AIS PRESS U

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UAIS PRESS

Operation get me out of here

B y: J o s e p h S c h ro d e r
Navy SEALS in the course of their training undergo a process known as Hell Week. In this week, the SEALS are deprived of sleep while being pushed to their physical, mental, and emotional limits. IB has an equivalent of Hell Week. It is called Junior Year. Some have said the final weeks of junior year in the IB program are the most difficult. During this time the class takes on the responsibility of CAS, ToK, and Extended Essay along with the regular work load. It all spells breaking point, and for some it has proved so, but there is a silver lining somewhere; if the junior class can survive the next few weeks, they are in the clear. Let this be a warning to the underclassmen and a shout of joy for the juniors. Another year behind us and another one in front, we are almost there. A much needed thank you is in order first of all to all the teachers. Whether through dedication to students and education or sheer insanity these men and women have taken on an immense task. On top of the normal teaching responsibilities are their roles as EE advisors and CAS advisors. In addition, several have even agreed to serve as ToK teachers. The teachers have put in a great deal of time into developing the program, and, believe it or not, theyre human too. They enjoy vacation and family as much as us. So lets show a little gratitude to the staff. After all, how many individuals are willing to be locked in a building for seven plus hours a day with a group of uptight, tired, over achieving adolescents? Not many. A round of applause to the junior EE. Those who do not receive their IB Diploma can still take pride in their honorary I survived IB badge. It is roughly equivalent to the I survived the Running of the Bulls badge. Speaking of the IB diploma the junior class should keep in mind a few things. First, EE and ToK will be ending next year. That should provide for an early sense of freedom from the program. Second, college acceptance will happen before you receive your IB test results. That means youre not testing to get in anywhere. You are testing for credit off courses. And lastly, if by chance you dont receive your IB Diploma you still have your high school diploma which, contrary to popular opinion among the UAIS classes, is not worthless. Plenty of intelligent people have made it into college without the IB Diploma, in fact plenty made it into college before there was an IB program. The juniors have one more year to go, but it looks as if we have made it through the worst of it; we are over the biggest hill. And to the underclassmen: Sit down, buckle up, keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times and you might get out alive.

class as well. We have made it through three years of IB with limited casualties. Our phoenix mascot should be replaced with a guinea pig or white mouse. We are the official test subjects. The poor sophomores and freshmen will never have the joy of reading 100 Years of Solitude or creating their own rubric for semester projects. Thanks to our fantastic perseverance we lived through two years without block scheduling or a 45 minute block after lunch for study, project teams, or practice

Thinning the fo g aro und the c lo ud

B y: Z ac h a ry w y r z y Kow s k i
Youve probably seen the commercials. A person needs to access their computer, so they give the camera an inspired look, then boldly exclaim, To the Cloud! While I later discovered that these commercials are for Windows 7 and Windows Live, it made me wonder just what this Cloud thing actually is. After a little research, I found out that the Cloud isnt some new operating system or computer, but a way to use the World Wide Web to store your information. Currently, most software and files are stored individually on your computer, and you access your computers internal hard drive to use them. But with the Cloud, your software is stored on the internet, thus freeing up space on your computer. Web-based mail servers (such as Yahoo and Gmail) already use the Cloud to store your mail, and now more and more programs, including word processors, are appearing for the Cloud. This means that with these programs, you need only log into your account from any computer to access your files instead of having to transfer them to a flashdrive. But beware: while this will undoubtedly decrease the amount of hardware in computers and allow for easier remote access to your files, it also raises the question of security. The majority of your files will be on the internet, and while there are safeguards to protect your information, there is an ever-growing amount of clever hackers creating a plethora of smart, sneaky viruses. Even today, hacks of webbased mail arent uncommon, as shown by the burglary of Sarah Palins Yahoo email account in November of 2008. Granted that the majority of web-based mail has been safe so far, as history has shown, as a system like cloud computing gets older and evolves, weaknesses have a nasty way of being explored and exploited by skilled, determined individuals. Therefore, while the Cloud is a great way to utilize the vast storage space of the internet, it will have to undergo some serious scrutiny before it becomes a dependable, reputable way to store important information.

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F R E S H M I N R D U M LO L Z
By: Victoria Bugayong
Its finally the end of the year. Wow. The freshmeat have survived and none of the sophomores or juniors have fatally injured any of them. But, weve still got the powderpuff football game... fingers crossed everyone! No one wouldve thought that the freshmen wouldve made it this far. I mean, with the mantra FRESHMIN R DUM LOLZ running through some peoples minds, even Im surprised most of us have made it through the year and that only a few of us dropped out. One of the best things about this school year ending is that we can look forward to next years freshmen, and we can all come together and dislike THAT batch of freshmeat. Now, Nicola has made it a point all year to call out Key Club. No one has done anything about it because we all know its just a joke but the minute you start believing what Nicola sayswell, youre in a bit of trouble. Anyways, I just thought, lets highlight some of the acthird place (ironically, we had brought the wrong video). We arent lacking in talent either. Third place in the Talent Show was awarded to Nolan Brown and Gera Hall with the song Come Home by One Republic. Catherine McKay won first place after performing Taylor the Latte boy. WOW. With all of these awards, its not that hard to believe that our club as a whole was awarded the Distinguished Club Award. Just writing about this, I realize how accomplished our Key Club is. With our Key Club making up about one third of the student body, its understandable to think that the name should be Key Cult instead of Key Club. But that just shows that there are a lot of kids here at UAIS that want to help others. Go ahead and mock us if you want, but Key Club is something that a lot of us love. You can clearly see what our loyalty and passion for helping others has accomplished. Key Club isnt made up of its leaders. It is made up of its members. Hard work and determination has allowed us to accomplish what we have. And thats all I have to say about that.

complishments that Key Club has had this past school year.
A couple weeks ago, the Key Club Relay for Life Team, with captains Mauricio Guzman and Shobi Matthew, raised over $9,500, coming in second place overall. At DCON in March, Key Club of Michigan had elected Deanna Galer as Michigan Governor of Key Club, Michael Snider as Michigan District Treasurer, and Joe Spica as Lieutenant Governor for District 16 of Michigan Key Club. Mike was also awarded third place in the oratorical contest. Not only that, but Mr. Spear was voted Faculty Advisor of the Year, Sarah Fortunato as Secretary of the Year, and Deanna was also voted President of the Year. My recruitment poster was awarded third place in the poster competition, and the recruitment video was also awarded

T h e S t ro k e s a n g e l s
B y: K e v i n T e l l e r
Throughout its existence, alternative indie rock has had its champions, and The Strokes are back in the ring for another round since they released their fourth album, Angles worldwide on March 22 of this year, and not a moment too soon at that. This has been the bands first release since 2006s First Impressions of Earth, and its also a return to their more original sound of progressive post-punk revival that Im certain many fans missed. The Strokes have a sound that is definitely very heavily influenced by the guitarbased works of the 60s and 70s popular rock and roll with a creative New Wave twist to it, adding a type of electronic ambience behind the blues-based rhythm. Personally though, I was still expecting something a bit more innovative for having so much downtime between recording sessions. Although the band has come back from their two-year hiatus, this doesnt necessarily mean that they have the best of relations, or do they? Lead singer, Joe Casablanca, recorded almost all of his vocal tracks on a separate location from the rest of the bands recording, sending them by email and leaving his opinions on song-directions in really vague terms, according to guitarist Nick Valensi. Casablanca has recently admitted that he isolated himself so much for the betterment of the band as a whole, wanting the rest of the members to come out of their shells creatively and also probably wanting to take away some stress of being the main conductor of song-writing. Regardless of the methods used to make this album, it has definitely worked, with the band pumping out songs like Under Cover of Darkness, Two Kinds of Happiness, and Gratisfaction. These are great songs, but, given the bands previous releases, they seem to be due for something a bit more different. I give this effort two and-a-half stars out of five because it is all there for a return to their core sound, but Ill be expecting more on any succeeding releases.

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NEWSLETTER TITLE

S p i d e r m a n P h a r m ac y: T h e M u s i c a l B y: N i c o l a F i o rv e n to
I was sitting in a newspaper meeting when I learned from one of the newspaper monkeys whose asinine ramblings also appear in this shamble of a paper that Johnny Karvan, lead singer and only member of Plants Solemnly Battling, had recovered from his severe case of CD-shards-in-throat-itis and would be working with Bono to bring Spiderman Pharmacy to Broadway. Upon hearing this, I knew I had to be in New York to give you all a firsthand look at it. Thinking quickly, I jumped out the window, and ran to the bus station. JK: Youre right! My life is a complete fraud! Johnny then ran away, and jumped out of a ground floor window, where he plummeted to his death. Since the play had already been delayed many times due to cast injuries, creator injuries were no problem to the crew, and tonight was still opening night. lis! Why are you guys here? Kevin and I are here to help you. Help me do what? Just then, a group of Key Club robots, armed with water fluoridation gatling lasers, burst into the theater just as the curtains were opening. Were here to help you fight them!, Technopolis exclaimed, as he handed me a pool noodle and was brandishing his keytar as a weapon. Kevin interjected, Theyre here to fluoridate New York Citys water supply! Of course! Why didnt I see the signs? Kevin, Technopolis, and I fought our way to the Taft Box: Me with my pool noodle, Technopolis with his keytar, and Kevin with his eye lasers. I opened the Taft Box and untied President Carter. I shouted to him, Those robots are here to steal your peanuts! Carter ran into the advancing robot horde, shouting, NO! YOU WILL NOT TAKES MY PEANUTS AWAY FROM ME!!, biting any robot near him to pieces. Still, it wasnt enough. Fresh reinforcements were coming in constantly. We had been cornered. I thought all was lost, and then I heard the call of the majestic flugelhorn. A group of UAIS newspapermen, led by Kevin Teller and Zach Wrolokoloskopioski charged into the theater. They were armed with the finest in pool noodle weapons technology: pool noodles laced with magnets, the Key Clubs natural predator. With their help, the bots were driven back entirely. I thanked them for their assistance, and headed for the door, when it blew open and General Lee Oliver, commander of all NCR forces in the Mojave, and a group of Veteran Rangers walked in. The General had a big grin on his face, and said to me: Fine bit of work you laid down there. Truth be told, Im surprised you made it out in one piece, you and The Dam. And the screams of those Legion bast- And The Editor entered, and reduced Oliver and the Ranger vets to ash with his bolts of electric lighting fury. And The Editor spake unto Nicola, You have served newspaper well. Sometimes, the wrong man in the right place can make all the difference in the world, Mis-TER Fiorvento. Come, we must see to the burning of the dead.

That night, I found myself seated next to two old acquaintances: Alec Baldwin and Jimmy Carter. Jimmy bankrolled the entire production, and was in fact The ride to New York was interresponsible for most esting. Have you crew injuries. Jimmy ever tried hiding in had confused Doctor the gas tank of a Octopus for (and I Greyhound Bus for quote) A GIANT eight hours? Neither FLOATING PEANUT have I, I hid in the MACHINE!! and bit the tires. Upon arrival in actors playing him mulNew York, I noticed tiple times. I was feeling a scrawny, vacantnervous, as I had looking teen walking bought a bag of peainto a theater. nuts to sustain myself Johnny!, I yelled. for the play. I was just How have you been? about to open them when Jimmy asked Better now that I dont have CD shards in me, Those looks likes some delicious peaby digestive tract, I guess. nutses! I replied, They sure do! Would you like one, Sir? Jimmy then grabbed Oh, those were some fun times. Anyways, the whole, unopened bag of peanuts, congratulations on getting a Broadway and shoved them in his mouth. He did show! Was it enough to cover all of your not swallow. He just kept them in his medical costs? mouth, and he still managed to pull off No. that stupid grin that he does, when Alec Splendid! Say, how about an interview on said: Ha ha! Silly Willy peanut head! The mention of the word peanut caused the this new musical? President to fly into a rage, nearly ripping Um okay. off Alecs face before he was restrained NJF: So, how did Bono find out about your by ushers and taken to the Presidential album? I mean, I was the only person ever Holding Cell. (Did you know that every Broadway theater has a specially built to actually purchase it. holding cell to be used only if a US PresiJK: Thats a very interesting question. Bono dent goes into goes into a frenzy of peacan answer it better than I can. Bono, nut lust? They are known in the industry would you come over here for a second, as Taft Boxes, so named after the first please? President to require one.) Now deprived I should mention that at this point, Johnny of legume induced goodness, I went into the concession stand to buy the only puts on a pair of sunglasses, and begins other food available: gruel. As I ate it, I talking in a Lucky Charms Leprechaun noticed the similarity between this and voice. the gruel we newspaper columnists are JK: Ahoy,matey! I am The Bono fed to allow us to write. As I pondered NJF: First of all, you are clearly Johnny Kar- this, a blue stuffed animal and an elderly van, second of all, Irish stereotypes dont say man in a neon suit with a keytar appeared beside me. Kevin! Dr. Technopoahoy.

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Get up, Go out, and go play

B y: M i c h a e l s n i d e r
At last! Summer. In the spirit of summer closing in on the school year it's only appropriate to discuss the many different opportunities that lie before every student on summer vacation. While on vacation the main thing that is popular amongst students is to get outdoors and have fun with each other. A great way to accomplish this is by playing sports. The most popular among all sports in the summer is swimming, and while on the beach or in your backyard swimming the sport that seems to go in tandem with swimming in the summer is volleyball. Both of these sports combined together make for one great way to stay in shape for the summer months. Swimming for leisure is perhaps the easiest and the more fun method of exercise in the summer months. With games like Marco Polo, chicken fights, and simply beating each other with pool noodles, the pool is a great way to have fun and cool off in the hot days of summer. Swimming is well-known as one of the best workouts a sport can give you due to the constant workout your body undergoes to keep you afloat. An athlete who illustrates swimming's long term effects on the body could easily be exemplified by eight time Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps. It is said that Phelps consumes over 10,000 calories a day and this is just to keep his body at an efficient level to compete with his opponents. Obviously this is a very extreme case of the exercise that comes with swimming, but another sport that is a lot of times fused with swimming in the summer months is volleyball. Volleyball has become very popular in all different forms and fashions in the last few years with types of volleyball ranging from collegian volleyball, to beach volleyball, all the way to volleyball played in someones' pool. Beach volleyball has especially become a very popular sport in the summer months as the beaches warm up both men and women alike come to the volleyball courts to play a nice fun game at the beach. Then out of the convenience of being on a beach, players are then able to continue their fun summer workout by swimming, which is a great way to stay fit as well. Volleyball among other sports fused with swimming is all in all great exercises to do with a group of friends and are likely more fun than simply swimming laps with each other. Getting exercise in general during the summer months is essential to staying fit and living a healthy life style. So if your method of exercise is swimming, volleyball, a combination of the two, or any other sport you may take part in, be sure to get up, get out, and go play this summer, and be sure to encourage those around you to do the same. Besides, we have to have some reason to procrastinate our summer homework.

Featuring:

UAIS NHS POWDERPUFF GAME

Admission: $1

Heritage football field

MR. PITA/PIZZA KONA ICE

Brought to you by The Uais press Newspaper Club:

Juana gasso Megan penzkofer Adam Maksymetz Eric Krysinski Victoria Bugayong Joseph Schroder sana chishti Kevin teller Chris stark Shobi mathew Michael Snider Leanne pregizer

Chelsea pridmore Megan Schram

Nicola Fiorvento Zachary wyrzyKowski Kashan Wasti