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HOW NOT TO BE AN ASSHAT IN THE words, if your issue is a close call, you will

COURTROOM have lost on the merits and not because the


judge panned your courtroom performance.

Effective courtroom appearances, Courtroom Audience/Participants


defined as getting what you want from the
judge, require more than walking into court When talking about courtroom
and regurgitating that which was already methods, style, tips and tricks, you should
said in your papers. Appearing and arguing first become familiar with courtroom
in court is similar to putting on a participants. Most articles discussing court
performance at the theatre. You are the appearances focus on how to interact with
actor and the judge, clerk, and opposing the judge and neglect to go over other
counsel are the audience. Of course since the details. However, understanding courtroom
Judge will be ruling on your matter, he or logistics and the roles of others in the court
she is also the theatre critic whom you must is critical to putting on a good performance
sufficiently impress for him or her to rule in in the courtroom.
your favor [and in keeping with my theatre
analogy, to garner a positive review.] So, let’s first talk about exactly who
will be in the audience when you appear on
In my years of appearing in court, I stage. To keep things in context, I will
have seen the full range of courtroom provide tips and tricks in this section when
behavior by lawyers on both sides of the bar, discussing the individual courtroom
plaintiff and defendant. I have observed participants.
Oscar-winning performances that have
resulted in the seemingly impossible act of The Judge – The judge will be
changing of the court’s mind on a ruling. discussed later in this paper.
From the other end of the spectrum I have
witnessed B-grade performances, where Judge’s Clerk – Other than the
lawyers succeeded in losing a motion won judge, this is the most important person in
on the tentative ruling from the day before. the courtroom. The judge’s clerk performs
many functions before, during, and after a
In my opinion, when an issue before court session. To name a few, the clerk
the court is a close call or one where the fields phone calls, controls access to the
court has full discretion to rule as it sees fit, judge, accepts and files documents, and
how the attorney performs on the courtroom maintains the court’s calendar.
stage may tip the judge either way when
making a final decision. When talking to the clerk on the
phone, by e-mail, or in person, always be
This paper will tell you some of what courteous, respectful, and cordial. Once
you need to know to make an effective and obtained, make a note in the file on the
professional courtroom appearance. If you clerk’s first and last name. In future calls,
practice what is preached in here, I can’t it’s acceptable to address the clerk by his or
guarantee that you will convince the judge her first name, for example: “Hello Irene,
to always rule in your favor. But if you lose this is attorney Mortimer on the City of San
it will NOT be because you were perceived Francisco case. I was wondering if the
by the court to be a total asshat. In other

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

1
Judge might have time next week to hear an - Smile and be friendly with the
ex parte application we intend to file.” reporter. While it may not seem
being nice to the reporter will ever
If you want the clerk to exact matter [because normally you never
revenge in the various ways he or she can, say anything to a reporter while
then talk down to the clerk, be snide, abrupt, appearing in court], a pissed off
or condescending. Treat the judge’s clerk reporter who thinks you are a creep
like dirt and that clerk can make life real can hurt your case. How so?
difficult for you. Anger the clerk and he or
she might not let you have access to the One example, what if it’s critical to
judge. Be rude and the clerk might not let immediately obtain a copy of the transcript
you slide on an otherwise late filing. Be a of the proceeding that occurred that day? If
jerk and the clerk might tell you that your the reporter remembers that you were
requested hearing date is not available professional and respectful to everyone
although it might be. while appearing in court, he or she may be
able to get that transcript to you a bit faster
Court Reporter – This is the person than if the reporter recalls you acted like an
who is taking everything down that is said ass.
by the judge and counsel. There is no
interaction between you and the reporter in Law Clerks – I mention these
open court, albeit he or she might ask you people simply because they might appear in
for the spelling on a name or admonish you court. I don’t want you wondering, “Who
to slow down when talking. the hell are these people?”

Some tips on keeping the reporter In federal court, often times the
happy: judge’s clerks sit in the jury box and observe
the proceedings of that day. While they do
- Don’t talk over each other, not interact with the court participants, they
meaning don’t talk at the same time are important for one reason: most likely
that the judge or opposing counsel is they have provided the legal research and
talking. Most reporters have a hard tentative decision on your motion or
time recording court proceedings proceeding. Judges can choose to accept the
when counsel or the judge are talking law clerk’s decisions as their own, require
at the same time. further research, ask addition questions of
them, etc.
- Don’t talk too fast. While court
reporters are usually the best of all While you should NEVER look at
reporters, they don’t like it when the clerks and address them in open court, it
people talk so fast it is hard for them does not hurt, in my opinion, to look their
to keep up. You can show everyone way and flash a quick, respectful smile. Let
your inexperience, your uncaring them know that you recognize their
attitude, or break the flow of your importance and respect their position.
brilliant argument if the judge has to
admonish you midstream to slow
down for the reporter.

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

2
Bailiff – Usually a peace officer A bad performance may motivate counsel to
[sheriff in state courts, U. S. Marshall in advise the client to press on because in his
federal court.] Piss off the bailiff and he or or her opinion it is only a matter of time
she can make your visit inconvenient. They before you really screw up the case.
can grimace at you, not grant you courtesies,
or order you about the courtroom, telling The Judge
you to not sit there, move over here, etc.
A discussion about how to interact
Colleagues, Peers – Do you have with the judge [or “the court”] would not be
trouble speaking in front of people, an complete without first knowing how judges
audience or group? In Speech 101 at the work, in other words, how they go about
university did you get nervous speaking in their daily business.
front of the class? Well the environment is
even worse in the courtroom because most In most towns, counties, States and
of the time when you argue in court sitting federal courts, judges are extremely
in the gallery will be fellow attorneys overworked. Their dockets are filled with
waiting for their matters to be called. insignificant cases, important high-stakes
cases, criminal cases, and hundreds of other
While waiting their turn, those daily tasks. An example of how
lawyers are watching your performance. overworked: in 2005, I had one federal
And I guarantee you will be thinking about judge tell us that he was limiting the number
them while at counsel table. One of the of days he was giving the parties to try the
most difficult events you might have to face case because “we have over 500 cases on the
is being shamed by the judge and then docket.”
turning around to leave the court. All eyes
in the gallery will be upon you and you Judges have at least one law clerk to
know it. assist in research, writing decisions, and
even making decisions for the judge to
In cities where it’s always the same adopt. Bigger courts, such as busy federal
attorneys appearing in same courts, your districts, provide each judge a minimum of
performance will be remembered by three clerks, and some up to five.
everyone in court that day. It’s best that Regardless of this help, judges are still
your peers remember that you had your act extremely busy with court and other
together and performed in a brilliant and functions.
professional manner.
The reason I mention all this is
Opposing Counsel – Yes, even because you must realize:
opposing counsel will be sizing up your
courtroom performance. For example, if (1) Yours is not the only case the
counsel detects you don’t appear to know court is dealing with, so don’t expect the
your way around the courtroom, he or she court to “get into” your case, for the judge to
will conclude you are inexperienced. Your understand all its nuances and subtleties, nor
newbie performance may affect what to give your case special attention. Unless
opposing counsel will recommend to a your case is in the headlines, assume your
client. A good performance may motivate matter is “one more hassle the court has to
counsel to suggest the client settle the case. deal with.”

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

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(2) In all likelihood the judge does no exceptions although you may also use
not have the time to read a significant “the Court” in certain circumstances.
portion of your pleadings. Judges usually Examples: “Your Honor [if in writing, the
have their law clerks do that. Some judges title is in caps] I would like to request. . . ,”
admit that to cut to the chase they skim the “Yes, that is how I recall the event, Your
papers the day of the hearing. Honor.” “Your Honor, may I approach the
bench. . . ?” “If the Court could provide me
(3) Because the courts are busy and additional time to research. . . ,” “I was
overworked, it pays off to make all your hoping the Court might extend the deadline
pleadings brief and to the point. This will to respond. . . ”
help the judge in his or her work and also
may be the factor that causes a ruling in Generally, each time you address the
your favor. If you get right to the point in court with a request or when answering
your papers, tell the court exactly what you questions you start or end with a “Your
want and provide the authority for a decision Honor” in the sentence. For example, when
in your favor, it’s all the more likely you answering a question: “My recall of that
will win [assuming there’s merit to your case, Your Honor, was that the plaintiff
position.] waived the attorney/client privilege.” Or,
“That would be the same as I remember,
Impressing The Judge Your Honor,” or as happened in one of my
trials: “Your Honor, I need to take a
Logistically there’s really not all that restroom break. My apologies to the Court,
much to properly appearing in front of the Your Honor.” [Yes, I had two “Your
judge. Most of it is common sense. When Honors and one “The Court” in what was
you make an error [and you will, it’s only a really a statement that I am running to the
matter of time] you will most likely err by restroom and not requesting a break.]
not adhering to courtroom etiquette or
protocol. So let’s talk about how NOT to Another example: a trial in federal
win the court’s asshat lawyer of the day court was very formal [the Judge taught trial
award. advocacy at Boalt Hall, Berkeley.] Every
time I needed to approach the witness on the
(1) Addressing the Court: The stand I had to ask “May I approach, Your
easiest way to piss off a judge is to call him Honor?” Even after saying that phrase fifty
or her names. Of course you would never times in two days [and even knowing the
do that, right? Well, every time you address Judge’s answer would be “yes”], the Judge
the Court by calling him or her “judge” you never told me to dispense with the formality.
are calling the judge names and
disrespecting the court. This is because in (2) Know When to Shut Up.
the courtroom you NEVER address the court
as “judge.” While you might see some Lawyers often do not know when to
idiots and old timers refer to the Court as shut up when talking with the judge.
“judge” that does not make their conduct Generally:
proper.
-- If you are simply repeating
Whenever addressing the Court the yourself, SHUT UP.
proper term is “YOUR HONOR.” There are

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

4
-- If you have the judge on your side I usually place materials in the sorter
and ruling in your favor, SHUT UP. is as follows [assume it’s a motion I
brought]: (1) My papers are in chronological
-- If the judge says “I have ruled,” or order, each document under a separate letter:
“That’s all counselors,” SHUT UP. Notice of motion, Motion, Points &
Authorities, Declarations; Exhibits; (2) The
-- If the judge cuts you off mid opposition’s papers: Points & Authorities;
sentence and asks a different question or Declarations; Exhibits; (3) My Reply [to
moves on to something else, SHUT UP and opposition] papers; (4) All legal research:
move on to talking about what the judge copies of cases, statutes, separated in the
wants to talk about. sorter by those categories; (5) All cases and
other authority cited by opposing counsel;
-- If the judge criticizes your (6) Evidentiary objections to the opposing
argument or says “I looked at that, there was party’s “evidence;” (7) Evidentiary
no merit to the argument. Move on to your objections file by the opposition; and (8) A
next point.” SHUT UP and move on to your proposed order should the court require
next point. counsel to have one prepared [many courts
require such].
(3) Be Organized. Nothing will
lead toward impending doom faster than As you can see, there are lots of
being unorganized when appearing before paper related to arguing a motion and
the court. The easiest way to be logistically appearing in court. Therefore, use my
organized is to arrange all papers BEFORE organizational technique to avoid getting
leaving the office. When setting up on confused or overwhelmed in court. Also,
counsel table you then lay out the materials using a sorter forces you to keep things brief
for easy reference during your presentation. on oral argument because your sorter will
contain only the main papers relevant to
Note: In federal court, some judges your presentation to the judge.
require you stand at a podium directly in
front of the bench. In those situations there 4. Body Language. It’s essential
won’t be a table for you to spread out your for you to observe, interpret and react to a
materials. What I have done in those judge’s signals that he or she is sending
circumstances is to spread out my materials while you and opposing counsel are
on counsel table behind me so that I can addressing the Court. One could write a
excuse myself to the Court, walk a few steps book on interpreting “judicial body
back and get the materials I need. language.” Due to space constraints, I can
only give you a few tips on what to look for
At the podium I have access to the and what to do when seeing negative body
main papers and pleadings in an A-Z file language coming your way.
sorter. I write on a Post-It note placed at the
front of the sorter where the papers are -- Does the judge appear angry or
located in the sorter. I then refer to the Post- upset? Hopefully it’s not something
It note "index" when needing something for you did. But you take judges in the
oral argument. mood you find them. If the judge

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

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appears upset for reasons other than plaintiff had not produced sufficient
because of you, you still need to evidence for a TRO.
workaround situation. Be especially
vigilant to not do anything that might I then said “The plaintiff cannot get
upset the judge further. Moreover, a TRO without evidence, Your Honor.” At
be brief and to the point. Basically that point the Judge stopped his swinging
get in and get out as fast as you can. arm midstream and replaced the file back in
front of him. He then questioned the
-- Does the judge appear unprepared plaintiff counsel about what evidence the
and unaware of what you said in plaintiff had produced and had been
your papers? If so, don’t say “I said admitted. At the close of arguments the
that in my papers Your Honor.” judge changed his mind and did not issue the
Don’t embarrass the judge by TRO.
implying the judge did not read your
papers. If you see the judge This illustrates my point. I read the
stumbling, guide him or her through judge’s body language and determined he
your papers. Highlight your main was about to issue the TRO [rule against my
points so the judge can see there is client.] I then shifted gears and repeated my
merit to your position and that ruling best argument to get the Judge's attention,
in your favor is proper. the plaintiff had not submitted sufficient
evidence to support its TRO request.
-- Does the judge appear
disinterested in your argument -- There are signals and body
because he or she has made a language that judges unintentionally
decision? For example, while or deliberately send to counsel while
making what you perceive is a appearing in court. Most of the time
brilliant argument the judge moves signal meanings can be interpreted
your file to what you have seen in with common sense. Use your real
the “matter concluded” stack or the life experience to figure out what the
Judge is distracted and appears to Judge is saying and react / behave
have moved on to something else accordingly.
other than your case. On detecting
such signals this is the time to pull Bonus Tips On Interacting With The
out all the stops to get the judge’s Judge:
attention so he or she will reconsider
a ruling not in your favor. -- Listen to EVERY WORD! A
common lawyer gaffe is failing to listen to
War story: One time I had been what the judge is saying and failing to
arguing my client’s position to the Judge. answer the judge’s questions. Near as I can
The court appeared ready to impose a TRO tell, this is because lawyers go into court
against my business client. While I was with a prepared speech, typically an echo of
talking I saw the judge close the file and what they said in their papers. These
start to hand it to his clerk to be placed in lawyers are unprepared to deviate from their
this Judge's “matter concluded” stack. At prepared scripts, so it throws them off when
that point I shifted my argument saying that the judge asks questions beyond what the
issuing a TRO was improper because the lawyer has rehearsed or memorized.

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

6
While in court ALWAYS listen to That judge will sanction the lawyer, report
what the judge is telling or asking you. Pay his or her conduct to the Bar, and possibly
attention to buzz words that might hint to even imprison the lawyer.
what the judge is thinking. For example:
Consider a federal court Judge's
“Counselor, I am having trouble with comments when sentencing a lawyer who,
that case your cited as authority inter alia, lied to the Judge.1 When
because…..” [This would tell you that the imposing sentence on the lawyer [close to
court does not agree with the case you three years in prison] Judge White's
provided in support of a point, the court may comments included:
not be considering it and you better address
that by, for example, discussing the case or As a lawyer the Defendant should
coming up with other cases to support your be held to a higher standard of
argument]; or conduct. The Defendant should be
punished severely as a lawyer who
“I saw that mentioned in your lied to the court. If you can't
argument but did not see it supported by the believe what the lawyers say, you
declaration the witness submitted.” [This have no basis for finding the truth,
would be code for saying you did not no basis to follow the law, and the
provide admissible EVIDENCE to support a system breaks down.2
point made.]
If you are new to the profession,
“Mr. Mortimer I don’t think that is don’t lie. If you have been telling lies for a
the issue important to my making a decision long time, but have not been caught, STOP.
. . . ” [This comment by the Court tells you Be assured that at some point you will get
that you need to convince the Court caught, whether in your first year of practice
otherwise or shift gears to talking about a or a thirty-year veteran. It will happen, the
different issue.] getting caught part. The choice is yours.

-- NEVER LIE TO A JUDGE! -- Admit Fault or Ignorance. If


Many lawyers lie to the court. They mislead the judge says that something is your fault,
the court on what an appellate case says, accept blame and move on. Don’t argue
submit papers designed to mislead or with the judge nor try to excuse your
confuse the court, or tell lies in open court, behavior. Don’t try to blame others. Accept
to the judge's face. Many lawyers justify responsibility, fall on the sword, and move
their untruthfulness because “everyone does on. Oh, and NEVER blame the secretary,
it” or they are only telling “white lies.” paralegal, messenger, etc. Just like the
captain of a ship, you’re the attorney and
Some lawyers get away with telling have the ultimate responsibility. Judges
lies for a long time. Sometimes it’s because dislike it when attorneys blame staff for the
they realize that few lawyers are held to attorneys' mistakes.
account for telling lies to counsel or the
court.
1
Honorable Jeffrey White, U. S. District Court,
However, tell lies long enough and Northern District of California.
eventually the wrong judge will be lied to. 2
United States v. Ellerman 07-0080 - USDC,
Northern District California
Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

7
If a judge asks a question and you opening binders, shuffling papers, or
don’t know the answer, admit your lack of opening/shutting briefcases.
knowledge and request additional time to
find the answer. A judge will think more of
you for admitting ignorance rather than a Courtroom Layout and Moving Around
feeble attempt to cobble together a dumb ass
response. How do you ask for more time? Simply moving around the
Here’s an example: courtroom can be a daunting task for
lawyers whom have not appeared in court
The Court: Mr. Mortimer, how does much. A discussion of how to handle a
the IBM v. Widget Business Machines case courtroom appearance would not be
square with your point about . . . ? complete without going over the lay of the
land, a review of procedures and discussion
Attorney Mortimer: I apologize of protocol.
Your Honor I am unaware of that case.
However, before the Court ruling on the (1) Church: A courtroom is a
matter I would appreciate the opportunity to solemn place where litigants meet with the
review that case and provide additional judge to resolve a dispute or issue. Despite
briefing and to address the Court’s query. that sometimes courtroom proceedings
degrade to being similar to local pub fist
Or perhaps: fights or feel like a trip to the zoo, most
court proceedings are conducted in a quiet,
The Court: Mr. Mortimer I did not orderly and respectful manner. You should
see that case mentioned in your papers, nor behave in the courtroom the same as you
did you address plaintiff’s point. would at church.

Attorney Mortimer: I apologize for (2) Courtroom layout: Most


my error Your Honor. I would like the courtrooms are square or rectangle shaped
opportunity to look through my papers to be and are laid out as follows:
sure I did not discuss the matter. I thought I
did in the third section. [Fast forward past -- Gallery: When you walk into a
my looking through my papers.] On looking courtroom the first area you approach is the
at my papers I see that I neglected to discuss “gallery.” This is the public section of the
that case. I request additional time to brief courtroom. Unless the courtroom is closed
the issue, that case and to address Your to the public, anyone can sit and observe the
Honor’s concerns. I can submit additional proceedings. When the morning or
briefing to the Court and opposing counsel afternoon law and motion calendar is heard,
by this afternoon or tomorrow morning, or the gallery is where all the suits [lawyers] sit
within the time Your Honor requires. to await their matter to be called and heard
by the judge.
-- Shut Up! When in the courtroom
gallery, keep quiet. If you must talk with Coming and going from the gallery
counsel next to you, whisper in the lowest of is not regulated. This means that even while
tones. Because even whispers can be court is in session [e.g., the judge is talking]
distracting, the better way to communicate is you can enter and exit the gallery all you
with notepad and pen. Don’t make noise by want. The only caveat is to keep your

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

8
comings and goings quiet. Be “walking on their clients sit. One table is for the
your tiptoes” quiet. plaintiff, the other for the
defendant.
Bonus Tip: Courtroom hallways can
be echo chambers or otherwise amplify Bonus Tip: generally plaintiff and
noise. So even if in the hallway keep your counsel sit at the table closest to the
voice down. jury box. So look for where the
jury box is located in the
Whisper when talking to anyone courtroom; that table closest to the
while in the gallery. Since people often jury box is plaintiff counsel’s table.
whisper at offending levels, to where the Since inexperienced lawyers don’t
judge can hear you, the better practice is to know this, many courts label the
communicate with each other on notepads. tables "plaintiff " and "defendant"
If you have something long-winded to say, so counsel know where to sit.
quietly exit the courtroom and talk in the
hall. -- While sitting at the counsel table,
to the right or left of you will be the
When taking your seat or existing, jury box.
don't slam about papers, books, files or brief
cases. Get situated quietly. Don't slam your -- In front of counsel table or to the
seat up and down. right or left will be the judge’s
clerk’s desk. That’s the person you
If the door to the courtroom closes check in with when you first walk
automatically, hold the door while it is into the courtroom for your
closing so to prevent it making noise. In any appearance. See below, but always
event, regardless of how the door closes, check in with the judge’s clerk
don't slam it. when you first walk in the
courtroom door, unless court is in
-- The Bar: Few lawyers know that session. If in session, approach the
the railing, mini-wall, “fence,” or other clerk at a break in the proceedings
barrier that separates or divides the public or if the clerk signals you to
gallery from the court or bench is called “the approach his or her desk so you can
bar.” Becoming a member of the Bar tell the clerk why you are there.
signified an attorney’s right to cross this
physical divider [the bar] and appear before -- Usually directly below the bench
the judge. or slightly to the right or left will be
the court reporter.
-- Court and Bench: After walking
past the bar, one enters the main courtroom -- The bailiff also will have a desk
area where there are designated areas for the to the right or left of counsel table.
judge, clerks, court reporter, counsel, jury
and witnesses. Typically the layout is as -- The Judge: And of course, the
follows: most important person in the courtroom, the
judge, is seated on the bench [a raised
-- In front of the bar are counsel platform directly in front of counsel table.]
tables, where the attorneys and On the back wall behind the bench there is

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

9
usually a door for the judge to enter and exit make sure to have the judge’s clerk’s phone
the courtroom. number written on a Post-It note or piece of
paper. Place that in your wallet, stick it to
Bonus Tip: Sometimes a court will the display of your PDA or cell phone, or
hold session inside the judge’s chambers or even e-mail it to yourself.
“office,” if you will. When this happens the
clerk or bailiff will call your case and you Use this number to call the clerk if
simply follow that person to where the you are going to be late to court for
judge’s chambers are located. whatever reason. No judge will sanction or
chew you out if you call to say you are
Bonus Tip: So to appear you know going to be late. A judge will shame you in
what you are doing, when a judge has front of your colleagues if you fail to show
session in chambers, typically the court respect to the court by failing to call about
reporter IS NOT in chambers recording the your expected tardiness. In your private life
proceeding. In such circumstances, if you you may get away with not calling to say
feel what is being said needs to be put on the you will be late for dates, but the quickest
record, request the judge to have a reporter way to have a judge knight you to moron-
present, or ask that Court to continue the hood is to not extend common sense
hearing in the courtroom. courtesies to the court.

(3) Watch Your Step. Understand (2) Check-In – A lawyer can show
that a courtroom is the judge’s kingdom. his or her rookie status by failing to follow
With the exception of the gallery, moving “check in” procedures that most courts
around the court’s side of the bar is heavily require. What is this?
regulated.
BEFORE court commences most
Bonus Tip: UNLESS YOU HAVE courts require for the lawyers appearing on
BUSINESS ON THE COURT SIDE OF that day’s calendar to check in with the
THE BAR YOU SHOULD NOT BE IN clerk. Checking in simply requires a lawyer
THAT AREA. “Business” may include to: (1) State his or her name; (2) ID the case
checking in with the clerk, asking the clerk name and number; and (3) Say which party
questions, or sitting at counsel table because they represent [plaintiff or defendant.]
your matter is before the court.
Most courts require [or otherwise
There are a number of people who appreciate] that you simply hand the clerk
will watch your step for you if you will not. your business card with the above
The bailiff watches everyone and keeps information hand written on the front of the
order. This may include challenging anyone card, in any open space there might be.
on the court’s side of the bar and shooing Some clerks ask for the card AND also ask
them into the attorney’s matter is not you to orally state your appearance. Even
currently before the Judge. though the requested information is on the
card don’t pick a fight, just repeat to the
Logistical Tips clerk the information being requested.
Don’t say, for example, “Can’t you read, it’s
(1) Clerk’s Phone Number – on the card asshole.”
Before you depart for court, ALWAYS

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

10
Bonus Tip: Experienced lawyers God help you if after being told to
know about the business card / info turn off your phone your phone rings while
requirement and prepare a card while in the court is in session, especially if the clerk
office or on the way to the court. says that it is “the court’s order” that you
Experienced lawyers know that on entering turn off the phone. Can you imagine an
the courtroom the first thing he or she does already pissed off judge [for whatever
is to walk up to the judge’s clerk and to reason] catching you violating a simple
check in. court order to turn off your phone? That’s
the stuff nightmares are made of.
Rookie lawyers sit in the gallery and
are shamed when the clerk asks the newbie CONCLUSION
or inexperienced lawyers “did you check
in?” Newbie lawyers turn even deeper You would be correct in concluding
shades of red upon realizing they don’t that a lot goes into avoiding looking like an
know what the clerk means by “checking asshat, moron, or newbie when appearing
in.” before a judge in his or her domain, the
courtroom. If you are overwhelmed by all
(3) Equipment and Tech – In of this the best thing for you to overcome
modern times, technology has become an your fear is to visit your local courthouse
integral part of a courtroom appearance, law and motion department.
whether arguing a motion or conducting a
trial. Some basic rules need mentioning Learn by observing, especially if you
with respect to cell phones: don't appear in court all that often. You can
learn a lot by watching courtroom
As Mr. T would say, “Pity the fool participants, especially when you are
who leaves his or her cell phone on in playing Timmy Tourist and not on the hot
court.” Most courts have rules on cell seat in your own cases. An especially nifty
phones. Some Judges will fine you $100 if trick is to visit the Judge’s courtroom in
your phone rings while court is in session. front of whom you will be appearing. You
Some judges will confiscate the phone. can learn all kinds of things by simply
watching a morning of law and motion
How best to prevent this: put your proceedings.
phone on “quiet or silent” mode BEFORE
entering the court. Check and triple check Seeing how your judge conducts
that the phone is in quiet mode. Choose court and observing courtroom proceedings
quiet mode because some phones vibrate will prove quite valuable when it’s your turn
quite loudly and can be a distraction. to NOT appear an asshat on your case.

Note: some court clerks, especially


in federal court, tell the lawyers to turn
phones completely off. DO NOT TRY TO
BE SNEAKY AND PUT THE PHONE IN
SILENT MODE. If the clerk says your
phone must be turned off, turn off the phone.

Copyright 1996-2009 Michael Mortimer and The Business Litigation Group. All rights reserved.

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