Women and Family Building in Islam by Abdulraheem Nimah Modupe being a paper delivered to Islamic Welfare Foundation (IWF)

on Sunday 5th of June 2011. All praise be to Allah, the Lord of the universe, the most Beneficent and the most merciful. The Lord who created us from a single soul and from that soul He created his wife and from them both He created many men and women Who is a Muslim Woman? A Muslim woman is an adult woman who submits herself to the Will of Allah and accepting Islam as a way of life. The Family In Islam, the family is a divinely inspired institution with marriage or blood ties as its essence. Although in the contemporary society many may consider an unmarried couple, a single mother, and even an homosexual couples as a family, however Islam maintained a different position which represents a strong opposition to that concept. Islam attached so much importance to the family because it regards a family unit as the bedrock of a sustainable society. It is the most important institution within the family because it is on it that all other structures of the society rest. The family is also known as the cradle of any human civilization. It is the centre for nurturing children who will in turn be the leaders of the next generation. It is therefore a place where human beings are prepared for the task of the future generation and achieve a healthy, peaceful and sustainable society. It is the first nursery, primary, secondary and even the University that produce a nation and civilization. Although the task of training children who will later build the society rests on the conventional schools, the schools will however fail if the family fails to carry out their responsibilities. A happy family is the best gift a woman can give to her children and even the husband since they are more or less treated like babies. Therefore any woman who cares about raising a family in accordance with Islamic tenets should consider building a good and sound family a primary responsibility.
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It should be noted that in Islam the concept of family is not limited to the nuclear family as understood in the contemporary world; rather, Muslim family in Islam includes the extended families which may extend to 2 or 3 generations. The family unit entails mutual expectation that are prescribed by religion, reinforced by law and internalized by individual. Therefore for the wheel of the family unit to move smoothly, religion prescribes rules and regulations to be followed by the family members. Generally, marital relationship is the pillar upon which all other structures of the society revolve, if the unit is smoothly run all other structure will be smooth and peaceful, otherwise, other structure will malfunction, since something cannot be built on nothing and expected to stand. Marriage and parenthood are considered as part of basic objectives of Islamic legal system, base on this marriage and formation of family are considered closer to the essence of religion, which is Ibadah by the Muslim Jurists. It is so important that the prophet ordered the young Muslims to marry if they are able to do so, and by so doing, a Muslim has perfected half of his religion. Choosing a good wife. The most important thing to be given first consideration in formation and building a good Islamic family is to search and marry a good wife. The Prophet (SAW) said: A woman is married four things: her wealth, her beauty, her family background and her religion. Always choose a woman for her religion. The Prophet advised the Muslims not to marry a woman for the sake of her beauty, because beauty may fade as a woman grows, more importantly, it is said that beauty often results to moral decline. Equally, wealth may not be considered as the main reason of marrying a woman because the Prophet said wealth often lead a woman to disobedience to Allah. It is therefore advisable for a man to look for a religious woman to
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marry in order to ensure a proper Islamic family building which will result to sound and proper upbringing for the future generation. In another tradition, the Prophet was reported to have said: The world is a provision and the best object is the pious woman (Muslim) In another version Abdullahi ibn Abbas reported the Prophet thus: Shall I not inform you about the best treasure a man can have? It is a pious wife who pleases him whenever he looks towards her and guards herself when he is absent from her. The Prophet is also quoted to have said: This World is all temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this life is a right- acting Wife (Muslim). The birth of a child or children in a family is the fruit of any blessed marriage, because children are regarded as the physical love between a man and a woman. It is a fact that when children are born into the family, the family structure takes a new shape. It is however not just enough to bear children in the family but to raise them in accordance with the commandments of Allah. This is not only vital but necessary for the development of the physical, intellectual, moral and spiritual life of the children and the larger society. Children are test from Allah Every parent must realise the fact that the gift of children to any family is nothing but a test from Almighty Allah which must be accountable for on the day of Judgement. The Quran testifies to this assertion thus: And know that your properties and children are but a trial and Allah has with Him a great reward (Q8:28) This ayah goes to tell us especially the mothers that children and family are part of the trials of life. This is done to distinguish between the believers and the unbelievers. The test is not only set to determine those that will be grateful to Allah and those that will not be grateful but also set to determine how parent will bring up their children. It is a known fact that in this time many women have failed in this test and many have tried to
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avoid this test as much as possible. This they achieved by keeping their children all day in the day care, some leave them in the care of maids all day to cater for their physical and emotional development. They instead give preference to other aspects of human endeavour such as money, status and seeking for position in the society. The result of this is that the children are neglected and denied adequate time and attention by their mothers. This in turn has negative impact on the larger society, because when mothers neglect this important role, they will not only miss the golden spiritual reward which requires little efforts compare to their preference but the children also become the societal menace, but when mothers performs this role in accordance with Allahs injunctions, they will still down to watch their children grown up as obedient servant of Allah who will later contribute his or her own quota to the society.

Gender roles in Islam Gender roles otherwise refer to division of labour exist in Islam. Islam generally places a womans in the private sphere of the home and the man in the public sphere. The man is the head of the family, by this position, he assumes the responsibility of exclusive maintenance of the family irrespective of whether his wife is working or not. In Islam, the primary responsibility of a woman is to fulfil her role as a wife and mother, while that of the man is to work and support the family. Though a woman is regarded as the most important member of the family, it must be reemphasized that she does not by virtue of that assume the position of headship of the family. In this case importance has no relevance with headship. The Quran confirms this statement in the following words: Men are the protectors and maintainers of the women because Allah made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend from their means. Therefore righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husbands absence what Allah orders them to guard. (Q4:34) The Prophet supported this statement in the following language:
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It is not lawful for a woman to observe (voluntary) fast without the permission of her husband when he is at home, and she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission. (Bukhari and Muslim). The above role differentiation is necessary for effective function of the family unit. If this balance is disrupted the society will bear the consequences. In Islam, children have the right to be conceived and reared in a stable, secured and healthy environment. It is the duty of the women to provide this enabling environment and woman can only perform this role through marriage. Islam reliefs women of the burden of earning for the family, this is done to enable women devout their time, energy and intellect for the raising of a sound, healthy intelligent and committed Muslim children in a loving and conducive home environment. This should not be construed to mean that women cannot engage in other professional jobs suitable for them or engage in other business activities outside their home to assist the family when the need arises. Several women who engage in various businesses were mentioned in the Quran. For example, khadijah, the wife of the Prophet and the first Muslim woman on earth, same is mentioned of umm- Salamah. Although women may need to work at times, this must not be done at the expense of their commitment to the family, which is the primary role of a woman in life. In fact a lot of career women have now realised that spending quality times with children at home is far better than earning money and status outside their home. After all staying at home to raise children is a noble profession, and women should not be over burdened with challenges of life. The Quran provides in the following words: Allah does not impose on any self any more than it can stand (Q2:286) It is noted that in the contemporary Nigeria, poor economy forces a lot of women to work outside their homes and a time, many mothers leave their children in the day care centre through out the day to settle for a work with low pay which may not necessarily give her enough return. The major
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reason for this is to get away with the stigma of being referred to as a mother or house wife. This situation could be frustrating and humiliating for a woman who is a mother and a house wife. It is narrated by Ummu Salamah who said: I asked the messenger of Allah would I have reward for what I spend on Aby Salamahs son? For I cannot let them go every where (to beg people) the messenger of Allah replied, spend on them and you will have the reward for what you spend on them ( Bukhari and Muslim) However emphasis must also be re - echoed that the most important role a Muslim woman can perform during her life time is that of a mother, because of this, Muslim women are always contended to stay at home and raise family. After all, they are been taken care of financially and they need not go out to proof their worth by doing additional work outside their home if the circumstances permit. This is not only a benefit but also deters and prevents many social ills from taking place and spreading in the society. The Prophet was reported as follows: I have not left fitnah more harmful than women (Bukhari and Muslim). Where mothers are absent all day from home and children take care of themselves in their own way, the family will collapse and the society will later bear the brunt of the unsupervised and delinquent children. The problem becomes serious when these children grow and mix with other children of similar background. They indulge in alarming things like cultism, alcoholism and other societal vices, thinking that they are exposed. Delinquency among children in the contemporary Nigeria can therefore be blamed on lack of parental care, supervision, adequate attention, intervention and control. Parents especially mothers are mistaken if they think that their children are going to learn correct moral, spiritual or ethical values of Islam from any where other than their home. The Prophet was reported as follows:
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Each of you is a shepherded and each of you is responsible for his flock....a woman is shepherd in the house of her husband and she is responsible for her flock (Bukhari) From the above hadith, it is clear that the major role of a woman in building a healthy and sound Islamic family is the proper upbringing of the children and Allah will hold them accountable for this responsibility in the hereafter. This means that the up bringing of our children could be a door step to our paradise or to the hell fire. Therefore, child up bringing is not only a responsibility but a critical duty in this world, because a woman might be raising the next generation that will either succeed or fail in reestablishing Islam in the world. Families are therefore block of the society and the society can only be as strong as its foundation. Women must therefore strive to be strong, faithful and honest, and to always be at alert to their roles and responsibility for the family to be strong. Women must also be reminded that for them to assume their role as architect of an Islamic family, it is incumbent on them to train and educate their children to be obedience and respect their parents, especially, the mother, this in line with the Quranic injunction and the hadith of the Prophet. It was also reported that: A man asked the messenger of Allah (SAW) who among his ones has the greatest right over him. The Prophet replied, mother. He again asked, then who is next?, the Prophet replied mother. He asked again, then who is next? The Prophet replied father. (Bukhari and Muslim) near your your your

Furthermore, in building a sound Islamic family, women must take as a special role the education of their children. They must ensure a proper and balanced Islamic cum Western education for their children. This goes to show that women themselves must first be educated in order to perform this role efficiently and effectively, because of the saying that you cannot give what you do not have. This is a very important role in the life of a Muslim woman, as there can be no family building without women education, and hence, no positive development can take place in the family and in the larger society. It is normally stated that when you
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educate a man, you educate a person but when you educate a woman you educate the nation. The reason for this is not far fetched; a woman is the first teacher and the first instructor that the children, who are the future leader of the society, pass through. It is as a result of this that so much pressure is put on women to educate and care for the children well, because if the family is strong and upright, the children will be upright, responsible and righteous citizen of tomorrow. Therefore there is the need for women to be properly educated and educate their children well as a role performance. As Muslim women, it is important to understand the significance of preparing children for the hereafter and for protecting them from hell fire. The Quran gave a serious warning to the parents as regards this role. It provides as follows: O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people and stones... For a Muslim woman to be regarded as the architect of a good Islamic family she is expected to worship and remember her Lord at all time, she should be a source of joy for the family and refuge for the children. She must be a source of happiness not only for her immediate family but also to the extended family as conceptualized by Islam. She should be a reservoir of happiness for the husband and the children. Women must therefore realise that it is beneficial and rewarding for them to stay at home and raise their children, because, the role of women as mothers and wives are sacred and most essential, as neither maids nor baby - sitters can take the position of the mother as an educator of upright children. It is upon this role that the future of any meaningful Islamic society rests. In the West, women have been encouraged to replace this role with the concept of Gender Equality; they have been encouraged to participate equally with men in all aspect of life without putting into consideration their physical and psychological differences. The result of this is that motherhood role is viewed as less valuable than careers outside the home. Muslim women are therefore strongly advised
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to always expect a divine, endless and limitless reward from Allah which is greater and far better than what their counterparts receive in this world. Finally, permit me to conclude by asking the question: why is it that work done by Muslim women outside their homes are regarded as valuable and contributory to the development of the society than the ones done within their home, after all the latter is worldly recommended and the former is divinely commanded? Are we saying that it is better to serve strangers outside our homes than to build a reputable Islamic family, which is the performance of our divine role and the essence of which we are created? Have we forgotten that a woman who stays at home to raise children is on professional duty for 24 hours without break or leave? Certainly, no man can compensate such woman financially without running bankrupt. As women, the architect of strong and sound Islamic families and society, the ball is in our court, divine or worldly reward? Thank you all for listening.

References:
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Dr Aisha Hamdan: Nurturing Eeman in Children, International Islamic Publishing House Riyadh (2009) Dr Muhammad Ali-al-Hashmi: Publishing House Riyadh (2005) Muhammad Salih al- Munajid :The Muslim Home 40 recommendations in the light of the Quran and Sunnah, International Islamic Publishing House Riyadh (2005) Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari: Marriage and Family Building in Islam, Ta-Ha Publishers Ltd, London, (2009) Hammudah Abd-Ati: The family Structure in Islam, The other Press, Kuala Lumpur(2008) Al Imam Abu Zakareya Yahya: Riyad-us-saliheen, garden of the virtuos people. Abdusalam Rukayyah Hill: Womens Ideal Liberation- Islamic versus Western understanding, Abul-Qasim Publishing House(1998) Roles 1/6/2011 Mohammed Fathi Osman(Ph.D) Muslim Women the Family and the Society: Omar ibn Al Khattab Foundation. Women on 1/6/2011 The Muslim Family: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles. Assessed on 1/6/2011 Roles of Muslim Women in Nation Building: in Islam (part Two): Assessed of Women: http://www. Assessed on The Ideal Muslimah, International Islamic

Pbs/wgbh/globalconnection/Mideast/questions/women.

http://www.brunet.bn/gov/mufti/alhadaf/mac00h_women2.htm.

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-and scripture. Assessed on 1/6/2011

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Gender Roles in Islam: http://en.wikipedia.org. Assessed on 1/6/2011

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