Chloe Lee General Psychology September 27, 2011 Leman, Dr.Kevin. ADOLESCENCE ISNT TERMINAL.

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.: 2002 (104 pages read). Author's Purpose Dr. Leman guides parents through the adolescence years employing various different strategies. Using stories of his own experiences and others, he shows parents that the teen years wont kill them, it only feels like it. Author's Sources Dr. Leman uses many different sources to back up his strategies. He uses personal experience, such as things that happened in his own home or he experienced while counseling others and hearing their stories. He also uses scientific research to back up his statements, such as alcohol usage, family problems, divorce rates, and popularity tendencies for young adults. He often uses the New International Version Bible to provide scripture references for the problems he is addressing. Significant Ideas Dr. Leman presents many good ideas that both men and women can apply to their parenting. He starts the book explaining its purpose and then plunges right in in the first chapter providing parents twenty steps that help

with communication between the parent and the child. It starts with following through with commands that they ask their child to do, encourages parents to respect the childs privacy and teaches the parents not to make a very popular mistake: dont show them off or embarrass them. Another very important issue Dr. Leman deals with is helping the parents understand the amount of peer pressure their child experiences while in the adolescent stage. He encourages the parents to help their children to be different. Leman lists off many popular toys that have certainly been added to every childs wish list: Pokemon, Tickle-Me-Elmo, Nintendo 64, Furby, Barbie, Cabbage Patch dolls, Beanie babies, PlayStation 2. (p 41) He adds that beside one Furby, the other items were not found in his house. While this may be to the extreme, he portrays the important idea that in order for a child to feel sure of himself, he must be content with being different and not following every new trend that arises in the local school. He also admonishes parents to be the biggest cheerleader they can be for their children. If the son is interested in hockey, the father is to learn everything he can about the sport so he can have a very interactive conversation after a game. If the daughter is very engaged with reading, the mother can grab a book from the library and read it with her to create a special bond through reading. The pressure to be popular was a very important section in this book. Dr. Leman presents a survey conducted by the American Sociological Association. It was based on 1,796 students from seven colleges: The respondents indicated that the overwhelming way to win pop-

ularity was through athletic excellence: 87 percent of males and 83 percent of females listed this as the top way. Grades and intelligence were next: 46 percent for males and 41 percent for females. When asked about the opposite gender, 55 percent of the young men rated physical attractiveness for women as a good way to gain popularity; 48 percent of young women said this for males.1 Dr. Leman continues to add ideas to his work. He explores the affects of divorce and its enormous impact on the children, he encourages parents not to be hypocrites - the kids see right through it which will result in many lost opportunities, and to make time for the children. The father is to put down what he is doing the second his son needs to talk about something. The mother is in responsible for being open and willing to share anything about herself so her daughter can feel more comfortable while sharing personal things with her. Children will become like the parents more than many realize. Dr. Leman shares many good ways, parents can adjust their methods so that their children can be all they are meant to be. Personal Analysis Dr. Kevin Leman is a very godly man and I have no doubt of it, but there was one thing that I thought was odd while I was reading. (This analysis consists of personal preference, while I understand these opinions do not

1 Boys and Girls Differ on Definition of Cool, USA Today, 14 August 2000, sec. D, p. 6.

determine right from wrong.) He was responding to a popular question of What if my child says they dont want to go to church anymore? (pg. 81) Leman stated his reply to the child would be this: . . .I understand you dont get much out of the pastors message, but realistically, if you think about it, there are only a few things in life your mom and I ask you to do, and attending church is one of them. . .You can daydream or pick your nose, or read a book, but Id consider it a real privilege if youd make the sacrifice to be with us. (pg. 82) While this reply may apply in certain situations, I believe if all parents use this method we will end up with many young adults who see church as a chore, and once they are out of the house they will not attend because their parents are not asking it of them anymore. It is a very dangerous way to view church. Another idea Leman mentioned is that it is important for the parents not to do all the talking. (pg. 79) A child can have a parent who speaks rarely, but when they do its very meaningful, a parent that when talking rambles on and on repeating the same thing over and over again but in different ways, or

among them can be a parent who talks openly, but sees every opportunity as a teachable moment. No one parent is wrong in a sense, but there are many different ways to go around it. I really liked how Leman stressed the fact that children watch their parents more than they listen to them. If they see their parents looking at impure images on the computer, then are given very tight guidelines with their computer use, they will see the hypocrisy in it. Parents must walk the talk before the young adult will desire to follow. While I am not a parent, I still gathered a lot of important information from this book. Many of these ideas are important in any relationship; it was exciting to search in my own behavior and experiences for ways I can apply every biblical principle to my life. Adolescence Isnt Terminal is written for parents with adolescent teens but is great for anyone who is willing to change their relationships with others.