “We need exclusively on her own throughout North
to be rid of hatred and bigotry and we Carolina, as she has been told that books
need to teach our children individual written and published by survivors that are
thinking. Critical thinking is one of the alive are not as big of a draw as survivors
most important things that our children of the Holocaust who have now passed.
can learn.” Specifically, North Carolina press did not
want to print and distribute her book.
I am sensitive to the Holocaust. Not
only because of my potential Jewish Dr. Susan Cernyak-Spatz’s book,
roots but because I do not understand Protective Custody: Prisoner 34042, is
the reasoning for the torture, the available in Charlotte, North Carolina
massacre and hatred toward people. We at the Park Road Bookstore in the Park
all breathe, right? We all have feelings, Road Shopping Center.
right? What makes someone better than
someone else in one’s eyes when we are
essentially the same? I cannot question
my sensitivity and maybe I have the
feelings I do because I, like I hope many
of you, am meant to be a person to not
allow something of this magnitude to
occur again.

Maybe I am a person (okay, I am!), who


doesn’t believe and go along with the
‘Group Think’ mentality.
31
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FINANCE April Oliver, Ameriprise Financial Services, Inc.

Managing Finances Following


the Death of a Spouse

I
n the midst of grief and sorrow, certificate, life insurance policies, bank
a newly bereaved spouse accounts, creditors and a copy of your
has decisions to make and spouse’s will or estate plan. Gather
responsibilities to manage. Here’s a these documents and any associated
short list of financial considerations paperwork and set up folders so you can
for widows and widowers. more easily keep track of everything.

Get organized. As the surviving Settle the estate. If your spouse has
spouse, you’ll need a number of a will, it will determine the distribution
documents in order to finalize your of property. When there is no will, then
partner’s financial affairs. probate court will decide who gets
When you receive what. The laws regarding community
your spouse’s death and separate property (typically
certificate, be sure to property owned by the spouse prior
MORE INFO .
Ameriprise Financia
l Se rices, Inc make several copies to marriage and/or inheritance) vary
April M. Oliver
com
as you will need to
april.m.oliver@ampf.ors.com/
www.ameriprisead ver
vis provide it as proof of
april.m.oli
704.540.7171 death when closing
or changing ownership If you are unable to
of accounts. pay some of your bills
immediately, contact
You will also need your spouse’s
Social Security number, your marriage your creditors and
32
explain your situation.
®
by state. The larger the estate, usually to file on behalf of a decedent. When in
the more complicated the settlement. doubt, consult a tax professional.
Consult an attorney who specializes in
estate laws for complex cases. Sort out finances. If you’re newly
widowed, don’t face your financial
Transfer ownership or close decisions alone. This is the time to
accounts. You’ll need to notify banks, engage a financial advisor, if you haven’t
loan companies and other creditors done so already. Your advisor can help
of your spouse’s death by producing a you look at your overall financial picture
death certificate and providing other and determine next steps. In addition to
identification. If your spouse owned an helping you manage immediate financial
IRA, you’ll need to determine whether tasks such as rolling over a retirement
it makes sense to roll over the assets account, an advisor can also help you
into your own IRA or keep them where address pressing concerns about your
they are. If you are named a beneficiary future, including creating and sustaining
on a life insurance policy or annuity, your income as a single person.
you may have choices as to how you
receive those assets. Consult a
financial advisor to learn more about
your options.

Pay the bills. It can be difficult to


face a task as mundane as paying bills
when you’re experiencing a personal
tragedy. If you are unable to pay some
of your bills immediately, contact your
creditors and explain your situation.
Call me today to see how much
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File taxes. As a surviving spouse,
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refund if taxes were overpaid during
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33
®
relationships Sylvia Lafair, Ph.D.

Women Leading
the Way in a New Way

W
hen you think the Now, take a moment and think about
word “man” what the women you work with. How similar
comes to mind? Do are they in dress and speech? Are
you see a strong, muscular there cookie cutter models of women
guy, perhaps wearing jeans where you work or a freedom of
and a fit to the skin tee shirt? expression? And think about yourself
Maybe it was a sophisticated and the image you present. How free
type in a well tailored suit with are you to say and do what you want?
the perfect stripped tie. Did Do you hold back or are you front and
the first snapshot that came center in your assertiveness and the
to you resemble your dad or a way you present your ideas?
favorite teacher?
Gender Stereotypes:
Now, do the same with the word No One is Left Out
“woman”. What did you see? Each of us falls into categories around
MORE INFO Was it an earth mother with gender stereotypes that are important
Silvia Lafair
long flowing hair and a kind to discuss. No one is left out. We all,
sylvia@ceoptions.com smile or perhaps a model from our earliest learning, modeled
www.sylvialafair.com
570.636.3858
from one of the ubiquitous and mimicked those around us to find
perfume ads in magazines? our way. We did this to learn about
Remember the hip “You’ve come what it means to be a man or
a long way baby” cigarette ads that a woman.
showed strong, can do women standing
on terra firma ready to make it happen? We are all products of the family
34
®
systems we grew up in and the culture when they go for consensus there are
of the times. We are also in bodies frustrated comments that women can’t
that dictate some of our behaviors take a stand.
and our hormones have already
determined much about the impact and This double bind lies at the heart of
consequences of sexuality on our the struggle around women, leadership
lives. So talking about gender and happiness. If you take a stand in a
stereotypes and leadership success no-nonsense way you lose and if you
is complex- way more than a lot of look for agreement you lose. Women
numbers and statistics. have had to deal with the dilemma of
the double bind for centuries. Just think
21st Century Make-Over about child bearing and child rearing.
There are ways to redefine who we Think about the swirling emotions
are and what makes us happy (and around abortion. There is always a tug
the issue of women’s happiness is and pull around working mothers vs.
popping up in article after article these non-working ones.
days) by observing, understanding and
transforming the patterns from the past Right Time, Right Place, Right Now
that have dictated today’s behavior. It was only 50 years ago women were
publically humiliated for wearing slacks.
We need a long lens to go back in our Seems hard to believe! We have made
own personal histories to connect the changes in every area and will continue
dots of what it meant to be a woman to do so in this era where we need to
through the generations. It is only then stop warfare as a means of settling
we can take what it good and healthy arguments, and find ways to heal this
as we move forward and change what hurting planet of ours.
has been handed to us that no longer
works in the present time. Each of us needs to look at the
messages handed to us from the
Getting to the Heart women who came before us to find our
of the Matter own way OUT; to Observe, Understand
Research and statistics have pointed and Transform the patterns of our
to women leaders as more socially personal and collective past, to stand
oriented and collaborative while men on the shoulders of those who came
counterparts are seen as task oriented before us.
and dominating. When women act
autocratically they are seen as “behaving We are helping to create a world our
like a man” and often get lower points ancestors could not even imagine. And,
for the quality of the way they lead. Yet, we have truly only just begun!
35
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wellness Vickie L. Bunzey, Certified Holistic Health Coach

Low Carb or
Glycemic Index?
Americans love diets comes to watching what you eat but
We are crazed with the newest diet, understanding glycemic index and
the fastest diet, the best diet to lose glycemic load of foods goes a long
unwanted pounds. All you have to do way in helping you not be a slave to
is walk into a bookstore to see the counting calories.
many choices of diet books. We spend
millions of dollars on looking for the Glycemics
quickest way to be slim. Many of these Glycemic index measures the way we
diets have to do with carbs….low-carb break down a carbohydrate into the
diet, glycemic index, glycemic load. simple sugar glucose which is used
by our body for energy. Similarly, the
Carbohydrates are glycemic load ranks foods according
controversial to their affect on blood sugar.
MORE INFO When it comes to The difference is that GI gives us
Vickie L. Bunze y diets, carbohydrates information on how quickly our blood
Coach
Certified Holistic Health
rition.com
are controversial. For sugar rises after we eat 50 grams of
www.SimpleWholeFoodNuthstyle.com
vickie@yourba lanc edh ealt
yle.com a while the glycemic digestible food in carbohydrates. The
www.YourBalancedHealthst
704.99 5.1951 index was the way to GL reflects the change in blood sugar
go. This has become caused by eating a normal portion of
the old way of thinking and food. The GL is a more accurate picture
health professionals recommend of how our food affects us. A good
paying attention to the glycemic load example is eating watermelon.
of foods. Of course, calories and fat
content are always players when it To eat 50 grams of digestible
36
®
watermelon, we would need to eat that watermelon is probably not a
about 2 pounds. On the glycemic good choice.
index, water melon is rated high at
about 70 because it contains glucose But, if you look at the glycemic load,
which is pure sugar. However, if the affect on our blood sugar and
you look at a normal serving size the impact on our body vs. just how
of watermelon it contains very little quickly it is digesting and into our
glucose overall and has a glycemic blood stream, watermelon is a good
load of 5. You would have to eat 10 choice. Because glycemic load of food
times a normal portion of watermelon looks at both components, a food
to get the same rise in blood sugar can have a high glycemic index but
as you would from eating a normal an overall low glycemic load making
serving of white bread. it a better choice that what may have
originally thought.
When following the glycemic index,
watermelon and white bread have Foods with a low glycemic load keep
almost the identical glycemic index our blood sugars level and consistent.
making you think This is good. Those foods that have a

37
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higher glycemic load cause a peak in our hungry when we really aren’t and causes
blood sugar, blood glucose levels, and cravings. The key hormone for regulating
we experience a surge of energy and our blood sugar levels is insulin. When
then the crash. An example of this would we eat food that has a high glycemic
be the effects of a candy bar. load our body produces more insulin
trying to metabolize the large amount of
This surge and drop also makes us feel glucose we have just eaten.

When the body’s cells are full and can


no longer Utilize the glucose, we have
excessive insulin in our blood and blood
sugar levels rise. Symptoms that signal
that a person may be developing insulin
resistance are increased belly fat, sugar
cravings, high triglyceride levels, low LDL
cholesterol, high blood pressure and
increased inflammation. It is a vicious
cycle of producing more insulin, our
body not being able to metabolize it and
experiencing those symptoms.

A diet focused on foods with


a low glycemic load has great
health benefits such as:
•Easier weight loss
•Keep blood sugar levels
more consistent
•Burn more calories
•Help prevent insulin resistance
and diabetes
•Lower heart disease risk

Looking at the glycemic load of food


makes sense because you don’t eat
just one food but you combine several
foods in a meal. Looking at the total
picture gives you a more accurate
understanding of what really makes up
your diet.
38
®
Foods are rated within Glycemic Load Foods with a low glycemic
ranges. Low GL foods have a value load of 10 or less:
below 10. Medium GL foods have a value •Kidney, garbanzo, pinto, soy, and
of 11-19. High GL foods are those with a black beans
value of 20+. As a general guideline, the •Fiber-rich fruits and vegetables, like
more fiber rich a food is the better. The carrots, green peas, apples, grapefruit,
main point for weight loss is to keep to and watermelon
lower glycemic load choices. •Cereals made with 100 percent bran
•Lentils
These are going to be lots of fresh •Cashews and peanuts
foods like fruits and vegetables. Is •Whole-grain breads like barley,
that a surprise? It is sensible to pumpernickel, and whole wheat
combine these carbohydrate foods with •Whole-wheat tortillas
protein such as fish, eggs, and cheese. •Tomato juice
Foods have a zero glycemic load. •Milk
Protein helps maintain consistent blood
sugar levels. The focus for weight loss Foods with a medium glycemic
should be a common sense approach load of 11 to 19:
with meals including a carbohydrate, •Whole-wheat pasta and some breads
protein and fat. •Oatmeal
•Barley and bulgur
Americans seem to obsess •Fruit juices without extra sugar
with weight loss •Rice cakes/Brown rice
As mentioned before, Americans seem •Sweet potato
to obsess with weight loss. Taking a •Graham crackers
balanced, common sense approach
also means that we should try to lose Foods with a high glycemic
body fat and not muscle mass. This load of 20 or more:
means that exercise is important and •High-sugar beverages
has to be included in our daily life. •Candy
•Sweetened fruit juices
These are two lifestyle choices that will •Couscous
provide your body with the nutrients it •White rice
needs for good health, keep you feeling •White pasta
full and provide you with energy. •French fries and baked potatoes
The following is not an inclusive list, but •Low-fiber cereals (high in added sugar)
will give you an idea of the glycemic load •Macaroni and cheese
ranges and what food choices are •Pizza
good choices. •Raisins and dates
39
®
Favorites
Reinvented
withFlavorful
40
®
Surprises
W
ith spice consumption at an all-time high
across America, it’s an exciting time for
flavor. According to the McCormick®
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Dirty Martini Steak Kabobs colors are mixed and matched to deliver fun and
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Prep Time: 20 minutes
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3 tablespoons McCormick Gourmet that bring both the comfort of familiarity and the
Collection Yellow Mustard Seed energy of the unexpected,” says Larry Tong,
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1/2 cup olive oil combination of mustard seed and vermouth
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice sparks a martini-inspired steak kabob, complete
2 tablespoons honey with onion and olive garnishes.”
1 1/2 teaspoons grated lemon peel
2 tablespoons juice from green olives Tong sees this lighthearted approach showing
1 1/2 teaspoons McCormick Gourmet Collection up in every course of the meal — right through to
Sicilian Sea Salt dessert. Taking a cue from the report’s Herbes de
1 teaspoon minced garlic Provence & Popcorn pairing, a deliciously creamy,
1/4 teaspoon McCormick Gourmet Collection no-bake cheesecake has a crust of playful and
Coarse Grind Black Pepper crunchy crushed popcorn accented with savory
2 pounds boneless beef sirloin steak, cut into Herbes de Provence.
1-inch cubes
16 small cippolini onions For more recipes and featured flavors, visit
16 large pimiento-stuffed green olives www.FlavorForecast.com.
Mixed Greens with Mustard Vinaigrette

•H  eat large nonstick skillet on medium heat. Add mustard seed; cook and stir 1 minute
or until fragrant. Immediately pour out of hot pan to avoid over-toasting. Coarsely crush
seeds using a rolling pin or a mortar and pestle. Reserve 1 tablespoon for the Mustard
Vinaigrette (recipe sidebar).
• Mix remaining mustard seed, vermouth, oil, lemon juice, honey, olive juice, lemon peel,
sea salt, garlic and pepper in large bowl until well blended. Reserve 1/4 cup of the
marinade for brushing. Place remaining marinade in large resealable plastic bag or
glass dish. Add steak; turn to coat well. Refrigerate 2 hours or longer for extra flavor.
• Meanwhile, bring water to boil in small saucepan. Add onions; cook 5 minutes. Drain
well. Cool onions slightly. Cut off top and bottom ends, then peel onions. Remove
steak from marinade. Discard remaining marinade. Alternately thread steak, onions
and olives onto 16 skewers.
• Grill kabobs over medium heat 8 to 10 minutes or until steak is desired doneness,
turning occasionally and brushing with reserved marinade. Serve kabobs with Mixed
Greens with Mustard Vinaigrette. 41
®
SPARK Publications Presents

on Heaven’s Couch
my journey with a masterful mentor
As a young teenager, Fabi Preslar was
introduced to Yvonne – a vibrant,
outspoken French woman who
would become her life-long mentor.
On Heaven’s Couch describes the
journey that they took together and
the emotional and Spiritual strength
Preslar attributes to her lessons learned.
She explains how Yvonne’s strong
dose of reality coupled with tough
love and heartfelt lessons helped her
to transition from a shy introvert to a
successful businesswoman, empowering
public speaker and mentor.

Filled with bold lessons and poignant


quotes, On Heaven’s Couch encourages
readers to love life, appreciate its little
heavens and, in Yvonne’s words, “Be
good to yourself.”

To purchase, go to:
www.SPARKpublications.com/ohcbook
Orders will begin shipping after February 17th.

After thirteen years of helping others self- has helped her connect not only with other
publish their stories, SPARK Publications female entrepreneurs, but with her clients, as
president Fabi Preslar has switched gears, well. “I knew writing a book was hard…but
picked up her pen, and written her first not this hard! However, with the help of my
book. Fabi decided to write On Heaven’s SPARK Team and the same resources that
Couch after a speaking engagement where my clients have used for thirteen years, I was
she discovered that other women related able to complete my book. Now I can tell
to and enjoyed hearing about her personal clients ‘I’ve been there. If I can write a book,
Fabi W. Preslar journey of mentorship. Sharing her story you can write a book.’”

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