265 Troubleshooting Strategies For Writing Nonfiction

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DOI: 10.1036/
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Contents
Acknowledgments .................................................................... vii
Intioduction: Myths About Wiiting:
Don`t Believe Eveiything You Heai ............................................ ix
- ................................ 1
1 I don`t know what to wiite." .................................................... 3
2 How do I deteimine my thesis:" ............................................ 17
3 How do I get my ideas to ft togethei:" .................................. 21
- .................................. 27
4 I know what I want to say, but I can`t say it." ........................ 29
5 I`m having tiouble with my opening.".................................... 35
6 How do I back up what I say:" .............................................. 41
7 I don`t know how to end." ...................................................... 51
8 I can`t think of the iight woid.".............................................. 57
- -.................................. 61
9 I thought my diaft was bettei than this." .............................. 63
10 I don`t know what to change." ................................................ 67
11 What if I want some constiuctive ciiticism:" ........................ 75
12 My ideas seem all mixed up.".................................................. 79
13 My diaft is too shoit." ............................................................ 83
14 My diaft is too long." .............................................................. 89
15 My wiiting seems boiing." ...................................................... 93
16 My wiiting sounds choppy.".................................................... 99
For more information about this title, click here

- .................................. 105
17 I don`t fnd my mistakes." .................................................... 107
18 I used a peiiod and a capital lettei, so why
isn`t this a sentence:" ............................................................ 113
19 How can this be a iun-on oi a comma splice:
It`s not even long." ................................................................ 119
20 It is I; it is me. What`s the diffeience:" ................................ 123
21 How do I know which veib foim to use:" .......................... 131
22 I`m unsuie about modifeis." ................................................ 139
23 Can`t I just place a comma wheievei I pause:" .................... 145
24 What if I want to quote somebody:".................................... 151
25 I have tiouble with apostiophes." ........................................ 155
26 I nevei know what to capitalize.".......................................... 159
27 I can`t spell." .......................................................................... 163
Index ........................................................................................ 173
-
Acknowledgments
am giateful to Lisa Mooie, Anne Stameshkin, Ruth Smith, Michele Pez-
zuti, and Ellen Vinz of McGiaw-Hill foi theii suppoit and expeit guid-
ance. In addition, I owe much to the sound counsel of the following
ievieweis, whose insights infoim this book:
Steven E. Cohen, Noiwalk Community College
Lahcen Elyazghi Ezzahei, Univeisity of Noithein Coloiado
Donald Eiskine, Claik College
Caiol S. Manning, Maiy Washington College
Sue McIntyie, Humboldt State Univeisity
Robbi Nestei, Iivine Valley College
Deboiah Coxwell Teague, Floiida State Univeisity
Julie Whitlow, Salem State College
Finally, to my undeistanding husband, Denny, and to my childien, Gieg
and Jeff, I offei thanks foi the suppoit and foi the ioom of my own.
Copyright 2005 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
Intioduction
- K

eople say many things about wiiting. Some of what they say is tiue,
and some is not. Let`s see if you can tell the diffeience between the facts
and the myths.
Which of the following statements aie facts, and which aie myths: (The
answeis appeai aftei the list, but don`t peek.)
Wiiteis aie boin, not made.
Good" wiiteis wiite fast.
Wiiteis should wait foi inspiiation.
Good" wiiteis iaiely stiuggle.
Good" wiiteis get it iight the fist time.
Outlining is veiy time-consuming.
The longei the woids, the bettei they aie.
Revising is ieading ovei a diaft and fxing spelling and punctuation.
Aftei diafting, good" wiiteis look foi theii giammai mistakes
iight away.
Theie is only one way to wiite.
A well-stated point does not iequiie pioof.
Aftei making theii last point, wiiteis should just stop.
Sentence fiagments aie always shoit.
Run-ons and comma splices aie always long.
Use a comma wheievei you pause in speech.
Capitalize a woid to emphasize it.
Theie aie no iules to explain English spelling.
The longei the wiiting, the bettei it is.
Much of what you heai about wiiting just isn`t tiue, including the pieced-
ing statements: eveiy one of those statements is a common myth about
wiiting.
How to Become a Bettei Wiitei
Wiiteis aie boin, not made.
I`m a teiiible wiitei." People say this all the time, and maybe you have
said it youiself. If so, you aie piobably wiong. Moie likely, you aie not as
good a wiitei as you could be-oi would like to be-but now you have
the chance to become a bettei wiitei, even an excellent one.
Maybe you think you can`t be a good wiitei because you weien`t a
good wiitei. Again, you aie mistaken, foi you can to be a good wiitei.
Becoming a bettei wiitei has much in common with becoming a bettei
swimmei, piano playei, oi dancei. In all these cases, you can woik to
impiove a skill. As you woik to impiove youi wiiting skills, think about
the following habits of highly successful wiiteis:
- -- -
1. Impioving a skill takes time. Just as peifecting a foul
shot takes a basketball playei time and piactice, so too does impioving
youi wiiting. If you expect too much too soon, you will become fiustiated.
Expect to make slow, steady piogiess iathei than diamatic, oveinight
impiovement.

2. - Eveiyone does, even expeiienced piofessional
wiiteis. Wiitei`s block and dead ends aie all pait of wiiting, so do not think
something is wiong with you if you have some tiouble. Consult this text,
and talk to expeiienced wiiteis when you get stuck. When you solve the
pioblem, tuck the solution away foi futuie iefeience, so the same pioblem
does not plague you ovei and ovei again.
3. - Expeiienced wiiteis
woik and iewoik diafts seveial times. With each ievision, know that you
aie acting like an expeiienced wiitei.
4. - Find out what they do when they wiite, and
tiy some of theii pioceduies. Foim a netwoik with othei wiiteis foi sup-
poit and suggestions.
5. --- Shaie youi wiiting-eithei
in diaft oi fnished foim-with people with good judgment. Ask them
what they think and why. Readei iesponse is valuable to a wiitei. By pay-
ing attention to this iesponse and woiking to impiove aieas wheie ieadeis
see weaknesses, you can impiove moie quickly.
6. Read eveiy day-the newspapei, newsmagazines,
shoit stoiies, iomance novels, ciime novels-anything that inteiests you.
Notice how othei wiiteis do things. Pay attention to how they handle
beginnings, endings, pioof of theii ideas, sentence stiuctuies, punctua-
tion, and tiansitions. Tiy to incoipoiate some of theii techniques in youi
own wiiting. The moie you iead, the moie you leain about the natuie of
language and the fastei youi wiiting will impiove. Fuitheimoie, fiequent
ieading makes you moie knowledgeable, so you have moie ideas foi youi
wiiting.
7. -- They aie a natuial pait of leaining. Take
iisks; tiy things out. If you make mistakes, embiace them as oppoitunities
to leain. If you aie afiaid of making a mistake, you will nevei tiy; if you
nevei tiy, you will nevei giow. Tiy to connect youi mistakes to youi wiit-
ing pioceduies. Decide which pioceduies woik well foi you and which do
not. Then consult this text foi pioceduies to ieplace the ones that did not
woik. Foi example, maybe diafting goes well foi you, but ievising does not.
That means you need to discovei new ievision pioceduies. You can iead
about those pioceduies in this book and then tiy them out. When youi
pioceduies woik bettei, youi wiiting will impiove.

Undeistand That Wiiting Is a Piocess
Good" wiiteis wiite fast.
Veiy few woithwhile endeavois aie accomplished quickly, and wiiting is
no exception. Successful wiiteis typically engage in a numbei of activities,
and doing so takes time. These activities include the following:
1. Piewiiting (coming up with ideas and fnding a good oidei foi
them)
2. Diafting (wiiting up youi ideas in a pieliminaiy foim)
3. Revising (impioving the content and expiession of ideas in youi
diaft)
4. Editing (fnding and coiiecting giammai and usage mistakes)
Wiiteis do not always move in a stiaight line fiom piewiiting to diafting
to ievising to editing. Instead, they often double back befoie going foi-
waid. While diafting, foi example, you may think of a new idea to add. By
doing so, you have left diafting and doubled back to piewiiting. Oi while
editing, you may think of a bettei way to phiase an idea. Then you have
left editing and doubled back to ievising. Nevei considei any stage of the
piocess done" and behind you. Always stand ieady to ietuin to an eailiei
stage when a good idea stiikes you.
Now let`s considei what each stage of wiiting involves.
Wiiteis should wait foi inspiiation.

If you sit aiound waiting foi inspiiation, you may nevei get anything wiit-
ten; inspiiation does not occui often enough foi wiiteis to depend on it.
In fact, inspiiation occuis so iaiely that wiiteis must develop othei ways
to get ideas. Collectively, the pioceduies foi coming up with ideas in the
absence of inspiiation aie called . The teim is used
because these pioceduies come befoie wiiting the fist diaft.

Chapteis 1 to 3 desciibe pioceduies foi coming up with ideas to wiite
about and foi discoveiing ways to oidei those ideas.
Good" wiiteis get it iight the fist time.

Once wiiteis geneiate enough ideas duiing piewiiting to seive as a depai-
tuie point, they make theii fist attempt at getting those ideas down. This
pait of the wiiting piocess is . Typically, the fist diaft is veiy
iough, which is why it so often is called the . The iough diaft
piovides iaw mateiial that can be shaped and iefned in the next stages of
the wiiting piocess. Chapteis 4 to 8 desciibe diafting pioceduies.
-
Revising is ieading ovei a diaft and fxing spelling and
punctuation.
Duiing -, wiiteis iewoik the iaw mateiial of the diaft to get it in
shape. This iewoiking is a time-consuming, diffcult pait of the piocess.
It iequiies the wiitei to iefne the content so that it is cleai, points aie ade-
quately suppoited, and ideas aie expiessed in the best way and best oidei
possible. Chapteis 9 to 16 desciibe ievising pioceduies.
Aftei diafting, good" wiiteis look foi theii giammai mistakes

iight away.
Because expeiienced ieadeis expect youi wiiting to be fiee of eiiois, you
must to fnd and eliminate mistakes so they do not distiact oi annoy
youi ieadei. Many wiiteis hunt foi eiiois too soon, howevei, befoie they
have ievised foi content and effective expiession. Editing should ieally be
saved foi the end of the piocess.
Chapteis 17 to 27 desciibe editing pioceduies.

Develop Youi Own Wiiting Piocess
Theie is only one way to wiite.
Although this book often mentions wiiting piocess, theie ieally is no
single coiiect piocess. Instead, wiiteis develop pioceduies that woik well
foi them; so eveiy successful wiitei can have a diffeient, successful pio-
cess. As you use this book and woik to become a bettei wiitei, tiy diffei-
ent pioceduies foi piewiiting, diafting, ievising, and editing. Some of
these pioceduies will woik well foi you, and some will not. Continue sam-
pling until you have effective stiategies foi handling all the stages of wiit-
ing, and at that point, you will have discoveied youi own successful
piocess.

P A R T
1
A Tioubleshooting Guide
to Piewiiting
as this happened to you: You wiite some sentences, but when you
iead the mateiial ovei, you hate it. You wad up the papei oi hit the
delete key, and then you begin again. But the same piocess iepeats itself
ovei and ovei. This is wiitei`s block. Oi peihaps you nevei get anything on
papei oi on the computei scieen. Instead, you just staie at the blank page
oi scieen, tiying to squeeze out ideas. This, too, is wiitei`s block. Foitu-
nately, you can banish wiitei`s block with the stiategies desciibed in this
section on piewiiting. ( iefeis to the ways wiiteis discovei ideas
to wiite about.)
1
I don`t know what to wiite."
he teiioi of the blank page! No, it`s not a movie coming soon to a the-
atei neai you. It`s the feai wiiteis expeiience when they sit down to
wiite but cannot think of anything to say. Suie, sometimes wiiteis aie
zapped by the lightning bolt of inspiiation, and idea aftei idea comes tum-
bling foith. Inspiiation is fckle, howevei, and cannot be counted on to just
show up. Theiefoie, if inspiiation fails you, take steps to develop ideas on
youi own. The following stiategies, known as -,
can help you come up with ideas when inspiiation does not aiiive on time.
Tioubleshooting Stiategies
1
The act of wiiting stimulates thought, so when you cannot think of any-
thing to wiite, stait wiiting anyway. Eventually, ideas will suiface. With
, you wiite to discovei ideas to wiite about. It woiks like this:
Sit in a quiet spot and wiite nonstop foi about ten minutes. Recoid eveiy
idea that occuis to you, no mattei how silly oi iiielevant it seems. Do not
stop foi any ieason. If you iun out of ideas, wiite the days of the week,
names of youi family membeis, even I don`t know what to wiite." Wiite
. Soon new thoughts will stiike you, and you can wiite about
them. The impoitant thing about fieewiiting is to be , so make wild
statements, wiite silly notions, oi make iandom associations. Do not eval-
uate anything; if it occuis to you, wiite it down. Do not woiiy about giam-
mai, spelling, punctuation, oi neatness-just wiite ideas the best way you
can without woiiying about anything. Heie is a fieewiiting sample pio-
duced to discovei ideas foi wiiting about the effects of computeis:
- - -
- - - - -
K- - - - - -
K- - -
- - K- -
K- - - - -
- - - -
- - -
- - K - K - K
- - --
- -- - -
- - - - -
- -
K - -
Notice that the fieewiiting uneaithed a numbei of ideas foi wiiting about
the effects of computeis: convenience, possible invasion of piivacy, changes
in the way people woik, the time spent on the Inteinet, changes in the way
people communicate, the need foi schools to educate childien in computei
skills, and whethei oi not computei access is just foi the iich.
2 -
With , you exploie a topic in moie depth by fieewiiting a second
and sometimes a thiid time. Foi example, the pievious fieewiiting sample
on the effects of computeis yielded seveial ideas foi wiiting, including the
time spent on the Inteinet." To use looping, you would fieewiite on this
topic foi ten minutes. That second loop" may yield enough mateiial, oi
you may fieewiite a thiid loop on an idea that emeiged in the second loop.
Taken togethei, all the fieewiiting loops can biing foith consideiable
mateiial.
A Tioubleshooting Guide to Piewiiting
3 -
- lets you see at a glance how ideas ielate to one anothei. To clus-
tei, wiite in the middle of a page a subject aiea you want to think about.
Then diaw a ciicle aiound the subject, so you have something that looks
like this:
Next, as you think of ideas, connect them to the cential ciicle:
As moie ideas occui to you, connect them to the appiopiiate ciicles:
N K M
-
-

-
-
-
-
-

-
--
---

---

---
-
-
-

-

-
- -K
---
-
-
--
Continue wiiting ideas and joining them to ciicles until you can think
of nothing else. Then study youi clusteiing to see if one paiticulai ciicle
with its connecting ciicles gives you enough ideas to begin a diaft. Foi
example, this poition of the pievious clusteiing might seive as a depaituie
point foi a diaft about the benefts of extiacuiiiculai activities:
If this clusteiing does not yield enough ideas foi a diaft, clustei again
to expand the bianches:
4 -
List ideas that occui to you in phiases iathei than sentences. Do not cen-
soi youiself; wiite eveiything you think of. Even if you aie suie an idea is
teiiible, wiite it anyway, because it may piompt you to think of anothei
moie useful idea. Heie is an idea-geneiation list foi wiiting about the
effects of being cut fiom the basketball team:
felt iejected
was embaiiassed
-
-
--
-
-
-

--

---

-

--
-

-

disappointed my fathei
got teased
felt inadequate
gave up basketball foievei
decided to go out foi cioss-countiy
lost my best fiiend, who was busy with the team
Next, ieview youi list and cioss out ideas you do not want to use and add
new ideas that occui to you. If you numbei the ideas in the list in the oidei
you want to tieat them in youi diaft, you have a sciatch outline. Some-
times you may want to wiite a second list focusing on only one of the
points in youi fist list. Foi example, a second list focusing on lost my best
fiiend, who was busy with the team" could look like this:
Cal had no time foi me
piacticed eveiy day
couldn`t go out at night because of cuifew
socialized with his teammates
wouldn`t play spoits with me because of feai of injuiies
5 -
To - foi ideas, ask youiself questions about youi topic. The
answeis can piovide details foi youi essay. Sometimes the question that
offeis up the most infoimation is the simple question Why:" In addition,
you may fnd the following questions helpful:
Why did it happen:
How did it happen:
Who was involved:
When did it happen:
Wheie did it happen:
Could it happen again:
What does it mean:
How does it woik:
Why does this mattei to me:
N K M
Why does this mattei to my ieadei:
Why is it tiue:
What is it similai to:
What is it diffeient fiom:
What aie its physical chaiacteiistics:
Why is it impoitant:
Who would caie about it:
What causes it:
What aie its effects:
What is it ielated to:
What examples aie theie:
How can it be explained:
What contioveisies aie associated with it:
6 -
If you have a bioad subject aiea you want to wiite about, but you aie not
suie how to limit the subject, tiy viewing it fiom diffeient angles. Asking
youiself the following questions can show you how to appioach youi topic
fiom diffeient peispectives:
1. - - What does it look, smell, taste,
sound, and feel like: What aie its paits, coloi, size, shape, and so on:
2. - - What is it like, and
what is it diffeient fiom: Aie the similaiities and diffeiences impoitant:
3. -- - What does it make people
think of : What is it ielated to: What does it develop fiom oi lead to:
4. - How is it bioken down: How does
it woik: What is it made of : Why is it impoitant:
5. - What is it good foi: Who would fnd
it useful: When is it useful: Does it have social, economic, oi political
value:
6. - - What aie the ieasons foi
it: What aie the ieasons against it: Who is foi it: Who is against it: Is it
iight oi wiong: Good oi bad: How does it affect society:
Aftei answeiing these questions, you may have an appioach to youi subject.
Then you can do some additional idea geneiation foi ideas to suit youi
appioach.
7 - --
Leaining what othei people think can expose you to fiesh peispectives and
stimulate youi own thinking. To discovei what otheis think, develop a
questionnaiie foi people to complete. This is not a scientifc instiument;
it is just something to piime youi own idea pump. Foi example, say you
want to wiite about the movie iating system. You could develop the fol-
lowing questionnaiie:
1. What do you think of the cuiient movie iating system, which uses
the designations G, PG, PG-13, R, and X:
2. Why do you think the way you do:
3. What could be done to impiove the system:
4. What aspects of the cuiient system should iemain the same: Why:
Youi questionnaiie should not include too many questions, oi people will
not bothei with it. Noi should you use the answeis - of youi own
thinking; the answeis aie meant to stimulate youi own thinking. Finally,
question at least fve people so you get a useful numbei of iesponses.
8
When you do not know what to wiite, sometimes the solution is to get in
theie and wiite anyway. You may be one of those people who don`t know
what they want to say until they say it. If so, sit down and foice youiself to
wiite on youi topic foi about an houi without woiiying about how good
the mateiial is. The iesult will be an exploiatoiy diaft-a few pages of
mateiial ieecting what you cuiiently know.
An exploiatoiy diaft may yield a thought oi two that you can puisue
with one of the idea-geneiation techniques in this chaptei, oi it may yield
enough foi you to tiy an outline oi iough diaft. Remembei that youi goal
N K M
is not to pioduce a fist diaft; it is to discovei one oi moie ideas to seive
as a depaituie point.
9
Relate the topic to youi own expeiiences so you can wiite about what you
know. Foi example, to wiite about modein technology, iemembei all the
tiouble youi cell phone caused you, and wiite about how this device can
be moie tiouble than it is woith. To wiite about the Ameiican educational
system, think about youi child-caie hassles and aigue that youi company
should have a day-caie centei. A topic that seems foimidable at fist can
be made manageable if it is viewed in the context of youi own life
expeiiences.
10
Foiget wiiting foi a while and tiy talking. Have a conveisation with youi-
self about youi topic by speaking all youi thoughts into a tape iecoidei.
Do not censoi youiself; just talk about whatevei occuis to you, and feel
fiee to be silly, offbeat, funny, diamatic, oi outlandish. When you iun out
of ideas, play back the tape. When you heai a good idea, pause the tape
and wiite the idea down.
11
Discuss youi wiiting topic with fiiends and ielatives. They may be able to
suggest ideas. Oi have othei people ask you the biainstoiming questions
that appeai eailiei in this chaptei.
12
Sometimes changing foimats can help, so instead of tiying to wiite an
essay, wiite a poem about youi topic. Then study it foi ideas you can shape
and develop in piose foim.
13
When all else fails, wiite about why you can`t wiite. Explain how you feel,
what is keeping you fiom getting ideas, and what you would wiite if you
could. This sheei act of wiiting can catapult you beyond the block to pio-
ductive idea geneiation.
14
If you do not know what to wiite, you may need to give youi ideas an incu-
bation peiiod. Tiy going about youi noimal ioutine with youi wiiting topic
on the back buinei. Think about youi topic fiom time to time thioughout
the day. Many wiiteis get theii best ideas while walking the dog, washing
the cai, sitting in a tiaffc jam, oi cleaning the house. If you feel anxious,
exeicise to ielieve the tension. Of couise, if an idea stiikes while you aie
in the middle of something, stop and wiite the idea down so you do not
foiget it.
15 -
You may have tiouble thinking of ideas if you have not claiifed youi pui-
pose and audience. Responding to the following questions can help.
-
What feelings, ideas, oi expeiiences can I ielate to my ieadei:
Of what can I infoim my ieadei:
Of what can I peisuade my ieadei:
In what way can I enteitain my ieadei:

Who could leain something fiom my wiiting:
Who would enjoy ieading about my topic:
Who could be inuenced to think oi act a ceitain way:
N K M
Who is inteiested in my topic oi would fnd it impoitant:
Who needs to heai what I have to say:
16
Buy a full-size spiial notebook foi keeping a jouinal, oi set up a computei
fle. Wiite in youi jouinal eveiy day. A jouinal is not a diaiy, because it is
not a iecoid of youi daily activities. Instead, it is an account of youi
thoughts and ieactions to events. Foi example, if you feel compassion foi
a blind peison you saw, desciibe youi feelings. If you aie anxious about an
upcoming event, explain why you aie conceined. If you weie iecently
ieminded of a childhood event, desciibe this memoiy. A jouinal is also a
good place to think things thiough in wiiting. Is something tioubling you:
Do you have a pioblem: Exploie the issues in youi jouinal, and you may
achieve new insights. In addition, if you aie woiking on a wiiting pioject,
a jouinal is an ideal place to tiy out an appioach to pait of the diaft, oi to
tinkei with a ievision.
Because youi jouinal is meant foi you and not foi a ieadei, you do not
need to ievise and edit anything. Just wiite youi ideas down in any way
that suits you, because you aie youi piimaiy audience this time. Latei, if
you aie looking foi a wiiting topic, ieview youi jouinal foi ideas. Set aside
at least ffteen minutes eveiy day to wiite in youi jouinal. If you have tiou-
ble thinking of what to wiite, tiy one of the following suggestions:
1. Wiite about something that angeis you, pleases you, oi fiustiates
you.
2. Desciibe the ideal education.
3. Wiite about some change you would like to make in youiself.
4. Look at a newspapei and iespond to a headline.
5. Wiite about someone you admiie.
6. Desciibe youi life as you would like it to be in fve yeais.
7. Tell about one thing the woild could do without.
8. Recoid a vivid childhood memoiy.
9. Desciibe youi cuiient wiiting piocess, including what you do to
geneiate ideas, diaft, ievise, and edit.
10. Desciibe one piece of legislation you wish you could diaft. Explain
how it would impiove the woild.
17 -
Combine techniques any way you like. Peihaps you will begin with
fieewiiting and then biainstoim. Oi maybe you will talk into a tape
iecoidei and then list. Expeiiment until you fnd the combination of tech-
niques that woiks the best.
18 -
If you use a computei, you may like the following stiategies.
With a blank scieen, wiite whatevei comes to mind about
youi subject (oi even youi lack of a subject). Do not go back with the
delete, backspace, oi left aiiow key. Just wiite foi about ten minutes. Then
get a piintout, and iead what you have typed. Undeiline usable ideas. Pei-
haps theie will be enough to get you staited. If not, do a second fieewiit-
ing, focusing on the undeilined ideas. (Foi moie on fieewiiting, see the
beginning of this chaptei.)
No, you don`t ieally blindfold youiself oi even close
youi eyes. Just fnd the switch that contiols the biightness of the monitoi
and tuin it all the way down until the scieen is daik. Then type foi ten
minutes, just as you would if you weie fieewiiting. When you aie done,
youi scieen may look like this:
- -
- -
N K M
This is not a pioblem. You can still detect the seeds of good ideas to expand
on in a diaft oi in a second blindfolded wiiting.
Wiite an e-mail to a fiiend, and discuss youi wiiting topic.
Mention the ideas you cuiiently have, and ask foi a iesponse to those ideas
and foi some additional ideas to considei.
- You may appieciate listing on the
computei because ideas can be easily ieoiganized and deleted to get a neat,
sequenced list of ideas. Just wiite the fist idea that comes to mind. A woid
oi a phiase will do just fne. Piess the entei oi ietuin key. Wiite anothei
idea, and piess the entei oi ietuin key. Repeat these steps until you iun out
of ideas. Use youi delete key to eliminate ideas you want to stiike fiom
youi list. Next, study youi list and decide what oidei is suggested. Tiy out
the oidei using the copy-and-paste sequence. Reaiiange youi list as often
as you like until you have a suitable sciatch outline to guide youi fist diaft.
- The Inteinet can be a helpful iesouice foi wiiteis who
need ideas. In paiticulai, you might tiy the following:
Type a subject into a seaich engine, and scan the
titles ietuined foi possible wiiting topics oi ideas foi developing a topic.
Foui populai seaich engines aie
AltaVista: altavista.com
Google: google.com
Yahoo: yahoo.com
All the Web: alltheweb.com
- - -- Scan one of these populai news sites foi infoi-
mation on cuiient events, health, business, and enteitainment. You might
get seveial wiiting ideas.
Yahoo News: http://news.yahoo.com/:u
Reuteis News Seivice: ieuteis.com/news.jhtml
Google News: news.google.com
- -- - Tiy one of these
sites:
Foi newspapeis aiound the countiy and woild: iefdesk.com/papei.html
An online magazine: http://slate.msn.com
A national newspapei: usatoday.com
- -- - These two sites, in
paiticulai, may give you wiiting ideas:
SciTechDaily Review: scitechdaily.com
Aits & Letteis Daily: aldaily.com
N K M
2
How do I deteimine
my thesis:"
ou might know in youi own mind what youi wiiting is about, but that
is not enough. You need to convey that idea to youi ieadei in a cleai,
appealing way-and that`s wheie youi thesis comes in. Youi -- is the
statement of youi wiiting`s focus, and it fiequently appeais at oi neai the
beginning of youi wiiting.
Because youi thesis guides the couise of youi wiiting, it must be ciafted
with caie. The suggestions in this chaptei can help.
19
You may be tempted to base youi thesis on the point you geneiated the
most ideas foi, but that point may not be youi best choice. Peihaps you
have too much mateiial foi the length you aie woiking with, oi peihaps
that point holds little inteiest foi youi ieadei. Study youi idea-geneiation
mateiial caiefully with youi ieadei in mind befoie deciding on youi thesis
idea.
20 --
One pait of youi thesis should give the topic you aie discussing, and the
othei pait should note youi asseition about that topic. In the following
examples, the topic is undeilined once, and the asseition is undeilined
twice:
The television iatings system does not seive the puipose it was
intended to seive.
The fedeial goveinment should outlaw Inteinet gambling.
Although textbooks cost a gieat deal of money, they aie one of the
best baigains in education.
21 -
--
In addition to noting youi topic and youi asseition about that topic, youi
thesis can indicate the main points you will covei in youi wiiting (although
it does not have to do this). In the following example, the designated main
points aie undeilined:
Yeai-iound schools aie a good idea because childien would not foiget
mateiial ovei long summei bieaks, child caie would not be a
pioblem foi woiking paients, and a gieatei numbei of elective
couises could be offeied.
22
Avoid tieating moie than one topic oi moie than one asseition. Also avoid
single topics that aie too bioad. Tieating moie than one topic, moie than
one asseition, oi a veiy bioad topic iequiies you to wiite too much, oi it
foices you into a veiy geneial, supeifcial tieatment of youi topic.
To ievitalize the city, tax incentives
should be offeied to new businesses, and
moie paiking should be offeied
downtown.
To ievitalize the city, tax incentives
should be offeied to new businesses.
To ievitalize the city, moie paiking
should be offeied downtown.
-- Voteis would be less apathetic if
campaign fnance laws weie changed, and
if candidates debated moie often.
campaign fnance laws weie changed.
candidates debated moie often.
The Ameiican political system needs to
be oveihauled.
The electoial college is no longei a
sensible way to elect a piesident.
23 -- -- B -
Woids like , , -, , and - aie too vague to give
youi ieadei a cleai indication of youi asseition. So opt instead foi moie
specifc woids and phiases.
Jennifei Juaiez makes a good candidate foi City Council.
Jennifei Juaiez is a qualifed candidate foi City Council
because of hei extensive political backgiound.
New Yoik`s Metiopolitan Museum of Ait is an awesome
place.
Because of the numbei and vaiiety of its holdings, New Yoik`s
Metiopolitan Museum of Ait is a national tieasuie.
24 -
If youi thesis is a statement of indisputable fact, youi essay will have
nowheie to go.
N --M
- The zoning boaid must decide whethei to
appiove a housing development on Route 193.
The zoning boaid should appiove the housing
development on Route 193.
25 - --
Duiing diafting and ievising, eveiything is pait of a discoveiy piocess and,
theiefoie, subject to change. Youi thesis, no mattei how caiefully you
ciafted it, is tentative. It may change latei, as new insights occui to you.
26 - --
If you compose at the computei, tiy the following stiategies.
If you have tiouble composing a thesis, e-mail youi
idea-geneiation mateiial to a fiiend. Ask that peison to ieview the mate-
iial and to identify one oi moie thesis statements that seem to emeige fiom
that mateiial.
- Foi additional infoimation on how to wiite a thesis,
visit these websites:
Capital Community College`s Guide to Giammai and Wiiting:
ccc.commnet.edu/giammai. Select Index" in the diop-down box undei
Essay & Reseaich Papei Level," then click on Thesis Statement."
Puidue Univeisity`s Online Wiiting Lab: http://owl.english.puidue
.edu. In the seaich box, type thesis."
3
How do I get my ideas to
ft togethei:"
K, so you`ve come up with good ideas and now you need to get youi
ideas to hang togethei in a coheient whole. The stiategies in this
chaptei can help.
27 --
Youi thesis tells what youi wiiting is about. (Foi moie on the thesis, see
Chaptei 2.) If youi ideas do not come togethei, the pioblem may be with
youi thesis. Check youi thesis against the guidelines that follow, and make
any necessaiy ievisions.
- -- Can you point to oi wiite out a specifc
sentence oi two that expiesses the focus of youi wiiting: If not, youi ideas
may be nothing moie than a collection of loosely ielated thoughts, which
seem confused because they do not develop one cential focus.
- -- --- ---, some-
thing that is disputed oi something in need of explanation. Foi moie on
this point, see Chaptei 2.
- -- - , oi you will
be foiced to biing in too many ideas, which can cieate disoidei.
-- High school was a tiaumatic
expeiience.
-- My fist high school tiack meet
was a tiaumatic expeiience.
The fist thesis iequiies the wiitei to covei events spanning foui yeais-
which could be a gieat deal foi one wiiting. The second thesis sets up a
moie ieasonable goal: the events of one afteinoon.
28
To wiite a sciatch outline, list all youi most impoitant points. Then ieview
the list and numbei the points in the oidei you will handle them in youi
wiiting. A sciatch outline can be made quickly, and many wiiteis fnd it
useful. Howevei, because the outline is not veiy detailed (it coveis only the
main points), othei wiiteis fnd it does not piovide enough stiuctuie. If
you aie one of the lattei, you may piefei one of the othei outlining tech-
niques desciibed in this chaptei.
29 -
The outline tiee piovides a visual iepiesentation of how ideas ielate to each
othei. To constiuct a tiee, wiite youi thesis on the page:
- - - -- -
Next, bianch youi main ideas off fiom youi thesis idea:
- - - -- -
- - -
N - B M
Then, bianch suppoiting ideas off fiom youi main ideas:
- - - -- -
- - -
- - - - -
- - K
-
The outline tiee shows you how ideas ielate to each othei so that when
diafting, you avoid skipping iandomly fiom one idea to anothei.
30
Wiiteis who aie uncomfoitable with the foimal outline that uses Roman
numeials, capital and loweicase letteis, and numbeis often like the infoi-
mal outline that lists and gioups the most impoitant ideas. Typically, an
infoimal outline includes:
The thesis idea
The majoi points to suppoit the thesis
Some of the ideas that suppoit the majoi points
Heie is an example of an infoimal outline foi the following thesis: Pub-
lic school students should not have to weai unifoims."

- --
- -- - --
- - - -
- --
- - - --
-
{ -- - K
{ -
--- - ---
{ - -- --
{ - --
- -
N M
{ -- -K - - -
{
-
- -- - - - -
K
31 -
To develop the map, use youi list of geneiated ideas to fll in a copy of the
foim shown in Figuie 1.
To complete the map, wiite in youi thesis and place one main point at
the top of each column. (If you have two main points, you will have two
columns; thiee main points will mean thiee columns; and so on.) In the
columns undei each main point, wiite the suppoiting ideas that will
develop the main point. Then note what youi concluding point(s) will be.
You can wiite youi diaft fiom the map by allowing each column to be
a paiagiaph.
32 -
An - is a veiy biief summaiy. Befoie you stait diafting, wiite a one-
paiagiaph abstiact of what you plan to say in youi wiiting. Include only
the main points, and leave out the details that will expand on those points.
Then iead ovei youi abstiact to check that the main points logically fol-
low one to the next. If they do not, tiy anothei abstiact, placing youi ideas
in a diffeient oidei. When you diaft, you can esh out the abstiact into a
full-length piece of wiiting.
N - B M

--

-
33 - -
Computeis can be veiy handy foi helping wiiteis oiganize theii ideas.
If you use a computei to geneiate ideas by listing,
you can tuin youi list into a sciatch outline veiy easily. Use the delete key
to eliminate the ideas that you do not want to use (and if new ideas occui
to you, add them to the list). Then by using the copy-and-paste command,
aiiange the ideas in the oidei you want to tieat them in youi wiiting.
If youi computei has an outline piogiam, use it
to fll in the vaiious levels designated by Roman numeials, letteis, and
numbeis. Study the iesults, and expand and delete sublevels as necessaiy.
If youi woid-piocessing piogiam does
not include an outline featuie, develop youi own outline foim, using
Roman numeials, letteis, and numbeis. Save the foim as a fle you can
ietiieve whenevei you want to make an outline. You can also cieate foims
and fles foi the outline map and outline woiksheet.
- If you want to leain the mechanics of wiiting a foimal
outline, visit Puidue Univeisity`s Online Wiiting Lab at http://owl
.english.puidue.edu/handouts/geneial/gl_outlin.html.
P A R T
2
to Diafting
iafting is youi fist attempt to wiite youi ideas on the page oi com-
putei scieen. Because it is youi B- effoit, youi diaft will piobably
have many pioblems. That`s noimal. In fact, most people wiite veiy iough
fist diafts and then iewoik them until they aie polished and ieadei-ieady.
In othei woids, do not feel discouiaged if youi diafting yields a veiy iagged
piece of wiiting. Rough though it is, that diaft is useful iaw mateiial that
you can iefne.
4
I know what I want to say,
but I can`t say it."
o you think you know what you want to say, and you sit down with
plenty of fiesh wiiting papei, pencils shaipened to a lethal point, and
a bowl of Doiitos. Then disastei stiikes: you know what you want to say,
but the woids don`t come out iight-oi they don`t come out at all.
If this happens to you, know that you aie not alone. Plenty of wiiteis
expeiience the same block. To get past the block, use the techniques
desciibed in this chaptei.
34 --
Aie you tiying to wiite with headphones on: With the TV on in the back-
giound: With youi ioommate iummaging foi a missing left sneakei: With
the stieet depaitment outside teaiing up the pavement with an aii ham-
mei: Few people can wiite when distiactions disiupt theii focus, so get-
ting past wiitei`s block may be as simple as fnding a place to wiite that is
fiee of distiactions.
35 - -
At the beginning of a wiiting pioject, the fnish line can seem so fai away
that we feel stiess. This stiess can lead to wiitei`s block. Tiy bieaking the
task down into manageable steps. Foi example, the fist time you sit down,
tell youiself you will just come up with fve ideas and a sciatch outline. The
second time, you will just diaft the opening. The thiid time, you will diaft
two paiagiaphs. If you woik towaid the completion of inteimediate goals,
the pioject will be less intimidating.
36
If you fnd youiself staiting a diaft, ciumpling up the papei and pitching
it to the ooi, staiting anothei diaft, ciumpling up the papei and pitching
it to the ooi, staiting anothei diaft, and so foith, you may be expecting
too much too soon. Remembei, a fist diaft is -- to be iough. Instead
of wadding up that diaft, foice youiself to go fiom stait to fnish in one
sitting to get iaw mateiial that you can shape duiing the ievision piocess
latei.
37
A change of scene can help a wiitei bieak thiough a block, so if you usu-
ally wiite in one place, tiy anothei. Go to the libiaiy, the paik, oi a local
dinei. If you wiite in youi bedioom, tiy the kitchen oi a coffee shop. A
new locale can give you a fiesh peispective.
38 -
If you wiite with a pen, tiy a pencil oi a computei. If you use a computei,
tiy a pen. If you like lined papei, tiy unlined. If you like legal pads, tiy sta-
tioneiy. Do anything to make the wiiting diffeient.
39
Piofessional wiiteis aie disciplined about theii woik. They make them-
selves sit down at the same time each day to wiite foi a specifc numbei of
houis. Follow the lead of the piofessionals, and push past the block by foic-
ing youiself to wiite at a ceitain time each day foi a specifc length of time.
A Tioubleshooting Guide to Diafting
40
Sometimes we think of the ieadei at the othei end judging oui woik, and
we fieeze. Tiy wiiting youi diaft as if it weie a lettei to a fiiend-a lettei
to someone who caies about you and who will value you iegaidless of how
well you wiite. When youi audience is shifted to a peison you feel com-
foitable with, you can ielax and allow the woids to emeige. Aftei wiiting
a diaft this way, you can ievise to make youi woik suitable foi youi
intended ieadei and to shape it into an essay oi othei appiopiiate foim.
41 - -
Foiget youi ieadei foi a while, and wiite the diaft in a way that pleases
. Be youi own audience at fist. Latei when you polish youi woik, you
can make the changes necessaiy foi the audience you aie aiming foi.
42 -
Sometimes wiiteis tiy so haid to achieve what they think is a sophisti-
cated" style that the stiain causes a block. To solve this pioblem, wiite as
you noimally speak, and the woids should ow moie easily. Aftei diafting
this way, ievise if the wiiting is too conveisational oi infoimal.
The gaiiulous male juvenile, who upon cuisoiy
examination gave the appeaiance of being about
twelve, nettled the oiatoi.
The talkative boy, who looked about twelve, annoyed
the speakei.
43
Sometimes we have tiouble wiiting but no tiouble talking. Tiy speaking
youi diaft into a iecoidei. Afteiwaid, you can tiansciibe the iecoiding to
get youi diaft.
N - K - M
44
If you get blocked in the middle, go back and ieiead youi diaft fiom the
beginning. Doing so can give you momentum and piopel you past the
block. Reieading can be a iemindei of youi thesis, puipose, and oiganiza-
tional stiategy, a iemindei that keeps you on tiack.
45
When the woids won`t come, you may need time away to ielax and let
things simmei. Take a walk, listen to music, play tennis, take a showei,
make a sandwich, iead a magazine, clean a diawei, oi pot a plant. Do any-
thing to cleai youi mind foi a while. Time away can piovide an incubation
peiiod, so when you stait to wiite again you aie no longei stuck.
46 -
If youìe stuck on the opening, wiite the middle and end, and then go back
to youi beginning. With the iest of youi diaft complete, you may fnd youi
opening easiei to handle than it was befoie. (If you wiite youi opening last,
wiite a thesis on sciatch papei so you have a focus foi youi diaft.)
47
Begin wiiting about whatevei point you feel confdent wiiting, and go fiom
theie. Staiting with an idea you can wiite-no mattei wheie in the diaft
it falls-can piopel you foiwaid.
48 Can
K
You can stait out just fne, but then begin to stiuggle along the way and
eventually come to a full stop. Why does a good stait fzzle: This may hap-
pen because you dwell on the tiouble spots and lose momentum. To solve
this pioblem, skip the tiouble spots: if you cannot think of the iight woid,
leave a blank and add it latei; if you sense some detail is not woiking,
undeiline it foi latei consideiation and piess on; oi if the iight appioach
to youi opening escapes you, begin with youi second paiagiaph and go on
fiom theie. You will make moie piogiess by focusing on what you do
and leaving the pioblems behind to deal with latei.
49 -- -
If you constantly iewiite what you have alieady wiitten, you can get stuck
in one place-maybe polishing the intioduction ovei and ovei, oi peihaps
tinkeiing endlessly with the detail to suppoit youi fist point. While some
wiiteis do well if they ievise as they go, otheis get bogged down. If you get
bogged down, tiy pushing foiwaid even if what you have alieady wiitten
is in pietty soiiy shape. You can ievise the iough spots latei.
50 - K
If you wiite fast, you will have no time to woiiy about how well you aie
saying things. You will only be able to get things down the best way you
can at the moment. Latei when you ievise, you can iewoik things as
needed.
51
If you have geneiated a numbei of good ideas and you still have tiouble
wiiting a diaft, you may be unsuie what idea you should wiite fist, sec-
ond, thiid, and so on. An outline can help. (Foi infoimation on outlining,
consult Chaptei 3.)
52
You may have a cleai enough idea of what you want to say, so you may
need to ietuin to idea geneiation. Tiy a favoiite technique to claiify youi
thinking oi to esh out some existing ideas. Oi tiy a technique you have
not used befoie (see Chaptei 1 foi suggestions).
N - K - M
53 - -
If you like to compose at the computei, the next techniques can be helpful.
On one pait of the scieen, display youi outline oi
idea-geneiation mateiial; on the othei side, display youi diaft. This way,
you can easily iefei to youi piewiiting mateiial as you wiite. You can also
place youi thesis in one of the scieens to help you stay on tiack as you
diaft.
- - Many woid-piocessing piogiams allow you to
wiite notes that appeai on youi scieen but not on the piinted page. If you
want to iemembei a question, iecoid an idea, oi make a comment foi latei
consideiation, and you do not want to inteiiupt youi diafting, use this
capability to wiite on youi diaft. The comments will not appeai on youi
papei copy, but they will be saved in the computei fle foi you to come
back to.
- If you geneiate ideas on the computei, you can cut and
paste some oi all of that mateiial into a fist diaft. Of couise, you will need
to ievise that mateiial latei, but it can woik well as a depaituie point.
- The following Web page has infoimation on what
causes wiitei`s block and how to pievent and deal with it: suite101
.com/welcome.cfm/wiiteis_block.
5
I`m having tiouble with
my opening."
he fist day of school, the fist day on a new job, a fist date-staiting
out something new can be haid. Staiting out a piece of wiiting can
also be diffcult, even if you have geneiated plenty of ideas. The stiategies
in this chaptei can help.
54 -
Why should anyone take time to iead what you wiite: Let youi ieadeis
know why youi topic is impoitant, and you can engage theii inteiest. Say
youi woik will explain to the iesidents of youi town how they can elimi-
nate cigaiette adveitising on billboaids. Youi intioduction can explain why
iesidents should want to eliminate this adveitising in the fist place:
- -
- - --O
O - - - - -
- - - - -
- - -
- - N - -M
- -
- - -
-- - --
B- - -
55
What should youi ieadei know to appieciate oi undeistand youi topic:
What infoimation would establish a context foi youi essay: The answeis
to these questions can piovide backgiound infoimation in the intioduc-
tion. Foi example, assume you will aigue that moie fedeial money should
be spent to educate childien about the dangeis of tobacco. Youi intioduc-
tion could supply backgiound infoimation about past effoits in this aiea:
- -
- - B-
-- -- - - -
- - - --
- - -
- - - - - -
- -- - - -
- - - -
- --
56
Cieate inteiest in youi topic by telling a stoiy that is ielated to that topic
oi in some way illustiates youi thesis. Foi example, if youi essay shows that
modein conveniences can be moie tiouble than they aie woith, the fol-
lowing intioduction with a stoiy could be effective:
-
- - --
- - --
A - -
- B
-
- -- -
- -
- -- -
- - -
K- -
-
57 - -
If someone has said something applicable to youi thesis and said it paitic-
ulaily well, you can engage inteiest by quoting the iemaik. Just be suie that
the quotation is inteiesting and not an oveiused expiession like bettei safe
than soiiy" oi the eaily biid gets the woim."
-- --
- --- - - -
N -- --- - -
M --
-- B --
- - - -- -
- --
58 --
Relevant statistics, paiticulaily if they aie suipiising, can engage a ieadei.
Just be suie that you note the souice of the statistics you use, so youi ieadei
does not think you pulled them fiom the aii.
- - - - -
- - - B - -
- -- -
B- -- - - -
- - -
-
NK M
59
Identify a point of view oi expeiience you and youi ieadei shaie. Piesent-
ing this common giound in an intioduction can cieate a bond between
ieadei and wiitei.
In the following intioduction, the common giound is a shaied school
expeiience:
- -
- - - B
- -- --
- - - --

- - -
- -
60 -
Desciiption adds inteiest and liveliness to wiiting.
B - -
- - - - - -
- -- - - - -
- - - - B -
- - - - -
- - - -
61 -- -
---
Sometimes the diiect appioach is the best. You can begin by stating youi
thesis and the main points you will discuss, like this:
- - - -- -
- - - - - -
- - - - - B-

62
If you aie having tiouble with something, it makes no sense to make it as
long as possible. Thus, if youi opening is pioving tioublesome, just wiite
youi thesis along with one oi two othei sentences, and get on with the iest
of youi wiiting. If all else fails, just wiite youi thesis and go on to youi fist
point to be developed.
63 -
If you cannot come up with a suitable opening, go on to wiite the iest of
youi piece and then ietuin to the beginning. With the iest of youi wiiting
diafted, you may fnd that an appioach to youi opening comes to mind. If
you skip youi opening, howevei, jot down a woiking thesis on sciatch
papei and check it peiiodically to be suie you do not stiay into unielated
aieas.
64 -
If you use a computei, you may like the following techniques.
If you cannot decide which of two oi moie appioaches to
use, execute the command that lets you divide youi scieen in half. Then
tiy one appioach to youi intioduction in one half of the scieen and
anothei appioach in the othei half. Compaie the two appioaches, and
decide which woiks bettei.
Youi last paiagiaph may woik
bettei as an opening than as a closing. To fnd out, execute the command
that allows you to move youi last paiagiaph to the beginning of youi wiit-
ing. With some fne-tuning, you may be able to tuin that ending into a
stiong opening. Of couise, you will have to wiite a new closing, but that
may piove easiei than wiestling with the beginning.
- These Web pages offei helpful infoimation on wiiting
intioductions:
NK M
The Nuts and Bolts of College Wiiting has examples of stiong and
weak intioductions at http://nutsandbolts.washcoll.edu/beginning.html
#opening.
Geoige Mason Univeisity`s online wiiting centei offeis a guide to
intioductions and conclusions at gmu.edu/depaitments/wiitingcentei
/handouts/intiocon.html.
6
How do I back up what I say:"
ou may be a waim, wondeiful human being and as honest as they
come, but no expeiienced ieadei will believe you unless you suppoit
youi statements with pioof and explanations. The suggestions in this chap-
tei can help you back up what you say.
65 -
Youi own life expeiiences can piovide convincing evidence. Say, foi exam-
ple, that you aie discussing pioblems cieated by computeis, and you make
the point that computeis often contiibute to piociastination. You might
wiite a paiagiaph like the following, based on youi own expeiience:
- -- - -
K- - - -
-
- - -
- B --- - -
- -
K - -
- --- - --
- - - -
K - -
-
66 - -
Youi obseivations of the woild can offei excellent suppoit foi ideas. Say
you aie discussing the tiend to iequiie volunteeiism in high schools. Youi
obseivation of the volunteei woik students do at local high schools could
lead to this paiagiaph:
-
- - - -
- -- B-
- - - -- - -
- -
- - - - - B
- -- - - -
- - -
67
Seaich youi own expeiience foi biief stoiies that can diive home youi
points. Considei this passage:
- - - -- -
B- -
-- -- B
- -
Now notice how the addition of a biief stoiy helps piove the point:
- - - -- -
B- -
-- -- B
- -
- - - - -
- B-
- - B-
- -
- - - -
-- B- --
- -
B- -
68 - -
Desciiption cieates vivid images that help the ieadei to see and heai the
way you see and heai. It also adds inteiest and vitality to wiiting. Considei
this passage:
- - -
- -
-- B -
- -
- B
-
Now notice the inteiest cieated with the addition of desciiption:
- - -
- -
-- B -
- -- - -
- -
- B
- - - --
- - - -
- --
- - B- - --
- - -
- -
- -
N -M
69 -
Nothing claiifes oi pioves a point like a well-chosen example. Examples
can come fiom peisonal expeiience, obseivation, ieading, ieseaich, oi
classioom expeiience. Assume you have stated that television commeicials
cause us to buy pioducts we do not need. You could back up that point
with examples you have obseived, like this:
- - -
- -
- -
-- - - - -
- -- -
- - - -- -
- -
- -
You could also take an example fiom peisonal expeiience (the time you
went to a tax piepaiei because a television commeicial wiongly convinced
you that you could not do youi own taxes); you could diaw an example
fiom ieseaich (talk to otheis about unnecessaiy pioducts they have pui-
chased as a iesult of commeicials); oi you could cite an example you
leained ieading a magazine (peihaps statistics on the numbei of people
who have bought a paiticulai unnecessaiy pioduct).
70 --
Reasons help piove that something is tiue. Let`s say youi point is that stan-
daidized testing should be eliminated. These ieasons could help piove youi
point:
-- -
- - - -- -
- -- -
Heie is how those ieasons might appeai in a paiagiaph:
-- - - -
- -
-- - - -
- - -- --- -
- -- - -
- -- - O -
- - - - - - - -
- - - -
-- -
- -- - -
- B -
- - -
71 - -
Assume you aie wiiting about ways to impiove the quality of life in nuis-
ing homes, and you make the point that nuising homes should allow iesi-
dents to have pets. The following paiagiaph shows how you can back up
youi point by citing similaiities:
- - -
- -- - --- -
- -- - - B
- - - - -
- -- - - -
- -
- B- -
- -
-
--
Now assume that you want to aigue that having pets in nuising homes
is a good idea. Showing diffeiences can help you back up youi point:
- - - B
- -- - B - -
N -M
- - - - --
- -- -- -
-- - -- - - -
-- - --
- - -
- -- -
- -- -
- --
- - -
--
72 -- -
If you aie wiiting about sex education in schools and make the point that
it should be mandatoiy, you can back up this point by citing the positive
effects of sex education, like this:
K- - - B - - -
- - - - -
-
- -- - - - -
- - - -
- -
- -- - - - ---
If you want to emphasize the need foi sex education by citing the piessuie
on teenageis to become sexually active, you might explain what causes
teenageis to become sexually active, like this:
- - - -
- --- -

- - - - -
- - - - -
-- -- - -
- -
To discovei causes, ask youiself, Why does this happen:" The answeis
may piovide youi details. Similaily, to discovei effects, ask youiself, Aftei
this happens, then what:" The answeis may piovide details as well. Foi
example, ask, Why do teenageis engage in sex:" and you might get the
answei, To be moie like an adult." The desiie to be matuie then becomes
a cause. Ask youiself, Aftei sex education couises aie offeied, then what:"
If you get the answei, Teenageis leain safe sex piactices," you have an
effect of sex education.
73 -
Assume you aie discussing simple things people can do to combat pieju-
dice. If you make the point that people do not have to put up with iacial,
ethnic, oi sexist humoi, you might back up that point by explaining how
a peison can deal with such humoi, like this:
-
-- - -
- - - - - - N K B
- - M - -
- -
-- - - - NK -
M
- - - -
-
74

Say, foi example, that you aie aiguing foi the passage of a tax levy to fund
the building of a new high school. To help make youi point, you can
explain what would happen if the levy did pass, like this:
-- - B
- - -
- - - -
N -M
B - - --- --
- --
- - ---
- - -- --
- - - -
- ---
-- - - - - - -
- - B-

75 - - -
Think about the view of those who disagiee with you. You can acknowl-
edge a compelling point and offei youi counteiaigument. Foi example, if
you weie aiguing in favoi of waining labels on CDs with sexually explicit
lyiics, you could wiite the following:
- - N M
- - -
-- - - -
- - - -
- - -
- - - -
- - - - - -
- - N -M
-- -- - -
-- - - - -
76 - - -
Statistics, facts, quotations, and ideas fiom outside souices can piovide
impoitant suppoit foi many topics. These souices can include newspapeis,
magazines, and souices you discovei in the libiaiy oi on the Inteinet.
77 -
If you use a computei, these stiategies can help back up youi ideas.
- Sometimes, the numbei of woids that
develop an idea can be a clue to how well developed the idea is. Most woid-
piocessing piogiams will tally the numbei of woids you have wiitten. If
you aie using Miciosoft Woid, highlight the section discussing the idea in
question. Then go to Tools" in the menu bai and then Woid Count." You
will be given the numbei of woids in the document oi in a section you
highlight. Although the woid count is not by itself a ieliable indication of
suffcient suppoit, it does offei one measuie foi you to considei.
- If a passage of youi diaft needs
moie backup, tiy e-mailing that section to a ieliable ieadei and asking foi
suggestions.
- You can use the Inteinet foi ieseaich to fnd quota-
tions, statistics, facts, and infoimed opinions to help back up youi points.
Type youi topic into youi favoiite seaich engine to locate ielevant Web
pages.
Check Vocabula Review`s website at vocabula.com/VRlinks.htm to
locate magazines, jouinals, and news souices that can be helpful.
Visit fndaiticles.com to locate magazine aiticles about youi topic.
N -M
7
I don`t know how to end."
magine that you go to the movies and pay eight dollais to see the latest
action flm. The beginning is wondeiful-youìe on the edge of youi
seat. The middle is veiy exciting-youìe completely caught up in the plot.
Then the ending comes-and it`s awful. When you walk out of the theatei,
you piobably do not talk about how good the beginning and middle weie.
Instead, you piobably complain about how bad the ending was. Why:
Because endings foim the last impiession a peison has, the one that is most
iemembeied.
Youi conclusion foims youi ieadei`s fnal impiession. If youi ending is
weak, no mattei how stiong the iest of youi wiiting is, youi ieadei will feel
let down. If you have tiouble ending youi wiiting, tiy the stiategies in this
chaptei.
78 B
Ideas in the conclusion aie emphasized because of theii placement at the
end, wheie they aie most likely to be iemembeied. Theiefoie, the conclu-
sion can be a good place to state the signifcance of youi point. Foi exam-
ple, say you aie telling the stoiy of the time you weie cut fiom the junioi
high basketball team. Youi conclusion can explain the signifcance of the
event:
- - -- -
- -
- - - K
-
79
Summaiizing youi main points is a seivice to youi ieadei if you have wiit-
ten a long essay oi one with complex ideas. Aftei ieading a long oi com-
plicated piece of wiiting, a ieadei appieciates a ieview. Howevei, if youi
essay is shoit oi if the ideas aie easily giasped, a summaiy would be a boi-
ing iehash of pieviously coveied mateiial.
80 -- --
If you aie wiiting to peisuade youi ieadei to think oi act in a ceitain way,
you can close by explaining what would happen if youi ieadei did not fol-
low youi iecommendation.
Assume, foi example, that you aie wiiting to convince youi ieadei that
a diug education piogiam should be instituted in the local elementaiy
school. Aftei giving youi ieasons, you could close like this:
- - --
A - -
- -- - A
-- -- - -
-- -
81 -
Anything placed at the end of youi wiiting is emphasized. Theiefoie, you
can conclude with youi most impoitant point, the one you want undei-
scoied in youi ieadei`s mind. Foi example, if you aie explaining the dif-
feiences between child-ieaiing piactices of today and those of ffty yeais
ago, you could end like this:
- -
- B - - K- - --
- B - -- -
- - -B -
- - K- - -
-- - - - -
- -
- -
82 - -- --
Repetition is effective foi judicious emphasis, but iepetition is boiing and
annoying if it is unnecessaiy. Thus, if you decide to close by iestating youi
thesis, be suie the iestatement is effective emphasis iathei than boiing iep-
etition. Also, avoid iestating in the same language you used pieviously.
Restate the thesis a way.
83 - -
You can conclude by stating a iemedy to a pioblem youi essay discusses,
oi by calling youi ieadei to action. Foi example, if you aie wiiting about
the ieason foi declining eniollment at youi local public school, you can
suggest a couise of action in the conclusion:
-- -
- - - --
- -- - -- -
- -
-- - - -
- B - --
- - -- - - -- -
- B-
- -
N K M
84 - -
You can leave youi ieadei thinking about youi thesis if you close with a
suitable question. Take, foi example, the following conclusion foi a lettei
to the editoi aiguing against iaising the speed limit on state ioutes:
- - - - - - -
- - - -- -
- - --
- -
- - -
85
Sometimes you can close effectively by looking ahead to a time beyond
youi wiiting. Say you aie explaining the benefts and diawbacks of pui-
chasing goods on the Inteinet. You could close by looking to the futuie,
like this:
- - - B
- B - - -
-- - - --
B- - -
B- - - --
- - - - - -
-- -- --
- -- -
-- -
86 -
You can combine any two oi moie appioaches to cieate a stiong fnish. Foi
example, you can summaiize main points and then make a iecommenda-
tion, oi you can iestate youi thesis and then ask a question.
87
If you have tiouble with youi conclusion, keep it shoit. Although you do
not want to end abiuptly, do not take something that is a pioblem and
stietch it out longei than necessaiy. A peifectly effective ending can be only
one oi two sentences.
88 -
You can tiy the following stiategies if you compose at the computei:
- E-mail youi diaft a conclusion to thiee ieliable iead-
eis, and ask each one what he oi she suggests foi an appioach to the end-
ing. You might like one oi moie of the ideas.
Divide youi scieen in half, and wiite two endings.
Use two diffeient appioaches, each in its own scieen. Compaie the two
appioaches and decide which woiks bettei.
- Geoige Mason Univeisity`s Wiiting Centei offeis an
online handout on intioductions and conclusions that explains conclud-
ing stiategies wiiteis should avoid: gmu.edu/depaitments/wiitingcen
tei/handouts/intiocon.html.
N K M
8
I can`t think of the iight woid."
ouìe wiiting along, and just as youi confdence begins to suige-
wham! Youìe stuck because you can`t think of the iight woid. You tiy
all the usual techniques-chewing on the end of youi pencil to squeeze
the woid into the tip, iubbing youi foiehead to massage the woid into youi
biain, and staiing at the computei scieen to will the woid to appeai-but
nothing helps. Soon it`s a mattei of piide, and you iefuse to budge until
you think of the woid that`s luiking annoyingly just at the tip of youi
tongue. The next thing you know, ffteen minutes have passed, you have
made no piogiess, and you aie fiustiated.
The next time the woid you need escapes you, avoid fiustiation with
the techniques in this chaptei.
89
You may be stiaining foi an oveily sophisticated" style, a style you think
will impiess the ieadei. As a iesult, woids escape you because you aie seek-
ing ones that weie nevei a natuial pait of youi vocabulaiy in the fist place.
Retuin to a moie natuial style, and woids should come moie easily.
Attempting to iuminate hei moining nouiishment
while simultaneously communicating the events that
tianspiied, Emma began to choke on hei victuals.
Tiying to tell what happened at the same time she was
eating bieakfast, Emma began to choke.
90 -
stands foi `m iying o -ay." When you cannot fnd the iight woid,
stop foi a moment and say to youiself, I`m tiying to say ."
Imagine youiself explaining what you mean to a fiiend, and fll in the blank
with the woid oi woids you would speak to that fiiend. Then wiite the
woid oi woids in youi diaft. You may use seveial woids oi even a sentence
to fll in the blank when oiiginally you weie only seeking a single woid.
That`s fne.
91 - -
-
If you cannot take one path, then take an alteinate ioute to youi destina-
tion. If you cannot think of the iight woid, tiy using a phiase oi a whole
sentence to expiess youi idea instead.
92 -
If you cannot think of the woid that is on the tip of youi tongue, then ask
aiound. To anyone who will listen, just say, Hey, what`s the woid foi
:" Wiiteis aie always glad to help each othei.
93 -
You may not be able to think of the iight woid because you aie not ceitain
about what you want to say. To claiify youi thinking, tiy thiee minutes of
fieewiiting, focusing on the idea you want the woid to convey. (Fieewiit-
ing is explained in Chaptei 1.) Aftei the fieewiiting, tiy again to come up
with the woid. You may fnd you can do so when you have a bettei undei-
standing of what you want to expiess.
94
When you aie diafting, nevei let any tiouble spot pievent youi piogiess.
If aftei a minute you cannot think of the iight woid, then leave a blank
space and push on. You can ietuin to considei the pioblem again when
you ievise. When you ietuin, the woid may suiface, and the pioblem will
be solved. If not, you can tiy the othei stiategies in this chaptei.
95 - B -
Some people have tiouble fnding the iight woids because they think good
wiiting uses woids like -, -, , --, and
--.
The tiuth is that good wiiting is cleai, simple, and specifc. You do not
need the high-own, ffty-dollai woids. Instead of --, use
-.
96 - -- -
The thesauius and dictionaiy aie excellent tools foi wiiteis seeking the
iight woid. In fact, you may want to invest in a haidback and papeiback
veision of each of these iesouices. Keep the haidbacks on youi wiiting
desk, and caiiy the papeibacks aiound with you. A woid of caution: be
suie you undeistand the connotation (secondaiy meaning) of any woid
you diaw fiom these souices. Foi example, - and may mean the
same thing on one level, but because of theii connotations, a peison would
iathei be called than -. If you do not undeistand the connota-
tions of a woid, you can misuse it oi offend youi ieadei.
97 - -
Tiy the following stiategies if you compose at the computei.
- -- Many woid-piocessing piogiams come with
a built-in thesauius, oi you can puichase an add-on thesauius. Such a pio-
giam can be handy, but be suie you undeistand the meaning of any woid
you take fiom this souice.
Visit one of these websites to have a new woid and
its meaning e-mailed to you each day:
N K M
woidsmith.oig
vocabvitamins.com
m-w.com
- Expand youi choice of woids by tiying the following
websites:
If you like visual iepiesentations, check out the Visual Thesauius at
visualthesauius.com/online/index.jsp. This website uses maps to show the
ielationships between woids and meanings.
Foi an online thesauius, you can visit the Meiiiam-Webstei website
at m-w.com.
is a webzine about woids. To see what it offeis,
visit takeouiwoid.com.
Foi help with vocabulaiy building, visit woidfocus.com.
P A R T
3
to Revising
iist diafts - have pioblems-that`s why they aie also called
-. Howevei, even the most tioubled fist diaft gives you mateiial
to shape, iefne, and impiove. When you evaluate youi fist diaft to detei-
mine what to change and when you make those changes, you aie -.
To ievise, considei youi content, oiganization, and expiession of ideas. Do
not woiiy about giammai, spelling, capitalization, oi punctuation just yet.
9
I thought my diaft was bettei
than this."
ou`ve just placed the fnal peiiod at the end of the last sentence of youi
fist diaft, and youìe feeling pioud of youiself. So you lean back, put
youi feet up on the desk, and stait to ieiead the masteipiece. As you iead,
howevei, youi masteipiece doesn`t seem neaily as good as you thought it
was. Does this mean you have to stait ovei: Piobably not. Instead, tiy some
of the suggestions in this chaptei.
98 -
Remembei, a fist diaft is called a diaft because youi fist attempt is
supposed to have pioblems-even lots of them. Do not expect too much
too soon. Instead, iealize youi fist pass is bound to be iough, ioll up youi
sleeves, and get in theie and ievise.
99
Befoie deciding about the quality of youi diaft, put it aside foi a while to
iegain youi objectivity. The longei you stay away, the bettei; but walk away
foi at least seveial houis-foi a day if you have the time. When you ietuin
to youi diaft and ieiead it, you may discovei potential that you oveilooked
pieviously.
100
Sometimes wiiteis aie too haid on themselves. Instead of iecognizing the
potential in theii diafts, they see only the iough spots. As a iesult, they
become fiustiated and stait ovei unnecessaiily. Befoie deciding about the
quality of youi diaft, shaie it with seveial people whose judgment you
tiust. Ask what they like and what they want to heai moie about. Youi
ieadeis` comments may ieveal how much potential youi diaft has. (Foi
moie on ieadei iesponse, see Chaptei 11.)
101 -
Youi diaft may seem woise than it is if it is messy, wiitten in sloppy hand-
wiiting, wiitten in pencil, oi wiitten on papei iipped out of a spiial note-
book. In shoit, the appeaiance of the diaft may affect youi evaluation of
it. To judge the woith of youi diaft moie ieliably, ask someone to iead it
to you. You may heai sections that aie stiongei than you iealized.
102 -

Identify two changes that will make youi diaft bettei, and you may iecog-
nize how much potential youi diaft has. If you think it will help you judge
youi diaft bettei, make those changes and decide how you feel about
youi diaft.
103
-
Wiiting a second diaft without looking at the fist is often successful
because you manage to ietain the best paits of the fist diaft, eliminate the
weakest paits, and add some new, effective mateiial. The key is to avoid
checking the fist diaft while wiiting the second.
A Tioubleshooting Guide to Revising
104 - -
Often we must discovei what we do want to do befoie we discovei what
we want to do; sometimes we must leain what we do befoie we
aie cleai about what we do. If you must begin again, do not be dis-
couiaged. Youi fist diaft was not a waste of youi time-it was giound-
woik that paved the way foi youi most iecent effoit.
105
If you must begin again, tiy to salvage something. Peihaps you can use the
same appioach to youi intioduction, oi some of youi examples, oi one
main idea. While it is tempting to iip the diaft to shieds and begin anew,
you may not have to begin at squaie one. Some of youi woik may be usable
in youi new diaft.
106 -
Yes, wiiteis stait ovei all the time, but wiiteis do not usually have an
unlimited amount of time to woik within. At some point, you must foice
youiself to push foiwaid, even if you aie not completely comfoitable with
the status of youi fist diaft. When time is iunning out, do the best you
can with what you have and be satisfed that you have met youi deadline.
107 - - --
Computeis can help wiiteis ievise effciently. Considei the following
stiategies.
Computei scieens display a small
poition of youi diaft, making it haid to get a good oveiview. To decide
about the stiengths and weaknesses of youi diaft, piint out a copy and iead
that.
- You may be tempted to hit the delete key, especially if
you decide to stait ovei, but iesist the impulse. In a sepaiate sciaps" fle,
save youi fist diaft and any mateiial you decide to omit. If you change
N - -M
youi mind latei and want to use the mateiial, you will have it. If you aie
using Miciosoft Woid, you can save eveiy veision of youi diaft by click-
ing on File" in the menu bai and then Veisions."
- Foi some questions to help you evaluate youi diaft,
visit the Paiadigm Online Wiiting Assistant at powa.oig. Click on
Revising."
10
I don`t know what to change."
ood news! You fnished youi fist diaft, and you aie ieady to dig in
and make all those changes that will impiove youi wiiting. So you
iead youi diaft-but wait a minute, eveiything seems fne. undeistand
what you mean; eveiything seems cleai and well developed to you. In fact,
you can`t fguie out what changes to make and what all the ievision fuss is
about. The suggestions in this chaptei can help.
108
Befoie ievising, put youi diaft aside foi a day oi longei if possible. Getting
away fiom youi wiiting gives you a chance to iegain youi objectivity so
that when you ietuin to ievise, you can identify necessaiy changes moie
ieadily.
109 - B
As the wiitei, you may have no tiouble fguiing out what you meant when
you wiote all those woids, but that does not guaiantee that youi ieadei
will have an easy time of it. To ievise successfully, view youi diaft as a
ieadei would, and make changes to meet youi ieadei`s needs. Diffeient
ieadeis will place diffeient demands on a wiitei. Foi example, assume you
aie wiiting to convince youi ieadei to vote foi a school levy that will
inciease piopeity taxes. If youi audience is someone with childien in the
school system, explaining that the additional ievenue will go towaid
enhancing the ait and music cuiiiculum may be suffciently peisuasive. If,
howevei, youi ieadei is a childless ietiied peison on a fxed income, this
aigument may not be veiy convincing. Instead, you may need to explain
that bettei schools will cause the ieadei`s home to inciease in value so the
iesale piice becomes highei.
To evaluate youi detail fiom youi ieadei`s point of view, constiuct a
ieadei piofle by answeiing the following ten questions:
1. How much education does my ieadei have:
2. What aie my ieadei`s age, sex, iace, nationality, and ieligion:
3. What aie my ieadei`s occupation and socioeconomic level:
4. What pait of the countiy does my ieadei live in: Does my ieadei
live in an uiban oi iuial aiea:
5. What is my ieadei`s political affliation:
6. How familiai is my ieadei with my topic:
7. What does my ieadei need to know to appieciate my point of view:
8. How iesistant will my ieadei be to my point of view:
9. How haid will I have to woik to cieate inteiest in my topic:
10. Does my ieadei have any special hobbies, inteiests, oi conceins that
will affect how my essay is viewed: Is my ieadei chiey conceined
with money: caieei: the enviionment: society: ieligion: family:
Aftei answeiing these questions, ieview youi diaft with an eye towaid pio-
viding details suited to youi ieadei`s unique makeup.
110
Asking the following questions as you study youi diaft can help you think
like youi ieadei and identify necessaiy changes:
Is theie any place wheie my ieadei might lose inteiest:
Is theie any place wheie my ieadei might not undeistand what I
mean:
Is theie any place wheie my ieadei is not likely to be convinced of
the tiuth of my topic sentence oi thesis:
111 -
Desciibing youi diaft paiagiaph by paiagiaph can help you analyze its
stiengths and weaknesses. To do this, summaiize the content of the fist
paiagiaph; then explain how that paiagiaph meets youi audience`s needs
and how it helps you achieve youi puipose foi wiiting. Next, summaiize
the content of the second paiagiaph; then explain how that paiagiaph
meets youi audience`s needs and youi puipose. Continue in this fashion
until you have desciibed each paiagiaph. Read youi desciiptions to iden-
tify points that stiay fiom youi thesis, ideas that need moie development,
and paiagiaphs that fail to meet a ieadei`s needs oi youi puipose.
112
If you handwiote youi diaft, type it, piint it out, and iead it ovei. Piob-
lems you oveilook in youi own handwiiting aie moie appaient in type
because the copy iesembles piinted mateiial iathei than youi own handi-
woik. As a iesult, it can be easiei to be objective about the wiiting. Also,
some mistakes may leap out at you. Foi example, a paiagiaph that ian the
bettei pait of a page in youi handwiitten copy may tuin out to be only
thiee typed lines-a visual signal that moie detail may be needed.
113 -
Often, you can heai pioblems that you oveilook visually. Foi this ieason,
you should iead youi diaft out loud at least once. Be suie to go slowly, and
be caieful to iead what is on the page. If you iead quickly, you aie
likely to iead what you to wiite iathei than what you actually
wiite.
Some wiiteis do well if they iead theii diafts into a iecoidei. Then they
play back the iecoiding to listen foi pioblems. Still othei wiiteis piefei to
N K M
have othei people iead theii diafts to them. Sometimes, anothei peison`s
voice helps the wiitei pick up on pioblems.
114 -
One way to deteimine if you have suppoited youi points is to go thiough
youi diaft and undeiline eveiy main idea. Then check to see what appeais
aftei each undeilined point. If one undeilined point is immediately fol-
lowed by anothei undeilined point, you have not suppoited a main idea.
Similaily, if an undeilined idea is followed by only one oi two sentences,
you should considei whethei you have enough suppoit. Foi stiategies foi
suppoiting points, see Chaptei 6.
115
A good way to deteimine if youi ideas follow logically one to the next is to
outline youi diaft wiiting it. If you have points that do not ft into the
outline at the appiopiiate spots, you have discoveied an oiganization
pioblem.
116 - -
When you ievise, you have a gieat deal to considei. To considei it all, ievise
in stages, using one of the following patteins:
- Fiist make all the easy changes, take a bieak, and then
make the moie diffcult changes. Take a bieak whenevei you become tiied
oi when you get stuck. Making the easy changes fist helps you build
enough momentum to caiiy you thiough the haidei changes.
- Make some of youi moie diffcult changes, take a bieak,
make some moie of youi diffcult changes, take anothei bieak, and con-
tinue with the haidei changes, taking bieaks as needed. When you have
fnished the moie diffcult changes, tackle the easiei ones. Some wiiteis like
the psychological lift that comes fiom getting the haid changes out of the
way.
Revise youi fist paiagiaph until it is as
peifect as you can make it, and then go on to the next paiagiaph. Pioceed
paiagiaph by paiagiaph, taking a bieak aftei eveiy paiagiaph oi two.
-- Fiist make all youi
content changes: adequate detail, ielevant detail, specifc detail, claiity, and
suitable intioduction and conclusion. Then take a bieak and check the
oiganization: logical oidei of ideas, effective thesis, and cleai topic sen-
tences. Take anothei bieak and ievise foi sentence effectiveness: effective
woid choice, smooth ow, and helpful tiansitions.
117 -
To judge the effectiveness of youi opening and closing, type up these paits
sepaiately, and give them to two oi thiee people to iead. Ask them whethei
they would be inteiested in ieading something with that beginning and
ending.
118
To help them decide what and how to ievise, wiiteis often ask ieliable iead-
eis to iead theii diafts and make suggestions. If you want to considei the
opinions of ieadeis when you make ievision decisions, iefei to the stiate-
gies in Chaptei 11.
119 -
To be moie objective about youi woik, pietend you aie someone else. Read
youi diaft as the judge of a contest who will awaid you $10,000 foi a
piizewinning essay. Oi become the editoi of a magazine who is deciding
what changes to make in the diaft befoie publishing the piece. Oi iead it
as youi woist enemy, someone who loves to fnd fault with youi woik.
N K M
120 - - -
Some wiiteis like to use a ievising checklist such as the following one. The
checklist keeps you fiom oveilooking some of the ievision conceins. In
addition, you can combine this checklist with ieadei iesponses by asking
a ieliable ieadei to apply the checklist to youi diaft. (The chapteis in
paientheses iefei you to the ielevant paits of this book.)
1. Does youi wiiting have a cleai thesis, eithei stated oi implied, that
accuiately piesents youi focus: (Chaptei 2)
2. Aie all youi main points, including youi thesis, adequately
suppoited: (Chaptei 6)
3. Have you avoided stating the obvious: (Chaptei 15)
4. Does youi opening cieate inteiest in youi topic: (Chaptei 5)
5. Does youi conclusion piovide a satisfying ending: (Chaptei 7)
1. Do youi ideas follow logically one to the next: (Chaptei 12)

2. Do youi paiagiaphs follow logically one to the next: (Chaptei 12)
3. Have you used tiansitions to show how ideas ielate to each othei:
(Chaptei 12)
--
1. When you iead youi woik aloud, does eveiything sound all iight:
(Chaptei 9)
2. Have you avoided woidiness: (Chaptei 14)
3. Have you eliminated clichs (oveiwoiked expiessions):
(Chaptei 15)
4. Have you used specifc woids: (Chaptei 15)
5. Did you use a vaiiety of sentence openeis: (Chaptei 16)
6. Have you used the active voice: (Chaptei 15)
7. Have you used action veibs iathei than foims of : (Chaptei 15)
8. Have you used paiallel stiuctuies: (Chaptei 16)
121 - --
When youi instincts tell you that something is wiong, assume you have a
pioblem. Even if you cannot give the pioblem a name, and even if you aie
not yet suie what change should be made, you have identifed something
that needs to be iewoiked. Most of the time, a wiitei`s instincts aie coiiect.
122
Sometimes wiiteis have tiouble deciding what to change because they get
bogged down checking commas, spelling, fiagments, and the like. Con-
ceins such as these, howevei, aie matteis of coiiectness and aie best dealt
with latei, duiing editing. Duiing ievision, focus on content, oiganization,
and effective expiession. Do not be distiacted by editing conceins too eaily
in the wiiting piocess.
123 -
-
If you ievise at the computei, considei the following tips.
When you view the text on the
scieen, you see small poitions at a time, so you don`t get a good oveiview
of youi wiiting.
- Woid-piocessed mateiial looks
veiy piofessional because it is so neat and well foimatted. Do not let the
appeaiance of youi diaft fool you into thinking that no changes aie
needed.
N K M
- If you tend to oveiuse ceitain
woids, use Miciosoft Woid`s fnd-and-ieplace command to check how
many times you have used those woids. Foi example, if you oveiuse ,
type veiy" into the Find" and Replace" boxes. Then click on
Replace All," and Miciosoft Woid will count the numbei of times you
have used that woid to help you judge whethei you have used it too much.
(Nothing will be ieplaced.)
B - - - - If you
keep youi ieadei piofle and ievision checklist as fles, you can consult
them each time you ievise. If youi computei allows you to split youi
scieen, place the checklist oi piofle in a window to iefei to as you ievise.
- Foi helpful infoimation on how to ievise, visit this
Univeisity of Texas Web page: utexas.edu/student/utlc/handouts/1234
.html.
11
What if I want some
constiuctive ciiticism:"
etting constiuctive ciiticism can be a ciucial pait of the wiiting pio-
cess. That`s why you so often heai a wiitei say, Read this and tell me
what you think." Because the opinion of ieadeis is so valuable to wiiteis,
this chaptei explains stiategies foi secuiing helpful ieadei iesponse.
124 - -
Be suie the people who iead youi woik know the qualities of effective wiit-
ing. A peison who iaiely ieads oi wiites may not be a good choice. Also
be suie that youi ieadeis aie comfoitable giving constiuctive ciiticism; do
not use someone who is ieluctant to tell you if something is wiong.
125 -
Make youi ieadei`s job as easy as possible. If necessaiy, piint out oi wiite
a fiesh, cleai copy of youi diaft so youi ieadei can easily iead youi woik.
126 -
If you have specifc conceins about youi diaft, mention them and ask youi
ieadeis to iespond to those points. As an alteinative, give youi ieadeis a
questionnaiie like this one:
1. Can you easily tell what the thesis (focus) of my wiiting is: If so,
what is it:
2. Aie you inteiested in ieading about this: Why oi why not:
3. What do you like best about this wiiting:
4. Do any points go unpioven oi unsuppoited: If so, which ones:
5. Is theie anything you do not undeistand: If so, what:
6. Does the oidei of ideas make sense: If not, explain the pioblem.
7. Does any detail stiay fiom my focus: If so, what:
8. Does the opening engage youi inteiest: Why oi why not:
9. Is the ending satisfying: Why oi why not:
10. What advice do you have that was not coveied by the pievious
questions:
127
Ask two oi thiee ieliable ieadeis to iespond to youi diaft, and then look
foi consensus. When multiple ieadeis agiee, chances aie they aie iight. If
a ieadei makes a comment you aie unsuie about, ask anothei ieadei to
iespond to that same point so you can have anothei opinion.
128 - B - -
Readeis should do moie than point out pioblems; they should also suggest
ways to solve those pioblems. Instead of Paiagiaph 2 needs detail," a
ieadei should say, Paiagiaph 2 needs moie detail. Peihaps you could add
two examples of how schools iewaid confoimity."
129 - - -
- - ---
To ievise effectively, you need a sense of youi diaft`s stiengths weak-
nesses, so ask youi ieadeis what they like best about youi diaft and why.
130 ---
Do not assume youi ieadeis aie always coiiect. Weigh out theii iesponses
caiefully. If you need claiifcation, ask youi ieadeis why they iesponded as
they did.
131 -
- -
If you like to compose and ievise at the computei, you may like the next
stiategies.
E-mail youi diaft to ieliable ieadeis to secuie theii
ieactions. If you want them to iespond to paiticulai sections of the diaft,
boldface those sections and ask youi ieadeis to pay paiticulai attention to
those paits. Many woid-piocessing piogiams allow inseiting comments
on the diaft. Foi Miciosoft Woid, highlight the text to comment on, click
Inseit" on the menu bai and then Comment." A window appeais with
comments that have alieady been made and the name oi initials of the pei-
son who made the comment. Type youi comments next to youi name oi
initials and click on Close." Highlighting on the diaft will signal that a
comment has been made.
- Foi infoimation on how to give useful feedback to
othei wiiteis, see the Univeisity of Wisconsin-Madison`s website at wisc
.edu/wiiting/Handbook/PeeiReviews.html.
N - - -M
12
My ideas seem all mixed up."
et`s say you fnish youi diaft, and youìe feeling confdent until you
iead it ovei-oi a ieliable ieadei does-and discovei that youi ideas
do not seem connected to each othei. Eveiything is a jumble. Does this
mean youi ideas aie no good: Absolutely not. It means that when you
ievise, you should use the suggestions in this chaptei to bettei oiganize
youi wiiting.
132 -
To check the oiganization, you can outline youi diaft it is wiitten. To
do this, fll in an outline map, outline tiee, oi foimal outline with the ideas
alieady wiitten in youi diaft (see Chaptei 3). If you discovei points that
do not ft logically into a paiticulai section of the outline, you have an oiga-
nization pioblem that needs youi attention.
133 - --
Tiansitions aie woids and phiases that show how ideas ielate to each othei.
Sometimes when youi ideas seem mixed up, you just need to supply appio-
piiate tiansitions to make the connections between points moie explicit.
Considei these sentences:
K- - - - -
- --
Without a tiansitional woid oi phiase, the ieadei will not see how the ideas
in the two sentences ielate to each othei. Add a tiansition to solve this
pioblem:
K- - - -- -
- - --
The following tiansitions can help you demonstiate how youi ideas
ielate to each othei:
also in like fashion
although in othei woids
and in shoit
as a iesult in summaiy
at the same time in the same way
consequently latei
eailiei moieovei
even though neai
foi example neveitheless
foi instance now
foi this ieason on the contiaiy
fuitheimoie on the othei hand
howevei similaily
in addition then
in conclusion theiefoie
indeed thus
in fact yet
in fiont of
134 -
You can often show how ideas ielate to each othei by iepeating a key woid
oi woids, like this:
- - - -
-
135 - -
You can also demonstiate how ideas ielate to each othei by using synonyms
to iepeat a key idea, like this:
- - - -
- -
136 - -
Wiite youi thesis and each of youi main ideas on sepaiate index caids. To
expeiiment with alteinate oideis, aiiange and ieaiiange the caids until
youi ideas piogiess in the best oidei.
137 - -
If youi ideas seem mixed up, the computei can piovide assistance.
Make a copy of youi diaft in a new
fle. Then use the cut-and-paste functions to tiy youi paiagiaphs in a new
oidei.
-- - Check eveiy boldfaced topic
sentence against youi thesis to be suie each is cleaily ielated. Then check
eveiy sentence in youi body paiagiaphs to be suie each is ielevant to its
boldfaced main idea. If an idea is not ielevant, delete it oi ievise to make
it ielevant.
- Save youi diaft. Then cieate a copy of the
diaft in a new fle. Reduce this copy to an outline by identifying in each
paiagiaph the majoi idea and the majoi suppoiting details; stiip eveiy-
thing else fiom each paiagiaph (using the delete key oi a block eiase), leav-
ing just the sentences that give the main ideas and majoi suppoiting details.
Next, identify youi thesis sentence and wiite it at the top of youi out-
line. Now use Roman and Aiabic numeials, as well as capital and lowei-
case letteis, to sequence the iemaining sentences following the thesis
N - - M
sentence into a foimal outline. Study this outline and make any necessaiy
adjustments.
Once you have made and adjusted the outline, you can place it in a win-
dow, then iecall the oiiginal diaft, and ievise it accoiding to the outline.
Oi you can piint the outline and use it as a ievision guide.
- To view an example of a foimal outline, visit this Web
page fiom the Lloyd Sealy Libiaiy of the City Univeisity of New Yoik:
lib.jjay.cuny.edu/ieseaich/outlining.html.
Foi infoimation on wiiting effective tiansitions, visit the following page
fiom the website of the Wiiting Centei at the Univeisity of Noith Caiolina
at Chapel Hill: unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/tiansitions.html.
13
My diaft is too shoit."
ou think you have enough ideas to get undei way, so you stait diaft-
ing. Then you come to the end and place a peiiod aftei youi last sen-
tence. You look back ovei youi woik and come to the disheaitening
iecognition that youi diaft is much too shoit, and you have alieady said
eveiything you can think of. What do you do: No, you do not thiow youi-
self in fiont of a high-speed tiain. Instead, tiy one of the stiategies in this
chaptei.
138 -
Undeiline eveiy majoi point in youi diaft. Then check to see how much
you have wiitten aftei each undeilined point. If one undeilined point is
immediately followed by anothei undeilined point, you have neglected to
develop an idea. Adding detail aftei one oi moie of youi majoi points can
solve youi length pioblem. (See Chaptei 6 foi ways to add detail.)
When you add detail, do not state the obvious oi piovide unielated
infoimation, oi you will be guilty of padding-that is, wiiting useless
mateiial just to bulk up the piece. Padding iiiitates ieadeis by iequiiing
them to iead unnecessaiy mateiial.
Assume that you aie explaining how schools fostei competition, iathei
than coopeiation, in students. If you say that schools have students com-
pete foi giades, compete foi positions on spoits teams, compete foi stu-
dent goveinment, compete foi scholaiships, and compete foi cheeileading,
you would be pioviding helpful examples to illustiate youi point. How-
evei, if you give a dictionaiy defnition of as the act of stiug-
gling to win some piize, honoi, oi advantage," you would be padding youi
essay with infoimation youi ieadei alieady knows.
139
If youi diaft is too shoit, you may be youi ieadei things aie tiue
without - that they aie tiue. Remembei to show, don`t just tell."
Considei the following:
- -
- B
The pievious sentences aie an example of telling without showing. Heie is
a ievision with detail added to -:
- -
- -
-
- - - -
- - -
- - -
- --
- -- A - -
- - B
- -- - - -
- -
- - - - -
- -
140 -
Desciiption can add inteiest and liveliness, and it can help youi ieadei foim
cleai mental images. To esh out an essay, look foi oppoitunities to
desciibe a peison oi scene. Foi moie on desciiption, see Chaptei 6.
141 -
Examples claiify matteis and make things moie specifc. As you woik to
lengthen a diaft, look foi geneial statements that can be illustiated with a
well-chosen example oi two. Foi moie on examples, see Chaptei 6.
142
Sometimes you can enliven an essay by adding the woids that weie spo-
ken. Considei the following paiagiaph:
- - -
- - B -
- - -
- -- B

Notice, now, how much moie full-bodied the paiagiaph is with the addi-
tion of dialogue:
- - -
- - B N K - M
- - - - - N - M
- B - -- -
- - - -
N B K M - B-
- - --
B
143 B
In addition to stating an idea, explain its impoitance, impact, oi meaning.
Foi example, assume you aie aiguing that the pioposed site foi the new
state piison on the noith end of town is not a good choice. You could
explain the signifcance of the choice of site:
N - -M
- - - - --
- - - - -
- - -- - --
-- -- -
- B --- - -- -
144
Ask someone with good judgment about wiiting to ieview youi diaft and
suggest wheie and what kind of detail is needed. Foi a detailed discussion
of using a ieliable ieadei, see Chaptei 11.
145
Youi diaft may be too shoit because you began wiiting befoie you genei-
ated enough ideas to wiite about. If you have a favoiite idea-geneiation
technique, tiy it now. If it lets you down, tiy one oi moie of the othei tech-
niques desciibed in Chaptei 1.
146 --
Study youi thesis to see if it too seveiely limits the teiiitoiy you can covei.
If so, bioaden the thesis a bit so you can covei moie giound and theieby
inciease the length of youi diaft. Let`s say youi diaft has this thesis:
- - - -- -
If you have exhausted eveiything you can say about how high school ath-
letics teaches self-ieliance, and you have tiied all the techniques in this
chaptei, considei expanding youi thesis to allow discussion of othei points:
- - - -- - -
- - - -
Now you can expand the diaft by discussing two advantages of high school
athletics iathei than one.
A woid of caution is in oidei heie: do not get caiiied away when you
expand youi thesis, oi you will be foiced into coveiing too much teiiitoiy.
Considei how diffcult it would be to piovide an adequately detailed dis-
cussion of this expanded thesis:
- - - --
- - - -
-- -
A piece of wiiting with this thesis will fail in one of two ways. Eithei the
wiiting will be so long that the ieadei will feel oveiwhelmed, oi it will pio-
vide only supeifcial tieatment of the main points.
147 -

The following computei stiategies can help you lengthen a diaft.
- - Befoie each of youi
main points, piess the inseit key and hit the space bai fve times to cieate
a visual sepaiation between each main point and its explanatoiy details.
The sepaiation will help you study each point and its suppoit individually
to deteimine if you can add an example, stoiy, dialogue, oi desciiption.
Aftei making youi additions, iejoin youi sentences to foim a longei diaft.
- Many piogiams allow you to do a woid count. If
you aie using Miciosoft Woid, click on Tools" in the menu bai and then
Woid Count" to deteimine how close you aie to youi desiied oi optimal
length. You can also highlight an individual paiagiaph to count its woids
if you like.
- Examples aie an excellent way to claiify points and add
details. Visit the Capital Community College website foi helpful infoima-
tion on using examples at ccc.commnet.edu/giammai/composition
/examples.htm.
N - -M
14
My diaft is too long."
eihaps you aie inspiied and wiite page aftei page aftei page aftei
page-all the while feeling gieat because you have so much to say.
Unfoitunately, longei is not necessaiily bettei. Youi ieadei`s time is valu-
able, so keep youi wiiting to a length that will not unduly tax youi audi-
ence. If youi diaft is too long, tiy the stiategies given heie.
148 --
Look foi ways to naiiow the scope of youi thesis. If youi thesis spieads
ovei too much teiiitoiy, you will be foiced to covei too many points, and
the iesult will be a veiy long piece of wiiting. Considei this thesis:
- - B
-
To discuss television, movie, and book violence in adequate detail would
iequiie many, many pages. A moie manageable piece of wiiting would
iesult fiom a thesis like this:
- -
149 -- -
Be suie you aie not making unnecessaiy points. Foi example, assume you
aie wiiting a iepoit on the mutual funds that piovide the best ietiiement
income. If you aie wiiting foi youi boss, who is an investment bankei, it
would be silly to defne the teim -. Howevei, in a newspapei
aiticle foi ieadeis who may not know what mutual funds aie, a defnition
would be helpful. Similaily, if you aie compaiing two kinds of bicycles,
you should not mention that both have two tiies, as this would be stating
the obvious.
150
Even if you outlined befoie diafting, outline youi diaft aftei you wiite it.
Then check the outline to be suie you aie not iepeating points oi includ-
ing iiielevant details. Be suie all youi details aie ielevant to both the topic
and the asseition expiessed in youi thesis.
151 --
Eliminate woidiness in the following ways:
1. Eliminate iepetition.
My biggest pioblem and concein was how to pay next
month`s ient. (Pioblem and concein aie iepetitious.)
My biggest pioblem was how to pay next month`s ient.
My biggest concein was how to pay next month`s ient.
2. Eliminate deadwood (woids that add no meaning).

- - -
- -
--- ---
I cannot concentiate unless I am alone by myself.
I cannot concentiate unless I am alone.
I cannot concentiate unless I am by myself.
3. Paie down woidy phiases.

-
-
-
-
- -
At this point in time, I do not think we can affoid the iate
inciease.
I do not think we can affoid the iate inciease now.
4. Reduce the numbei of phiases.
The shoitage of skilled laboi in this countiy points to the
need foi a gieatei numbei of vocational education piogiams.
This countiy`s skilled laboi shoitage points to a needed
inciease in vocational education piogiams.
5. Reduce the numbei of that" clauses.
The iepoiteis asked the senatoi to iepeat the explanation
that she gave eailiei.
The iepoiteis asked the senatoi to iepeat hei eailiei
explanation.
152 -
Check youi opening and closing to be suie one oi both aie not oveily long.
Remembei, these paits aie meant only to pave the way foi youi main dis-
cussion and wiap things up at the end.
N - M
153 -
The following suggestions can help you fnd ways to shoiten a diaft.
- Hit the entei key aftei each sentence to iefoi-
mat youi wiiting into a list of sentences. With youi sentences listed, you
may fnd it easiei to check them foi woidiness.
- Highlight each paiagiaph sepaiately, and use the
woid count featuie to deteimine the numbei of woids in each paiagiaph.
If one paiagiaph is signifcantly longei than the otheis, check it foi iiiele-
vant detail.
- - Use the fnd function to locate each
of these woids: , -, , -. If you judge they should be cut, do so.
- To leain moie about woidiness and how to eliminate
it, visit the Puidue Wiiting Centei website: http://owl.english.puidue.edu.
Type woidiness" into the seaich box.
15
My wiiting seems boiing."
couldn`t put it down!" A ieal page-tuinei!" A must-iead!" No, these

aie not the exclamations people must make about youi wiiting, but you
do have a iesponsibility to hold youi ieadei`s inteiest. If youi diaft seems
boiing, tiy the stiategies desciibed in this chaptei to impiove youi detail
and style.
154 - B -
To add inteiest, ieplace geneial woids with moie specifc ones. Heie aie
two sentences. The fist has geneial woids, which aie undeilined; the sec-
ond has specifc woids, which aie also undeilined. Which sentence is moie
inteiesting:
- The cai went down the stieet.
B - The ied Coivette stieaked down Dovei Avenue.
You piobably found the second sentence moie inteiesting because of its
moie specifc woid choice.
The following table will give you a cleaiei idea of the diffeience between
geneial and specifc woids:
B

-
-
--
-
-
K- --
-
-
-
- -
- -

-
155 -
To give youi wiiting moie eneigy, iewiite sentences so that theii subjects
peifoim the actions indicated by the veibs. Then youi sentences will be in
the . Heie is an example:
-
-- negotiated - - N
M
When the subject does not peifoim the veib`s action (putting the sen-
tence in the -- ), the sentence has less eneigy:
- -
- N M -
negotiated
156 - - - to Be
Foims of (e.g., , -, , -, ) have less eneigy and inteiest
than action veibs. So when possible use action veibs, like this:
-- Mayoi Daley was always a believei in paity politics.
Mayoi Daley always believed in paity politics.
157 -
Clichs aie tiied, oveiwoiked expiessions. At one time, the expiessions
weie fiesh and inteiesting, but because of oveiuse, they have become boi-
ing. Heie is a iepiesentative sampling of clichs:
cold as ice haid as nails
fiee as a biid undei the weathei
saddei but wisei bull in a china shop
high as a kite iaining cats and dogs
last but not least in the same boat
gieen with envy the last stiaw
fiesh as a daisy smait as a whip
stiff as a boaid
To add inteiest, ieplace clichs with moie oiiginal phiasings:
When the police offcei pulled me ovei foi speeding, I was
shaking like a leaf.
- When the police offcei pulled me ovei foi speeding, I was
tiembling with anxiety.
158 - -
Stating the obvious makes wiiting boiing. Let`s say you aie aiguing that
young people should not be peimitted to watch moie than an houi of tele-
vision a day. A sentence like the following will boie a ieadei, because some
of what it says is so obvious it does not need to be said at all:
- - -
- A
- -
N -- M
To make youi wiiting moie inteiesting, eliminate obvious statements:
- A
- -
159
Including the woids people have spoken is a good way to enliven wiiting-
especially when you aie telling a stoiy-because dialogue adds inteiest and
immediacy. Foi moie on dialogue, see Chaptei 13.
160 -
Desciiption adds vitality and inteiest, so look foi oppoitunities to desciibe
something: a scene, a peison`s clothing, a facial expiession, a tone of voice,
the biightness of the sun, the feel of a handshake. The desciiption need
not be elaboiate, noi should it distiact the ieadei fiom youi main point.
Foi example, if you aie telling the stoiy of a fist encountei, some desciip-
tion can add liveliness:
- - -- - - -
- - - - - - --
- - -
- - -
- -- - - - - A
- - -- N M -
- -
161 -
Examples add inteiest because they aie specifc. Look foi oppoitunities to
follow a geneial point with an example. Foi instance, if you say that Lee is
a scatteibiain, show this by giving the example of the day Lee locked the
keys in the cai thiee times.
162
A biief stoiy can add inteiest and help establish a point by seiving as an
example. Foi instance, assume you aie explaining that being a student
a paient can get veiy complicated. Also assume that one point you make
is that the two ioles can conict with each othei. To establish this point,
you could tell the stoiy of the time youi six-yeai-old woke up sick thiee
houis befoie youi histoiy exam and you had to get hei to the doctoi,
aiiange foi a babysittei, pick up a piesciiption-and still make it to class
on time.
163 --
If youi thesis coveis too much teiiitoiy, you can be foiced into a supeif-
cial, geneial discussion-and such discussions aie boiing. Foi example,
considei this thesis:
-- -- -
A piece of wiiting that adequately coveis all piofessional spoits and all
aieas that could beneft fiom iefoim is likely to involve a supeifcial dis-
cussion, because anything in-depth will lead to a veiy long piece. If youi
thesis is too ambitious, paie it down, like this:
-- - - -- - -
- -
Now you can piovide a much moie inteiesting discussion by giving
specifcs and still have a wiitten piece of a manageable length.
164 - -

These following stiategies can help you impiove a boiing diaft.
N -- M
- - Use the fnd function to locate
each of these geneial woids: , , , , , , , ,
and -. Evaluate each, and decide whethei to ievise foi moie specifcity.
- O- If youi woid-piocessing pio-
giam includes a giammai checkei that ags pioblems, use it with caution,
as these giammai checkeis aie not always ieliable. Do not automatically
assume that a agged passage is ieally a pioblem-evaluate it youiself.
Conveisely, do not assume that unagged passages aie pioblem-fiee.
- The Puidue Univeisity Online Wiiting Lab has help-
ful infoimation on active voice and passive voice. Visit it at http:
//owl.english.puidue.edu/handouts/piint/giammai/g_actpass.html.
Foi an extensive compilation of clichs given alphabetically, visit cliche
site.com.
16
My wiiting sounds choppy."
ead this paiagiaph out loud. It sounds choppy. It does not ow. The
style seems immatuie. It sounds like it was wiitten by someone`s kid
biothei. This is my way of showing that choppiness is bad. Is it woiking:
Actually, you do not always have to iead youi woik aloud to detect chop-
piness. When you iead silently, the woids sound" in youi biain, allowing
you to heai" this pioblem. Then you can eliminate it with the techniques
desciibed in this chaptei.
165 - -
Wiiting sounds choppy when too many sentences in a iow begin the same
way. Foi example, the fist paiagiaph of this chaptei sounds choppy
because most of the sentences begin with the subject. The solution is to
mix the following sentence openings:
1. Open with a desciiptive woid (a B).
Stiangely, little Billy did not enjoy his biithday.
Confused, the stiangei asked diiections to a bus stop.
Melting, the ice foimed slushy puddles on the pavement.
2. Open with a desciiptive phiase (a B).
Despite my bettei judgment, I bought a ticket foi the iollei-coastei
iide.
Hiding in the living ioom, twelve of us waited foi the iight
moment to leap out and yell, Suipiise!"
Pleased by hei giade on the physics exam, Loietta tieated heiself to
a special dinnei.
Undei the couch, the wet dog hid fiom hei ownei.
3. Open with a - - (a dependent woid gioup with a sub-
ject and veib).
When Congiess announced its budget iefoim package, membeis of
both political paities offeied theii suppoit.
If the basketball team can ieciuit a powei foiwaid, we will have all
the ingiedients foi a winning season.
Befoie you contiibute to a chaiity, check the identifcation of the
peison iequesting the money.
4. Open with and the veib (an B).
To piotect oui iesouices, we must all iecycle.
To convince my paients to buy me a cai, I had to agiee to pay the
cai insuiance.
To gain fve pounds by the stait of wiestling season, Luis doubled
his intake of caibohydiates.
5. Open with the subject.
Losses led gains in today`s stock maiket activity.
Coivina`s goal is to become the youngest managei in the company`s
histoiy.
The cuitains weie dulled by yeais of accumulated diit.
166 --
-- aie woids and phiases that link ideas and show how they ielate
to each othei. (Tiansitions aie discussed in Chaptei 12.) One way to elim-
inate choppiness is to vaiy the placement of tiansitions.
- In addition, pioviding child caie in the
woikplace is a good idea because half
of all motheis now woik.
- Jan`s opinion, on the othei hand, is that
child-caie piogiams will cost too
much.
- Many employeis now offei day caie as
a beneft, howevei.
167 -
When you heai choppiness, look to see if you have two oi moie shoit sen-
tences in a iow. If so, combine at least two of those shoit sentences into a
longei one, using one of these woids:
and noi
because oi
but so
foi yet
-- The house was well constiucted. It
was decoiated badly.
- - The house was well constiucted,
but it was decoiated badly.
-- The police and fiefghteis both
needed money. They combined
theii iesouices in a fund-iaisei.
- - The police and fiefghteis both
needed money, so they combined
theii iesouices in a fund-iaisei.
N -- M
168 - -
- -
The following examples alteinate long and shoit sentences. As you iead
them, notice how well they ow.
The coach jumped to his feet. Although he
had been coaching foi twenty yeais, he had
nevei befoie seen such a peifectly executed
play.
- This city needs a mayoi who knows how to
deal effectively with city council and how to
tiim waste fiom the municipal budget. This
city needs Dale Davidson.
169 - -
So sentences ow smoothly, keep seiies items by putting them in
the same giammatical foim.
Coach Rico values teamwoik, spoitsmanship, and she
values effoit.
Coach Rico values teamwoik, spoitsmanship, and effoit.
The offensive television commeicial insults women,
glamoiizes diinking, and it diminishes the impoitance
of the family.
The offensive television commeicial insults women,
glamoiizes diinking, and diminishes the impoitance of
the family.
170 -
Read youi wiiting aloud with a pen in youi hand. When you heai choppi-
ness, place a check maik. Then go back and tiy the techniques desciibed
in this chaptei to impiove the ow of sentences.
171 -
The following stiategies can help you eliminate choppiness and impiove
the ow of youi sentences.
- O- Youi woid-piocessing pio-
giam`s giammai checkei will ag paiallelism pioblems. Howevei, giam-
mai checkei aie not completely ieliable, so do not assume that a agged
sentence has a pioblem-oi that an unagged sentence is satisfactoiy.
- - You can vaiy the placement of
some tiansitions by copying and pasting them at the beginning, middle, oi
end of a sentence-as needed.
- The solution, theiefoie, is to stait a block
watch and neighboihood inteivention
piogiams.
Theiefoie, the solution is to stait a block
watch and neighboihood inteivention
piogiams.
- Foi additional infoimation on paiallelism and tiansi-
tions, visit these Univeisity of Wisconsin-Madison wiiting centei Web
pages:
wisc.edu/wiiting/Handbook/CommonEiiois_Paia.html
wisc.edu/wiiting/Handbook/Tiansitions.html#addition
Foi infoimation on sentence vaiiety, visit the St. Cloud State website at
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/style/sentencev.html.
N -- M
P A R T
4
to Editing
veiyone-and I mean -makes mistakes with giammai,
spelling, punctuation, and capitalization. Fiankly, theie is nothing
wiong with making mistakes-as long as fnd and coiiect them befoie
youi does, in a piocess called . Editing is impoitant because
mistakes aie distiacting. Seiious eiiois oi fiequent mistakes can also cause
ieadeis to lose confdence in youi ability.
17
I don`t fnd my mistakes."
hen youi ieadei fnds a mistake that you oveilooked, do you smack
youiself on the foiehead and wondei, How did I miss that:" You
missed it because you didn`t use editing stiategies to help you fnd and coi-
iect eiiois. The techniques in this chaptei and the ones that follow can
solve that pioblem.
172 -
The time to (fnd and coiiect mistakes) is towaid the end of youi wiit-
ing piocess. Duiing idea geneiation, diafting, and ievising, mistakes aie
not an issue, because you aie focusing on content. If you edit duiing these
stages, you may look up the spelling of a woid that you eliminate duiing
ievision anyhow oi check a comma in a sentence that nevei makes it to the
fnal diaft. Once done with ievising, howevei, you can sciutinize youi diaft
foi eiiois.
173
By the time you aie ieady to look foi eiiois, you may not have a fiesh
enough peispective to notice mistakes. To compensate foi this, you should
leave youi wiiting foi a day to cleai youi head. When you ietuin, you will
have a shaipei eye foi spotting eiiois.
174
Go ovei youi wiiting veiy slowly. If you build up even a little speed, you
can oveilook eiiois because you will see what you to wiite iathei
than what you actually wiite. You know so well what you want to say
that you may see it on the page whethei it is theie oi not. One way to ensuie
that you move slowly is to point to each woid and punctuation maik and
study each one a second oi two. Read what you aie pointing to; do not
move youi fngei oi pen ahead of what you aie ieading, oi you will build
up speed and miss mistakes.
175 -
Place a iulei undei the fist line of youi wiiting, and examine that line foi
mistakes one woid at a time. Then diop the iulei down a line and exam-
ine that line foi mistakes. This way, you may have bettei luck fnding
eiiois-foi two ieasons. Fiist, you aie less likely to build up speed and miss
mistakes. Second, the iulei pievents the woids below the line fiom entei-
ing youi visual feld and distiacting you.
176 - --
Because handwiiting can be haid on the eyes, eiiois can be spotted moie
easily in type. Also, you can be moie objective about a woid-piocessed
copy because it seems moie like piinted mateiials-moie like someone
else`s wiiting.
177 -
Sometimes you can heai mistakes that you oveilook visually. Have some-
one iead youi diaft to you, iead it aloud to youiself, oi speak it into a
iecoidei and play it back. If you iead youi diaft to youiself oi into a
iecoidei, be suie to iead what is on the page. Remembei, wiiteis
tend to iead what they to say iathei than what they say. Also,
iemembei that some mistakes, such as ceitain misspellings, cannot be
heaid, so listening should be combined with visual editing.
A Tioubleshooting Guide to Editing
178 -
We all make mistakes, but we do not all make the - mistakes. One pei-
son may misspell woids often, anothei may wiite iun-on sentences,
anothei may have tiouble choosing the coiiect veib, and so on. Know the
kinds of mistakes you make so you can make a special effoit to locate those
eiiois.
Once you know the kinds of mistakes you make, you may also detei-
mine undei what ciicumstances you make them. Foi example, once you
discovei that you have tiouble choosing veibs, a little study of youi wiit-
ing may tell you that you have this tiouble whenevei you begin a sentence
with - oi . This is valuable infoimation because it tells you
to check the veibs in any sentences that begin with these woids.
179 - -
An editing checklist can ensuie that you aie attending to eveiything. Use
the one below, oi devise youi own checklist of eiiois you habitually make.
The iefeiences in paientheses iefei to helpful chapteis in the book.
1. Have you iead youi woik aloud to listen foi pioblems: (Chaptei
17)
2. Did you check eveiy possible misspelling in a dictionaiy oi with a
spell-checkei: (Chaptei 27)
3. Did you edit foi iun-on sentences and comma splices: (Chaptei
19)
4. Did you edit foi sentence fiagments: (Chaptei 18)
5. Did you check youi use of veibs: (Chaptei 21)
6. Did you check youi use of pionouns: (Chaptei 20)
7. Did you check youi use of modifeis: (Chaptei 22)
8. Have you checked any punctuation you aie unsuie of : (Chapteis 23
and 25)
9. Have you checked youi use of capital letteis: (Chaptei 26)
N K B --M
180 - --
Maybe you have had this expeiience: You have a feeling that something is
wiong. Howevei, you cannot give the pioblem a name, and you aie not
suie how to solve it. So you skip it and hope foi the best. Then you submit
youi wiiting, and suie enough-youi ieadei was tioubled by the same
thing you weie tioubled by. If you have had this expeiience, you leained
that youi instincts aie ieliable. Because much of what you know about lan-
guage has been inteinalized, an innei alaim may sound when you have
made a mistake. Always heed that alaim, even if you aie not suie what the
pioblem is oi how to solve it. Get help if necessaiy foi diagnosing and elim-
inating the eiioi.
181
Many wiiteis edit once foi anything they can fnd and a sepaiate time foi
each of the kinds of eiiois they tend to make.
182
When you aie unsuie about something, look it up in a giammai handbook.
If you do not own one, check one out fiom youi libiaiy oi puichase one.
183 -
You cannot edit confdently if you do not know the iules. Many people
think the giammai and usage iules aie undeistood only by English teach-
eis, but the tiuth is that anyone can leain them. Invest in a giammai hand-
book, and each time you make an eiioi, leain the appiopiiate iule.
184
Ask someone to go ovei youi wiiting to fnd mistakes that you oveilooked.
Be suie, howevei, that the peison who helps you edit is someone who
knows giammai and usage iules; otheiwise, you will not get ieliable
infoimation.
185 - --
The following techniques may help you edit with youi computei.
- Split youi scieen, and
place youi editing checklist (eithei the one in this chaptei oi one you
devise) into a window. Consult the checklist as you edit.
Refoimat youi text with foui spaces
between each line. This way, you can edit one line at a time with less text
enteiing youi visual feld to distiact you fiom the woids you aie studying.
Edit twice. The fist time thiough,
edit on the scieen, making the necessaiy changes as you go. Then piint
youi text and edit a second time on the papei copy. Entei these changes
into youi fle, and piint a fiesh copy.
- K- - Foi
example, if you habitually misuse semicolons and confuse and , fnd
eveiy semicolon, , and in youi diaft and check youi usage.
- K- O- It is not always
coiiect, so evaluate its ags and suggestions, and caiefully edit on youi
own.
- You can fnd many guides to giammai and usage
online. Heie aie some good ones:
ccc.commnet.edu/giammai
snap.com
powa.oig/edit (This website discusses the editing piocess and has
links to pages on giammai and usage.)
N K B --M
18
I used a peiiod and a
capital lettei, so why isn`t
this a sentence:"
ou can put a saddle on a donkey, but that won`t make it a hoise. Sim-
ilaily, you can stait a woid gioup with a capital lettei and end it with
a peiiod, question maik, oi exclamation point, but that won`t necessaiily
make it a sentence.
186 - -
If you punctuate a woid gioup as if it a sentence when it cannot be
one, you have wiitten a - .
then fell asleep
-
The child iolled ovei. Then fell asleep
The child iolled ovei. Then he fell asleep.
Although the election was close
-
Although the election was close The
losing candidate did not ask foi a iecount.
Although the election was close, the losing
candidate did not ask foi a iecount.
such as loyalty, cieativity, and integiity
-
Maiia has many admiiable tiaits. Such as
loyalty, cieativity, and integiity.
Maiia has many admiiable tiaits, such as
loyalty, cieativity, and integiity.
187 -
If youi diaft is ielatively shoit, stait at the beginning and place one fngei
of youi left hand undei the capital lettei. Then place a fngei of youi iight
hand undei the peiiod, question maik, oi exclamation point. Now iead the
woid gioup between youi fngeis. If it sounds as if something is missing
oi if the woid gioup cannot stand alone as a sentence, you piobably have
a sentence fiagment.
Move thiough youi entiie diaft this way, isolating woid gioups with
youi fngeis and ieading them. Each time you heai a fiagment, stop and
make the necessaiy coiiection. Some people have moie success if they iead
the woid gioups out loud.
188
Read youi last sentence; pause foi a moment to considei whethei the woid
gioup can be a sentence. Then iead the next-to-the-last sentence, again
pausing to considei. Pioceed this way until you have woiked back to the
fist sentence.
189 -ing -ed -
Sometimes sentence fiagments iesult when oi veib foims stand by
themselves. Heie aie two examples with the and veib foims
undeilined:
The kitten stietching aftei hei nap.
The child fiustiated by the complicated toy.
To coiiect fiagments that iesult when oi veibs stand alone, pick
an appiopiiate veib fiom this list and add it to the oi foim:
is was have had
aie weie has
The kittens stietching aftei theii naps.
The kittens aie stietching aftei theii naps.
The kittens weie stietching aftei theii naps.
The child fiustiated by the complicated toy.
The child is fiustiated by the complicated toy.
The child was fiustiated by the complicated toy.
To fnd fiagments that iesult when oi veibs stand alone, go
thiough youi diaft checking each and veib foim. Read the sen-
tence with the foim, and ask if a veib fiom the pieceding list is necessaiy.
Sometimes, as in the following example, an veib stand alone:
The kittens stietched aftei theii naps.
190 -
The following woids often begin sentence fiagments:
aftei as long as befoie
although as soon as especially
as as though even though
as if because foi example
N - - -K - -M
if such as whenevei
in oidei to unless wheie
since until wheievei
so that when while
Check eveiy woid gioup that begins with one of the pieceding woids oi
phiases, and make suie the sentence is complete.
Howevei, do not assume that any woid gioup that begins with one of
these fiagment-waining woids is automatically a sentence fiagment,
because sentences, too, can begin with these woids and phiases. To be suie,
iead aloud to heai whethei the woids can stand alone as a sentence.
While Rudy cleaned the house, Sue cooked dinnei.
While Rudy cleaned the house.
191 Who Whom Whose Which
Wheie
If you begin a woid gioup with , , -, , oi with-
out asking a question, you most likely have wiitten a sentence fiagment:
Who lives next dooi:
Who lives next dooi.
Whose advice have I valued ovei the yeais:
Whose advice I have valued ovei the yeais.
Look at any woid gioup that begins with , , -, , oi
, and make suie that woid gioup is asking a question. If it is not, join
the woid gioup to the sentence befoie it, as illustiated heie:
Stavios is a good fiiend. Whose advice I
have valued ovei the yeais.
Stavios is a good fiiend, whose advice I
have valued ovei the yeais.
192 -
The pievious techniques will help you locate sentence fiagments; the next
two techniques will help you eliminate fiagments once you fnd them. Keep
in mind that no one technique will woik foi eveiy fiagment, so if one coi-
iection method does not woik, tiy the othei.
Join the fiagment to a sentence befoie oi aftei it:
The custom of hat-tipping goes back
to the knights. Who would iemove
theii helmets befoie a loid.
- The custom of hat-tipping goes back
to the knights, who would iemove
theii helmets befoie a loid.
- While tiying on the cashmeie sweatei.
Molly snagged the sleeve with hei
class iing.
- While tiying on the cashmeie sweatei,
Molly snagged the sleeve with hei
class iing.
193 -- -
To eliminate a fiagment that iesults when a subject, oi all oi pait of the
veib, is left out, add the missing woid oi woids:
The auto mechanic assuied us the
iepaiis would be minoi. Then
pioceeded to list a dozen things wiong
with the cai.
The auto mechanic assuied us the
-- iepaiis would be minoi. Then he
- pioceeded to list a dozen things wiong
with the cai.
N - - -K - -M
The suigeon geneial announcing new
nutiitional guidelines.
The suigeon geneial is announcing
-- new nutiitional guidelines.
-
Police chiefs want to hiie moie offceis.
Howevei, not without additional
funds.
Police chiefs want to hiie moie offceis.
-- Howevei, they cannot do so without
- additional funds.
194 -
-
You can use youi computei to fnd and eliminate sentence fiagments.
To iefoimat youi papei into a list of sentences,
piess the entei key befoie each capital lettei that maiks the stait of a sen-
tence. With each woid gioup physically sepaiated, fnding fiagments can
be easiei. When you aie done with this aspect of editing, iefoimat youi
text to diaw eveiything back togethei.
giam has a giammai checkei, it will ag sentence fiagments. Although
these piogiams do a good job of fnding fiagments, they aie not infallible,
so double-check each agged woid gioup, and look foi fiagments the pio-
giam might have missed.
- The Guide to Giammai and Wiiting website has infoi-
mation on fiagments, and it links to exeicises you can complete foi piac-
tice. Foi moie infoimation, visit the page on fiagments at ccc.comm
net.edu/giammai/fiagments.htm.
Foi infoimation on common causes of sentence fiagments, visit St.
Cloud State Univeisity`s website at http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/punct/fiag
mentcauses.html.
19
How can this be a iun-on
oi a comma splice: It`s not
even long."
f you have a tendency to wiite iun-on sentences oi comma splices, you
aie not alone. They aie two of the most fiequently occuiiing wiiting
eiiois. Tiy the following stiategies to iesolve such eiiois.
195 - -
-
A - occuis when two woid gioups that can be sentences
( --) stand togethei without any sepaiation. A
- occuis when two woid gioups that can be sentences (independent
clauses) stand togethei with only a comma between them. Run-on sen-
tences and comma splices aie a pioblem because they blui the points wheie
sentences begin and end.
- Chaileston Haiboi is a fascinating place to visit
- many histoiical attiactions aie theie
A iun-on sentence is cieated when these independent clauses aie not
sepaiated:
- Chaileston Haiboi is a fascinating place to visit
many histoiical attiactions aie theie.
A comma splice is cieated when the two independent clauses aie sepaiated
by nothing moie than a comma:
- Chaileston Haiboi is a fascinating place to visit,
many histoiical attiactions aie theie.
196 -
--
You can sepaiate independent clauses in thiee ways:
1. With a comma and cooidinating conjunction (, , , , ,
-, ):
Chaileston Haiboi is a fascinating place to visit, foi many histoiical
attiactions aie theie.
2. With a semicolon (;):
Chaileston Haiboi is a fascinating place to visit; many histoiical
3. With a peiiod and a capital lettei:
Chaileston Haiboi is a fascinating place to visit. Many histoiical
197 -
If youi diaft is not long, study each of youi sentences sepaiately. Place one
fngei of youi left hand undei the capital lettei and one fngei of youi iight
hand undei the punctuation end maik. Then identify the numbei of inde-
pendent clauses (woid gioups that can stand as sentences) between youi
fngeis. If you have one, the sentence is fne. If you have two oi moie, be
suie you sepaiate the independent clauses as explained in the pievious
section.
198 -
Pay special attention to these woids because they often begin independent
clauses (woid gioups that can be sentences):
as a iesult fuitheimoie moieovei similaily
consequently hence neveitheless then
fnally howevei next theiefoie
foi example in addition on the contiaiy thus
Read ovei youi diaft and undeiline any of these waining woids. Then
check what is on -- of each undeilined woid. If-and only if-an
independent clause is on --, place a semicolon (not a comma)
befoie the waining woid.
199 - -
-
The stiategies that follow will help you locate iun-on sentences and comma
splices by using computei technology.
- Use the seaich function to fnd all the iun-
on waining woids (see the pieceding stiategy). Once these woids aie iden-
tifed, check foi independent clauses on both sides of these woids.
Wheievei you fnd independent clauses on -- of a waining woid,
be suie you have a semicolon befoie the woid.
- - To iefoimat youi papei into a list, piess the entei key
befoie eveiy capital lettei maiking the beginning of a sentence. This will
make it easiei to study sentences individually, following the pieceding
N - - K- M
stiategies. Aftei fnding and eliminating iun-ons and comma splices,
iefoimat youi text to biing eveiything back togethei.
- Foi infoimation on iun-ons and a piactice exeicise,
visit the City Univeisity School of New Yoik Law School`s website at
law.cuny.edu/wc/usage/iun_on_sentences.html.
20
It is I; it is me. What`s
the diffeience:"
heie you aie wiiting along, and then it happens-you have to use a
pionoun and you aie not suie which one is coiiect: Did the police off-
cei issue the waining to Lee and me oi to Lee and I: Lee and me-no, it`s
Lee and I-no, wait, Lee and me." Ah, what the heck-you pick one and
hope foi the best. If you stumble ovei pionouns, the pioceduies in this
chaptei can help.
200 -- -

When a pionoun is joined with a noun, you may be unsuie which pionoun
to use. Is it Luis and I" oi Luis and me": Is it the giils and us" oi the
giils and we": To decide, cioss out eveiything in the phiase but the pio-
noun and iead what is left:
My biotheis and I saw the movie six times.
My biotheis and me saw the movie six times.
With eveiything but the pionoun ciossed out, you can tell moie easily that
the coiiect choice is :
My biotheis and I saw the movie six times.
Heie is anothei example:
Di. Cohen lent Maiia and I a copy of the book.
Di. Cohen lent Maiia and me a copy of the book.
With eveiything but the pionoun ciossed out, you can tell moie easily that
the coiiect choice is :
Di. Cohen lent Maiia and me a copy of the book.
201 -- -
Sometimes woids follow a pionoun and iename it:
- - (- - follows the pionoun and
ienames it.)
- -- (- follows the pionoun and ienames
it.)
-- - (- - follows the pionoun and ienames
it.)
To choose the coiiect pionoun, cioss out the woids that iename:
We spectatois jumped to oui feet and cheeied when the band took the
feld.
Us spectatois jumped to oui feet and cheeied when the band took the
feld.
With the ienaming woid ciossed out, the coiiect choice is cleai:
We spectatois jumped to oui feet and cheeied when the band took the
feld.
Loud iock music can be iiiitating to we oldei folks.
Loud iock music can be iiiitating to us oldei folks.
With the ienaming woid ciossed out, the coiiect choice is cleai:
Loud iock music can be iiiitating to us oldei folks.
202 -- - --
Which is it: Bev is a bettei foul shootei than I" oi Bev is a bettei foul
shootei than me": To fnd out, add the unstated woid:
Bev is a bettei foul shootei than I am.
Bev is a bettei foul shootei than me am.
With the missing woid added, you can tell that the coiiect pionoun is :
Bev is a bettei foul shootei than I.
John Giisham`s new novel inteiested Miguel as much as I.
John Giisham`s new novel inteiested Miguel as much as me.
To decide on the coiiect pionoun, add the missing woids:
John Giisham`s new novel inteiested Miguel as much as it inteiested I.
John Giisham`s new novel inteiested Miguel as much as it inteiested me.
With the missing compaiison woids added, you can tell that the coiiect
pionoun is .
N - - K- M
203 - They Theii Them -
, , and iefei to pluial nouns:
All students should biing theii notebooks to the next class; if they
foiget them, class paiticipation will be diffcult.
A pioblem occuis when , , oi is used to iefei to a singu-
lai noun:
A peison who caies about the enviionment will iecycle. They will also
avoid using Styiofoam and plastic.
In the pievious sentence, the pluial iefeis to the singulai -, cie-
ating a pioblem called . To eliminate the pioblem, make
the pionoun and noun agiee in one of these two ways:
A peison who caies about the
- enviionment will iecycle. He oi she will
also avoid using Styiofoam and plastic.
People who caie about the enviionment
will iecycle. They will also avoid using
Styiofoam and plastic.
To ensuie agieement, check , , and to be suie each of these
pionouns iefeis to a pluial noun. If it does not, make the noun pluial oi
change the pionoun to a singulai foim.
204 -body -one -thing -

In foimal usage, , , , -, , ,
, -, , , , - (the B
-) aie singulai. Theiefoie, the woids that iefei to them should
also be singulai.
Eveiybody should iemembei his oi hei admission foims when
iepoiting to oiientation.
Someone left his oi hei coat in the auditoiium.
Anybody who wants to biing his oi hei family may do so.
Be suie to put eveiything in its place.
Look foi the indefnite pionouns. If you fnd one, look to see if a pio-
noun iefeis to it. If so, be suie that the pionoun is singulai. Do not iely on
the sound of the sentence, because the pluial pionoun may sound fne since
it is often used in infoimal spoken English.
205 Who Whom -
-
To choose the coiiect pionoun, ciicle oi and undeiline the iest
of the - (a woid gioup with a subject and veib). If the ciicled woid
acts as a subject, use . If it is the object, use . Heie aie some
examples:
Hippociates, who oi whom: lived aiound 400 , is called the
Fathei of Medicine."
Choose because it is the subject of the veib .
Hippociates, who lived aiound 400 , is called the Fathei of
Medicine."
I attended the lectuie by the Holocaust suivivoi who oi whom: the
community invited to speak.
Choose because it is the object of the veib .
N - - K- M
I attended the lectuie by the Holocaust suivivoi whom the
community invited to speak.
206 You
addiesses the ieadei. If it iefeis to someone othei than the ieadei, the
iesult is a pioblem called - -. To avoid this pioblem, mentally
diaw an aiiow fiom to the woid it iefeis to. If this woid names some-
one othei than the ieadei, ieplace it with the coiiect pionoun:
Distance iunneis must tiain ieligiously. You cannot compete
successfully if you iun only on weekends.
Now heie is the coiiected veision:
Distance iunneis must tiain ieligiously. They cannot compete
successfully if they iun only on weekends.
207 It They
Check eveiy and to be suie you have supplied a noun foi each of
these woids to iefei to. Otheiwise, you will have a pioblem called -
:
- Chailie is a veiy cuiious child. Because of it, he
asks questions all the time.
cannot iefei to -, because - is a
modifei, not a noun. The iefeience is meant to
be -, but that woid is not stated.
Chailie is a veiy cuiious child. Because of his
cuiiosity, he asks questions all the time.
- When I went to the unemployment offce, they
told me that some constiuction jobs weie
available.
Theie is no stated noun foi to iefei to.
When I went to the unemployment offce, the
employment counseloi told me that some
constiuction jobs weie available.
208
When a pionoun can iefei to moie than one noun, the ieadei cannot tell
what the wiitei means, cieating a pioblem called .
Dad was in the gaiage with Biian when he heaid
the telephone iing.
Because of uncleai iefeience, the ieadei cannot
tell whethei Dad oi Biian heaid the phone.
Dad was in the gaiage with Biian when Biian
heaid the telephone iing.
209 This Which
To avoid confusion, make suie that - and iefei to specifc nouns:
- When people send e-mail, they expect an immediate
iesponse, wheieas when they send a lettei, they do not
expect a quick ieply. This inteiests communications
specialists. (What inteiests communication specialists:
people expecting an immediate iesponse, people not
expecting a quick ieply, oi the diffeience in
expectations:)
When people send e-mail, they expect an immediate
iesponse, wheieas when they send a lettei, they do not
expect a quick ieply. This diffeience inteiests
communications specialists.
N - - K- M
210 -
-
Youi woid-piocessing piogiam can help you edit foi coiiect pionoun
usage.
- The seaich oi fnd function can help
you edit effciently:
Find and check , , . Be suie that these pionouns iefei to
pluial nouns. Also be suie that iefeis to a stated noun.
Find and check , , , -, ,
, , -, , , , -. If a pio-
noun iefeis to one of these woids, be suie it is singulai.
Find and check and . Subjects should be , and objects
should be .
Find and check . If it does not iefei to the ieadei, change the
pionoun.
Find and check and . Be suie each iefeis to a stated noun.
- This Univeisity of Coloiado at Coloiado Spiings wiit-
ing centei website piovides links to infoimation on many aspects of coi-
iect pionoun usage: uccs.edu/~witgcnti/handouts/pionouns.html.
This Univeisity of Noith Caiolina Web page uses a question-and-answei
foimat to give helpful infoimation on pionouns, and it piovides an exei-
cise foi piactice: http://www2.ncsu.edu/ncsu/giammai/Pionoun3.html.
21
How do I know which veib
foim to use:"
hoosing the iight veib can be tiicky at times, but most of the piob-
lems aiise in just a few special instances. Stiategies foi dealing with
these instances aie discussed in this chaptei.
211 -- --
A phiase befoie the veib can tiick you into choosing the wiong veib foim.
Foi example, which is coiiect:
The stack of books is about to fall.
The stack of books aie about to fall.
To decide, cioss out the phiase -, and you can tell that the coiiect
veib is -:
The stack of books is about to fall.
Phiases befoie the veib often begin with one of the following woids
(called --):
above befoie inside ovei
about between into thiough
acioss by like to
aftei duiing neai towaid
among foi next undei
aiound fiom of up
at in on with
When in doubt about the coiiect veib foim, cioss out phiases beginning
with one of these woids. Heie aie some examples:
The containei of old dishes (is oi aie:) on the landing.
The containei of old dishes (is oi aie:) on the landing.
The containei of old dishes is on the landing.
The heid of steeis (giaze oi giazes:) contentedly.
The heid of steeis (giaze oi giazes:) contentedly.
The heid of steeis giazes contentedly.
The chaiacteiistics of the Geiman shepheid (make oi makes:) him a
suitable show dog.
The chaiacteiistics of the Geiman shepheid (make oi makes:) him a
suitable show dog.
The chaiacteiistics of the Geiman shepheid make him a suitable show
dog.
212 --
In sentences that ask questions, the veib comes befoie the subject. Veib
choice is easiei if you iewiite the sentence so it is no longei a question:
- (Have oi has:) the students fnished
taking exams:
The students have fnished taking
exams.
- Have the students fnished taking
exams:
213 - Heie
Theie
When a sentence begins with oi , the veib comes befoie the sub-
ject. When unceitain, iewiite the sentence putting the subject befoie the
veib. The coiiect choice should be easiei that way:
Heie (is oi aie:) the impoitant
papeis you asked foi.
The impoitant papeis you asked foi
aie heie.
Heie aie the impoitant papeis you
asked foi.
Theie (was oi weie:) an excellent
dance band playing at the wedding
ieception.
An excellent dance band was playing
at the wedding ieception.
Theie was an excellent dance band
playing at the wedding ieception.
214 - Oi
Eithei/Oi
Whethei subjects joined by and (called --)
take a singulai oi pluial veib depends on what subjects aie joined.
N -M
1. If both subjects aie singulai, use a singulai veib:
Joyce oi Rico expects to pick me up foi the conceit.
Eithei the steak oi the veal ioast is on sale at the maiket.
2. If both subjects aie pluial, use a pluial veib:
The boxes oi the fshing poles aie behind the dooi.
Eithei the scouts oi theii leadeis visit the eldeily eveiy week.
3. If one subject is singulai and the othei is pluial, place the pluial sub-
ject second and use a pluial veib:
The gaidenia oi the ioses make a lovely centeipiece.
Eithei my sistei oi my biotheis cook Thanksgiving dinnei each
yeai.
215 B -
The B - aie , , , , , ,
, , , , , , , ,
-, -, and -.
In foimal usage, these indefnite pionouns take singulai veibs-even
though the sense of the sentence suggests that a pluial veib is logical. When
you have used one of these woids as the subject of a sentence, mentally cii-
cle the woid and diaw an aiiow to the veib. Then check that veib to be
suie it is singulai.
Each of the students wants (not want) to have the test on Fiiday so the
weekend is moie ielaxing.
One of the fist museums was (not weie) the Altes Museum in Beilin.
Eithei of these vacation plans meets (not meet) youi needs.
Neithei of these paintings suits (not suit) my taste.
None of Lin`s excuses is (not aie) believable.
Do not iely on the sound of the sentence, because the pluial veib may
sound fne and the singulai veib may sound a little off. This is because the
pluial veib is often used in infoimal speech and wiiting. Nonetheless, use
the singulai veib foi stiict giammatical coiiectness in foimal usage.
216 - --
- means time." Diffeient veib tenses indicate diffeient times.
1. Use the - - to show the following:
- The committee membeis aie
meeting in ioom 2.
- Each yeai, the summei huiiicane
season woiiies coastal iesidents.
- B She applied to Ohio State
Univeisity, which is in Columbus,
Ohio.
2. Use the - - to show that something took place befoie now:
The television seiies was cancelled aftei two episodes.
Cass left foi the stoie befoie I aiiived.
3. Use the - to show that something has not happened yet,
but will.
Next fall, the downtown ieconstiuction will begin.
N -M
4. Use the - - to show the following:
- Alieady you have painted half of
- the kitchen.
-
- Jake has fnally fnished the test.

I have visited Spain twice.
-B -
5. Use the - - to show that something happened in the
past befoie something else happened in the past:
Dimitii said that Sophia had left befoie I aiiived.
6. Use the - to indicate one futuie event will occui
befoie anothei futuie event:
By the end of the yeai, I will have completed a psychology minoi.
If you aie unsuie how to foim the vaiious veib tenses, consult a giam-
mai handbook.
217 - --
Many veibs change theii foim to show diffeient tenses (times):
- - Today I walk two miles foi exeicise.
- - Yesteiday I walked two miles foi exeicise.
- Tomoiiow I will walk two miles foi exeicise.
Sometimes a change in veib tense is necessaiy to show a change in time,
but if you change the tense inappiopiiately, you cieate a pioblem called
- -:
- I iecall that Apiil Fools` Day
- - began in Fiance.
- - Aftei I fnish my woik, I watched
- - a movie.
Read youi diaft out loud and listen to youi veib tenses. If theie aie piob-
lem tense shifts, you aie likely to heai them.
218 - -
If you compose at the computei, you can tiy the following stiategies to edit
foi veib pioblems.
- Use the seaich oi fnd function to
locate the indefnite pionouns piovided eailiei in this chaptei. If you dis-
covei some used as subjects, make suie the veib foim is coiiect.
- O- If youi woid-piocessing
piogiam includes a giammai checkei, it will ag many veib-foim piob-
lems. Because giammai checkeis aie not always ieliable, study each agged
veib youiself. Also, look foi eiiois the computei does not ag.
- Foi infoimation on using the coiiect veib and foi piac-
tice exeicises, visit ccc.commnet.edu/giammai/sv_agi.htm.
Foi infoimation on veib tense shifts, visit the Massachusetts Institute
of Technology website at http://web.mit.edu/wiiting/Wiiting_Piocess
/veibtenseshifts.html.
N -M
22
I`m unsuie about modifeis."
B is a woid oi phiase that desciibes. Considei this sentence:
Because of the teiiible accident, tiaffc moved slowly.
Because desciibes , is a modifei; because -
desciibes , - is a modifei. Modifeis take diffeient foims in dif-
feient giammatical settings.
219 -
-
Which sentence is coiiect:
The paity ended so abiuptly that no one had a chance to eat.
The paity ended so abiupt that no one had a chance to eat.
If you aie unsuie, you may have tiouble knowing when to use adjectives
and when to use adveibs. An desciibes a noun oi pionoun, and
an desciibes a veib oi othei modifei. Fiequently, the adveib foim
ends in and the adjective foim does not:
- -
A
- -

When in doubt, mentally diaw an aiiow fiom the modifei to the woid it
desciibes. If the aiiow goes to a noun oi pionoun, use the adjective foim.
If the aiiow goes to a veib oi modifei, use the adveib foim. Heie is an
example.
Diane mowed the lawn (quick oi quickly:) so she could leave with hei
fiiends.
To decide, mentally diaw an aiiow fiom the modifei to the woid
desciibed. If the woid desciibed is a noun oi a pionoun, use the adjective;
if it is a veib oi anothei modifei, use the adveib (which often ends in ):
Diane mowed the lawn (quick oi quickly:) so she could leave with hei
fiiends.
Now you can tell that is called foi because a veib is desciibed:
Diane mowed the lawn quickly so she could leave with hei fiiends.
Heie aie some moie examples:
David was (absolute oi absolutely:) suie of the answei.
David was absolutely suie of the answei. (A modifei is desciibed, so
the adveib is used.)
The ancient Egyptians thought of the soul as a biid that could y
aiound (easy oi easily:).
The ancient Egyptians thought of the soul as a biid that could y
aiound easily. (A veib is desciibed, so the adveib is used.)
Chiis is (happy oi happily:) that he was piomoted aftei only one
month on the job.
Chiis is happy that he was piomoted aftei only one month on the job.
(A noun is desciibed, so the adjective is used.)
220 Good - Well
- O
is an adjective; it desciibes nouns and pionouns:
The good news is that I got the job.
is an adveib; it desciibes veibs and modifeis:
Aftei ten yeais of lessons, Maxine plays the piano well.
Now heie`s the caution: aftei veibs like -, -, , and , use
because the noun oi pionoun befoie the veib is being desciibed.
The meat tastes good, even though it is oveicooked.
Claudia looks good, although she just had suigeiy.
Now heie`s the exception: is used as an adjective to mean in good
health."
Aftei six biownies and a bottle of soda, the child did not feel well.
221 - Moie Most -ei
-est
- I like tacos bettei than nachos.
I like tacos moie bettei than nachos.
NK - B-M
- The Sahaia Deseit is the woild`s hottest iegion in summei.
The Sahaia Deseit is the woild`s most hottest iegion in summei.
- The Sahaia Deseit is biggei than the United States.
The Sahaia Deseit is moie biggei than the United States.
- The iainiest place on eaith is Mount Waialeale, in Hawaii.
The most iainiest place on eaith is Mount Waialeale, in Hawaii.
222 - -ing -ed
-
An oi veib foim (called a ) can be used as an adjective:
Whistling, Caiolyn stiolled thiough the paik.
- is a veib foim that is used as an adjective to desciibe .
Living only two oi thiee yeais, lizaids have a shoit life span.
is a veib foim used as an adjective to desciibe -.
When an oi foim opens a sentence, it must be followed by the
woid that the foim desciibes. Otheiwise, the iesult will be a
B. Dangling modifeis can cieate silly sentences:
B While making the coffee, the toast buined.
(This sentence says that the toast made the
coffee.)
While making the coffee, I buined the toast.
(The opening veib foim is followed by a
woid it can sensibly desciibe.)
B Exhausted fiom woik, a nap was needed. (This
sentence says that the nap was exhausted.)
Exhausted fiom woik, Lucy needed a nap. (The
opening veib foim is followed by a woid it
can sensibly desciibe.)
If you aie in the habit of wiiting dangling modifeis, check eveiy open-
ing and veib foim to be suie it is closely followed by a woid it can
sensibly desciibe.
223 B- - -
If a modifei is too fai fiom the woid it desciibes, the iesult is a -
B. A misplaced modifei can cieate a silly sentence:
- B Lee bought a bicycle fiom a neighboi with a at
tiie. (The sentence says that the neighboi had a
at tiie.)
Lee bought a bicycle with a at tiie fiom a
neighboi. (The modifei has been moved closei
to the woid it desciibes.)
224 - B-
If you compose at the computei, you can tiy the following stiategies.
- Use the seaich oi fnd function to
fnd and check each use of and .
giam includes a giammai checkei, it will ag many eiiois with modifeis.
Howevei, giammai checkeis aie not always ieliable, so check each agged
eiioi youiself, and look foi eiiois the computei did not ag.
- These sites piovide infoimation on modifeis:
baitleby.com/64/1.html
edufnd.com/english/giammai/get_alpha.cfm:letteiA
NK - B-M
23
Can`t I just place a comma
wheievei I pause:"
lacing commas wheievei you pause is an unieliable method of punc-
tuating: sometimes it woiks and sometimes it doesn`t. Youi best bet is
to leain the iules. Editing stiategies aie given in this chaptei to help you
follow these common comma iules:
Use a comma aftei an intioductoiy element.
Use a comma befoie a cooidinating conjunction that joins
independent clauses.
Use a comma to sepaiate items in a seiies.
Use a comma to set off nonessential sentence elements.
Foi othei impoitant comma iules, consult a giammai handbook.
225
Most of the time, anything that comes befoie the subject of a sentence is
an and should be set off with a comma. It does not
mattei whethei the mateiial is one woid, a phiase, oi a clause. Thus, once
you identify the subject of a sentence, you can look in fiont of it. If theie
aie any woids theie, follow them with a comma, like this:
-
- Suipiisingly, the heait of a whale beats
only nine times a minute.
-
- - In medieval Japan, fashionable women
blackened theii teeth to enhance theii
appeaiance.
- - Although Albeit Einstein developed the
theoiy of ielativity, he failed his fist col-
lege entiance exam.
226 -

The following woids aie -; you can iemembei
them by iemembeiing -, the woid foimed by the fist lettei of each
woid.
foi oi
and yet
noi so
but
If a cooidinating conjunction joins two woid gioups that each can stand as
a sentence ( -), place a comma befoie the conjunction.
To apply this iule, mentally ciicle eveiy cooidinating conjunction; then
look left and iight. If an independent clause appeais on both sides, place
a comma befoie the conjunction.

- -
- I enjoy ieading Stephen King novels], but I do not
enjoy watching hoiioi movies.]
-
- -
- The Centeis foi Disease Contiol piedicts a u
outbieak], so I plan to get a u shot.]
- -
- Fish can distinguish colois], and they actually piefei
some colois ovei otheis.]
-
- The owl cannot move its eyes but can tuin its
head aiound.]
-
- The cai acceleiated quickly and tuined left.]
-
- You can leave with me now oi wait until
latei.]
227 -
A -- is thiee oi moie woids, phiases, oi clauses. Sepaiate the items in
a seiies with commas.
- -- This iestauiant specializes in pasta, steak, salads,
and seafood.
-- -- Recycling centeis have been established at the
goveinment centei, behind the high school, and
at the baseball felds.
-- -- The managei loweied piices, the sales staff tiied
to be moie helpful, and the ownei iemodeled the
stoie.
NK - -M
228 -- -
A -- can be iemoved without changing the meaning
of the sentence. Identify nonessential elements and set them off with com-
mas. In the following sentences, the nonessential elements aie undeiscoied
as a study aid.
-- The piesident at the time, Caitei, woiked to
achieve the Egyptian-Isiaeli peace agieement.
-- The goveinoi, suipiisingly, opposed the
balanced-budget amendment.
-- - You can, of couise, join us foi dinnei.
-- - The ciime iate, accoiding to the newspapei,
has not incieased this yeai.
-- - Veiy few people undeistand how the election
piocess woiks, if you ask me.
-- - Kaien Caipentei, who died of anoiexia
neivosa, was a talented peifoimei.
229 -
-
If you compose at the computei, tiy the following stiategies to edit foi
commas.
- If you aie unsuie whethei an element is nonessen-
tial and, theiefoie, should be set off with commas, delete the element and
see if necessaiy meaning is lost. If necessaiy meaning is lost, use com-
mas. Aftei deciding, put the deleted element back in the sentence. Foi
example, in the following sentence, is the undeilined element nonessential:
Sgt. Shepheid who was awaided a Puiple Heait is ieenlisting.
Use the delete key to get
Sgt. Shepheid is ieenlisting.
Because necessaiy meaning is not lost without the element (we can still tell
who is ieenlisting), the element is nonessential. Theiefoie, use commas:
Sgt. Shepheid, who was awaided a Puiple Heait, is ieenlisting.
Heie is anothei sentence. Is the undeilined element nonessential:
The seigeant who was awaided a Puiple Heait is ieenlisting.
Use the delete key to get
The seigeant is ieenlisting.
Necessaiy meaning is lost because without the element, we cannot tell
which seigeant is ieenlisting. Theiefoie, the element is essential and com-
mas aie not used:
The seigeant who was awaided a Puiple Heait is ieenlisting.
- If you aie unsuie whethei to use a comma befoie a
cooidinating conjunction, undeiline the woids befoie and aftei the con-
junction. Examine both sets of woids. If set can stand as a sentence,
use the comma. If neithei set can be a sentence oi if only one can be a sen-
tence, do use a comma.
- Visit this page fiom the Capital Community College
Guide to Giammai and Wiiting website foi an explanation of comma iules
and piactice exeicises: ccc.commnet.edu/giammai/commas.htm.
NK - -M
24
What if I want to
quote somebody:"
ometimes, you want to use woids that someone has spoken oi wiitten:
those woids may advance a stoiy, add vividness, lend insight into chai-
actei, oi piovide suppoit foi an idea. When you quote someone, you aie
obligated to get it iight. That means you must iepioduce the woids
as they weie spoken oi wiitten, and it means you must follow the punctu-
ation and capitalization iules in this chaptei.
230 -
-
If youi quotation comes the statement of who spoke, model this foim:
Eli ieminded us, Remembei to put out the campfie befoie ietiiing."
If youi quotation comes the statement of who spoke, model this
foim:
Remembei to put out the campfie befoie ietiiing," Eli ieminded us.
If youi quotation comes both befoie and aftei the statement of who spoke,
model the fist foim if the fist pait does foim a sentence. Model the
second foim if it does.
Remembei," Eli ieminded us, to put out the campfie befoie
ietiiing."
Remembei to put out the campfie befoie ietiiing," Eli ieminded us.
You don`t want to stait a foiest fie."
231
-- -
When the quotation asks a question, model one of these foims:
The iepoitei asked Senatoi McEwin, Did you vote foi the tiade bill:"
Did you vote foi the tiade bill:" the iepoitei asked Senatoi McEwin.
When the entiie sentence asks a question, model this foim:
Did the newspapei say, The piesident of the school boaid plans to
iesign": (The question maik appeais outside the quotation maik.)
232 -K- -
A peison`s thoughts aie tieated like spoken woids:
Julia thought, It`s time I made a change in my life."
233 -
Befoie using quotation maiks, be suie you aie iepioducing someone`s exact
woids:
- - The police offcei said, Move youi
- cai."
- - The police offcei said that you
- should move youi cai.
234 - -
-
If you compose at the computei, considei the following stiategies.
- O- If youi woid-piocessing
piogiam includes a giammai checkei, it will ag many misused quotation
maiks. Howevei, giammai checkeis aie not always ieliable, so check each
agged eiioi youiself, and look foi eiiois the piogiam did not ag.
- A convenience of using the Inteinet is the ability to
copy and paste mateiial fiom websites. Howevei, mateiial you copy
must appeai in quotation maiks and must be acknowledged.
N -M
25
I have tiouble
with apostiophes."
postiophes have two main functions: they take the place of missing
letteis in contiactions, and they signal possession. Some people think
apostiophes have a thiid function: to diive them ciazy. Apostiophes
be pesky, so if you aie unsuie how to use them, tiy the techniques in this
chaptei.
235 -- -
A is foimed by taking two woids, diopping one oi moie let-
teis, and joining the two woids into one. In contiactions, place the apos-
tiophe at the site of the missing lettei(s). Foi example, the contiaction foim
of is K. Because the is left out of , the apostiophe is placed
between the and the .
Heie aie some moie examples:
have not haven`t (apostiophe at site of missing )
we will we`ll (apostiophe at site of missing )
it is it`s (apostiophe at site of missing )
The contiaction foim of is the unusual K.
236 - It`s - It Is
It Has
1. K- is the contiaction foim of - oi -.
It`s time foi a change of leadeiship in this state. (It is time foi a
change of leadeiship in this state.)
It`s been ten yeais since I smoked a cigaiette. (It has been ten yeais
since I smoked a cigaiette.)
2. - is a possessive foim; it shows owneiship and cannot be substituted
foi - oi -.
- The iivei oveiowed its banks. (- shows owneiship.)
The iivei oveiowed it`s banks.
- It`s too late to tuin back now. (K- heie means -.)
Its too late to tuin back now.
237 -
No law says that you - use contiactions. If you aie unsuie wheie to
place the apostiophe, use the two-woid foim instead of the contiaction.
238 - of -
If you can add a phiase beginning with to a noun oi indefnite pionoun
and iewoid, the noun oi indefnite pionoun is possessive and needs an
apostiophe to indicate possession:
- - The books pages aie beginning to cuil.
- The pages of the book aie beginning to
cuil.
- - The book`s pages aie beginning to cuil.
- - Someones cai is paiked in a no paiking
zone.
- The cai of someone is paiked in a no
paiking zone.
- - Someone`s cai is paiked in a no paiking
zone.
- - The steak knives on the countei aie veiy
shaip.
- The knives of steak on the countei aie
veiy shaip.
- - The steak knives on the countei aie veiy
shaip.
239 ---- - - --
Apostiophes aie used with nouns to show possession. To deteimine how
to use the apostiophe, ask, Does the noun end in -:"
1. If the noun - end in -, add an apostiophe and an -, like this:
Piesident `s Piesident`s
The Piesident`s Council on Aging iepoits an inciease in
homelessness among the eldeily.
childien `s childien`s
Childien`s toys cost moie money than they aie woith.
2. If the noun - end in -, ask, Is the noun singulai oi pluial:"
a. If the noun is singulai, add an apostiophe and an -, like this:
Deloies `s Deloies`s
Deloies`s new cai was hit in the paiking lot.
bus `s bus`s
The bus`s biakes jammed, causing a minoi accident.
N --M
b. If the noun is pluial, add an apostiophe, like this:
shoes ` shoes`
All the shoes` laces aie too long.
mayois ` mayois`
The thiee mayois` mutual aid agieement will yield economic
benefts.
240 ---- -
These woids aie ---- - because they show owneiship: -,
-, -, -, -, and -. Since these woids aie alieady possessive,
do not use them with apostiophes. (Remembei that - is the possessive
pionoun, and K- is the contiaction foim of - and -.)
- His backpack was left in the cai.
His` backpack was left in the cai.
- Aie the sneakeis undei the couch youis:
Aie the sneakeis undei the couch youi`s:
241 -
- -
If you compose at the computei, you may like the following stiategies.
- O- Many piogiams do not check
apostiophes in contiactions, so misspellings such as will not be noted.
Also, youi spell-checkei will not distinguish between - and K-.
- To test how well you use apostiophes, visit this Web
page: piimaiyiesouices.co.uk/online/apostiophes.htm.
26
I nevei know what
to capitalize."
sk people how they know what to capitalize, and many will say they
aien`t suie, so they just capitalize the impoitant stuff." Aie you one
of those people: If so, how do you know what`s impoitant": This chap-
tei can help you use capital letteis with moie confdence.
242 - - K-
- - K- -
John, Lassie, Seabiscuit, Aunt Rhoda, Piofessoi
DeMatteo, Rabbi Gold
boy, dog, hoise, my aunt, a piofessoi, the iabbi
Always capitalize the pionoun .
243 - - -
-
I bought Mothei and Dad a DVD playei foi theii
anniveisaiy.
I bought my mothei and dad a DVD playei foi
theii anniveisaiy.
244 B - -
- -
Afiica, Giand Canyon, Baltic Sea, Atlanta,
Geoigia, Mahoning Avenue, Staik County, Route
82, the Middle East, the Pacifc Noithwest, the
West Coast, Chinese cooking, Iiish linen
continent, a canyon, sea, city, one state, the
avenue, county, the noithwestein iegion, the
westein pait of the countiy
245 - - -
-
God, the Loid, Allah, the Toiah, the New
Testament, Muslim, Catholicism, the Holy Bible,
the Tiinity, Jewish, In His wisdom, God is just.
the gods, a deity, a sacied text
246 B - - -
Monday, June, Halloween
day, month, holiday, wintei
247 B -
Mountain Dew, Pillsbuiy cake mix, Reebok tennis
shoes, Cheeiios, Buick
soda pop, cake mix, tennis shoes, ceieal, cai
248 B - -
-
Geneial Motois, Disney Woild, Indiana
Univeisity, the Empiie State Building, the
Fiateinal Oidei of Police, the Red Cioss
cai manufactuiei, amusement paik, college,
building, fiateinity, club, company
249 B - - -
-
the Constitution of the United States, the Battle of
the Bulge, Koiean Wai, the Magna Caita, the
Renaissance
a countiy`s constitution, a battle, the wai,
document, histoiical peiiod
250 -
Capitalize the fist and last woid of a title and a subtitle, no mattei what
those woids aie. In between, capitalize eveiything except aiticles (, ,
), shoit conjunctions (, , , , , -, , -), and shoit
piepositions (, , , , ).

-
N M

-
251 -
If you compose at the computei, the following stiategies can help you cap-
italize coiiectly.
- Youi woid-piocessing piogiam may
allow you to coiiect automatically woids you ioutinely capitalize incoi-
iectly. Foi example, in Miciosoft Woid use AutoCoiiect by clicking on
Tools" in the menu bai and then on AutoCoiiect." In the Replace" box,
type the woid as you do when you capitalize it incoiiectly (e.g., ).
In the With" box, type the woid with coiiect capitalization ( ).
- O- Youi computei`s spell-checkei is
moie likely to fnd eiiois in woids you have not capitalized than in woids
you have capitalized inappiopiiately.
In e-mail you wiite foi school, woik,
oi othei foimal and semifoimal occasions, follow the capitalization iules.
Using all capital letteis is like electionic shouting; using all loweicase let-
teis can be confusing.
- Foi iules foi capitalization, visit this Web page:
ccc.commnet.edu/giammai/capitals.htm.
27
I can`t spell."
iist the bad news: misspelled woids aie a pioblem because they lead
the ieadei to question youi ability. Now the good news: many capable
people do not spell well, but they have leained ways to solve theii spelling
pioblem. You, too, can eliminate misspellings with the techniques in this
chaptei.
252
When it comes to using a dictionaiy, we all get lazy. Still, the only suiefie
way to check a spelling is to look up the woid. If you have the slightest sus-
picion that a woid is misspelled, check the dictionaiy.
253 -
To make looking woids up as convenient as possible, buy two dictionai-
ies: a haidback collegiate dictionaiy to keep on youi wiiting desk and a fat
papeiback to caiiy with you to othei locations wheie you wiite-such as
woik. You aie moie likely to look up a woid if you have a dictionaiy at
hand and do not have to get up and walk somewheie to get one.
254 -
If you have tiouble fnding woids in a tiaditional dictionaiy, tiy using a
pionunciation dictionaiy that lets you fnd woids accoiding to the way they
sound.
255 -
Spelling dictionaiies, available in most diugstoies and bookstoies, iefei-
ence fiequently misspelled woids. They piovide spellings without defni-
tions, so they aie thin and convenient to caiiy aiound.
256 -
Pocket spell-checkeis aie electionic gadgets about the size of some calcu-
latois. They can be expensive, but if you aie moie inclined to check
spellings with an electionic gizmo than with a dictionaiy, they aie woith
the money.
257 -
Sometimes people misspell because they pionounce a woid incoiiectly. Foi
example, you may misspell if you pionounce it Feb-u-aiy"; you
may misspell if you pionounce it pie-ven-ta-tive."
258 -
When a woid is composed of identifable paits, spell the woid out pait by
pait so it is moie manageable:
undei-stand-able dis-ease
with-hold comfoit-able
aim-chaii lone-liness
ioom-mate ovei-coat
kindei-gaiten
259 -
Some woids aie moie easily spelled if you go syllable by syllable. Woids of
thiee oi moie syllables aie often bettei handled this way:
oi-gan-i-za-tion hos-pi-tal
cit-i-zen in-di-vis-i-ble
mon-u-men-tal con-vei-sa-tion
Jan-u-ai-y pio-ba-bly
in-vi-ta-tion
260 B-
When a B (woid beginning) is added to a woid, the spelling of the
base woid will usually not change:
mis-take pie-paie
dis-satisfaction mis-infoim
mis-spell intei-ielated
un-neive pie-iecoid
un-necessaiy
261 - -
Think of tiicks to help you spell woids. Foi example, the woid -
contains -, and you stium a guitai, which is an instiument. Actois in
a often at each othei.
Memoiy tiicks can be paiticulaily helpful foi paiis of woids that aie
often mistaken foi each othei. You may fnd some of the following tiicks
to youi liking, and you may want to make up tiicks foi othei paiis of woids
that you confuse.
1. advice/advise
means a suggestion."
Joel`s advice pioved sound.
- means to give advice."
Yvette is the best peison to advise you.
A peison with a vice needs advice.
N K -M
2. affect/effect
means to inuence."
The diought will affect the economy foi yeais to come.
means iesult."
The effects of the diought aie devastating.
The fist syllable of ihymes with the fist
syllable of iesult.
3. among/between
is used foi moie than two.
Divide the candy among the foui childien.
is used foi two.
The diffeience between the ages of Phil and Cailos is not
impoitant.
Can you ft anything between the two `s in the last
syllable of :
4. beside/besides
- means alongside of."
I paiked the van beside the Coivette.
-- means in addition to."
Besides good soil, the plants need watei.
The fnal - in -- is in addition to" the fist -.
5. fewei/less
is foi things that can be counted.
Fewei people voted in this election than in the last one.
-- is used foi things that cannot be counted.
People who exeicise iegulaily expeiience less stiess than those
who do not.
Think of --. -- is used foi things that cannot
be counted.
6. then/than
iefeis to a ceitain time.
The tiumpets blaied; then the cymbals ciashed.
is used to compaie.
I like small classes bettei than laige lectuies.
Think of the in and ; think of the in
and .
262 -
- sound alike, but they aie spelled and used diffeiently. Leain
the following homophones and any otheis that give you tiouble:
1. all ieady/alieady
means all set."
By thiee o`clock, the family was all ieady to leave foi Viiginia
Beach.
means by this time."
We aie alieady an houi behind schedule, and we haven`t begun
the tiip yet.
2. its/it`s
- shows owneiship.
The cai hit a pothole and bioke its axle.
N K -M
K- is the contiaction foim of - oi -.
It`s too late to say you aie soiiy.
It`s been ten yeais since giaduation.
3. passed/past
-- means went by" oi handed."
Katie passed the potatoes to Eaivin.
The shooting stai passed oveihead at nine o`clock.
- iefeis to pievious time. It also means by."
I have leained fiom past expeiience not to tiust Jeiiy.
When I diove past the house, no one was home.
4. piincipal/piinciple
means main" oi most impoitant." It is also the school
offcial.
The piincipal ioadblock to peace is the peisonalities of the
countiy`s leadeis.
The high school piincipal favois a diess code.
is a tiuth oi standaid.
The piinciples of woild economics aie studied in this couise.
5. theie/theii/theyìe
iefeis to diiection oi place. It also opens sentences.
Place the vase of oweis theie on the coffee table.
Theie is a suipiise foi you in the kitchen.
shows owneiship.
The students ievised theii diafts in the computei lab.
K is the contiaction foim of .
Do not sit Lee and Dana next to each othei; theyìe not getting
along.
6. thiew/thiough
is the past tense of .
The shoitstop thiew the ball to the pitchei.
means in one side and out the othei" oi fnished."
I had tiouble getting the thiead thiough the needle.
My moining biology class is not thiough until eleven o`clock.
7. to/too/two
means towaid." It is also used with a veib to foim the
B.
Liza usually walks to school.
Eiic is leaining how to play the violin.
means excessively" oi also."
I fnd it too hot in this building.
Juanita woiks in the libiaiy, and she tutois math too.
is the numbei.
Two weeks ago, I bought a new cai.
8. youi/youìe
shows owneiship.
You left youi keys in the cai.
K is the contiaction foim of .
If youìe leaving now, please take me with you.
N K -M
263 -
While diafting oi ievising, you may sense that a woid is spelled wiong. Yet
looking the woid up at that point is undesiiable because it inteiiupts youi
diafting oi ievising momentum. To solve this pioblem, undeiline eveiy
woid whose spelling you aie unsuie of as you wiite. Then you have a visual
iemindei to look up the woid latei, when it is moie convenient.
264 -
Look up the woids you misspell and add these woids, coiiectly spelled, to
a list foi study. Each day, study the list and memoiize anothei woid oi two
in an effoit to inciease the numbei of woids you can spell.
265 -
If you compose at the computei, these tips can help you spell coiiectly.
- Youi woid-piocessing piogiam may
allow you to coiiect automatically the woids you ioutinely misspell. Foi
example in Miciosoft Woid, use AutoCoiiect by clicking on Tools" in the
menu bai and then on AutoCoiiect." In the Replace" box, type the woid
as you do when you misspell it (e.g., ). In the With" box, type the
woid spelled coiiectly (B).
- O- Spell-checkeis test eveiy woid you
have wiitten against the woids in the dictionaiy in the computei`s mem-
oiy. If a woid is not iecognized, the spell-checkei will offei alteinative
spellings. If the spell-checkei comes acioss a typing eiioi, it may be baf-
ed if nothing in its memoiy comes close to the spelling. In this case, it
will not know what to suggest as a coiiect spelling. Also, homophones
(soundalikes) aie untouched by spell-checkeis, so the confusion of some-
thing like , , and K will not be iesolved. Finally, iesist the
temptation to accept automatically the fist spelling offeied by a spell-
checkei, as it may not be the one you should use. Despite these limitations,
spell-checkeis can be helpful to people with chionic spelling pioblems.
- The following sites may be helpful:
To check spellings, you can use the Meiiiam-Webstei online diction-
aiy at m-w.com.
Foi spelling iules, visit gsu.edu/~wwwesl/egw/susan.htm.
Foi a list of common homonyms, visit http://liteiacy.kent.edu/Mid
west/Mateiials/ndakota/spelling/lesson1.html.
N K -M
Abstiact, 25-26
Action veibs, 94-95
Active voice, 94
Adjectives, 139-42
Adveibs, 139-42
-, 165
, 166
Agieement
pionoun-noun, 125-28
subject-veib, 131-37
, 167
, 166
Apostiophes, 155-58
with contiactions, 155-57
with possessive foims, 157-58
tioubleshooting, with a
computei, 158
Audience, 11-12, 67-69
Backing up points, 41-49
---, 166
Blindfolded wiiting, 13
Biainstoiming, 7-8
Capitalization, 159-62
biand names, 161
buildings, 161
days and months, 160
geogiaphic locations, 160
histoiic iefeiences, 161
holidays, 160
names and titles, 159
nationalities, 160
oiganizations, 161
ielatives, 160
ieligious iefeiences, 160
titles, 161
computei, 162
Choppiness, 99-103
Clauses
befoie subject, 146
independent, 119-20, 146
suboidinate, 146
Clichs, 95
Clusteiing, 5-6
Comma splice, 119-22
Commas, 145-49
with cooidinating conjunctions,
146-47
with intioductoiy elements,
145-46
with nonessential elements, 148
in seiies, 147
computei, 148-49
Compaiisons, adding unstated, 125
Compound subjects, 133-34
Computeis, tioubleshooting with
apostiophes, 158
backing up points, 49
boiing diafts, 97-98
Index
capitalization, 170
choppiness, 103
comma splices, 121
commas, 148-49
conclusions, 55
constiuctive ciiticism, secuiing,
75-77
diafting, 34, 60
diafts too long, 92
diafts too shoit, 87
editing, 111, 123, 130, 137,
143, 148-49, 153,
170-71
e-mail, 14
idea geneiation, 13-15
listing, 14
modifeis, 143
openings, 39-40
oideiing ideas, 81-82
outlining, 14, 26, 81-82
piewiiting, 13-15
pionouns, 130
quotation maiks, 153
ievising, 65-66, 73-74, 87, 92,
98, 103
iun-on sentences, 121
sentence fiagments, 118
shoitening diafts, 92
specifc woid choice, 92
spelling, 170-71
thesis statements, 20
veibs, 137
woid choice, 59-60
Conclusion, 51-55
Conjunctions, 146-47
Constiuctive ciiticism, secuiing,
75-77
Contiactions, 153-57
Cooidinating conjunctions,
146-47
Dangling modifeis, 142-43
Deadwood, 90-91
Dialogue, 85, 96
Diction. Woid choice
Diafting, 27-60
backing up points, 41-49
computeis, tioubleshooting with,
34, 39-40, 49, 55, 59-60
myth about, xiii
and woid choice, 19, 57-60
and wiitei`s block, 27-34
Diafts
evaluating, 67-74
too long, dealing with, 81-92
too shoit, dealing with, 83-87
wiitei`s block, dealing with,
27-34
Editing, 105-71
apostiophes, 155-58
capitalization, 159-62
checklist, 109
computeis, tioubleshooting with,
111, 118, 121, 123, 130,
137, 143, 148-49, 153,
170-71
comma splices, 119-22
commas, 145-49
defnition of, xiii, 105
modifeis, 139-43
myth about, xiii
pionouns, 123-24
quotation maiks, 151-53
iun-on sentences, 119-22
sentence fiagments, 113-18
spelling, 163-71
techniques foi fnding mistakes,
107-111
veibs, 131-37
Editing checklist, 109

Essay stiuctuie
backing up points, 41-49
conclusion, 51-55
opening, 39-40
oideiing details, 21-26, 79-82
oiganization, 21-26, 79-82
outlining, 22-26, 79
thesis, 17-20, 38
tiansitions, 79-80
Exploiatoiy diaft, wiiting an, 9-10
--, 166-67
Fiist diaft. Diafting and Diafts
Fiagments. Sentence fiagments
Fieewiiting, 3-4, 13
Futuie peifect tense, 136
Futuie tense, 135-36
, 141
Habits of successful wiiteis, x-xi
Homophones, 167-69
Idea geneiation techniques, 1-26
audience identifcation, 11-12
biainstoiming, 7-8
clusteiing, 5-6
combining stiategies, 13
computeis, using, 13-15
examining topic fiom diffeient
angles, 8-9
exploiatoiy diaft, wiiting, 9-10
fieewiiting, 3-4, 13
inspiiation, xii
jouinaling, 12-13
listing, 6-7, 14
looping, 4
poetiy, wiiting, 10
puipose identifcation, 11-12
questionnaiies, 9
ielating topic to expeiience, 10
talking, 10
thesis, deteimining, 17-20
topic development, 31-32
Indefnite pionouns, 126-27,
134-35
Independent clause, 119-20
Infnitives, 100
Infoimal outline, 23-24
Inspiiation, xii
Inteinet, using. Computeis,
tioubleshooting with
Intioductoiy element, 145-46
-K-, 167-68
Jouinal wiiting, 12-13
--, 83-92
Listing, 6-7, 14
Looping, 4
Misplaced modifeis, 143
Modifeis, 139-43
adjectives, 139-42
adveibs, 139-42
dangling, 142-43
, 142
misplaced, 143
paiticiples, 142
as sentence openeis, 99-100
-, 141-42
Myths about wiiting, ix-xiv
Nonessential elements, 148
Openings, 35-40
Oiganization, 21-26, 79-81. -
Essay stiuctuie
Oiganizing details, 21-26
Outline caids, 81

Outline fle, 26
Outline map, 24-25
Outline piogiam, 26
Outline, postdiaft, 79-81
Outlining
with computei, 14, 26, 81-82
infoimal, 23-24
outline caids, 81
outline fle, 26
outline map, 24-25
outline piogiam, 26
outline tiee, 22-23
postdiaft outline, 79, 90
sciatch outline, 14, 22, 26
Padding, 83
Paiallelism, 102
Paiticiples, 142
---, 168
Passive voice, 94
Past peifect tense, 136
Past tense, 135-36
Peison shift, 128
Poetiy foi piewiiting, 10
Possession, 157-58
Possessive pionouns, 158
Postdiaft outline, 79, 81, 90
Piepositions, 131-32
Piesent peifect tense, 138
Piesent tense, 135-36
Piewiiting, 1-26
audience identifcation, 11-12
biainstoiming, 7-8
clusteiing, 5-6
combining techniques, 13
computeis, using, 13-15, 20, 25
defnition of, 1
examining diffeient angles, 8-9
exploiatoiy diafts, wiiting,
9-10
fieewiiting, 3-4, 13
jouinaling, 12-13
listing, 6-7, 14
looping, 4
myths about, xii-xiii
poetiy, wiiting, 10
puipose identifcation, 11-12
questionnaiies, using, 9
ielating topic to expeiience, 10
talking, 10
thesis, deteimining, 17-20
and wiitei`s block, 11
, 168
Pionouns, 123-30
agieement, 126-28
indefnite, 126-27, 134-35
peison shift, 128
possessive, 158
-, 129-30
computei, 130
uncleai iefeience, 129
unstated iefeience, 128-29
-, 129-30
, 127-28
Punctuation
apostiophes, 155-58
commas, 145-49
quotation maiks, 151-53
Puipose, 11-12
Questionnaiies, using, 9
Quotations, 151-53
Readei piofles, 67-68
Readei iesponse, 75-77
Refeiences
avoiding uncleai, 129
avoiding unstated, 128-29
Relating topic to expeiience, 10
Repetition, 91
Relevant suppoiting detail, 15

Revising, 61-103
action woids, using, 94-95
active voice, using, 94
checklist, 72-73
choppiness, eliminating, 99-103
clichs, eliminating, 95
computei techniques foi, 65-66,
73-74, 87, 92, 98, 103
constiuctive ciiticism, secuiing,
75-77
deciding what to change, 67-74
defnition of, xiii, 61
evaluating a diaft, 67-74
foi ow, 99-103
to lengthen diaft, 83-87
myth about, xiii
and ieadei piofle, 67-68
and ieadei iesponse, 75-77
sentences, 99-103
to shoiten diaft, 89-92
Revising checklist, 72-73
Rough diaft, 61. - Diafting
and Diafts
Run-on sentences, 119-22
Sciatch outline, 14, 22-23, 26
Sentence fiagments, 113-18
Sentence openeis, vaiying, 99-101
Sentences
choppy, 99-103
combining shoit, 101
comma splices, 119-22
openeis foi, 99-101
paiallel, 102
iun-on, 119-22
sentence fiagments, 113-18
vaiying length of, 102
Shift
peison, 128
tense, 136-37
Specifc woid choice, 19, 93
Spelling, 163-71
homophones, 167-69
Talking, 10, 31
Tape iecoidei, talking into, 10
Tense, 135-37
, 167
K, 168-69
, 168-69
Thesis statements, 19-20, 38
avoiding factual statements,
19-20
checking, 21-22, 86, 89, 97
computei, tioubleshooting with,
20
defned, 17
idea geneiation mateiial and, 17
limited, 18-19
long diafts and, 89
main points, noting, 18
shoit diafts and, 86
tentative, 20
two-pait, 17
using specifc woids foi, 19
-, 129-30
, 169
, 169
Tiansitions, 79-80, 101
Uncleai iefeience, 129
Unstated compaiisons, adding, 125
Unstated iefeience, 128-29
Veibs, 131-37
action, 94-95
ending, 115
ending, 115
subject-veib agieement,
131-37
tense, 135-37
tense shifting, 136-37

computei, 137
voice, 94
Veib tenses, 135-37
Voice, 94
, 141
, 127-28
Woid choice
action veibs, 94-95
clichs, 95
deadwood, 90-91
homophones, 167-69
iepetition, 91
selecting iight woid, 57-60
specifc woids, 19, 93
in thesis, 19
woidiness, 90-91
Woidiness, 90-91
Wiitei`s block, 27-34
Wiiting piocess, xiv. -
Computeis, tioubleshooting
with; Diafting; Editing; Idea
geneiation techniques;
Outlining; Piewiiting;
Revising; Thesis statements;
Wiitei`s block
, 128
K, 169

265 Troubleshooting Strategies For Writing Nonfiction

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Wiiteis should wait foi inspiiation.

Good" wiiteis get it iight the fist time.

Aftei diafting, good" wiiteis look foi theii giammai mistakes

1. Do youi ideas follow logically one to the next: (Chaptei 12)

couldn`t put it down!" A ieal page-tuinei!" A must-iead!" No, these

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