Writing Effective Sentences

Making Sentence Clear A sentence is a group of words that expresses a single thought and complete idea. A clear sentence conveys the writers idea on the first reading. It signals relationships among its parts, and it emphasizes the key ideas. Sentence Unity Ways to Achieve Sentence Unity: 1. Ideas that are very closely related should be put together in one sentence. a. By subordinating the minor thought to the more important thought. i. Weak: Mark didnt pass the exam. He didnt review. ii. Improved: Mark didnt pass the exam because he didnt review. b. By coordinating thoughts that are of equal importance. i. Weak: Revenge gets you even with your enemy. Forgiveness puts you above him. ii. Improved: Revenge gets you even with your enemy but forgiveness puts you above him. 2. Avoid the comma splice. A comma splice error is committed when a comma is used without the proper connective between 2 independent clauses. a. Place the proper coordinating conjunction after the comma when joining two independent clauses. i. Weak: The mob jeered loudly, the man remained calm and indifferent. ii. Improved: The mob jeered loudly, but the man remained calm and even indifferent. b. Use a semi-colon, followed by the proper transitional conjunction. i. Weak: The anemic father won the jackpot in the lotto, his wife didnt tell him immediately. ii. Improved: The anemic father won the jackpot in the lotto; however, his wife didnt tell him immediately. c. Where a degree of separation is necessary to make both clauses clear, use a semi-colon alone, not the comma and the coordinating conjunction. i. Weak: It was nearly time to go, the man thought he should hurry to be able to catch the bus. ii. Improved: It was nearly time to go; the man thought he should hurry to be able to catch the bus. 3. Avoid run-on sentence. A run-on sentence results when one attempt to correct a comma splice by merely removing the comma between two coordinate clauses. Subordinate the less important idea instead. a. Weak: You need my help call me up. b. Correct: If you need my help call me up. c. Weak: The house looks ancient my grandma lives there. d. Correct: The house where my mother lives looks ancient. 4. Avoid chopping a single unified thought into many sentences. a. Wrong: Father picked up the log. He placed it on his shoulder. He felt pain. He put it down. b. Improved: Father picked up the log and placed it on his shoulder but because he felt pain, he put it down. 5. Avoid excessive use of connectives especially the use of either both of the connectives and and then. a. Erroneous: The professor completed his grading sheets, and he left the faculty room, then he went to the court, and then he played tennis. Prepared by: Ms. Aileen A. Bisnar Communications Skills II Page 1

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b. Improved: After completing his grading sheets in the faculty room, the professor went to the court to play tennis. Observe unity of tense. Unity of simple tense means use of one tense in one sentence. Verb tenses chronological relationships among ideas. Unnecessary shifts in tense will confuse your readers. a. Erroneous: Elsie cooks the food, while Josie washed the dishes. b. Improved: Elsie cooked the food while Josie washed the dishes. Observe unity of voice. Unity of voice means using one voice in one sentence. Active voice and passive voice create different kinds of emphasis in sentences. They should not be mixed in successive sentences that describe the same subject. a. Erroneous: First, proofread your paper and necessary corrections should be made. b. Improved: First, proofread your paper and make the necessary corrections. Observe unity of mood. Use a consistent mood in one sentence. Three moods indicate how you view the actions or conditions you are describing in your sentences. In most writing, mood should remain consistent. a. The indicative mood is used to make statements of fact or opinion and ask questions. b. The imperative mood is used to express commands. c. The subjunctive mood is used to indicate doubt, conditional situations, statement contrary to fact, and wishes. i. Erroneous: Read the directions, and then you will think before answering. ii. Improved: Read the directions and then think before answering. iii. Erroneous: If I were you, I will not accept his offer. iv. Improved: If I were you, I would not accept his offer. Use a consistent point of view. Point of view is the standpoint from which you present information. Selecting the appropriate point of view and maintaining it are important. a. First-person point of view the subject (I, we) is the speaker. b. Second-person point of view the subject (you) is being spoken to. c. Third-person point of view the subject (he, she, it, they) is being spoken about. i. Erroneous: Swimming instructors must be patient if they work with children. You must acknowledge that some children have never swum before, and you must acclimate children to the water. Instructors must be willing to work slowly and teach skills gradually. Elimination of shift from third person (swimming instructors) to second person (you). ii. Improved: Swimming instructors must be patient if they work with children. They must acknowledge that some children have never swum before, and they must acclimate children to the water. Instructors must be willing to work slowly and teach skills gradually. Unity of Tone and Language a. Rule: Consistency in tone and language can be maintained by not including colloquialism or slang expressions. i. Inconsistent: A number of pre-fab school buildings were constructed during the martial law years. ii. Consistent: A number of pre-fabricated school buildings were constructed during the martial law years. Unity of Idea a. Rule 1: Oneness of idea requires that unrelated ideas be discarded and too many details which are not quite significant be avoided. Communications Skills II Page 2

Prepared by: Ms. Aileen A. Bisnar

i. Inconsistent: Parents attended the consultation meeting and students went home early. (Take note that the parents attending the consultation meeting has nothing to do with the students going home early. To make the sentences unified express the two ideas in two sentences.) ii. Consistent: Parents attended the consultation meeting. Students went home early. b. Rule 2: Use coordinate conjunctions correctly. The use of wrong conjunctions destroys the unity of a sentence and results in incongruity. i. Wrong: There were no classes and I still went to school. ii. Correct: There were no classes but I still went to school.

Sentence Coherence A sentence has coherence when its parts hold together that is, when the sentence has proper word order and when the ideas manifest a sense of sticking together. Ways to Achieve Sentence Coherence: 1. Avoid Faulty Modifiers Modifiers explain, define, or add detail to other words or ideas. If a modifier is too far from the words it modifies, the sentence message can be ambiguous. The order of adjectives and adverbs in a sentence is as important as the order of modifying phrases and clauses. Notice how changing word order affects the meaning of these sentences. 2. Keep your pronoun references clear. A pronoun takes the place of a noun, and that noun (referent) the pronoun replaces must be identified. If the pronouns referent is vague, readers will find your sentences confusing. 3. Avoid using that, this, or it especially to begin a sentence unless the pronoun refers to a specific antecedent. (referent) 4. Avoid overstuffing A sentence that crams in too many ideas forces the reader to struggle over its meaning. 5. Keep equal items parallel. Parallelism in a sentence requires that similar ideas be presented in similar form and that elements that are similar in function appear in similar grammatical form. Parallelism is an important principle of both grammar and style. a. Grammatically, sentence elements linked by coordinating or correlative conjunctions should be similar in form; a clause should be followed by a clause, a phrase by a phrase, a noun by a noun, a verb by a verb of the same tense, and so on. b. Stylistically, parallelism creates balance and emphasis. It can, therefore, be used to create desired effects. 6. To improve coherence in long sentences, repeat words that introduce parallel expressions. 7. Subordination. Subordination refers to the joining of sentence elements which are not of equal rank or of equal importance. The important elements or ideas are constructed as the independent clause; the less important elements or details are written as dependent clause or modifying words or phrases, or appositives.

Prepared by: Ms. Aileen A. Bisnar

Communications Skills II

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Sentence Emphasis Emphasis in sentence is a principle by means of which important ideas are made to stand out. By observing this principle, we can write more effectively and more forcefully. A sentence may be unified and coherent but still not affective if it does not observe the principle of emphasis. Emphasis provides a scale of importance to certain elements of ones thoughts. To Achieve Emphasis 1. Emphasis by proportion 2. Emphasis by Position a. At the beginning of the sentence b. At the end of the sentence c. By placing transitional words like however, therefore, thus, moreover, for this reason, consequently, nevertheless, etc. within the sentence. d. By putting the important sentence elements out of its usual order. This device is called the inverted order of writing sentence. e. By putting the main thought of the sentence in the main clause. 3. Emphasis by balance structures 4. Emphasis by repetition 5. Emphasis by climactic arrangement 6. Emphasis by excision. Sentences can be made more emphatic by cutting out unnecessary words and by avoiding the repetition of unimportant words.

When to Use Active and Passive Sentences

Active sentences emphasize the people or things responsible for actions and conditions. Passive sentences focus on people or things that are acted upon. What would be the object in an active sentence is used as the subject in a passive sentence, and a form of the verb to be is used with the main verb. As a result, passive sentences are always slightly longer than active sentences. Although most readers and writers prefer active sentences, you should select the sentence pattern that most effectively matches your purpose. Active: Congress approved a multi-billion peso highway improvement bill. (Congress is emphasized) Passive: A multi-billion peso highway improvement bill was approved by Congress. (The highway improvement bill is emphasized.) 1. Use active sentences most of the time Use active sentences to indicate who takes responsibility for actions and events. 2. Use active sentences for economy of expression. 3. Use passive sentences selectively Use passive sentences when the people who are responsible for actions are not known. 4. Use passive sentences to emphasize the receiver of the action instead of those responsible. 5. Use passive sentences to emphasize actions that are more important than specific people who might be responsible.

Prepared by: Ms. Aileen A. Bisnar

Communications Skills II

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Unity of Voice
Name: ____________________________________ Course & Yr.: _________ Date: _________________ Score: _______ Directions: Rewrite and make the sentences consistent by correcting unnecessary shifts in voice. 1. Bring your chemistry manual with you tomorrow because they will be need. 2. The students filled out the registration form before it was submitted to the dean. 3. Ashton bought abstract paintings and they were displayed in his bedroom.

4. My brother wanted to go on tour in Sweden but many difficulties were encountered b y him. 5. The judges have selected the best performer to whom the award will be given. 6. Prof. Boston knows so many things about politics because the newspapers are read by him everyday. 7. He was boastful and was disliked by everyone. 8. We arrived in La Union at 8:45 and soon our beach house was reached. 9. Examine this textbook and several of them may be bought. 10. The proctor scolded me and I was punished by him.

Unity of Tone and Language Directions: Make the following sentences consistent in tone and language. 1. The presence of her playful apos makes her life fruitful. 2. Alone in the dark lab, the technician carefully checks the amplifier returned by the ECE students. 3. To get the project started, the VP Adm. Volunteered to head the outreach committee.

4. Before he succumbed to death, he had managed to say adios! 5. The American Servicemen assigned in Olongapo took advantage of our women by raping them, di ba? 6. Held in a historical place in Vigan, the confab proved to be a success. 7. If youre comfortable, Ill gonna sundo you at eight oclock in the evening. 8. Arriving home from work, the cheerful father immediately look for his bibong kid. 9. Reports about the latest massacre have been screaming in newspaper pages. 10. I am not that stupid to ignore this wild tsismis noh!

Prepared by: Ms. Aileen A. Bisnar

Communications Skills II

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