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The Rite of Holy Matrimony and Pastoral Care:

Bringing God’s Blessings and Promises to a Dangerous Endeavor

By Andrew Packer

Nearly five hundred years ago, Luther wrote concerning marriage, “Married life is no
matter for jest or idle curiosity, but is a glorious institution and an object of God’s serious
concern.”1 These words need to be proclaimed from every pulpit throughout our country as
marriage continues to become more and more of a joke and idle curiosity. Whether is it is the
video “JK Wedding Entrance Dance”2 that has become an internet sensation (even to the point of
being parodied in a recent episode of the sitcom The Office), the obsession with celebrity
weddings and marriages (which often last less than a year or two), the various reality shows such
as Bridezillas, Wife Swap, etc., or even the current debates raging over homosexual “marriages”;
it appears that the estate of marriage has become a laughingstock the likes of which Luther could
never have imagined.3

Even in those cases where a “traditional” wedding is sought out and marriage is taken
more seriously than the surrounding culture, the bride and groom often choose a church based
upon its structure (how “pretty” it is) or how many people it will seat, with little regard for the
for the actual content of the marriage ceremony. In fact, many will get married in a church
because the bride has always dreamed of a wedding in a big, beautiful church, even if the bride
and groom rarely or never attend services anywhere.

As marriage becomes more and more of a joke, more and more marriages are ending in
divorce. According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in
Springfield, Missouri, “50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third
marriages end in divorce.”4

What is a faithful Lutheran pastor to do in such a context? While this is a complex

question that could be approached from many angles, the goal of this paper is to show that the
Holy Matrimony rite, as presented in the Lutheran Service Book Agenda, is an exceptionally

1
LC 1:208, Kolb, Robert, and Timothy J. Wengert, . The Book of Concord. (Fortress Press: Minneapolis, 2000), 414.
Cf. “Marriage Booklet” page 368, ibid.
2
In this video all of the members of the wedding party dance down the aisle of the church in pairs, and then in
larger groups to an R&B song until finally they gather with applause around the woman “pastor” at the front of the
church. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0.
3
And this is taking into consideration the sad state of marriage in Luther’s day. Cf. page 70 of Hendrix, Scott.
"Luther on Marriage." In Harvesting Martin Luther's Reflections on Theology, Ethics, and The Church, edited by
Timothy J. Wengert, 169-184. (William B. Eerdman's Publishing Company, 2004.)
4
http://www.divorcerate.org/. Also see http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm.
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important instrument for glorifying God and comforting the sinner as they enter into the estate of
marriage.5

Defining Marriage

One of the reasons that marriage has fallen on such hard times today is that there is no
longer a clear definition of what marriage is – even among many (most?) Christians.6 For a
pastor to properly care for his flock he must make sure that the rites he uses in pastoral care
convey the right message at the right moment – this includes the rite of Holy Matrimony.7 To do
that though, the pastor must make sure that he himself knows what marriage is so that he can
properly evaluate and utilize a good rite of Holy Matrimony. Chemnitz asked and answered the
question, “What is matrimony?” this way:

It is a holy and honorable order or state first instituted by God Himself in

paradise, and thereupon after the Fall, and likewise after the Flood, and finally
also confirmed, and approved in the New Testament, consisting in the lawful and
indissoluble union of one man and one woman, so that mankind might be
propagated according to a specific order (Gen. 1:28), that promiscuous lusts might
be avoided (1 Cor. 7:2), and the spouses themselves might be mutually bound to
each other by the mutual functions and helps of love and benevolence, according
as those functions of pious spouses are set forth in the table of domestic matters
(Eph. 5:22, 25; Col. 3:18-19, 1 Pet. 3:1-2, 7).8

Chemnitz gives a clear and concise definition of marriage that is thoroughly grounded on
the Word of God, and though written nearly five hundred years ago it clearly addresses many of
the issues the church is facing today.9 With this definition in mind the rite of Holy Matrimony
can better be explored to see how it functions as an instrument of pastoral care.

The Rite of Holy Matrimony

This section of the paper will take a look at various elements of the rite of Holy
Matrimony to see how it functions in pastoral care to glory of God and the comfort of the sinner.

Marriage is a public estate which has been established by God. Therefore it “is to be
entered into and recognized publicly before the church, it is fitting that it should also be
5
This language is intentionally taken from Rev. Bryan Wolfmueller’s lecture in Field Education 2, October 23, 2009
at CTS Fort Wayne, IN.
6
Sadly this is true even for far too many pastors today.
7
Cf. Pless, John. "Healing Through the Liturgy: The Rites of Pastoral Care." Christ's Gift's for Healing the Soul. (Fort
Wayne: CTS , 2000.),45.
8
Chemnitz, Martin. Ministry, Word, and Sacraments: An Enchiridion. Vol. 5. (St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House,
2007.), 147.
9
It would be interesting to carefully dissect his definition and see exactly how it does this, but that is beyond the
scope of this paper.
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established and begun publicly with witnesses who can testify to it.”10 Thus the rite of Holy
Matrimony is to be a service done publicly before witnesses. The Agenda gives the option of
using the rite of Holy Matrimony either at the beginning of the Divine Service or at an
independent service – both being public services.11

The rite notes that there is a “usual order” for the wedding procession – the cross leads,
followed by the wedding attendants, bridegroom, bride, and then the pastor(s).12 Even this simple
matter of the procession puts the entire right in the proper prospective and sets the tone for the
rest of the rite. Christ and His cross are at the front and center of the entire procession, as they
should be of the entire rite and the couple’s own marriage.

Next, the name of the triune God is invoked for it is He, through the pastor, who is
blessing and uniting the couple. This is no minor point for as Luther says, “The joining together
is easily seen, but men refuse to see that it is to be God who does the joining.”13 Men refuse to
see this and so the rite brings this point out in various ways, including the invocation of the name
of God so that there is no mistake as to who is doing the joining and blessing. This is no mere
human invention that one can enter into and dissolve at will – these two are being joined together
by God, and no man is to put them asunder. This point also has wider pastor care applications as
a pastor seeks to impress upon the couple and the congregation (before, during, after the
wedding) that: “If God himself does not give the wife or the husband, anything can
happen….Those who want to enter into the estate of marriage should learn from this that they
should earnestly pray to God for a spouse.”14 It is God who gives the husband to the wife and
the wife to the husband as a gift!15 This perspective can radically change the way the husband
and wife view each other as they seek to love, honor, and cherish one another in the midst of sin
filled lives. This is yet another way in which marriage pictures Christ and His Church. The very
act of a couple desiring a Christian service at their wedding is in itself a public declaration that
their marriage is not a result of their own efforts or works.16

The pastor’s exhortation to the congregation concerning the reason they are all gathered
there immediately follows the invocation.17 This exhortation beautifully sets forth the honor,

10
LW 46:268.
11
LSBA 64.
12
LSBA 64.
13
LW 46:276. See also Bruzek, Scott. "Marriage as Holy Ground." In A Reader in Pastoral Theology, 130-35.(Fort
Wayne: CTS Press, 2002.), especially page 131.
14
LW 44:8
15
Gen. 2:18ff; Prov. 18:22; Cf. SC 2:1-2; LC 2:17ff. For an excellent and in depth look at marriage as gift see all of
Oswald Bayer’s essays on marriage in Freedom in Response. Translated by Jeffrey F. Cayzer. New York: Oxford
University Press, 2007.
16
Bayer, “Freedom and Law in Marriage” in Freedom in Response, 185.
17
LSBA 65.
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holiness, beauty, design and purpose(s) of the estate of marriage.18 The language echoes
Chemnitz’s definition of marriage, and sets forth clearly why this rite is taking place.
Throughout this exhortation the focus is on what God has instituted, established, intended, and
provided through marriage. Again, the focus is on marriage as God’s gifting, even though the
word “gift” is nowhere to be found. This exhortation is important for it brings the focus on not
the fact that the couple is confessing before God and His Church their complete and utter
dependency upon Him in regards to their lives together as husband and wife.19 This exhortation
is also important as it may be the only time many who are there ever here the Biblical view of the
estate of marriage and what it is intended to be.20

Also, Luther often noted that marriage was a dangerous endeavor.21 It is important that
the couple and everyone there is certain that the marriage that is taking place with God’s blessing
and commandment. As Luther said, “Indeed, so much grace is required for marriage to be
successful against the devil, the flesh, and the world even when it is begun amiably with God’s
blessing and commandment, obediently and with pleasure, that one would not dare to begin it
contrary to God’s law and with animosity and ill will, thus painting the devil over the door when
he comes by himself.”22 This opening exhortation helps set the context and the framework for
understanding that what is taking place in the rite of Holy Matrimony there in that place is
according to God’s blessing and commandment.

After the pastor’s exhortation come the readings from Holy Scripture. The readings from
Holy Scripture are important for several reasons.23 First, it is the Word that makes the estate of
marriage. Luther said, “A Christian must be able to distinguish clearly between marriage and
cohabitation. How? By God’s Word! God has linked His Word to the estate of Marriage….This
is why the most important thing about the estate of marriage is that the brilliance of the Word of
God can be seen in it.”24 Second and closely related to the first point, God through His Word is
blessing this couple and their marriage. Third, the Word is the foundation for living lives of in
marriage and gives faith something to cling to throughout every stage of marriage. As Bayer
says:

18
The language of “estate” will be used throughout this paper since the rite uses that language, though Oswald
Bayer is probably right that “calling” should be used in our day instead. See “Luther’s View on Marriage”, 178.
19
Bayer, “Freedom and Law in Marriage” in Freedom in Response, 185.
20
Pless, John. Pastoral Theology 1: Class Lecture on Marriage. Fort Wayne, IN, October 22, 2009.
21
This is perhaps one weakness of an otherwise fine exhortation. The Lutheran Agenda Marriage rite, page 36,
includes the phrase “a cross has been laid upon this estate”. This was pointed out in the Pastoral Theology 1 class
lecture on October 22, 2009. Cf. Nestingen, James. "Luther on Marriage, Vocation, and the Cross." Word and
World 23, no. 1 (2003): 31-39.
22
LW 46:305. Cf. Bayer, Oswald. Martin Luther's Theology: A Contemporary Interpretation. Translated by Thomas
H. Trapp. (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdman's Publishing Company, 2008.), 145-146.
23
Certainly more could be included.
24
WA 34/1, 54. Quoted in Bayer, Freedom in Response, 172.
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We need to recognize and confess the Word and Will of God in every stage of the
relationship, from the initial affection, through to the desire to be committed and
the expression of that commitment in the marriage vows: ‘God has led us
together, put us together and pronounced us together. We cannot see our marriage
simply as brought about by our own decision or just as a contract that can be
dissolved by mutual consent’.25

Finally, this section again makes it clear that the couple is completely and utterly dependent upon
God for their marriage. This again reflects the fact that the service is a confession of the couple:
a confession that their marriage is a gift from God, and a confession that they are entirely
inadequate to enter into marriage on their own strength.26

The Agenda gives the pastor some options as to which readings could be read during the
27
rite. If what has been said so far regarding Holy Matrimony and the rite itself is accurate, then
it would seem unwise for a pastor to omit the Genesis 2:7, 18-24 reading or the Ephesians 5:1-2,
22-33 reading.28 The first clearly sets forth God’s design, will, and purpose for the estate of
marriage, and the second clearly sets forth the Christological aspects of marriage. While the
Genesis 1:26-28 (the alternate for the Gen. 2 passage) reading is an important Scriptural text
regarding the creation of man, the pastor needs to make sure that the readings chosen adequately
address the various issues discussed so far. Part of pastoral care is making sure the important
issues are addressed and that the entire rite serves to comfort, encourage, and bless the couple
and this best happens by utilizing the best texts for the situation. Certainly other texts could be
added to these main texts, but a pastor must be careful not to omit any of the foundational texts
for marriage.

After the readings a sermon could be preached (unless the marriage is taking place in the
Divine Service) and a hymn could also be sung. It is imperative that both the sermon and the
hymn fit within this larger context that has been formed by the rite. The sermon gives the pastor
the opportunity to clearly apply and proclaim the Law and Gospel to the issues of marriage and
family. The hymn as well should be chosen so that it supports and proclaims the same truths
being proclaimed by the Scripture readings and the sermon.29 This should be self evident, but
often times marriage ceremonies become a time when pastors pontificate on vague ideas of love
and happiness, or merely set Christ up as a moral example for the couples to follow in their
marriage. The couple needs to hear the Law and Gospel proclaimed just as clearly on their
wedding day as they would at any other service.

25
Bayer, “Luther’s View of Marriage” in Freedom in Response, 173. Cf. LW 45:39-40.
26
Bayer, “Freedom and Law in Marriage, in Freedom in Response, 187.
27
LSBA 65-67. Pages 80 and 81 give additional options.
28
Either of the Gospel texts – Matt. 19 or Mark 10 – would function well.
29
LSBA 82 has a list of suggested hymns.
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The next part of the rite is the declaration of intent and then the vows. It is important that
the answers to the declaration of intent be seen in the larger context of the rite and not isolated
and viewed as merely some kind of insincere promise which the person certainly knows they
could never keep no matter how good their intentions.30 No, the answers to the declarations of
intent and the vows are a response, in faith, to God’s Word. The couple can only and truly say “I
will” to the questions as they stand in the Agenda, if they first understand and realize that they
are responding in faith to what God has commanded, established, and designed.31 Neither can
they pledge their faithfulness “to have and hold from this day forward….” unless they believe all
that has been said concerning God and their marriage up until this point. If they believe what has
been said, then they will see this point as not entering into some kind of bondage – “ball and
chain”- but entering into an estate (a gift from God) that gives them “room to be free.”32 These
vows are to be lived out in as those baptized and redeemed by Christ. Christ is not only their
example for how to live in marriage33, but even more than that the one who sustains and keeps
them faithful in their marriage. The couple will live out their marriage as those forgiven in
baptism and still receiving forgiveness through the Lord’s Supper, Absolution, and preaching. It
is in light of this forgiveness that the husband and wife daily live in the estate of marriage.34

The rite continues with the exchange of rings, and several prayers and blessings. Again,
the focus is on what the triune God is doing for them as they unite in holy matrimony. There is a
prayer for protection and strength for the new couple against the trials and temptations that will
surely come their way from the world, Satan, and even their own flesh. The final prayer before
the Lord’s Prayer is a prayer for all husbands and wives, homes, and children. The service ends
with the Lord’s Prayer and the benediction. Again, this final section puts the entire focus upon
what God in His goodness and grace has provided. The focus and attention is not on what the
couple is doing, but on what God has done and is doing for them.

From beginning to end the rite of Holy Matrimony brings comfort and hope to the couple
getting married as they see that in all things it is the triune God who has established the estate of
marriage, it is God who has brought them together – gifting them to one another, it is God who
gives the sure foundation of His Word on which to build their marriage, and it is this same God
who will bless, keep, and sustain them in their marriage. And through this entire rite God is
praised and glorified. This is radically opposed to the way the current culture presents love,

30
Bayer, “Luther’s View on Marriage” in Freedom and Response, 173 says, “Thus we see without the Word, the
state of being married is not the estate of marriage.”
31
For a more in depth discussion along similar lines see Meileander, Gilbert. "The Venture of Marriage." In A
Reader In Pastoral Theology, 124-129. Fort Wayne: CTS Press, 2002.
32
Bayer, “Freedom and Law in Marriage” in Freedom in Response, 185.
33
Eph. 5
34
Cf. Bruzek, Scott. "Marriage as Holy Ground." In A Reader in Pastoral Theology, 130-35. Fort Wayne: CTS Press,
2002.
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marriage, and married life. This rite serves a powerful instrument for pastoral care and the
implications of abandoning such a rite must be soberly considered by any pastor.

The Rite of Holy Matrimony as Catechesis35

The rite of Holy Matrimony gives the pastor an excellent template for catechizing the
flock on the subject of marriage. This rite easily could be used with the youth of the church, adult
Sunday school classes, premarital catechesis, and even when dealing with those in the midst of
small or great marriage difficulties. Using the rite in this way will help everyone in the church as
it will: 1) Help restore a clearer understanding of the estate of marriage that God has designed
and established. 2) Help develop a better understanding as to why the rite is structured the way it
is and how it benefits not only the couple, but those in attendance at a wedding. 3) Give a
wonderful framework for discussing issues of chastity, marriage, family, etc.

There are multitudes of ways in which this could be done and the pastor should be sure
that he utilizes this excellent resource that can so easily be taught, and that is also, generally, so
familiar to just about everyone in the congregation.

Concluding Thoughts

The Lutheran pastor in America is placed within a context in which the estate of marriage
is being drowned in the vast sewage of the American culture. The rite of Holy Matrimony gives
the pastor a powerful instrument for instructing the couple, the congregation, and all witnesses of
the marriage that indeed glorifies God and comforts the sinner. The wise pastor will seek to use
this rite to boldly proclaim God’s design and purpose for marriage, encouraging husbands and
wives to see one another as gifts of God to each other, reminding them of their baptisms and that
they live in marriage before God as forgiven sinners, pointing them at all times to Christ as the
Rock of their faith and their marriage.

35
This section will briefly look at a topic that should really be developed much more fully. Many of the insights in
this section, including its heading, are taken from John Pless’ "Pastoral Theology 1: Class Lecture on Marriage." Fort
Wayne, IN, October 22, 2009.
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